Ways To Give

Jackie’s Thoughts on Spirituality

Written by calvin

overcoming hurt | misconceiving God | my faith in university

My high school experience:

>As stereotypical as it may sound, I was painfully trying to find acceptance in the popular crowd in high school. I tried subtlety changing my attitude, behavior and appearance to conform to the group I wished to please. Eventually I came to see that this life of trying to have the "right" friends, music and clothes was expensive, demanding and empty.

>As I found myself in a social group that emotionally abused me, I grew in insecurity and became an emotional mess. As I learned of gossip that some of the girls spread about me behind my back, I was confronted with the superficiality of these unhealthy relationships. I hit a low point and felt I had no understanding or control over my life.

>Thankfully my best friend Jane remained the only true friend. She remained loyal even when I sometimes disregarded her friendship and chose other friends over her. She accepted me despite my weaknesses.

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Resisting God:

>I used to get nervous when Jane would bring up the topic of God and Jesus’ desire to be a part of my life. I felt that she was judging me because I thought that God was judging me due to my resistance of him. I used to think God was looking at all my mistakes ready to punish me. I remember lying by my bed asking God over and over "please forgive me, please forgive me." I grew up with a very religious-ascetic mindset. My conscience was stricken with a fear of God, but I did not know God nor realize that he is a loving, personal being.

Jane told me about how Jesus is like a life-saver to a person drowning in the ocean, if only that person chooses to believe that he can save them. The person needs to grab hold of and cling on to Jesus and trust he will save them. I knew I was imperfect and rebellious. I knew I needed to be rescued from all my imperfection and even my attempts at perfection. It took me a long time for me to realize that Jesus was the only one who could help me. I had to trust and depend on Jesus for my life.

>I’ve come to realize that God does not expect perfection from us because he knows we cannot achieve perfection by our own effort. I have a terrible habit of judging others and cutting them down according to my high standards. I judge others because I’m judging myself. But I’m learning that God no longer judges me because Jesus took all our imperfections on himself and allowed God to judge him so that we would not be judged. Jesus did this because he loved us, I don’t have to judge others because God doesn’t condemn me anymore. So this gives me freedom to love others and see their true value because God values them.

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Spirituality in university:

>God became more real to me when I was challenged to live out my faith in action and let him be a part of my daily life in university. My relationship with God influences the way I study literature and how I relate to my profs and classmates. My faith often comes up in discussions with other students as I take the many opportunities I’ve had to listen and understand their spiritual views, ideas and needs. I think the greatest calling God has for my life is to love to him by loving the hurting people he brings my way.

>I think that a personal relationship with God is the most important relationship a person could have. On a practical level God and the principles of truth in the Bible provide wise advice to help to us live fulfilled and meaningful lives. But on a spiritual level, knowing God in a personal way is the fulfillment of our destiny to be in close relationship with our Creator. This completeness we experience with our Maker brings wholeness in ourselves, and then overflows to our relationships with other people.

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More about Jackie . . .

Related reading:

• Questions about spirituality? Read our spirituality articles
• What’s your Spiritual Interest Quotient? Take our SIQ quiz and find out
• How you can know God personally
• Back to Student Profiles

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