What Men Want in a Relationship
I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.
I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Get Relationship Help!: Talk to someone confidentially online
Learn to Communicate: Learn the 5 levels of communication
On the other hand, men treasure time spend with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
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I sooo disagree with jeff,
Respect. Respect is something men have a hard time understanding, because Love is something they say but cannot always show. Men need Respect but don’t show us any. It is even stated in the bible. Husbands are to love their wives, as wives are to respect their husbands. True but husbands don’t always do so. “I promise you if you respect your man he will be very loving.” Thats crap. I respect mine and he is not very loving. All the rest will come easy. Crap. Women need face to face time with talking, yes. Men need shoulder to shoulder time with silence, bull. He will open up so much more if you just let him speak, no he does not, he speaks to his friend. Spend some time next to him when he is fixing a car, or just relaxing. Don’t talk. It is empowering if a man believes his women just likes to be in his presence and is content. Bull. Action speaks louder than words, why do men make promises they can’t or won’t keep? Sometimes silence is the best way to let him know your happy with him, which is all he wants. So if I feel somethings wrong because of his actions, I shouldn’t speak on it?
One writer says Respect for the man in your life, but respect has to be mutual and it has to work both ways.
There are some things that women will never forgive a man for. Sometimes seriously hurtful words. Said at the worst time.
Those hurtful words can cut like a knife and there is no way a women can get them out of her mind and heart. You loose all the conection you once had it can’t be taken back once it’s been said. Men forget that. Yes, you can forgive but forgetting is not going to happen.
And I think it hurts more than anything in a relationship it damages all that you work for over years.
There is no repair for it for feeling like this. Yet, you just hold on and say why does it have to be this way?
am on the track thank you
“Men need Respect but don’t show us any” – sorry, but that sounds like an excuse to justify judgmental behaviour. I absolutely respect women – including my wife, daughter-in-law, granddaughter, mother, grandmothers, co-workers, and fellow church goers. I know lots of men that fall into this category as well.
I’m betting that if you look at your own plank, you might find that you drive these kind of men away and bring only those who fall into your pessimistic category into your life. I will pray for you….
Michael I tend to agree with you.
The problem is….we are generlizing too much. men who don’t respect women, don’t usually respect themselves or other men. and I say the same goes for women.
I have seen men, woman and children be disrespectful. So this definatley is not a sole right of men.
I will pray we all receive clarity on this and the ability to be the one who sets the example. Remember we must treats others as we want to be treated.
It’s easy to be nice and respectful to someone who is nice and respectful to us. But what an accomplishment to be nice and respectful to someone who is not.
Be the example. I too will pray.
The article is not bad, just seems from within a narrow viewpoint of the writer. He apparently doesn’t know that men can be very manipulative and game-playing also (No denying there are women like this too…but its not accurate to imply for the most part men aren’t like this…they certainly can be).
Many women want straight forward communication with no role-playing or manipulative behavior.
Too bad there is such a willingness to put men and women in specific categories of behavior choices.
Men are emotionally weak and physically strong and women are physically weak and emotionally strong. These are tendencies that are peculiar to the respective sexes.The best way to weed out the type of person you dont want is to really do two things: 1) let a person be who they are without you telling them what you want in a person then you will know whther they are for you or not and 2)know what you are looking for and behave accordingly so that you are relaxed enough be open the experiences that come your way and your eyes are open enough for you to exercise the necessary caution.
I believe in trusting onesself. We know more than we think.
About the article: I believe it is talking about characteristics possessed by some men some of the time but I am not sure these are characteristics of men all the time.
I found the article pretty interesting.. N i do want best suggestion from u ppl here.. I have been recently commited.. i felt very pleasant n happy for my love life.. lost in world n into his tots only till recent bt now was into some worries dat is my man avoiding me.. i feel like spending time wid him n to be in his company all the time so i always lie at home saying extra classes n stuff.. bt on the other hand he always gives importance first to his familyn then to me.. ofcourse one should value his family first who has been wid him all through since his birth.. bt wat worries me is, he never asks for an outing together wen all friends of mine who are in love do frequent going out togethr n spending time.. i’m feelin as i’m being neglected n of no importance in his life.. and always it would be he who points out time n reminds me of leaving which hurts me a lot.. i was unable to tell him of wat all i’m feeling for him now.. never i open up my mind to him.. reading this article i felt its ofcourse my fault of not being open to him n expecting him to know of my state of being is not dat thing which to be expected from a girl.. he do text me caringly bt due to my situation presently i’m feeling dat tos words are just faling from his lips rather than from his heart.. i fear my relation is going to be swayed..
i do love him dearly bt few tiny worries inside fighting for the answers to be found, are making me sleepless.. how can i get out of this.. i want to be just as before with him.. pls do suggest of wat to be done to clear off my nonsensual tots within.. how shud i put forward of wat i’m feeling like lacking from him..
do help me get out of this by ur advice..
