What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

© Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you’ll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a “true love magnet”(tm)!

Now that you know what men want, what about what you want? The desire to love and be loved is the most basic human need.  You you realize how deeply God loves you? You are a human being who is loved by God. You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone. Take a minute to think about that – God loves you, and not because of what you do. He loves you for who you are and will never leave you because of anything you’ve done. Isn’t that just the kind of love you’ve always dreamed about?

You might not think of yourself as exceptional, but you are. You are a hand-crafted original. God made you on purpose, no accidents of fate or chance. The Bible says that when God created man and woman He “saw everything that He had made, indeed it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31) God created you and He is interested in the details of your life. The Bible tells us that Gods knows each of us better than we know ourselves – he even knows how many hairs are on your head! (Matthew 10:30)

It’s pretty incredible to think about. The same God who created the stars and turns the colors of the leaves in Fall, created you. You are His masterpiece and He loves you. God created you to have a relationship with Him.

>> Here’s how you can start that relationship with God right now.


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810 Responses to “What Men Want in a Relationship”

  • Paull says:

    You are probably right April, There was something that happened when we first got married. Its a little complicated, but she was married to a gay man for 7 yrs before I rescued her. She had a child, but it was not his. The child was from a co-worker who was much older than her. She wanted to remain friends with him at work and go and scoialize with him and his present girlfriend. I just could not take the way he kissed her on the lips and hugged her. Because she told me about him, so I knew! It was something I could not deal with, so I ask her to stop seeing him, she was very annoyed. But she fianlly did. This may be a resentment she holds. I thought we had a good relationship, she hardley ever turned me down sexually. But now that I look at it she had to be holding back emotionally. Now when she sees me her upper lips goes up slightly and I feel like its a reaction of negative emotion that slides thru. Since she never communicates to me her disgust. She will deny, deny, deny and throws offensive statements to me to not have to answer. Almost as if she does not care. Don’t know what to do. Tried counseling many yrs ago and it did not go well, she does not open up.

  • April says:

    Paull,

    You probably unknowingly have answers to your own questions. Take a long hard look at your relationship over the last 36 years. Women hold things and sometimes for a very long time. Has there ever been a time where you didn’t live up to expectations of the marriage? Did you ever cheat, or did you devote a lot of time to work, or make work a priority, over the relationship. Many men focus on supporting their family financially, which is great and commendable, but sometimes forget, or don’t realize, what the family needs most is your TIME. It sounds like your wife is very strong willed and independant. Do you think it is possible that she has felt throughout the relationship that she had to make all the family decisions? I think of my sister as I am typing this, because she is very similar in the strong willed and independant compartment, and she has realized after her divorce that she felt like she always had to make the important decisions, because her husband was so focused on work and the responsibilities of money and family fell on her. Mostly because he didn’t want to deal with it. I am not saying that is the case in your marriage, but usually when woman are controlling, like you describe you wife to be, is because they fell like “someone” has to do it. Women are, sometimes to their detriment, mamma bears and will take care of their children no matter the costs, because when we hear our child is suffering we just want to fix it. I am not that way, but my sister is. I feel that if I did my job and prepare my kids for real life events, with the hope they will avoid the big obstacles, that I’ve done my job and if they don’t listen, then they will have to learn the hard way and pick up the pieces. That is life, but I won’t “pay” for their mistakes, but I’ve made sure to talk to my kids about relationships, money, education, drugs, alcohol, and being responsible for their own actions.
    But when it comes to how she treats you is another story. Either she has taken you for granted and expects you’ll always be there, or there has been some type of wrong doing, in her mind, and she hasn’t forgotten, even if it was 30 years ago. Did you ignore or neglect her doing your working life? Think about that long and hard. Sometimes when women feel like they aren’t being taken care of, emotionally, they feel like they have to take care of others like they want to be taken care of. It sounds like she is scorned, for whatever reason. I would simply ask her “is there something I have done”? “How can we fix this, because I feel like something is wrong”? “Did I do something to hurt or offend you, because what you are doing hurts and offends me”? “Why are you leaving me out of big decisions”? Don’t hold back, tell her how you feel. She may not even realize what she is doing and how it is impacting you. If you can’t resolve it by talking to her, I would suggest counseling.

  • Paull says:

