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For part two, please click here: Crave Meaning (Part 2)

“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” (Joshua 1:8, NKJV)

God gave Joshua three things to do that would assure him that his way would be prosperous and that he would have good success. First, he was to keep God’s Word in his mouth so he would have the truth and the sure knowledge of the difference between right and wrong.  This would give him guidance and direction in the decisions he would have to make. This same Word was also a plethora of promises that he could draw upon in his time of need, and a weapon (sword of the Word) that he could use in the face of battle.

Secondly, he was to meditate on the Word day and night. Meditating is like a cow chewing on its cud. As we go about the day the Word of God comes back to mind and we further mull it over (chew on it), breaking down its contents, and consider how it applies to our own circumstances. As we digest the Word, revelation and insights are the result, and our understanding is opened up as the Word starts to become part of us, energize us, and give us strength.

Thirdly, God commanded Joshua to “observe to do” what is written in the Word. It is the action in response to the Word that actually demonstrates that we believe what we read, and brings the whole process to fruition in our lives.

So let the Word of God be richly in your mouth, speak it out, read it out, pray it out, declare it over yourself, your family and your community; think on it, digest it, let it become a part of you; and act on it to see the end result of God making your way prosperous and giving you good success.

“Unless Your law had been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, for by them You have given me life.” (Psalm 119:92, NJKV)

Question: Which of these three “keys” do you find most difficult, and why?

About this Author: Emmie Stanley

Quiet heroes dot the landscape of our society. They don’t wear ribbons or kiss trophies; they wear spit-up and kiss boo-boos. They don’t make the headlines, but they do sew the hemlines and check the outlines and stand on the sidelines. You won’t find their names on the Nobel Prize short list, but you will find their names on the homeroom, carpool, and Bible teacher lists.

They are parents, both by blood and deed, name and calendar. Heroes. News programs don’t call them. But that’s okay. Because their kids do … They call them Mom. They call them Dad. And these moms and dads, more valuable than all the executives and lawmakers west of the Mississippi, quietly hold the world together.

Be numbered among them. Read books to your kids. Play ball while you can and they want you to. Make it your aim to watch every game they play, read every story they write, hear every recital in which they perform.

Children spell love with four letters: T-I-M-E. Not just quality time, but hang time, downtime, anytime, all the time. Your children are not your hobby; they are your calling.

Your spouse is not your trophy but your treasure.

Don’t pay the price David paid. Look ahead to his final hours. To see the ultimate cost of a neglected family, look at the way our hero dies.

David is hours from the grave. A chill has set in that blankets can’t remove. Servants decide he needs a person to warm him, someone to hold him tight as he takes his final breaths.

Do they turn to one of his wives? No. Do they call on one of his children? No. They seek “for a lovely young woman throughout all the territory of Israel … and she cared for the king, and served him; but the king did not know her” (1 Kings 1:3–4).

I suspect that David would have traded all his conquered crowns for the tender arms of a wife. But it was too late. He died in the care of a stranger, because he made strangers out of his family.

But it’s not too late for you.

Make your wife the object of your highest devotion. Make your husband the recipient of your deepest passion. Love the one who wears your ring.

And cherish the children who share your name.

Succeed at home first.

Question: What are some of the mundane activities can sometimes come between us and what’s most important in our lives?

About this Author: Max Lucado

Take action: Have you received bad news lately? Are you going through painful experiences? Take one of our Dealing with Hurts and Emotions interactive life lessons.

First Aid for Bruised Hearts: Talk to a Mentor. If you have a question about love, relationships, or marriage you’re not alone. Love, even when it’s wonderful, is complicated. We’d love to hear from you. Online mentoring is a private email conversation between you and a mentor. The conversation is free, confidential and non-judgmental. Contact an online mentor if you’d like to talk.

Article: Gas vs. Electric Heating
How will rising energy prices affect my budget and what can I do to limit the damage? This article could save you a lot of money on your heating bill this winter! Read more

Online study: Living with Significance
Many of us are passionately engaged on the road towards success, but if we were to be questioned as to whether or not we are living a life of significance, we may not have an immediate answer to that question. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “What Does It Mean to Have Faith?” Join us in the chat room October 26th 2009 @ 9:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Please open your Bible and read Isaiah 1:10-20.

How do people know that you are a Christian? Is it because they know that you go to church on Sunday, go to Bible studies, and go on retreats? Is it because you spend most of your time with other believers and avoid tempting environments? Is it because you don’t drink, smoke, or wear immodest clothing?

