What is true love?
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True love: what it is and what it isn’t. Find out if you’ve got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on “True Love 101″.
I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon….
All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That’s an important part, huh?
Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Vanilla Ice.” (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”
What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.
There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.
A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.
Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!
Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.
Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple’s lives.
Love isn’t sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.
Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.
Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.
The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.
Is true love possible? Tell us what you think
People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.
We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.
TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?
Infatuation
- Sees the other person as perfect
- Wants to get own needs met; selfish
- Spends all time with the other person
- Quickly “falls” for the other person
- Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
- Dependence on the other person causes jealousy frequently
- Lasts for a short period of time
- Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
- Quarrels are serious and common
- Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship
Love
- Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
- Wants to serve the other person; selfless
- Still spends time with others
- Takes time to build the relationship
- Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
- Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
- Encompasses a long-term commitment
- Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
- Quarrels are less serious and less often
- Quarrels can strengthen the relationship
Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.
Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.
Join the conversation below or talk to us privately.
So, how’s your love life? Do you need to talk? Either contact us privately by filling out this form and one of our mentors will contact you or make a comment about this article below the form.
i kno how ya feel cuz i been in a long distant relationship but it didn’t work out cuz i wanted to be close.
I need help cuz i dun eva wanna get married or have kids and i feel bad about it
Dear Confused,
I don’t think there is a way to measure how much someone loves someone. It takes a lot of work to be in a long distance relationship so to put effort into a relationship means he does care. But sometimes maturity plays a role in the choices people make. It sounds like you are mature and know how to behave in a relationship. But one thing I know for certain, we can’t make someone act the way we want them to, we can only change ourselves and how we react to things. I recommend that you talk to someone and get help for your issues, we offer free and confidential mentoring and if you want I can get you connected with a mentor. Just let me know if you would like one by leaving a comment and I will get you connected.
Sincerely,
Leah
I am confused as I dunno if its love or just infatuation.
My bf and me are in different countries so we cant meet.
I often gets jealous when he’s playing online games with other gals because mostly, (1)they are alone in game, (2) he often teases and makes fun of them, (3)he gets closer to them.
I thought that it should be normal when i care about these things?
Even though its an online game, but the feelings developed through there is real.
I feel hurt when he told me, that’s what he likes to do and what he wants to do.
And he doesn’t wants me to care about what he does there.
He knows i dun like it but still continues to do it.
does this means that he doesn’t love me at all?
Love should be accompanied with care right?
If you don’t care at all, means you don’t love at all right?
I care about the things he does, and makes sure I don’t do things to hurt him like flirting with other guys, alone with other guys and so.
He worries about me being with other guys.
So i’m really confused as to how to handle this relationship.
Please help.
Sometimes i Long for SoulMate
other times i just wanna be alone
I have a Busy Life and really don’t
wanna be bothered. I plan on going to Medical School
Making some good money
Buy myself a House & a Car
then i’ll think about Marriage and all those things
I Love my space, i Love my freedom
Temptation is really something
It’s sad that today, You Have men and Women
willing to risk they’re love life just to be with someone else
what is the point in getting married or a serious
relation but to only go after another person.
If you’re gay and like someone
maybe you should go tell them
and not the people on the internet
it’s nothing we can do about it
Bosslady
nabakumar: go and tell her i hate you like you
im girl & i love another girl & she know but she dosen’t want to tell me WHAT I DO ?
I love a girl. she says she hate me. she love another person. i still remember her. i feel good remembering her memories. but get pain when i fail to contuct with her. i fear her. i am keeping her in my mind from 7 years. still i like to remember her and like to get pain. i have her email address,phone number but she bother to contact her. i like to she her updates in orkut. but now she not changing her updates. i am now energy less.what can i do?
