Spicy Sex

Written by Erin Ursel

sexlove_spicysexAt 16, I had been kissed, but never reciprocated. When I finally encountered a guy I actually wanted to kiss, I called on my best friend for advice. “Close your eyes, open your mouth and it’s a done deal,” she said.

When the opportunity for my first real kiss showed up, I leaned in. He closed his eyes; I closed mine. He opened his mouth; I froze. Nothing happened. In fact, the only thing I could do was grab my shoes and run out the front door towards a bus stop. The ride home was a blur. That night, I learned kissing doesn’t come naturally. Today, I know that neither does sex.

The older I get, the more I realize good things take time. If I plan to stay married, have fun and build a strong family, I have to put effort into my relationship. And if I want us to be a strong couple, sex must be a priority. We need to keep it fresh and exciting. How do we do that?

Let’s talk about sex, baby.

Many couples only talk about sex right before, during, or just after they have it. Why is that? If sex is a major part of marriage, why don’t we talk about it more often?

The foundation for great sex is an intimate relationship with your partner. That it turn comes from open, honest communication. Turn off the TV, close your book, and talk. Talk about your expectations; talk about what you like and what you don’t; talk about what you want. If we wait until we’re having sex to vent our frustrations, desires, inadequacies or insecurities, it takes away from the experience.

I’m too sexy for my man.

We often go to great lengths to impress others – colleagues, friends, even acquaintances – but we forget to take the same care for the person who matters most. Ask your husband what he finds attractive. Does he like it when you dress up? Does lipstick turn him on? And perfume? Or does he prefer you au naturel? If you’re comfortable with his suggestions, go ahead, tempt him. He’ll appreciate it and you’ll both reap the benefits.

My girl wants to party all the time.

Most men think about sex about 39 times a day. Most women don’t. No wonder when your husband asks you if you want to “go upstairs” you might reply “What for?” Preparing for sex builds excitment. Giving it some thought ahead of time can help make the experience more enjoyable. Think of it as getting ready for a party.

When throwing a party, we women go to great lengths. We remember the tiniest details. Not only do we sweep, scrub and decorate the house, we make sure we look and feel fabulous ourselves. Do we take the same care preparing for the party in our bedroom?

Since sex is one of life’s keenest pleasures, a little extra care in planning will heighten our anticipation and enhance our experience. Some couples add ambiance with candles and sparking nectars. Others have fun with scavenger hunts leading up to the bedroom. Experiment with ways to spice things up. Be daring, while ensuring both of you still enjoy yourselves.

Are we having fun yet?

Finally, laughter is truly the best medicine. Learn to laugh at yourself, even in the bedroom. Enjoy each other. Don’t be too serious. Let your conversation be playful and your heart light. Sex was created for pleasure; it’s a gift the two of you share. Enjoy it as one of the benefits of a fulfilling marriage.

EmailPrint

16 Responses to “Spicy Sex”

  • nabin says:

    o iam not sure yaar

  • Nancy says:

    lea1222,
    I’m not sure but it sounds like you’re saying as you grow as a Christian you find it more difficult to talk about sex. I’m saddened when I hear people say that! God made us and made us so that sex is pleasurable! His only restriction is that sex be kept between a married couple. The Bible speaks of this in various places but the Song of Solomon is a beautiful example of what God wants marriage to be like! The Marriage Bed is a great web site for married couples. God Bless you in your marriage!

  • Blessedwife&mom says:

    Excellent article! Oral sex has not been in our routine for years. I really detest the taste of semen & as such I decided never to do it again. Well, I was going through the last edition of Redbook magazine and I saw the advert for Masque Sexual Flavor. I ordered some, plus you get $2 coupon from the magazine,for every pack you buy. I used it today (valentines day). It works! It lets you do your thing without any worries.I got the mango flavor. At first, the flavor strip had a sharp taste but after a few seconds, it was okay. Throughout oral sex, you taste nothing but the mango flvor. When the semen gets into your mouth, you know its there but you dont taste it. Needless to say it was the best valentine gift and my husband was Oh Sooo Happy!! Would I be using it again? Absolutely ! The info on their website says its safe to use but I would still bring it with me to my next semi-annual Ob/Gyn checkup. Just to know what my doctor thinks about it. I apologize if I grossed anyone out. Not my intention. Just wanted to help any wife/mom out there who is looking for a way to spice up her sex life…

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    Hi Sammy112, your experience is not unique. Most parents go through a period of time when sexual intimacy is difficult to schedule into their lives. As with all aspects of marriage the most important part of figuring this out is honest, vulnerable communication. Having the attitude that you are working on this as a team rather than allowing it to set you up as enemies is a key aspect of making that communication productive. What many couples find is that they need to put aside the attitude of expecting spontaneous passion and becoming much more intentional of creating moments that prioritize intimacy and minimize distractions. There can be a maturing component of your sex life when it is less about the physical pleasure and more about the appreciation you have for your spouse. Both you and your husband will find that your physical pleasure goes to a new level when your passion to express your love and appreciation of each other becomes the priority.