    I think this site is very informative. I have a problem. My wife and I have been married for 36 yrs. We have 3 children, who are now adults. My wife is very controlling. She makes decisions without communicating with me or taking my advise. For instance, my daughter who has a small child is getting divorced from her husband of four years. My wife let my daughter hire a very expensive lawyer with out communicating with me first. It ended up costing me $30,000. Now she told me she took it out of her retirement fund (so I guess she figured it was her money so she did not have to tell me). I don’t believe there would be any tax problem, because she is of retiremment age. Although she is still working and receiving her pension at work too. I also receive a pension and Social Security. Now I want to help my daughter too, but logically. I am sure we could have hired a lawyer with a lot less of a bill. My wife was divorced as well soon after I met her. I believe she was reliving her divorce, which was basically uncontested by her first husband. My wife put herself in the middle of my daughter’s problems with her husband. She would tell my daughter her husband was a dirt bag and many other nasty adjectives while talking to my daughter about her husband before they decided to separate. And I tried to warn my wife to relax and not become that involved in that way. But she didn’t and joined in with my daughter in condemming husband. Believe me he was not a bad guy at all.
    My daughter wanted a house, he bought one, she wanted a new car he got it. She bought very expensive cloths for herself and child and after he complained to her about their now tight finances she ignored him and hid new cloths from him.
    She would take his credit cards and spend freely. And when he clamped down on her or tried to educate her she fought him tooth and nail and when that did not work she went out and bought her self a new truck under her own name and figued he would pay for it. When he objected she decided with a couple of months of fighting with him to move out. She claimed to my wife he was trying to control her. Of course he was, for good reason. But like my wife she does not take no for an answer, even if it meant divorcing him and destroying everything they could have had together.
    Now my wife is not as bad as my daughter but pretty close in some ways.
    I guess it was my fault because I let her take care of the bills since we got married. Now our credit is good. But we owe two mtg. and now have an additional $10,000 on our credit cards since my daughter started her divorce. They have effectively kept me out of the loop or decisions. My wife has the freedom to do what she wants with our money, although I also encourage her to be careful. The last time she made a big decision about money was when we hired a contractor to rennovate our house and he turned out to be a crook and we had a hard time gettiing him to finish what we already paid him for. He came to our house one day while I was at work and he requested and charmed her into giviing him a $50,000 check and a promise he would finish the work. She never called me before she made that decision. He had not even finished what we paid him. Well that turned into a nightmare and I ended up firing him after I got back $10,000. But i had to finish the rest of the work my self and hire another contractor and pay him for jobs I could not do. So altogether it probably cost me about $80,000 in losses. When I try and talk to her and she gets very self defensive and acts like I am against her. I just so frustrated. I tell her I need to know about the bills because we are getting older and she is older than me. She refuses to help me and catches an attitude with me. She says don’t worry it will all be written down for me. But it does not work like that.
    The other problem I see is when she gets sick or has a problem I am completely by her side and helping her. When I am sick I feel like she abandons me except if I am in the hospital than she is attentive. This has happened many times. I recently got a very bad head and chest cold and she decided to go to my daughters apt. to help her clean. I really got mad with her and told her to just go and than she changed her tune and said she was staying home. But she acts like a victim for having to stay. She will come in the bedroom with some soup and bread and than go back outside in the kitchen. One time I was very sick for a month or so and i never felt so alone with her in the house. She would bring me food than close the door and than come back for the next meal and close the door. I never felt so alone.
    I can not remember the last time she just came up me and hug me just for he hell of it. I also do not recall her ever crying! I have tried to make clear that we need to talk, before she makes certain decisions, but it does not happen and if it does it’s after the fact. I feel like she hates men or me and feels like she can say anything nasty to me. She spends a lot of time doing Avon and doing things for work, at home. Nothing inportant for our relationship. Things like doing the sunshine club and avon. She is so caring at work to other people. But does not spend even 1/100 of that time working on our relationship. She can cook really well, but I rarely get that at home, except on holidays(again other people) Now I do not mind her doing her thing, but it gets to the point where I feel like I should go and work with her so i can get some attention. I seem to always be trying and trying and she doesn’t seem to care. I can not even get her to watch what she is cooking, its constantly flowing over and constantly burning the food in the pot. I am afraid she will burn down the house some day. She seems to resent it when I tell her something. I say it politely Like honey can you please keep the burners on 4 instead of 6 or 8 while you are cooking. Especially since she leaves the kitchen 100% of the time while she is cooking. I am so frustrated by her attitude I just don’t know what do do. Am I being selfish? Is she beiing selfish? How can I address these problems to her without her blowing up on me. She claims I do not except her for who she is? How does one except being marginalized and without love. My son says I should stand up to her or stay with him to teach her a lesson. I just don’t know what to do. She might tell me to go or get out. She is a very bright women who is extremely independent and just acts on her own. Now after realizing we can not keep paying my daughters rent, car payments, my grandaughter’s schooling for a year. She is finally realizing that this has to stop and my daughter will have to move home. This is what i wanted all along because I knew she could not afford where she was living for very long. But when I said it, I was the bad guy. I am very afraid of what will happen when she moves home even though I know it is for the best. I am afraid they will continue to plot together and leave me out of the loop until they need me, like to watch my grandaughter. Now I love watching her, but I do not want to be taken advantage of either. My daughter and wife are very much alike, its scary. Can anyone offer me any suggestions on how to handle this.

  • April says:

    Confused,

    It doesn’t sound like he is that into you. I say this because if he were you couldn’t beat him off with a stick and he wouldn’t be able to stay away from you for two weeks, and if he was he would also call you when he tells you he is going to and he would NOT text instead of call, because he would want to hear your sweet voice. For whatever reason this guy is wasting your time. Even if the excuse is “he isn’t in touch with his emotions or has difficulty dealing with them” – even more reason to run, because he won’t be able to give you the communication and emotional feedback you probably want and need. Just a thought, but since it is every two weeks, maybe he has a girlfriend who has her kids those weekends, or maybe he has kids and has them those weekends. Who knows? But, if he is a cheater he would be a smart one by not playing the field close to home, therefore, keeping enough distance to not get caught.
    When I was dating my ex we lived 45 minutes apart and took turns driving to see each other throughout the week and spent every weekend together. So, if he was that into you he would make a much greater effort to see his “love interest”. Move on sister, move on. The right guy will come along and you won’t be able to beat him off your doorstep.

  • Confused says:

    I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months he drives an hour to come see me atleast once every two weeks he’s a very busy guy should I be concerned that I don’t see him more? I like him so I’m just happy to have him in my life. He says he likes me and when we hangout I think I feel that he’ll do things like rub my neck, puts his arm around me, we have great conversation, when we’re not talking we can look one another in the eyes and just smile/laugh. I think we have a connection but when I don’t see him for weeks at a time and he’ll say he’ll talk to me later and never does and when he does it’s a text saying I want to come over and hug you and give you a big kiss but that’s the only time I hear from him I get confused. I wonder if he uses me to have someone to hangout with when he is bored. I do sense that he has some complications when it comes to understanding his feelings when it comes to woman. I am not trying to rush the relationship I would just like a little more attention to know he really likes me or just a sign to know he takes me seriuosly as a option for being more than just friends. Should I just give him time and enjoy the moments and time we get to spend together or let him go? Do you think he really likes me?

  • Pip says:

    if your partner calls your children lazy little bastards in front of their faces, should you be angry?

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi Steph – I sent in a request for a mentor, you should get an email from your mentor in the next few days. If something goes wrong and you don’t hear from them, please let me know. I really think that she will be able to help.