The article was accurate; anybody that disagrees with it is part of the problem. A good man doesn’t have time to deal with a woman’s past experience, and he doesn’t deserve it. Either communicate with us directly and not treat us like a fish, or find a man that wants to play those games. A man wants a woman who can be his friend; it should’ve be overly complicated. As for women being emotionally stronger..ahaha…yeah, I don’t like sweeping generalizations; depends on the person.
Man, although you message contains comes excellent points, your underlying feeling seems to be one of bitterness from a previous experience that hurt you deeply. I lived with an alcoholic women for 5 yrs – so I know how an experience can harm a man’s psyche but forgave her and only wish her peace and blessings. I hope you can too.
If I am way off, I apologize. Its just the underlying message I am getting from your comment.
Signed
Another Man
I guess I’m part of the problem, because to me the article was way off base. Either that, or I’m not a real woman: I don’t think what women think, and I don’t want what women want.
Michael,
You weren’t completely wrong :) I think we all have had relationships in the past that didn’t work out for one reason or another. However, in general, I think one of the biggest problems I’ve had with most women is direct communication without any bs. It seems they feel if they say the wrong thing they’ll lose you as a potential partner. But I always think if you want to find the right person, you have to be willing to be honest and open or the whole thing is based on a false narrative.
I appreciate your observation; but part of it is just the nature of my personality :)
Respectfully,
Man
Well man, I can’t say I don’t agree with you. It gets frustrating with my wife because I am a guy who wants complete honesty right now – she’s a women that wants to sit on it for a couple of days to *think* about. Drives me crazy!!!!
BUT, its part of our history. I grew up feeling abandoned so I don’t like to wait for things, I need to know now so there is no surprises. She grew up in situation where the best thing she could do was to keep quiet and fade into the background. Old habits are hard to break….
Man,
As yoy said in ur last post, is opening up our mind n revealing of wat v feel of being lacked from his side though its not by 100% sure from his side????
Wat i fear is, if i tell him of wat i’m feelong within he may take me wrong thinking that i didn’t take him correctly.. or shall consider my things positiovely???
is speaking out of lack of attention from his side by placing me next to his parents, friends n sports, worthy to be said openly by revealing conflicting thoughts in my mind????
Men want 3 things simple
1. A woman who has her money and shares it
2. Is good looking and not fat
3. Is not hard work
Simple….any man disagrees with that is lying
Oh, and not a pyscho as number 4
Paulito, your not doing yourself any favors. That list is for the foolish man who falls for the woman Folly (Prov 9: 13-18)
I agree with Cathy. What do you do when a man does not communicate and does not know how. It is very frustrating when we need to communicate about our relationship and he does not respond at all. He wants to sweep all problems under the rug and not talk about them or solve them. I’m divorced and now in a dating relationship. I learned from my mistakes of the past and feel that there has to be honest communication between two people. If he holds it all in, how am i ever going to know how he feels about anything. i cant read his mind.
neecy, I was like that. Don’t say anything until it builds up – lash out in anger when holding it in doesn’t work – then don’t say anything because of feeling stupid for not saying anything earlier. Repeat as necessary…..
There are a lot of disrespectful men about but I also know women who treat men like crap.
From my experience it’s not ‘men’ who need to change it’s attitude. If you keep choosing men who have no respect then what do you expect? There is a term for this and it’s co-dependancy. I used to be co-dependant, keep choosing men for the wrong reasons, maybe because he was really good looking and had charm but nothing else that made him relationship material.
I’m currently with a guy, we both don’t want kids yet, we both like our own space, we both like sex and I don’t manipulate him by not giving him sex. We are both happy.
I don’t take rubbish from men and don’t expect a man to take it from me.
Choose the right man or if you have chosen the wrong one and he refuses to work on things then leave. Don’t become a victim and moan about it. At the end of the day relationships are CHOICE. You choose to be in a relationship with a particular person and you CHOOSE to stay. It’s not a gender thing to lack respect. Yes there are horrible men out there and men have ways about them that women don’t like but not all men are selfish they let their ways come between you. If you chose a selfish man and chose to stay with him then you only have youself to blame.
Zessie,
You expressed fear in communicating with your partner. I think that is your issue; not his. If he’s a good guy, he’ll listen and try to relate to how you’re feeling. As for his taking you with is family, I would think that is a positive thing.
I thought this thread was about what a man wants; not personal experiences of things gone wrong aha. If my girlfriend provides me with basic communication and treats me well, I give her the same. In fact, sometimes she can be a real b****, but I love her and sometime when someone is feeling like crap is the time they need you the most.
Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what we can do for them; not just what they should be doing for us. Also, people need understanding and compassion so they can overcome things that are creating problems in the relationship. But I love my gf for who she is, not her potential, so I’m willing to accept some bs sometimes.
Probably my last post on this issue :)
Okay, so… What this person has said about women is not strictly true! I mean ‘Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything.’ that isn’t turue. My boyfriend and me talk about what we want as a couple, as two people and as two friends. I hide nothing from him and (I’m sure) he hides nothing from me.
I have once been in a relationship and the guy cheated on me, so I do not believe that women in general should not be blamed for a roaming eye. In point 5 women can HARDLY be blammed. I mean, I KNOW that not all women are loyal and one of my friends was cheated on by a girl.
