Have you ever made decisions about your relationships based on your feelings instead of the facts? When it comes to love, feelings rule the day. Emotions guide the ship. Goose bumps call the shots. But should they? Can feelings be trusted? Can a relationship feel right but be wrong?

Feelings can fool you. Yesterday I spoke with a teenage girl who is puzzled by the lack of feelings she has for a guy. Before they started dating, she was wild about him. The minute he showed interest in her, however, she lost interest.

I’m thinking also of a young mom. Being a parent isn’t as romantic as she anticipated. Diapers and midnight feedings aren’t any fun, and she’s feeling guilty because they aren’t. Am I low on love? she wonders.

How do you answer such questions? Ever wish you had a way to assess the quality of your affection? A DNA test for love? Paul offers us one: “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 NIV). In this verse lies a test for love.

Want to separate the fake from the factual, the counterfeit from the real thing? Want to know if what you feel is genuine love? Ask yourself this:

Do I encourage this person to do what is right? For true love “takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 JB).

If you find yourself prompting evil in others, heed the alarm. This is not love. And if others prompt evil in you, be alert.

Here’s an example. A classic one. A young couple are on a date. His affection goes beyond her comfort zone. She resists. But he tries to persuade her with the oldest line in the book: “But I love you. I just want to be near you. If you loved me …”

That siren you hear? It’s the phony-love detector. This guy doesn’t love her. He may love having sex with her. He may love her body. He may love boasting to his buddies about his conquest. But he doesn’t love her. True love will never ask the “beloved” to do what he or she thinks is wrong.

Love doesn’t tear down the convictions of others. Quite the contrary.

“Love builds up” (1 Cor. 8:1).

“Whoever loves a brother or sister lives in the light and will not cause anyone to stumble” (1 John 2:10).

“You are sinning against Christ when you sin against other Christians by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong” (1 Cor. 8:12 NLT).

Do you want to know if your love for someone is true? If your friendship is genuine? Ask yourself: Do I influence this person to do what is right?

From A Love Worth Giving
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2002) Max Lucado
Used by permission

Question: Have you been influencing people you know (at home, work, school …) to do what is right?

About this Author: Max Lucado

“What’s love got to do with it?” Tina Turner famously asked.

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Please open your Bible and read: Proverbs 4:1–5.

Godly wisdom is gained by yielding to the Spirit’s control and practicing certain disciplines on a consistent basis. These include praying regularly and maintaining commitment, obedience, and devotion to God. Other factors are:

Observation. Watching how the Lord works teaches important truths. For example, as evidence that worry is senseless, Scripture points to nature. God’s attentive care of wildflowers and birds should help us trust in His provision for His children. (Matthew 6:25–28)

Discernment. By noticing the lives of both godly and ungodly people, we can acquire wisdom. As we hear their words and observe the results of their choices, we will learn the blessings of obedience and the consequences of wrongdoing.

Godly counsel. (Proverbs 12:15) The Lord sometimes uses other people to give direction for our lives. Whether they speak encouragement or correction, we can trust their words when their advice lines up with Scripture and is confirmed by the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Wise Associates. (Proverbs 13:20) We can benefit greatly by spending time with individuals who know the Lord and routinely respond in a godly manner. Before developing close relationships, we should observe other lives. As we notice people who reflect wisdom in thought and deed, we should imitate their discerning ways.

God wants us to pay attention to what we see and hear and be deliberate in our choice of companions. Having a godly perspective leads to God – honoring action.

Question: How do you your friends provide wisdom to help guide you, and how can you help guide others?

About this Author: Charles Stanley

TheLife.com is now PowerToChange.com!

This site is maintained by TruthMedia, a division on Power to Change. Over the next days and weeks this site, along with several others will be moving into a new format branded as Power to Change.

All of your favorites will still be here along with a bunch of new features we’re excited to share with you. Now all of our audiences will have access to blogs, comments and videos along with more frequent updates, bigger images and a wider range of content.

She Won’t Change her Last Name
“My fiance and I have a great relationship, but there is one thing we cannot agree on. She made a promise to herself, when she was a child, that she wasn’t going to change her last name when she got married. Now that we are together, her idea of a compromise is to wait till she finishes college to change her name to the married name. This is very difficult for me. Am I just being an old-fashioned dinosaur about this?” So what should he do? Advice: Read more

Take action: Did you get married this summer? Congratulations! Why not try one of our marriage online interactive life lessons? (And if you know someone who was recently married, these would be great for them to explore too!)

