What Men Want in a Relationship
How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.
I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.
What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.
The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.
I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.
A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need. You you realize how deeply God loves you? You are a human being who is loved by God. You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. He loves you for who you are and will never leave you because of anything you’ve done. Isn’t that just the kind of love you’ve always dreamed about?
You might not think of yourself as exceptional, but you are. You are a hand-crafted original. God made you on purpose, no accidents of fate or chance. The Bible says that when God created man and woman He “saw everything that He had made, indeed it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31) God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. The Bible tells us that Gods knows each of us better than we know ourselves – he even knows how many hairs are on your head! (Matthew 10:30)
It’s pretty incredible to think about. The same God who created the stars and turns the colors of the leaves in Fall, created you. You are His masterpiece and He loves you. God created you to have a relationship with Him.
>> Here’s how you can start that relationship with God right now.
Hi Rinatta, I don’t mean to be a “jerk”, but why must it always be about what men want, how to read his mind, what he likes and what he hates while it is the man who proclaimed love to a woman. Why can’t a man be educated on how to keep the woman he proclaimed his undying love to…this bothers me greatly, I am not angry. Why must women work so hard to keep the relationship alive while a man passively sails through the relationship until a women is sapped of all her energy to keep the relationship alive and boom! the relationship dies and the man easily proclaims love to another women while a woman is left with a broken heart. Just a thought. Oh..by the way, I am a GREAT FAN of LOVE and will always believe in love and I live with the ascertion that we cannot live without love. I ‘m not a bitter woman at all, I’m just expressing my opinion.
Chantelle, but this is the same kind of essentialism that the article argues for; to paraphrase Fred Clark, it’s like arguing Team Edward vs. Team Jacob, without considering the very real and valuable contributions of Team These Books Suck.
I, as a female, am very much in favour of birth control, and sterility is one of my fondest wishes. If children are as holy as it gets, then I am a happy apostate!
Men are people, and happily, I happen to be a person too. My partner and I relate to each other as people, without feeling the need to act out the roles conferred on us by society according to bits of us that society doesn’t need to see anyway.
Chantelle – can you say ‘bitter’?
Wow, you are seriously inexperienced in the real world of men and women,
and in turn have written a delusional article. Most marriages fail, most men cheat, and it is because men and women are so different that they can’t honestly fulfill each others needs. Women are emotional on a level men will never know, they have since the beginning of time been blessed with the ability and the practice of containing two souls in one body for a considerable amount of time, up to ten months but normally nine. Then they give birth to a new human being. Men have never experienced this gift nor been filled with this higher emotional energy that is “The Holy Spirit”.
Men fill us with birth control and try to sterilize us, cover our face and bodies with sheets, cut off our clitoris in some religions to prevent us from cheating. They will never be anything compared and have resented us, oppressed us, and dominated us for centuries.
I wont lie and say I dont like this article. Some things I find true but I also find it true that alot of men do SAME things they blame us women for doing/thinking. Alot do run with the going gets tough, dont know how to communicate but expect us to read THEIR minds. Alot of men manipulate women and we dont want to be manipulated either. Alot of men make the female feel inadequate and only tell them what they are doing wrong and never praise them for what they do right, etc etc. This stuff really shouldnt be gender specific. Men AND women do this, and probably not on purpose we are all human. I bet some man read this and had the “mind of a women” and had done alot of things towards a lady in their lifetime that only a woman would do or think. Cause I know a hell of a lot of men who have acted this way whether it was a significant other or even just a friend. Good article though!
whenever I read the posted, things just not easier as what we expected,its might happend by luck, men as usual with big ego..sorry if am offend anyone, but thats the thru.We love them, but at the same point I trying to show how much we love them and needing them, it is consider to needy? why like that? I just dont understand! We act like equal but I really confused..I care my men like a men and friend, very appreciated with trust, respect & love..are this still not enough?
