What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

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I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

© Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet”(tm)!

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. Do you know how deeply God loves you? You are beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. You don’t need to act or look a certain way to be loved by God. He loves you unconditionally already. God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. God wants to have a close and personal relationship with you.

>>Here’s how you can start that relationship right now.

Can He Trust You with His Feelings?


873 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • Brenda M says:

    Hi AmandaM,

    Thank you so much for your very honest share about your past relationship and the anger and bitterness you both experienced and expressed as the result of your feelings of being disrespected by your partner. It is good to hear that you are no longer unhappy, and I would like to share with you a resource that I pray will be a blessing to you, as well as a very great source of wisdom in your present relationship. It is a message by T.D. Jakes called, “Junk in the Trunk.” Here is the link, AmandaM:


    It would be wonderful to hear your thoughts on this message, as to whether or not it was a help to you, and if so, in what ways. Also, I will continue to pray for your continued growth and contentment, and that you come to know the depth of God’s love for you – that His love is greater than that which any human being can possibly give to us, and He has the ability to satisfy us in a way that no one else ever can.


    Brenda M

  • Brenda M says:

    Hi Amit,

    Thank you for commenting on this website. What are your thoughts on the statements made in the above article regarding what the author, Rinatta Pane, states as the qualities men want in relationships? Would you disagree with her? When you say that you are a “playboy,” may I ask you if you have any long-term goals for future relationships? Have you considered how being a playboy at this stage in your life may affect your future success in relationships, or is having a life-long relationship with one woman something that you believe you would be interested in one day? What benefits do you see yourself receiving from your status as a playboy? Do you see any possible negative consequences?

    Thanks so much, Amit, for considering these questions; I would love to hear your thoughts!



  • Brenda M says:

    Hi Mel,

    I am very sorry about the deep pain you are experiencing as a result of the relationship being terminated by the man you had hoped would be the right person with whom you were to spend your the rest of your life. It is my sincere prayer for you that you will come to understand that God deeply loves you, and “that Christ may dwell in your [heart] through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height — to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17-19, NKJV)

    Mel, though I understand that all seems dark and hopeless right now (as I also have had a relationship end that I had entered into with the belief that we would be together for the rest of our lives), I also hope that you are able to place your trust in God and His promise to you in the Bible in the Book of Hebrews:

    “Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” (Hebrews 13:5, Amplified Bible)

    I would also like to encourage you to watch the following message by T.D. Jakes, called, “Before You Say I Do.” Here is the link, Mel:


    Lastly, Mel, I hope you will consider connecting with one of our online mentors, who will respond to your email and come alongside you to support and encourage you through this difficult time in your life. If you would like to talk with someone here privately, please request the help of one of our mentors at the following link:


    Please know that I will continue to pray for you, Mel,



  • khutsiso says:

    I lov this page

  • dream says:

    Sorry mistake… Therefore its not working…

  • dream says:

    Mel…The man you were dating was not even divorce yet. If you think of him that he has to think about two women now. Of course he feels strange. He cant commit to you if he is still commited to his wife and his son. Have you think about what God thinks about this situation? If somebody is married and is dating somebody else he calls it adultery
    even if married couple are not together anymore. Therefore its not sorking. And maybe God prepared somebody else for you. You know sins separate us from God and theefore we cant hear his voice. ButJesus gave his life so we can be in peace with God. Repenting and giving life to Jesus the wsll of sins will be broken and we sill have free access to God to find his perfect will for our life.

  • Mel says:


    I had what I thought a great relationship with a man. We were both working toward the same goals, if we miscommunicated, we could talk about it respectfully. We were planning a future together. He wanted me in his child life (previous marriage), talked about everything. He couldn<t wait for me to meet his family. We live sadly few hours away, but I was supposed to visit him (and his family) this summer.
    Everything was fine, but he suddendly broke up with me an afternoon a month and half ago.
    A short message saying his feelings had changed and he couldnt commit to this anymore. We were planning our future together and now, Im just lost.
    I want him back. I really do care and love him and respect him. Hes a great man.
    I told him so. He agreed after 2 weeks (specifically the day after his custody turn with his child ended, its part time, few months each) to talk if I wanted to but I needed to respect his decision. I told him I still want a life with him, etc. and he told me he understood.
    He always told me how he love me, and couldnt wait to begin our life together… but he ended our relationship out of the blue.
    We texted few times but I know he was acting different. He would text me specific details about what was on on his life, then would stopped texting for hours, days… He haven<t replyied in two weeks now.
    I wrote him a letter about things I am changing about me (I was acting needy sometimes, because of the distance and I just was bad to express my emotions. I told him I was working on that, I want to commit to our relationship).

