What Men Want in a Relationship
How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.
I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.
I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. You you realize how deeply God loves you? You are a human being who is loved by God. You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. He loves you for who you are and will never leave you because of anything you’ve done. Isn’t that just the kind of love you’ve always dreamed about?
You might not think of yourself as exceptional, but you are. You are a hand-crafted original. God made you on purpose, no accidents of fate or chance. The Bible says that when God created man and woman He “saw everything that He had made, indeed it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31) God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. The Bible tells us that Gods knows each of us better than we know ourselves – he even knows how many hairs are on your head! (Matthew 10:30)
It’s pretty incredible to think about. The same God who created the stars and turns the colors of the leaves in Fall, created you. You are His masterpiece and He loves you. God created you to have a relationship with Him.
>> Here’s how you can start that relationship with God right now.
Trisha:
I’m glad that my comments gave you some encouragement, as my wishes are always to help and encourage others with the experiences God has given me in my life. Don’t be discouraged by your past experiences. If your heart’s desire is to have that marriage that God intended for us to enjoy, just keep praying and be patient. God will bless you right on time. His timing isn’t always the timing that we want it to be. But, His plan is always better than our plans because He sees the “big picture” of our life where as we don’t have the ability (though that would be wonderful). He is always faithful to us though and I can assure He will bless you in His time. Every marriage has its good times and bad times, but if you turn to God in everything He will get you through everything. So, just keep praying and keep your faith! God will send that special man that that He has chosen for your life.
Raven – “Fall in love with someone who deserves your heart, not someone who plays with it”
Sex before marriage is a sin and if a woman is playing with you in that area, she doesn’t care about how it affects you physically or spiritually.
I’m sensing from your question, that you already have doubts in your mind about her, but you are trying to rationalize this. If you see a red light, you need to stop before you become too emotionally attached. The longer you go on with this, the greater the heartache will be in the end.
Take some time to reflect on the women that attract you and why and subsequently on the characteristics you really want in a mate. Ask yourself these questions -Do I get too involved too quickly? Do I always need to be with someone?
Do not settle for anything less than the best. Not only will you be unhappy, but you will be missing out on God’s absolute best and wasting valuable time.
Finally & most importantly, you need to PRAY and ask God to help you & He will if you let Him.
Callie, thanks so much for sharing! Your testimoney has given me hope for my future and who ever God joins me with. i’ve been through 2 divorces and sure wouldn’t want to go through it again! i am content being single yet i wouldn’t mind if God had, not the perfect man but… the perfect man for ME!
I was reading a few of the comments posted and I just wanted to say a couple of things that I hope can be encouraging to some. My husband and I have have been together for 13 years and married for 10. During all of these years, there have been seasons…some full of joy and blessings, some full of despair. When we first met and for the following four years, my husband was abusive, unfaithful, and just mean. I went through my own emotional turmoil because of the way he treated me. But, during that 4th year together, I got saved. My life changed. No, I’m not perfect, as no one is. But, God gave me the strength to weather all the storms. And, thank God, my husband made a complete turn around. We have made it through all sorts of trials. But, today, God has blessed us so much. I can tell you that even in the midst of one of those bad seasons right now. I adore this man. I am so glad that all those years ago, on the verge of divorce, I asked God to let His will be done…whether it was for us to divorce or for us to reunite. We reunited about a month after that prayer. We have been strong since….through everything. I believe God can repair any marriage if He is allowed to. I understand the difficulties of life, trust me when I say that. God can get you through it though. Every elderly person I have talked to about their very long marriage has told me that they went through periods where they thought they didn’t even like their spouse. But, they stuck it out and things turned good again. I guess what I hope to portray in this comment is that you must be willing to truly be there through EVERYTHING and not give up easily. When times are tough, pray. Study the Bible to learn what God expects of wives. And when things get really tough and you have thoughts of divorce, pray harder and meditate on the subject of how God views marriage and divorce.
I have been with this girl for 3 months and it is like she push me away.
I try to talk to her and tell her how i feel. and we have not had sex yet.
it is like she will tease me then i will do it back after she get me turn no then she push me away and say stop. what can i do please
Hi Trisha;
*Hugs* returned back to you as well! Thankyou for sharing your testimony with me Trisha. It is truly inspiring how God lifts people out of terrible circumstances and sets them up on a hih mountain! I will be praying for us both Trisha. God bless you!
Your sister in Christ;
Sherry
Sherry, i agree with everything you say here. Since life IS about learning lessons, having faith in trials and tribulations and being obedient to God’s Word, i, too, am a stronger and closer to Jesus than ever before. i have better “hearing” now and am more aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit. The Bible says to “Love takes no account of the evil” it doesn’t say to be IGNORANT of it! This man had that “puppy dog” expression about himself that influenced me to have compassion on him when all the while he had no intention of stopping the gambling or getting any help for himself. i begged God to move on him because i loved him so much and was willing to stand by his side. After he lost his car and place to live (i never did allow him to move in with me those 7 yrs), he wanted me to drive him back to the place he was staying and at that point i had had enough. As he got into my car, i just sat there and when i told him i’d be willing to drop him off somewhere closer… he grabbed his bag and in a very nasty tone of voice said,”Hey, ya know what? NEVER MIND!” He got out, slammed the car door and started walking. i started up the car and drove away. At first i felt free of him yet i started to beat myself up for making him either take the bus or walk. i thought,”what kind of a Christian does that?” i felt bad for days. That was a over a year ago. He has since contacted me and already the lies have started (actually they never ended). i talk to God about this relationship all the time. He will protect me and continue to lead and guide me. My greatest prayer and request is that he get the help he needs. The addiction continues to keep the door open for the enemy of deception to work in his life.
