What is true love?
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I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon….
All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That’s an important part, huh?
Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Vanilla Ice.” (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”
What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.
There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.
A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.
Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!
Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.
Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple’s lives.
Love isn’t sex. That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.
Sex is created for marriage–a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.
Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.
The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.
Is true love possible? Tell us what you think
People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.
We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.
TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?
Infatuation
- Sees the other person as perfect
- Wants to get own needs met; selfish
- Spends all time with the other person
- Quickly “falls” for the other person
- Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
- Dependence on the other person causes jealousy frequently
- Lasts for a short period of time
- Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
- Quarrels are serious and common
- Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship
Love
- Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
- Wants to serve the other person; selfless
- Still spends time with others
- Takes time to build the relationship
- Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
- Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
- Encompasses a long-term commitment
- Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
- Quarrels are less serious and less often
- Quarrels can strengthen the relationship
Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.
Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.
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im in love with my girlfriend and want to take it to the next step, what do i do?
The true love with other human is not to hurt the person you love, never lie to the person you love, be honest with the person you love, be faithfull with the person you love, never cheat to the person you love, never mislead the person you love, never be jealous with the person you love and help ever hurt never. If you have such qualities your love is pure indeed.
I agree Theresa. Good point.
I believe Love is wht Jesus did For a world that was going to hell because of sin that we had nothing to do with, Jesus came down on your behalf, my behalf ,and although he did not sin on earth ,on that cross he die with you and me in his eye view, and our names speaking i’am going to need a savior if i’m going to make to be with u for ever ,that’s love he was selfless.
one point that I strongly agree with you is the point you made about the two couples having similar goals. my dear, this is the biggest problem we have in the modern style of relationhsip and it is has destroyed many relationships and have rendered lots of marriages unhappy. you see, one can not hope to get a very sweet marriage when the two parties are having different plans and goals. my advice in this case is that the two parties can compromise on the said goals and try to work as one. the bible told us that the two shall become one and not the two shall become two. some men will want to marry a woman who will be a house wife but are in a relationship with a woman who can never give up all her academics success. this is almost happening in most of the relationships in the world. I think, that point you made is the main point to consider in relationship. another point is the issue of the same ideology. if the partners don’t have the same or similar ideology, it becomes a very big time problem. this is why it is said that birds of the same feathers flock together. if one loves talking and chating with lots of people and including the opposite sex, while the other is not that kind of person, it becomes a problem because one will always complain. I think, these links will help our readers to also understand how to find true love http://www.trueloverelationship-advice.com/2012/03/how-to-find-true-love.html and some of the qualities of true love http://www.trueloverelationship-advice.com/2012/01/what-are-qualities-of-true-love.html
Dear Lady23, I understand your logical conclusions. In your conclusions, you perfectly describe what God actually is. God is exactly everything that is and was before time itself. People that don’t believe in God do so because they haven’t yet come to understand God. I came to believe entirely in God and Jesus and the Bible after hearing logical thinkers explain their rationale for it, so I came to my complete faith through a thorough logical endeavor. In order for my faith to be real, I had to be entirely convinced.
Here is the kicker: Most people will agree that whether they believe Jesus was God or not, they believe that Jesus was a good man. That he was inherently doing good on this earth. Yet look at his statements: “I am God. Before time itself, I existed, and after the passage of all time, I will still exist.” Now, if he really wasn’t God, if he was just a man or a prophet, then to make such bold and outrageous claims is downright evil and sinister! So if we are to conclude that Jesus brought a great power of goodness, then we must believe his words entirely, or else he is just a pathological egomaniac and liar. And very few people would accept this statement. To me, this is a very strong argument to believe Jesus entirely when he says that he is God that came to walk on this earth as a man among us.
If we believe Jesus is God, then we have so much guidance handed down to us that we can follow. Jesus had very specific things to say about love and marriage. In my experience, couples that are committed to their covenant to each other as a joint covenant under the Will of God, they find a way to work it out and learn what they must to do to treat each other with the love and respect required.
As Jamie has alluded to in previous posts, we are not capable of acting selflessly and perfectly as we need to in order to treat our mate right! We need the guidance of God, and the Will of God to supersede the individual desires/wants of either partner. If either partner does not take care that the Will of God come first and foremost, then there will be problems and troubles that get worse instead of getting better. If both people in the marriage are committed to putting the Will of God first, then although they will still have problems to work through, they will become better and better at working through each problem with less stress and struggle.