    I know he has a lot going on his life now even though we don<t talk. He was divorcing. His family was for, given the circumstances, even if theyre really religious, and usually against dicorce.
    He wont see his child for months, until his turn. Which I know affect him a lot. He is a great dad and love his child more than anything. And this month, is the final month for divorce.

    Im sorry for the long post. I feel lost right now. I thought he was the right one at the first moment we met. Always been respectful, a great friend, he would support me in bad moments, and vice-versa. He said he never met someone as caring as me, and I surprise him by how much he felt loved (more than he never felt before)and that I accepted things from his past that led him there (divorce etc.)… I apaolgized for the mistakes I made and Im really trying hard to improve and be a better person. I dont want anyone else but him in my life. Anyone can help?

  • Chris says:

    shan…i regret to hear of this situation….intimacy with someone we arent married to can really open up an emotional and mentally stressful can of worms that you wont want to go through. where there is no marital commitment, sex should not be engaged since it joins two people together in what isnt a permanent relationship which will bring much confusión as you are experiencing now. your best source of action is to be sure you have allowed jesus to be your lord and savior so he can forgive you of all your sins and have his guidance in life as you apply biblical wisdom to your every decisión. you can find out how to receive jesus into your heart by logging onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or by clicking talk to a mentor above. i pray that you would and that you would see that God knows what he is doing when he told us to wait for marriage to have sex. blessings to you!

  • dream says:

    This is the christian webside. True christians know that sex before wedding and living together is a sin. People who are writing here should notice this.
    This is not just a normal advicing webside. All problems are from being separate from God by sin.We christian should be telling people gospel firstly and always.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Shan, marriage is not something you enter into lightly– it is a sacred institution that God Himself created so that man and woman could bind together, become one in His eyes and best reflect His image. You can read all about this in Genesis 1:26-27 and 2:24. When you love someone, we you them unconditionally, permanently, and loyally. It is an unrelenting commitment to another person’s best interests and it looks like the famous 13th chapter in 1 Corinthians. You say you don’t trust this guy and he does things you don’t like . . . nothing is impossible for God but I don’t think you have the kind of relationship just now that will blossom into a God-honoring marriage. My personal advice is that you break it off and don’t see him until he comes to you with evidence of being a changed person.

  • Shan says:

    I just broke up with my ex maybe three months ago and I currently going out with another guy. However, I don’t trust him at all. He does some things that I don’t like. He seemed so perfect at the start. After we had sex everything changed. He calls less and we text less and I feel less like he is interested in me. I have been trying to tell him things have changed he thinks I’m just being miserable and insecure. We been going out for maybe 6 weeks and he has not made it clear what we are to each other. He is not definite as to wether or not we are in a relationship however he is jealous when I go out on other dates. What does this mean from a male perspective. He says he is single yet he is so Cagey and secretive and protective of his phone and he even ends calls when he is around. I need someone I can trust guys what does this mean.

  • Lovelyrose says:

    Aww. I see , I’ve learned a lot from this article, thanks?

  • AmandaM says:

    I admit I did everything advised against in my last relationship. I mean EVERYTHING! I was a horrible excuse for a girlfriend because from the beginning I felt disrespected by things he did. Instead of leaving I stuck in it for three long years doing the same things over and over again. I humiliated him, treated him like a child, manipulated, etc.. I finally had no option when he moved out and left me physically I felt that the emotional attachment was so damaged there was no recovery. I have only one regret and that is that my behavior was not genuine. I wished I had been a less resentful person and had taken the initiative from the start that if I was communicating my needs to my partner and he was not ready to commit to those things then I could have left before all the damage was created. Take it from me, do whatever you can to either work it out in a way that is comfortable for you both or leave before anger, hostility, and frustration peak. Which eventually it will. My current relationship is new and I want to be the best partner ever for him because I now know how wrong I was in my past experiences and do not want to repeat the same mistake. All of the information I have read on here gives me hope that I might get a second chance in my life to love and be loved avoiding the pit falls of before. Trust me when I tell you I am soft, gentle, easy going, and all the things I did before have no place in my current relationship. I am very happy now. But I definitely can continue to use all the advice I can get.

