FAQ’S: Sex Addiction
What is sex addiction?
Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.
Why do people become sexually addicted?
This is different for every sex addict but generally speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons. The following is a short explanation of each reason why someone can become a sex addict. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that provides these chemicals to their brain. Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical, emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance, the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their spirituality, it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present. Then there is the sex addict who can be two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for recovery with sex addiction.
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What’s the difference between sex addiction and a high sex drive?
I have heard this question on almost every national talk show or radio show I have been on over the years. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It’s not about a fix for something; when their partner says “NO” it doesn’t make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.
Can you be addicted to masturbation?
Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.
What role does pornography play in sex addiction?
Pornography for many sex addicts combined with regular masturbation is the cornerstone for most sex addicts. Many sex addicts have great difficulty getting sober from this combination of behavior. The pornography with fantasy creates an unreal world that the sex addict visits throughout their adolescence and other developmental stages and creates an object relationship that conditions their emotional and sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and sexual needs hundreds of times before having sex with a real person.
Can someone be a sex addict and not be sexual with their spouse or committed relationship?
YES! We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict/anorexics.
What is it like to live with a sex addict from a partner’s or wife’s perspective?
The partners/wives of sex addicts report many similar feelings about living with the sex addict. The feeling of aloneness is a common experience with partners of sex addicts, the sense that he can’t open up and tell you about his “real” self. The confusion of even after you do certain behaviors that this still is not enough and the hopelessness that there isn’t enough. Anger for many different unmet needs as a person and as a woman are often common.
Can partners get help even if the sex addict doesn’t?
Yes, even if the addict stays in denial of their addiction the partner can receive help and support for herself. The feelings of anger, loss, loneliness and many other feelings encountered over the years of living with this addiction will effect a person. These feelings need to be dealt with therapeutically whether they stay married to the addict or not. The addiction was in no way your doing as a partner or wife, the addicts addiction started many years before you even met your addict. This addiction would have grown and damaged anyone they would have related to in any relationship.
Is there recovery for sex addiction?
Yes, there is recovery for sex addiction. This recovery takes time and hard work especially in the first year but with guided help the sex addict can experience restoration in their emotional, relational, sexual, financial and even spiritual lives. I have seen marriages made better than they ever were and addicts live much happier lives than they ever thought possible. I have been in successful recovery over eleven years and I know it’s available for those who choose to work for and maintain recovery.
Is there research on sex addiction available?
There is research being done in the field of sexual addiction. The monitored mail list of Heart to Heart Counseling centers provides weekly research information as well as excerpts from 101 Practical Exercises for sexual addiction recovery as well as Twelve Step discussions.
Can women be sex addicted?
Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. Over twenty recovering female sex addicts contributed in writing She Has a Secret: Understanding Female Sexual Addiction. This book plus the Secret Solutions Workbook, with over 115 helpful techniques for recovery is just for her. If you would like to set up a telephone counseling appointment to start your journey of recovery, call today. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.
Is there any way to help our children not become sexually addicted?
Yes! Even though many of our adult male clients report that their fathers were sex addicts (porn, affairs, prostitutes etc.) they also report getting little to no proper sexual information to balance their sexual perspective. Good Enough to Wait is the first DVD of this kind to help your children understand sex and the brain, the long-term affects of pornography, long term sexual satisfaction and a whole lot more. This is the best combination of sex research and spiritual principles to date for youth to watch to give them a proper and currently informed sex talk.
Resources
If you or someone you love is dealing with sex addiction, there is help available for you. Resources are available from Dr. Weiss’ site.
Dear Slowly recovering
Thanks to you for having paid attention to my writings
I am intimately convinced that God or a great part of it is inside ourselves
If it is true, and I really think it is, for you, for me, for everybody, then it means you have all the resources you need inside you
You just have to always ask:
-What is really the most important for me?
