What Men Want in a Relationship
How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.
I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.
I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.
Crave intimacy?
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Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
I totally agree with this. I actually just want appreciation from a woman.
I feel so depressed before, but when I read this I felt better.
I cannot blame women why they demand so many things, I know that in the future they will be the one who will suffer the pain of bearing a child.
They will be the one who will make your dinner at night (I guess), or pack you a lunch or make you a breakfast.
Yes, I know those. But we also do something, We work, We make sure that everything is secure, We think of the future, We lead the family and We stay at your side at your side through heaven or hell; better or worse.
We maybe a jerk or an [expletive deleted] sometime, but I believe there’s a woman behind every successful man. Woman is the sole key to every man’s happiness.
We can comply to every woman’s demand just love us, appreciate us, care for us and never leave our side as well.
Then It’s up to us to do the rest. Just make us feel loved and appreciated. and that’s all. Very simple.
I want to compliment this group and website. I think they have it about as close to right as I’ve seen. As an older male, I’ve had to wade through my share of situations, issues, and disappointments. Underneath all those superficial things that cloud and confuse life when we’re young, being loved, cared about, appreciated and respected by an emotionally and financially mature (financial attitude) female is very important. We also want enough of your time in shared experience to convince us that we aren’t living life with a room mate. I strongly and heartily approve of this website and the obvious desire behind it to provide something of value and meaningful to both sexes.
Look up Corinthians 6- and 7 7 is the relationship not part 6
Corinthians7:1-5
“Now concerning the things you wrote to me: It is GOOD for a man NOT to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immortality, Let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband.3 Let the husband RENDER to his wife the affection due to her, and like wise the husband also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have the authority over her own body. but the HUSBAND does. Do not deprive one another except with the consent of time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan may not temp u because of your lack of self control”………. Surely you have a bible you can look up the rest of the passage in 7:8 says to the unmarried or widowed it is better to be single, hes right about that part but hes leaving out the celibacy he either doesn’t know what he is talking about or is trying to trick you that is not Gods way …… beware of false prophets
good article, thank you for sharing
It has been 5 years I have no relationship with a man after broke up with my ex BF due to he cheated on me.
2 weeks ageo I met a new future husband that I dreamed off. He’s smart and brilliant, his appearance is far from a model. But he has something inside that make me comfortable. He come for 1 month vacation and will be back to the UK within 2 weeks. I offer him for adventure trip with my friends and he’s OK about that. The think is, I do not know whether he is get into me, since when we share about opinion of marriage, he gave me Corinthians 6-7, that stated that if you need to have marriage life and still being single is doesn’t matter as long as you happy and comfortably. I can’t cathced up what he mean ? May be you can help me to translate what is it ? Thank you,
Anita, I understand what you are trying to say when you suggest that the only thing you would change about him is his desire to care for his ex-wife but really, that is one of his strengths; he made a commitment and is sticking to it even in very difficult circumstances. Could I also suggest that your presence in his life is tempting him to turn his back on that commitment he made? I know that you are in love with him and I don’t mean to sound cruel but if the situation was changed and you were his ex-wife with mental health issues wouldn’t you want him to be free to follow through with the promise he made to you? Perhaps you need to let him go so that he can put all of his energy into caring for his ex-wife. I know it would be a painful thing for you and him but sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do.
Lord God I pray that You would help Anita know what is the right thing to do in this difficult circumstance and then give her the strength to follow through no matter how hard it may be. Amen
Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a good one. Just to let you know on my update. The man that I loved and enjoying and I MIGHT be over. On Sat Dec 31,st as he was make coffee and counting the scoops.When he got to 5 I said.”Yes honey” 5… He then said. What size do you were? And I said what do you mean? And he said what size ring? I replied 6. I then thought that he bought me a ring and I would get it that night. Well I was wrong. TOTALLY WRONG!!! That night yes I was dring for the New Year.. I got out of bed and slept on the couch all night. I cried and told him that when he asked me the size. I thought I was getting a ring.. I told him a few weeks ago that I wanted a ring of him saying he wants a furture with me. I know that he has said it, but with what I put up with I feel that a ring would make me feel like we are in a relationship and that I am the one he wants in his life for a furture. He can not do that. I never mentioned her going away. It is like he is loving me and still needing to take care of her till the end. For some woman who is sick she sure can stay alone every weekend for 4 years plus. Enough is enought. I love him so much. When he brought be home he mention giving me time and told me to call him when I wanted to see him. I am so hurt, confused and torn. I know it might be the best for me to walk away, but he is the man that I love so much. If I had to change one thing about him , it would only be that he has to take care of her… He does treat me like a queen in all ways. I have not hear from him since he brought me home today.. He needs to place a ring on my finger or this will make me know that he is not going to make a committment to me ever.. At the same time he tells me that nothing last forever…. (Yes the ex wife does)
Thank you all for the advice and the prayers. I have made up my mind that after the first of the year I will slowly walk away from this man. I will slowly do this for my own sake. I now feel that I am stronger. For now I can say this to you, I have to know that I have waited long for this man to make more of a committment to me. I will pray that I can do this. Are holiday time was wonderful. But if she is that ill then he needs to place her somewhere so that he can have a life of his own. I know that this might shock him in all ways, but what more can I do? I know that I have to do this for me and maybe for him as well. It might make him wake up and mayne it will not. I had told him several months ago that I can not and will not wait much longer. I told him that I also wanted a ring of a committment for us. And I will honestly give him until after Valentine’s day. Things have been just as normal and great with the both of us. No stress he tells me, but at the same time he does not realize that I not only want, but I deserve. If it is meant to be he will be back and I will tell him that she has done this to us both. Like I said.. I knew of this situation from the first day. I was the one that let it continue. I love him will all my heart. And now I have to love me as much. Thanks for the help and advice to all.
this article makes so much sense and is probably the only source of understanding most men.
