What is true love?

    Written by Harriet Sun

    Are You Truly In Love_PTC_ArticlesHas love left you confused? Talk to a mentor today.

    True love: what it is and what it isn’t. Find out if you’ve got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on “True Love 101”.

    I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon….

    All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That’s an important part, huh?

    Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Vanilla Ice.” (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”

    What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.

    There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.

    A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.

    Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!

    Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.

    Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple’s lives.

    Love isn’t sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.

    Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.

    Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.

    The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.

    devo-interact-icon-42x42Is true love possible? Tell us what you think

    People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.

    We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.

    TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?


    • Sees the other person as perfect
    • Wants to get own needs met; selfish
    • Spends all time with the other person
    • Quickly “falls” for the other person
    • Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
    • Dependence on the other person causes jealousy frequently
    • Lasts for a short period of time
    • Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
    • Quarrels are serious and common
    • Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship


    • Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
    • Wants to serve the other person; selfless
    • Still spends time with others
    • Takes time to build the relationship
    • Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
    • Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
    • Encompasses a long-term commitment
    • Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
    • Quarrels are less serious and less often
    • Quarrels can strengthen the relationship

    Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.

    Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.

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    400 Responses to “What is true love?”

    • Chuck says:

      I heard this on the radio this morning and thought it spoke of true love.

      In the book Mortal Lessons (Notes in the Art of Surgery)
      Dr. Richard Selzer writes:
      “I stand by the bed where a young woman lies, her face post operative, her mouth twisted in palsy, clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth has been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon has followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh. I promise you that. Never the less, to remove the tumor in her cheek he had to cut the little nerve. Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamp light isolated from me…private. ‘Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, so greedily? The young woman speaks. “Will my mouth always be like this?” she asks? “Yes,” I say, “it will. It is because the nerve was cut.” She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. “I like it,” he says. “It is kind of cute.” All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works.

      If you would like to hear it go to http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/radio.aspx
      and listen to the July 19th broadcast. This is just a tiny excerpt.

      I am not trying to endorse either David Jeremiah (although I do like his messages) or Dr. Richard Selzer whom I’ve never heard of before this morning. I do endorse love and it takes a lot of work and commitment on both parts.

    • Bernard Bernard says:

      Yes that is it! When you work on your self you have no time to work on your partner and judge him or her. In this way you are loving yourself as well as your neighbour ( Love your neighbour as you love your self) Thanks Mark that is good insight that you have. God bless you

    • Marc says:

      Your lover needs always come before your
      own. This is simple and should never be

      We often ask why there is
      so much pain with love, however
      we never ask why there is so
      much hapiness.

    • Marc says:

      Love is knowing your you are not perfect nor is your lover. Consistaintly working on
      improving your self and being true to your self at ALL times.

    • Zisu Mukherjee says:

      Dear Sir

      Why my today’s comment has not posted here?


    • Zisu Mukherjee says:

      Dt – 30.06.2011
      Love is always new. No definition can touch the love, all definitions are create from daily life of human Bing, love is love

      “We are mariner has not yet dread to go,
      We will risk the ship ourselves and all.” – John Done

      “Amra jabo jethay keo jay ni neya sahas kori
      Dubi jadi to dubi na keno – dubuk sabi dubuk tori.”- Rabindra Nath Thagor

      A great lover, also his all life is full of dedication. Love always aspect dedication, so it is not the easy thing. All excuses are the different part has no relation with love. – After touch the true love a man feel that he would touch the Gods heart, so love is not the creation of man, by birth it is continuing through a man to the earth, what is the reason to balance in the earth between every thing, it is the mysterious, we are known to satisfy our knowledge through the name “NATURAL” – also love is natural , and a special birth always spread the more love to the earth and touch the God,
      Journey of a man from Man to God – By Love – (Lord Jesus)
      By Love (Swami Vivekananda), By Love – (Ramakrishna), (Gautam Budh), – Mans are great (true lover) lover in the earth.


    • john says:

      Love is based upon trust

    • Andrew says:

      Zisu the true definition of love is found in 1 Cor 13:

      1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

      4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

      8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

      11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

      13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

      Many times in our lives we try to define the undefinable when all we have to do is look at his word and he will show us what Christ love is like and not worldly love.

