Comments on: FAQ’S: Sex Addiction

By: Andrew

Mon, 28 May 2012 04:16:16 +0000

@Anna, I understand in life that often people try to justify what the sin. There are many verses and passages in the Bible regarding the lust of the flesh however many times when a man is involved in sextexting or porn it has to do with a deeper hurt and he is hiding the hurt through this form of behavior. The answer whether your marriage is worth saving only can be answered through prayer, meditation and talking with other Godly people before making a move.

It is never right for a husband to do this type of behavior. The Holy Spirit can convict your husband more than you ever could as I am sure you have tried. The answer is through seeking God through his word as he will reveal to you the steps that need to be taken.
God Bless

By: anon

anon — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 13:50:30 +0000

Laura, you are making the right choice. I have been in a 13 year marriage to someone that seems to think that there is nothing wrong with sexting. Because he hasn’t acted on it,he thinks its okay. Never mind the pain his betrayal is causing me and that we are at risk of breaking up our family. He gamets angry at me foe snooping in his things but I often find what I am looking for. I am not proud of my behaviour. In fact I hate that about myself. We have a very good sexlife so I really don’t get. Is this appropriate behaviour for a chrstian. I love my husband but at this stage I’m not even sure if this marriage is worth fighting for.I have this constant feeling of inadequacy. Am I expecting too much?

By: Jamie

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 21:50:27 +0000

Thanks for sharing your story Skywalker. It is so cool to see how you have been set free through the work of Jesus Christ in your life. He is a wonderful Saviour, isn’t He?

By: skywalker

skywalker — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 10:44:25 +0000

Greetings and Merry Christmas to you all. You see the purpose of what i have been trying to write all along is not to “promote nudism”, but by the grace of the Lord to CHANGE THE PERCEPTION OF THE HUMAN BODY. You and I both know how our society has been over sexualized through the media, magazines, porn movies, mainstream movies and others, and like i said in one of my earlier post, because we are daily faced with these abuse of the image of women and men (more in the case of women), it seems to look practically impossible not to lust after them. I realized for the first time that through these media outlets, the society has unwittingly trained us to see women as nothing more than sex objects to be fantasized. Why do you think that when it comes to the case of a woman, in America, it is either her buttocks or her breasts that is emphasized, and thanks in no small measure to the fashion industry, we have now have people who wear clothes that reveal the breast area tantalizingly with the false promise of revealing what is beneath, and i need not even mention about Victoria’s secret. Because of this prevalent problem, people now forget that the woman’s is designed to nurture a new born baby and it is by no means a source of temptation!!! Please i will not kid you at all if i said that it took so much to grasp this deception, i mean almost throughout my christian life from when i was young, i was either trying to avoid scenarios that will trigger the desire to lust, or if i fail, i end up giving myself to it. When i was struggling with pornography, i prayed sincerely to God to help me, i told a few people about my problem, i tried setting up filters, i mad sure i bounced my eyes to the slight sight of a breast being exposed or if a woman even wears an tight dress that reveals the lining of her underwear, i also avoided movies that i knew that had sex scenes. There was even a time that i stayed clear of masturbation for a year (while at that time i kept counting how long i have been away from pornography, but in my heart sometimes i was seriously struggling with the temptation to do it). When i eventually relapsed, i felt like it was all happening again, and at that moment i totally gave myself to this habit. I gave up of god, I watched as many porn movies that i could find and because i took particular note of certain actresses, i kept searching for their videos as a motivation to keep on masturbating. I was a complete train wreck!!!! but I am so thankful to the Lord because despite my purposeful defiance believing that i could never be free, HE STILL LOVED ME AND ALWAYS LOVED ME, HE DID NOT GIVE UP ON ME. Even during the period that i was counting how long i resisted (in my life sometimes i will go 3 months, another 6 months, you cannot even imagine how happy i was, but there seem to always be that feeling that i may fall), i came across that first site that i gave you in my very first post, i initially thought it was going to be one of those Christian sites that will offer a more effective strategy of resisting sin alongside trusting God and praying, i found something entirely different from what i have been taught all my life. This change by no means happened overnight because at the beginning when i was having correspondence with one of the pastors who at one time also struggled, i kept asking myself when i saw on those playboy clips, i still believed that it was impossible not to have sexual thoughts and lust after a beautiful naked woman especially one that the media will attribute as having the right curves, round breasts and of course well shaped buttocks!!! Let me say at this point in time that we have been taught the false perception about the body that the Lord God himself. I know you made a comment about not believing that one cannot lust seeing naked people, so that we will not find ourselves giving room for the enemy to tempt us. Let me start by saying that all glory goes to Jesus Christ, because He has been helping me (i just do not even count how long anymore, surprisingly enough), though i do have a lot of regrets, lusting after these people who are in the porn industry, who were also created in the image of God, who one day will answer to the Lord for defiling His temple, who are completely warped in the belief that there is power in what they do yet the Lord Jesus died to save such people. There are several actresses who at the time were pornstars but are now ministers for Jesus (Shelley Lubben and Crissy Moran, you can check them out). I sincerely respect what you believe but i just thought that i share my testimony with you and others who may be reading this; but i will say this again; from the perspective of a man, the physical anatomy of the woman whether naked or not is not the enemy, but the sin of lust comes from the heart of the observer (in this a man who in ignorance believes already that nakedness will surely equate to sexually immoral interest) and also in the heart of the observed (in this case a woman who believes that dressing in a provocative manner, their breasts will surely incite lustful interest in men, whether she does it on purpose or not). Until we allow the Lord to deal with this sin from our hearts and then change our perception of the human body (both mean and women) and see them as the Lord’s fearfully and wonderfully created temple where the Holy Spirit desires to dwell and that the attributes are created to nurture and support a new life, many people including Christians will continue to struggle with this destructive habit. I sincerely hope that people’s hearts will opened to see beyond the illusion that has been perpetuated by the media. God bless you and Merry Christmas.