  • steph says:

    Claire -
    Can you please thanks :)

    April -
    Your right, but im not really comfortable talking about those things with him not just him but almost everyone (in person). He does stop when i tell him no. The age difference is a little weird but when im with him like i dont feel way younger than him, and like i said before he is very sweet, he cares for me and vs, he is very respectful he really is its just when we are alone and we are making out when he’s a little i dont know how to explain it. So I dont think that the age difference is a big factor here but i understand what you mean. I do think about the age difference sometimes but it dosent really interfere with our relationship. You can say that im really mature meantaly and well also people always think that im like 22 or 23, and he looks like he is 27 he looks pretty young for his age so when we are standing next to each other you cant really tell that im 18, and that he is 32. About me putting up my baunderies yeah i know i have to be more clear im just having a little trouble with doing that. Currently im not thinking about breaking up with him, but you never know what the future holds i might end up with some other guy or with him what i do know is that i will not have sex with him or with anyone else until i get married. Thank you for your advice believe it or not it really does help, it helped me think about stuff that never came across my mind.

    Rilla -
    I know im not being super clear with what i want or with what i dont want. Im not very experienced with this kind of things i really am not and as a result i really dont know how to react. You might think that im just stupid or i dont know because i know that i have a brain and logic and that i should know since i know whats wrong and right, but when im in that situation my mind closes i dont know how to explain it. I dont even know how to explain it to myself, I dont even know what i want at times. You might say that then im not ready to be dating, but i dont know i really dont and about me being clear to him its hard not everyone is the same. Everyone reacts differently to different scenarios and well its hard to me, but i know that i have to do it.
    Thnks.

  • Rilla says:

    Steph-
    I don’t think that you are being clear enough with your actions. If you do not want any form of touching, then be firm about it. Don’t let him kiss you a little bit, then make out, let him almost grab you, and then get mad when he wants more.

    You have to set the boundaries, limits, rules, and stick to them. Men don’t like mixed messages.

  • April says:

    Steph,

    I am no expert, but it sounds like you’ve set boundaries that your boyfriend is not respecting, in the hopes you will change your mind regarding premarital sex. If he respected your boundaries and YOU he would not push those limits. It is ultimately up to you to say NO and not let him go where he wants to go before you are ready. The age difference is worrisome, because there is a lot of difference in 18 and 32. If the ages were 32 and 46 it would not be of much concern, but 18 and 32 is a little creepy and there is more difference than commonality, and you will grow and change alot in the next 10 years and he probably will not. I would recommend finding someone closer to your age who shares your values, in which, you would have a lot more in common and can grow together. In this case, his has grown and is experienced and you are not, therefore, the playing field is not equal or even fair game. If he can’t respect your boundaries now, he will not in the future, and like I said it is up to you to stand fast to your boundaries and not let him go as far as he has, IF you want to avoid premarital sex, or an uncomfortable and comprising position.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Steph – It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to, would it be alright with you if I sent your comment to one of our mentors? She would be able to answer your questions privately in an email and then you can just email her back if you’d like to keep talking. It’s a free and private. All of our mentors are screened so it’s safe and I’d send the email through our mentoring system so your mentor would not have your email address, they would use the system to send a message to you that shows up in your inbox.

    I think that you are asking some really good questions. You’ve been really clear in telling your boyfriend what you are and are not comfortable with but it can get complicated. Having someone to talk to can really help. If you’d like to talk to a mentor, just comment back here and I’ll set it up for you.

  • Steph says:

    okay im 18 and ive been with my bf who is 32yrs old for more than two months and recently well okay we were making out and he started rubbing my breast (by the way he is my first serious bf) He is very responsible, he treats me like a princess, he respects me and well the problem here is that ive never really done anything sexual and idk if every single guy is like that, but he grabbed my boob and he tried to get his hand in my pants but i didnt let him later on he asked me how i felt and well im a little shy when it comes to being open about sex. He is like i cant have a serious talk with you because you start laughing hahahha i do laugh but because i get nervouse or i dont know my question here is am i the wrong one in this relationship? He told me that he doesnt want to pressure me and i already told him that i wont have sex until marrige and he said that he was fine with that but okay the first time that we started well that he started touching me after i felt i dont know i felt like something was in my throught and i felt so weird (if i let him do things with me am i being easy?) i dont know mybe its normla for me to feel like that but im a little scared because i dont want to have sex with him only if we get married and well its hard for me to open up to him theres no problem with him openning up to me but i cant say the same about me i know i might not be making any sense but i need someone to like guide me or give me some support because i have so many questions and well yeah hehehehhe.

  • April says:

    Brad,

    You hit the nail on the head, so simply, with just a few very powerful words.

  • Brad van says:

    I feel that if you are both individually confident and secure with yourselves, and approach communication with a combination of both a sense of humor and respect for one another, that great things can happen in a relationship.

  • April says:

    Rilla,

    You are correct when you say we women sometimes blabber to much and not get right to the heart of the matter. I think this is true for many reasons, but usually entails alot of pent up emotions that come out at once and we don’t always articulate our thoughts appropriately. The same goes with men.

  • Rilla says:

    Hey Donna,

    This is either: there is not enough of understanding/communication between the two of you, or he’s missing the point of the relationship. (He may be using you, but don’t jump to that yet)

    Talk with him. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. Then, if he goes back to old ways, then break it up.

    Remember ot keep up your end of the deal- take care of him, and he’ll take care of you if he really cares.
    If not, then break up with him- first talk

  • Rilla says:

    @ April

    Nope. I didn’t say/mean as they approach.

    And yes, that’s why it happens, how it happens, and the tragedy of what happens when women/men get that way. (Worst part is, it usually ruts, and is really hard to get out of.)

    I was just commenting that the best way to fix this situation is for both people in the relationship to let go of the grudges and defenses, and just realize what they have.

    First of all:
    Yes, some women DO start out with that mindset. Usually not even intentionally. They maybe are insecure, or frightened, or not sure of what is expected of them.

    Second of all:
    A funny myth about women being good communicators is that we are very well understood. This isn’t especially true for a lot of women! Some women feel that going into great detail with their man is very good, because they are getting all of their thoughts out. (I’m terribly guilty of this, but my man has known me long enough to decypher when I rant- I try not to.) Men don’t really get the point or long rants. Or worse, the woman is direct, but then doesn’t follow up on how to change things. She expects the man to change based upon something she “communiated to him”.