I could say I very much different than others, I respect my partner very well, would like to do things together, I just be myself and knowing well how to treat them..
Fantastic article — I have to admit to believing some of the things in this article,even though logically I knew them to be inaccurate, I wasn’t so sure emotionally.
Relationships can be so confusing. At the beginning of the relationship you shouldn’t be too needy, but then men want to feel needed, to what extent? I admit i’ve made some men pretty miserable in my past relationships, but i have grown and changed alot and do honestly want to make my man happy. I feel like i have let my emotions get in the way of things and feels surges of anger when i feel like i’m not getting what i deserve. I hold my tongue and think it through now for a topic of conversation later. How do i control my emotions and why do i feel anger over things that can simply be talked about, but im too shy, cause i’m afraid i will seem needy, so it builds up as eventually an outburst that turns him off and threatens our relationship.
all as said we too have feelings why do men have to be made slaves of relationships because women tend to blame us in everything that happens in a relationship i think its time they realized we too have something we need from them but at the end of the day loves is a two way traffic.
A Guy, it seems like we are not going to find agreement here. The question is who exactly is this God that we worship? There are plenty of other faith related articles on the site, it may be more appropriate to take such discussions to the comments on those articles rather than this one. (Note: I edited your post to remove your last remark about “burning witches” which many would find offensive even if you yourself weren’t intending to condone it.)
Cat, I don’t think our understandings of the Adam & Eve story are too different. (I guess Adam & Eve are sort of related to the topic of the original article insofar as being the original “married couple”?) I meant that in the story evil entered the world not through the fruit itself but rather through the act of the initial denial God. In the biblical understanding of the world, “should” or “should not” (which caries implied moral obligation) are both ultimately rooted in God; “should not” being anything that contravenes what God knows is best for us. But generally I do think we agree more than we disagree.
And as far as Adam and Eve:
Genesis
18 “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be a alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Darren Hewer says:
A Guy: “All religions are the same. They all believe in ONE GOD. Straighten it out people. And we will ALL walk in peace, bow down and praise OUR God. lol.”
You say that “All religions are the same.” but object when people worship Jesus or refer to him as “God”. Would you consider treating Jesus that way to be wrong? If so, it seems religions are not the same after all since this particular detail seems to matter?
I want to carefully note that the fact that there are different religions (ie, they differ in structural, non-trivial ways) doesn’t mean we are intolerant of one-another. Certainly we should be respectful and tolerate those with whom we disagree. But tolerance itself implies disagreement: We can’t tolerate someone with whom we already agree, because there’s nothing to tolerate. :) It’s non-contradictory for me to say “I believe Jesus is God” and “I believe those who disagree are wrong” while simultaneously saying “I respect the right of those who believe otherwise to differ” and loving and caring about them just the same.”
No. At least you worship something besides Money.
But.. worship GOD, not Jesus. I believe in Jesus. But I worship God.
Do you also believe the Koran and Muhhamed (sp?) is also a prophet.
Let us all worship prophets, and wage war…. I guess that is the answer and what is happening in the world right now. Instead all religions could worship God. No fighting over God in the flesh.
There is a distinction, and there is an arguement. God demands no false idols. He expects us to appreciate him. When someone prays, and the first name is a (prophet) whatever is his name, that is not worshipping God.
[Edited by site admin; last comment removed due to inappropriateness]
Darren, I do look at the Adam and Eve story as a creation myth rather than literal truth. It strikes me that you and I probably have different interpretations of the tree, though. I’d frankly never heard the idea that evil itself came from the fruit. It seems strange to have a Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil without good and evil as pre-existing categories. What was there before? If there was no differentiation at first, then didn’t partaking of the fruit create good, too? And if there was only good at first, and evil was created with the first bite and did not exist before, was Eve’s disobedience morally neutral until that point? More to the point, why was the tree named after something that didn’t even exist as a concept?