So in conclusion, I believe God has everything to do with Love, because without God, we cannot truly love, for we are selfish and bad at being loving if we follow our own plans, wills and desires.
Truelovesstudent, I am not sure I understand what you are saying. You link true love to consciousness. Can you explain that a little more? Thanks
I agree that true love (consciousness) came first. All form, including rocks, manifested from infinite love. God IS Love.
Lady23, I am genuinely curious, if love existed before time, who was the object of that love? You said that love is a special bond which I totally agree with, but that bond has to exist between two things/people/creatures/etc. Love needs an initiating source. You said that everything has love but I don’t agree with that. A cat can love but a rock cannot. Love is a choice and an action which requires consciousness. Who loved first?
Love has nothing to do with god.. If you do not believe in god then where does that lead? Love is something everyone has its indescribable and remarkable it may not be all fun and kisses but it’s work and it’s just love, nothing to do with god. In any case, love was before this so called god. It was before marriage it was before time itself. It’s a special bond that is hard to break. Anyone and everything has love.
Thanks for the wonderful story about Tania.
Hi Ronald, there are a number of sites that we have that offer regular devotionals. One you might enjoy is http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2012/04/20/the-wellspring-of-peace. This is today’s devotional for men and you can receive emails daily with links to each new devotional by clicking on “Subscribe by email” at the top of the article.
God bless you as you intentionally focus your attention on Him.
can i have a bible study with you and also we pray together.in the name of god i would like to take this opportunity to thank you for serving and spreading the gosple.
Thanks for being so open with your story Mark. I think it is so cool the way that you connect love with God. He is the standard of what love is. Love is His personality and when we love it is a sign that we have been touched by Him. One of Jesus followers wrote “We love because He first loved us.” (1John 4:19) Just as you describe, God’s love is a selfless love; His is a self-sacrificing love. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) And that is exactly what Jesus did–in fact He went one step further because He gave up His life for people who hated Him. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) So while we–humanity–were still actively rebelling against God and His purposes for us, Jesus died for us. In His death, He took on Himself all of the punishment for our rebellious sin. In exchange, humanity was given the opportunity to receive the perfection of Jesus for ourselves. “God made Him [Jesus] who knew no sin, to become sin for us so that we might become the righteousness [perfection] of God.” (2Corinthians 5:21) That is selfless love, don’t you think?!
That is why the way of Jesus Christ is so different from every other religion: all other religions call humans to follow a path of cleaning themselves up in order to be acceptable to God. Jesus calls us to trust in His sacrifice alone as the means of being cleansed from our rebellion against God. It means giving up our own efforts of trying to live right, or appease God or to love well and accept His perfection to be the source of love and living well. His promise is not only that He has taken our punishment on Himself but that He will now live in us and guide everything we do. We don’t have it in ourselves to love perfectly but when He comes to live in us His perfect selfless love becomes the source for our love towards others and towards God.
And I guess that is where I disagree with you Mark: you ask people to stop being selfish, reject hate and embrace love, but they (and you) don’t have what it takes to pull that off. You will be able to do it imperfectly. The only way to really live out those excellent ideals is by allowing Jesus Christ to do it through you. I know that is not a nice thing to realize but it is true. You are incapable of the idealized love you so eloquently write about. So many people have agreed with you about love but no one has been able to live it out perfectly except Jesus. The only reason He was able to achieve that impossible ideal is because He is the Son of God sent to Earth for the express purpose of showing the love of God and saving us. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.” (John 3:16-17) If you truly want to love selflessly than look to Jesus and accept the free gift of forgiveness and love that He offers. “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God–children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)
Does that make sense Mark?
Do you know what love is? True, pure selfless love?
May I please share my experience with you? I would like to say I love you and ask for a brief moment of your existence. A few years back I was truly, selflessly in love but was unable to tell her. Boyfriends came and went and all the while i waited patiently. Over time my love for her grew and I realised that I loved her so, so much, that I didn’t want to be just another boyfriend after others had gone from sight. So I decided to truly be her friend because just being in her presence was enough for me. A short intimate relationship then nothing was unacceptable. So It became my mission, each day, to help light up her lovely face, if I could make her smile each time I saw her, that was enough for me (almost).