    Communiation is a two way road, and most men are glad to make you very happy as long as you don’t beat around the bush.

  • April says:

    Rilla,

    Do you really think women approach relationships with the intention to play games, look at sex as a chore, and just want to “test” their men? You said {If you treat him defensively from the start, feel sex is a chore, hate doing things for him, and constantly “test” him, he won’t want to be in a good, loving place with you}

    Are you crazy? Do you think women start relationships with this mindset? Women usually turn to these negative traits when their needs aren’t being meant! Most women are very good communicators. The problem is when they do not feel heard, they get louder, and louder, whether this “noise” is verbal or emotional depends on the woman. When women withhold sex, it is because their emotional needs are not being met. When it is a chore, it is because their man isn’t taking care of their “needs”, can be physically or emotionally. Yes, women love sex, but we NEED to feel connected emotionally before we can really connect physically. If men give women what they need, their women will more than gladly give them everything they ever wanted or desired. It works both ways.

  • Kay says:

    Donna,

    ITS NOT TRUE, Do not RUN like hell. What was that about?
    Look, As hard as it may be to understand, try to first focus on what all his actions really mean and are telling. First its obvious that he is not perfect but no one is. first, keep in mind why you may have left your ex husband to begin with. Truthfully, being cheated on is a HORRIBLE thing. It probably sucks more then anything at times. But lets look at your current situation, DONNA, your current relationship is there because you found something familiar that made you feel at home. Once you have found someone compatible, bottom line is, THIS CAN work for you. Do NOT feed into this BS people always try to feed each other that there is just this one guy out there who will give you the world and everything in it JUST the way you want it, when you find that guy, he will find something wrong with you, and why, because EVERYONE has their differences! Thats the bottom line and your goal now that you have found a good or decent man is to find out what will best work for YOUR situation.

    Now that that’s out there, Donna, first, what are the things that make your relationship “Ok”, lets start there, He says I love you, showers with you, rubs your back, touches your shoulder or something in passing. You guys still go out together on occasion, maybe just for a bite to eat, hes there for your son? WHATEVER IT IS… focus on those things. Understand that he is a man, all men are not the same but there are some qualities that they often share. In this case you feel that hes too sexual or that he JUST wants sex. You are not looking at this the right way at all. Yeah, it may be much but understand that it is RARE for a man to be able to properly associate Love with sex, but he seems to. To him, you feel great so he wants it all the time, thats a GOOD thing. Make small jokes with him like wow your gonna wear me out, or WEAR him out, try to motivate yourself to attempt it 3 times a day for just a few days, a bit much right, he may think so to but that may help take it down to just a few times a week. But try to enjoy what you have more, 3 years in, and he still wants YOU every day, thats not a complaint, its a compliment. He really loves you. Keep this in mind and focus out what HIS idea and version of showing you love is. But tell him how you want to be loved. BUT you cannot forget to love him the way HE wants it. EVERYONES idea of love is different. He feels like hes good in bed and wants to give you something to brag about, thats not a bad thing, help him understand what else you like. OR try to tell him what you want in the bedroom more. If its a bit much, then tell him to be on top more so that you do less work, or tell him you love knowing that you turn him on so much that it makes him, um, FINISH faster… He may be confused but thats is still shorter sessions with less work, bottom line hun, if he wants it, give it to him, at least he is not looking elsewhere ya know. Men do NOT always like calling it MAKING LOVE either, so BOOM proof, he associates the 2, thats fine. He puts it above all else because in his head, thats what he knows how to do and thats how he feels he shows you, he makes your body feel good, make him feel good by telling him ALL your fantasy’s and fetishes so that he knows hes doing everything right. Men pride themselves on knowing that they know how to please there woman, especially when she hits the parenting stage as they assume you get harder to please, he probably brags to his friends that you still let him have you ALL the time too, again, not our thing as women, but for a man, that a GOOD thing.

    Donna, Tell him what you want, I cannot stress that anymore. DO not tell him how you think your relationship should be or how you want HIM to view your relationship or what you WANT HIM to value more about your love, he has a right to put what ever he wants as HIS most important item in your relationship… BUT YOU must tell him whats important to you so he can make you happy to. A man or woman having their needs met is more likely to reciprocate. It is a selfish thing we do sometimes as humans to love people as we want to be loved. Men and woman alike, your man is loving you how HE wants to be loved, you must both understand that you have to find out what each of you want from the relationship and love and give that to each other. conform to each other but do not try and change each other. if he TOLD YOU that he “WONT be in another relationship and NOT make love”, HE MEANS IT. At least he opened to you about what he feels and thought, embrace that and by God let him have it and let him know what you want to. tell him you are giving him what he needs and you want yours met as well, do NOT make that a long conversation, too much talking about something negative and hes zoned out and gone for the day, just say, “Babe, you know what I Love/ want…..” do not ever say, YOU DON’T DO… or YOU NEVER… or I HATE WHEN… it just doesn’t work, mentally us women and men ARE build differently and think differently because our brains are balanced differently. Tell him what you want. It will make him feel better and give him goals to doing better for you. And then give him time to prove that he can do it. and tell him you understand him alot. Dont expect a response as you may not get one but just say it every now and then when he does things, brag to him about the things he does. Send a 2 line email to him once a week like “I love when you shower with me”, “I love when you play with my hair”, I love spending time with you weekly”… its like saying thank you but implying, DONT YOU DARE STOP, lol… its true. Tell him you HATE shopping and want a partner to help you chose the food at the grocery store, see if you can make it almost mandatory, tell him what ever he picks, you’ll cook! That will give you some store spent time. Tell him you ate shopping and just want some sexy manly help at the mall… but shorten your stays at the store. Tell him you want him to bring the guys over to hang out or say you wanna go to the movies and ask if he has any friends that may want to come alone or with their GF’s. I am sure you have a baby sitter. Think outside the box. Ask if any of his friends wanna come over to play a board game or something and that you guys can have drinks if you do that and you will cook. slight indirect interactions with his friends will make him more comfortable with being your friend. Tell him you like just being one of the guys to and say that you’d love to be invited for a guys night out… his friends wont mind as much as you’d think. If hes a strip club type, say you wanna go with him one day, see if he’ll allow it… anything really, but find ways to say I definitely wanna go with, if his friends and he golf, say, Hey i hear your going golfing (or w/e), I soooooo wanna come and I have the cutest outfit for it. And since he likes sex so much joke around about sex with him ALOT, like, omg, would’nt it be hot to …. where ever you like or think he would. If a girl likes the museum, a guy will take her, so IF your man loves sex, he likes talking about it too. To each their own. My bf loves games, so I play with him, I love sex, so I find ways too seduce him alot… it does help to get involved in each others life alot. Also, bring your kid into it occasionally, like say, theres a new exhibit and you wanted to go with him and maybe your son will like it too. Be his friend by becoming an even better lover to, the more he feels that you understand him in the bedroom, the easier you can ween that little boy into his head to come out of his hidden world and realize that its okay to let you be part of it.

