What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

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I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

© Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet”(tm)!

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. Do you know how deeply God loves you? You are beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. You don’t need to act or look a certain way to be loved by God. He loves you unconditionally already. God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. God wants to have a close and personal relationship with you.

>>Here’s how you can start that relationship right now.

Can He Trust You with His Feelings?


858 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • William says:

    Take this tip from a man. When he says he needs to take a break he is no longer in that relationship. Just leave, take the pain and find a man that you can care for and that cares for you. The comments above are quite right about honesty and fidelity but men only feel that when they find someone to care for for the rest of their lives.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Rita, I agree with Margaret. Love is an unrelenting, unconditional commitment to another person and it looks like the famous 13th chapter in 1 Corinthians. That means patience, kindness, unselfishness, hopefulness, enduring, forgiving and the like. The litmus test for true love is that that the love God shows to your boyfriend is supposed to flow in turn from him to you. If that is not happening, then you might well step back and examine the relationship very carefully to make certain that it is founded on Godly principles as that is the only basis for a life-long loving marriage.

  • I dont think your boyfriend loves you

  • Sara says:

    Hey Rika C… I say walk away NOW from the man and start looking for a new life. So what if he was in your life for 10 years? That’s almost 1/8 of the life that you will live assuming you live till 80 years old… There’s a long way ahead of you and I promise that you won’t regret it. Don’t be afraid to stop what you are doing right now when you know it’s wrong. My sister in law married a man who she dated for 10 years. But she was the type of woman who cannot do anything by herself and eventually lost all her girl friends because she would only have her bf (now husband) in life… I always thought she can do better. But he proposed (FINALLY) and they got married. I can’t say if they’re fully happy or not since I’m not them, but at least this man made his decision to propose and take responsibility, unlike your boyfriend who wanted to “take a break.” He is ready to move on, that’s a sign. You should realize that sign and move on just like him.

  • Chris says:

    rika…sorry to hear of your situation…ten years is quite a long time for someone to make up their minds about marriage. actually a year or two should be long enough to decide. the main ingredient however in knowing who is for us in this life is looking to the author of life, God himself who alone knows who is best for us. you see since marriage is Gods design, we need to include him in our marriage planning process. for more information on letting God through his son jesus take control of your life and circumstances log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus lead you into his perfect will for your life, including the right mate!

  • Rika C says:

    So my boyfriend of 10 years tells me that we need to take a break and figure out if this is what we want… I will admit I give him attitude because I feel like he doesn’t respect me or he does more for his friends then he does for me.. I’m ready to walk but 10 years is a very long to just throw away…

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Joy, one of life’s unavoidable heartbreaks is experiencing the reality and ramifications of a broken promise and on the surface it looks like your bf is making and breaking promises. This hurts and I am sorry for your pains but it would be presumptions for me to tell you what to do as only you can decide how to go forward in this relationship.

    I can say that in order to develop a truly loving relationship, both parties must love sacrificially. A relationship that grows out of selfishness or dependency by either of you will die as soon as the other person tires of the lopsided arrangement. But two individuals committed to giving to the other what they need without expecting anything in return can develop into a mutually loving and beneficial relationship.

    Even in loving relationships, however, emotional and psychological injuries can occur. We all make mistakes. But thankfully, everyone who follows Jesus Christ has experienced His pure love and pardon. We should, therefore, be prepared to also love sacrificially, to ask forgiveness and to be forgiving.

    If you believe you and your bf can serve one another gladly, valuing the other’s desires and needs above your personal wants, then explain this to him, see if he agrees and tell him that contacting other women is hurtful to you. Then if he does it again, you must decide what to do.

  • joy says:

    my boyfrined told me am d love of his life that he can not do without me. but i have cauth him twice sending love messages to other girls .teling them thesame thing he use to tel me. if i ask him he wil say he is sorry dat he is human and he didnot wnt to take d other girls serious. pls wht should i do.

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