Related:
Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?
How Do I Have Faith After Losing My Child?

“The details remain to be determined. However, Canada’s contribution will not include funding of abortions.”

This was one of International Co-operation Minister Bev Oda’s statements regarding the Canadian government’s recent decision to not include abortion funding along with other G8 funding for things such as family planning and the use of contraceptive methods. This decision (at odds with the other G8 countries) has again sparked the abortion debate.

One of the things that is most frustrating about this debate is how little actual discussion occurs. What flies back and forth is usually rhetoric that ignores the most central questions and does little to bridge divides or change minds.

For example, Mark Fried of Oxfam Canada commented that “imposing Canada’s ideological beliefs is ridiculous.” (MetroNews) But this seems to me to be meaningless rhetoric. At the face of it, Mr Fried is decrying imposing of ideological beliefs while simultaneously doing exactly that. It’s like saying “You shouldn’t tell people what to do!” If people shouldn’t do it, why are you doing it? And note carefully the unwritten assumption behind Mr Fried’s remarks: Taking an anti-abortion stance is “imposing Canada’s ideological beliefs”, but taking a pro-abortion stance would not be. This however is wrong. Either way, Canada would be taking an ideological stance on the issue. The question is whether or not it is the correct stance, and name-calling one stance “ridiculous” does little to further constructive discussion.

Elsewhere in the same article, Paul McPhun, operations director for Doctors Without Borders, decries at one moment excluding abortion in a “black and white way”, and the next moment says that “If you want to reduce maternal mortality, you can’t do it in half measures.” It sounds like Mr McPhun does indeed favor treating abortion in a “black and white way”, except that he favors abortion for all instead of abortion for none.

All of these rhetorical flourishes and tangents ignore what seems to me to be the central question in the abortion issue: Is the unborn a human being? If not, then go ahead and kill it. But if it is, we necessarily must be very careful about any talk of killing it at all! Of course we should be concerned and compassionate towards needs of fellow human beings, especially women in third-world countries, but this compassion should not come at the expense of the lives of other human beings. And so we return to the “central question” above: What is the unborn? For a thoughtful exploration of this issue, please pay a visit to Scott Klusendorf’s CaseforLife.com.

If you are considering getting an abortion, or have had an abortion and are dealing with your decision and/or post abortion syndrome, or just need someone to talk with, please feel free to contact an online mentor confidentially to talk privately via email.

Are you facing life after divorce, abortion, sexual, physical or emotional abuse? We can pray for you.

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EDT.

“The angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay’” (Matthew 28:5-6, NIV).

As we prepare for Easter, it isn’t too difficult as modern day believers to put ourselves in the place of those first followers of Christ.  Those were dark days. Before Jesus’ resurrection, His disciples viewed His arrest, crucifixion and death as events that crushed their hopes. They had believed Jesus was the Messiah, that He would conquer evil and issue in a new kingdom – the kingdom of God. They were confused. Where was the deliverance that Jesus had promised?

We also live in dark days. A girl from my son’s high school was murdered this week. The evil of the world invades our lives.  After His resurrection, when Jesus ascended into heaven, He promised that He would return to earth and take us to be with Him in heaven. So, like the early disciples, we find ourselves in the days between – waiting for His promise to be fulfilled.

The angels’ words, “He has risen, just as He said” is good news indeed. Though there was doubt during the days of waiting, He did fulfill His promise.  Praise God that we have the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, reminding us of His promise to return, strengthening us as we wait, providing us with hope, and filling us daily with the courage to face difficult times.

Although the time seems long and evil surrounds us, Jesus will return, just as He said.

Dear Jesus, thank you for your resurrection, by which we are saved. Thank you also for Your promise to return. Help us to cling to that hope. Amen.

Questions: Do you think about Jesus’ return? How does remembering that the promise of the resurrection was fulfilled help you believe Jesus will return?

About the Author Suzanne Benner

Tim Tebow will be featured in a 30 second advertisement during Superbowl XLIV. In the ad (which no one in the public has seen yet) Tebow will speak about how his mother, Pam, was advised to have an abortion when she was pregnant with Tim, due to medical complications. Pam decided to continue to term, and Tim was born. Today, Tim is a Heisman Trophy-winning American football quarterback for the Florida Gators. He and his family are Christians, and the theme of the ad will be “Celebrate family, celebrate life” and will not specifically mention abortion.

This ad has some pro-choice organizations upset. There has been pressure on CBS, the television network showing the Superbowl and which approved the commercial, to not run it. The National Organization of Women called the ad “extraordinarily offensive and demeaning.”