    • summight says:

      love is based on how one relates with his/her crerator and partners, even to others

    • Zisu Mukherjee says:

      Dt – 21.06.11
      1 Love is not theoretical matter it is like – ray of sun, blowing air,
      Essential like food in our daily life. Love builds a child to a man, love develop the humanity, when all subjective matter refused by us than love create a new life. Every thing can do after suffered by love, otherwise nothing, it is the only matter differ a man from an animal.

      2. Suddenly a child told – ‘oh mother’
      Mother replied – ‘yes’
      Child – ‘no’
      Mother – ‘something you want to talk’
      Child – no mam, no! Nothing.
      Mother – spread a Devine simile.

      Yes without reason some time we are cald mother,
      When beloved called his lover without reason – than we are able to touch some true love.


    • MASRURA says:

      love is the most beautiful feelings in the worid!i hope i m in love(not sure)his name is MONIR.I M FAN OF SURESH RAINA .AND MONIR IS JUST LIKE HIM BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THatI LOVE HIM.MY BAD LUCK…..

    • Claire Colvin Claire Colvin says:

      Julius – Don’t let a love gone wrong convince you that love does not exist. It does. Yes, sometimes relationships fail and it hurts, it really hurts, especially if you are still in love when your partner decides that they are not. It can be devastating. But true love does exist, I’ve seen it. There are people who stay married and in love for 40, 50, 70 years. If you find the right one love can last a lifetime. It sounds like you might have been hurt by love recently. Would you like to talk to a mentor? It can help to have someone walk with you through a difficult time. All you need to do is fill out this form and a mentor will contact you privately, by email, usually within a couple of days.

    • julius says:

      there is no true love cause why should one break off if there is true love. girl or boy might act in relationship but as time goes he or she dump off the relationship.

    • Doris Beck Doris says:

      Very wise Sayan…..in order for it to be true love you definitely need to be a one woman man as you put it!! Well said!

    • Sayan says:

      From the perspective of being ready for love, let me tell you, if you’re sensible enough about urself, ur wants etc. you’ll urself be able to understand whether ur relationship with ur counterpart is going towards real love or not. And let em tell you, for that u’ve to be a one woman man,unless the concentration just spills apart, goes here & there all the time. IF u aim to be a flirt or act a spoilt brat, that’s ok, but for true love, be a one woman man.

    • Shelley says:

      Love! Big Word! isn’t it?
      To love someone is to love God first in our lives.
      If it is meant to be He will provide you with a mate.
      It says in scripture that Love never fails, but to me it is the people who fail and that is you and I.
      The Love chapter in corithians 13 tells it all.
      I pray that you will be wise of how to approach the love that you want and not play around with it.
      It is an important subject.

    • anish says:


    • Leah says:

      Dear Sarathy,

      Who are replying to? Doris or the explanation in the article?


    • sarathy says:

      I does not accept the explanation about the love given you are lying.

    • Doris Beck Doris says:

      wm, that’s definitely NOT love….more like lust. And asking your boss out is never a good idea. Mixing work and relationships is a very risky business.

    • Big bang says:

      Well i am a 19 year old girl who met a guy from the web …
      we both like each other but never meet each other IRL and every times when we talk it feels like we have a wall between us … do you have any tips how to remove our wall?

    • Shelley says:

      Love! I mentioned before that Loving God comes first in our lives. If it is god’s will that you have a mate then He will provide one for you. We must first SEEK His grace and love the Lord with all of our heart, soul and strength and he will take care of the rest.

    • Bernard Bernard says:

      Well wm, not actually love. First of all you don’t know the guy and if the guy is your boss…no it would not be a good idea. Whether he is your boss or not it would still be lust and not love. True love put the other person’s need before our own and makes sure you go about the right way.

    • wm says:

      i am attracted to a guy i work with and think about him including sexually all the time. is this love? should i take the risk of asking out my boss?

    • jack says:


      you must realize that she is already someone’s girlfriend. if she is happy, you must sacrifice your desires for her, because she is already in a relationship. you should not break relationships apart for your “love”.