Love iz wen ya don’t giv up on it
Love iz faithful
Love is when both the eyes meet, when you can feel the chemistry in a room and when the feeling of love spreads like perfume
love is something u can neva get tired giving it is so caring and honest…….it doesnt conut any wrongs or want revenge if it does that is not love it is hatred
@Sky
think love manifests in diff ways for diff people. I married the love of my life whom I was crazy about. Now I have seen his flaws, I still love him and I am proactive in making him overcome the ones he can. Love is not just about being crazy about a perfect ideal person cos everyone’s got flaws. If you love your spouse thru their flaws you can grow into that ideal…
I RESPECT WHAT YOU SAY CUZ, NOBODY PERFECT. I THINK UNDERSTANDING IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT. SOME PPL LIKE TO HAVE SPACE AND OTHERS RATHER BE ALOT MORE CLOSER BUT I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT TO HAVE A BALANCE
@matthews masuhu
Thatz sum real Spit
There was a time i was in Love with this Guy
I thought it was something real
But then i thought about Long-term
and i changed my mind like H3LL NOOOOOOOO
i didn’t like his attitude, thought he was selfish
and our goals just was little too far off
let us not try to find love my friends.let us let love find us..may love see you today.
love never end haert.in good and bad time is always there….at time we see people that we jast like and we endup saying that we are in love.you see when tou love one or when like one you get a same feeling of joy.i think when one says he or she is in love.ask yourself if you can be with that ‘my love’ when times are not good
If we not to court this Life
Maybe the next 1
I Love you so much
I think love manifests in diff ways for diff people. I married the love of my life whom I was crazy about. Now I have seen his flaws, I still love him and I am proactive in making him overcome the ones he can. Love is not just about being crazy about a perfect ideal person cos everyone’s got flaws. If you love your spouse thru their flaws you can grow into that ideal…
as we can’t see love.a feeling tell us when one is in love,but that don’t mean that love is a feeling.love is seen at actions that one is devoted to.noe can love his/her job and suruly he/she will devot to that job.so to man and a woman.TRUE LOVE GIVE IT’S ALL
i love adi…. he is my true love…. even he luvs me alot… v r made for each other,…. luv is amazing when it is true…….
True love is understing, sharing, kindness and beliefing. love is very soft. so we hold on softly. if U love loving, loving will love U. lets go to real love. we must obtain real love. OK?
have sex
Oh Wait, i forgot to put my name on here: Bryneen Gary
pOetiQ rOses Publishing
ya Dig productionz
We In here!
yo, these posts in here are really deep
makes me wanna hold up the writings that
put together a puzzle
before i leave, me be sooo Buzzay!
Love is what keeps me going.
Love from Spiritual Family, who are friends
people who come into my life with Joy, peace
It’s also alot of Love, an invisible Hug
When I learned to focus on loving myself, that’s when i realized
what i was truly Missing. That’s when i found Love again.
As a matter of fact, love is my favorite Subject. I don’think it’s all about just being in love, But the feeling, emotion, thoughts, Flame. Your Twin flame. i always thought you could Only have One SoulMate. Or maybe other times i thought a past mate was a Soulmate. That deep gratifying Connection.
Lotz of love.
I sometimes think, we have more than one soulmate. I’ve experienced Some intense Deep love in My life and even to the present. it’s a Spiritual Experience, that’s one of the things i Love about it. Some people loOk at me crazy. Love is very Powerful
True Love is Hard to find or when you think you found it
a diff picture appears
I dont blame her for marrying another man, I believe she thought she will never meet the guy and the right thing to do was to move on, not knowing that true love comes once in a lifetime. The guy also tried to move on by enganging other yet calling off those engagements. Am happy they finally found one another…
love is missing……. if u love truely, and if a situation comes like missing them, u cant bear that even a single drop…. love is tears… not the tears coming when it fails…. tears coming for not to fail…. a guy shows equal value to everyone of his girl frnds……. dut shows a special care and affection to a girl means, she is the TRUE LOVE….!!!!!!!!!