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    William, I think you have a point but maybe the trouble is that many people jump (or fall) into relationships very quickly rather than test the waters and try to get to know each other as friends before any big commitments are made. I guess it’s the world we live in now that every thing has to be done quickly but regarding love, it’s often better to go slowly but surely. Marriage is such an important,life changing, spiritual matter, very, very different to what most people think of as a relationship today. Mike, I don’t really understand your remark. Are you making fun because of the Bible verses about love have been quoted? Well, it’s the best advice one could hope to get.

  • Mike C says:


  • William says:

    Take this tip from a man. When he says he needs to take a break he is no longer in that relationship. Just leave, take the pain and find a man that you can care for and that cares for you. The comments above are quite right about honesty and fidelity but men only feel that when they find someone to care for for the rest of their lives.

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Rita, I agree with Margaret. Love is an unrelenting, unconditional commitment to another person and it looks like the famous 13th chapter in 1 Corinthians. That means patience, kindness, unselfishness, hopefulness, enduring, forgiving and the like. The litmus test for true love is that that the love God shows to your boyfriend is supposed to flow in turn from him to you. If that is not happening, then you might well step back and examine the relationship very carefully to make certain that it is founded on Godly principles as that is the only basis for a life-long loving marriage.

  • I dont think your boyfriend loves you

  • Sara says:

    Hey Rika C… I say walk away NOW from the man and start looking for a new life. So what if he was in your life for 10 years? That’s almost 1/8 of the life that you will live assuming you live till 80 years old… There’s a long way ahead of you and I promise that you won’t regret it. Don’t be afraid to stop what you are doing right now when you know it’s wrong. My sister in law married a man who she dated for 10 years. But she was the type of woman who cannot do anything by herself and eventually lost all her girl friends because she would only have her bf (now husband) in life… I always thought she can do better. But he proposed (FINALLY) and they got married. I can’t say if they’re fully happy or not since I’m not them, but at least this man made his decision to propose and take responsibility, unlike your boyfriend who wanted to “take a break.” He is ready to move on, that’s a sign. You should realize that sign and move on just like him.

  • Chris says:

    rika…sorry to hear of your situation…ten years is quite a long time for someone to make up their minds about marriage. actually a year or two should be long enough to decide. the main ingredient however in knowing who is for us in this life is looking to the author of life, God himself who alone knows who is best for us. you see since marriage is Gods design, we need to include him in our marriage planning process. for more information on letting God through his son jesus take control of your life and circumstances log onto knowingjesuspersonally.com or click talk to a mentor above. i pray jesus lead you into his perfect will for your life, including the right mate!

  • Rika C says:

    So my boyfriend of 10 years tells me that we need to take a break and figure out if this is what we want… I will admit I give him attitude because I feel like he doesn’t respect me or he does more for his friends then he does for me.. I’m ready to walk but 10 years is a very long to just throw away…

  • Elkay Elkay says:

    Joy, one of life’s unavoidable heartbreaks is experiencing the reality and ramifications of a broken promise and on the surface it looks like your bf is making and breaking promises. This hurts and I am sorry for your pains but it would be presumptions for me to tell you what to do as only you can decide how to go forward in this relationship.

    I can say that in order to develop a truly loving relationship, both parties must love sacrificially. A relationship that grows out of selfishness or dependency by either of you will die as soon as the other person tires of the lopsided arrangement. But two individuals committed to giving to the other what they need without expecting anything in return can develop into a mutually loving and beneficial relationship.

    Even in loving relationships, however, emotional and psychological injuries can occur. We all make mistakes. But thankfully, everyone who follows Jesus Christ has experienced His pure love and pardon. We should, therefore, be prepared to also love sacrificially, to ask forgiveness and to be forgiving.

    If you believe you and your bf can serve one another gladly, valuing the other’s desires and needs above your personal wants, then explain this to him, see if he agrees and tell him that contacting other women is hurtful to you. Then if he does it again, you must decide what to do.

  • joy says:

    my boyfrined told me am d love of his life that he can not do without me. but i have cauth him twice sending love messages to other girls .teling them thesame thing he use to tel me. if i ask him he wil say he is sorry dat he is human and he didnot wnt to take d other girls serious. pls wht should i do.

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