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True love: what it is and what it isn’t. Find out if you’ve got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on “True Love 101″.
I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon….
All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That’s an important part, huh?
Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Vanilla Ice.” (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”
What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.
There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.
A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.
Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!
Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.
Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple’s lives.
Love isn’t sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.
Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.
Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.
The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.
People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.
We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.
TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?
Infatuation
Love
Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.
Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.
Tags: college, God, infatuation, love, relationship, sex, single, true
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I am 19 was in a 6 yr. relationship then 3 witht this guy who abused me several times..i am confused and not sure what to do. It’s like i hate to love him. but really i think its just an infatuation not true love..I think people should just wait to meat someone..and not go out adn look for it..just have fun and be your self and things will fall in to place..Take the right road don’t stop at no dead end!! Be stronger…
The answer is simple: leave him, period. People like that don’t change and he has absolutely no justification for harming you. Don’t stay just because your scared you won’t find someone else who’ll love you, because you will.
Ok arian
what you are saying is that none of that first stuff is love and all the second part is love
true the second part is love but not entirley
some of the first part is love
heroism for example is when you would give your life for the good of many people
what your saying heroism is, is pretty much giving your life for a stranger.
i doubt people would give their lives to people they “love” just to be a hero
and the luck part
showing someone off is not necessarily because you are lucky
i want to show off who i truly love and i know its not luck that i have them if it was luck i would not have them or wish to show them off
and thinking that they are gorgeous is not infatuation unless everyone thinks that they are
if others think they are ordinary and you think that they are gorgeous or everyone thinks they are ugly and you think they are gorgeous, its not infatuation, i think that the person i truly love is gorgeous and not because she looks good
ugliness and beauty does not necessarily have to do with looks, if someone is absolutely beautiful on the outside but they are complete dickheads then they are truly ugly, infatuation is when you like someone because you either cant have them or because they can have whoever they want and have chosen you
that is my opinion
well ive been with dis guy for a year alreadyy… and we been going on and off several times… ma friends be tellingq me dat dey have seen hym with different gurls… but he havent changed noting with me.. like everiting is da same.. idk who to belivee…
There’s always a bit of truth in idle talk. Look into your heart for the answer. Let it guide you in this situation.
There is not always truth in idle talk, people make up shit ALL THE TIME! And even if he is with other girls, they could be friends for crying out loud.
well dats true.. deres always shyt talkers…we fight everyday for wat ppl sayy… BUT WE ALWAYS GET TROW DA PROBLEMS
Why ladies hate guys hho tells them the truth
why ladies hate guys who tells them the truth
i must tell you that not all woman hate man,but the main fact is that woman love things of the world that the love they can give for human of their nature,they can only be driven away like a goat when they discover you have what they want not what they nneed.theres no truth to be told when they cant hav anything in you,dont be crazy woman they are so nice in preasure..thanks
my name is Blanca and i have expierence something called love!..
the name is Teresa well to start off..what is real love? bcuss i hear different thing from people say love is when u but ur life for them!! well that don’t really happen for some people../
love is a natural phenomina, making a strong bond between two persns
hi…i love a guy for 4 yrs..a relationship started as friendship and turned into love…but am afraid to get seperated from him..i dont like him going out with his close girl friend…though he does not feel tht way,i always think about him.afraid for temporary seperation for a period of 1 yr.i dont know whts my problem.
Close to 2 years ago I ended up asking out a girl(lets call her “Mel”) who I thought I loved in the first grade.( I am now 33 yrs old)
After the second month I told “Mel” I loved her and she answered by saying she loved me too.
We moved in together and decided to have a baby.
I thought I loved “Mel” and our new baby but less than a year into the relationship, I went out to a party, got drunk and woke up next to a young woman. We didnt kiss but I still woke up next to someone else. My g-friend dumped me but we worked it out and got back together. Ever since then I thought that I loved “Mel” even more.
About 9 months later I left town for a weekend and ended up meeting up with an old girlfriend who I didnt get closure with when we had broke up. (Although we didnt have intercoarse)So I ended up cheating on my g-friend(who I thought I loved)again. We broke up and a month later when I was lonely, I started to date a girl who had been my friend for about 10 yrs.
The whole time I continued to think about my ex girlfriend and our baby. I would sometimes cry and feel mad that I let them go so easy. I still felt that I really loved her.
