We all appreciate gifts, we may even love gifts. The difference with this love language is that it meets a specific need: filling the emotional need of love. The item is a visible symbol of the thought behind the gift. That is a big difference from just liking the item! It is so important for this love language, that without those visible symbols the spouse may question whether they really are loved.

For the person whose love language is receiving gifts, reserving gifts only for special occasions is not enough. There may be months in between that they are wondering if they are loved. It’s not good for anyone to go for months wondering if they are loved! Show love by thinking of your loved one and giving a specific symbol of that love.

For those with this love language, anything given that reflects I know you and I was/am thinking of you is a gift. The gift is a symbol of care and love. The gift could be costly or free, value is not based on the monetary, but strait from the heart of the giver to the heart of the receiver. Therefore, it works to fill that love tank we all have and need those around us to fill. Having a marriage with both love tanks full will be much easier to manage and will be more rewarding to be part of.

Think of a gift that is VERY meaningful to you that doesn’t have a high monetary value. Why is that gift special? For a gift receiver the focus is on the thought and care that went into the gift.

There are times when the most important gift you can give is the gift of self. There are times when this speaks, love, VERY loudly to the one whose language is receiving gifts. “Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.” Gary’s example in the book portrays this very well. He was speaking to a woman who stated that her husband loved softball more than her. The example she gave was that he went to play ball the day she gave birth to their baby. He was there for the actual birth, but ten minutes later he took off to play ball. He thought that being there for the labor and birth was enough, so he went to play ball. She was deeply hurt he did not stay to share the following time with her. He could have sent any number of gifts, flowers, jewelry, clothing, but what was NEEDED in that moment was his presence with her. If this is your language, you need to tell your spouse how important this is to you. Don’t expect them to figure it out.

As individuals we have differing attitudes on spending money. For some it is easier to spend money and we feel good about it. For others it is easier to save money and we feel good about not spending. This orientation is a key to understanding the difference for gift receivers. If you are a spender it is easy and fun to buy, purchase and give. If you are a saver, it is a hurdle to overcome to spend money on something you may not see as “necessary”. What is necessary is to love your spouse. The important thing to note is that you are investing in your relationship and your spouse by increasing your spouses’ self-worth and emotional security by filling that important love tank. Remember you are making investments that have many future dividends by giving your spouse gifts. An important note: the spouse who is the spender/gift receiver, will be very hurt that they are “not worth” _______. (a few dollars on a card, or a coffee, or whatever blank is) They see it totally different than the “waste of money” that the saver thinks it is. It becomes a personal slight.

If you are at a loss as to what to give start a Gift idea notebook. When you hear your spouse say “I’d really like that”, write it in your notebook. If you overhear a conversation about something they would like, write it in your book. By listening carefully you can create quite a list. Some planners/calendars have a section for keeping track of exactly this list. Also, hearing what they complain about could tip off a new idea. “I am so tired of making dinner” could translate into a gift of “don’t cook tonight honey I am brining pizza home”. By paying attention to the little things you will get some great ideas. Ask a friend for help, if you need more ideas. Go online and search for gift ideas. Don’t settle for status quo, make an effort and come up with some great ideas, shock your spouse with your creativity. The dividends will be GREAT! The Bible has some wisdom on this. Proverbs 18:16 A gift opens the way and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.

If you are reading this and suspect this is your spouses’ language you can test it. Try doing “a parade of gifts” and see if it makes a difference for your spouse. Set a time frame, like a week, or (a month) and give a gift each day. It need not be a special occasion, it may mean more if it is random timing. It could be a single flower, a card, ordering pizza for dinner to give the cook a break, a favorite candy or ice cream flavor, plan a date, or arrange a sitter. Be creative and think about what your spouse wants, not what you prefer.

Millions of people around the world turn to prayer and the Bible as a source of help when dealing with difficult situations. Both offer comfort and the realization that you are not alone in this - there is hope and help. Remember, God is the ultimate source of help and He loves you just as you are. Philippians 4:6 ”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”