To me it makes more sense that the fruit is/represents the beginning of moral consciousness. The world was as it was, but humans had suddenly twigged to the idea of “should” and “should not”–of their own moral status–and in doing so, had become something more than what they were.
But you’re right that I don’t complain about evil being in the world. I don’t really believe in evil. I believe in should and should not, but I also think that that’s more complicated than it looks. And I think that evil was at one time probably a useful moral category, but now it does the opposite of what it used to be good for.
A Guy, Cat, & others: Thank you for taking the time to comment! The comments here have ranged far and wide from the original topic of the article (“What Men Want”) but it’s good to see respectful conversations continuing here.
A Guy: “All religions are the same. They all believe in ONE GOD. Straighten it out people. And we will ALL walk in peace, bow down and praise OUR God. lol.”
You say that “All religions are the same.” but object when people worship Jesus or refer to him as “God”. Would you consider treating Jesus that way to be wrong? If so, it seems religions are not the same after all since this particular detail seems to matter?
I want to carefully note that the fact that there are different religions (ie, they differ in structural, non-trivial ways) doesn’t mean we are intolerant of one-another. Certainly we should be respectful and tolerate those with whom we disagree. But tolerance itself implies disagreement: We can’t tolerate someone with whom we already agree, because there’s nothing to tolerate. :) It’s non-contradictory for me to say “I believe Jesus is God” and “I believe those who disagree are wrong” while simultaneously saying “I respect the right of those who believe otherwise to differ” and loving and caring about them just the same.
Cat: “If, on the other hand, her goal was the knowledge of good and evil, then eating the fruit was a perfectly rational decision. I’d do it…”
Since you don’t consider yourself a Christian, I’ll assume we’re discussing Adam & Eve from a “let’s say this was true for the sake of discussion” perspective. In this case, the knowledge of good & evil came via the introduction of evil into the world. (In the story it’s not as though there was evil all around and she & Adam were just unaware of it before.) So in your opinion was it better that evil was introduced into the world than not? If this is the case, it seems to rationally follow that a person who believes that is the correct rational choice should not complain about evil being in the world, because having evil in the world is, in this view, preferable to the alternative. Or it’s possible that I’m misunderstanding the reasoning for choosing evil in this situation.
“my idea of a good life–that is to say, the kind of life that makes use of my talents, the kind of life that makes me happy, the very best I can do–is not God’s idea of a good life.”
I honestly believe this is exactly what Jesus was talking about when he said “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Not freedom in the sense of lack of restraint (which is essentially anarchy) which is the way I used to think about freedom … but freedom to become the person we are meant to be. God, knowing better than us, knows exactly what will enable us toward that goal, even if it seems to spoil some of our fun in the short-term. (And yes, I’ve certainly experienced this myself over the last few years! It’s sometimes hard to see how that will work itself out until we actually wait and see.)
Millie–I’m here for a few reasons. First and foremost, folks at Campus for Christ in my school gave me a laundry bag with this web address on it, so I was kind of invited. But I’m also here in part because there’s a lot of polarizing discourse between Christians and non-Christians, and I don’t think it’s helpful for us to inhabit our own little circles, feeding on this idea of what the Other is and never talking to each other. And partly for personal reasons: I had some bad experiences with Christianity, and regular contact with Christians, as Christians, seems to stop the emotional scar tissue from building up and crippling me. Also, there are some lovely people here. :)
A Guy, I don’t really have any reason to want to follow God’s rules. And my idea of a good life–that is to say, the kind of life that makes use of my talents, the kind of life that makes me happy, the very best I can do–is not God’s idea of a good life.
And it’s certainly not the traditional idea of what a female’s life should be! “Know your place and thrive,” certainly, but one’s place is not determined by sex. Kids make me miserable. Adventure, heavy lifting, and reasoned arguments nourish my soul.