Also men can do EVERYTHING that women are accused of in this article, and I’m not saying that ALL us girls are innocent but I AM saying that most of the points that this person wrote about apply to men aswell. We WANT to communicate with you, we WANT to be able to just talk. I am SOOOO lucky to have found my boyfriend, he understands the need to sit and discuss, to LISTEN and ACT!!!
One more thing:
I am a woman!!! And I can tell you that I do NOT think like that… at ALL!!!
Man,
I do not agree with what you said to Zessie.
Have you considered that the guy is causing the problem? I mean from what she has said I think It’s true. He is pushing her away, for whatever reason… maybe you are right and it is that there is not much communication, but sometimes you as a guy have to make the first step. Letting her know she CAN talk to you is actually a good option.
Also to someone who is introverted or just shy communicating can be difficult. Trust me I would know. But It doesn’t help that you sorta misunderstood her last comment.
Placing her next to his parents, friends and sport is not on. In other words he is blowing her off and she doesn’t like it. Nor does she know how he will react to that. When situations like these come up it usually means that you REALLY like the person you are seeing and usually work yourself into a panic over what the will think.
~Kathryn
Ok, so after reading the article AND the comments, I still don’t have a clear understanding on what men want in a relationship. All I know now is that each man is different from the next (Programmed more or less the same), but with different needs and different wants depending on their own values of what a relationship should be. Hmmm, can’t say this article was worth reading….or even the comments, I’m still just as confused! Ugh!!!!
BTW, The reason I was reading this article in the first place is b/c my “man” can talk the talk very well but has a problem walking the walk which is quite aggrevating to say the least. I believe he tells me what he thinks I want to hear so there will be no “discussion” or “differences of opinion” that he has to worry about!
Anyway, good luck everybody on your relationships! Hope you all find the happiness with your mates that WE ALL clearly want.
As a woman, I think that when you meet a man at the same level of intelligence, you can communicate much better, when you develop a friendship first, it helps both understand each other better. I think respect & trust are of utmost importance. As your friendship grows you understand each other, when to say things, if it is even necessary to say something. Where there’s trust & respect so many trivial issues never come up. I also believe that you both need to have common goals & be supportive of each other, that’s love.
My take on this article is the men interviewed were ready for relationships, or it was women posing as men, or gay. If the majority of men actually thought this way, there would be far less divorce rates, and women would not be choosing single life.
I am not an average woman, by any means, I do not manipulate and have never understood women that do and if a woman feels like they have to manipulate to get what they want – the relationship is not meant to be. I refuse to play games. I need my own life and I want my man to have his too, so we will have fresh things to talk about. What on earth do you talk about when you are together all the time? But, for this to work both people have to be committed and continue to grow as individuals, while growing as a couple. This takes balance. And, balance is the key to everything, but how many people are truly balanced? The more fun we have with our friends – the more we want to be with them, the more fun we have with our partners – the more we want to be with them. When everything goes south is when you find who has your back, and that is who we want to be with. When the chips are down we all want the person beside us who has our best interest, and mental state, at heart.
Most people don’t want games, but most of us will take part in the game at some point, because we try to make something work that isn’t meant to be, because of chemistry. Chemistry is very misleading, because it fades. I have a guy that I am soooo attracted to, but I KNOW he is not right for me. He wants to jump into the sack, and I refuse. This is a difficult stance, because man, is he hot!! But, mentally and emotionally, this is not in my best interests. Some women would jump in the sack, have expectations, and waste time trying to make him change his mind, or commit, when he plainly states he just wants sex. Why would anyone want to go there? I know I would be setting myself up for heartbreak, and personally, I would rather go without sex with a hot guy, than deal with the aftermath. I want someone to shake my world (and, me shake his), but I want that someone to be around for a long time, not just for a moment.
Women used to have to rely on men to support them, now we don’t. We don’t want a bitch, we want a companion. Someone to share our lives with, someone that we can love and nurture, and still be ourselves. And, we want a man to be committed to us and only us. This is where some men go wrong. They may be committed and come home to us, but they seem to be able to separate sex and commitment, where women have a difficult time. For a lot of men, sex is physical and commitment is emotional. They may have “emotional” sex with their partners, but have “physical” sex with anyone. This is why you often hear “they didn’t mean anything to me it was just sex, I love you”. Believe it or not, women deal with this everyday, but when the shoe is on the other foot it is earth shattering. Men are not the only ones with egos. I once heard a statement that every relationship ends where the other one left off, and it is true, because we unknowingly pick up baggage along the way and carry it into our new relationships. We all should learn, but should treat each relationship as new, because it is new and if it is worthy enough to start, it is worthy enough to start anew.
I have learned I don’t need a man to make me happy, but I need to be happy with myself BEFORE I bring a man into my life. We first have to be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want, before we can be good to anyone else. Love the way you want to be loved, and forgive the way you want to be forgiven. Only once you know who you are, can you appreciate another for who they are.