“Major” Changes: a College Student’s Choice
by Kim Buck
This summer I went rock climbing. As I tried for 3 hours to get to the top of the rock, I got discouraged a lot.
Many times I told my belayer at the bottom, that I wanted to come down. Yet she encouraged me to pick myself up and keep going. I persevered. But on the way up the rock, I was in so much pain and felt I couldn’t go on any longer. Although I was only about 10 feet from the top, I had to come down.
Just like my rock climbing experience, I had come to a turning point in my quest for a major, a career, a life decision.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved music. I sing and play several musical instruments. I’ve been in numerous musical events like church choirs, show groups, competitions, and even an opera.
Singing consumed me. It was what I did to prove to myself and others that I was good at something.
I had one goal in high school – to make the Texas All State Choir. However, I didn’t make it. Not seeing this high school dream fulfilled really killed me inside. I thought that I was worthless, and that my musical gift wasn’t worth much either. I planned to quit choir and not to major in music as I had planned.
But my voice teacher inspired me to persevere. I auditioned for a national voice competition, but didn’t even make the semi finals. Again, my belief in myself was killed. But, I picked myself up and got ready for my college music school auditions. I was accepted into my first choice school. I was back and felt like I could be accepted for my ability again.
But life at Texas Tech Music School wasn’t all fun and games. The people there were amazingly good. Many of them had a talent that I didn’t think I could ever hope to have.
One disappointment after another came. Not getting that part, not getting into the highest choir, being criticized by voice teachers, never measuring up to the others. But I kept picking myself up and trying again.
But I was tired. Tired of competing, tired of trying to measure up, tired of trying to prove myself. I had lost my passion for studying music, the only thing that gave me a sense of belonging and purpose. I didn’t know how to get back to loving music the way I used to.
After my sophomore year of college, I found my passion again. But it wasn’t in competing, or having someone tell me, “You’re great.” It was in a small group of people that I met on a summer missions project. As we got together to lead worship songs, God showed me why he gave me this musical ability that I had which was to sing praises to Him and to bless others with it.
My passion for music was back. But I was faced with a decision: to continue on as before and end up in the exact same place I did before this trip or if I didn’t, what would I do instead?
I began to examine my life, examine what I wanted it to be, to mean. What did I love? What were my goals? Where did I want to be in 10, 20, 30 years?
I didn’t have all the answers. But I did know a few things. I loved God. My main goal in life was to love God and glorify Him in everything. I cared about people, and wanted to affect people’s lives. Not just on the side, but as my life’s work. I still loved music, but something needed to change.
Now I’m looking ahead to a future to working for God full time.
I’m beginning a new major in Communications, a different direction than music for sure. I don’t know what will happen next or what decisions, choices or career changes may come in the future.
But this I am sure of: God is always with me. And He will guide me. Just because I had to take a turn in the road, doesn’t mean I failed. It means that God has something even bigger and better for me on the new road that I’m taking.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:11-13
Kim is a student of Communications and Music at Texas Tech University. Adapted from the author’s personal website. Used with permission.