    There are some great books on the subject and I would recommend that you and your husband read through them together. Some couples have found it very fruitful to actually read the chapters aloud to each other. In books like Kevin Leman’s “Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage”, Dennis and Barbara Rainey’s “Rekindling the Romance”, and Bill and Pam Farrel’s “Red Hot Monogamy” you will find some very practical suggestions of how to schedule your intimacy with each other and create an environment in your family that allows the two of you to express your love and appreciation for each other.

  • Sammy112 says:

    We have three children and i’m pregnant. Sex becomes apart of the daily check list and it looses it excitement. You know, homework, feed the kids, baths, bible study prayers, sex with husband. Sex somehow has lost it’s spice in my bedroom. Even when we do have time alone which is rare. We intend on having sex we maybe even attempt to have sex but we fall asleep and it never happens. By then the kids are back home, and alone time is over.Please help me???

  • Christina says:

    This is an interesting post.

    I agree that both partners have to be open to discuss their likes / dislikes in the bedroom. For some women, this is very difficult. It is my belief that most Christian women are made to feel that openly talking to your man is dirty or cheapens the relationship. And a lot of women are uncomfortable with their bodies, which makes it harder to be free in the bedroom as well. It took me a bit to get over this, but boy is it so freeing to be able to share what I enjoy or even give instruction. I don’t hesitate to initiate and never have to wait for my love to initiate if I’m in the mood. If my man wants to see me in lingerie, heels, a specific costume or whatever… I willingly do this for him. And I enjoy it! Nothing is off limits between us and it has opened our relationship up tremendously.

    As far as the Masque Sexual Flavors… I’ve not ever heard of it, but there are all kinds of flavored lubricants on the market. I, personally, find the taste of the products unappealing. I will mention too that if you’re having regular intercourse, most men generally don’t “leak” semen. However, if your man does leak, then maybe you could ask him to wear a non-lubricated condom during oral (make sure you wipe it down with a wet washcloth first to avoid the chalky taste). If you don’t like swallowing after they ejaculate during oral, then switch to hand motion only and remove him from your mouth. I’m sure your husband will understand your preferences. Also wanted to note that a man can make himself taste better by eating more citrus fruits and more pure and clean foods. This goes for women too. Makes oral more pleasant for both parties.

    Here’s to great sex…

    Christina

  • claire says:

    agree this is an excellent article, and it is so important to talk with our spouses about what one another enjoys, what is important, and not to assume that because one enjoys something that the other will like it too. kg73, I have not heard of Masque Sexual Flavors, but my concern would the chemical content and the health concerns surrounding what may be contained in such products for both you and your husband; the contents could create a reaction, such as an allergic reaction, for one or both of you, that could result in serious illness. I am wondering if you have considered talking to your husband about other fun alternatives that are natural – maybe foods that could be used to make the experience fun, exciting and enjoyable and also a pleasant taste experience. God did give us food and one another to enjoy
    god bless
    claire :) xxxx

  • B. Miller Brenda says:

    I agree this is an excellent article, and it is so important to talk with our spouses about what one another enjoys, what is important, and not to assume that because one enjoys something that the other will like it too. kg73, I have not heard of Masque Sexual Flavors, but my concern would the chemical content and the health concerns surrounding what may be contained in such products for both you and your husband; the contents could create a reaction, such as an allergic reaction, for one or both of you, that could result in serious illness. I am wondering if you have considered talking to your husband about other fun alternatives that are natural – maybe foods that could be used to make the experience fun, exciting and enjoyable and also a pleasant taste experience. God did give us food and one another to enjoy!

    God bless you!

    Brenda

  • kg73 says:

    So I’m desperately trying to spice up my marriage. Oral sex has become a more regular part of our lives again — I had stopped for a long time because I didn’t like the taste. But I’m wondering if anyone has tried this stuff called Masque Sexual Flavors? I saw an ad in Cosmo recently and it’s supposed to change the taste of semen. I’m wondering how it works. If you’ve tried it can you let me know, please? You can check it out at yourmasque.com
    Thanks!

  • Doris Beck Doris says:

    You are so right Morgan…good things to take time, and they also take work! Having a good marriage takes both…time and work…and lots of communication. It’s time to turn off the tv and talk more.

  • Lisa says:

    i’m not sure about this too.

  • Morgan says:

    The older I get, the more I realize good things take time.

  • lea1222 says:

    i truly agree, as a growing Christian i find hard to talk about sex. I find awkward & not pleasing to God. I’m blessed God as the time we live together as husband & wife. My husband understand & help me to deal being as a conservative woman. God give me wisdom how to adjust with my husband especially in sex matters. Sometimes im the one open up the topic. I’ve learned to be more comfortable conversing with him. Right now we’re both discovering how to enjoy our intimate moments inpite of business, problems and situations.

  • Mary says:

    I’m not sure.

  • kevin says:

    I loved this article, especially the fact that it was written by a woman. Too often, it seems that the report is men are always the initiators and the ones who benefit most from a sexual relationship. Women are most times portrayed as disinterested… Husbands AND wives benefit from an open, communicative, passionate lovelife. Thanks for the suggestions!

  • Mr. Spice says:

    This is a great post and reminder! Our Issue is definitely not preparing our bedroom for our time together! We have things strewn all over the place – and during this time of year – the holidays – all sorts of things are in there, from presents to winter coats to suitcases. Thanks for the heads up and the great tips!

Leave a Reply