What is true love?
Has love left you confused? Talk to a mentor today.
True love: what it is and what it isn’t. Find out if you’ve got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on “True Love 101″.
I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon….
All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That’s an important part, huh?
Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Vanilla Ice.” (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”
What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.
There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.
A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.
Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!
Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.
Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple’s lives.
Love isn’t sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.
Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.
Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.
The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.
Is true love possible? Tell us what you think
People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.
We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.
TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?
Infatuation
- Sees the other person as perfect
- Wants to get own needs met; selfish
- Spends all time with the other person
- Quickly “falls” for the other person
- Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
- Dependence on the other person causes jealousy frequently
- Lasts for a short period of time
- Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
- Quarrels are serious and common
- Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship
Love
- Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
- Wants to serve the other person; selfless
- Still spends time with others
- Takes time to build the relationship
- Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
- Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
- Encompasses a long-term commitment
- Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
- Quarrels are less serious and less often
- Quarrels can strengthen the relationship
Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.
Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.
Join the conversation below or talk to us privately.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
Hey everyone! Im a shy person and I have a fetish for women’s feet. I dont know how to tell the women I’m dating but I want to tell them. I’m curently single and a songwriter. I fall in love scarcely but when I do it’s hard to stop. I believe that women are the most imporant people in a person’s life. I find it hard to find someone that loves me for me. If you want to chat with me in person you can find me on myspace. my username and display name is Jacob Thompson. If you have any advice on how I should tell a women that I love womens feet please tell me. Thanks. but only email me when you find me on myspace.(its my deepest secret and I would like it to stay that way) thanks!!!!!
Also, as a post-note, I do believe you should love a person before you have sex with them, but pre-marital sex isn’t a death blow to the relationship, you just have to be careful that you realize that sex is just an expression of love, not love itself.
You don’t need ANY religious crutch to live your life and that includes finding love. You just need to be realistic, not superstitious. Anyone of any race, ethnic group, creed, sexual orientation(esp. up here in Canada where rights are truly equal), can find true love. This part: * Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
* Wants to serve the other person; selfless
* Still spends time with others
* Takes time to build the relationship
* Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
* Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
* Encompasses a long-term commitment
* Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
* Quarrels are less serious and less often
* Quarrels can strengthen the relationship
is right, but the religiousness, of any kind, isn’t required.
I have found my soulmate. We know so much about what the other wants,desires and needs. Good and bad and in a short time have been through hell and heaven. That one person that you can’t get enough of but can trust to be themself. Now we deal with H.I.V. It could have been so easy to walk away but can’t.Theres a certain trust so deep and a committment to help and care for each other nomatter what. Yes we still laugh, kiss,hug, and talk. Deeper and more meaniful than ever. We are there for each other. Life is what you make it and so is Love. So be there and don’t give up on your lover for in real love you know the reward is far greater than sitting alone wondering why.
hi the applemy eyes
how are u?
i am iranian
but i dont speak english
have nice day
The behaviors that people exhibit are very important to human life. When two people make the decision to marry, human life can be positive or negative. When “true” love is involved, oh, yes, that’s so very important.
all i know that marriage is very important to human life
Thara–The chronology of age has little bearing on the relationship itself; this I’ve learned from experience. However, the differences between the two of you should be dealt with, accepted and/or let go.
i have written to u about my love with a guy younger to me by 15years. please reply me in my email at the earliest.
I fell in love when I was 16. It was that soul mate, worlds colliding, Romeo and Juliette kind of love. We broke up because we knew we were too young to make it last at that point. I am 24 now. We have stayed in close contact over the years and have never ever lost sight of the relationships goal, to one day be married until death. I am having inner turmoil due to the fact that I am not with my true love. This causes me to act out sexually, and with alcohol because I feel that I have been put on the sidelines until he is done sewing his wild oats. I know he loves me unconditionally, but I am still frustrated. I have no future with any man I meet, because I have already given away my heart. I found out yesterday that he is dating someone I know third party, and although I am not Jealous in the typical sense ( I know he sleeps with women), I am kind of at my wits end. I want him to make a decision about our relationship. I feel I deserve a commitment at this point. I deserve effort. What are your views on this relationship and it’s longevity?