She was about to leave forever, so it was now or never. I was crushed to find she was with another. Now maybe I should have kept quiet, but could not. So finally I let it out, “I love you Tania and have for some time, but don’t worry, I love you enough to let you go, I truly hope you love him and hope he knows how lucky he is”. I started saying goodbye then she asked “when did you know you loved me?”. Well! Would this be an appropriate conversation while she was with someone? Who cares! I was dying to tell her. I reminded her of a time we didn’t see one another for weeks and explained to her that I had left in an attempt to forget about her, to ‘move on’, but 8 weeks later it was clear to me, that was never going to happen and ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and I missed her so much that if friends is all we can be then so be it, its all I really wanted anyway. Except now she was leaving. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, When I first asked you out, those 2 or so years ago you said you don’t date clients, so if I was to ask again I felt that would be going against your wishes and I couldn’t start our future like that and as far as I know you haven’t changed your policy regarding clients. I probably shouldn’t have but… I have been waiting… and now your leaving and soon I won’t be a client and could hardly wait until after you left and you have no idea how much I love you Tan… (Tears)… “How much Mark?”. Whoa! “you’re with someone, so it doesn’t feel appropriate to say…with every fibre of my being Tan.” but now the flood gates were open, I couldn’t stop telling her of all the signs pointing me in her direction (if I listed them all here it’s unlikely you would believe me), things from before I even met her [expletive removed] that I only realized after I had fallen in love with her, but the most profound moment was about 6 months prior to her departure…
That day, I was positively radiating with love, even without her, life seemed grand. All morning, while working in the factory, I was being watched by a pidgin, It wouldn’t go away, it just kept scrutinizing me and no one else. Finally after lunch I asked it “what do you want?” and it immediately turned its head in the direction of Tania’s work. “Is this about her? Fly if this is about her.” And it FLEW! After working a little longer I looked to the bird and (in my mind) said “Fly like my heart does for Tan.” and I don’t care if you believe me or not but it did a huge loop to loop, far more than I ever expected, wow…5 minutes later again “Fly like my heart does for Tan”. and another loop. I couldn’t believe it 3 out of 3. For a short time I wasn’t willing to try again out of fear it wouldn’t fly and ruin my perfect run, but then I said to myself ‘NO! Is this happening or not?’ so once again “Fly like my heart does for Tan” and yes ‘It was happening!”… Shortly afterwards David, a friend at work, came over to help on the machine, I saw him looking up at the bird and I wondered…”Hey Dave, I can make it fly you know” he gave me an inquisitive look “Watch”, I looked to the bird to realize it was half asleep (squatting, eyes half shut). Oh well, here goes nothing, ‘Fly like my heart does for Tan’…And it wiggled itself up and swooped over us, “See!” I said to Dave and went back to work in the hopes he would say something, but didn’t. I don’t know if Dave saw again or not but I requested and the pidgin flew 3 more times till afternoon break, 8 in a row, it never denied me once and I never asked for a 9th, and of cause I had to go see her, and as I walked down the street I ‘commanded’ (for lack of a better word) 2 more birds to fly like my heart does and they did, wow! When I got to her work she had someone with her so I couldn’t say too much, and was still confined by the No client rule…So I waited.