Like you, Sherry, i want the same qualities in a man yet if God wants me to stay single, i, too, acknowledge it to be His Will.
i actually like my single life and amd content just the way things are. If God wants to change them, i’m ok with that too. Bless you Sherry and thanks for sharing. ~HUg
Hi Trisha;
Amen! I am so sorry for what you went through with this individual. It is very upsetting to say the least. I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but this man you were in a relationship with sounding like a Narcissist as well. They do leave you in emotional and financial ruin. It takes so long to be able to trust a man again. The constant questioning of their motives and are they safe to be with. I refused for a long time to be around men because of my fear of being hurt.
I think the one thing with narcissistic men is that they are very attractive to us women and they know how to tell us the things we want to hear, but, the sad thing is, they don’t mean a word of it.
As a woman, I crave stability, honesty, loyalty, romance and love. Warm and safe arms to embrace me. Not that I need protection, because God is protecting me and provides me safety, but it is nice to have strong arms holding me tight.
Something did come out of that situation. It brought me closer to God and helped me to grow spiritually. I am a sinner and do sin but I know that through Christ’s atoning blood, he wipes them away by confessing my sins to him.
The one thing I have to realise is that whatever God’s will for my life is, I am willing to accept that. If it is His will that I stay single, than it is His will. I will absolutely never again look for love. I trust God to bring along the right person in my life. God’s judgements are always right and true.
Sherry, i wanted to futher comment on you saying…”Experience of myself and women I know personally, most men are looking for women to look after them, pay their bills and give them sex and if you can’t offer them these things, they are gone.” This is also very true in my experience as well. When i stopped bringing my credit cards with me, when i wouldn’t pay for his insurance because he “didn’t get his paycheck yet…” when i wouldn’t offer to buy him the electronic gadgets he kept showing me in the stores, when i stopped the sex… stopped letting him come over and eat and drink up my groceries…yep… off he went for another victim! This man is attractive, treats a woman with his charm (in the beginning as he sets you up) takes you to all kinds of concerts, shows and moview, will take you on a trip (when he hits the jackpot, only she doesn’t realize where the money came from) and wines and dines UNTIL…you don’t reciprocate back. i found out one poor woman had to file bankruptcy by the time he left her. He wiped her out so she was of no futher use to him. We need to remember there are 3 different kinds of love, eros, felao(sp) and agape. They all have their place in a Godly relationship. Eros wants the attraction and the sex, felao is “i do for you and i want it returned” and then agape love is the love Jesus advocates . It’s unconditional. It gives with no thought of return. These men who call themselves Christians and still act so far from agape are ones who really need to study the scriptures. God help us to make better choices and learn from the wrong ones.
To Sherry…i SO empathize with you! i too, after 7 yrs of a man trying to get me to basically hand over my credit cards, had to dump him. i never knew he was hiding a gambling addiction. One weekend he’d spend to the hilt then the next we weren’t able to go anywhere. Every time we did go somewhere he would always ask,”Are you sure you have EVERYTHING?” Meaning: do you have your credit cards…ya know…just in “case”. He actually pulled up to a gas pump one time out and told me he left his wallet home and i would have to fill the car up with my credit card. i was LIVID! There was nothing i could do but comply. i was so furious he had pulled this i broke up with him that night. Oh , he came back…he always did. Ya know, love is so stupid at times isn’t it? We love these jerks and they take advantage of us. i tried to bring him up to my level in the LORD yet his gravity was always pulling me DOWN. i have learned, if you can’t accept the man just the way he is, me being with them in my authenticity and honesty IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIM. i know the Bible speaks of showing by example and you might “win” the man yet i haven’t found this to be true in my case. i had to let him go even though i love him very much. Now should the LORD move on him and get him the help he needs, i will stand by him and support him. Other wise, i keep him at a distance.
Anita, As I read your comment it concerns me that you are not allowed to meet his ex-wife, not allowed to call him, not allowed to go to his house. How do you know for certain that he is divorced? How do you know that his wife really is sick? If he was telling you the truth there would be no need to be so secretive. Regardless of what his situation with his wife is, it sounds as though he is simply unavailable. I think that you said it best yourself, “this other woman has my life”.
When someone loves you, when they want to be with you they don’t tell you that you are not welcome in their life. They do not set rules about when you are allowed to call or which family members you can and cannot meet. If she will not allow another woman in the house and he is following her rules then there simply is not room for you. I am so sorry, I wish I had a different answer but this sounds like a very bad situation for you.