well i been in some really hurtful relationships in the past, i finally thought i found the man of my dreams when i wasent even looking. and now the worst thing has happenened to me. its my worst nightmare some girl mite be pregnant with his baby. this has been taking over my life. I tell myself one min that this is the end of the world and i hate my self and then i cant believe i could allow myself to feel so down and hateful towards my life. I have stuck by his side. Which should show him alot. but we live an hour away from eachother wich can make things very hard. even though we see eachother 3 nights and 2 days out of the week..anyways my heart is hurting really bad. I am only 20 years old and has never felt this stressed out. I hardly eat that much. and i had to get anxiety medication from the doctors. cause i been having panic attack. I have reached out to the lord more then once in the past 2 months but for some reason i cant feel his spirit working in me. I go to church and get prayer constantly. I know gods love is all i need but i dont have it. How do i give the lord all of my heart? I know about forgiveness also thats why this guy is so lucky to have me still. Please i need some kind of direction. Thanks for reading
Thanks Harriet Sun for writing this article. I have learned a lot. Unfortunately, I have been one of those people who has been searching for true love. I believe I came closest to finding it a few years ago. And now thanks to you I must now come to the realization that only God can give me the true love I need. I must also remember that all humans are flawed. We all seem to get caught up in the here and now physical attraction and fail to do our home work. I guess if we really do want a lasting, satisfying relationship then we should at least spend some time trying to get to really know that other person. I’m a man and I do understand that sudden rush of excitement that we feel when we can first have sex with someone we just met. But sex should be for marriage. I’ve read many of the previous postings and would love to address them. Quite a lot of people seem to have forgotten that this discussion is about true love and not sex. As you stated : there are many unpleasant realities that can come with premarital or extramarital sex. As far as i’m concerned, there is no better sex than raw sex. And unless you are willing to have that type of sex with someone then you ladies should really think twice. Condoms do break, and is it worth getting a disease that can never be cured while the other person just leaves? And i’m sure it would be much nicer telling your child that you created him/her instead of that ‘it was an accident’. For the person who wanted to keep the Bible out of this discussion, how can I if i believe the Bible is my guide? For James Pierce : read 1 Corinthians 7. Cam I do believe sex brings a closeness only married people should have. But tell me: Do you really believe the guy is gonna tell you he’s fantasizing about someone else? I wouldn’t . Jessica : I know you said you had sex to feel wanted, but why would you want to be wanted by someone you don’t know? Ryan makes a lot of sense. Love is about others. Some of you ladies have said the best thing you can give a man is respect, loyalty, and honesty. Why do you think men prefer younger women? It’s a belief that they have had less sexual activity. And younger men like older women just for their experience… but they are not usually trying to marry these women. To find a real man who can say he has been with a virgin is rare. But very treasured is the experience. And for all who have been through countless pain from relationship experiences, wouldn’t it have been much easier to know that you only chose one. And that one was enough? Less baggage and less drama. If we all stuck to one person, there would be much less of a need to worry about when it comes to disease and it’s spread. This is probably why the Bible warns against fornication. So let’s learn to love God, so he can teach us how to love each other.UNCONDITIONALLY. That way we won’t love him/her today and hate him/her tomorrow. ‘Til death do us part.’
What is Love?
Do you love someone because you were kissed by him?
It’s not love, it’s inferiority complex.
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn’t love, it’s like.
You can’t keep your eyes off of them, am I right?
It isn’t love, it’s lust.
Do you love someone because you can’t live without their touch?
It’s not love, it’s lust.
Are you proud and eager to show them off?
It isn’t love, it’s luck.
Do you want them because you know they’re there?
It isn’t love, it’s loneliness.
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don’t want to hurt them?
It isn’t love, it’s pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn’t love, it’s infatuation.
Do you think he or she is really gorgeous?
It’s not love, it’s infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn’t love, it’s friendship.
Do you share everything with them?
It’s not love, it’s friendship.
Do you tell them that they are the only one you think of?
It’s not love, it’s a lie.
Are you willing to give all of your favourite things for their sake?
It isn’t love, it’s charity.
Would you sacrifice your own life for them?
It’s not love, it’s heroism.