But columnist Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post, herself a pro-choice advocate, responds that “if there is any demeaning here, it’s coming from NOW, via the suggestion that these aren’t real questions, and that we as a Super Bowl audience are too stupid or too disinterested to handle them on game day.” She notes that “If the pro-choice stance is so precarious that a story about someone who chose to carry a risky pregnancy to term undermines it, then CBS is not the problem.” (Source: Washington Post)

The outcry comes at a time when, for the first time, more people in the USA are pro-life than pro-choice according to a recent Gallup poll survey.

What do you think about this ad controversy? Do you think the controversy is justified? Should CBS run the ad, and why? Does this ad go far enough to educate people about the reality and affects of abortion? Let us know what you think.

If you are struggling with issues regarding abortion (past or present), unwanted pregnancy, or know someone who is, please contact us if you would like to talk. There are mentors who are familiar with your struggles who will talk with you via email, privately & confidentially.

Related reading: From Tears to Triumph – One author’s story of healing and forgiveness from the guilt she felt from having been through abortions.

Tim Tebow will be featured in a 30 second advertisement during Superbowl XLIV. In the ad (which no one in the public has seen yet) Tebow will speak about how his mother, Pam, was advised to have an abortion when she was pregnant with Tim, due to medical complications. Pam decided to continue to term, and Tim was born. Today, Tim is a Heisman Trophy-winning American football quarterback  for the Florida Gators. The theme of the ad will be “Celebrate family, celebrate life” and will not specifically mention abortion.

This ad has some pro-choice organizations upset. There has been pressure on CBS, the television network showing the Superbowl and which approved the commercial, to not run it. The National Organization of Women called the ad “extraordinarily offensive and demeaning.”

But columnist Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post, herself a pro-choice advocate, responds that “if there is any demeaning here, it’s coming from NOW, via the suggestion that these aren’t real questions, and that we as a Super Bowl audience are too stupid or too disinterested to handle them on game day.” She notes that “If the pro-choice stance is so precarious that a story about someone who chose to carry a risky pregnancy to term undermines it, then CBS is not the problem.” (Source: Washington Post)

Regardless of your stance on the pro-life/pro-choice issue, what do you think about this ad controversy? Do you think the controversy is justified? Should CBS run the ad, and why? Let us know what you think.

If you are struggling with issues regarding abortion (past or present), unwanted pregnancy, or know someone who is, please contact us if you would like to talk. There are mentors who are familiar with your struggles who will talk with you via email, privately & confidentially.

Related reading: Abortion changes you – One of our mentors who went through an abortion shares advice based on her experiences

For some people, getting pregnant is the easiest thing in the world.

November is National Adoption Awareness month,  a time to recognize a whole host of miracles.  I am amazed by, and so proud of,  the women who are willing to carry a child they cannot keep.  They tend a miracle for nine months and then do the unspeakably heroic: they let the child go.

Biology is not what makes a family, love is. A husband and wife become family by choosing to love each other forever.  Children enter families the same way, adopted or not.  It is not blood type or genetics that determine love.  Love is always a choice.

As Julie Stobbe wrote in her excellent article, “Life is Not an Accident”:

Through the years my birth mother had become my heroine.  I no longer thought of her as a loser or as an irresponsible young teenager. To me she had become an incredibly courageous young woman, a person of great strength and integrity. She had given me all the things that I never would have had if she had kept me or aborted me. I wanted to hug her and show her I had turned out all right. Every single goal I’ve ever accomplished has been a direct result of her decision to not abort me and to give me to my family. She put my needs before her own. It was not easy, but it was right. She loved me that much.

Life, love, and pregnancy, whether planned or unplanned, these are no ordinary miracles.

To hear the rest of Julie’s story, read her article “Adoption: Life is not an Accident”. If you have questions about adoption, if you’re pregnant and wish you weren’t or are not and wish you were, we’re here for you.  Send us an email and one of our mentors will respond.

Oh, we talk about the best cold medications and if cherry cough syrup tastes better to kids than orange.

Then we clam up. We don’t want to hear. We are threatened. If her child died, mine could, too. What can we do when parenting goes beyond the normal expectations? “What do I say?” friends ask me with a look of agony in their eyes. “I feel so helpless. I can’t empathize, I haven’t had a child die.”

You can help. You don’t have to stand there with a blank stare or excuse yourself from the conversation. You can be informed so that you will be able to reach out to a friend who has lost a child.

“Jump into the midst of things and do something,” says Ronald Knapp author of the book, “Beyond Endurance: When A Child Dies.” Traditionally there are the sympathy cards and hot casseroles brought over to the bereaved’s home. But it doesn’t end there. That is only the beginning of reaching out to your friend or relative who has recently experienced the death of a child at any age.