Tania seemed to believe me as I told her about the bird plus many other similar signs leading me to her and she wanted to hear them all, but she was still with another. “Why didn’t you tell me mark?” “You said you don’t date clients so I couldn’t…until now”. She now, for the first time, seemed interested in me but I was too late…”I hope you truly love one another Tan, there’s nothing more beautiful than Selfless Love” “What’s Selfless Love Mark?”.” Other than me wishing you well with another?” I said “I could cite example” and proceeded to make reference to a number of songs and movies which in my opinion express selfless love, then asked “Would you still love your boyfriend if he wanted to leave you?”, she seemed baffled by the question, “Do you love him enough to let him leave even to the point of wishing him well with another, like I do you? Oh no Tan, you need to be able to love him no matter what, not just when he’s with you, otherwise you don’t truly love him at all.” At this point I started to worry, the idea of selfless love seemed lost to her so I went back to telling her how I felt for her and how I hope she too can experience the beauty of selfless love if not for me then for another… I believe I touched her heart that last day but was too late… “…and if you don’t truly love him, and know you never will, you need to find someone you can and you don’t have the right to lead him on until you find better, that would be selfish, not selfless. and he, like everyone, has the God given right to experience Selfless love, and Tania I pray you find true love, you who have given others this experience deserve to experience it too…” I let her know she can always call me… She never did…
A few months later (while driving) I saw her walking along lovingly with a different man than before and I smiled and wished them all the very best. Then slowly at first, then faster my life fell apart…I didn’t want to continue without her…I lost everything… Unfairly dismissed after 8 years of very hard work, I couldn’t even get a reference even though the boss (Tim D******) said he Would send me one (nor did he send me a separation certificate nor a group certificate come tax time). I had no luck finding another job, I couldn’t pay the mortgage, lost my home, my car died, my cat was run over by a hoon, sold everything, lost everything else. I stored all my files, diaries, photos, clothes, food etc. in a couple of lockers at my old work which they found and now its all gone… I, for the first time in my life, have lost EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. and when I needed it I couldn’t bring myself to ask anyone for 5 cents… and have been homeless now for well over a year, just wandering the earth, almost waiting to die, alone…wondering what am I to do ?…But then late last year (2011), as I was able to find better sources of food, shelter and a few dollars here and there (thanks to hard rubbish and returning supermarket trolleys.). I started having renewed hope and the desire to return to society. Then around mid January I started thinking of her again and realized I could feel that way for another. In fact I should be able to love anyone also displaying selfless love, nothing else matters… Now I don’t know how to explain this but I will try.
A few days later (a couple of weeks ago now) I had trouble remembering the conversation we had on her last day, It was like a dream. To the point I went to bed that night saddened in the belief the conversation never happened…that I had imagined the whole thing… that I never told Tania I loved her and basically cried myself to sleep…. When I woke up the entire conversation had been given back to me crystal clear, like it had been re-loaded into my brain, like it was yesterday! I did tell her…It wasn’t a dream… (even a few days later It felt like we just had the conversation a few days before not a few years earlier…that day is still foggy…WTF!…) But wait there’s more…
Now I was never raised to believe in god but what happened next could be nothing less…I started to buzz with love, more and more…I thought I was nearly about to float…for a short time I could see my life up till now and how everything HAS happened for a reason…The failed relationships…changing jobs…I couldn’t believe it…THIS IS GOD…Of that there can be no doubt…It was way greater than me…To the point (I’m disappointed to say) it frightened me…not scared but overwhelmed…and I pulled away… Now I know that was a mistake…I panicked….But I think God is ok with that, he knows he can have that effect…and I believe he will return to give me another chance now that I am aware of his existence…But for now I think he wants me to share my selfless love for her and him with the world…and that pidgin was god letting me know I was ready for a loving relationship with her…and I made the mistake of rejecting god because things didn’t work out with her…by jumping to the conclusion that a relationship was going to happen…I was ready…She was not…May God forgive me…I know better now…and once you know, you can never forget…
The Meaning and Message I Received
Now I’m no preacher but I know God does exists, however a religion he did not indicate. It is my belief that religion is mans ‘best guess’ as to what God wants, that we all have pieces of the puzzle, we just need to bring them together, to broaden our understanding. May be …its time to update the bible to include more modern examples of God, a bible that better suits our times and current experiences, because right now, it seems, most religions assume that all other religions are going to hell, when I believe they are all following (slightly different versions of) the same thing, and that it is only mans interpretation thats getting in the way. Not God. For now I’m focusing on love because that was the biggest of all my experiences.
Love shouldn’t be a secret. To keep it would be selfish. Your love is for others; share it with all whom need it. If you love them, set them free. If you are rejected, move on, it wasn’t meant to be, your true love awaits, and you deserve better. Patience is a virtue. Love takes time. But don’t wait too long. I shouldn’t of passed up other opportunities. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.
At first I thought the bird could see my love for her radiating like an aura and was captivated by its beauty I believe it was God letting me know I was emotionally ready for a truly loving relationship.
The fact that it worked in front of another proves the message wasn’t only meant for me. I believe I should have asked her out that day, God had given me permission to ask her again and maybe her friend was there to help, so Tan couldn’t just say no.