As Christians, sometimes we are so concerned with pleasing God and appearing holy that we forget God loved us first, in our brokenness. God loves us deeply as we are and desires for us to love Him in gratitude. God wants us to share this love with others.

In Isaiah chapter 1 we see the Israelites doing all of the sacrifices that their religion requires, without a repentant and open heart. They are mindlessly following a cultural tradition. They have forgotten God loved them first and are instead completely concerned with what they thought an obedient follower of God should be doing.

God responds to the Israelites’ “sacrifices” with hate and refuses to look and listen to them (Isaiah 1:14-16.)

God does not ask us to become Christians of our own accord. He offers a flowing, ceaseless river of life that can cleanse us of our worldly habits and teach us how to live in Christ (Isaiah 1:18.) This can only happen when we admit our dependence on God and his Holy Spirit.

God begs us to let Him wash us clean of our faithlessness and, “Learn to do good, seek justice, help the oppressed, defend the orphan, and fight for the rights of widows.” (Isaiah 1:17, NLT)

May the living water of our faith attract thirsty souls to the cleansing water of Jesus Christ. Pray that those with a thirst for God see our actions not as cultural tradition but as true life.

Question: What are some of the misconceptions about Christianity that hinder people from accepting its life-giving power?

About this Author: Whitney Thompson

Georges Laraque: What Gives Me Energy
Though one of the most feared players in the NHL, off the ice Georges Laraque is one of the most pleasant guys to be around. Always joking and smiling, the 6’3” former Edmonton Oiler (he is now playing with the Montreal Canadiens) not only brings energy to his team, but also to the people he meets everyday. In a TruthMedia Internet Group interview, “The Rock” talks about how to stay supercharged for life. Read more

Take action: Have you been feeling less than “supercharged” lately? Try our Struggling with Contentment online interactive life lesson?

You said it: This week, Edward commented on our article The Effects of Internet Pornography, saying “I need help with my porn addiction. It is hurting my wife and really hurting my marriage. My wife says she will leave me if i don’t get help for it but i don’t see it being a problem for me. Can someone contact me to discuss some options that xan help me and my marriage?” Read the article and add your own thoughts: Read more

Blog: Eating Down the Fridge
Save money & expand your culinary expertise! A practical technique to spend less on food during tough economic times. Read more

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Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Heartfelt Longings” Join us in the chat room October 18th 2009 @ 12:15pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

We ate salmon skewers (frozen salmon), grilled baby bok choy, and a cream cheese and cherry pie filling puffed pastry (two out of the three ingredients for this have been with us for awhile).

All this to say, my sister-in-law told me that I was not the first to feel the need to clean out the pantry. Apparently the financial crisis has sparked an interest in what is being called Eating Down The Fridge.

So I decided this was worth looking into and was, at the same time, sure to satisfy my need to clear clutter, cook creatively and pursue a more balanced lifestyle. Googling the topic brought up many blogs and forums that were taking groups through this exercise and allowing them to share recipes, menus and experiences. A Mighty Appetite, a blog on washingtonpost.com, was where I started and found my way to eG Forums where I got some great ideas to eat down my own fridge. And freezer. And cupboards.

Fat Guy from eG Forums says,

If you spend $100 a week on groceries, this experiment will put $100 back in your pocket quicker than you can say stimulus. If you’re home 50 weeks of the year and you perform this experiment once per quarter, you’ll reduce your grocery bill by 8%.

That sounded good to me so I started by taking inventory of a random selection of what our kitchen held:

• unsweetened coconut flakes
• canned bamboo shoots
• dried chickpeas
• 3 packages of vanilla pudding
• toasted carob powder
• 1 can of chunky light tuna
• 1 bag of frozen peas
• dijon mustard
• 1 package of star anise
• 1 bag large marshmallows

This is about 1/10th of what was filling our kitchen. Kind of sad. So I tried the experiment for a week, building in some rules of my own to be sure we didn’t end up with scurvy.

The Rules

1. We could buy meat and veggies as long as the majority of the meal is made of current kitchen items.
2. We could buy ingredients for recipes as long as no more than 2 new ones are needs to complete the recipe.
3. We could buy staple perishables that we regularly use up including: coffee cream, soy milk, bran cereal and coffee beans.

Over the next seven days, with the help of the internet, I created recipes for the first time, ate food I had been avoiding, and learned that we never have “nothing in the house to eat”. I spent a total of $12.43 CAD on groceries and estimate that I saved $40-$50. I was amazed to see how much variety I still had in my diet, far beyond what most of the world can afford. Saving money was a perk (probably more enjoyed by my thrifty husband) but learning to think outside the box and gain an appreciation for what I already have was truly satisfying.