    • Taylor says:

      My friends girlfriend is the girl of my dreams. She cares so much about me but wont break up with him. Shes all i can think about. Every time i see them in the hallway together my heart drops and i cant breathe. i dont know what to do?

    • haps says:

      My love for my husband blinded me to the extend to the extend that i still love him after all his infedilty and lies ,abuse and violence.I still cry for him to change his ways and be the person I knew 17 years ago.May Allah (God) grant me my wish. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME .He was my first love.

    • sheeba Last Name says:

      love moves in mysterious ways……:=)

    • Wyler says:

      love endures all things, despite the difficulties that come with life, its expressive in what you do and say, it is consistent. true love never ever gives up perhaps that is why God is always refered to as love because he never gives up on us.

    • Bernard Bernard says:

      I think true love comes from God but He puts it in people’s heart and you know when that true love is shown to you because there are no string attached and it’s free and gives you freedom to be yourself. You know who loved you with true love. It left a mark in your life and you sometimes hold on to it for years. God bless you all

    • Shelley Anderson says:

      Love! God is Love! He gave us Love to cherish and to behold. It is what you do with love for Him and for others in our lives. We need to be wise with out love for others, especially the opposit sex and also when we are very young. We need to seek God’s wisdom in this matter. He created Love for one another and we should honour and obey it fully.

    • m says:

      I love you Tommy. To be so frightened by these emotions is what caused my defensive actions of trying to stop us. Fear of losing you caused me to lose you…. I see past all your flaws, any imperfections…I see only you. In my heart whether here or there.

    • robert neal says:

      For those who are of different castes in the country of India, is your love for each strong enough to forsake your customs and even your families and leave the local or even the country to be together? If the answer is yes then you need to take action instead of pine away and settle for a loveless life to honor your outdated customs. Come to America where caste systems don’t exist.

    • ANURAG SINHA says:


    • No,when a love is true …
      u can reach …
      so if u try i think u,ll be successed.

    • Hi,
      I love one girl very very much..She is my best friend. I told her to Marry me but she is refusing because,her parents will not allow it because her and mine caste is not same (We are Indian)..She also likes me but fear to tell her parents.

      What to do, I am really confused. I am just thinking that what will happen to me after she will gone from my life..I am feeling, there is no point to live after she gone..!

      But, Whether she will marry me or not, I will keep loving her.


      If you have any suggestions for me then plz send me comments to dhiraj.sonavane@hotmail.com

    • Adi says:

      You still say that – ‘God’s love is true love’ then I’ll say that the best part of love is to ‘believe’ in
      something blindly..!!

    • Vijay Kanta says:

      True love is when you love the person “the most” when he/she is far far away from you. True love is when you don’t go for her looks, but her virtual presence.

    • moonlight says:


      no that is not love.

      my ex b/f loved me because he wanted to immigrate to Canada.


    • eric says:

      I want to know if some one love you because of money , do you call that love?

    • lori says:

      God loves us unconditionally. True love between man and woman is about truth, open hearts, infatuation you have to be in love for life time commitment to another, loving someone isn’t enough, you have to be in love with them and you have to love them no matter who does or does not love them and despite their human flaws. True love is about sharing of your heart.
      It is about unconditional acceptance and that is true love.

    • Selvam, Sivagangai says:

      The only true love is mother’s love for her infant.

    • @zohre dehghan nejad says:

      yes in deed. sometimes God allow bad ppl to hurt us, to open our eyes of the Love we’ve been blind to. God deserves!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Rafsal says:

      I loved these concepts… I guess its true to some extent..


      True love is like real madness, when it strikes you it has no cure. However, care must be taken otherwise, a mere lust may be perceived as true love which is mostly dangerous.

    • tait says:

      love the insight, gets one thinking…

    • jam says:

      thank you. im doing a report on love and this has helped me. this is exactly the kind of viewpoint i believe

    • only there is one true love!
      the love between god and us.
      any thing & one can,t distroy it.
      it remains for ever.

    • Steve Silver says:

      True Love – Is a combination of Love and Faith, It is when two people Love each other and have the Faith to believe that they in return are equally Loved.

      Steve Silver

    • jhjhkjh says:

      good article :)

    • hanah says:

      love is a wonderful thing in this world but it can be also a big disaster if your not ready for it..

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