You deserve more from him, just as you said. You deserve someone who loves you all the time and it available to you more than just on the weekends. I do not know if part of “being together every weekend” means that you’re sleeping together, I know that if it does this will be much harder. But Anita, you deserve more than this. Don’t share your body with a man who is not interested in sharing your life. You said that you feel yourself letting go, from what I’ve read here that sounds like a very wise move. This is not a healthy relationship for you. I know that a little love sometimes looks better than no love at all but you are only robbing yourself here. Don’t settle. Don’t let yourself believe that a little love is enough. Don’t live on the scraps and the leftovers. You deserve a seat at the table and a plate of your own. If you would like someone to talk to privately about this you are welcome to contact a mentor. Just fill in this form and a mentor will be in touch. Mentoring is a free service. Five years is a long time, I understand that, but your future is even longer. Don’t waste another day with a man who does not deserve you.
I have been with a man for 5 yrs now.. he has his ex wife living with him. she is mentally ill and has no family to take care of her. he can leave her alone all weekend and he and i have a great time together.. she does not know about me.. he can not have his phone on for me to call him. i can not go to his house at all and i have never been to his house.. he calls me when he leaves his house and he does text me. stupid me i have allowed this to go on. he is great to me and the trouble is he does not tell her that he has a lady friend in his life. he does not allow me to meet her because she will not allow another woman in the house at all. he is good to me and respects me. we have been together every weekend since we met and never missed a weekend. i want to live with this man and grow old with him, and he wants the same.. but the troble is.. there has been no change at all with us.. he tells me to worry about what we do have and not what we do not. well this is not enought for me anymore at all. I love him with all my heart and now the light has gone off for me.. i think that i might sit down and tell him that we need some time apart for him to think about what he wants..because i know i want and deserve more from him. I feel myself letting go. any advice..? Please.. this other woman has my life. thanks
I was in a relationship with a “man” who has NPD. It was an utter nightmare. The verbal abuse, the head games, leaving me in financial ruin. When I couldn’t be his narcissistic supply anymore, he flew into a narcissistic rage. It came totally unsuspecting and left me traumatized, hospitalized and just received a slap on the wrists by the court system. The only consollation I have is that God is the judge and vengance is His and not mine.
From reading from other women’s comments, others have been through some pretty horrible circumstances as well. I do believe there is a few good men out there, but, they are very hard to find. Experience of myself and women I know personally, most men are looking for women to look after them, pay their bills and give them sex and if you can’t offer them these things, they are gone.
I have personally had men over the last several months ask me out and they seem to have one thing in mind. S-E-X! They would not accept the fact that I would like to really get to know them and be their friend before deciding to be in a relationship with them. All of them would not accept that! So it seems to me that the whole soulmate idea goes out the window for me. I would really like to be with somebody and am ready to be in a relationship, but, from where things stand for me, it seems next to impossible!
If I had to do it over again, I would never opt for loving a man more than myself or treating a man with unconditional love. Never.
I’d like to thank everyone for being real about their experiences. They’ve all helped me tremendously and been a great encouragement. I too had a fight with my husband yesterday and like always i feel like crap. Sometimes i feel like i don’t have what it takes to make my relationship work because I’ve never had an example to look to, in addition, i have my own issues which mostly stems from my mental. For me it’s a daily deliberate effort to keep my thought life in check and not go postal with overthinking. I loved this article, I found it very very helpful. The article together with the feedback make me feel to go at it again. I know i have a great man, in fact, the only man in the world for me. Firstly, it is the marriage “vow” i made to God that keeps me in check and secondly my love for my husband, that makes me put the overwhelming feelings of not getting it right in action that could make it right. One thing is clear, relationships are for mature people, who are willing to learn and do the hard things to make it work. Thanks again for taking the time to put this together. If one really want help or guidance in the right direction, one would see the value of this piece.
Me and my spouse have been together for 8 years now.(not married) We have 2 beautiful children a home and great jobs.We have come to a hault, finances, money,not enough affection seems to be our problems. I am stuck I am not unhappy however I am not happy I am content. I love him he is an amazing man and father he works hard for our family but I know he is not my prince charming I do not compare him to my exes but I know that I am not in love or loved in the same way I have been in the past. Do I look past these things and make it work for the sake of our children and the life we have built together or is it time to walk away and not waste either of our time and look for the love i have felt in the past. So so confused.
Hi Dikeledi,
It is really tough to be with someone who doesn’t trust you. I am guessing your guy has been hurt in the past and is reluctant to give away his trust again. Unfortunately, that experience has affected you and your relationship. However, the thing that bothers me about your comment is that you mention that he won’t let you go out with friends, he swears at you and uses hurtful words to belittle you. That is verbal abuse and should not be tolerated. For your own sake, it would be best to have some distance until he can speak to and treat you with respect. You are a gift from God to this world and deserve to be treated like a princess. Understand that and don’t let any guy treat you less. I’ll be praying for you as you walk through this situation. If you would ever like to speak to someone more about this in private, we have mentors who are available to speak with. Just click here if you are interested.