(And I have to point out that rationally speaking, the correctness or incorrectness of Eve’s choice depends on what she wanted out of the transaction. If her goal was to live in an earthly paradise, obeying God in all things, then to disobey was obviously to choose wrongly. If, on the other hand, her goal was the knowledge of good and evil, then eating the fruit was a perfectly rational decision. I’d do it; the difference is, I wouldn’t for a moment be ashamed of it.)
I spill me “beans:…. I am bitter. I l have had love lost. I have learned there is ONE God…. YES ONLY ONE…. GOD. Say in how you may. Fight your wars, fight your fight.. man and women were all to joined in love. There is only US. Women. abandon your speak… take it home. abandon the random text.. take it home. The is a prophet, and GOD will make clear. HE will…. his Will… repeat and believe..
CK
halbcust
Although I only give you a 6/20…. you raised many good points..
Philosphical (SP?) as they were….
Michael says: September 9, 2010 at 7:01 pm ‘Ohh sorry, but the first manipulation or game playing is where Adam was manipulated/conned/seduced into taking that bite from the apple.’
Read it again. Adam was standing right beside her when she took a bite. He did nothing. He was responsible for his own stupidity just as she was for hers.
The sooner men/women quit thinking of it as a ‘us vs them’ battle, the sooner we can get on with the business of redemption…..
Micheal. There is no “is vs. them”. It all boils down to the differences between Man/Woman… Logic/Emotion.
I don’t know which Bible you read, but he didn’t just “Stand by.”
There was manipulation and pressure put on to Adam. Did he not resist? Did he not argue? Re-read your book and look for the truth.
It was not so simple. There was an arguement and emotion took over logic. (A classic good/evil)
Men and women are not equal. Both genders are stronger than the latter at certain things. When we all give into this and accept we will be complete and will abandon such silly arguements.
We are not equal. Nor is each gender superior. We fill in the blanks.
We correct each others faults. As such Adam could have guided Eve in her mistake instead of falling prey to her emotions…
….
….
leaving us all where we are today.
“The Bible says the invitation to heaven is open to everyone–but to accept it is to become a Christian, so only Christians get into heaven. (And they do so by accepting Christ’s sacrifice, which we’re also told we didn’t deserve. As a Christian, I used to be crushed with guilt, because a good man had died because of me when I didn’t deserve it. But nobody asked me if I wanted to be died for; if they had, I would have refused. It occurred to me much later that I could refuse after the fact.)”
God will love you if you accept him. Stick to the old Testament. It’s simple really… “Do unto others…”
Only God can JUDGE us. Live a good life, teach your children. Do the BEST that you CAN do. Can anyone ask for more?
Don’t judge yourself or others so harsh. We are imperfect in an imperfect world.
We do our best. Let us be judged on that.
Have faith. I’m not perfect and I do.
QUOTE:
“Loveness Felistas Mithi
Jesus said his the way the Truth and the right,without the way there’s no going.Trust me no matter the different ways we think of,Jesus is the only way to GOD in Heaven.”
Oh my, shall we worship false idols, or shall we worship GOD???
Jesus was a prophet. Yes
Refer to the Koran also.
Muhammed (SP?) was a prophet.
BUT.. there is only one GOD. This is where the distinction lies, and where wars are fought. Worshipping a PROPHET instead of THE God. All religions are the same. They all believe in ONE GOD.
Straighten it out people. And we will ALL walk in peace, bow down and praise OUR God. lol.
All men/women problems are a result of the contraindictions we see day in and day out. Look back to simpler times. That is the key.
Forget Oprah.
Forger Jerry Springer
Forger “Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.”
Forget your ego, and focus on your family. Know your place and thrive.
Kathryn.. thank you. Well said without going off.. a compliment and an arguement. As such a debate should be.
For the rest. This article was written for men.. Isn’t it at least a ‘good’ guideline for us men?
Bitter yes, bitter no. We live in an age where over 50% of marriages fail.
Now tell me.. has all this psyco-baable (sp?) done all of us a favor or done us harm.
We all have a place in the eyes of god. (or creator by whichever name your faith call HIM). If we all took our places, we wouldn’t be here.