A public confession of love perhaps…
The truth is always better than not knowing. Take a chance, choice gives us true freedom.
Love is not; Jealous, rude, disrespectful, hate, lust, greed, hurt, pride, sexual etc.
If you are having difficulty expressing selfless love, try loosing hate first, because without hate love can prevail. From a position of pure love, anyone else displaying it is beautiful…Looks and money don’t mean a thing.
Love is; respect, compassion, understanding, generous etc. Without asking anything in return – selfless… If you give your love selflessly, your soul is saved. If you show another how to express true love, so is theirs. If you show them how to show others…Everybody wins. It’s the Domino effect. Who’s next…
I lost more important things than material possessions, Love, faith, hope, even the will to live, and never had to. No one but you can take those beautiful gifts away. Hateful people will try to bring the good down, while Good people try to lift everyone up. (Including the bad). Most people seem to think if they do no harm they are a good person (e.g. Thou shall not steal etc.) WRONG ! That only makes you nutral… In order to be a good person you must do good, otherwise the bad will prevail if the ‘good’ do nothing. The same with love and hate. Haters like to share their hate (misery likes company), So if you know love, you must share it, so that hate can never prevail…
Maybe Jesus was just like one of us except he knew how to love all selflessly. Therefore ‘love at first sight’ can happen! Because if you have love for all, only sight is required.
Love is its own reward. Give and you shall receive. It is simple to apply to any situation. Just look back on life and see how every situation could have gone better if approached from love.
If someone provokes you, stay calm (Cool brain : Warm heart), they are the ones that need help. Ask them, “Do you know what love is? True love?”. “How could you know love with all that hate in your heart?” And if they continue they prove your point. And if so, tell them “The only one who likes haters is Satan, and he is rubbing his hands together right now saying ‘Another soul for me!”.
Love is a profound knowing. If you think you’re in love, you probably are not (yet). When you know, you KNOW! Nothing bad comes from Love – Nothing good comes from hate. Can you possibly imagine a world without hate or greed? And wouldn’t you just love to live there? No threats, No fears. I always thought there was something greater, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe without proof… Now I have it…
In my experience, God doesn’t want you looking for him, He wants you to find Selfless love, then he will find you… Then your life can truly begin, and heaven awaits. Although if everyone loved, we could have heaven on earth already…
Conclusion
I am still currently homeless, for now, however I now know I have a future and will rejoin you soon. For now I think I need to keep writing and sharing and I need help, I have very limited resources so I need you to help me share this message of love.
Due to the frequent miss-use of the word Love…, I feel the word has lost its meaning, so I like to define it as selfless love. You can’t love something but you can love people (and God). I believed that I had been in love before, but had not, that was only fun and happiness, not this! That’s why I believe so many relationships fail, people make the same mistake as I once did, mistaking happiness for love. Unfortunately happiness can be like a rollercoaster, up and down, so when the happiness dips, those people believe they are losing the love, when it never existed. It is my opinion that love isn’t happy or sad, sometimes we need the bad to balance the good. I like to think of love as more of an experience than an emotion. I could be happy or sad, but my love for Tania is continuous…
I would like to thank the public library, without whom, sharing this wouldn’t be possible.
And of cause the magnificent Tania, who I quite possibly owe my soul, who helped me to find God and renewed hope. I will love her till the day I die and beyond, I hope she has found true love and has a wonderful life.
And I would like to thank you for taking your time to read this, in doing so you are already demonstrating selfless love…Now you need to share that love with all who require it…Perhaps you could ask two other people to read this message of love and them ask two others and in doing so you are automatically sharing love selflessly. Please feel free to share this as much as you can and if you don’t believe in God yet…Keep an open mind. He believes in you.
My Meaning of Life:
STOP BEING SELFISH! REJECT HATE AND EMBRACE SELFLESS LOVE.
PEACE BE WITH YOU…
True love is giving your full attention without desire to receive in return.