If you always ask you this question before any act, any thought, any reaction, it may feel curious in the beginning
But the further you go, the better you’ll see that the answers are inside of you
Just make the effort to listen to them, deep inside you
It is a question of habit
In a near future, may be You will communicate that to other people that need it
I try to ask me this question as often as possible
And the answer I get is mostly: Love and respect
It’s incredible, but in the end it is always Love and respect (Love and respect of oneself and of the relatives and also for all the other-sometimes still a bit difficult-)
I am not religious
I don’t go in churches
I am not perfect (long way from it)
But I am happy because when everything turns around love and respect, I mean the love that don’t wait anything back, that don’t even think or knows what could be getting something back,
then one may get fine surprises
That is all I wish to you, and I am sure you will get more than what can be expected
I could also say (it is not from me, but I am not sure it is in the Bibel):
“A day will arrive as we will have left, only what we have given…”
or
“Everything that is not given is lost”
Enjoy a good live!
I never seen sex addiction in that light… meaning that the person that has sex addiction has low confidence, and has a fear of intimacy… the second reason really impressed me
I found this topic of sex addiction interesting
we all want a quick fix…
in any shape or fashion.
but if we make the daily decision to trust God because he understands our messed up hearts.
He could take any ugly thing and make it beautiful..
I just don’t know what to do…For some time I have thought there was something wrong in my relationship with my fiancé. I have tried talking to him, explaining that I want to connect with him and that it seems that he is living double lives. And then I did the unimaginable. I started checking his email and cell phone. For several months now he has been sending out emails and communicating with people of all types of sexual orientation over the internet, receiving text messages about strange parties, and now the worst thing I could find, he is sending pornographic pictures of himself to people! And it seems that he is starting to actually meet these people at nightor talk with them over the phone when I am out of town on business. I have also noticed other behaviors, narcissistic behaviors, where he is completely obsessed with himself. He spends an unusual amount of time looking at himself in the mirror. Even when we go out, he his constantly checking his reflection in mirrors or through the reflection of glass and time is an opportunity. He has also started to work out more; and constantly wants me to take pictures of him.
What you described above about the wife of a sex addict is exactly how I feel. This is so embarrassing and in part because I love him and want to help him, but I don’t know how to face him and I am embarrassed to tell him that I was snooping around and invading his privacy. And what is worse is that when I try to get him to open up, he just lies to me. Part of me wants to say that this can’t be real and that maybe it is just a set-up, a way for him to set me up so that I will just leave, because he doesn’t really want to be with me and doesn’t know how to tell me. I am so confused and hurt, and I just don’t know what to do. I am afraid that if I tell him how I really feel and what I did that he will get angry and leave me. What should I do? How have other people confronted their partners?
Dear don’t know,
I don’t know it either but I sure have some experience as a sex-addict that perhaps might be of use.
Don’t tell you’re fiancé that you ‘snooped through his stuff’ just yet. At this stage it will shift the focus from his behavior to your snooping. There is a time and place for everything and this is surely not yet the time for you to be honest about that. When all goes well and he comes clean, reborn etcetera, than you can be honest about that part and I am sure at that stage he will only be happy for it.
Another thing you should never do is cross your own boundaries. I had GF’s who were aware of my problems. They tried to keep me satisfied by doing more and more extreme sexual stuff just to keep me happy and not wander about. Offcourse this never worked. Just like any other junkie or alcoholic I always wanted a bigger fix. (one of the things I truly regret, I corrupted myself as well as others). So please don’t go that way.
As I read it he is totally in the midst of things. As I gather you are not married and there are no kids involved.
My advice for you would be confront him with the stuff you could know without peeping. If he get’s angry or in denial he is surely not ready yet to quit the behavior (in my case that behavior was always something to fall back on in times of stress, a certainty in live that was hard to live without).
You also say you love him and want to help him. Be careful with that, addicts of all kinds are the best liars there are. I could cry my heart out with my then girlfriend at the time and confess all my sins. Then later get in my car and visit the one on the side. Perhaps it is good to step out of the relation for a while to figure out how you really feel (co-dependancy and stuff).
Do you both go to the same church? Do you have people to talk to there?
I also advice to go to the chat rooms of this site. I have much experience on the dark bits of sex addiction, usually there are much more wise people in the chatroom, willing to help you and just pray.
