Letter from a Father

Come to think of it, alone in your room isn’t really an ideal place to be. You feel like there’s possibly no reason for you to be left there alone with your thoughts, like there’s something more you have to do, or there’s something happening out there and you’re missing out.

That thought crossed my mind very clearly at the time, when I was doing exactly that, dealing with the isolation of my room. You’d be there too, if you just discovered that your best friend had just turned her back on you, and when your first love turned out to be so disappointing, and when all your other friends are doing perfectly fine with their romances.

No need to point out my loss and rejection to my friends, caring as they may be. No, all I wanted to be in was my room, with the raucous heart wrenching acoustic music that I considered soothing. As usual, I had the impulse to let it all out with as many words as I can write down.

Rummaging around my bag, I got out a piece of crinkled paper. It looked suspiciously like a letter. Then I remembered that it was from a youth meeting that I went to that I hadn’t gotten around to reading. So I took the chance.

The letter was addressed to “My dear child,” and I wondered whether it was really for me, because my Dad never writes me letters. But having started, I read on. It said that He wanted to drop me a note to tell me how much He cared about me. I was surprised to read the rest… how He has been watching me every moment of the day, wherever I went, whatever I had been doing… and He was just there, albeit unnoticed. He saw me talk to my friends, saw me sleep and wake up, then rush off to another busy day.

The realization that He witnessed practically everything I did made me feel ashamed somehow. But the next words brought me comfort. He said He kept watching, and yet kept waiting. He was always waiting for me to come talk and listen to Him, but I never came. And suddenly I understood what the letter meant.

Growing up in the Philippines in a wonderful and sheltered family, I always knew about God. My Dad would talk about God to all kinds of people, to friends or someone he’s just met, while my Mom taught me how I can talk to God in my heart.

I grew up in this God-loving home and I automatically took it for granted. For a little while, it was fun maybe, but as time passes it wears off. I knew I never really knew who that God was, and I never knew Him as I was supposed to – in a personal way. My life was all about me… there was so little time and so much to do, so many friends to talk to. All along I knew that I just didn’t want to admit that this God had become impersonal to me. He was a part of my family, but He wasn’t a part of my life.

And when I found out that He was still waiting for me, I was so amazed. I thought, had he waited for me every time I woke up to a new day He gave me, breezed through it and turned off the lights to sleep? Did He put up with me every time I forgot Him and brushed him away?

I realized how much I hurt Him, but the tear-stained letter told me otherwise-He still loves me because I’m His child. His love for me is bigger than the biggest need in my heart. And all He wanted was talk to me. And from that moment I got on my knees to say sorry, I did. And like what it says in the Bible, “If from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

Finding Him was like coming back to the waiting arms of a loving Father. He was no longer remote to me, but so much a part of my life and interests. He’s like a best friend to me now, and I couldn’t go through a day without talking to Him and letting Him know how I am or how I feel.

It feels so good to know that you’re not alone anymore. I know that He is the one who gave me newfound strength, confidence, joy and love. His love is without condition and will never disappoint me. Though I can’t trust people, I can trust Him because He never lets me down, even if I still do sometimes.

And that’s why I like it better when I’m all by myself in my room. I get to know Him more, talk to Him some more, read His words in the Bible more. That’s when I find incredible peace in my heart; I almost never want to be anywhere else. When you’re with Him, you’ve got no reason to be lonely.

Cherley is a student living with her family in the Philippines and collects “I love you” in all languages.