For me the true definition of Love is how Christ loved others. When we love others as Christ loved and ask God to fill us with his Holy Spirit and live a spirit filled life then others will be attracted to you. Many times we try to attract someone by being who we are not but I have learned if you show kindness, love and ask God to take away the fears and to show the real person you are then God will bring the right person into your life. If we focus as much effort and time into becoming closer with Christ through reading his word as we do finding a life mate then Christ will bring us the right person and we do not have too. God Bless.
i don,t knom what is the real love but once i fall in love whith a boy. and i really could leave my life because of him. i can not explain u but he was all my heart. but at the end he told me;
sorry i think we are not for each other.
my heart really broken and for a long time i was dipress.but now i,m alive yet.and try to have a better life
love is comming our heart.its real
What about those people who have actually found people they like but are so scared of messing things up that they eventually dont try and get the person they like.Same goes for me, i have SO much fear inside me that ill screw things up or he wont like me and i wouldnt fit the bill for him that i end up trying to hide from the guy and completely ending things up with him.This is reaaally bringing me down.i know ill be told to be fearless and take a chance but i just cant manage to find the right words to even carry out a convo with him.i need serious help :( the article’s very first pointer that u need to KNOW the person well brought all this out, i cant even manage to get past the first point so how will i ever manage to find someone? a lot of people go thru this, id love to hear from anyone whose willing to help!
You are right Jenny, it is easy for our desire to be loved by someone that we fool ourselves into thinking that infatuation is true love. That is one of the reasons why my relationship with Jesus Christ is such an important part of my life. You see, He has promised me that He has a plan for me that He is working out, “I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.” (found in the Bible at Jeremiah 29:11) Because I know He has a plan for me I keep looking to him every day to help me follow what that plan is. I am confident that when He plans for me to give myself in love to someone He will show me and I will know for certain that is who He wants me to spend the rest of my life loving. He did that for my wife and me and now, even when we go through “disagreements” I know that we can work through them because God was the one who put us together. It is the most freeing thing in the world to know that as I keep my attention focussed on Him, I can’t go wrong in the choices I make.
if you want to find out how you can discover a relationship with Jesus go to http://powertochange.com/discover/faith/discoverpurpose. It will change your life!
It is so hard sometimes to know the difference between true love and infatuation. This is a great checklist to understand the difference. I also like to read quotes about true love from famous authors because they have a lot of wise words to share. Check out these quotes:
http://www.glamquotes.com/quote/true-love-quotes/
I hope that I’m in a relationship right now where the love is real. It is so hard to know though :(
Claire, I so agree that this is a tragic picture of love. God is Love, and He created us for relationship with Him and with one another. It is in allowing God to love us and in communing with Him that we find wholeness and fulfillment in life and develop the desire to truly give unselfishly to another person in a loving manner.
Sukhi, I pray you will follow Claire’s urging and seek out a mentor with whom to speak about your views on love. Here is the link again to do so:
http://powertochange.com/students/mentoring/
God bless you, Sukhi; I am praying for you.
Sukhi, That’s a very sad picture of love. Love is not supposed to be about rules or forcing someone to act a certain way. Love is a good thing – it exists between people who want to be together because they enjoy each other’s company. Did something happen to you that made you see love this way? Our mentors are available if you’d like to talk.
I think love is that Psychological illness which forces a person(anybody) to be good even if he don’t want to do so……………
Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment Tani and Ginny! I would have to agree with you Tani that love really is beyond definition because it is so much more than we can put into words.
Thank you for the helpful advice
I think love is beyond defination…. but thanks for giving valuable advices.
you asked what would make true love last like that
my answer is; we are
Why do you think true love is timeless? What would make true love last like that?
i do think that true love is timeless
You make an excellent point Ann, that true love isn’t something we find, but something that we work at to create and nurture. It is a coming together of two hearts committed to one another through the struggle and the hard times. Well said!
