I am not married.

Therefore, I did what I usually do when I need to write about a topic that’s out of my depth.  I found wise, knowledgeable people, and had them do most of the work for me! Last week I emailed some married friends  to ask them for their advice for soon-to-be husbands. (Thanks guys!)

One friend relayed some memorable words he once heard spoken from the pulpit:

Preaching on a park bench is not difficult. Suffering persecution for your faith is not difficult. Doing missions is not difficult. Being a godly and sacrificial husband to your wife every single day that you are alive – now that is difficult.

What came through clearly in my friend’s responses was that marriage is difficult. But not one even hinted that they regretted getting married.  Clearly marriage is worth the effort.

One friend noted the paradox of intimacy.  As wonderful as it is to be in an intimate relationship with your wife (“one flesh”, as it were, Genesis 2:24) this daily closeness will also reveal faults and annoyances that weren’t as apparent before. “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” can be a difficult command. (Colossians 3:19) Through this difficulty though, God helps us to learn to love unconditionally. He helps us to see and acknowledge our own faults and failures, drawing us nearer to Him as we lean on Him for support as husbands attempt to minister and care for their wives.

A husband must be willing to even die for his wife, as Christ was willing to die for His bride, the church. (Ephesians 5:25-33) Being willing to sacrifice everything for your family can be a humbling experience because it takes the focus off yourself. Sometimes that sacrifice can be as simple as cleaning up the house or doing the dishes but even these simple gestures can be profound.

Do you have any tips for Christian husbands-to-be? Please share with us in the comments!

Free Ebook: If any brides-to-be are reading this, you might be interested in our free ebook, “Reflections for a Bride“! (Husbands-to-be, forward that link to your special lady!)

If you are getting married, but are feeling anxious or scared and need someone to talk with, contact an online mentor today to talk privately & confidentially via email. Both men and women mentors are available and you will be matched up with someone who is familiar with the kind of issues you’re going through. If you would simply like someone to pray with you, contact us for prayer.

June (aka “the wedding month”) is only a few months away.

John Shore’s blog post “Embrace Your Wrongness, and 9 Other Tips For Becoming a Better Husband” lists ten humorous yet insightful tips for becoming a better husband. Some of my favorites include:

- Embrace your wrongness. In the course of disagreeing with our wives, what many of we men fail to realize is that, invariably, we’re wrong. We just are. We’re trying to be right — but failing. We can’t help it. It’s the nature of things. Men are bigger, hairier, stronger, and wronger. It’s a fact we should just get used to. God knows our wives have.

- Actually have opinions. Women like men who are clear on what they think, and why they think it. Men, though, enjoy ever waffling. Well, waffles are for kids. Stop it. Commit to thoughts, ideas, and decisions. Sure, you’ll be wrong about whatever it is you decide to think. But you’ll be attractively wrong. Wrong, but studly. That’s the American way.

- Get okay with being late. Women have an internal guide that tells them which things it’s okay to be late for, and which things it’s not. Unfortunately, that guide is written in ancient Venusian. You don’t read ancient Venusian. You don’t read any Venusian. Invest in a hand-held DVD player.

See his entire list for the rest! If you have tips you’d like to contribute please share with us in the comments.

Free Ebook: If any brides-to-be are reading this, you might be interested in our free ebook, “Reflections for a Bride“! (Husbands-to-be, forward that link to your special lady!)

If you are getting married, but are feeling anxious or scared and need someone to talk with, contact an online mentor today to talk privately & confidentially via email. Both men and women mentors are available and you will be matched up with someone who is familiar with the kind of issues you’re going through.

Losing in an Olympic event would be feel disappointing, to say the least.

That was exactly what Netherlands speed skater Sven Kramer faced at the 2010 Winter Olympics. As Kramer skated in the 10,000m competition, his coach, Gerard Kemkers, mistakenly waved him toward the inside track instead of the outside track where the skater had been heading. The coach’s error led to Kramer being disqualified from the race, even though based on his time he placed first and would’ve won the gold medal.