Heavenly Father, I pray for Anita. I thank You for the helpful advice she has gotten and how You have been directing her. I pray that You would continue to lead her through the difficulties of this relationship. I know she wants to honour You in the decisions that she makes so I pray that You would be clear in the way that You speak to her. I pray that you would lead her to the passages in the Bible that inform her about the priorities that You have and that she would be strengthened by Your Spirit to be obedient. I pray for this man that she has fallen in love with that he too would look to You for leading in his life and that he would know how to care for his ex-wife. I pray for her as well as she faces life with this mental illness. I know that You can heal her but You also use these kinds of infirmities to accomplish Your purposes. I pray that Your will would be done in her life and that she would discover the strength that comes from life with You. Amen.
Thank you very much. I just wish I knew more about her illness. I think that he could have her live somewhere eles and even if he needed to help her, then I would be ok with that. I would not mind meeting her at all. Not as his girlfriend, but just as a old friend or past co worker. She is afraid if another woman comes into the picture that he will not take care of her financially and she will not have a place to live. That is here fear. I know that this is the most wonderful man that I have know and that all of his qualities are great. We get along and never ever fight.. he has told me that he wants to marry me. And I told him that I do not worry about marrieage, even if we just lived together. I know that I have made the decesion to move on or slowly break away after the holidays.. I set a date of Feb 22nd. And I will stick to it. I have to for me and if it is meant to be then God will make it all work out. He does tell me that he does not want to have me out of his life at all.. Time will tell for now I guess. Thank you and I really appericate your advice and comments. Thanks Anita
Thank you for all your responces. I just want to update all of you that have helped me in alot of ways. I wanted to mention that no he does not have kids with her or at all. I have made a decesion to live for me and after the holidays I will let him no that I will either have to meet her or if he ever wants a life with me to call me, he has not make a choice. I don’t want to do this. Like I said, he is good to me, but I want and need and deserve someone who wants to live with the love that I have to give. I will be 53 in Feb and need a man who wants to be my life partner in all ways. To meet her! Well she is afraid that if there is another woman around that he will quit taking care of her fincinally and then she will have no where to go at all. This is a problem for me. She does have someone to take care of her when he is with me and when I see him during the week. She can know that he has friends even if it is a female. This relationship is great and he is all that I have ever wanted in a man, But not a ex wife for life.. I have meet friends of his more that several times and it is confirmed that she is sick. Will her illness get worse? I do not know.. If there is anyone eles who can tell me more about her mental illness, please give me your imput.
*** To Rey ***
Was your message mainly towards me, I assume so since no one else has really replied too much over the past 2 weeks, so I wanted to say:
I feel certain that you missed my point completely or that maybe you did not read Anita’s full message then my entire response possibly, or am I wrong?
My response was to agree with exactly your ‘type’ of point. Anita is in a very difficult situation where she wants to know if she should leave a man whom has loved her and treated her well over the past 4.5 years. The dilemma is that he is still living with his ex wife whom he claims he absolutely cannot part with BECAUSE she is a schizophrenic. And he has had a set schedule for the entirety of their relationship so that he can only spend certain days with each woman, his ex wife is a platonic relationship at the time, and he thinks this is logical. Therefore, HE said his schizophrenic ex wife could not be left alone much… making this a more severe case than your own.
To which my point was, that there are many schizophrenics who are just fine and take care of themselves and do not need his claimed around he clock attention, nor is she helpless. Even you are proof of this. I added however, that IF she was in a more critical state, THEN and ONLY THEN would his claim be logical in any way, which would make sense that she cannot be out on her own… However if she IS in a more critical state… Why would she not have more medical attention instead of the pitty-care he is giving her now… Read the whole convo if you can get a chance.
I for one am very well informed on many mental diseases, I have been studying them since I was a child seeing as my one year younger sister, whom is now an adult, has lived with missing a small portion of her brain, is mentally disabled, and has several different mental illnesses because of it. This is not topic I take lightly,nor is it one that I thought was fair to hear her boyfriend use as an excuse for his own beneficial purposes to living with one woman, but loving another.
If you were responding to another comment, then all the same my reply stands, I feel that this may help you understand why we started discussing more severe states of schizophrenia, as it was the only way that her boyfriends story could have made sense… Just saying.
*** To Anita… sorry your message is being discussed so often, no offense or disrespect intended in any way shape or form.