Comments on: 5 Levels of Communication

By: Claire Colvin

Mon, 06 May 2013 22:15:13 +0000

Hi Bethany, It might be helpful to start by taking a closer look at why you stay quiet. Do you need time to gather your thoughts? Are you unsure of your opinion? Do you feel that you won’t be heard? Do you worry that your words won’t be accepted? It is easier to be passively quiet? Do you prefer that someone else carry the conversation? Do you find that when you speak you are misunderstood? Is there a part of you or your story that is scary to discuss? If you can pinpoint the why behind your choice not to speak up that will give you a good starting place to develop new strategies to help you communicate. Going into marriage you’re going to have to talk to each other. Now is a great time to find a way communicate.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Mon, 06 May 2013 20:56:41 +0000

It is the opposite for my fiancé and I. He is big on communication and I tend to clam up. I am also not very good at talking about my feelings. It makes him so upset and turns into arguments. I just never seem to know what to say. So I stay quiet. How can begin to express myself?

By: priya

priya — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 07:35:26 +0000

thanks a lot

By: Alfred

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 02:59:02 +0000

Amanda (October 22), when reading your description, I felt that you were making your man feel that YOU are right, and that he must bow or learn. On the other hand, I very much like what Jamie said “…develop a feeling of team work rather than opposition.” Let him know that you are on his side, and work on the situation together. When you are his friend then he should not hide or be defensive, for there is no “stand off”.
Hi Zeee, what if we have a prayer together: Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for reaching down to this couple and lifting them up to realize that there is hope. YOU have a plan for each life, for each marriage, and will help us in the best ways possible. Since those who fall the lowest often rise up to exceptional heights, we pray that You give this couple a miracle. Have them, together, ask U for it. In the name of Jesus, our intercessor, Amen.
Dear Eugene, I feel that Barbara Alpert (January 8) has given you a very good reply. What more can I say, except a prayer for you, your wife and all concerned. I Cor. 13 is indeed a great passage of Scripture! Sometimes it is very helpful to focus on the solution (rather than on the problem). God is our Solution, for HE is the One who will help us through every difficult situation. My experience is that when we thank Him in advance for His answer, then we can put a smile on our face, for He’s taking care of it. In God’s perfect timing, and in His way, the answer comes!

By: Barbara Alpert

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 17:15:08 +0000

Dear Eugene,

I have great empathy for you and all that you are currently juggling and struggling with at this time. Your wife’s health issues, family chaos and discord, and your feelings as though you have no say in anything that is taking place. I cannot imagine how down you must be feeling at this time without positive people around to support and build you up through the ordeal that is taking place. Do you have a few positive, close friends that you are able to confine in for support and encouragement?

From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have been doing everything that you possibly can in helping your wife through this. Perhaps her family is just so worried of loosing your wife whom they have known all their lives. Maybe as they realize that she is on the road to recovery that they can then feel more comfortable in going about their own lives again and allow you the blessed alone time you desire with her.

Have you told your wife that you “miss” alone time with her and that you would love to set out a certain time during the day/evening for some quality time with her? I’m not sure how well she is at this stage of recovery but if you and her can possibly go out on a date by yourselves would allow you the time to get closer to her again.

I know when I have gone through crisis in my own family my relationship with the Lord has always sustained me through the ordeals. Do you have faith in the Lord? Do you realize that God loves you and cares about all that you are going through? He wants to sustain you through this ordeal and perhaps desires to see a change in heart for all those involved towards one another.

Here is a scripture that from God’s word that you and your wife can share you both journey through this situation together as husband and wife.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1Corinthians 13:4-7)

At this time, I would like to pray for you:

Father God, I pray that You would make away for Eugene to be able to have some alone time with his wife. I pray that as You heal her from the sickness that she is battling that You will also heal and restore their marriage as well. I ask that You work on softening the hearts of all those that are involved in this situation and that Your goodness prevails. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

Eugene, may you realize that we have online mentors available to encourage you through this season of heartache. If you would like to connect with one of our male mentors just fill out the “talk to a mentor” form and one will connect with you via email.

By: Barbara Alpert

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 01:25:29 +0000

Dear Zeee, Sorry to hear that you and your spouse are having communication problems within your marriage. Before getting married, did the two of you have good communication skills with one another? If so, did something take place after you wedded that has put a wedge between the two of you speaking openly and lovingly with one another?

God wants you to be in a good, healthy, striving relationship with your spouse and this stems from being able to talk with one another about all different kinds of life issues. Good communication is vital in building a strong foundation within your household. Have you ever considered seeking some sort of marriage counseling to help open up and unleash healthy ways to communicate with each other?

At this time, I would like to pray for you:

Father God, I pray for Zeee and ask that You begin working on the communication problem taking place within this marriage. I ask that You would prepare both hearts and minds in seeking to speak openly, honestly, and lovingly with one another as husband and wife ought to. I pray that You would remove all hindrances and barricades that are preventing this couple to empathize with each other. May they learn how to speak to one another as You would have them without harsh words or lack of caring words. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen

By: Eugene

Eugene — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 10:36:14 +0000

Good day.
My wife was diagnosed with Triple – H Negative breast cancer in Nov’2010 and and have been doing this journey with my wife, unconditionally.
Cleaning her radiation wounds and 24/7 there for her. And doing what is expected of me as a husband.
She was admitted frequently the past 3months and are my parents in law very involved with her life. Not to mention the brother in law and really making life difficult for me since we met. However the tribulation we went thru, against all odds I’m still here for her. No matter what.
I just feel that lately I’m struggling with it all as her parents, the mother and brothers little daughter spent nearly 5weeks in my house and depriving me from quality time with my wife and not having 5minutes of her time throughout the day.
I have started several discussion groups whereby I update her progress to all friends and family. And the brother in law making nasty comments that I do not appreciate at all.
I have now several times reached out to my wife and wanting to discuss with her on how I feel and what I’m going thru. And she is just not interested and saying that she will not allow me to come in between her and her brother.
She does not want to discuss this with me and really making me feel unwanted as this is the 1st action in any relationship and that is COMUNICATION!
I do support her and do help where ever I can even if I do not want to help, I still do it without moaning. As I’m not the sick person here.
She is so unwilling and stubborn as to just listen and be there for me as wife.
When she was diagnosed I told the oncologist that WE have cancer and not she.
What gets to me is that her mother and brother seemingly is so welcome in overstepping their boundries when it comes to our relationship, marriage.

By: zeee

zeee — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 01:01:27 +0000

Since we got married for the past 6 years we don’t communicate n up..what is the meaning of this marriage

By: zeee

zeee — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 01:00:16 +0000

Since we gotmarried for the past 6 years we don’t communicate n up..what is the meaning of this marriage

By: Jamie

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 17:55:24 +0000

Hi Amanda, you need to be patient: habits in relationships do not change quickly and you need to work with your man in developing new problems. What I have found is that it is easier to establish patterns in communication when there is no issue then trying to establish those patterns while talking through a problem. At this point, stay away from the issue that he reacted to and talk about how you want your communication to go when you have a disagreement. Talk through how someone brings up an issue to talk about and how the other person can respond. Create common words that you can use to help each other understand the severity of the issue and your feelings. Develop strategies for how one partner can create some space but still commit to come back and deal with the issue. If you have a game plan before you get into an issue it provides a framework for the conversation about that issue. You will enhance understanding and develop a feeling of team work rather than opposition. Some couples find it helpful to set up these kinds of parameters with a counselor or pastor who can give some objectivity and ideas of what kind of boundaries are helpful. But ultimately it has to be something that both of you commit to.

Does that make sense?