What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need.  You you realize how deeply God loves you? You are a human being who is loved by God. You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. He loves you for who you are and will never leave you because of anything you’ve done. Isn’t that just the kind of love you’ve always dreamed about?

You might not think of yourself as exceptional, but you are. You are a hand-crafted original. God made you on purpose, no accidents of fate or chance. The Bible says that when God created man and woman He “saw everything that He had made, indeed it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31) God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. The Bible tells us that Gods knows each of us better than we know ourselves – he even knows how many hairs are on your head! (Matthew 10:30)

It’s pretty incredible to think about. The same God who created the stars and turns the colors of the leaves in Fall, created you. You are His masterpiece and He loves you. God created you to have a relationship with Him.

>> Here’s how you can start that relationship with God right now.


767 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • Ann Turrentine says:

    I just met a man on-line who lives out of town probably 200 miles and works a lot. What should I expect regarding how long to wait before we met without
    coming on too strong. He says he wants a woman his own. He seems very nice,
    accomplished as I am also. Should I expect to hear from him everyday since we
    are only emailing and texting. I assume that I should let him know what I want
    in a relationship also, a man to call my own.

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up anyone who is struggling with there relationship in marriage that they will seek You for guidance in this are of there marriage. In Jesus Mighty Name amen

  • Celeste65 says:


    You aren’t trapped, although it may seem that way to you.
    Thankfully you haven’t married him! My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. He disrespected me and wouldn’t
    listen when I spoke . I thought I was trapped. I thought I was losing my mind.
    It took me 10 years to leave him. I gave my heart, body, soul to a man who treated me
    like crap. Wasted my youth. Its not too late for you.

  • Marcipan says:

    I am into a long distance relationship. I live south of the globe while my boyfriend lives up north. He travels around the world because of his job. Good there is skype that makes the miles of distance short. We keep each other posted any time of the day and see each other at least once a year when the chance to travel to him is possible (all expense he pays). He is still doing his house and keeps me posted about it. I have not seen his family yet nor have virtually met them.

    But sometimes doubt comes to my mind. It felt sometimes I am just the one who is wanting to make the relationship lasting. I have been giving him the clues that I wanted to get married as the physical absence is never easy. We are in our past 30s and we have been talking about having children of our own. But for me he is not taking action or saying things about his plans for me or for us.

    Could he be having a hard time to tell me that he is not seeing a future for the two of us? Or maybe is not ready to get me into his ”life”.

  • esther amoah says:

    Awww lucky am really sorry 4 u n am puttin maslf in ur shows.i thnk i agree wid kay’s sentiments..eventhough it hurts but just leave time will heal ur wounds n even scars

  • Kay says:

    @ Lucky

    If anything, this may be hard to do because you love him, but there really are no options to you being happy in your relationship… people do change, but not that much so it really should be a no brainer here, you need to leave. He will not understand any logic you try to apply and attempting to do so would be a waste of time. Stress and depression kills too, and that is all he is really providing you with.

    You need to leave. No more arguments, no more stress, just leave. There are places and people that are willing to help, the people here on this site are helpful too, but seriously he lies, cheats, disrespects you, does not stimulate your mind, body, or soul in any way.

    Anyone can propose, but honestly that does not mean he loves you the way he should, please do not marry him, and leave.

    please ignore the typos btw.

  • Lucky says:

    Me and my fiance have been engaged for 5 years, we fight about anything and everything,he also cheats and everytime denies it. He has a tendency of blaming me for everything. He believes because he is the man of the house I must let him control me, he wants me to stop working, ask for his permission before I do everything, jump when he says so etc. He even says I should be grateful because he is providing a place for me to stay. I’m not allowed to be angry when cheats and does me wrong, and when I don’t want to speak to him because I feel too angry, he has his way of making me the bad person. He has put me through a lot since we met but he blames everything on me. Please help. What do I do

  • Celeste65 says:

    Are you taking into account that men often have sex just to relieve stress?
    A husband can have sex with his wife and it doesn’t mean he loves or respects her.
    Sometimes he just wants to get off to relieve stress….

