What Men Want in a Relationship
How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.
I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.
I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
Hi ,,meet a fab guy about 3mt ago…we talk for a while,then went on dats…ever thing was great..he wanted a relationship with me and so did I….after 4 weeks of dating .he called the next day and said he did not thing it would not work ,because of the kids ,which are 14/16yr…dont know whay to do as i am mad about him…Carmel
When my husband and I first met, he was still geeky and awkward, shy and aloof. Over six years of marriage, I worked on his self-esteem, getting him to exercise, groom, pay more attention to his outfits from wearing shorts and T-shirts to fitted shirts and bermudas and nice jeans and stylish shirts. My always showing appreciation and admiration for him, choosing to encourage him made my husband grow more confident and slowly he has turned into this egotistical maniac who now thinks he is god’s gift to women and the shining male example. He seems to be trying to win back his high-school days now, hitting on 18-year-olds and acting very obnoxious when he is drunk, cussing at guys and picking fights. I think he was picked on in high school and now all his resentment is finally rearing its ugly head. My husband is not more great or intelligent than the next guy, but what he doesn’t realize is without his wife and daughter, he is nothing but he now thinks he is better than everyone else and recently started threatening divorce. Some days I think all that “see the best in you” really got to his head when really he used to have horrific habits which if he was on his own he would have been an obese drunk working manual labor jobs like his family background. I am desperate to keep my marriage in tact for our daughter’s sake. What should I do? Help!
Tray Tray, I would also caution your perspective of “My job on physical is the take care of myself on a physical and on a mental, his is the same” While I would agree that we are all responsible for ourselves and need to care for ourselves, that mindset can also turn very easily into a selfishness that is destructive in relationships. When a husband has the priority to serve the needs of his wife and an wife is equally focused on serving the needs of her husband it creates an environment of love that helps both individuals to thrive. Neil Josephson talks about this in a video at http://powertochange.com/familylife/video/how-to-be-happily-married.
To Lisa Harris.
You asked, “For the men reading this, what do you think women want most out of a Relationship?”
I believe that a woman wants to know that she is special and cherished. So, how is that experienced? By her man respecting and appreciating her differences from him as a women as well as her unique personality and mannerisms. Nuff said.
Tray Tray, even though much of what you said was reasonable and helpful, these words of yours are just as destructive to healthy relationships as the attitudes of men who feel they are superior to women. “He is the weaker species. He is less, secure, less, confident and less mature. We as woman(some of us) by nature, are all those things and on a superior level to them. For me personally, I understand what he needs to feel and hear in order to “validate” his manhood.”
Essentially, you are saying “better than” instead of the way it really is, “different than.”
Hey Suzi, sometimes messaging those things isnt so bad. We have tounderstand the dymanics of a man’s energy. He is the weaker species. He is less, secure, less, confident and less mature. We as woman(some of us) by nature, are all those things and on a superior level to them. For me personally, I understand what he needs to feel and hear in order to “validate” his manhood. When we are home it is my job to do such things, on the physical and on the mental. What it is not my job to do is to conpromise my self respect in order to do it. My position in the relationship is, I will give and do whatever it is he’s need me to do to ensure that his manhood is not compromised and he feels like a man. I know that or men they have to project a certain amount of masculinity when he is outside of our home. When he is in our home and in my presence I need him to know thats its not necessary he can feel comfortable with me enough to cry like a baby if he needs without his manhood or trust being compromised or validated. My job on physical is the take care of myself on a physical and on a mental, his is the same. And the benefits of that is that, the better I feel about myself physically, the more confident I am sexually and he reaps the benefits of that confidence. I understand men will be men but I try and make so that before he makes a conscious decision to cheat, that with the decision they’re will be a sequence of reactions. First one is, I leave, me and all the fringe benefits that come with me. No compromising, its a non negotiatable entity. And he knows that the line is long for men waiting for someone like me. I am very quite, submissive, mysterious women, I am sexually as confident as I have ever been, I am not crowding or manipulating. I will support him in life and in death, as long as he understands to not cross the one boundary I have. DO NOT disprespect me, in any context. Other than that, i have no problem with stroking a little ego to make him feel good about himself. Whatever keeps the peace.