    I understand so well what you want from him, trust me those are the things I want in a relationship too. GOOD NEW for you, you have an easier situation to solve and work with then you think. But do not withhold your love making from him. If hes not getting his needs met, then he will think you are unreasonable as well. Let him have it and be vocal about yours. NO ONE likes a argument, just tell him nicely the way I said. Fair or unfair is not our main concern, my main concern is that you are happy Donna and getting the most out of your relationship. What you dont seem to understand yet is, if they do exist, STOP listening to other woman and friends about men jsut wanting sex or that being a bad thing, its only bad when your single or dating, this has been your MAN your everything for 3 years… so its a good thing even if you do not want to see it that way and even if you dont always want to, try your best to enjoy sex, tell him what YOU want. Do not expect him to change unless its for good, but in this case his fetish is not just sex, Donna, its YOU. you are his Goddess, your hot, attractive, take care of your son, your responsible, and you make home feel like what it is. You both also have history. Do NOT i repeat do NOT turn him down. For you, love is spending time, being loving, and being friends, best friends. He cannot help but want to mark his territory every night if possible… hes claiming you, that is NOT a bad thing. Not at all. your man is faithful and willing to please, just guide him and direct him in all the right ways.

    He does not use good verbal techniques with you, like really, Blue balls? whatever the case, hes trying to guilt you into doing something with him that he wants, and you are with holding sex as often just to get what you want… this is an EPIC FAIL… you both need to quit it. But do not confront him like the average girl/ woman. Be brief, direct, honest, but sound loving, thats why i think just adding a hint or two weekly is a good thing. If your too shy to say it all right to him, pick 3 things every few days and tell him you love them. Sometimes even if hes never done those things just say, “I love when you… “, and lol, he’ll think, eh… but i never did that… so its pretty clear that you are saying you’d like him too, that just with simpler things. For all else, heres an example “Babe, you know what so hot, it turns me on so much to hang out together, go to the movies… makes me feel like we are all alone and romantic and i dunno why but that gets me so crazy for you”…. hes a sexual man so he wil understand 2 things, If he takes you out, goes to the movies, takes you along with his friends… theres a 90% chance that hes gonna get to nail you that night, possibly even in a secluded area in public. Iam sorry but its true but again not a bad thing. Whereas us women often see it as a negative, you have been in this relationship for 3 years, all this over abundance of sexual attention from your lover is a great thing. Do not shoe him away or chastise him for wanting it though. If you are tire, say, babe im way too tired, so sorry, and give him kisses or say, I am not in the mood but if you want to do me favors, i am not going to stop you… again, you have nothing to do, just lay back and enjoy, unfortunately, THATS his thing.

    Give him what he needs, tell him you like it too and tell him how and when so he knows that you GET IT, he will think you are more fair as a person, he’ll realize that you truly GET him, and he will in turn listen to you more as you continue your steps of letting him know what you want. Its not that hard Donna, but try not to see the bad in it. Hes a very physically demanding individual and you require more spending time, something you both need to consider, but embrace. He is NOT wrong but neither are you. Still, you both like whatever you like, let him have it and open yourself to him returning the favor, thats just your relationship and you both need to tend to it as needed.

    Sorry so much, excuse the bad grammar or spelling as i am not using spell check and i type fast, but I truly truly hope you understand and that this helps, from one woman to another hun, I feel you, and I OVERSTAND your situation. I hope I was able to help you shine some light on things, if you wanna give more examples or issues, or need more advice then let me know, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have a good thing and that you should stay. Every relationship has it’s own formula, that is yours. For more detailed advice and specifics let me know…
    Truly just trying to help,

    Kay

  • April says:

    Donna,

    Run like hell!!! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, and this guys actions are saying all he wants is sex! AND, if you don’t give it to him he makes YOU feel guilty, because you want to actually talk and communicate, and he is more worried about his blue balls! Throw him back he’s not worth your time.

  • Donna says:

    I am recently divorced and my husband of 21 years cheated on me. I am now back with my High School sweetheart whom I forgave for leaving me when I got pregnant at 23. We have been dating for 3 years now and He is a very sexual man. Not that I’m not but he wants it every day, I work, have a son. Our relationship is ok, but he puts sex (or making love as he puts it) over all the other important parts of our relationship. If we aren’t making love I don’t hear or see him as much. It seems once he gets it he’s fine till he needs it again. He tells me he won’t be in another relationship and not make love. I need more…. Talking, hanging out just watching tv or going shopping or anything being a friend not just a lover… But when he’s around me he’s wanting to touch my privates and tells me how bad he wants me. I’m like stop it. Can’t you just be around me and not think or want sex all the time? It has really hurt our relationship and he just doesn’t get it. Our sex life is now maybe once a week because I don’t feel like I’m getting what I need in the relationship. As long and he gets sex he’s fine!!!! I don’t know what to do. He is very dominating.. I do love him but things are changing… He apologizes and says he cant help it, and tries to make me feel guilty [comment redacted by editor]

  • Kay says:

    Kate…

    Its not childish, as humans we are territorial. Talk to him again. If it’s important to you then it just is. Tell him theres no other way around it, it bothers you and hurts your feelings and that if he doesnt then he is not respecting you by ignoring your feelings… basic idea for a conversation.

    dont sound irritated or hurt or w/e or he will seem annoyed because guys just dont seem to enjoy responding to us when we are sad and hurt b/c of them.