You said it: This week, aj commented on Quotes on Success, saying “i like those messages here, it enlighten me so much” Read this article and add your own thoughts: Read more

Video: Internet Identity Theft
Are you protected? Identity Theft is an evolution in crime. We decided to take the issue of this criminal epidemic to the streets to ask for your opinions. Read more

Blog: Shushed in the Library
Should religious discussion be kept out of all public spaces? Read the story and add your own thoughts! Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Count It All Joy” Join us in the chat room September 29th 2009 @ 4:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

That’s my opening salvo as I wake up with my morning coffee. I haven’t brought along flowers or chocolates. I haven’t written a small poem expressing my undying affection (I haven’t even technically asked a question…or showered).

My wife responds, “Why don’t we go out this Friday instead?”

It’s midweek, and I’ve recently survived having twelve children — under the age of eight — under one roof for the past week. Freshly-planted flowers, lawn ornaments, and great-grandmothers have been under siege by flying footballs and undersized shoes. The kids have dominated the agenda from the time the youngest wakes up to the time when the oldest falls asleep. But now, in the relative quiet, one thought percolates in my brain as I greet this morning’s coffee:

“Did I talk to my wife today?”

The reality of married life when children are part of the equation, is that much of life becomes about the kids. Between blowing out the candles on a first birthday cake and graduating from university, it is easy to get lost in the race to stay involved. Children are wonderful gifts from God, and it is right to want to speak volumes of love and truth into their lives. After all, they’re your kids. Feeding, entertaining, challenging, listening, and loving kids to their fullest potential is an excellent (and realistic) use of time. After all, it’s all about the kids.

It’s all about the kids?

This phrase has been repeated by parents across the world. It’s all about the kids. Get the kids to soccer, take them to Disneyland, help them with their school projects. It’s all about the kids. Recently, on an episode of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, this mantra was repeated once again. For a couple with eight kids, this phrase takes on a new reality. To program the lives of eight little ones is an exhausting thought in itself. Making a relationship work between two people is difficult enough. It would be even more difficult with eight kids involved. As events have unfolded on the show, and the marriage has broken down, the parental chant has been echoed: it’s all about the kids.

In North America, the divorced family has become the normal state of operation. It’s not the place of this article to heap scorn on the divorced family unit. However, this is not the best case scenario either. Given a choice between a healthy marriage versus an amicable separation, I think that an overwhelming majority would vote for the former.

Making a healthy choice

Perhaps, it might not be all about the kids. If life is all about the kids, what is the point of marriage? Many marriages are all about the kids because there is nothing going on between the parents. Priorities can shift to the point that the kids become the only conversation in the room.

Newly engaged or married couples should take note – it can never be just about the kids. As a parent, life is messy and frantic, but if it is to be all about the kids then it must be all about mom and dad’s relationship too. If a healthy family dynamic is the goal, then a healthy relationship between husband and wife must be cultivated. Healthy marriages make for healthy families.

If it really is all about the kids, then start where it matters. The marriage relationship mirrors a deeper sense of love and commitment than any backpacking trip to the mountains or new toy could ever teach. The love kids see between their parents educates them on how to give and receive love, and will set them up for success later in life. As much as it is up to you, let your kids see you love, respect and genuinely like their other parent.

Marriage is a continual work in progress, whether the kids are still at home or not. With that in mind, here are a few tips to keep a marriage healthy, even while continuing to chase the kids all over the country.

The value of hello - Mornings and nights are non-negotiable times for hello. Make sure to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’. There’s something about touching base, even if it’s for a moment, that helps your partner to know that they’re appreciated. Don’t let a day pass in silence.

Date night – My wife and I have gone months without a night out — and we’ve regretted it. Dates should be a regular occurrence. Aim for at least once every two weeks. If babysitters are an issue, find a friend to take the kids. Give yourself the freedom to get out (and limit any talk about the kids to the time you’re in the car so that supper conversation can focus on other things).

Turn off the TV - Nights are a great time to unwind in front of the television, but it can consume all the time you have to be together. Make sure TV watching doesn’t become the default habit when the kids are finally in bed. Those quiet hours are few and far between. Use them wisely.