great article iagree with this article what men want is want women want too
Yes a man would take a confident secure independent woman over a great looking simple minded, woman who has absolutely no direction for her life. In reality a relationship is a business. Love is the bonus if the business doesnt do well than the dynamics of the love changes. Its hard to respect a lazy man/woman with no ambition. A woman who is ambitions with out being high strung, motivated and also being humble is an extraordinary turn on for a man. Looks have no baring on that. A confident woman exudes SOMETHING that lures a man, and it has nothing to do with looks. That aura produces a certain sexuality that men can smell a mile away. The best combo for a woman, confidence + independence(not always money)+ motivated + humbleness, men LOVE THAT WOMAN, and not for the short term for the full ride.
I second Kahu’s comments. Actually the wants and needs do not differ much. Communication is key.
It takes two to tangle. “A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.” Women are not always the problem to any relationship. Women are not always incapable of comunicating with their man. It’s one sided articles like this that make women seem like they can’t communicate or resolve issues in their relationship. Men need to learn as well on how to communicate with their woman. Both partners in the relationship should work together in getting what they want especially if they desire the same kind of relationship. maybe, we all need to understand the facts that men are more prone to action and women are communicators thinkers, if men learned about those special qualities of his lady he may know how to respond to her needs. If women would learn how to communicate clearly what her man desires, needs, etc. Maybe working together to build a good relationship is the key. Its good to give advise or suggestion as a mentor to a person seeking help for themselves however it is a strong possiblity it won’t help the relationship much without the other half getting some advise as well. Just Saying
I do agree that most men do want the kind of relationship that most women want. However, that to me is unrealistic because we are all individuals with our individual baggage and there is none without it. So we bring this individual baggage into a relationship thinking somehow the both of us together can resolve or dispose some of each others baggage. However, I think we miss the point some would say its how we communicate to each other. On the other hand, most of us know that communication dosen’t always work, it takes a good listener to understand what the other is truly saying even if one has to strain listen. The response to the communication it is also important in a building a solid relationship. Men are men and women are women together we are adults, most of us just haven’t learn how to behave as one. If only we can understand that in a relationship no one has to be in power over the other except GOD in which I do believe. As two people in a relationship we are suppose to enjoy each other no matter who is right or wrong. No, some relationships don’t last that long because maybe it was something to learn from or letting go of. What ever the case Love is suppose to conquer everything, or maybe we need to learn the right way to Love.
Trisha and Suzi, you are right that this doesn’t fit all men. Unfortunately there are some men who are looking for unhealthy relationships and their own gratification. Those are not men that you want to be associated with. You will not find a lasting, fulfilling relationship with those kind of men.
To Suzi, you have told the TRUTH! i know some men will disagree but the majority of men are like this! The guy i was with would set me up for a break up so he could go be with someone who showed an interest in him. When he was done using her, he would come back to me. He liked the confidence and strength in me yet i wasn’t the one ‘massaging’ him. He is attractive and a singer and got plenty of that from all the women who would throw themselves at him. i bought him fine pocket watch and had it engraved. Know what he did with it? PAWNED IT! He did the same with the guitar i gave him. i knew i had to look at MYSELF and why i would keep taking him back. It was really hard for me to let him walk out of my life a year ago. i had such conflict between my ‘rational’ head and my emotional ‘heart’. i need time to work on myself. Thank you for your up front honesty!
Suzi,
May I ask which part of this article you disagree with? I think you might have been unlucky, obviously some guys are differ to the points raised in this article. However, in general, most of this article is 100% spot on.
It’s been a while since I re-visited this article, and there were some interesting responses regarding my question.. “What do men think women want?”
It seems that many of the guys who responded were pretty much spot on. The research I’ve done says otherwise, but I guess guys who browse articles like this have a much better understanding.
My readers greatly appreciated this article, and I think a couple of them posted aswell. Keep up the good work Rinatta.
Lisa Harris @ http://www.truthsaboutmen.info
We don’t talk it seems unless we’re arguing and I am truly not the arguing type. He is a terrible communicator when it comes to getting to know me, engaging me in conversation. He’s a good person, but he is NOT who I see myself with. He wants to get married. I want to get married, just not to him.