    “David, That album of yours needs to go and I feel so disrespected by it. FB keeps offering me to like it and photos of you and her. Get rid of it because seriously its offensive. I want to focus on US without her picture there, theres not another way to deal with this. I need you to realize that seeing you ex is hurtful. So, can you please take care of that like today.”

    Thats it. nothing more… too much and he’ll zone you out and you will get an undesired response. u know him best so you can reword all that to what he will react to best but the basics i put there should really be considered.

  • Kate says:

    My boyfriend had a really bad falling out with his ex girlfriend. They don’t talk anymore and he can’t stand even the thought of her. And to my knowledge, would never go back to her. Well I know he has a whole album dedicated to her on facebook (and some might say this is childish) but I can’t stand it. Especially since he “doesn’t ever want to see her again”. I brought this up to him a long time ago and he said he doesn’t even care to look at them to even delete them.

    Well recently facebook has changed and it recommends stuff to you all the time. I was on it the other day and it said in a side bar “if you like picture of David (name changed) then you should see his photo album called Michelle (name changed)”……I don’t want to see pictures of his ex-gf. I want to see pictures of us. How can I tell him to remove those pictures. It really hurts my feelings like he won’t remove them because he’s still holding on to her or the hurt feelings she gave him or something. He doesn’t have a photo album dedicated to me! He barely has pictures of me or me with him. I’m not sure how to handle this.

  • Kay says:

    AMEN to Rilla…

    It is so true. If women can just learn to want to be their mans best friend, If you could just embrace the things you are good at and be you and want him to love you for who you are then for Christ sake do the same. We will not always want the same things, we will not always communicate the same way, and we may think a bit differently, but when you make things more complicated then they need to be, if you stand back you’d realize, as people, we create so many problems for ourselves. It is SELFISH to love someone ONLY as we would want to be loved… Instead, find out how your significant other wants to be loved and what THEY need, and simply request that they understand yours as well. One is more likely to please you as you wish if you please them as they do in every way shape or form.

    Understand that, Embrace that, and move forward but know that its an every day thing, but when you are not making it a game… It will come naturally to you. Men are built with the right mind and tools to please women, as women are born with the right mind and tools to please them, and unless you are more interested in the same sex, he does not want or need you to be a man, she does not want or need you to be a woman. It will work out. And stop looking to fix previous issues. Relationships work better when good times are made not when bad times are brought up constantly and refused to be forgotten. Man or woman, both cheat in the right circumstances, man or woman, both love sex when with the right person, and man or woman, we need each other and life did not make it this way to make us miserable, we were built in all the right ways for each other, ALL the right ways. Often however, that brainpower that makes us soar above other beings, also makes us crumble and become prisoner to our own thoughts.

    Get a clue and before you start complaining… this WAS written by a woman.

  • Rilla says:

    If you treat your man like your best friend, and actually try to empathize and hear him out, it won’t be hard for you two to get along.
    If you treat him defensively from the start, feel sex is a chore, hate doing things for him, and constantly “test” him, he won’t want to be in a good, loving place with you.

    Men are very willing to do all that you want them to be and do- if you treat them well. Sure, men could not be as horny, or not as needy, or as masculinely dominant, but it’s how they are. If we expect them to want to put up with us happily for who we are, you have to return it.

    Stop making everything a guessing game, a secret, and live your life so you can just understand your partner more deeply than anyone else can- and like it.

    -from a woman who can have man problems, too

  • CouplesGuy says:

    All well and good, but you can’t think your relationship is going to be successful just because you “finally figure out what men want”. This is a good generalization, but success is in the specifics. As a married man of 25 years, what we each want changes…and often. Healthy relationships come from having the skills to communicate this and really listen to each, then negotiate in a healthy way. That’s something you learn. We learn most of what we know about relationships in our home. Sometimes we need to learn new things. I found a website I like that’s all about that. It’s http://www.thinkmarriage.org. They really helped me.

  • Sarita says:

    fixing a sentence here: I think most of it is culture. It is still very much a myth and taboo that women cheat.

  • Sarita says:

    Just thinking about the cheating thing. I think most of that is culture, that it is still taboo and myth that women don’t and shouldn’t cheat as much as men. And I think that its also a bit accepted that men always walk around with their zippers unzipped. I think women and men should stand up to that idea. Yeah men are more visual, and women respond more to touch but BOTH are emotional. They just show that emotion in different ways. I think in General though Men want fidelity as much as Women, and those who men and women who cheat, need to learn fidelity is the only thing that gets a person what they want out of a relationship. Fidelity is trust, it shows a person “I trust you, and I want to help fulfill your desires as much as you want to help fulfill mine”. It works for both men and women, whatever the statistics may say.

  • Erol Mury says:

    I totally agree with the article posted. A real great advice there. It’s not really hard to understand a true men. True men just expect the same thing from real women. I believe this article is also a great relation to the I love the Women Men Adore book. It has really great advice.

  • CML says:

    Kate, with your situation best is to able to let him know why u are frustrated. try this skill of language which make people listen most time. e.g – I feel ……, when u come around for a short time, and if u could gives me a good quality time that showing your feeling and commitment to our relationship, I can then know where we are going from here. but dun keep repeating or asking much, express it and leave it as it is. if he wants it serious he will try to meet your needs. all men wants in relationship is they can feel relax and attracted. Attraction makes them stay with us. I dun mean just beauty attraction or physical attraction… beside these there is emotional attraction, spiritually attraction too. very important is to keep relationship fun and meaningful. when think about man, think simple.

    dun give them huge time to get sick of us, dun show them how much u wanted this relationship to work… when they want an answer from our love, dun show it to them all of it. dun throw ourselves to them 100%. usually they will wanted more of us, man loves to chase, is the excitement for them that attracts to relationship.

    when they get attracted to you emotionally, they won’t want anybody else but just u. Still they will take at least 3 years of the relationship to think more deeply to commit themselves into co-habit, or marriage. and with this time bfore they can decide to commit totally to this relationship for their life time, they will still on n off goes silent or disappear a day or two. that is the time when they want to be by themselves to make decision. so during this time, female should let them have as much time as possible to give them space but still be there too for them when they come to us. most time female confused when they act weird like this, and female may chase after what happen…as much as they can come around and tell us they want to have sometime to themselves, and if we keep pushing their button, they can be too pressured and then decided badly.