People wondered whether Kramer would be able to forgive his coach. Kramer himself probably wondered if he would be able to forgive. And even if he could, would the rest of his country be able to forgive this public blunder of epic proportions? The chief sports editor for the Dutch newspaper The Telegraph commented that “This is a historic mistake. I think in Holland, over 50 years, we will still remember this mistake.” (Source: NPR)

We have all made mistakes in our own lives. While ours were not likely scrutinized by the world as Kemkers’ was, many of them seem just as meaningful to us, especially moral choices. From lapses in judgment to ignoring our own ethical standards in the misguided pursuit of some goal, the effects of a seemingly simple moral choice can end up haunting us for years.

The result is that many people are saddled with guilt. The proper way to deal with guilt is not denial; but how can we continue to have self-confidence in ourselves despite our mistakes and moral failures? If you feel like you’ve really messed up, you may appreciate Peter’s situation. He claimed he would follow his mentor even to death if necessary, but eventually Peter abandoned his mentor (and best friend). Read about how Peter’s guilt and anxiety were assuaged.

If you are struggling with issues of guilt and anxiety, and need someone to talk with, please contact us to talk today. You will be matched up (confidentially) with someone familiar with your struggles who will reply privately to you via email.

That was exactly what Netherlands speed skater Sven Kramer faced at the 2010 Winter Olympics. As Kramer skated in the 10,000m competition, his coach, Gerard Kemkers, mistakenly waved him toward the inside track instead of the outside track where the skater had been heading. The coach’s error led to Kramer being disqualified from the race, even though based on his time he placed first and would’ve won the gold medal.

People wondered whether Kramer would be able to forgive his coach. Kramer himself probably wondered if he would be able to forgive. And even if he could, would the rest of his country be able to forgive this public blunder of epic proportions? The chief sports editor for the Dutch newspaper The Telegraph commented that “This is a historic mistake. I think in Holland, over 50 years, we will still remember this mistake.” (Source: NPR)

We have all made mistakes in our own lives. While ours were not likely scrutinized by the world as Kemkers’ was, many of them seem just as meaningful to us, especially moral choices. From lapses in judgment to ignoring our own ethical standards in the misguided pursuit of some goal, the effects of a seemingly simple moral choice can end up haunting us for years.

The result is that many people are saddled with guilt. The proper way to deal with guilt is not denial; but how can we continue to have self-confidence in ourselves despite our mistakes and moral failures?

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

If you feel like you’ve really messed up, you may appreciate the apostle Peter’s situation. He claimed he would follow Jesus even to death, but eventually Peter abandoned Jesus when he denied him three times. If guilt is heavy on your heart today, read a short devotional about Peter and God’s forgiveness. The truth is that God forgave Peter, and entrusted him with great responsibility even after his very public failure.

If you have non-Christian friends who are struggling with guilt, you might want to point them to this article written for non-Christians which describes how Peter’s guilt and anxiety were assuaged.

Struggling with issues of guilt and anxiety, and need someone to talk with? Please contact us to talk today. You will be matched up (confidentially) with someone familiar with your struggles who will reply privately to you via email.

Even though it’s been 20 years since I’ve been in school of any kind, September still brings with it the feeling of a fresh start, a clean slate, another chance, of purpose, and of promise.

The desire to be different tugs at my heart. More loving, less demanding, more patient, less of a perfectionist, the longing pulls.

The hope that it’s possible to get off the world’s treadmill to walk instead on the narrow road is renewed.

The Bible says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2)

Mark Buchanan puts it this way. “Transformation is the fruit of a changed outlook. First our minds are renewed, and then we are transformed, and then everything is different, even if it stays the same.” (p 33, The Rest Of God, by Mark Buchanan)

God knows the story of how you arrived where you presently are. He knows the scars you bear, the pain and struggle of your days. He wants to make everything different, even if it stays the same. And the way it happens is through the rehabilitation of our thinking process.

Right thinking includes:

God loves me; I am of infinite worth in His sight.

God is in control; He has a good plan for my life.

Money and stuff are temporary; people are of eternal value.

It’s time to start thinking right, to know how much we are loved by God, to understand our lives have purpose and significance.

It’s time to allow God to transform our minds.

Holy God, I want to think on what is true, not what the world says or values. Renew my mind so that my life will be transformed.

