What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

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I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

© Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet”(tm)!

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. Do you know how deeply God loves you? You are beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. You don’t need to act or look a certain way to be loved by God. He loves you unconditionally already. God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. God wants to have a close and personal relationship with you.

>>Here’s how you can start that relationship right now.

Can He Trust You with His Feelings?

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919 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • Chris says:

    help WA STATE…..the bible is clear that jesus christ has borne all curse upon himself. galatians 3.10 to 13. as long as you are in a saving relationship with jesus, you need not fear the curses of others. their words have no power over someone who trusts in the words of christ. if you arent sure of your relationship with jesus, log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above so you can be free of all fear and negative thinking about what others could do to you. jesus has died so you can live freely from all of that. blessings to you!

  • Chris says:

    dr….sorry you are struggling in your marriage. we understand that men and women are not the same and do have different likes and dislikes. the first step i think would be to ask your wife why exactly her interest in sex has diminished. communication is so important. perhaps she doesnt want another child. perhaps she wants more help from you with raising the child that you have. there could be any number of different reasons that you should ask her about. at the same time we must understand as men that sex does not mean heaven on earth. jesus told us that in heaven we will be as the angels who neither marry nor are given in marriage. i would encourage you to log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above to begin your own personal relationship with jesus today so that you can live above carnal desires when they may not be able to be fulfilled anyway. we cant always depend on our spouses to do what we want them to do, so we need to understand that our satisfaction in life must come from another source, his name is jesus. blessings!

  • dr says:

    am married since 5 years with one 3 year old daughter. since my birth of dughter my wife avoids me on. bed when ever she let me i feel its one side love what should i do

  • Alfred says:

    Hi Seja William, In my heart I weep for you, as your situation seems to be very one-sided. It happens that when a person has more than one partner, than the love is spread out among all of those that she was close to. It is called a fragmented spirit. For the sake of the children as well as for your sake, love needs to be strongly expressed by both the husband & by his wife. I think there is NO impossible situation, but it will take much prayer and the help of God. I am wondering whether anyone in your household goes to Church. Not that the Church saves, for it does not. But God is easy to find there, and often people encourage one-another to pray and to read the Bible together as well as alone.
    Human love is selfish, while God-type love is giving. For a home to be a pleasant place there needs to be the God-type of LOVE. Then people can have hope and joy. I have heard said that we can harbor only one thought at a time, and if that is a negative thought (about family troubles) it is discouraging. However if we are able to think of something positive then life is much more pleasant. My suggestion is to get to know God more personally, pray for your family, and then read the Bible with them daily. When we do not have answers, God does! Look for Getting to know God intimately, at the top of the page. Praying for you and your wife, Alfred.

  • help WA. STATE says:

    Hey hav a question if u curse sum 1 from a relationship can that come to past or become true and or occure or happen with jus pure hate or anger or emotion

  • seja william says:

    my partner is always talking about her family problems, when we try to communicate and we have three child but other one he is for another man, i also found sms on facebook saying the other child is his child, we moved in to my house but she show no respect, she dont give attention to our ralationship.i am the one inneed of sex and i am the one doing it. she is 30 yrs and i am 29

  • Sharon says:

    to Sibonginkosi have you asked your man on how to make him happy in bed I think for me I would do that. communicate I think is Important in any relationship in bed too. I am praying for you. sharon

  • sibonginkosi says:

    How can I make my man happy in bad

  • Kate says:

    Hi Jasmine,

    There are usually very few black and white answers to be found. You will need to take your time to reflect and decide. A good mentor or supportive group could help you to sort through your situation – do you go to church or know any strong couples with healthy relationships that you could talk to?

    Take time to get to know yourself. Here is a link to try Picture Perfect (http://thelife.com/challenges/picture-perfect)

    Take care,
    Kate

  • Aldo says:

    Jeremy, you seem to be having a problem with your partners, and it may not be entirely their fault, so I have included a site here for you to go to entitled “What Women Want: Listen with your heart.”

    To get to it, go to the top right of this page and insert in the Search bar.

    I hope you get your question answered.

  • Jeremy says:

    What do women do in a relationship? Us guys have to drive, buy dinner, shower you with small gifts showing we paid attention to your rants. What do you women do in a relationship? SEX DOES NOT COUNT! First of all that is prostitution and second don’t act like you don’t want it. Seriously what do you women do in a relationship? I want to understand

  • Jasmine says:

    My question is this,, i feel as though my boyfriend dosent mind me talking to other guys because im not having sex with them but I entertain them. Im scared to be committed because of my past and I never really thought about the fact that maybe me and him have usch an honest relationship is because we both arent ready and he thinks i have the wandering eye. Should i try to work on “us” or keep my options available im 22 he is 26 so im just a little scared to commit. Plus he never asked me to be his girlfriend I guess we just made it happen.