Take care, God Bless
Slowly Recovering,
Thank you so much for your advice. This is really helpful. Typically my fiancé either denies his behavior or gets angry. He has a couple of female friends to whom he has complained to telling them that I am crazy, that I don’t trust him, and that I am trying to find proof of him cheating. In reality it is none of those things. it is that I want to be closer to him, that I want him to feel safe enough to open up to me about this closet lifestyle. What hurts even more is that he has said these fallacies to others, but he hasn’t told them the truth about who he really is either.
I not he has commitment issues. He is even afraid to set a specific time to have dinner with his best friend because he doesn’t want to feel obligated to be somewhere at a particular time.
No, we are not married yet, our wedding date is January, and his parent are coming in mid Sept. to live with us for the next six months. No kids, but we do have a dog who is our baby.
Lately I have been thinking about just getting in the car and driving, and not coming back. Last night I did not sleep well, and woke up thinking about ways to move out without doing so abruptly – like doing some spring cleaning as a way to move stuff out quietly.
I also thought about looking for an assignment with my job somewhere else so that I can (dare I say) hide behind my job as a way of getting out or at least creating space.
I guess I just don’t know how to confront him. During other attempts to discuss the situation indirectly, he has asked for examples. Because I did not want to confess to snooping around, I had to say that I wasn’t talking about any particular incident. Without divulging my sources, there really isn’t any way for me to directly confront him.
While I am religious and spiritual, he on the other is not. I’ve reach out to my Hindu priest for spiritual guidance, and I plan to call a counselor today. I was thinking that perhaps if I used the excuse of pre-marital counseling that may be I might get him to go with me. But you are right, I have witnessed him say one thing in my face and turn around and do something completely different. For example one of the conditions I had when he asked me to move in together was that he would have to address what I saw as emotional intimacy that he was sharing with other people and one person in particular. He agreed to end that relationship. What I have found is that his definition of ending the relationship means that he limits his communication to chatting online with her at work and at home when I am out of town.
Is this situation hopeless? Is it possible for him to gain self awareness and grow out of this? Or is this like alcoholism where it will always be a part of him that he has to remain cognizant of, monitor and control? Is it really his insecurities and fears?
Or is it me, that I am just not the one for him, and that as much as he claims to love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that deep down inside he really doesn’t. That I am more of a convenience for him – takes the pressure of his parents off of him; makes him more financially well off; and gives him the security of knowing that someone is there for him despite his deviancy . I have known him for over six years. I used to excuse some of his odd behaviors as just immaturity, but now I don’t think that that is the case. I am so embarrassed and shocked…What am I getting myself into ?
I will check out the chat rooms that you suggested. And I appreciate any additional thoughts you (or anyone else) may have.
Dear don’t know, glad I could be of some assistance.
Please bear in mind that what goes for me not necessarily goes for others, I am probably an example of the worst case scenario.
Having said that I really recognize myself in your friend behavior.
While my addiction started with porn and later prostitution, there was a time that I became aware that I could be attractive to the other sex. At first my intentions seemed noble but soon I found out that I could be attractive for more persons at the same time and dived in deep.
I was so stupid to think that once I had a relation I would stop with the sex addiction. Then I was so stupid to think that me having more flings at the time was just me doing what I should have done at high school. Later I realized that all those so called relationships were just another side of the coin, instead of seeking help I reverted to prostitution, figuring that at least I would hurt no-ones feelings that way.
Anyway, to get back to the main story, I too have had female friends that I used to tell that the one I was with was crazy. Usually back and forth. I had a female friend I could really talk with, there were those just for sex, there were those for drinking, having fun e.t.c. So that behavior of your fiancé sounds very familiar to me.
Same goes for the commitment issues, setting a date for lunch with me is quite difficult almost impossible. I hated/hate to commit myself. (So glad I have friends and family with lot’s of patience).
I understand that UR to be married in January. Well I’d say don’t.
Your friend is still in the midst of his behavior and that will not be solved within half a year.
Again I don’t say this is always the case but I only reached out for help when I really hit rock bottom and was about to do myself in. I’ve reached out for help before but only to get my real live back on track so I could continue as usual. I’m glad I did not start a family because I would have dragged them down with me.
I do think that it is like alcoholism in a sense that it will always be a pitfall. Sometimes I wish it was like heroin or another class A drug. Those are not part of everyday normal live while in a healty relationship sexuality is.