@jokin
Umm, i never judged her
I just asked a couple questions
I can relate to her and what she’s saying
since her story is similar to mine
she could easily give me insight
also, people who judge others and then criticize
the one who judges, is no better than the one they talk crap about.
I respect what any and everyone has to say
regardless, of what another person may assume
Thank You
I’m intrigued by Poe’s comment. Sure we can judge her harshly and say she shouldn’t have married when she had those feelings for someone else. But she probably thought the feelings would go away. Infatuation does not last, as anonymous states, and how do you know the difference? I like the checklist above, because I used it to get a grip on my own situation, which is not ideal. You sometimes can’t make yourself not love someone. You can’t just wait it out. It may never go away, and then what do you do? Today is the first day of the rest of your life, your story, your movie. How is it going to end – happy or sad? I think people who pretend to have all the answers are among the most lost.
I dated a guy for about one year. We would tell eachother that we love eachother every day. We would text and be in contact every day. We talked about moving together. He would tell me `I want to walk up to you every morning`. I was so in love. He bought some stuff for our new apartment. We looked at apartments together for 3 months. At first he was in to it, but then he started saying he had no time to come look at apartments.
I ended up finding one for us. Later I found out that he had a new girlfriend and that he did not want me anymore.
But every time i saw them together they did not look in love.
I still love him and think about him often. Its been 6 months. He told me a while ago that he had been stupid when he found that other girl. That I was his true love, and that he was sorry that he did not see that before.
Now I go to school in a different country, but all i want to do is fly down and be with him. I wanna kiss him, hug him and her us laughing like before :(
i also have a love story … it’s kinda complicated .. i don’t know what will happen to us like i don’t know weather we will be together or not in future … i want you all to pray for me as i love him alot and he loves me too but he is kinda arrogant and has broken my trust before now i don’t know how to trust him again
there is nothing callec true love.its just a sexual attraction in short infatuation.its just fun and frolic or u can say use and throw.true love is all balls,bullshit and utter nonsense.
well i think im love but idk if he qot the same feelinq towards me because he dont really show it.. but like somebody said when u love someone u dnt expect them to love u back.. i dnt qet it i quess im younq still to knw what really love means .. i juz need to think and qrow up a lil more.. loll….!!!!
i av aproblem i don kno wter its love or not…me and a guy is in relation for two years..we are vry open to each other like friends..we kiss each other,,,feels jealous wen de other z with other person..bt don kno wter its just a friendship or love??
Sorry POE. My comment and poser were for the person who left the husband for another man and called it love. The presentation was as if you made the comment. Your question in caps is quite okay. God will grant you to have a friend who loves and will love you always.
@ eno emmanuel
i dont see my comment
this system actz a lil weird
but i’ll just repeat it again.
That wasn’t my story
at the bottom there
i wrote in caps
questions to the person
who left her Husband for another Man
thx
Love is a two way street
Not One
You can love someone all you want
but if they love you back
then whatz the point
sometimes looking for Love won’t bring the desired results
but when you savor it for the unexpected and univited
it all works out to full benefit
those are my thoughts
eno emmanuel
NO, YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG LOL
someone else wrote that
as you can see at the bottom
i wrote the questions in CAP
I am not Married and wouldnt leave
my spouse to be with someone else
@ eno emmanuel
good thought, i like it :)
True love is loving a fellow not expecting him to love you in return.
As the bible says: for God so loved the world and he gave his one and only son..we didn’t give anything in first place to God for him to give us his son but he so he loved the world….love others as you love yourself…in relationship if people can love each other as he or she can love himself these people will build a strong relationship…love doesn’t hate or hurt but care
The comment of PoE leaves a sad feeling in my mind. If indeed there was the kind of love as expressed on paper, then there should have been a waiting for true love waits.
Why marry someone who loves you and you dont love the man but you love another person somewhere?