Here are 15 tips you can learn to make you an effective and compassionate friend to your friend in pain:

1. Listen. When you ask your friend, “How are you doing today?” wait to hear the answer.
2. Cry with her. She may cry also, but your tears don’t make her cry. She cries when no one else is around and within her heart are the daily tears no one sees.
3. Don’t use cliches. Avoid lines like, “It will get better.” “Be grateful you have other children.” “You’re young, you can have another baby.” “He was sick and it is good he is no longer suffering.” There will never be a phrase invented that makes it all right that a child died.
4. Help with the care of the surviving children. Offer to take them to the park, your house for a meal, to church. Say “May I please take Billy to the park today? Is four okay with you?” Don’t give the line, “If you need me, call me.” Your bereaved friend may not feel comfortable with asking for help.
5. Say your friend’s child’s name. Even if she cries, these are tears that heal. Acknowledging that the child lived and has not been forgotten is a wonderful balm to a broken heart.
6. Give to the memorial fund. Find out what it is and give, today, next year and the next.
7. Some mothers start to collect items that bring comfort after a child dies; find out what it is your friend is collecting and buy one for her. My son liked watermelons and we have many stories of watermelons and him. Therefore my house now has assorted watermelon mementoes — a tea pot, kitchen towel and soap dispenser. Many mothers find solace in rainbows, butterflies and angels.
8. Send a card (I’m thinking of you is fine) but stay away from sappy sympathy ones.
9. Go to the grave. Take flowers, a balloon or a toy. How honored your friend will be to see what you have left there the next time she visits the cemetery.
10. Don’t use religion as a ‘brush away’ for pain. Stay clear of words that don’t help like, “It was God’s will.”
11. Don’t judge her. You don’t know what she is going through each day, you can not know of the intense pain unless you have had a child die.
12. Stay in touch. Call to hear how she is coping. Suggest getting together, but if she isn’t up for it, give her space.
13. Read a book on grief, focusing on the parts that give you ideas on how to be a source of comfort for your bereaved friend.
14. Know she has a hole in her heart, a missing piece due to the death of her child. Holes like these never heal so accept this truth and don’t expect her to ‘get over’ this loss.
15. Remember that with the death of her child, a part of her died — old beliefs, ideals, etc. Her life has been forever changed. Let her know your love for her as well as God’s love for her is still the same.

Even as you participate in the suggestions above, you will still feel uncomfortable. It has been three years since the death of my four year-old, Daniel, and even now when I meet a newly-bereaved mother, I am uncomfortable. Talking of the untimely death of a child is never easy for anyone. However, avoiding reality does not bring healing. You will provide many gifts of comfort along the way when you actively decide to help your grieving friend. When my friends and family acknowledge all four or my children, the three on this earth and the one in Heaven, I am honored. Each time it is as though a ray of warm sunlight has touched my soul.

Resources:

When A Child Has Died: Ways You Can Help a Bereaved Parent. Bonnie Hunt Conrad. Fithian Press, 1995.

When Your Friend Is Grieving: Building A Bridge of Love. Paula D’Arcy. Harold Shaw Publishers, 1990.

Beyond Endurance: When A Child Dies. Ronald J. Knapp. New York: Schocken Books, 1986.

Slices of Sunlight, A Cookbook Of Memories. Alice J. Wisler. Daniel’s House Publications, 2000.

Beginning Again
Have you ever wanted to start life over again? I did. This is my story. I’m the third of four children. From all outward aspects, we were the average suburban family, living outside a large city in eastern Canada. But we were not a perfect family – we had our “hidden secrets,” and our “we don’t ever talk about that” situations. What people saw on the outside of our home was not necessarily a reflection of the inside. From an early age, there were events that took place in my life … Read the full story

Take action: Are you interested in beginning again, but past hurts & negative emotions are holding you back? Why not try our free online interactive study series Dealing with Hurts & Emotions?

You said it: This week william commented on “My Wife’s Affair Shattered our Marriage” saying, “this article has helped me beyond belief but i still have long way to go with my wife it’s like i am seeing our history of marriage in front of me.” Join the discussion on TheLife.com!

Article: Alaska Inside Passage Adventure
For those who love the wild untamed North Country and want to experience an adventure that will give you a life time of memories, floating through the Inside Passage on the Alaska Marine Highway ferry system is the way to go.

Video Blog: Street Level – Do We Have Souls?
This week we asked: “As humans, is there something more to us than our physical bodies or are we simply flesh and blood machines?”

Coming up next week: The questions for discussion are: If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it? Join us in the chat room February 1st, 2009 @ 12:15 pm EST (See also our full chat calendar.)