Beautiful article. Well, each one of us look around for that ‘True Love’ especially, from the person whom we wish to be with forever…a friend, lover, husband, wife and so on… and the feelings shud be mutual. But actually, true love is not sought or found just like that. It’s created by any 2 individuals by accepting the ‘imperfections’ and by trying to adjust, co-operate, understand, trust and above all to sacrifice for one another for any given cause with great patience. When all this is put together we do get ‘Love’. and when we do anything for the person whom we love without expecting much in return, that’s true love or unconditional love…..that of Jesus Christ, who died for our sins. Well, to be very honest, we do fall short here, and that’s why sometimes we feel unsatisfied with the love we get from our loved ones. Because, we might do things out of love for the other, and think or say we dont expect anything in return, but that’s only thinking, not reality. For, everyone of us our thirsty for love and some in desparate need of love. so heart to heart, one would surely expect, even if not materialistically, may be thru actions- showing great excitements, open appreciations, emotions -hugs, kisses, presenting small gifts- cards, etc. All this would certainly motivate and encourage the concept of ‘True Love’ to materialize and grow steadily. I have said enough, but will not surely miss the main part for True Love to exist………this can happen only when God is included in your relationship and if it’s His Will, under all conditions, Jesus Christ will make it happen in your life. But always be ready to pay a price for the best things in life……..over here you should be ready to say SSS to…Suffer, Struggle and Sacrifice. As you know… “There is No Gain Without Pain”. So all the best in Life, Love freely. God bless!
Thanx, this was helpful.
interesting comments from the people, thanks all for sharing
Hi Chicken, You said that you are looking for feedback but I wasn’t sure what your question was. Are you asking whether or not people ever fall in love quickly? If so, then yes, sometimes they do. The pastor of the church I grew up in knew his wife as a friend for six months. He decided to ask her out and the second time they went out, he proposed. She accepted and they have been married for almost 30 years now. It happens, but I think it’s rare. Generally speaking, relationships that develop very quickly can also fade out very quickly. But there are few hard and fast rules when it comes to love.
My advice would be this: if you feel like things are progressing quickly, talk to people who have known you for a long time. Ask for their opinions. Do they see changes in you? Are they good changes? Do they like the person you are with? Does the relationship make them nervous. Some people do figure out that they want to be together forever very quickly. It’s not common, but it does happen.
Hey, glad to of found this place, tbh :)
I have met someone incredibly wonderful (yes, believes in god lol) and if anything has strengthen me, has calmed my tendency to stray away from god.
I’ve read that list, and i agree with all of it except the speed of falling for a person.. I’ve been married, was for 7 years,and have been in various relationships, but i had given up on love a long time ago.. Meeting this man, talking with him, it was like a bell had been stuck over my head and gong’d.. and it’s not so much of having fallen for him, but a quiet and calm knowing that he is ‘the one’…and i tend to doubt eeeeverything. Guess I’m writing this to ask for feedback… we’re still getting to know each other, and no, it’s def not on a physical attraction that we are fond of one another (notice the lack of the word love, as we are still working on that time aspect, learning each other, and taking our time..the feeling is there and mutual, but we are building that, creating it with god)
So, considering all of that, and knowing that god is apart of that, in a big way (but in a healthy, normal way :P) I guess i’m asking on feedback :) We didn’t ‘fall’ in love, it rang it’s bell over our heads :) lol funny thing is, i used to tell god that if there was someone out there who was meant for me, he’d have to freaking set an alarm next to my head to alert me to it xD (and various other methods, depending on my wittyness atm)
anyways, done babbling for now :p
This is really awesome.now i can differenciate true love from infatuation .
this a great article- we’ve been married for 25 years and true love is making sure they know they are loved and being with that person this long because you want their happiness and giving of yourself and also trusting in God and making sure he is the head of us both. and giving the spouse freedom to do what they like too
This question has plagued me for a very long time and today God added the last piece of the “love puzzle” BTW he tells me that we think too hard, and make big deals out of the smallest things and if we just sit back and bask in his love for us we would see that he not only loves us despite our flaws but even more because of them and because of our uniqueness. True love can only be achieved by looking at ourselves through the eyes of God, accept yourself, love your uniqueness because he sure does! Feel the warmth of his unconditional love filling every cell of your body, from your toenails to the tip of your longest hair, and yes he loves you that much!! To find True Love, ask God to help you find that person. “He already has plans for you, so trust in him exclusively.” When you are with that person, True Love can only come from looking at each other through God’s eyes. See each other the way God sees them. Those who have had children know this feeling, it’s like the first time they laid eyes on their newborn child, “WOW, I made this?” Awesome!!! A couple who can see each other through God’s eyes has unconditional love for each other, and knows what’s in each other’s hearts just as God does. And they love each other with God’s love. He told me that is the greatest gift he can be given by us is to love with his love. It makes him burst with pride like a parent watching their child accomplish a big goal. I believe the man I am seeing now was sent to me by God, I feel we will some day be married, but for now we are both enjoying the journey.