    Christian carter the writer for relationship is really good material to know and understand man, know how man can stay in their relationship.

    hope this can help.

  • Brian says:

    This article hit’s the nail on the head.
    What men Want:
    We’re just tired of all the b.s.

  • Confused says:

    Quick question- I once told him he’s not the one for me and cut contact with him for six months because he was taking things way too slow, never professed his love for me I felt used as I was always there to comfort amd listen to him. I found out he was snooping around trying to figure out what I was up to. There’s a social club I’m a member of he registered to be member without my knowledge. I really like him so I went back to him and apologised for being harsh cutting him off like that and he excepted my apologies but won’t call or anything. I feel like he’s not into me! What do you think?

  • Kate says:

    I am a young female who is in a fairly new relationship (6 months)…I haven’t had a boyfriend in a year and my past long term relationships were very immature and scarring. I’m not sure I really understand how to be a girlfriend and in most situations when my bf and I fight it’s usually because i get frustrated because i don’t know how to explain how i’m feeling. I know communication is a very important part of relationships but I’m having a hard time. I want to be with him and I want him to spend “quality” time with me not “all” of his time with me. so i get frustrated and try to explain why it hurts my feelings when he comes over for an hour or less and just wants to fool around….then dips out. He wasn’t like that before and he even had to ask me to open up to him in the beginning, but now i can’t get him to answer any questions without hearing “please don’t start” “omg whatever” “i don’t know what you want me to say”…..should i just leave him alone and he’ll come around or what is the right way to handle this?

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Amelia, It sounds like you have had quite the journey. I find that all encompassing statements about entire groups of people rarely hold true. SOME men are as you describe, some women are that way too, but it is unfair to characterize ALL men that way. I have known men of valour and men of strength, men of gentle hearts, men who are merciful, men who are loyal. I hope that somewhere along your journey you can meet a man who proves you wrong, who shows you just how wonderful men can be.

  • CML says:

    I guess we just have to look for the positive side of them to be able to trust. Pleases don’t think that I m naive to say that. i mean look at it this way, what is gonna gain us. Wake up in the morning, we choose to be positive thinking or negative? if we choose negative, we got a headache, we can feel depress and with such pressure of the negative worry, others can feel our negativeness and push themselves away from us. or we choose to be positive and have a restful day.

    just think it this way. if we make mistake, and we want others to trust us, we have to make an effect to convince them that we will not repeat the mistake again. say if people continue to not trust us, just because of our past mistake, then you can imagine how hurt it is.
    we need a chance to be able to get the trust from others, also we need to give others a chance to show that we can trust them.

    Trust in God that he will alert them when we are not by their side. if we don’t have trust in God then we are using our own strength to cope with things we can’t see, we can’t know, and we ended up suffer just because we over worry.

    let us put all the worries to God and rest in him, so we can have a restful heart.

    we can’t see the future, we only can walk towards it.

    Men these days have too many chances to cheat, too many temptation out there to make them fall into the snare of the evil. we can only count on God to help us to trust them.

    If our man cheat us, we only can tell to ourselves that thank god that he opens our eyes to see clear of them and so we can choose and plan what we want to do from this point.

    I had been betrayed by friends, by men. those time has past, all I have to do now is to walk again and again but have learned to be wiser, have learned to brush off the past and walk the future that we can’t predict. and keep having faith and believe that God is not dead, He will show us the way, In his grace we can find peace.

  • FED UP BLACK WOMAN says:

    Men does not know what they want. They are here today talking about marriage, making you happy, and having a wonderful life together, then 3 months later when they see someone else that is either prettier, younger, and feel better in bed, they are gone. Men sucks!

  • Deebee says:

    I’m sorry you feel that way about men in general Amelia. However I can attest to the fact that not ‘all’ men are that way because I am married to one for the last 35 years that definitely is NOT power hungry, shallow, or violent and my son and sons-in-law aren’t that way either. Unfortunately sounds like you have been in relationships with some pretty immature guys.

  • Amelia says:

    Good advice – except that it very rarely turns out that way. If women are honest and upfront and supportive and loving we get accused of being too pushy and rushing into things. If we tread carefully, we get accused of being stuck up [removed]. Third time round I think I know what I am talking about. From Africa to Antartica, men are all the same – power hungry, shallow, violent, emotionally retarded jerks. Have not changed from the days of the cave man.

  • Jules says:

    Bless you CML :)

  • Jules says:

    Hi Carmen

    Thanks for your reply hon but I think we are on a misunderstanding here. I have been with my bf for 14 months. Before that he had not been in a relationship for 10 years (funny enough, he dumped his gf of 2 years because she was cheating whilst he was away) because of his job as it takes him away for weeks at a time. We started dating and it was all lovely for a few months, we would email like hell when he was away, make plans for when he got home and then when he got home he would just want to be out with his buddies all the time getting wasted. I lost count of the times he said ‘I dont know what I want’

    I did no what I wanted and being messed around like this wasnt it so as much as I loved him, I dumped him. I never thought we would get back together and he didnt either ….

    Anyway, we are now back together and all this has come out about how first he has had a one night stand, then (only because I was nosey enough to find out), that he had these 3 woman. Now I know its none of my business because as I said earlier , we were not together and the break was final so why wouldnt he sleep with who he wanted?

    Trust was never ever an issue for us in the past but now my feelings are as such that if it is so easy for you to have one night stands then how do I know next time your away your not doing the same thing?