I feel challenged to think about how I can up the impact next time we try this. Maybe we’ll trying growing some of our own food to cut down on purchasing them permanently, or donate the money we save to the Food Bank. Has anyone else made lifestyle changes to save money or positively affect society?

Related reading: From Making Money to Giving it Away – Bobby received news that his adopted daughter had been killed in a car accident. Bobby finally broke. “I was a wreck,” he says.

Please open your Bible and read 1 Corinthians 15:12-28.

The foundation of Christianity is the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul tells the Corinthian church that without belief in this primary tenet of our faith, then our faith is in vain.

Since we believe in Jesus’ bodily resurrection from the grave after His crucifixion, then we also believe in the promise of our bodily resurrection into eternity. The alternative is to believe in nothing that is real, nothing that is hopeful or redeeming.

We cannot separate these truths. Jesus is the first fruits of those raised from the dead. When Paul says this in verse 20, he uses a verb tense in the Greek that means Jesus not only was raised but is still alive. He lives forevermore.

George Sweeting writes: “In Glendale, California, at Forest Lawn Cemetery, hundreds of people each year stand before two huge paintings. One pictures the crucifixion of Christ. The other depicts His resurrection. In the second painting the artist has pictured an empty tomb with an angel near the entrance. In the foreground stands the figure for the risen Christ. But the striking feature of that huge canvas is a vast throng of people, back in the misty background, stretching into the distance and out of sight, suggesting the multitude who will be raised from the dead because Jesus first died and rose for them.”

Question: What does Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection mean to you?

About this Author: Charles Stanley

But it wasn’t always this way…

Kimberly married Ron in her early twenties. He was a solid, kindhearted guy and in the very beginning their sex life was wonderful and plentiful. Eventually though, Kimberly found herself becoming increasingly uninterested, and at times almost repulsed by sex with her husband. She began to have vivid memories of a time when a close family relative had sexually molested her when she was a child. She would do her best to block out the images, only to have them crop up again. Although the abuse had been a conscious memory all along, Kimberly’s new marriage seemed to have pushed the memories to the forefront of her mind.

It was in the midst of this darkness and struggle that Kimberly and Ron gave their hearts to the Lord and began the journey that would define the rest of their lives. And while becoming a Christian brought tremendous changes into Kimberly’s life, her feelings about lovemaking remained unchanged.

Kimberly cried out to God in prayer over the increasing darkness that she was experiencing, and with the Holy Spirit’s guidance she began to take steps toward wholeness (we’ll discuss those steps in a minute). Ultimately what Kimberly discovered was that the Lord desired to bring healing to her sexual relationship with Ron. And in the course of time she felt the burden of the dreadful memories lift and her revulsion to lovemaking abate. God brought freedom! Freedom to forgive, freedom to forget, and freedom to enjoy lovemaking the way the Lord intended.

The Ongoing Ramifications of Sexual Abuse

Childhood sexual abuse can scar a woman’s mind and heart, making her unable to give herself fully to her husband. She may feel almost violated by him each time they make love; although her mind knows that her husband has every right to want intimacy from her, her heart tells her she’s being violated. She may even think, I can’t believe he wants this from me! Doesn’t he know how this makes me feel?

Being molested as a child or young adult can set a woman up to feel out of control the rest of her life in the area of sex. The abused woman often misunderstands God’s design for sexual intimacy, and will sometimes only acquiesce to physical unity out of a source of duty, or simply to keep the peace in her home. She has missed the unique beauty and physical thrills of lovemaking, and sees only the ugliness of being taken advantage of.

If I have just described you, my heart hurts that you experienced sexual abuse—but there is healing. True, lasting, deep healing. A healing so real that nothing can ever take it from you.

Steps to Wholeness

As with any work of God in our lives, we almost always play a part in the process. In Kimberly’s case, as well as others like her, there were important steps she took to facilitate this complete healing.

Step 1: Run to The Healer

Kimberly’s restoration process began with prayer. She cried out to God, asking Him to heal her sex life. While it’s true that there are many positive actions a woman can take to help bring forth healing from the pain of childhood abuse, only God can bring forth complete and lasting restoration of a woman’s sexuality. My pastor often teaches that God leaves the “big things for Himself.” Pastor Eric says “The Lord reserves the right to do the ‘big stuff’ in our lives so that He receives the glory. As the Lord enters into our darkest situations and brings life, healing, and hope, we are drawn to Him and we glorify Him.”