Said.
DEAR CAT,
you know what Hell is real so is Heaven,I dont mind your belief but I wish you could accept jesus as your lord and personal saviour.Because the Bible says no one comes to the father (God in heaven,the one who created you and me) except through Jesus christ.
Jesus said his the way the Truth and the right,without the way there’s no going.Trust me no matter the different ways we think of,Jesus is the only way to GOD in Heaven
God loves you CAT.Had it been he didn’t he could have removed the air you Breath today.WHO CREATED THE AIR? (THINK ABOUT IT)
A Guy,
I think you and me would get along quite well, what with all that sarcasim in the air. Don’t you think?
I am over it. That’s why I am dating someone now. Duh.
Anyway… Interesting point you have there, about the “close your lips or take your hands of the keyboard sometimes and just take a BREATHE”.
The keybored thing did confuse me though. If you are talking about phones – well I NEVER use mine. Facebook – NEVER go on. The computer – Meh, neither here nor there. I like to read.
Now I wasn’t saying anything about what this person wrote about guys is wrong – I mean, how would I know? – but some things the person wrote are slightly off about women.
~ Kathryn
Cat,
I am a Pagan also! But I go to a catholic school and they told us to go on this site so I did. But I am wondering why you came on??
Luv Millie
I really hadn’t wanted to hijack the thread, and I am sorry to have driven Gaynor away. If there were another place to take this discussion, I would gladly do so.
But the fact that no one deserves heaven is another sticking point with me. If I don’t deserve it, then why should I want to go there? I would rather have what I DO deserve–and I will admit, being secure in my eternal destiny in that regard has been a very liberating experience.
The Bible says the invitation to heaven is open to everyone–but to accept it is to become a Christian, so only Christians get into heaven. (And they do so by accepting Christ’s sacrifice, which we’re also told we didn’t deserve. As a Christian, I used to be crushed with guilt, because a good man had died because of me when I didn’t deserve it. But nobody asked me if I wanted to be died for; if they had, I would have refused. It occurred to me much later that I could refuse after the fact.)
I’m curious, though–one solution you offer to the problem of knowing one’s friends are in hell is to convert everyone. But what if that doesn’t work? Will heaven be any less heavenly for you? Will you have to forget them?
Cat, I would like to respond to your apprehension to the Christian faith.
Your statement that only Christians get in makes it sound like God is only inviting some people to heaven. This is the farthest from the truth. Scripture is very clear that the invitation is open to everyone.(Romans 10:13)
Your statement on “enduring eternity with nobody but them.” This to me sounds like you have a very small view of heaven. Heaven will not be some place that we are just to endure, if it was it has the wrong name. The same can be said about knowing that some of your friends are in hell. This will not be the case, again it would not be heaven if we would know this there. That is why it is so critical that we try to do something about that now. Convincing everyone possible that if they commit their lives to Christ, they too will be in heaven.
If Christians have told you that you won’t mind knowing people are in hell then they are just wrong.
About the life you lead now, Cat, would not that life be far better if you knew that your eternal destiny was secure?
Being stuck with a God who gives me nightmares? Bored out of your skull? Wow, I don’t want to be with that God ether, but mine is far bigger than that.
While some of your dearest friends suffer unjustly? Cat, there is not one person on this earth that deserves heaven. (Romans 3:23) No matter how good we try to be we can never be perfect and that’s why we need a savoir. On our road in life we have been told that up ahead the bridge is out and going over it will bring disaster. What we are called to do is stand on that road and warn others not to go over. God has told us that there is another way. Are we willing to heed His warning?
I guess Gaynor didn’t notice the 100 or so comments that relate DIRECTLY to the topic at hand. We are all prone to distractions – it’s part of being the broken human beings that we are.
I have appreciated the majority of the comments and simply filter out the rest.
I connected to this site / chat a few days ago. Explaining that I was divorced after a 28 year marriage & had become stuck in the grieving process.