Question: How do you keep your mind focused on what is true, and now merely on what the world says?

About the Author: Suzanne Benner

An article in the New York Times suggested that Oscar is due for another change.  Author Kim Elsesser  asks why, after all this time men and women are not allowed to compete against each other for the Best Actor Oscar? We’ve done away with the term “actress” for the most part but on Oscar night, the divide remains.

She writes:

Since the first Academy Awards ceremony in 1929, separate acting Oscars have been presented to men and women. Women at that time had only recently won the right to vote and were still several decades away from equal rights outside the voting booth, so perhaps it was reasonable to offer them their own acting awards. But in the 21st century women contend with men for titles ranging from the American president to the American Idol. Clearly, there is no reason to still segregate acting Oscars by sex.

It’s certainly an interesting idea, but what struck me most about her comment was that I had genuinely never thought about it before. I did not even notice that the Oscars were gender-split.  I wonder if that’s a good sign or a bad one?  You don’t have to look far beyond our own borders to see that women in North America have it pretty good.  Yes, there are still places where things are unfair.  But in North America no one is altering our bodies without our consent, or forcing us into unwanted marriages or telling us we can’t leave the house.

It’s interesting to think that in the midst of so much positive change, there are still splits that have stood for so long we don’t even see them.  The Best Director category is not gender-specific, nor are any of the technical Oscars, where admittedly there are more men than women in the field.  What are the messages hiding behind our attempts to be inclusive? Elsesser goes on to say that “separate is not equal” which is true, but equal is not always fair. So here’s one more question for your Oscar ballot: do you think the Oscars should be gender-blind?

How do you define yourself? Try our interactive Life Lesson What’s in Your Bag? for an intriguing look at the way we tell our own stories.

Image courtesy of Jeroen Miedema . Used with permission.  You can see more of Jeron’s photos on Flickr.

Do you have a bad habit?

Some bad habits include (but are not limited to) gossiping, smoking, overeating, drinking too much, overspending, and laziness. There’s plenty of other more subtle ones too, like grinding your teeth or being overly sarcastic. And if you’re a student, you may have a whole new set of bad habits to break, like skipping classes, not studying enough, or even cheating on assignments or tests.

Breaking out of these bad habits by our own power simply won’t work. God must be our source for every positive life change we hope to make. Since we follow a great and powerful God who desires to make us new, we shouldn’t lose hope in what He can do in us. Paul tells his readers in Rome near the end of his letter “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

It is in that mindset which I hope you will read “Making Room for the New“. It will encourage you to “be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:23-24)

If you have a bad habit you’ve tried to overcome but just can’t, maybe the encouragement of someone else could help you finally conquer it? Consider contacting an online mentor today who will walk beside you as you learn to trust in God to break your bad habits!

Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “Resting and Trusting” on March 9 at 10:30 am EST. Please join us to discuss how to rest and trust!

“By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.”

Bill Bright had a passion to reach the world with the Gospel. In 1951 at the University of California, Los Angeles, Bill and Vonette Bright founded Campus Crusade for Christ. (Power to Change Ministries is the Canadian division of Campus Crusade for Christ International.) Although the Brights started out with little more than a vision of reaching college students with the Gospel, they trusted in God to provide, and their ministry quickly began to grow. As God blessed it and others saw the same vision and were called into service, the ministry began to thrive. In less than 10 years Campus Crusade was active on 40 US campuses and also in three other countries.

Today, Campus Crusade for Christ International (CCCI) employs over 27,000 missionaries all over the world, most of whom are entirely supported by partnerships with others.  Although Dr Bright went to be with the Lord in 2003, he lived to see his vision fulfilled. CCCI continues to make a positive contribution as the largest evangelical organization in the world.

Dr Bright was a prolific writer, and many of his writings have been put online for the edification of believers everywhere. Not just concerned with “getting saved,” Bright also wanted people to live fully formed spiritual lives as Christians.

If you are a Christian, you will benefit from his writing. One of the most popular series is the ten “Transferable Concepts,” otherwise known as “Lessons for New Christians“. These are life lessons, which are short interactive studies. When you complete one, you will receive a personalized reply via email from a mentor. The first in the series is “How to Be Sure You are a Christian“. If you have been a Christian for a long time, you might want to consider starting with “How You Can Walk in the Spirit.” Try one today!

