Healthy Sex, Healthy Life

Written by Kris Diggins

coupleGrowing up I learned that discussing sex was taboo. Throughout my adolescence, whenever I heard the word sex, I became uncomfortable and hoped that someone would change the subject. It wasn’t that my parents gave me a negative view of sex itself; it just seemed unacceptable to discuss it openly. Because of this, I grew up knowing very little about sex and the value that it should have in a healthy marriage. I saw it as something to be revered, and not discussed. This perception of sex made me hesitant to discuss the issue with anyone.

During my high school years, I heard the word more readily- only at this point it was truly in a negative connotation. Sex was talked about amongst my peers who enjoyed degrading it through vulgar jokes. This was the total opposite approach that I had seen in my home.

As a teenager, I saw that these two approaches stood in stark contrast. One taught me that sex was not something to discuss. The other encouraged me to make light of sex. Which view was healthiest?

I wondered at the dichotomy that existed in the two perspectives.

It was not until after I was married that I developed a healthier perspective of sex. A married friend of mine showed me that sex is something beautiful in the context of marriage, and that it can be discussed in a healthy way- in a manner that encourages the full of enjoyment of it within the married context.

From this dear friend I learned that sex was something I could discuss openly and treat respectfully at the same time. She told me how sex is truly something to be perfected in marriage- the more you pursue it, the more you can perfect it. The reverse is also true. Such tips have been invaluable to me in my married life. But, more importantly, the discussion allowed me to breakaway from my previously formed stereotypes, and to enjoy a healthy sex life in my marriage.

As a nurse practitioner, I have become passionate about promoting a healthy sex life amongst married couples. This is because I desire to make known the many unspoken benefits of a healthy sex life in the confines of marriage. I want to promote the idea that married sex is more enticing than any of the myriad of sexual pleasures that are promoted in the world today.

Also, I want to encourage men and woman to recognize the benefits of valuing sex, the way it was created to be valued. Sex is a gift that God gave men and women, and it is to be enjoyed fully in the monogamous relationship of marriage. The Song of Solomon portrays a very detailed description of this passionate relationship between a man and women in love.

Biologically, men and women are both created with a need for sex, although this need looks different for the two sexes. For example, a man builds a physiological need for sex, about every 72 hours. When a man constantly feels a strong need for release, it is very hard for him to focus on the other very important aspects of intimacy, which are needed for a woman to feel sexually desirable.

On the other hand, studies have shown that woman’s need and desire for sex increases with frequency, and decreases with decreased frequency. Clearly men and women respond differently to sexual frequency. Basically, the less often a woman has sex, the less she will want sex, the less she will enjoy sex, and the more difficult it will be for her to become aroused and climax. This has been borne out repeatedly in studies of the sexual frequency of woman. Apparently God designed women to become more and more interested in sex as they become more active.

The biological benefits of sex are equal to both sexes. The health benefits of sex cannot be underestimated. Some of these benefits are:

- Relieve tension! The faster heart beat, the increased blood flow and muscular tautness- relieving built up tension in the nervous system.

- Help you sleep better. Orgasms act as a natural tranquilizer, releasing the same endorphins that are released during exercise. That wonderful release of endorphins is very calming.

- Calm your cravings for junk food and sometimes for cigarettes. Sexual stimulation activates the production of phenetylamine, a kind of natural amphetamine that regulates your appetite.

- Burn calories.

- Can work as natural pain management. Endorphins can increase your tolerance to pain by as much as 70% during orgasm.

- Oxytocin is released, and studies have shown if a person is relaxed, levels of oxytocin elevate, which suggests a direct correlation between low stress levels and the hormone.

The more I explore this subject, the more I realize that men and women need to promote a new, healthy perspective of sex. This issue too often goes unspoken. Sex is a gift from God, and it is something that all of us can enjoy. Sex is not a joke, and neither does it need to be taboo. I have realized that the more openly people speak about this issue; the more able they are to enjoy their own married sex life.

An integral part of a healthy marriage is a healthy sex life. A healthy sex life will strengthen one’s marriage and health as well. As married people, we should encourage one another to work through our difficulties and stereotypes, thus equipping each other to better sex-and health!

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8 Responses to “Healthy Sex, Healthy Life”

  • Lynn says:

    Great article! I’m glad I read it. I understand men a lot better and myself a woman regarding the gender differences in sex drive. This is so awesome! Thank you a million.

  • Rebecca says:

    Thank you for your kind message and for your pray’s i have talk to my husband and we talk for the longas time. i could only say we are in god’s hand’s and i am hoping everything will change for the best. i have faith in god i know god doesn’t want me or him to hurt.

  • Kate Kate says:

    Hi to the person who posted ‘marriage demise.’ We all long for intimacy and unconditional love. How do you see the two fitting (or not fitting) together?

  • [...] a broken and wounded heart and dreams crushed, and I get reminded of this fact every time I have a sexual urge which is often and when i have to work real hard (wining and dining alisa) just to get some love [...]

  • Emmie says:

    I’m so happy to have found a Christian site that does not treat sex like something we shouldn’t talk about. Thank you for this article!

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Elle – You are not alone. There’s a huge discussion happening on this very topic on this article Help! My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex. There are over 200 comments so far, come and join the discussion maybe we can help. If you’d rather talk to someone privately, we also have free mentoring available by email.

    If you decided to give it a try, the mentor would email you using our secure system, The Mentor Center (TMC).  TMC ensures your privacy by protecting your information.  If you want to keep talking, just hit reply.  The conversation is confidential and non-judgmental.   You can keep talking to your mentor as long as you like and there is never a fee.

    If this sounds like something that might help, just reply to this comment and I’ll set it up for you.

  • Elle says:

    Awesome advice…now where was this website a couple of years ago when I was in a sex-starved marriage? Hey, wait a minute, I’m still in it!!!

  • chirag says:

    nise ppoint of view

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