If you love someone because you think that you shouldn’t leave him because others think that you shouldn’t …
It’s not love, it’s compromise.
Do you know you love them because you simply cannot live without them?
It’s not love, it’s dependency.
———————————————————–Does your heart ache and break, do you cry for their pain, even when they’re strong?
Then it’s love.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it’s love.
Do you accept their faults because they’re a part of who they are?
Then it’s love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it’s love.
Would you allow them to leave you, not because they want to but because they have to?
Then it’s love.
Could you live without them, content with knowing that they are happy?
Then it’s love.
Necole, if you need someone to talk with privately, a trained online mentor is always available to listen … please contact us at:
http://thelife.com/students/mentoring/
Why hasn’t anyibe ever tuly loved me?
FOR TRUE LOVE IS ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION.PEOPLE SHOULD GET TO UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER FULLY AND HENCE TRUE LOVE CAN BE A RESULT OF TRANSPARENCY.TAKE TIME TO STUDY SOMEONE FOR AT LEAST 4 YEARS BEFORE YOU GET IN TO THE HOUSE AS MARRIED COUPLES.
I have been in crazy and heartful love.I have loved to be in true love for long she could be taken as my mother.I still beleive in her up to now.Please help me maintain her!
I have found true love, and i was just checking around what people believe about what true love is i believe Christ is the ultimate goal for true love and i have agape love for my girlfriend i would die for her without a second thought and would give anything for her and i would do anything for her selflessly . I love her because i want to not because i hafto. We gave our virginity to eachother before marriage but I have read the bible and i see nothing that says marriage is reserved for marriage i see that God said he judges the motive of the heart and my motives were to show her my devotion and my trust in her to stay with me and her with me i showed her i love her and will stay with her forever we are both Christian and are saved. But i have never found a verse that says that sex is reserved for marriage please point one out to me if you can. We both are married to each other in our sight because we know we will be together forever.
i don’t agree with angela at all what i8 think is this the innate need of every humanbeing is to feel loved and to love back and if you are lucky enough to find anyone that fits the billthen u’ll be one of the lucky few but having sex before marriage messes things up big time cos there’s where distrust,doubt rear their ugliness if the object of interest gives you even the littlest of reasons to doubt his honesty,the small monster will become a very big monster and in time will lead to the collaspe of the relationship as you know it.if u can build on your trust,respect and unity and u have all that checklisted then there is no reason why you can’t get married instead of co-habiting and this is from my personal experience
Marriage in the sense that we know it is a fairly recent concept. If we’re taling about marriage in a christian church obviously that has only existed as a ritual for the last 1600 years or so. Or are we talking about a legally binding document which is signed at the registry office?
I think its fairly unimportant to be legally ‘married’ before you have sex. I have been with the same person for the last 8 years, we are in a loving relationship and have sex, however we are not married.
Also I dont think theres anything wrong with casual sex as long as its safe. What if youre not ready to be in a relationship? Sexual desires are natural and dont necessarily have anything to do with love.
I started a website, canyoudefinelove.com to try to figure this exact question out. Is there such a thing as true definable love, or is it all an undefinable emotion? Is it an emotion. I don’t know, and the more time I put into the site, I realize how much I don’t know about love. It cannot be generalized and it cannot be set in stone. Love is flexible, love is action. As one person put on the site, “Love never stops learning.” another is “Love is action.” or another “Love is doing more than talking.”
Quite simply, love is not about sex, this is a lie society has created. Love is not even about yourself. Love is about others, and doing whatever you have to do to make sure they are okay no matter the cost to you, even your own pain and heartbreak.
Love is…
No I’m not hopeless. It’s not just a question of free will when the women I like just aren’t available to someone like me. I think this is an extremely common (and frustrating) male predicament.
Maybe it’s different for women; when they’re young they’re in demand and all they have to do is to bat off the unwanted attentions…
What do yuo mean saving yourself against your will? Everyone has free will. What is someone forcing you not have sex. You sound like you have very low self esteem. Are you really that hopeless?
Okay all good reading and there’s been a high standard of debate… but what do you say to someone like me? I’m 59 next month, and have never had a relationship or coupling of any sort with a female. Yep, I’m a virgin. I’ve been ‘saving myself’ (against my will) for Miss Right all my life and she’s never turned up.