I have not figured that one out yet myself. But at the moment I am not really a good catch or marriage material anyway so in my list that is point 999 of a 1000.
Professional help for you would be a good thing. Who am I to give advice, I made a mess of my own live :)
I’d advice you to at least postpone the marriage (or cancel). His behavior reminds me of me when I was in the midst of that part of the addiction. In my case that was about 10 years ago. So I don’t expect it to be over in less than half a year. And be honest, do you want to marry someone who you know you can’t really trust at the moment?
Again I do not want to push you into things of out of things. I can just give you the worst case scenario.
Oh and beware of me too, I just realized that I have talked girls out of relationships just so, well you know. Not with the most noble of intentions.
That is why I will stay out of the conversation from now and let the really wise people here and in the chat take over.
I hope you will make the right decisions and that in 30-40 years time you will sit back with your hubby enjoying the grand kids, looking back without regrets. Be it with the one you’re with now or another one, in any case Mr right.
Take care
Dear Slowly recovering
Amazing how useful someone like you may be to advice people concerning a problem you know well from inside
I think that almost every men would like to have an affair with a lot of beautiful or intelligent (and why not beautiful AND intelligent?) women
Just because most of them are adults, they usually choose one and stay with her
I think that we are all, a little or more, addict to something
I am a little addict
To knowing new things, new persons, to experimenting new thing, new behaviours
Like someone that would smoke one cigarette here and there, would drink a glass of beer or wine from time to time
Just for the pleasure
But needing it anyway
I like knowing new women
It may last one hour or one year untill she begs me to kiss her or to make love with her
But I need this and try to respect them all the time I am with.
And I love each of them, the time I am with (and sometimes still later)
I feel good with this and I appreciate beeing like this
But it would be impossible for me to advise someone like “I dont know wht to do”
I just can read you and say:
What you say to “I dont know wht to do” is really the best advice she can get
@ “I dont know wht to do”
God has placed the words of “Slowly recovering” before your eyes
You can be thankfull to God and to “Slowly recovering”
The latter knows best what is all about the problem and the first knows best how to teach you through “Slowly recovering”
Good luck to you both!
I think I’m an addict but not really sure. I love my fiance and I would never cheat on him with another man. I have no desire for any other man and in fact the thought of other men in that way makes me feel disgusted and even frightened. However I am addicted to porn and masturbating, that has been ongoing since before I met him but seems to have gotten worse. I am no longer satisfied with it, and takes more and more to get me off.-
My fiance is fully aware of this and so far it hasn’t bothered him. In fact he likes porn too, but I get sad when he uses porn instead of “me”.
Also I am increasingly unsatisfied with our sex. I desire him constantly, I have fantasies about him all day. I get really worked up physically and emotionally just thinking about it. But he only wants it like once every 2 weeks and he doesn’t act very into it. When we do have good sex I literally feel “high” afterwards, even if I don’t orgasm. I feel so loved and safe and secure with him, and I also feel like the only way I can express my love for him is through sex. When I don’t get it from him I feel rejected and ugly and sad. I know he loves me but I can’t help how I feel. I’m scared to really talk to him about it because I don’t want him to think I’m crazy or it to be a “thing” in our relationship. How do I deal with this without making a big deal of this? Does anyone understand what I mean?
-Angelmari
Dear Angelmari
I think I understand you
Could you tell if you try to seduce him during normal life
And how you do to seduce him (no need of explicit descriptions linked with sex, but explicit descriptions of what you do BEFORE having sex or WHEN YOU WANT to have sex)
May be, knowing this, I can tell you how I see the situation
-Enzo
I recently found out the my fiance has a masturbation and pornography addiction, I was horrified, shocked, betrayed, devastated – basically every emotion a person could feel. I needed answers and quick – I looked around and found the website http://www.sexaulcontrol.com website and so much made so much sense to both of us – I was lucky my fiance was ready to deal with his issues and we spent 2 days reading the book and information on that website – it helped me understand him a little bit more and helped him see he not alone and was finally able to put a name to this problem which had plagued him for years. We are now in contact with the author of that website and getting some help, even if you decide not to contact the author go and read the information it is free and extensive – if you are like me you will have nothing to lose at this stage!