By: Jamie

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:26:40 +0000

Skywalker I totally agree that all sin, including lust, is something that begins in the heart. That is why external laws do nothing to deal with the sin. Laws are external restraints that impact how we act but do nothing for the heart problem. Jesus taught, “What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean.’ For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man ‘unclean.’” (Mark 7:20-23) Dealing with the external will not clean the problem inside. Jesus called the Pharisees “whitewashed tombs” (Matthew 23:27) because they had found ways to control their external actions but their hearts were still full of sin. So as you say skywalker, avoiding pornography does not deal with the sin of lust. All of the external restrictions we put on ourselves do nothing for the sin that is in our heart. When we allow Jesus to cleanse our hearts it effectively deals with the external sin as well.

By: skywalker

skywalker — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 23:17:08 +0000

Hi jamie, thank you for your reply. I am happy that you at least checked the sites and i am not surprised that you do not believe that it is possible to be in midst of nudity and not lust after it. However,i will like to first of all point out that alcohol is man made, while the human body was created by the Lord God. if a man drinks alcohol in excess, he becomes drunk and ofcourse if he makes it a habit, then it leads to alcoholism but as for the human body, we have been socially trained to expect that a man must have lustful thoughts if he sees a woman’s breast or buttocks or even a naked person for example, so as Christians, we believe that the only way to deal with it is to avoid them at all cost. As much as i agree that we as christians we must not have fellowship with darkness, but consider this; the western culture has become so preoccupied and obssessed with sex at an insane level and because we are exposed to these problem, we only get to see nudity only in a the sexually immoral content!! Thats why it seems as if there is no other way one can have any other response to the site of an unclothed person. You see, one of the reasons why i gave you those sites is not to necessarily promote naturalism (that is a choice for one to make, but rather to show you that it is not only when it comes to sex that nudity can be expressed. More importantly, God himself designed our bodies as his temple with his own hands (ofcourse God’s temple encompasses beyond just the human body). Have you ever asked yourself this question; why will God create us so fearfully and wonderfully made that our physical attributes will now become a stumbling block for one another. It is because as young children, we are told that nudity is altogether evil and it is something that is shameful or that it must be hidden to avoid sin, yet this notion is what empowers the pornographic industry to now flaunt those body parts in a sexually provocative manner that we are zealously trying to avoid. I am not saying that everyone must be nude or that being nude, we can overcome sin, what i am saying is that we must see that there is nothing pornographic, tempting or lewd about simple plain nudity, but to accept the fact that it is beautiful,wholesome and that it is the crowning act of God’s creation. God declared it to be good, and that has not changed despite the fact that Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the garden of Eden. As a man, God created me with a sex drive, and the fact men find women beautiful is right and normal, but if we then dishonor the woman by lusting after her in our heart, we are then choosing to defile someone who God made in His image, whom Jesus Christ died for, and by doing that we are insulting God. I experience this change first hand by the grace of God when i went for my first figure drawing class (i am artist), i prayed about and the pastor also recommended that i talk to God before going, when i went inside, i did not know what to expect, because here i am, looking at a very beautiful well shaped person who is completely naked!!! Yet during those 2 hours,i saw the beauty of God’s handiwork and all i could do was just bless God in my heart for how wonderful He has created us human beings. You see, people in America have been exposed to defiling content of women being sexually abused in porn films, mainstream movies showing simulated sexually immoral scenes coupled with the fear and ignorance on the part of parents, and pastors in teaching directly or indirectly that nudity even in its simple innocent state is altogether shameful. Like i said earlier, the human body including women in their natural beauty and splendor as God created it is not the problem here, the real problem is the fact that we have a wrong perception of the body. As long as we steadfastly hold on to the false view of the human body, the porn industry’s grip and allure will still remain strong even if the person success in avoiding porn!!! (i personally believe that true freedom is not determined by “how long the person stayed away from viewing or consuming porn”). Please i just want to add that i am expressing my experience and testimony because for a time, i too vehemently thought that there was nothing good at all about nudity and that if a man sees a woman naked or half naked, he will automatically lust, but i am here to tell you that lusting after someone is not “automatic”, it is a choice on the part of the observer. If we as Christians accept that Godly view of the human body, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we will not want to even associate or condone anything that defiles and distorts not only the human body but also the gift and sacredness of sex itself which by the way was created by God and it is good also. It is alright if you do not believe or accept my testimony but i sincerely hope that you will at least honestly question the things you believe and see if they are in line with the word of God. Have a blessed day.