What now happens to the man who loved you enough to marry you now that you have gone to live with another man? Love is patient, love is responsible and love never hurts one man to please another.
i know what true love is, here is my story: i met a handsome man 18 yrs ago. we fall in love the first day we met. I was just 19, he was 25. Our love has always been a distance love but it never changed the way we feel for each other. First he lived 700km away from me, I was at University and he was working as a Doctor. we dated for 4 years. Evrytime we met, it was like first time, we will look at each other eyes for a long time and just be together. He has a dream of becaming a specilaist surgen, he went to live in another continent so that he can achieve his dream and because i love him , i thought it will be selfish of me not to let him go.the day he left, we both cried so much , declared our love for each other and we both knew , it may be the last time we might see each other. we kept communicating and at some pont we lost touch
So we went our seperate ways, we though this was nt meant to be. I found a very kind man who really love me and i got married. But i never really stop loving that guy, i think about him all the time, all the time. I will lie awake in the night,& dream about him all the time. I tried to forget him, take him out of my mind , went for counselling but i couldnt stop loving him. for years i didnt hear from him at all but my love was still there , so strong.
I after i was sure , 10 yrs late, it was really true love, I didnt want to die without seeing him and telling him how much i love him amd how much his love keep me alive. i decide to risk everything , my marriage , my job . i took my savings and went to look for him. I found him and guess what he was also still in love with me. Guess what, he was still single .He felt exactly the same way, have called off his engagement 3 times and he say he felt he never really fell in love since he last fall in love with me long time ago.
we still live in different continent but now we see each other more often.. we just know , we truly love each other, we trust each other. WE are soulmate. when the other is nt felling well u just know. we finally decided few days ago, we need to be together for eternity….. we will be living together and then ….rest is in God ‘s hand
WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE MAN WHO LOVED YOU (Husband)?
OR DID YOU REALLY LOVE THE MAN YOU WERE MARRIED TOO
^^^^^
The Best things in life are worth waiting for
especially Romance
B.G
I never get who i want
the ones i develop lots of love for
I don’t even care if a find a soulmate or not
i’ll problay walk right pass them
cuz i waited too long
love aint love if you not receiving it
so therefore, i dont care
My “True love story”
I met D.A.M. via the “Fish” at a coffee shop + we had an immediately connection. We continued our meeting at a resturant. The relationship was amazing, we were each others best friend, the sex was cosmic, the arguments were intence. Over time with work the arguments were less frequent and were fairer. We worked at it and it was just great. We talked about everything nothing was exempt. We talked about marriage, her parents or parent eventually living with us, her children, our dreams and asperations.
After almost 2 years the end was a result of us not talking. Due to time constaints I would see her 3 or 4 times a month a result of her getting the children 24/7 and her univercity courses. We parted ways.
Over the next 14 months I dated a few women and one in particular who was just a sweet heart. We dated for awhile and eventually she had fallen in love with me. I had not fallen in love with her so I ended the relationship. We remain friends.
Soon after that D.A.M. sent me an email, we met for a walk and chatted. I was thrilled to be with her and her with me but she was in a relationship with another man. We have talked about why our relationship ended as it did, what we both could have done different and so on. She has told me that she loves me but only cares for her new guy. We gone on hikes and other things. When we are togther the world feels right, we feel right.
Since we met back in ’07 there have been numerous coincedences that have happened to us, too many to mention(devine intervention comes to mind) but I will say that it all seems to suggest that we should be together.
While she was with the new guy she has told me she often thought of me and even went as far as to look for me at a concert(we had talked about going if the group ever came to town).
So here I wait for the woman of my dreams(I actually dreamed about her before meeting her!). She is having a tough go at it with her going through menopause and an idiot of an ex. I do believe we are meant for each other as I have never felt this way before. We are soulmates and this is true love.
if true love ends, it is love in the first place?what does it mean?
love in tennis is zero…
1st U feels u that he is only for u and then after he will be disapper from ur life, in this case what is your reaction?