Do You Trust Him?

Written by Claire Colvin

It’s easy to fall in love with a man you don’t trust, but it’s hard to live with him.

Real, lasting relationships are built on trust. Trust is foundational because it creates a safe environment for intimacy to grow. If your relationship is going to work you need to be able to trust your partner with your past, your present and your future. Trust takes time and effort, is easily broken and hard to restore but if you’re willing to work at it, the reward is the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

Revealing your true self

Trust allows you to reveal who you really are. In spite of all the tricks we use to try and impress someone during the early stages of dating, intimacy is founded on knowing and being known. Your partner has to get to know the real you – what you’re like when you’re tired, angry, frustrated, elated or talking to your Mom on the phone. He has to love you as you are, not as he hopes you might be. Anything less won’t last.

Have you seen or read Bridget Jones’s Diary? There’s one scene where Mark Darcy tells Bridget, “I like you Bridget ,just as you are.” She is floored. Why such a strong reaction to a simple comment? Because Mark is telling her that he really sees her and he likes what he sees. He didn’t say he’d like her ten pounds lighter, or a little more sophisticated, or prettier, or better read. He likes her as she is, unconditionally. She doesn’t have to try and impress him, he’s already impressed. Knowing that you are loved for who you are lets you relax and let your guard down. It lets you be honest without fear of rejection, and frankly, it feels great.

Honest communication

Trust opens the door to honest communication. You can’t communicate honestly if you’re always second-guessing how your partner will react and rephrasing your thoughts to fit in with his agenda. Communication takes concentration. In her article, “Why Can’t We Communicate?” Geri Forsberg , Ph.D., outlines the five steps to effective communication:

  1. Ask questions. Don’t assume you understand what a person means. Once you ask a few questions, it doesn’t take long to really find out what he really means.
  2. Listen. To become a better communicator, you must be willing to listen so you can understand the other person’s perspective.
  3. Observe and be willing to verify the information you receive.
  4. Let people know what you are thinking by sharing it. By disclosing information about yourself, it aids the other person in understanding who you are and how you are understanding them.
  5. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins. If your motives are wanting to understand people and accept them for who they are, then communication will be easier. But if you set out to convince them that your way is the right way, then that’s not communication. And that’s not love.

Fair fights

Once you’ve cleared up your communication, trusting your partner will help you to fight fair when disagreements occur. Face it, if you’re involved with a living, breathing human being you are going to fight. Whether the fights tear you apart or actually resolve conflicts and bring you closer together depends on whether or not you fight fair.

What is a fair fight? Most experts agree that fair fighting does the following:

  1. Stays on topic. Now is not the time to bring out a list of past wrongs. Deal with the issue at hand.
  2. Refuses to resort to name calling and insults. Remember that the point of the argument is solve something, not tear the other person to bits or badger them so they’ll quit and you’ll win. If you don’t respect your partner, or if they feel attacked, they’ll stop listening.
  3. Avoids generalizations and sticks to the facts. “You always” or ” you never” statements do not reflect reality and will only put your partner on the defensive. Stick to what actually happened and how it made you feel.

Building trust

Trust doesn’t just naturally happen between two people, even if they love each other. It takes work and if you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be especially difficult. Building trust takes time, you need to show your partner that you are trustworthy and that you trust them in return. If your partner has trouble trusting, you can do a lot to create an environment where trust can grow. Listen to your partner, respect him and his opinions, and accept him as he is. Reveal parts of your own history, show him that you trust him and you will help him to do the same. If you are vulnerable it helps your partner to feel that he is safe to be vulnerable as well.

Don’t rush it. If you truly love your partner and want what’s best for him, you’ll wait. If you’re in a relationship with someone you feel you can’t trust, don’t ignore it. If you have trouble trusting anyone, you might want to seek counseling before you run away from what could be a great relationship. Your past does affect your ability to trust. However, if trust hasn’t been a problem for you in the past and your gut is telling you to protect yourself from this guy, take it as a warning. Take a close look at who he is, how he treats others and how he treats you. Your gut may be giving you good information.