  • Sweetypie says:

    I was so insecure in my past relationship. And the very last relationship ended up so bad. I was got drunk when I going out with him one night, I was just asked him to send me home and comfort me, but his friends tried to fix the problem instead of him meeting me. Since then we both stay no contact. I texted him very harsh message that I regret because I was intoxicated but he took it very seriously. I never know he would never try to fix this i thought he loves me so much, but he provee me wrong. He was very easy to forget me and i knew he invited female friends to hang out with him whilst im in a hospital since the night I got drunk. Now it’s been almost 4 months and i totally believe he will never contact me and I also lost my respect to him. But I have fear to start open my heart. He show me that he loved me so much but then I saw his action easy to forget me and not taking care of me when i need him the most. He prefer his friends than me. Why man can change so fast in one night? He cannot accept my flaws only loves me when im nice? How can build a confidence and open my heart again because i believe the only way to heal my heart is with another heart of course I will ask God to give me guidance as well.

  • Sweetypie says:

    I was so insecure in my past relationship. And the very last relationship ended up so bad. I was got drunk when I going out with him one night, I was just asked him to send me home and comfort me, but his friends tried to fix the problem instead of him meeting me. Since then we both stay contact. I texted him very harsh message that I regret because I was intoxicated but he took it very seriously. I never know he would never try to fix this i thought he loves me so much, but he prve me wrong. He was vey easy to forget me and i knew he invited female friends to hang out with him whilst in a hospital since the night I got drunk. Now it’s been almost 4 months and i totally believe he will never contact me and I also lost my respect to him. But I have fear to start open my heart. He show me that he loved me so much but then I saw his action easy to forget me and not taking care of me when i need him the most. He prefer his friends than me. Why man can change so fast in one night? He cannot accept my flaws only loves me when im nice? How can build a confidence and open my heart again because i believe the only way to heal my heart is with another heart of course I will ask God to give me guidance as well.

  • Sharon says:

    to berry Joe have you asked him his feelings for you I am praying that this is Gods will for you God knows your heart desire I am praying for you both– sharon

  • berry joe says:

    my guy has girl in another place and also says he loves me and treat me good bt I don’t know hw to b free with him and I also love him and wants him to marry me because he is having issues with his other girl so what should I do to also make and keep him close to me forever..

  • Elkay says:

    Jenny Rose, please do not be naive about this!. God designed sexual relations to be intimately shared between married couples as part of His plan that they “be fruitful and multiply”. Solo sex before a camera is not warranted. Ask your boyfriend to cease and desist and do not engage in such practices yourself. You will soon learn if he is in love or in lust.

  • Hi, I’m Jen i just feel doubt sometimes my Bf too often want to have doing masturbate in camera since we are Long Distance Relationship. Sometimes we not we seldome talk about serious conversation, Idk but in terms of teasing He really always wants it till we do both masturbation in camera. Is He really love me or just for sex cam…Idk help me…

  • frikkie says:

    Hi i hade rhe bes girlfriend i culd ever ask for. And i dont know wat i did rong but she told me that she realy cears for me but its for the best if we just stay friends. I dont undestand i dont want sex from here i just want hure as she is we had so much fun tother and woed mack joks. And teas echuther i dont cere about enithing more then hure wat did i do rong now we hardly talk and im skerd if i keep on puching i will loos hure as a friend to i have tried everithing this is now about 2 weaks ago sory for speling im actuality afrikaans.

  • Elkay says:

    Semper, my heart breaks learning about your situation and I can easily understand why you would feel so confused and unsure of what to do. I do not have an easy answer but I do know that God created marriage as a sacred institution for the mutual welfare and happiness of husband and wife. This can only be successful if both of you are committed to one another, no matter what, and from that commitment, unselfish love flows to and from each other. In reality this means that you both fully trust one another especially when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite sex. You should also treat each other unselfishly, kindly, joyfully and tenderly. This does not describe where you and your fiancee seem to be so it is probably better to back off and wait to see if good changes come in his behavior. If you would like to delve more deeply into this, we have trusted mentors who will reply in confidence via email if you hit the “Talk To A Mentor” button near the top of this article. I pray for God’s guidance in this for you and hope that it resolves well.

  • Semper fi delis says:

    My fiancé was responsible financially for me and my son. But i think he thinks that as long as he’s sending us money, its ok to do such thing that really hurts me .. I wasn’t a super jealous gf till i caught him talking to his ex, using fake account on facebook, and everytime we’re in the mall, he keep looking to other girls like I don’t exist .. I cant handle it , i even feel like giving up :( and worst is that he keep drinking and if he’s not satisfied he end up going to bar .. I don’t know if its me who’s too worried or its him .. Whenever i start asking him if he’s happy with him he will say yes, but he keep telling me he knows im sleeping with somebody else which is not true .. Its just giving me more pain whenever he’s telling me that .. He caught his ex sleeping wth other men and its like im the one suffering ? We’re in a long distance relationship for 3 years, and I don’t know if i can still hold on.. Pls give me advice ?

  • Aldo says:

    Eddie and Rich, Rinatta Paries has written an excellent article on “What Men Want in a Relationship.” You two seem to be having a problem with your partners, and it may not be entirely their fault, so I have included a site here for you to go to entitled “What Women Want: Listen with your heart.”

    I pray that God will bring about a resolution to what you are experiencing as you endeavor to search out how you can become a better partner in your relationship.

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