I have been reading all the comments from both women & men. Everyone has the right to express their opinions, thoughts & feelings. However, now I am reading Women vs Men, Religion vs Atheism. I am posting a comment then will disconnect from the site.
Love & Marriage is an entity where 2 people come together. It has no rules & regulations. Very often opposites attract & if they are able to maintain the balance between “Cerebral vs Emotional” the relationship can survive. Unfortunately, as humble humans we often fail.
Accept the failure. Accept the hurt, sadness,grief. Then focus on yourself as an individual. Use whatever tools you have & work for you. Religion, Meditation, Therapy, Healthy life style of exercise & good nutrition, Slosh back a few drinks & cry your heart out. Non of it is Taboo or Stigma, it is your choice & decision.
Find Love for yourself & how to become your own soul mate.
Thanks for allowing me to read all your stories & comments. I choose to stop reading now. A bickering, self pity, group of people who are stuck in being unhappy victims is not healthy or supportive.
Support = Comfort, Care for, Encourage, listen or read with an open mind, put judgmental thoughts aside if you can.
Forget the the Past, Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow.
I wonder why someone who is obviously so repulsed by God and His eternal promise that you would come to a site focused on Christians seeking help and answers for the struggles their lives bring them.
Darren, I know heaven is supposed to be suffused with the presence of God, there’s no sin there, and only Christians get in. For a Christian, I’m sure that’s wonderful.
But my experience of God has been less than wonderful. Everything I’m interested in has its root in what Christians call sin. And while I have some very dear Christian friends and family members, I don’t think I could endure all eternity with nobody but them. Meanwhile I would know that my other friends, whom I love dearly and who are no less excellent people, were in hell.
(I’ve asked Christians about that, and they assure me that heaven is so wonderful that I wouldn’t mind knowing that people I love are suffering in hell. But you know, becoming the kind of person who wouldn’t mind is kind of terrifying to me.)
So for me, the heaven issue is a choice between the life I lead now, which is the best life I could imagine and full of joy, and the prospect of being stuck with a god who gives me nightmares, bored out of my skull with nothing to do, while some of my dearest friends suffer–in my view, unjustly–as I either look on helplessly or totally ignore them, so changed that it might as well not be me there. The right choice for me seems pretty straightforward.
Although it’s ranging widely from the topic of the original post, I’m still interested to know, so I’ll ask anyways … Cat, when you say that “heaven holds no charms for me,” it’s hard for me to imagine how that could be true, unless your definition of heaven is different than most people’s. (ie, colloquially speaking, something like the most wonderful experience imaginable.) So I was wondering how you would define it?
Michael, as long as I can get some help carrying my list, I’ll be just fine. :) Among other things, heaven holds no charms for me. It’s one of those things everyone told me I should want, and when I actually stopped to consider it, I realized that for me it’s not worth a fraction of what I would have to give up.
I know what I want: to be the best person God has planned me to be. Whatever that is or where ever that takes me, I hope I can accomplish it.
Men just hard to secure for some certain level, what does mean to you when men with highly sensitive?
Somehow, I found they are attention seeker, but how about us women? we rely on them, means we love them, and they told us..pls dont rely on them..
what your ppl really want?
Cat, if you have decided to live outside of God, then that is your choice. I can accept that (although I don’t support it). Remember this, though: one day you will stand before God and have to explain why you rejected Him.
Yes Michael,hope your message its pointing to me? am I right?
do you have any private email to talk in PM?
Oh well – you`ll have the opportunity to tell Him in person one day as to why you had no room for Him in your life.
Well, he’s an atheist and I’m a Pagan, so God has no place in our relationship anyway. I do strenuously object to the idea that I can’t be complete without a man in my life. That might be God’s plan, but I have my own, and I’m the one who has to live with myself afterward.