Although I had a new g-friend I was still lonely and love sick for my ex and our baby So I ended up dumping my present g-friend and began to reunite with Mel. We are presently together and are happy although she has trust issues with me.
I thought about my life and my issues very deeply since our last breakup and I know with 100% confidence that I love her and that I would never cheat again. I thought I knew what love was but I never really felt it deeply. Since we got back together,I have figured it out because I almost lost her forever and i let love in my heart. Although I though I loved before but I just never felt these feelings until the 2nd time I cheated. With my heart,I forgave my Father and Mother for all the fights and neglect. I forgave my Dad for cheating on my Mom and I realized that LOVE and Family are the most important things in the world. I Truly feel it through out my mind, body and soul. I love my g-friend and children very much and I know with all the love in the world that I would never cheat on her again.
My whole life I had a hard time understanding love. I think its because I seen my parents fight and seperate many times through my life in which my Dad would cheat on my Mom. Love was tough for me to understand(because of my youth)and it really effected my life with my g-friend.
I can now proudly feel true love when I look in “Mel’s” eyes and when I look at my baby’s as well.
It took many years for me to be a man in love who respects love and family while showing, feeling and sharing love with pure joy.
My advice: Let go of your issues or at least understand them. Let them go and embrace the simplicities of life because those are the few things that are real and important in life. For me, I had to really understand myself and be honest with myself because I would never let love in my heart because I became scared of it, while watching and listening to my parents fight and seperate through my life. Its only until I exercised forgiveness and let Love in my heart that I was honestly in love more than ever in my entire life.
i think only GOD’s love is true…
nd wat u say that i love that girl / boy
that can’t b true..bcoz u love in them their qualities/traits/some features…wich u like
so u love their qualities not them.
true love can only b with GOD wich cant see ny conditions
True love is only found when that person finds it…
There are many different types of love- from sister to brother; as human beings; from parent to child; between friends; love of self; spiritual love.. Many myriad types and styles, even different depths of it. Love IS a decision- to put someone above yourself. Unconditional means that the love is so strong that it doesn’t even matter if it is understood or even returned. Love is WORK. Like anything worth having, it is worth working on to keep. Caring, commitment, commiseration, compassion, communication, construction (and many other C’s as well). Learning how to love well is both easier and harder than you can even imagine. If you want to have a friend, be one. If you want to have love, be loving. 1 Corinthians (esp. chapt.13) says it all. Love God. Love yourself. People will not be able to keep from loving you!
Me and my first love are both 17 and I was with him for 1 year and 2 and a half months before we broke it off due to “too many chances” and a slight love affair. I was the one who broke it off with him 4 times. When I wanted to come back, he refused. He stood his ground and said it was enough and he couldn’t take it anymore. I was so blind and I had no idea how much I had hurt him. I treated him unfairly in our relationship and I regret the actions I did.
In the beginning of our relationship: we were both independent, no jealousy involved, and we rarely fought. Even when we did, we would compromise right afterwords. Later, however, things somehow changed and it became all the listings of infatuation instead! I became needy and obsessed, I would always get jealous, and we fought almost all the time.
We were both very much in love but love wasn’t enough to save our relationship. It’s been 6 months since we’ve broken up and I still miss him. :( We both haven’t spoken to each other in 3 months. I’ve moved on and so has he. But instead of forgetting him, I miss him even more.
The distance between him and I made me change into a better person. I used to be very controlling and obsessive but very much thanks to God, I’m now free of those old habits.
I’d like to think maybe later, me and my first love will possibly reconcile and start all over again.
Helo frns i jst wana shar a special thing. Do u know wat n who is god. No. Bcoz dat is endles, no description. Love is also lik dat. Wen u lov to some one den plz give him ur endles lov n dnt wan any thng frm him. u wil definitely get ur true love. Plz nvr try to count or cmpare ur love. I m in lov wd my bst frn frm two yr n my lov alwaz vd me evn my lov parnts dnt wan our relatinship n my lov has left me alone bt i wil stil wait for my lov n i truly lov him. I know my lov wil com n if it wil not come back den i wil liv vd my lov memories n i thnk dis is true love.
sure the love of GOD is only true, right now am heartbroken after i found out dat my boyfrend impregnts anada lady. I still wont believe it coz i juss trusted him so much.