I am in a relationship with the guy of my dreams but the problem is that he has trust issues. We are always fighting about useless things such why are u going 2 school 2 study @ night,why do u want 2 ststudy with your friends.I can’t even go out with my friends n if I do he would say I’m dating someone n I’m cheating on him. When his angry he swears @ me n even say words that breaks me down into tears. I truly love him n dnt wnt 2 lose him bt I think m gonna let hm go because I’m tired of fighting
I never dated a man until I was 27, never go out with guys never met men till I stared working in some random company, he didnt love me then I consoled myself with was that time some random guy who show intrested on me in that time. I thought that relationship were all flowers and butterflies but the reality slap me in the face when we had our first child. I was so unhappy when i got pregnant until she was born. I thought he was going to be my anchor when I was very emotionally unestable u know for the post partum but he was more worried about the baby than me, he told such ugly things like I dont love u anymore or u are more a mother to me than a women now. I was 28 that time, unhappy and with hatred in my heart. I cried almost every night wishing for something better. i choose him bcos for me he looked more mature than the other friend whom I loved in that time, but it turn out he was like an old sea dog he had more expirience in relationships than me cos he was a divorced man and he did know everything and I was a newbie on this things, now I know what does work and what doesent work…Now I know that being clingy inside a relationship u cry alot for not being full understanded…U have to live for what they can offer u and dont overanalyzed thigs cos u get more hurt….just continued with your own life, get a life and be happy for your own self although u are in a relationship…maybe the guys u r discribing in this article are bussinessman with more potencial than the averge men…
As a man, I vouch for the accuracy of this article; very well written indeed :)
At the end of the day, all “good” people, be it men or women, want is to be loved, respected & cherished, of course there are those men & women who cheat, manipulate & hurt others but one should NOT generalize about ALL men or ALL women because of bad choices & bad experiences one may have had, one will only hurt oneself by harboring such negative feelings about everyone of the opposite sex, & thereby minimize their chances of meeting their Mr Right or Ms Right
Some fantastic posts by Kay & following excerp says exactly what I’d have said :) – “If you simply have not found someone that was the best FIT for you (not literally you, just saying in general for anyone)… Then accept that its your own fault for staying/living with someone you did not trust, for dating or marrying someone you did not take the time to get to know properly, or for befriending or making a spouse out of someone that did not fit the qualities that you really were looking for to begin with, and in the end, its your own fault for not taking out the time in life to get to know yourself enough to know what to look for in order to find that “Best Fit”. SO dont blame other people, blame yourself, get over your past, and keep an open mind for the future or you will never be the individual you THINK you are, and thus, never ever find another WHOLE individual to fill that void.”
Another beautiful piece of advice from Kay that could save a lot of people a lot of heartache – “I always tell people that just because someone is a good catch does not make them a good fit for you and it always holds true”
Some very good points made by VEE & others as well :)
I’d just like to add that though good men desire independent & confident women that doesn’t necessarily mean that only “professional women” are it, no, I’m sure many good men appreciate the fact that being a housewife & raising a family & DOING IT WELL is not less than any other “profession”; so just as there’s nothing wrong with a confident woman pursuing her career, there’s nothing wrong with a woman choosing to raise a family either & that IS just as repectable & noble a “profession” in itself; at the end of the day, a confident woman is one that makes her own decisions based on her own right convictions rather than allowing societal pressures to dictate whether she works or chooses to raise a family
Thank you so much for providing wisdom and allowing the reader to visualize their own experiences.
I believe if woman and man learn what they need in a relationship they will attract the right partner. It is so important to learn who you are and
what your heart and soul is craving in a partner. I would like to share my thoughts on this subject with the hope it might shed a different angle for some. I truly hope my story helps.
I have always been a confident business woman but more importantly happy with myself and I thank god everyday for all that I am
and everyone in my life. I had three long term relationship with men that I appreciate greatly and but had no desire to marry. So reader label
as you wish. Before establishing these relationship I entered with clarity and it was very important for me to start on a honest platform. The men were aware that I was not interested in having children or getting married. Once the man felt that he needed more then relationship end and we both moved on to the next stage in our lives. All three relationship were very positive experience in my life and I thank god for bring these men into my life. The question was why did I not marry these amazing men.
The first man was Jewish and his family want me to convert. I would have had no issues converting for him but I could not visualize being happy in his family. My father told me that when you get married make your you marry into the right family….so answer was clearly…No.
The second man I had a very positive long relationship with but the spiritual aspect of the relationship was missing. It was based great everything but no need for a long term plans.
Now the third man was a prince in my eyes and I learnt so much about myself from him, he made me feel like a princess. His soul was filled will peace love and grace, which intoxicated me on a daily bases and we connected in all good aspects of a relationship. Loved the experience of loving a man that was spiritual, it made the connection stronger. The issue was religion, I did not understand his religion or the culture and my heart did not allow me to covert. How could not convert to a religion/culture that makes woman believe they should cover their face. I was raised by a father that believes women are beautiful and should be treated with respect. It was the hardest decision… not to marry him….but in my heart I believed god would bring a great man into my life. I remember telling god that I am so happy I have had three amazing relationships in my life and if fate does lead me to Mr.Right, I was satisfied with the experiences he has provided.
I was single for a few years and out of no where came,”The Great Man”,…it was love at first sight…no converson required. He has had two
terrible relationships and god is working on removing certain psychological aspects, emotional blocks and negatives ties to the past.
