I kind of winced in hearing you say that men need more respect and regular sex! I hope there are a lot of other men besides me that are looking for a whole lot more than that.

I think you may be right – the “alpha male” and charisma are unfortunately often associated with disrespectful and abusive characteristics. In fact, I’d say that an excess of charisma is a sure sign that this person is going to be pretty self-centered. Being the alpha male is a lot about dominance, which doesn’t really lead to success in long-term commitment. It may also be that they are looking for a more “submissive” mate, and the fact that they don’t want a commitment with you may be a testament to your healthy boundaries and good sense, neither of which works well for someone who is bent on controlling or dominating their partner.

Maybe you can open yourself up to a different kind of guy who is a little more secure with emotional give-and-take and less concerned with impressing you? You’ve kind of identified the problem – what keeps you from considering someone with a little less charisma and a little more internal strength?

From the midwest

I learned a lot from reading this article. I best understand through practice that showing respect and regular sex are cornerstones of a healthy relationship. However I must be missing something bc I notice that the level of commitment I want (long term) never really plays out well. And when I say this I mean I’m always the last gf and then the very next woman will become the. Wife. So what I’m I forgetting to do? Or is it possible I am choosing the wrong type of man? I have a tendency to choose the alpa male I’m attracted to the charisma. What’s good? My biological clock is ticking! Jk…kinda

It sounds like you have some insight in this area. If you ever feel compelled to write an article about husbands respecting wives and kids feel free to submit it to out editorial department and they may just post it. You can see some guidelines for our contributors and the way to make a submission at http://powertochange.com/truthmedia/writeforus

Sometimes, you need to SOW a thing in order to REAP it. No offense, but in my personal experience and observation, men who are constantly complaining about feeling disrespected are usually very disrespectful to others. They practice the very same disrespectful behavior that they accuse others of. There seems to be this sort of unspoken consensus that says husbands deserve respect from their wives, but husbands don’t have to give it. This is a common misgiving. Many wives desire respect from their husbands, and husbands are actually admonished to treat their wives with respect (NIV 1Peter 3:7). Many translations use the word “honor” here; the lexicon lists the word “respect” as an appropriate synonym for the original Greek word.

I understand that these points are about how a husband FEELS. Everyone has feelings. However, as Christians, we are not to be led or controlled by our feelings. We are human and our feelings will often betray us (James 1:14). That’s why our feelings need to be brought into subjection to the Word of God.

I strongly believe that husbands should be respected, but I also believe that husbands should be admonished to show respect to their wives and children. There aren’t nearly enough articles written about that.

As for those destructive people, I totally agree that we still need to be loving in our response to them. But we don’t need to take them on as partners with a mission to heal them, as women are often encouraged to do by our modern concepts of romance. We do best to be clear where our boundaries are, as your example of Jesus in the temple certainly sets out. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to let someone know when they are harming themselves or others in a caring but firm way, and let them know that we will not participate in their destructive actions. Then it’s between them and the Higher Power.

Thanks for your strong and inspiring words.

—- Steve

You are totally NOT asking for too much but if you guys are going to really be able to serve each other it is going to have to be with the attitude of being a team and not as opponents taking accusing, critical shots at one another.

Does that make sense?