By: Jamie

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 21:56:59 +0000

That makes sense that the change needs to happen within the heart of the one who lusts. If you are just depending on external restrictions the heart that is controlled by lust remains unchanged. That is not to say that the external restrictions are bad but they don’t deal with the issue completely. One of the sites you linked here quoted Colossians 3:20-23 “Since you have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the evil powers of this world, why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch.” Such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline. But they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires.” In Galatians Paul identifies how we defeat the lusts of our heart: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the lusts of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) So it is the Spirit of God that transforms our hearts so that we are not controlled by lust.

Now I do have to admit that I have a hard time agreeing with some of the ideas on the websites that you have linked to here. I see how different culture objectify different parts of the human anatomy as sexual and that just insuring that those areas of the body are covered with clothes does not deal with the heart issue of lust. What I don’t agree with is that I can know that I have been set free from the lust and objectifying body parts when I can see those parts of the body unclothed and not have lustful thoughts. Or that immersing myself in a naturist culture that I can de-objectify those parts of the body. To me that is similar to treating a person who has any other addiction by surrounding them by the things they are addicted with. Being able to resist the temptation in that setting may prove that one is no longer held captive by that addiction but it is not wise to give Satan that kind of opportunity to rekindle our lusts. Just because I am not bound by an addiction to alcohol, I still do not drink to excess.

By: skywalker

skywalker — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 20:38:29 +0000

Hi Jamie.I am very glad that you are the first to respond to my post. I will answer your question but i will also encourage you to prayerfully meditate on the site, there are also pastor’s emails that you can contact if you have questions. You asked how the site made a difference; the answer is simple really, and that is KNOWING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY THAT GOD MADE!!!! I do not say this lightly because it took me a long time to really see the fallacy that we are not aware of. Let me explain further; as a Christian who struggled with pornography, i prayed sincerely asking for the Lord to save me, i used internet filters to block myself from accessing porn sites, i made sure i was avoiding women who may otherwise have their [body parts] exposed and i tried not to look at certain ‘objectified’ parts of a woman [specific body parts] in real life or in the media. When i was meditating on the site, i realized for the first time in my life that the real problem is not the women who may dress lustfully or anything, but rather the problem lies IN THE VERY HEART OF THE OBSERVER, IT IS LUST THAT DRIVES US TO SIN AND SEEK OUT PORN SITES. Another important truth you will soon discover is that (i hope you are ready to hear what i am about to say) contrary to the media (in this case the porn industry), the human body especially the body of a woman that has been sexually objectified ARE NOT AND WAS NEVER CREATED AS A SOURCE OF TEMPTATION!!!! THAT CAME AS A RESULT OF A PORNO-PRUDISH VIEW OF THE HUMAN BODY!!!! I will stop here for now because like i said in the previous post, this will be a lot to take in. I do however want to post several sites for you that will help you and anyone else, but you must be willing to open your heart and perform an honest study. The site includes:

1.) http://mychainsaregone.org/MCAG-TheChain-ann.htm (Please i seriously advise, you read this article first prayerfully)
2.) http://www.pastordavidrn.com/files/Breasts.html
3.) http://thebiblicalnaturist.blogspot.com/2010/09/objectification-of-women-part-1.html
4.) http://naturist.r2bw.com/RejectShame/RSpride.html
5.) http://figleafforum.com/

I will also leave with you this scripture: John 8:32 and Mark 7:14-23. Have a blessed day and know that JESUS CHRIST LOVES YOU ALWAYS. Looking forward to hearing from you.

By: Jamie

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 21:37:09 +0000

Thanks skywalker, the site you recommend has some great biblical principles for followers of Jesus who fight against addictions. How did it make a difference in your life?

By: Annie Elizabeth Farmer

Annie Elizabeth Farmer — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 00:54:55 +0000

I hope my newly published book, “Survival Snapshots: Defending Home Against Sex Addiction,” published by Twin Fawns Press and available at Amazon.com will provide some help and comfort to women going through this. I survived it!