Ways To Give

What Women Want: Listen with Your Heart

Written by Dr. Gary Smalley

1. Make and keep eye contact. Few things assure your loved one that you are listening closely more than making eye contact. Without making it seem like you are staring through her, lock your eyes on hers and listen to what she has to say.

2.  Cease all other activity. When your loved one wants to talk to you-when she has something very important to talk to you about and needs your undivided attention-make sure you can do it in an atmosphere free of other activity.

3. Let your loved one know you are being attentive. In addition to keeping eye contact, let her know that you are listening closely and attentively by acknowledging what she’s saying through head nods and other signs of attentiveness.

4. Speak occasional words of agreement or understanding

. While you listen to your loved one, it is good to interject words that communicate that you understand how that person feels. Simple statements such as, “I can see how you would feel that way,” or “I would feel the same way myself” can do much to communicate that you are listening with you heart.

5. Ignore all interruptions. Sometimes a man and his loved one need to get to a place where there is no chance they will be interrupted so they can just talk. When you take the time to listen with your heart, try to do it where you won’t be interrupted.

How women say men can become experts at listening with their hearts:

• Solve problems with me, not for me.”
• “Just listen. Give me a chance to voice my inner thoughts and feelings.”
• “Listen without offering unsolicited advice or blame.”
• “Teach me your problem solving skills.”
• “If you don’t understand what I’m saying, ask me questions.”
• “Offer feedback that says you understand what I’m telling you.”
• “Be compassionate as you listen.”
• “Resist laughing or mocking me in what I have to say.”
• “Offer me advice with humility.”
• “Use facial expressions and body language so that I know you’re really hearing me.”

6 Responses to “What Women Want: Listen with Your Heart”

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• Lorna Bartlett says:

  January 6, 2010 at 1:11 pm

  Good evening, Dr. Gary Smalley, I am able to use this advice as a plateform to bridge better communication with a female supervisor and male general manager. After I recieved a five day dismissal over a communication experience.
  At this time I wish to improve an open
  communication. I was invited to talk with them when I was hired. This, “closed experience”, tote me to shut up and get behind him. I must admitt,”I don’t get to speak up for myself and others often enough”. Please send a comment anytime concerning this matter.
• zach says:

  July 15, 2010 at 12:10 am

  Communication with women is far different than man to man communication especially to our love one. But never take advantage. The women are so strong in their heart but not physically. Good article you got here… simple & sweet.
  Bookmark & will come again.
• winher says:

  April 6, 2011 at 4:01 am

  Women are more emotional than men in general which makes it difficult for men to talk to them sometimes. It’s not all one-way traffic though, and women need to make an effort to understand the man too. After all, there are two people in a relationship and it needs to be balanced to succeed.
• Brenda says:

  June 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

  Great post, Dr. Smalley, and I agree with the comments: there is terrific advice given in the article, and relationships are definitely two-way and need balanced communication. Both the man and the woman in any relationship have got to give freely of themselves and not expect one partner to put more effort into the building or maintenance of the relationship for any reason.

  I appreciate all of the comments given, and I would like to offer anyone who would like to talk to a mentor in private the following link: http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor/

  By clicking on this link, you can get connected free of charge with a mentor with whom you can share privately who cares and will walk alongside you to talk and share your burdens.
• Larry says:

  July 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

  Well said. A woman has many wonderful facets, I’ve learned: understanding how to give her your undivided attention, lead, provide for, and protect, while showing her love, admiration, and respect. Is the center of all she wants? Show her these things and you will have a commitment for life.
• Andrew says:

  July 26, 2011 at 12:36 pm

  It is amazing what we learn when we are quiet and say nothing!

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