As a result even though I’m still lonely and frustrated, I’m now a hopeless case. For a start, I’m now so set in my ways as a loner I could never adapt to and live with anyone anyway. Secondly, by now I’ve become totally fixated on porn (thank heavens for the internet for providing some sort of release) and I would shy away from closeness to a real woman. And thirdly, like most men I only find younger women attractive. But although I may be ‘distinguished’, in truth I’m now well past my sell-by date for attracting such chicks.
It’s a hopeless situation. There’s plenty that’s fine and free about the solitary life but don’t talk to me about infatuation and ‘love’ and whether there’s a difference. These issues just don’t reflect my life experience. All there ever has been, is lust, frustration and disappointment.
i think people should not have sex before marriage unless your welling to be with that person for the rest of your life..my boy and i have not yet ..but we want to be with eachother for the rest of our lives..and im only 16 and in two years from now im getting married.to {my loving kind alex..}
I have to admit, I’m a bit uncomfortable with the insinuation in the article about infatuation being a bad thing; as far as I am aware, it is a beautiful part of the growth in a relationship.
I think, believe, comprehend that sex is a vital part to understanding a significant other in your life, and in part agree with waiting it out; however, I did not and I have no regrets; we are still together. It should be a personal decision based on the strength of the relationship and your own comfort with the action. I believe that society makes it harder for young people when all this judgement is thrust upon them. For example, when a young girl becomes pregnant the question posed to them is never “what help do you need?” it seems to be more “Why did you have sex?”
I also think that comments using religion should cease, as religion has to do with one person and one person only; yourself. A personal belief (which is what a religion is) should stop being presented as fact. “Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple” This statement is a belief, not a fact, and it should be labelled and written as such. I am not implying that either way is right, nor wrong, I simply believe their needs to be a balance so as not to degrade the people who may have made a mistake or a choice which differs from your thoughts. Not any-one or thing is wrong because he, she or it is different.
Having said that, I don’t believe sex should be a “past time”. Girls should respect themselves enough to only share themselves with people who respect them, and care for them. I have found that people who exploit their bodies often have feelings of discredit. They already feel ashamed of whom they are and they try to convince themselves of being needed through their actions. It is these people who confuse love.
Finally, I know love. It is difficult and painful, but worth every second. I can not begin to tell you what I have been through in this relationship; but when I’m laying in bed with his arms wrapped around me I know that everything has it’s silver lining.
Kayla I know exactly what you are talking about. My man & I argue all the time, sometimes its goes further than just an argument but I have this powerful feeling a want you might call it for him I always thought it was true love cause I could forgive the man for any wrong he did to me, but sister you gotta ask yourself this question & answer it truefully ‘ Is this what you really want in a relationship for the rest of you life?’
me and steven have been together for 3 months and we fight but at the end we still love each other and he means the world to me but i hope we get back together we just have anger problems and everything but were ment to be together so i love you steven bird honaker
LOVE ISz DhA BEST FEELiNG…..BUT WEN DAh PERSON DAT YUh LOVE HURTSz YUH iSz GONE BE DhA WORXST FEELiNG… !!!!! THANKZ GOD DAT IM STILL WITH DA MEN DAT I ALWAYSZ LOOKING FOR..:) CAMILA&&*SAMMY!!9908
Love is blind, is like a tree that needs 2 be watered all the time so in what ever u think about love, Love not out of need but out of the abundance of your heart. That is its true essence.
i love yuh sammy!!camila&&sammy!!(9908) baybeehh!!!:)<3
I agree with Ella. Sex isn’t binding. Sex is important in the relationship, feeding the sexual desires of one another. Sure, you can have a relationship without sex, but sex, as you get older, is very important. Closeness to another human shouldn’t be limited to those who are married. What next? Is it only to be shared between those who have been married in a house of God? This is absolutely ridiculous.
If you’re going to marry someone, you should TRUST them! Seriously, talk to your partner if you think that they’re going to fantasize about another session or another person or porn. If it’s that big of a deal, they will try to help.
I also agree with Jessica, saving yourself IS NOT the greatest gift you could give your partner. Treating them with respect, hoensty, and loyalty are the greatest gifts you can give them besides your love.