Together It - Plan an event in the week to do something together. Note: this does not apply to changing diapers or cleaning the house. Do something fun – make a pizza, play a game, it doesn’t matter what you do, just make sure it’s something together!

Be intimate - Holding hands is for teenagers…and married couples too. Being intimate is a key component to a healthy marriage. Everyone has been created for intimacy. If this is being withheld at home, chances are a person will seek it out elsewhere, often in unhealthy places.

Recently, I had the opportunity to walk behind my future. I was walking behind an older couple who were hurriedly bustling home from a live theater performance. They seemed comfortable enough to walk together in silence. After a few minutes, they still hadn’t said anything. And, did I mention, they were hurrying like their house was on fire? This thought occurred to me “Is this what the future of my marriage looks like?”

I hope not. Fifty years from now I don’t want to be hurrying through life physically beside my wife but not really with her. This is why it’s important to make these choices now. I want a relationship that will last beyond the kids’ time at home. It’s time for a date.

Join us for our Daily Devotional Chat today in our Women’s Chatroom at 10:30 am EDT.

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up” (Romans 15:1, 2).

“It’s taken me so long to learn some wisdom, and now nobody wants to hear it!” a woman laughed.

We’d been talking about our grown children and how to communicate with them. We concluded, that, although they want our support, they don’t necessarily want our advice. On the contrary, we might get the response, “You just don’t understand.”

So how can we best help our grown children? By being encouragers!

Isn’t that what most of us want? Somebody who will believe in us, hear us when we’re hurting, and cheer us on when we’re running the race.

How I thank God for people who encouraged me when life was tough. Like Mr. and Mrs. Ed Turner, both in their nineties. Whenever I felt discouraged, I knew I could go to this couple’s home. Mrs. Turner would serve me a cup of tea and Mr. Turner would position himself so as to hear me better. I had one hour in which I could unburden myself. Then he’d say, “We’ve heard enough now, Helen. Let’s take it to the Father.”

He prayed a most heartfelt prayer. Sometimes, he’d give me a Scripture to hang onto like the following: “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 62:5, 6).

His parting words to me would be: “Now leave it with God, Helen. He’s perfectly able to take care of this for you.” Come to think of it, Mr. Turner gave me very little advice. Perhaps he’d learned the wisdom of when to be quiet. Like the Bible says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).

Father, I thank you that You are working in our children’s lives. Help me to have the wisdom of patience the Bible speaks about.

Questions: How can you encourage your grown children today? How can you build someone up in the faith? Perhaps a neighbor or a friend or a perfect stranger.

About the Author Helen Grace Lescheid

Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, Discipleship: Renewing your Mind, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog

Summer can be a great time of year to add a fur-person to your family.

Growing up, we were cat people. Except for my college years, I’ve almost always had a pet. This past year I’ve been without one and it has amazed me to see all the little things I don’t do now that there isn’t an animal in the house. Being pet-free is certainly easier, but I’d argue that it isn’t as much fun. Adding an animal to your household is a big decision. Is your lifestyle pet-friendly? Are you prepared for the cost, in time and dollars, of having a pet? How do you find the animal that’s right for you?

If you’re wondering whether or not your family is ready for the fun and responsibility of pet ownership, Nicole Wiebe, in her article, “Is Your Family Ready for a Pet?” has some great questions to think through before you bring home that adorable bundle. Think carefully and choose wisely. If your family is ready, summer can be a great time to bring home a new forever friend.

My husband of twelve years is becoming very distant, non-communicative and unaffectionate towards myself and our children. There is very little communication between us. I feel I give to him all the time and he takes and doesn’t give back. There is no romance anymore, and sex just feels like another chore to me. I feel we are headed for a breakup. I know we need counselling, but I think we have gone beyond that. I feel unhappy all the time, lonely and depressed (there is no other woman involved).

It is never too late for counselling. Sometimes there are underlying things going on in the relationship. Sometimes its drugs, sometimes pornography, sometimes a deep woundedness, lack of communication tools, etc. If nothing else the partner who wants to grow can find ways to get on with their life, even if the partner isn’t interested and sometimes it may be best to break up. It is good to explore all the options with a counselor before papers are filed. Some couples don’t understand the cost of going through with a divorce and when they find out what it was going to cost, they begin to put in more work.