What many feminists don’t know is that Jesus would have been one of feminists’ greatest allies.

Look at the culture in the Middle East where Jesus lived. Jewish rabbis began every temple meeting with the words, “Blessed art thou, O Lord, for thou has not made me a woman.” Women were excluded from religious life and rarely taught the Torah in privacy. Yet Jesus publically included many women as his disciples, infuriating the religious leaders. He taught crowds of men and women and healed and performed miracles for women as readily as for men.

Jesus also challenged their sexist social laws. At that time there was a law allowing a husband to divorce his wife over anything, for example, dinner not being prepared on time. Imagine the insecurity and cruelty that this law brought to women. And, as you might expect, a wife could never divorce her husband. Jesus however announced that both woman and man had the right to divorce the other, but only on the grounds of adultery, and even then divorce was certainly outside of how God designed marriage to be.

Another social law of their day required stoning to death any woman caught in adultery. The man had no penalty. Knowing how Jesus treated women with dignity, they wanted to know how Jesus would handle this. So one day several men dragged a woman before Jesus, whom they had caught in bed with a man, probably with a friend of theirs. And they challenged Jesus to consent to her stoning. They knew they had Jesus in a no-win situation. If he gave her mercy, he was a wimp and an enemy of their law. If Jesus stoned her, then so much for his uniquely respectful treatment of women, and his teaching about mercy and forgiveness.

Jesus responded by saying that the person in the crowd who had never sinned should be the first one to throw a stone at her. It was probably Jesus’ statement, but also his presence that affected the crowd. One by one they walked away. Jesus turned to the woman who was repentant and totally forgave her, as only God could.

Author Philip Yancey comments, “For women and other oppressed people, Jesus turned upside down the accepted wisdom of his day. According to biblical scholar Walter Wink, Jesus violated the mores of his time in every single encounter with women recorded in the four Gospels.”

It makes sense that it was women who loved him and stood at the cross of Jesus, when most of the male disciples fled for their lives. And it was women to whom Jesus first appeared after rising from the dead after his crucifixion. This is remarkable. Jesus’ resurrection was proof of all of Jesus’ statements in which he identified himself as equal to God.

Though women had little standing in that culture, and no religious authority as spokespersons, Jesus gave them the role of informing others of his resurrection. Why? Maybe Jesus wanted to solidify that it was for the sins of women and for men that he came to die. Maybe Jesus wanted women and men to know that he offers them complete forgiveness and can give them direction, peace, and eternal life.

Copyright 2000 EveryStudent.com. Used with permission.

It might surprise you to learn that the tradition of fasting has very little to do with food

In his article, “Fasting: Is it Healthy?” Darren Hewer explores many aspects of fasting from its health benefits to potential pit falls.   Throughout history people have fasted, for a variety of reasons.  Some fast an act of worship, others do it to create time for prayer and contemplation.  As with all changes to your diet, if you are considering a fast, be sure to talk to your doctor first.

Fasting is often associated with the season of Lent which began a couple of weeks ago.  Some time ago I found a blog post about fasting written by a Catholic Nun.  While I am not Catholic myself, I found her perspective both insight and refreshing.

Sister Julie writes:
Eventually I learned more about fasting in a variety of religious traditions as well as an overall aesthetical practice, a spiritual discipline. I realized that fasting is not about denial but about freedom … freeing ourselves from the things that bind us and keep us from right relationship with ourselves, with others, with creation and with our God. Fasting from food is one form of fasting.

We eat simply (if at all) and only what is necessary. This has a profound effect on the body and frankly feels very good. It also lends itself to a clearness of mind. Just as our body and mind are affected, so also is our spirit. Our fasting from food is a way of simplifying, getting down to basics, clearing oneself to be in a place of openness, receptivity. It gives us a chance to take stock of where we are in our life and what we need to do to continue to grow in life and love. (from anunslife.org)

Sounds lovely doesn’t it? I know that Lent has already started, but there’s still time to put some of that space and freedom to work in your life.  Have you ever participated in a fast? If so, I’d love to hear what you learned from it.