Very true, you never know when that person might be the love of your life as you said. And yes, loving someone includes taking the good with the bad and making a commitment to stick together through thick and thin. It’s not just about a feeling because feelings change.
You never no that the girl you just met might be the love of your life. I came to find out when I first met the love of mine. Love suppose to be the strength that keep two people together no matter the distance between one another. Love is like a tree, and one day your love can reach it’s peak, you know that its no way you can love her any more then you have for the pass 15teen years. You are suppose to take the good with the bad if one walks out on the other so easliy that show’s there’s no real communication. Love will always be our UP & our Down.
Dear Lesiba,
Part of the purpose of courtship is that we have an opportunity to explore the possibility of love with another without giving ourselves fully to that person. If in that courtship process we find that the other has aspects of their personality and character that make it hard to love them we have the option of choosing not to love them and finding another. But when we make that commitment of marriage between a husband and wife we dedicate ourselves to loving that one in all circumstances and situations.
Absolutely, talk with your girlfriend. Let her know how her actions are affecting you. Strive to understand her point of view and to find a way to relate to each other that works for both of you. Make sure that the issue is not that you are unnecessarily suspicious. But don’t commit yourself to a relationship with her if you are not able to trust her.
before i met my fiancee I was trying to find the perfect man. a man whom I drafted according to my liking. Then A comes along. suddenly someone whom i thought less in physical attractiveness is interesting as company. I started to like whatever words coming out of his mouth. after awhile we dated seriously and soon I can see past the minor ‘imperfections’. Now all i can think about is how lucky I am to have someone who loves me and i love him.
He started to loose weight not because I want him to. but because he wanted to. I have a feeling it is to boost his own self esteem . I can see how serious he is about meeting my happiness as well. And that makes him so special. i had dated other guys- nothing serious. to me he score 100/100.
moral of the story- try to have a list and then try not to be strict on the list. you may not know that the guy you think you can’t live with ever is the guy that you can’t live without.
I know that he is the right guy for me because we are open with each other. we helped each other, we worked together to understand our differences, we support each other views and we argue if we don’t agree. Sometime we don’t always agree if it is stuff that is not important we take it that we are different . we try not to change each other but sometime we change because we know we can be better if we do. In other words Understanding+love =true love. another point about true love is that we are committed to make it work
i hope this makes sense
Dear lesiba
Your love your feelings follow the way to justify the vastness of love, only love him. Without any question. Your inner hart will more simple like the Sun shine, and please read my previous writing for your answer. (Love is love like birth is birth).
Thanks
Zisu.M
I am having a problem with the trust issues,like my girlfriend is so secretive she don’t wana tell me what bothers her but she want me to be open to her and tell her everything that bothers me,she hides things for me,who she was with,who calls on her cellphone but she expect me to tell her everything I do but she don’t do that to me so now I don’t know whether to let gor or stay in this relationship in the name of true love so I don’t know what to do will you kindly help?I realy need help
And the work of man is to take that seed and spread it around and God makes it grow. Interesting!
the work of God is to plant the seed of compassion and love in our hearts
I heard this on the radio this morning and thought it spoke of true love.
In the book Mortal Lessons (Notes in the Art of Surgery)
Dr. Richard Selzer writes:
“I stand by the bed where a young woman lies, her face post operative, her mouth twisted in palsy, clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth has been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon has followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh. I promise you that. Never the less, to remove the tumor in her cheek he had to cut the little nerve. Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamp light isolated from me…private. ‘Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, so greedily? The young woman speaks. “Will my mouth always be like this?” she asks? “Yes,” I say, “it will. It is because the nerve was cut.” She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. “I like it,” he says. “It is kind of cute.” All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works.
If you would like to hear it go to http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/radio.aspx
and listen to the July 19th broadcast. This is just a tiny excerpt.
I am not trying to endorse either David Jeremiah (although I do like his messages) or Dr. Richard Selzer whom I’ve never heard of before this morning. I do endorse love and it takes a lot of work and commitment on both parts.
Yes that is it! When you work on your self you have no time to work on your partner and judge him or her. In this way you are loving yourself as well as your neighbour ( Love your neighbour as you love your self) Thanks Mark that is good insight that you have. God bless you