How to Have a Good Fight: Resolving Marital Conflicts

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“Patterns in how couples fight can predict their likelihood of divorce with up to 90% accuracy.” ~ Dr. John Gottman (University of Washington)

“How you argue, especially how you end an argument, can determine the long term success or failure of your relationship.” ~ Dr. Phil (TV Professional Psycologist)

How couples resolve marital conflicts in their marriage is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. Between the wife and husband, a good channel of communication and an effort to understand and accept each other is the key.

1. Is there such a thing as a good fight and a bad fight? Share your thoughts on what these would look like. More thoughts...

A marriage will not grow without communication and understanding. What does good communication look like in a marriage? How can we create an atmosphere of openness in our marriages? How can we encourage one another to share our feelings? How do we learn to be transparent?

2. How does love create an atmosphere of openness? More thoughts...

How would you define love? See 1 Corinthians 13 and 1 John 3:16. How can we enhance our marital relationship? We teach others how to treat us. Our marriage relationship needs to be guided in the same way God treats us. Forgiveness, mercy and kindness.

3. Understanding God's acceptance also helps us to accept others. Look at Philippians 4:8. How does thinking these things about our spouse affect our response to them? How can that be translated into our acceptance of where they are at? How does God's acceptance of us relate to our marriages? More thoughts...

God's acceptance of us is unconditional. Conditional acceptance is something that destroys relationships. No matter what type of relationship it is, if we are not going to accept others, our relationship will not be truly meaningful. We all need to feel accepted, heard and understood by our mates.

4. Share what you have found helpful to deal with arguments and conflict in your marriage. What are some challenges you have faced? More thoughts...

Choosing our words carefully and wisely are an important part of communication. Great words build self-esteem. How can we encourage and build one another up rather than discourage and tear our partner down? How can we focus on the facts rather than judging the motives? Are there times when silence is more effective than talking? Jesus listened well to others. It has been said: “Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood.” We need to do that in our marital relationships as well.

5. Anger can sometimes be part of conflict. What have you found helpful in keeping your emotions in check? More thoughts...

Uncontrolled anger really messes things up. It is important to handle anger properly in a way that builds up our mate rather than tears them down. What does the Bible say about anger? See Ephesians 4:26-27. Do we have different emotional and communication styles?

6. What are the responsibilities God gives to husbands and wives? More thoughts...

Read 1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:21-23 and 1 Corinthians 7. Do we sometimes expect our husband or wife to behave the same way we do? How can our differences compliment each other? We know that men and women are so different and with these differences we usually have different expectations in marriage. We each have different needs. God built those differences into us.

7. Our human nature is selfish. How can we fight selfishness in marriage? More thoughts...

How does the Holy Spirit help us in dealing with conflict in our marriages? How can we learn to live in peace? Is it always possible to be at peace in our relationships? Are all conflicts resolvable? See Romans 12:17-19.

8. Share some thoughts about harboring wrong attitudes in dealing with conflict in our marriages? How important is our attitude? More thoughts...

When we have messed up where can we turn for help? If you haven’t turned your life over to Jesus Christ, would you consider asking Him into your heart today? He is willing to help you be the right kind of husband or wife.

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Tags: conflict, fight, life lessons, marriage, relationships

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How to Have a Good Fight: Resolving Marital Conflicts

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