If you believe relationships are simply just a couple of people getting together to have fun and nothing else, then you miss out on the blessing that God brings. When a man and a woman build a God driven relationship that results in a marriage covenant then “two become one”. The masculine and feminine components that are brought together best represent the encompassing aspects of God’s essence.
Does that bother you to read that? Does you ego feel diminished to believe that completeness can come in through God’s plan of holy marriage?
I am not a man because I stand alone – I am a man because my marriage is submission to God’s plan.
Gerald said,
“A women mostly won’t become more attractive to men by her accomplishments, but by appreciating his accomplishments and being receptive. Men don’t care what women have accomplished. In fact it could even intimidate them. It doesn’t have to, if the women is also receiving and appreciating. But if it at all blocks this aspect of her, then yes it would turn men off. What man wants a woman so ‘independent’that she doesn’t need him at all? Then why does she want him? WHy is she with him? What is his job?”
I don’t need my partner at all, but I value him because he’s witty, kind, and my intellectual equal. (And kind of hot, and he has a nice voice.) Isn’t that higher praise–to be loved by someone because you’re awesome, rather than just because you can do stuff for them that they apparently can’t do for themselves?
I also don’t care if my accomplishments are a turnoff. I don’t accomplish things, and I sure as heck don’t express appreciation for other people’s accomplishments, just to attract men. In the first place, I’ve got mine. In the second place, even if I didn’t, this is my life we’re talking about here. Dumbing it down for the sake of other people would be profoundly dishonest and disrespectful.
And I’m another one who bristles at the author’s statements about what women think. I’d go so far as to say that women who DO think that way don’t belong in serious relationships.
NO Man and NO Heart,
I am having problem with life and no answer is given in the matter of why. I see my fault as person that make choice in life, but as many had stated it is fault on both side. I ask to look at men and women for one second. Take off the wo of women and you have men again, that mean that the apple did not fall to far from the tree. We can point the finger at each other until turn blue in the face or even walk away. The truth is that we have things that happen in the past whether it our childhood or whatever, just make should that you want to deal with it before you get into relationship. I find that more disagreement the answer will appear to everyone that need the answer. Well my have not came yet, because I have to think long hard about my next step to be the correct one. So Thank you for story and everyone comment help one way or other.
Becca,
He knows I has kid, the issue just not there, but he might worry if his parent do not accept my son ..because he’s Italian men, that would be future hubby..perhaps..I love him till the end..that my word say to him..
but let see , I will try my best to convinced his parent to accept me as I am !
Guy…I understand that you believe the impact on our relationships now are from woman trying to change things from how they once were. You may possibly be right. I think that relationships “back in the day” weren’t as phony and selfish as they are now, but critizing these posts made by women in such a negative and childish way is one of the things we were debating about men verses women to begin with. Both sexes see things differently and that is fine but its the words and actions that are offensive to both sexes. These women never said they are not at fault in the relationship, but for them, the percentage of fault lays more on the man, in their eyes, and they would just like some clarificaion as to why “some” men are more emotionally challenged then others. And some of the people on here are just venting and aren’t necessarily looking for a response. So maybe instead of jumping to the conclusion that women are at fault and men are so damn simple, why don’t you take a minute to see that not every woman is the enemy. Maybe we talk too much about how we feel, so what! When you have a bad day at work, or something happens when you are out with the guys, or whatever the case may be, do you not “talk” about it at all? Just because we have differnt ways of expressing how we feel doesn’t make us the bad person. I’m a firm believer in saying what you mean, don’t beat around the bush…but at the same time, show alittle respect by watching HOW you say it!
Bella…if you are serious about this guy…tell him about your kid! That should be one of the most important things to be brought up during your search for a man…if he can’t handle a kid that’s not his, he won’t be the right person for you. That goes for everyone…if you have a child, they should be #1, let them know up front you have a child BEFORE trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right!!!
Ok the part where it says “What women think” is completely retarded! I don’t think ANY of those things about men… which made this whole page just pointless.