“The Great Man” is en-powering me in so many was ways. Since we met I can see the changes in my life and the are happening very fast.
His soul fills me with peace love and grace, which intoxicates me on a daily bases and we have a very strong spiritual connection.
We build and acknowledge each other on a daily bases with ease. We are a dealing with the changes that must occur for us to be together
on a full time bases. We are planning on having a home in my country and his country and we will travel together for business when possible.
I truly believe this the path god has paved for us and I acknowledge god very day.
The article says it all, yes I am a guy and it’s true. All we want is to be acknowledged and not told we are wrong all the time. Not all guys are the same. We don’t need our ego’s or our d… stimulated to keep us, that’s a bonus. Hold a decent conversation, have a great sense of humor, know when to be serious and don’t take every word that comes out of our mouths so literally. It goes both ways people. All you hear is how a woman should be treated or how a man is supposed to act. Well I got news for everyone, there was never any instruction booklet made on how to be human. Treat everyone how you would like to be treated. We all want the same thing, someone to be happy with. If we learned to accept people for who they are, not what we want them to be, life would be so much better. Change the things you can, accept the things you can’t change, and have the wisdom to be able to distinguish the difference between the two. We all make mistakes, so if you are looking for someone who is perfect, guess what? you’re going to be looking for a long time. And if you think you are perfect, think again.
There seems to be a pretty diversed opinion on here. Obviously every man is different, and the only thing you can do is ‘generalise’ what ‘most’ men want. I believe this is what the author of this article intended.
If you’ve had a bad experience with a man, which doesn’t relate to this article, you’re probably in the minority. If you ask ‘most’ men (emphasizing the word most) to read this article, I’m convinced that the majority would agree with all 6 points made.
@ commentators I have read the woman’s comments I will make it very simple as to what men want or what they should want. A Godly woman who puts Christ first above her as if he submits to Christ then Christ will provide him with the love of the Holy Spirit for you. If a man just wants sex RUN!!! FAR!!! as he will get bored of you and find another woman to conquest. Many men are insecure yes as many have pointed out however a Godly man identity will be in Christ not in his wife. If a man is not willing to pray with you or study God’s word it should be a red flag as Christ is what makes a relationship work as well as the suggestions. God Bless
To sum the article up in a few words…the Bible says that women are to respect their husbands. If respecting him is too difficult, than respect the office he holds as the man of the house. Men want to be respected, affirmed, encouraged, lifted up, wives making them feel as though he’s their night in shining armor.(It actually works!Over time.) The Bible says that woman was made for the man not man for the woman. To be a helpmate to him. But as frail human beings, we’re to busy trying to get them to serve us and give us what we think we need and deserve. That only pushes them further away. It’s better to dwell on a rooftop than live with a nagging woman, also says the Bible. Ouch! I’ve been there too…so true.
And Biblically, a godly man is to love his wife. Dwell with her in understanding (whether he understands or not, his role is to keep trying without condemning.) Because she is the weaker vessel. Actually all of this is a beautiful truth and concept that really can turn a messed up marriage around if one continues in these principles and doesn’t grow weary. When I manage to continue to walk in this, I literally watch my husband as he starts walking a little differently, paying more attention to me, holds his head a little higher etc., it’s really neat.
“My husband is not more great or intelligent than the next guy, but what he doesn’t realize is without his wife and daughter, he is nothing.” How do you think a significant other would feel reading something like that. Worthless? Unappreciated? It’s clear why anyone would seem maniacal after having committed themselves to someone who thinks of them that way. How can he lift you up if you put him down? Would you want to stay with someone who thinks themselves greater than thou? Where’s the growth in that mentality? How can one ever hope to find completion with someone like that and what will the kids think? I’d probably consider divorce too. It doesn’t help either that I grew up watching my father literally do everything for my mother whilst she did nothing but think of herself to his and our depreciation. It left a hole in us. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to be that.
I agree with you on some of your points Trace and some I disagree with. It is good to know what both sexes need in relationships and how we finction emotionally/mentally, sexually, physically and spiritually. We are the same in God’s eyes but are vastly so different.
Not all men have power struggles with women. There are some carefree men who allow women to make their own personal choices. More serious decisions that cannot come to resolve, the man should take the leadership role without overpowering the woman.
You men need to get over yourselfs about what men want out of a women. You get these women and then because they are so independent you try and control them and put them donw all the time because you are so insecure that becuase they are so independent that they will find someone else.
Men arent all that and should try and look at them selves as when they meet the right person that they click and get along with then they have met there match..
My my men are not GODS for crying out loud they are just every day poeple like us women…
I think I only listened to the crap of what a man wanted out of a relaitonship when i was 18 if you have your relationship based on what the man wnats you wont be that independent woman they all so proclaim on this website that they want because you will be independant and not give a damn about trying to please them you will just want a partner that treats you like an equal… Look at Cathleen on this website she said her husband was geeky and she put so much effort into her man and then he turned on her like they ALL do when are how men want you to be… Been there done that too many times… NOW WAY
I feel so horrible right now because I just had a fight with my dh. I thought I was doing everything I can. We both banging each others head, so stubbornly. I feel horrible because no one wants to give up. I didn’t want to listen, I forgot how and all I could think about was why do I have to be the one who will yield. I felt like a victim, not love, and always treat like a child and nobody. He said he loves me, that’s why he still around, I know he does. I just get so wrapped up with my anger when I’m being picked on esp, when I don’t do what I say I’m going to do. And he gets on my tail until were exhausted of fighting.