I feel for and understand each of the women on here who have found out about their partner and their addiction it is one of the hardest things you and I will ever face – if you are able to stick it out (and it is healthy to) and your partner is willing to do so as well you have a chance. And to I dont know what to do I really recommend this site it also has information on how to confront your partner – I think you should just come out with it directly with all your evidence if you have been together for 6 years then you should be able to look at his phone and computer whenever if he does not have anything to hide he has nothing to get up in arms over – at least this way he will either crack and tell you the truth or you will know for sure that he is not going to be honest with you, either way you will have a better place to make a decision from. I am happy to chat to you directly not through here if you like – might help to have someone else going through same kind of thing.
Stay strong mate!
Dear Enzo,
I do any and everything to try to get him in the mood. We are busy all day and I usually put our 4 kids to bed at 8pm and I try and stay up to spend time with him but he plays x-box and I get bored so I go to bed. I put on outfits and strut around or try and give him a massage or offer to watch porn together and flat out tell him I want to have sex, and he knows I love it if he wakes me up to it- but usually he falls asleep in his chair or when he does come to bed he says he is too tired to have sex. I do all of the work 90% of the time so I don’t understand. It’s been like that for months and getting worse. He is just not motivated anymore, and it hurts because I feel like he doesn’t care. He is a wonderful man and father, and the sex is our only issue in our relationship. Im worried it’s gonna be like this forever.
Dear Working Together, How did you find out about your fiance’s problem? How did you go about approaching him? What was his initial response? And how did you handle it?
Dear angelmary,
I’ve read your first mail and I could truly relate to the bit of: ‘that has been ongoing since before I met him but seems to have gotten worse. I am no longer satisfied with it, and takes more and more to get me off.’
You say you are not sure if you are an addict but, the not longer satisfied part and ‘more and more to get me off’ are tell tale signs of an addiction in whatever shape or form. Another sign is the ‘high’ bit I recognize that.
I can’t see if you are Christian or not, but in the bible there are truly great stories and analogies even if you choose not to be a Christian.
Like Joh. 4: Where Jezus tells a woman about the water of live. This Samaritan woman was getting water out of a well when Jezus came along. First the woman was confused as Samaritans and Jews did not go well together those days. Then Jezus told her that if she knew who she was talking to that she would have asked for the water of live. Turns out that this woman had had several husbands and was working on a new one (she had a void in her live and thought a husband would fix that). So Jezus told her about the water of live vs the ‘earthly’ water. Earthly water in her case was thinking that a husband would ease her first so to speak. Apparently it did not because well she had already been trough a couple of mariages and was now busy on a new one. That ‘earhtly water’ can be anything, drugs, booze, money…… Porn, masturbation. A junky always craves the next fix, an alcoholic craves the next drink, A millionaire won’t quit after his first million on the bank and well as you told in your story you are no longer satisfied and it takes more and more to get you off. Jezus then told about the water of live being water that does satisfy, ease thirst and won’t leave a deep craving after you drank it, the word of God, faith, forgiveness e.t.c.
If You are not a Christian I suppose you won’t relate to that last bit but the first bit of the earthly water leaving you craving for more should ring a bell I guess.
In my case, what started out with swim suit issues ended in visiting the most depraved parties you can think of. Even then I still was not satisfied.
I was trying to fill a void I thought porn/masturbation/prostitution whatever, could fill that. It did not, it only made the void bigger and bigger.
As for your husband not being motivated anymore, I have an analogy for that (Man, dr Phil Watch out, Slowly Recovering will take over).