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116 Responses to “Do You Trust Him?”

  • kezzy says:

    @Aldo: Thank you for taking the time to answer, I appreciate it.

  • Aldo says:

    Kezzy, Matt Slick of writes in his column, “God’s intention of the genders is that those born males act like males and those born females act like females. But, in rare instances there are babies born with the sexual organs of both sexes. Why is this? First of all, sin is in the world; and it sometimes takes its tolls on our bodies resulting in various deformities. Nevertheless, in the case of hermaphroditism, the identity of the individual is still intended by God to be one or the other… In some cases, there are hermaphrodites who are distinctly male in appearance yet have female sexual organs. There are also those who appear decidedly feminine in physical appearance yet possess male sexual organs. Either way, the genetic dominance is the gender, and the person will manifest that dominance as he or she matures.”

    That being the case, I would guess that hermaphrodites can get married; the genetically dominant male to the genetically dominant female.

    Kezzy, genitals were not always considered private. After Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden, they became aware of their nakedness, and were ashamed, and tried to cover those parts up.

    God, had made male and female different for the express purpose of comradeship, and for populating the earth. And it seems that Adam and Eve instinctively knew what to do with those parts.

    I hope this helps.

    Kezzy, I would suggest that you go to, and allow God to bless you.

  • kezzy says:

    I’m really curious but I’d like to know:
    1)Can Christian hermaphrodites/intersexuals get married?
    2)Why are the genitals considered private? What makes particular body parts sexual?
    3)Is it just a social construct or are certain body parts (biblically) considered sexual and private?

    Thanks for your answers. I didn’t know where to post these questions.

  • Susan says:


    How can you trust this guy also? How long you will go on with such relationships. I suggest, commit your life Jesus. Start a new/clean life. Focus on Jesus, get to know Him, talk to. God is a good God and he knows our needs. He is created us and He knows when /what we need and He give us at the right time. Trust Him AJ. Jesus loves you and He cares for you.

    I encourage you to log on to this link

    and if you have any questions please write to me.

  • Susan says:


    How are you and how is your friend? Are you still in touch with him?

  • Susan says:


    If your boyfriend is decent enough then why can’t you change yourself. What type of a fear you are carrying? Why do you allow the fear to rule you? Josefin, life is based on faith/trust & adjustments. I cann’t always say, my way are correct. Sometime, we have are right..let’s go ahead with your opinion..we need that attitude. Anyway, Josefin, I encourage you to put your trust on Jesus.

    Father God,

    I commit Josefin in Your hand. Lord, help her to trust in You and You remove all fear from her life. Lord, guide them and bless. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Susan says:


    I don’t know how can you trust people like this? My simple and plain advice is that, you have a long way to go and you cannot play with your emotions all the time. Be serious and steady in your life, be focus. Commit your life to Jesus, if you are studying focus on that first, or if you are working focus and ask God to give you a right partner. AJ, you want to lead a happy married and family life right? You cannot waste your life/time with one persona and that too if you can’t trust what is the use. In the Bible in Matthew 6:33 says…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

    Let me pray for you.

    Father God,

    I commit AJ in Your hand. Lord, guide Your child and help her to put her trust in You. Lord, You bless AJ with a right partner at the right time. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

    AJ, I would encourage you to log onto,

    If you have any questions please let me know.

  • Susan says:


    Let me ask you something, why did your ex feels that way? Is there any incident which made him feel that you don’t trust him? Why don’t you ask him openly? If he feels like that this can cause lot of problems. Missa, I encourage you to commit this relation to God’s hand and ask Jesus to help you.

    Let me pray for you.