I am 25 years old. I am worrying about sex with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like to use condoms and persuades me that it is safe if we just interrupt sex, but I am always afraid of pregnancy. Maybe I can calculate my safe days before or after menstruation? After sex I cannot get to sleep and I still feel very exited because he is near me. I feel very confused.

If you have sex, you can get pregnant. Condoms don’t always work. Without condoms he may enjoy it more, but will he help support you for the next 18 years while you raise his son? The only way to prevent pregnancy (and sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS) is not to have sex. My married friend–with seven children–never intended to get pregnant. She relied on calculating the safe days. For the most part she did pretty well–she only miscalculated seven times in fifteen years.

I believe God made sex natural and fun, because He originally intended people to populate the earth. He also planned on children being raised in the context of a loving family. If you aren’t prepared to do the family part, you might want to consider waiting for sex until marriage. – Dr. Ginger

Today the kids were eating a hamburger in the car, and they were looking for a drink. My husband says to the kids, “Grab your bottle of water” (they keep a bottle in the car at all times). Well, I remembered I had a can of soda in my purse, so I gave it to them, and he says I undermined his authority! I didnt think it was a big deal, but he did.

Our lines of communication keep getting crossed and its a problem and is causing major conflict. How do you communicate with your spouse? Plus this submission thing. Can you explain just briefly (yeah, right) a little on these matters? I need help!

Advice: It sounds like you and your husband need to go back to the basics of improving your communication and coming to terms with how you discipline and work together as a team with the children.
The passages on submission and headship in the Bible (Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3) emphasize the importance of love, consideration and respect between spouses. In this context, it is always important to note that power and control should not characterize the marriage relationship. Colossians 3:18-19 reads, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Ephesians 5:22-29 (excerpts) says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…(25), Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her… husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies…” (I encourage you to read the whole passage).

Pastor Ray Pritchard’s sermon, “Men and Women in Biblical Perspective” deals with this issue quite well. This sermon would be good for both of you to read, think about and discuss.

Pastor Ray writes: “Headship” means that God has called the man to lead his home—and will therefore hold him personally responsible for what goes on in his home. The emphasis is on responsibility and accountability, not on authority and power.”

There are times when a wife cannot submit when it means relinquishing God’s standards or means giving up her safety in the case of domestic violence. Sarah told Abraham to get rid of Hagar (his other wife/concubine) and God backed her up saying to Abraham “do what she told you.” Yes, there are instances where wives stood up for what is right and did not submit. Yet, in 1 Peter 3 it says that Sarah obeyed Abraham in everything.

In your situation, you and your husband need to come to mutually agreeable terms about how to raise and discipline your children together.

Submission is a word which can be described/defined as “willing conciliation.” That means that the wife should be “willing,” not coerced. Wives are to respect their husbands. Husbands are to be considerate of their wives. Both partners should be willing to “put the other’s interests above his/her own” as Philippians 2 describes. The woman should be willing to submit to her husband not be unwilling or forced. The man should be a loving, servant leader – accountable and responsible to God and his family. A loving leader leads –doesn’t manipulate or pressure. A submitter doesn’t “take over.”

Aquila and Priscilla are wonderful role-model of how a couple can work together harmoniously as a team. In Acts they taught Apollos and led him to Christ – offering hospitality to believers and were co-workers with Paul.

Marriage should be mutual servanthood and treated as a ministry. Larry Crabb talks about this principle in his book on marriage.

I encourage you to ask your husband to go to counseling with you or to talk with your Pastor. It sounds like there are power and control issues between you. These issues are very destructive.

Read a good marriage book together or attend a marriage conference such as: Christian Prep or a Family Life seminar/conference.

These books will help you understand each other and learn some better communication skills:

• A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage, by Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, Susan Blumberg, Dean Edell.
• The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, by Gary Chapman
• His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard F. Harley.

I hope you find this helpful. It’s important that your husband and you work together about parenting issues. Talk over some of these issues and come to a mutually agreeable decision. If your husband is always making the decisions without your input and considering your opinion –then, you are headed for trouble. In Colossians 3 Paul tells the husband to be considerate of and respect his wife.

May you work this out in a loving way. God bless you!