Having sex at the right time for yourself will not bring about shame or guilt. And protecting yourself to the fullest against pregnancies and STD’s is the best plan of action.
Seriously, I’m sick of all the whole God is right, save yourself thingy. You are right. If you think you should have sex, then do it [in a safe manner].
Sex before marriage is fine. “God” shall not smite you for doing it. And usually sex with a stranger is to feel wanted and have their needs met [IE: pleasure]. The best gift you can give a partner is repect, loyalty, honestly… things like that. Saving your virginity is a really lame gift to give to someone. Practically 9/10 people have had pre-marital sex. You’re not going to find the “Perfect” person who’s saved themselves just like you. I myself wanted to save myself, fell for someone, lost my virginity, and I don’t regret it. It sounds lame and desperate, but when I come home from a long day at work and I’m tired and upset, the best thing my partner can do for me is caress me and make me feel like a million bucks [via sex of course]. The release of feel good chemicals in the brain makes me feel so much better.
Saving myself was an incredible experience, no doubt about that. But giving myself to someone was also truely an amazing experience. My advice is to do it when you’re ready but do it in a SAFE manner. Use a condom.
I know I’m no expert on this, but times are changing, saving yourself for your “true love” is a thing of the past, seeing as finding your “true love” doesn’t really exsist [and the majority of couples get divorced within their first 10 years of marriage].
please try
I disagree with ella. Sex is binding. Studies have found that a hormone, oxytocin, is released when having sex. It creates a warm, happy feeling that allows the two involved to be emotionally intimate as well as the physical act. If you want to read more, there are several sites you can Google, or take a look at this site here: http://www.filly.ca/health/body/sexual_health/Oxytocin.asp
It’s not whether or not you will die if you have pre-marital sex… the issue is that when you have sex before marriage, it usually results in a closeness that only a married couple should have. Granted, there are many types of people. There are playboys(girls), common-law, and marriage seekers. If you were going to marry someone, wouldn’t you have an issue with them having sex with another person? What if they evaluate you with the other? Or fantasize about previous sessions, other women/men, etc? In a way, it can be said that sex has nothing to do with love. This is because loving someone doesn’t mean you need to have sex. But saving yourself for your future wife or husband, well, in a way, that’s the best gift you could give them.
I’m not going to say that I don’t understand, that sex is great, no matter if they’re love or not. But ask yourself how you feel after you have sex with a stranger. Some might feel that it doesn’t matter, but even the most notorious playboys will crave stability at one point or another and thus settle for a girlfriend for a while.
For those who wait, and find they don’t enjoy the sex, well… the couple can explore that together. Love is commitment. It’s being able to overcome the hardships and bumps in the road together. If you take your examples from the well-known television series, Sex and the City and you are refering to Charlotte and Trey’s marriage, you will notice that even though they had problems, they tried to work at it. Their eventual separation was because both gave up. I don’t know if one should classify this as selfishness, but eventually, Charlotte does get pregnant, although by her second husband.
I’d like to say for the record, that these are only my thoughts on the subject. I am in no way an expert, so please don’t feel threatened. Everyone has a different pasts and thus, have different views to the topic, and this is mine. Perhaps I’ve provided an point for discussion, albeit a long one. In any case, thanks for reading.
how to propose a girl to whom i liked much.
nice text, but you don’t die just because you have sex before you get married. that’s only ridiculous. sex is a really important part of a relationship, and what do you do when you waited til you’re like 30 years to loose your virginity just to see how much you dislike having sex with your partner? and for gods sake, you can do it with any stranger you want without getting pregnant or some disease, you know, USE A CONDOM? lol . sex feels good, and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with love.
just my opinion .
The definition of love changes over time. Certainly we think we are in love when we are 10, 14, 16, and older, yet our knowledge and wisdon is so different at each of those ages.
