Deep thoughts – funny quotes about life from children
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Kids’ Deep Thoughts
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
–Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
–Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
–Age 8
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
–Age 10
Home is where the house is.
–Age 6
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
–Age 6
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
–Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower.
–Age 11
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up.
–Age 7
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
–Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.
–Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that’s five more than the biggest number you could come up with!
–Age 6
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
–Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close his or her eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
–Age 15
Don’t stick anything smaller than your elbow in your ear
You get a tattoo that reads “This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher.”
My favorite is
‘If I have a wife, I don’t think I’ll ever have sex with her, I don’t wanna be grossed out.’ and ‘I like to go to the dog pound and pretend I found my dog, but then tell them to kill it anyway because I already sold all his stuff. Pound people have no sense of humor.’