When I was in my mid 20′s and starting at a new job, I had to live in a kind of Dorm for a while because I could not find a proper house in time. First I had a couple of weeks of and started to get to know my house mates. Off-course being young and all, getting to know people involved alcohol. There was this one girl who sure could drink and knew how to party. At first that was really cool, I was no alcoholic but I did like my beer buzz that days besides I had a couple of weeks of. We drank not only at parties but also on a normal weekday. When it was time to go to work again we kept drinking during weekdays, however it started to dawn on me that she always drank a lot. When I had my first hangover at work I decided that it was enough for me and I’d stick to tea from then on. That’s where the so-called friendship turned sour. She lost her drinking buddy and I used to get annoyed of her drinking so much. When your sober, drunk people can be annoying. She thought I was a square, she thought I did not like her anymore. While I was far from square and still liked her as a person. In the end when I did want one or two beers (or 10 for that matter), I drank alone (one or two) or with others (ten), not with her, because that was just too intense.
I guess what I am trying to say is, you dressing up, strutting around and whatnot might just be to intense for your fiancé at times. Sometimes guys just need a cuddle you know :). And while I will not judge ‘spicing up the old love live’ I am now aware that there is a great danger that those things can take away the most important thing in sexuality which is intimacy.
Can’t tell you what to do and stuff. But I can tell you what I used to do and what went horribly wrong in the end.
From what I read in your posts is that you do have a stable, loving relationship. So I guess talking about it would be a good thing.
For the whole porn thing I can recommend vistiting the website of setting the captives free. It deals with all kinds of addictions including porn and such. For me it really worked. After you have sent you’re introduction mail you will be assigned a mentor who is at least familiar with the problem but usually has had the same problem. This is really helpful as they can relate to the problem much easier. Someone who has never experienced it will usually just say ‘why don’t you just stop?’. Oh off course it is totally anonymous.
It helps sharing with people just be careful with who you share.
For the addiction bit I truly recommend help. For the fiance situation I guess talking will already do a lot of good.
That’s all for now, see you next week on the dr Slowly show :)
Dear Angelmari
Thanks for your confidence
What I am going to tell you may not please you
You just have to know that I love you, like one can love friends, sisters and brothers, and that I don’t judge you
Even if you may think I judge: I don’t
I just make observations:
“Slowly recovering” has told you here above: …Sometimes guys just need a cuddle you know… and:…those things can take away the most important thing in sexuality which is intimacy…
One cannot be more accurate
If you try to give and to search intimacy
If you try to give and to search tenderness
If you try to give and to search confidence
If you try to give and to search sincerity
Then you MAY find, get genuine relation, deep pleasure and, why not: sexual intercourse and satisfaction
But it is not compulsory
If you deal with tenderness, confidence, sincerity, maybe you will find, one day, real pleasure to deal with them
And, without waiting for it, you may get sexual arouse and reaction
You have to remember that sexual pleasure between two people is not automatic
And still less between to people that live together
You say:…I do all of the work 90% of the time…
But it is not a job with a goal, a purpose
You say:…I put on outfits and strut around
It means: I need your c…
And instead to tell him “I want your c…” you demonstrate that you want it now or in a while
IT WORKS LIKE THIS ONLY IN THE MOVIES: in stories imagined to be played by actors that obey to the script, the scenario
IN THE REAL LIFE you put your man in the most impossible situation
You just can be so gentle and loving and admiring him without waiting for anything and the miracle may happen: you both want to make love
When you propose a massage, you have to have (non-sexual) pleasure to give it
You also may ask for a massage, but not with sexual intentions: just to appreciate a non-sexual massage
Then if once in a while it turns to making love: ok. I hope it will be wonderful
It will have meant that you both have developped the envy to go further
But be careful that not everytime you get or give a massage it ends by making love, otherwise it will become automatic and break the “Magic”
And it the same for a man
It is not because he “has” a woman that he can s… her anytime, anywere
He too is gentle or not
If he is not, he would have better forget “his” woman
If he is (always) gentle, maybe the miracle of love will happen
But it is not guaranteed
It MAY happen
And THIS makes a lot of unsatisfied, frustrated people
People that wants everything at once, also love, sex and so on
As they are frustrated, instead of enjoying the pleasures of giving without waiting anything back, a part of them (most of them?) run in the quick and easy sex (not love: sex without love)
And this can give only more frustrations and leads to what “Slowly recovering” has experienced
I am not better than you or than other people
I am only priviledged to have experienced love, tenderness and laughs
But not always: I also have my part of difficulties
Knowing what to do to solve them I am the one and only responsible for what happens to me
With love dear “sister”