  • Carrie says:

    From my personal experience to scientific studies’ conclusions, I can say that men want only one thing and one thing only. Regardless of the sexuality, men want their significant other to be “compatible” with them in every imaginable way. The percentage of men who want wives or husbands inferior to themselves are so minimal, you should really ignore it. So basically, men want a self reflection in their significant others. Go, have a look around. You will clearly notice that this conclusion can not be more true. Let me put it this way, ladies and gentlemen out there who are enthusiastically looking for a matching pair, if you want a powerful man, then be powerful yourself to attract them. If you want a passionate man, then be that yourself. If you want a family more than anything, then find a man who shares same values with you. After all, that powerful or ambitious man does not want to come home to a wife/husband who gave up their career for a family. They will come home to share their work day with you and freely exchange opinions. This being said, it is probably time you should stop wondering why men commit more adultery than women.

  • Esther says:

    Derx dis guy who cant show his sentimants about me..he hardly call even after we have shared a great moment n he tells me he loves me when am around him but nothing to me really shows he does..i want to get over him and be free..how do i ?and he is a ldies man tooo..how do i handle him?

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    Hi Nancy,
    After being gone for almost half a year, I would wonder too whether he has forgotten about you. How can one know whether it is only dental work that is keeping him out there. Maybe he’s found a job and is making a home for himself there? Let’s pray: Dear Lord, our Father, I thank you that Nancy has written for help. Give her wisdom, and keep her close to you while she waits for her lover! May this man realize that he needs to keep the words of commitment that he’s given her. I pray that the union of this couple (if it is your will) be approved in heaven. If they do not both love and serve you, Lord, then help Nancy and her lover to make it right with you, or look for another person to embrace! I the name of Jesus, our ambassador; Amen.

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    Dear Lusungu,
    Congratulations on your healing! There is a saying “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” So, I thank God for you and for your circle of good friends. I believe God has a plan for your life, and it will most likely include a man of God’s choosing.
    I just re-read your letter, and praise God for working in your life. There are many reasons for difficulties and tests, but the Bible says we can count on God to see us through at all times! Let’s pray together: Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for rescuing Lusungu from a poor relationship. Thank you also for blessing her in her work-place and for making her a blessing to others! May she continue to grow in her love to you, and to be of even greater service to mankind. Bless her child, and help it to grow and to love you also. In the precious name of Jesus; Amen.

  • lusungu says:

    i was once dumped by a man whom i loved very much to the point were the pain led me into depression,he confronted me and accused me of cheating on him he even arranged for false people to come up and tell lies about me,to make matters worse i was even a month pregnant with his child,i just discovered that he was even planning a big wedding with the other woman who happened to be my friend, but i managed to heal because i was sarounded by lovely people,i gave myself time to heal and managed to get rid of the bitterness i had towards men,from the african city i come from there is this notion that pretty or beautiful slender and light skinned women are automatically put in a category of sluts,players or prostitutes people judge you even when they dont know you.But i believe that a good relationship should be based on the truth,i decided to concentrate on my career and am a happy young lady because i have managed to achieved my dreams career wise
    and i know that one day i will meet someone who will accept me just as iam because i believe that true love is unconditional the christian bible says love is pure, it keeps no record of wrongs,love is not selfish, love never fails, i let go of the past. because bitterness is like drinking deadly poison while expecting your enemy to die it kills and ruins ones self esteem and it steals joy as well.

  • Nancy says:

    My bf were getting serious. He is 72 and I’m 74. We are young for our age working and active. He went to Mexico after3 months for dental work. He has been gone 5 months. After 2 months he realized how much he loves me and says he wants to be with me forever. But I am really suffering while he gets the work done and he seems to handle it better. How do men think in these situations.

  • Kate Kate says:

    Hi Zahid,

    Thanks for your comment. Can you give an example of what you mean?


  • zahid says:

    First i must give thanks to the author Rinatta Paries for writing such a resourceful thoughts. It is clear that the above information are more authentic, reliable and practically experimented. I have a query to know. my question is how can i approach a girl and notify a girl about the things that i want from her?

  • Shelley Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I pray that you will be with man and woman in deciding to have a relationship together. I pray that they will lean on you for bringing them together under holy matrimony. That they will not rush into the relationship but take there time and get to know each other. in Jesus Mightyname Amen

Leave a Reply