I use to think that there was something always wrong with me. Why does he love me? Is he going to leave? Should I keep pushing him so I could be right? Than I read this article and had a reality slap. I dated my fair share of immature, egotistical men who wanted nothing more than just sex and the next pretty face. I was pretty jaded up for it, but after talking to the man I always liked since I was a teenager and now engaged to him after so many years now, I learned something I never thought I would. After my last horrible relationship (and I mean he cheated, lied about the obvious sex text messages, and had random girls at the house) I had it in my mind that everyone was the same. I was going to be single and not give a care about anyone. I was independent, self motivated, and determined to set my life on the right track. Than my now fiance came back into my life, and keep in mind we been friends for years, and told me ‘I love you, happy birthday.’ was something that made me realize I had a good man all this time. He is confident, stubborn, intelligent, and an a–hole, but he’s mine. He never thought he was handsome, but honestly, he doesn’t care what others think. He only cares for my opinion, and he does everything to make me happy. I been a total b-tch to him recently. I admit it. But after sitting back and looking at my faults and my mistakes of what I was doing, I was making the love of my life feel not appreciated. I didn’t know what he wanted, and reading this article I can’t help but face palm myself at how stupid and stubborn I had been. This is everything he wanted just the same as I. Thank you for clearing this… because sometimes it’s best to hear it from someone else. A complete strange honestly. Your lover, honest or not, is always going to tell you what you want to hear, either to prevent a argument or he doesn’t care. Mine tries to prevent arguments cause all he wants to do is talk to me and joke around, have a good time. Especially since he is in the military. I feel horrible treating him the way I did, and you know what. That is all going to change. I love him, and I know he loves me. I know he won’t cheat or leave. He makes that obvious because he does everything to make me happy. I can’t help but feel even more confident in my life now and in my love life with him because I understand more than I ever did. My eyes are now open and I plan on just loving my man. Letting him know he is irreplaceable and that he is secure in knowing I am never leaving or throwing him out. I am twenty years old and no offense to anyone out here, but all my life on seeing ‘older’ couple struggling (because of lack of communication, threats of leaving or being thrown out, no appreciation, and never having each others back when shit hits the fan) I find myself one step ahead of most people in relationships because it’s simple. I love my fiance. We have a argument, we won’t go to sleep until we BOTH say sorry and ‘I love you’ before going to bed, and that we will stay on the phone till our phones die till we are no longer mad. We admit when we are wrong, and we work through the toughness together. And that, I have no fear that our relationship is going sour. I know our relationship is in the growing process and it won’t stop till we stop. Knowing that at my age, I am proud of myself, and I am proud of us. Because we done it together without our families and friends opinions. We made it through the hard times, and no matter how hard stuff got… we made it through and were still there for each other. I really appreciate reading this article cause it made me see things clearer than before. A better understanding. I have me a wonderful great man, and he has himself a beautiful, strong woman. An empowered couple that at supported by love, faith and trust. Doesn’t get any better than that. :)
Hi ,,meet a fab guy about 3mt ago…we talk for a while,then went on dats…ever thing was great..he wanted a relationship with me and so did I….after 4 weeks of dating .he called the next day and said he did not thing it would not work ,because of the kids ,which are 14/16yr…dont know whay to do as i am mad about him…Carmel
When my husband and I first met, he was still geeky and awkward, shy and aloof. Over six years of marriage, I worked on his self-esteem, getting him to exercise, groom, pay more attention to his outfits from wearing shorts and T-shirts to fitted shirts and bermudas and nice jeans and stylish shirts. My always showing appreciation and admiration for him, choosing to encourage him made my husband grow more confident and slowly he has turned into this egotistical maniac who now thinks he is god’s gift to women and the shining male example. He seems to be trying to win back his high-school days now, hitting on 18-year-olds and acting very obnoxious when he is drunk, cussing at guys and picking fights. I think he was picked on in high school and now all his resentment is finally rearing its ugly head. My husband is not more great or intelligent than the next guy, but what he doesn’t realize is without his wife and daughter, he is nothing but he now thinks he is better than everyone else and recently started threatening divorce. Some days I think all that “see the best in you” really got to his head when really he used to have horrific habits which if he was on his own he would have been an obese drunk working manual labor jobs like his family background. I am desperate to keep my marriage in tact for our daughter’s sake. What should I do? Help!
Tray Tray, I would also caution your perspective of “My job on physical is the take care of myself on a physical and on a mental, his is the same” While I would agree that we are all responsible for ourselves and need to care for ourselves, that mindset can also turn very easily into a selfishness that is destructive in relationships. When a husband has the priority to serve the needs of his wife and an wife is equally focused on serving the needs of her husband it creates an environment of love that helps both individuals to thrive. Neil Josephson talks about this in a video at http://powertochange.com/familylife/video/how-to-be-happily-married.
To Lisa Harris.