We’re unequally yoked all the way around: I believe in the order God, family, work, friends. He does not seem to grasp that concept. He is not naturally affecionate or romantic. Prior to him, I was celibate for 2+ years, so I didn’t really see that he was not naturally affecionate or romantic.
We’ve had communication issues on top of all of the other issues. He is complacent and insecure. He does not compliment me when I know I take extra effort in doing special things. Yet, he acts insecure when he sees many other extremely attractive men staring at me.
I always step up your game, keep that person happy not just by telling them, but showing them, and that has absolutely nothing to do with anything monetary. I know my worth and that I’m a beautiful and vibrant woman, that requires a grown man who knows how to treat and appreciate a grown woman like myself.
HAHAHA. This article is a joke. If this woman did any research, she probably asked a few guys and they told her what they have learned a woman wants to hear, not what is actually the naked truth. I am all of those good things in the article, but my husband cheated on me for three years before I found out. I will list some of the characteristics of the woman who he was so enamored with:
She lied constantly (goes without saying), was insecure, manipulative, emotionally immature, unfaithful (obviously–she was married also), vain selfish, talked on the phone incessantly, gossiped about all her friends and relatives, is not intellient, has low morals and values, was clingy, narcissistic, etc., etc. So what did he (and all men) REALLY want?? The powerful lure was: she complimented him constantly and give him sex whenever he wanted. Yes, ladies, I’m afraid what we’ve heard all these years is true. Frequently massage a man’s ego and his d—-, and he’s yours.
THIS ARTICLE MADE ME SICK!
The last relationship i was in lasted on and off for 7 yrs. He was everything opposite of what you are saying a man wants from us woman! He was a liar, a con artist, deceptive in hiding his true where abouts and what he was doing. i was a secure, self sufficient and confident woman until he came into my life! He continually turned everythng around on me until he had me in such a broken down state to get what he wanted. He disguised his evil ways with gifts and money and trips. This behavior was want confused me yet it was exactly what he was trying to do. When i was open and honest, he would put me down and tell me i was the selfish one to always be telling him what I needed and “what about HIM!” You say the men “want a manipulation free relationship”? All this man ever did was manipulate ME! i am NOT going to praise and acknowlege any man who has hidden agendas and is constantly making wrong and irresponsible decisions and hides what is really wrong with himself. i am now getting my true self back. This article made me sick!
Sabri, I really don’t think that the issue here is whether or not he is a good communicator. The issue is why are you willing to sleep with someone who might not even be your boyfriend? You’re setting the standard for yourself awfully low. I do not know your story, but from what you’ve written here it sounds like you don’t have a relationship you just have sex. Do you ever see him other than when he sleeps over? Do you guys go out? Do you talk – really talk, not just send texts to each other?
A relationship has to be more than just physical. You mentioned that you never expected to like him, is that because there are things about his personality that you dislike but you’re overlooking them because it feels good in bed? Do you like any of the same things? Do you enjoy his company with your clothes on? You have any of the same hopes and goals? Is he a good person? Does he compliment you and make you feel good about yourself? Has he met any of your friends?
Before you start worrying about when your anniversary is you need to figure out if you have a boyfriend or not. You need to talk to him. With your clothes on. If you’ve mostly just been having sex then don’t have this conversation at your place, it’s far too likely that you’ll get distracted and end up in the bedroom. Arrange to meet him during the day, somewhere public and talk. Find out what he’s like and if he’s someone you’d like to date, find out if he’s looking for that kind of relationship. If you can’t make it work outside of the bedroom, the sex won’t last.
IM SEEING SOMEONE NEVER EXPECTED TO LIKE HIM LIKE I DO NOW WE starting dating and getting along we talk at least once a day we txt but i’m starting to see him more often he comes sleeps over all the time but i don’t know were i stand with him i don’t know if what we have is a relationship or WHAT ? we never talk about it we just when we the flow, like when its our anniversary day ?? maybe he is not good at communicating but i’m not either i don’t know what to do ??!!!