    Father God,

    Commit Missa and her ex in Your hand. Asking for Your will be done in this. Lord, draw both of them closer to YOu and help them to experience Your love in their lives. Thank You for hearing our prayers. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

  • Kathryn Kathryn says:

    Hi Missa, I am very sorry to hear about the misunderstandings and suspicion that has been going on in your relationship. It seems to me from what you write that you are doing your best to get things straight and asking God to help you is a really good idea but please remember, it is important to then listen to what He says, that may be the hard part, obeying God I mean. Do you understand what I mean about the fruit of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, self control, kindness, goodness, forgiveness etc? That is what Jesus wants His followers to put into practice and relationships can flourish. Please can you read this and each time you see the word “love” put your own name there instead. Try it Missa, I am sure it will help.

  • Missa says:

    I pray for God help!!!! My exs told me that he feels as if I did not trust him! I do trust him and I did.. This is keeping us apart so god plz heal my ex fears and take ways the feel that I don’t trust him! We do love each other but the wall for fear is holding him back I pray you help us brake that wall so we can move forward like we planned to! I know we’re we want wrong and I know we can fixs this help us lord we can’t do this with out you! We got this far and now I know what’s keeping us apart so now that’s face this and help him God thank you for all you have done so far I feel as if we get pass this step we can be hole again! In your time we can be in love with each other like we been fighting for help him let go of his pasted and help me to say the right worlds! I give him to you knowing that with your help we can start over and be happy again fill his hart with the love he has for me keep him way from all Temptations and all evil that’s getting in the way for our love for each other! God thank you for hearing my prays and being with me in this hard time I face with my love for my ex… Heal the trust and help him get over his fear of his past.. In jesus’s name I pray amen

  • Doris Beck Doris Beck says:

    It sounds like there are a lot of trust issues in your relationship that you are definitely going to have to work through when he gets home.Unfortunately once trust is broken in a relationship it takes time and effort to build it up again. You will need to communicate, communicate, communicate….which will take time since you have been apart and have a little girl in your lives as well.

    May I also suggest that you might want to talk to one of our online mentors who can walk this journey with you. They are free and confidential. Just fill out the form on this page and someone will email you

  • chriss says:

    I’m in a relationship that is not and my boyfriend have a daughter together and it seems that the moment I got pregnant he stopped caring about our relationship.hes in college so majority of my pregnancy he was gone he came to visit from time to time but it was not enough I didn’t have anyone to be there for me and give me the love I needed.when our daughter was born he was around for 8 months but mentally he was gone I felt really alone.after the 8 months he left to go back to school and IV been taking care of our daughter by myself.3 months have passed and he’s getting ready to come home for good .i thought I would have been happy about this but instead I’m scared.for some reason I don’t feel safe in this relationship anymore I don’t feel like he loves me anymore,he tells me that he’s sorry for leaving me alone and when he comes back things will be better but I’m not to sure about having a tough time trusting him and believing that he will change.i wish I felt safe but I don’t :(

  • Olami says:

    Dear Ruth such is life God will give u strong heart to take over the issue ,same thing happen to me when my girl friend travel to Egypt after some month she was snatch by other guy. Here I’am searching for real trust soul mate. Gonna appreciate if I found trust friend here . Whatsapp [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information]

  • Shelley says:

    Dear Father God.

    Lord I lift up nith me and pray that You will mend the broken hear ted and heal her in Jesus Mighty name Amen

  • ruth me says:

    I love my boyfriend but we are in distance relationship over 7month and I chosen only him to love,but he said that he did not trust me and I should not trust him. And he said him love me. Pls advice me I went to walk away.

  • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

    Hi AJ, You have to make a choice to trust him or not. It’s hard when you’ve been cheated on in the past but take a look at his behaviour. He was honest with you about this woman he was in a relationship with. He was honest with you and told you that she contacted him. He made a choice not to be in contact with her and he took steps to remove her from his life (he blocked on her Whatsapp). From what you’ve written here it sounds like he is acting in a trustworthy manner. Do you believe that he cares about you? Do you accept that you are worthy of love? Are you willing to risk trusting him for the reward of being with him?

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