Things that seemed important in my relationships when I was younger, and even dating in my 20′s, took on much less importance we my wife and I had children, and one child developed autism. Suddenly our love, my love, was measured not by what was given to me by my wife, or by her responses to me, but more from watching her relentless dedication and commitment to caring for and working to improve my sons life. Challenges like this leave little time and energy to focus on a partner, yet that silent, so very deep, commitment to the other person gives you thr freedom to give your all for your child, knowing your partner is standing beside you the entire time regardless of if you have time for them or not…this is true love…
The movie “The Notebook” is the closest thing to both what we are experiencing, and what I feel is true love…its the undying commitment to be there for your spouse even if they are not there for you due to very extreme circumstances…whether it is career, health, children, family matters, etc…
I grimace sometimes when I see how naive I was to think that love is always the way you see it portrayed in the movies..I think lust, and passion, are transformed into deeper and more meaningful attributes and character traits as your get older and deal with more life experiences – assuming you start out with your true love…
please advice
First of all there is the biological laws , Lust,Love,Attachment. Lust to form the attraction so as to get together in the first place , love and affection to build an attachment to allow the couple to stay together long enough to rear children and to provide for the children until they are old enough. Thus any new relationship will have the powerful narcotic “love” to help insure the attachment .once this very powerful drug called love wears off , is when the relationship has its problems. To me , TRUE LOVE is not this very powerful attachment drug called love but a true bond between two very compatable people. Not compatable in the sense that they have similarities but the ability to truly tolorate one another in everyday life day after day aftr day. True love is when you will; never cross your partner and at the same time never compromise your self , and to find somebody like this will be very difficult but quite rewarding !
KATLIN please please understand what I am about to say is not to intentionally hurt you… Its just that you should JUST MOVE ON AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE YOU ARE BETTER THEN THAT AND HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!!
kaitlin: you should think to yourself and figure out if he was the perfect guy for and if he is then find out if he is reall worth the long two hours apart from one another..
The definition of true love is up for debate. No one knows the definition of true. No human at least. Everyone has there own opinion on what they think is true love. To me, there is no true love! Society has always been a power struggle, including love. Think of your relationship with your kids, parents, and so called ‘loved ones’. There’s always a presence of power being enforced and suppressed. It’s funny that the person who made up the term “True Love” never provide us with the definition.
Anna: There more things to do in life than focusing on a relationship. Maybe school is one of them. Most people that turned 18 had not been in 6 relationships. Are you really so desperate to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. You’re still young! How do you know that what you want in a relationship won’t change over time. Why do you think many people go through divorce? It really takes time to understand and think critically about what you really want in life. What you want in life as a 18 yr. old will change when you get older. Instead of hopping in and out of relationship, I think you should think over why each of those previous ones failed.
Hi I feel like I’m 40 or 50 and going through a mid life crisis! I’m only 18 and been in 6 relationships. I been in and out of relationship since I was 15.I just brook up with my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 7months and once again I fell lost lonely hurt sad and confused had to end it cause I felt and we wanted and needed different thing out of life and besides that I kept having dreams of us fighting and breaking up and me in a relationship with a different man and then lately I’ve also been getting this gut feeling that he’s not the one for me and I need to let go! I just want to know if its normal for me to feel this way at my age and be going through all this stuff! what should i do with my life!
jelly and ally, thank you for writing to us. It’s often better to discuss these sort of issues privately and confidentially. If you’d like to be matched with a mentor who has experience with these sorts of issues, and talk privately by email, please click below:
http://thelife.com/talk-to-a-mentor/
i need help. please reply. please.
If I love one man, I think he loves me too, but might be he do not know what is true love, he is confused on infatuation and love, shall I lead him what is true love? I really do not know how I could do. thanks!
Kaitlin, thank you for taking the time to share with us. It is a very difficult situation that you’re in, and one in which you’ll need careful discernment and prayer to guide you.
For this sort of issue, it can often help to talk by email to one of our online mentors. It’s free and confidential. You’ll be matched with an appropriate mentor who can guide you in your journey through your email conversations with them. If you’re interested, please visit this page:
http://thelife.com/talk-to-a-mentor/
I have been in a relationship for over 4 years, but it has been off and on. There was a point in time where he had loved me, but then he stopped telling me, and when I would tell him he wouldn’t say it back. I moved last year away from him, so now we live 2 hours or so away from each other. The distance makes it very hard, we hardly see each other, and I don’t want to lose him. So what do I do?
I need advice, please reply.