In Isaiah 42:3 we gain insight into God’s heart for those who have been bruised and broken by unjust circumstances: A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice. One of the foremost ways in which God brings forth justice for the oppressed is by healing them. He simply brings freedom and wholeness to those who will ask Him for it. He is good… He is faithful… And His mercies never fail!

Step 2: Choose Forgiveness

Early on in her Christian walk Kimberly recognized that she must forgive the family member who had so devastated her by his actions during her childhood years. This decision was pivotal in her quest for wholeness—and one which ultimately opened the door to God’s restoration in her marriage.
Forgiveness is foundational when it comes to receiving healing from the pain of sexual abuse. It’s more then just a good idea—it’s actually the gateway to freedom. In her book, Getting Over the Blues Leslie Vernick says:

God knows that sin destroys us. It is not the sin that is committed against us that wields the fatal blow. Rather, it is our own sinful reaction to the things that have happened to us. Unresolved anger often turns to depression, self-pity, bitterness, and resentment, and these things poison our body and our soul. A person finds healing through the process of forgiveness, both receiving forgiveness and extending forgiveness. That is why God is so insistent that we forgive. He doesn’t want sin to ruin our lives.

Sometimes we resist forgiving those who have offended us because “just letting it go” seems like we’ll make it way too easy on the abuser—as though we’re letting the sinner off the hook and giving them carte blanche to sin again. On the contrary; forgiving someone means that we are putting them fully in the hands of the living God to let Him punish, vindicate, or pardon as He wills it (see Romans 12:17–21). By forgiving the offender, we are not putting our faith in our own ability to exact justice, but resting our faith firmly in a righteous and faithful God.

Step 3: Move Beyond Victim-hood

In her booklet, “God’s Complete Provision for Healing the Pain of Past Childhood Sexual Abuse” Jan Fletcher says:

If you are a victim, for a time you can receive sympathy and that is a very appealing thing. It may be so appealing that you want to stay there. Certainly, there is a time and place to be consoled for the pain of the past, especially pain that was inflicted by others. But we need to be so careful that as those who have suffered childhood sexual abuse, we don’t promote ourselves as victims just to avoid facing our real problems.

When it comes to the healing of sexual intimacy in marriage, a colossal hindrance to enjoying a vibrant love life is a “victim mentality.” If a woman stays a victim, she remains a wounded child. She may appear to be a competent adult, but inside she’s still that crushed little girl who was violated all those years ago. It takes tremendous courage for the abused woman to rise up on the inside and refuse to stay a victim. But as she makes the brave decision to leave the past behind and reach out for God’s healing—He will more then meet her halfway.

When a woman is caught up in the role of victim in her marriage, this often means that her husband is cast in the role of caretaker. She requires “special handling.” And in reality, the abused woman may indeed require special handling for a while. But eventually, the husband’s needs must come into play. He needs a partner, a lover, and someone who is passionate about him. He needs to be able to freely enjoy his wife physically and sexually without feeling guilty about it. The bottom line is this; in order to have a healthy marriage both partners need to freely enjoy one another physically and sexually without feeling fear, guilt or shame.

With God’s help and healing Kimberly began to see herself as a strong, mature, whole, loving, sexual spouse…as Ron’s lover, partner, and friend. When she felt tempted to retreat back into that old familiar role of a wounded, defenseless, frail, unavailable wife—she made the important choice to resist those thoughts and move forward.

“We learn to live differently by living differently, not by thinking about living differently”. Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

As Kimberly lived out of her identity as a strong, mature, whole, loving, sexual spouse that reality became more her identity than her old wounded, defenseless, identity…..

The healing from sexual abuse is many times an intricate issue that requires a plan of action, time, and plenty of patience by both partners. In addition to the three foundational principles we discussed above, more suggestions for the healing of sexual intimacy after the sin of sexual abuse are:

• Enter into qualified Christian counseling
• Seek out several trusted prayer partners for ongoing support during the healing journey
• Institute a regular husband and wife prayer time to begin addressing the issue of sexual healing together

*Names have been changed

Recommended Reading:
The Healing Path: How the Hurts in Your Past Can Lead You to a More Abundant Life by Dan B. Allender
Beyond The Threshold of Hope, by Diane Langberg
Set Free by Jan Coates

Have you experienced something in your past you haven’t been able to talk about? Talk confidentially to an email mentor.