I found this article on point and very accurate. As a man, I know what I want. I’ve been studying things like this for a while now, john gray, shaunti and jeff feldhahn, Laura schlessinger, and other writers. Yes I know some people will criticise the author for making generalizations but generalizations pose no problem for me, as long as we don’t universalize them. And I agree.
What suprised me most, then, in this article is how women can get it so wrong, in such hurtful ways, in the worst ways. I think it is due to projection. There are two types of projection- that based on a defense mechanism and that just based on naivity, assuming another’s needs, feelings and wants are the same as one’s own. That naiivity can be destructive.
Women don’t think men need them?
Women think that men can take criticism and don’t need acknowledgment? What man doesn’t want to be the hero to his woman? What man likes being seen or portrayed (especially in front of the children or the public) as the “”bad guy”. Find me a sane man who wants this! Even an insane man at that!
Women think they need to manipulate to get what they want? THat is probably the tool of only insecure and confused women!
The craziest line was that
“”Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.”" Yes it will make a man run away- away from the woman in his life who takes him for granted, as he runs to the woman who shows he is needed. It will turn him off- to all the women who are so independent that they could do without him.
A women mostly won’t become more attractive to men by her accomplishments, but by appreciating his accomplishments and being receptive. Men don’t care what women have accomplished. In fact it could even intimidate them. It doesn’t have to, if the women is also receiving and appreciating. But if it at all blocks this aspect of her, then yes it would turn men off. What man wants a woman so ‘independent’that she doesn’t need him at all? Then why does she want him? WHy is she with him? What is his job? What man wants to be unemployed? Give man a job and be satisfied with his performance, or give honest feedback in a kind way and in a soft tone, without demand or manipulation, and give approval when he is doing well, no matter how much you might assume he doesn’t need it- and this is the way to a man’s soul, or at least to my soul.
“”Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.”" If woman think this, it might make itself true in their case as a self-fulfilling projection. But it is not true of our gender in general, not at all. Men are NOT swine. Men are lions- at least some of them are. There are men of honor. The less trusted he feels, the more likely he is to prove you right. Actually whether you trust him or not, he will do his best to make you right. Trust is actually one of a man’s deepest psychological needs from a gal. It makes him feel honored, and men appreciate and need honor.
Yes I agree with most all of this article. I hope we from each gender can begin to wake up to our differences AND our similarities. Our core similarities that manifest as surface differences. Our mutual need for love but which we can only receive to a degree in different forms and styles. Yes, men and women are similar.. but they are also definitely different.
A Guys :-
Now story has been twisted to another, honestly not him the one will not accept my son, he just worry his family might not approved our marriage..because his family doesnt know I was married and having 1 son..
I dilemma…yes kid always come first..right..
and his family culture most Italian tradionational
‘Ohh sorry, but the first manipulation or game playing is where Adam was manipulated/conned/seduced into taking that bite from the apple.’
Read it again. Adam was standing right beside her when she took a bite. He did nothing. He was responsible for his own stupidity just as she was for hers.
The sooner men/women quit thinking of it as a ‘us vs them’ battle, the sooner we can get on with the business of redemption…..
Oh gosh, if I keep reading ….
This is a great article. You all need help.
Good luck. God bless.
“He apparently doesn’t know that men can be very manipulative and game-playing also (No denying there are women like this too…but its not accurate to imply for the most part men aren’t like this…they certainly can be).”
Ohh sorry, but the first manipulation or game playing is where Adam was manipulated/conned/seduced into taking that bite from the apple.
Kathryn.. big smiles to you!
Glad you are so happ that you read this article and posted.
Sarcasm. Your bitterness is obvious, as is mine. You were cheated on. Suck it up. This age is proper. Go back 50 years and so how rampant cheating was.
‘Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything.’ that isn’t turue.
NO, we just want you to close your lips or take your hands of the keyboard sometimes and just take a BREATHE… and then have sex,.. lmao