You asked, “For the men reading this, what do you think women want most out of a Relationship?”
I believe that a woman wants to know that she is special and cherished. So, how is that experienced? By her man respecting and appreciating her differences from him as a women as well as her unique personality and mannerisms. Nuff said.
Tray Tray, even though much of what you said was reasonable and helpful, these words of yours are just as destructive to healthy relationships as the attitudes of men who feel they are superior to women. “He is the weaker species. He is less, secure, less, confident and less mature. We as woman(some of us) by nature, are all those things and on a superior level to them. For me personally, I understand what he needs to feel and hear in order to “validate” his manhood.”
Essentially, you are saying “better than” instead of the way it really is, “different than.”
Hey Suzi, sometimes messaging those things isnt so bad. We have tounderstand the dymanics of a man’s energy. He is the weaker species. He is less, secure, less, confident and less mature. We as woman(some of us) by nature, are all those things and on a superior level to them. For me personally, I understand what he needs to feel and hear in order to “validate” his manhood. When we are home it is my job to do such things, on the physical and on the mental. What it is not my job to do is to conpromise my self respect in order to do it. My position in the relationship is, I will give and do whatever it is he’s need me to do to ensure that his manhood is not compromised and he feels like a man. I know that or men they have to project a certain amount of masculinity when he is outside of our home. When he is in our home and in my presence I need him to know thats its not necessary he can feel comfortable with me enough to cry like a baby if he needs without his manhood or trust being compromised or validated. My job on physical is the take care of myself on a physical and on a mental, his is the same. And the benefits of that is that, the better I feel about myself physically, the more confident I am sexually and he reaps the benefits of that confidence. I understand men will be men but I try and make so that before he makes a conscious decision to cheat, that with the decision they’re will be a sequence of reactions. First one is, I leave, me and all the fringe benefits that come with me. No compromising, its a non negotiatable entity. And he knows that the line is long for men waiting for someone like me. I am very quite, submissive, mysterious women, I am sexually as confident as I have ever been, I am not crowding or manipulating. I will support him in life and in death, as long as he understands to not cross the one boundary I have. DO NOT disprespect me, in any context. Other than that, i have no problem with stroking a little ego to make him feel good about himself. Whatever keeps the peace.
great article iagree with this article what men want is want women want too
Yes a man would take a confident secure independent woman over a great looking simple minded, woman who has absolutely no direction for her life. In reality a relationship is a business. Love is the bonus if the business doesnt do well than the dynamics of the love changes. Its hard to respect a lazy man/woman with no ambition. A woman who is ambitions with out being high strung, motivated and also being humble is an extraordinary turn on for a man. Looks have no baring on that. A confident woman exudes SOMETHING that lures a man, and it has nothing to do with looks. That aura produces a certain sexuality that men can smell a mile away. The best combo for a woman, confidence + independence(not always money)+ motivated + humbleness, men LOVE THAT WOMAN, and not for the short term for the full ride.
I second Kahu’s comments. Actually the wants and needs do not differ much. Communication is key.
It takes two to tangle. “A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.” Women are not always the problem to any relationship. Women are not always incapable of comunicating with their man. It’s one sided articles like this that make women seem like they can’t communicate or resolve issues in their relationship. Men need to learn as well on how to communicate with their woman. Both partners in the relationship should work together in getting what they want especially if they desire the same kind of relationship. maybe, we all need to understand the facts that men are more prone to action and women are communicators thinkers, if men learned about those special qualities of his lady he may know how to respond to her needs. If women would learn how to communicate clearly what her man desires, needs, etc. Maybe working together to build a good relationship is the key. Its good to give advise or suggestion as a mentor to a person seeking help for themselves however it is a strong possiblity it won’t help the relationship much without the other half getting some advise as well. Just Saying
I do agree that most men do want the kind of relationship that most women want. However, that to me is unrealistic because we are all individuals with our individual baggage and there is none without it. So we bring this individual baggage into a relationship thinking somehow the both of us together can resolve or dispose some of each others baggage. However, I think we miss the point some would say its how we communicate to each other. On the other hand, most of us know that communication dosen’t always work, it takes a good listener to understand what the other is truly saying even if one has to strain listen. The response to the communication it is also important in a building a solid relationship. Men are men and women are women together we are adults, most of us just haven’t learn how to behave as one. If only we can understand that in a relationship no one has to be in power over the other except GOD in which I do believe. As two people in a relationship we are suppose to enjoy each other no matter who is right or wrong. No, some relationships don’t last that long because maybe it was something to learn from or letting go of. What ever the case Love is suppose to conquer everything, or maybe we need to learn the right way to Love.
Trisha and Suzi, you are right that this doesn’t fit all men. Unfortunately there are some men who are looking for unhealthy relationships and their own gratification. Those are not men that you want to be associated with. You will not find a lasting, fulfilling relationship with those kind of men.