    In his defence his behaviour is soooo different from last time we were together, he swears he loves me, treats me like a princess and has told me countless times that if he didn’t want us to be together then he wouldnt be here. The logic in me says that what he is saying is right because he has took so much earache off me over his slutty behaviour and I know it would be so much easier if he didn’t have a partner in his life.

    Have to say that my biggest worry really here is looking the fool here. I love him to bits but I WILL bin him if there is a glimmer of cheating. I have a great life here with or without him in it. He is going away again shortly for 3 weeks. The eyes of everyone is on me whilst he is away so there is know way anything I get up to would go unnoticed. Unlike my bf who will be in Russia away from everyone … he could be getting his end off with anything in a skirt and who is going to know?

    The bottomline here is that I know it is me that has the issues. I am finding it hard to believe him. I really do have to disregard what I know has happened when we were apart and look at the good he is offering now. I just dont think that it helps me to learn that blokes are happy to poke anything that moves given the opportunity

    Anyway, my head hurts thinking about it. I will just have to take the chance and suck it and see :-)

  • CML says:

    Hi Jules, I have read your post here. I understand how hard it is to able to trust a man when we know he had gone to look for other woman when they are not together with us. I have learned that when we have things in our mind, we must spit it out to clarify it with them. trust is by earning too and also part of it is our responsiblity to be able to trust ourselves, trust what we have chosen. trusting your own Judgement is how we can trust them. I used to feel like that too, so struggle and insecured, ended up appear to be needy too. then i have learned how to trust him. I have to wipe out my past hurt and begin a new journey of love and trust. I keep focus on how much he loves me and how much we have gone thru difficulities and he still chose to love me. I have to not look at the past issue and struggle with trust in him. I have to just take his words when he said to me he will not go to look for other person while we are together seriously. We have to trust their words and take it simple from there.

    I have to shut my negative thoughts away from me. Now our degree of our relatationship has entered into getting married, and he is reading a book that I have recommended him (the 5 Love languages) as soon as I know that he is reading that book for our love, wow…. I feel so comfort and so trust that he is not only willing to have me for life but wanted a succuessful love life with me till the end.

    I wish you the best here and pray that you will overcome your issues and step to a comfort zone. Trust God what he give it to you.

  • Carmen says:

    It’s fine Jules, no need to apologise at all. To be honest I am one of the few lucky girls who has a guy who respects women in general.
    Jules it seems like you’re living with a double standard and as much as you love your bf, it might do good to reevaluate everything. There’s no point in being with someone who makes you feel negative (directly).
    Cheating is a tough issue and I can firmly say that it usually occurs when communication is low/difficult but sometimes it’s just about sex. It might help to figure out why it happened even though it was a long time ago.

  • Jules says:

    Apologies Carmen, your comments sounded very male and as such I thought you were a male. Anyway, I too, love my current bf and we have a great sex life. I agree that the rates of cheating are higher from a male prospective I just dont agree with why they do it? In an earlier post I made reference to me and my bf splitting for 2 months. In that 2 months he has had 4 woman. I am told that I have to put that behind me as ‘we werent together’ … Fine, it is hard for me to do that but I understand why I have to do it. But I bet your bottom dollar he wouldnt see it the same way if he new I had 4 casual sex liasons (which I didnt because I dont sleep around). It is those double standards that stink. Why dont men just leave a partner if they are not happy instead of bringing home the misery (or worst still, more than misery) that cheating causes?

  • Carmen says:

    Well to be honest Jules I’ve spent a lot of my time hanging out with guys (as friends) but if you would like to know how I am personally with my current bf.. I can say that I absolutely adore him and I’ve spent countless hours making myself better for him sexually. And I can say for sure that I have never fantasied about a porn store and what not.
    And to be realistic men are more visual and female more emotional, although this is not as true as is used to be. I’m never going to say women are perfect but the rates of cheating/straying for men IS approximately double of what it is for women.
    My comment is rather generalised rather than shallow.

  • Jules says:

    Marta I dont think it is wrong but I suppose it depends on how long you have been in the relationship. A question like that might have a guy legging it after 2 weeks but given some time (and if its going well), then no I dont think it is an unreasonable question. What I do think is wrong is when a guy expects so much from a woman and offers so little in return. I am an independant woman and I dont need any man to fulfil my life. I just want some honesty. If a guy wants to play around then let him, I just ask that he does it in his own time and not on mine. I am happy with the rules as long as they are fair.

  • Marta says:

    is it wrong to ask a guy how where he sees the relationship in two years?

  • Jules says:

    Carmen … How shallow was that comment? If the truth be known, how many woman do you think are sat looking at there partners wishing they were a super model (male) , porn star. Men do not have the monopoly on desire and standards my dear. Woman are just accept you for what you are and hope that you do also.

  • Carmen says:

    This is a great article with good tips for women but I just cannot agree with some of number 5. I do believe that men want their woman to adore them but I also know that 60% of men have cheated at some point in their life compared to the 30% of women. To me this shows that men generally have a wandering eye. And even from personal experience, even the nicest guys would prefer a super model or porn star over their partner.

  • cfast cfast says:

    April, first of all, good for you for making your boundaries high. You won’t allow any scuz in that way. I agree with the physical attraction points you were making but many people are first attracted by looks, it is human nature. If you are worried about this being a central focus, why not try out an online dating site? There it is more about the person rather than the looks. For trust issues, I wouldn’t group all men together. I know many men who would never hit on another woman. It is unfortunate that you have those experiences. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I am sure that when you get to know a good man, you will know if he is trustworthy. Just keep in mind that your experiences don’t include all men!

  • cfast cfast says:

    Jules, all I can say is that when he did those things, you were not in a relationship and therefore he wasn’t cheating on you. I understand that it must be painful to learn that he did those things when you did not, but I suggest letting it go and trust him where you are at today. Be thankful that you are together again. If you don’t trust him and nag at him, he will grow distant. If any actions from now on lead you to believe that he is cheating, get rid of him immediately. But for now, let go of the past and move on to your future.

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