To Suzi, you have told the TRUTH! i know some men will disagree but the majority of men are like this! The guy i was with would set me up for a break up so he could go be with someone who showed an interest in him. When he was done using her, he would come back to me. He liked the confidence and strength in me yet i wasn’t the one ‘massaging’ him. He is attractive and a singer and got plenty of that from all the women who would throw themselves at him. i bought him fine pocket watch and had it engraved. Know what he did with it? PAWNED IT! He did the same with the guitar i gave him. i knew i had to look at MYSELF and why i would keep taking him back. It was really hard for me to let him walk out of my life a year ago. i had such conflict between my ‘rational’ head and my emotional ‘heart’. i need time to work on myself. Thank you for your up front honesty!
Suzi,
May I ask which part of this article you disagree with? I think you might have been unlucky, obviously some guys are differ to the points raised in this article. However, in general, most of this article is 100% spot on.
It’s been a while since I re-visited this article, and there were some interesting responses regarding my question.. “What do men think women want?”
It seems that many of the guys who responded were pretty much spot on. The research I’ve done says otherwise, but I guess guys who browse articles like this have a much better understanding.
My readers greatly appreciated this article, and I think a couple of them posted aswell. Keep up the good work Rinatta.
Lisa Harris @ http://www.truthsaboutmen.info
We don’t talk it seems unless we’re arguing and I am truly not the arguing type. He is a terrible communicator when it comes to getting to know me, engaging me in conversation. He’s a good person, but he is NOT who I see myself with. He wants to get married. I want to get married, just not to him.
We’re unequally yoked all the way around: I believe in the order God, family, work, friends. He does not seem to grasp that concept. He is not naturally affecionate or romantic. Prior to him, I was celibate for 2+ years, so I didn’t really see that he was not naturally affecionate or romantic.
We’ve had communication issues on top of all of the other issues. He is complacent and insecure. He does not compliment me when I know I take extra effort in doing special things. Yet, he acts insecure when he sees many other extremely attractive men staring at me.
I always step up your game, keep that person happy not just by telling them, but showing them, and that has absolutely nothing to do with anything monetary. I know my worth and that I’m a beautiful and vibrant woman, that requires a grown man who knows how to treat and appreciate a grown woman like myself.
HAHAHA. This article is a joke. If this woman did any research, she probably asked a few guys and they told her what they have learned a woman wants to hear, not what is actually the naked truth. I am all of those good things in the article, but my husband cheated on me for three years before I found out. I will list some of the characteristics of the woman who he was so enamored with:
She lied constantly (goes without saying), was insecure, manipulative, emotionally immature, unfaithful (obviously–she was married also), vain selfish, talked on the phone incessantly, gossiped about all her friends and relatives, is not intellient, has low morals and values, was clingy, narcissistic, etc., etc. So what did he (and all men) REALLY want?? The powerful lure was: she complimented him constantly and give him sex whenever he wanted. Yes, ladies, I’m afraid what we’ve heard all these years is true. Frequently massage a man’s ego and his d—-, and he’s yours.
THIS ARTICLE MADE ME SICK!
The last relationship i was in lasted on and off for 7 yrs. He was everything opposite of what you are saying a man wants from us woman! He was a liar, a con artist, deceptive in hiding his true where abouts and what he was doing. i was a secure, self sufficient and confident woman until he came into my life! He continually turned everythng around on me until he had me in such a broken down state to get what he wanted. He disguised his evil ways with gifts and money and trips. This behavior was want confused me yet it was exactly what he was trying to do. When i was open and honest, he would put me down and tell me i was the selfish one to always be telling him what I needed and “what about HIM!” You say the men “want a manipulation free relationship”? All this man ever did was manipulate ME! i am NOT going to praise and acknowlege any man who has hidden agendas and is constantly making wrong and irresponsible decisions and hides what is really wrong with himself. i am now getting my true self back. This article made me sick!
Sabri, I really don’t think that the issue here is whether or not he is a good communicator. The issue is why are you willing to sleep with someone who might not even be your boyfriend? You’re setting the standard for yourself awfully low. I do not know your story, but from what you’ve written here it sounds like you don’t have a relationship you just have sex. Do you ever see him other than when he sleeps over? Do you guys go out? Do you talk – really talk, not just send texts to each other?
A relationship has to be more than just physical. You mentioned that you never expected to like him, is that because there are things about his personality that you dislike but you’re overlooking them because it feels good in bed? Do you like any of the same things? Do you enjoy his company with your clothes on? You have any of the same hopes and goals? Is he a good person? Does he compliment you and make you feel good about yourself? Has he met any of your friends?
Before you start worrying about when your anniversary is you need to figure out if you have a boyfriend or not. You need to talk to him. With your clothes on. If you’ve mostly just been having sex then don’t have this conversation at your place, it’s far too likely that you’ll get distracted and end up in the bedroom. Arrange to meet him during the day, somewhere public and talk. Find out what he’s like and if he’s someone you’d like to date, find out if he’s looking for that kind of relationship. If you can’t make it work outside of the bedroom, the sex won’t last.
IM SEEING SOMEONE NEVER EXPECTED TO LIKE HIM LIKE I DO NOW WE starting dating and getting along we talk at least once a day we txt but i’m starting to see him more often he comes sleeps over all the time but i don’t know were i stand with him i don’t know if what we have is a relationship or WHAT ? we never talk about it we just when we the flow, like when its our anniversary day ?? maybe he is not good at communicating but i’m not either i don’t know what to do ??!!!