I have a good friend whose daughter has a fantastic singing voice and is sailing through a bunch of open doors in the music business in L.A. and Hollywood. It has thrown her, as a Christian, into a largely non-Christian world, and my friend called me today to record his appreciation for the things I have been discussing here lately in regards to our purpose-driven mission as Christians in the world.

In light of this, he told me how his daughter is often asked to answer questions like “Are you one of those born again Christians?” to which she responds, “Well, what do you mean by ‘born again?’” Pretty consistently the answer she gets to that question prompts her to say, “Well if that’s what you mean, no, I’m not.” What then transpires is an opportunity for her to tell what she does believe. Inevitably, people are more interested in her definition, and are much more willing to accept her as a Christian.

I suppose she could answer the “born again” question in the affirmative and end the discussion right there, but nothing would be gained.

Her open-ended response is wise for two reasons.

1) It gives her an opportunity to correct what wrong impressions people have of Christianity.

2) It allows her to tell her own story and put the meaning of her faith into her own words.

Talking about Jesus needs to be more about meanings than about words, anyway. As Christians we get so wrapped up in words that we don’t stop to consider what meanings our words are conveying. That’s why we need to ask questions instead of just giving answers. I think sometimes we hide behind words because then we don’t have to think about the meaning of what we say. We can just say it, go on our way, and feel justified for having said the right thing.

Memorized phrases and stock words only mean something to those who are already members of the Christian club. They provide a certain security against not knowing what to say. On the other hand, if you have a living, vibrant relationship with God through Christ, you will never be at a loss for words when asked about your faith. It will be the most natural thing to talk about, and you will be able to phrase your response in terms that will take into account the person you are talking to.

Next time someone asks if you are a Christian, ask what he or she means by “Christian.” You might just have the chance for a real conversation, and in the process, find out what you really believe!

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:5-6)

Question: How do you respond when asked about your faith?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Use today’s devotional as a prayer:

Father, teach me to wage spiritual war in your manner and not according to the world. Guide me to live—to fight, argue, and enter conflict—with weapons of the Spirit and not weapons of the flesh.

Be my strength, Lord, when I am up against the wall. Father, bring me to a point where I no longer have any confidence in the flesh, but my confidence is only in you. Lord, train me so that when I face conflict, discouragement, or temptation—when I collide with any obstacle—I rely on you and your way.

The truth says you’ve given me the power and authority to demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of you.

So, rather than getting into arguments, I can point to the truth and state it. Lord, make me ready to use the tools you provide and show me how to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against” you. Show me how to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. Show me how to do that, and show me what to do. I commit to doing what you teach me to do.

May this be so, my Lord.

Question: Where do you have opportunities to do what this verse says in your own life and circumstances?

Kids. Sex. Money.

Why would that be? With over 400-million users, Facebook has become the preferred communication vehicle for connecting with friends and family, and has quickly integrated into the daily routines of adults of all ages. In its wake, many spouses are grappling to keep up with their feelings towards their mates’ rate of reconnected relationships, degrees of convenience connecting to the online social network, and their level of devotion to the website.

In fact, based off the research for our book, Facebook and Your Marriage (which included personal interviews with Facebookers, conversations with therapists, surveying many blogs and websites, and reading the dozens and dozens of comments on Facebook) we’ve discovered that when a spouse says “Facebook is an issue in my marriage,” it is a cry for help without an understanding of what the real problem is.

They mistakenly blame the website when it is most likely one of these five common Facebooking issues.

#1) Time spent on Facebook
Users spend over 500 billion minutes a month on Facebook. (That’s just short of a million years!) Whether they’re playing Mafia Wars or Farmville, corresponding with people or browsing profiles, the amount of time spent ON Facebook is often viewed as time spent AWAY from the family. And for some, they lose all track of time. Too much Facebook attention can create face-to-face tension between a husband and wife.

#2) Facebook Friends
The average user has 130 Facebook Friends. While the master computers at Facebook try to identify connections between users due to common interests, related friends, and past experiences, it is up to the user to “accept” or “decline” a Friend Request. Married Facebookers can unknowingly create a “situation” with their spouse by friending ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, old flames, former crushes, or past love interests. Other problem Facebook Friends include: a nosy in-law or parent, a wacky family member, a friend who is a bad influence, or a toxic co-worker. All of whom, because they’re online friends with one spouse can affect the real-time life of the other spouse.

#3) Facebook etiquette
Not only is Facebook the largest and fastest growing online social network, it is also the most active with half of all users logging in at least once a day. With so many people passing on so much information at such a rapid pace, many can find themselves regretting or second guessing an update or comment they made for the world to see. Some married people forget that the rant against a spouse, the complaint about their marriage, or putting down their mate in an update can create a tense situation on and off of Facebook.

#4) Facebook updates and comments
On average, users create 70 pieces of content on Facebook per month (updates, uploaded pictures, comments, etc). This opens the door for miscommunication, misreading a comment, inappropriate interactions, and more. For married Facebookers who write border-line comments, offer “TMI” on updates, or chat with questionable friends it can create problems on the home front with an embarrassed, hurt or angry spouse.

#5) Discussions about Facebook
For many of those over the age of thirty, this is their first time ever being a part of an online social network. The feelings of uncertainty and anxiety are fairly normal and valid as they try to understand how to operate and function in a 24/7 online community. If they’re married, they are also viewing what their spouse is doing on Facebook. Any expressed concerns about friends, comments, or communications may be quickly dismissed by the other spouse with, “it’s only Facebook,”, “it’s just a website,” or “it’s not real, I’m just having fun.”

With these common Facebooking issues, the sooner couples learn how to talk about setting up boundaries and using common sense in this social media age, the better off they will be. Especially since being a part of an online social network is not going away anytime soon…or ever.

Our new book, Facebook and Your Marriage, combines our Facebook experiences, marriage education training, and fifteen years of marriage to help couples handle all five of these Facebook-related arguments.

Here’s how Facebook and Your Marriage can help:

#1) Time-saving tips, time-balancing input, and a framework on how to talk about time spent on Facebook and set boundaries without turning it into a lengthy, never ending argument.

#2) Insightful input on sending and accepting Friend Requests and how to set up boundaries surrounding Facebook Friends to protect marriages from potential problems including high-maintenance people or the chances for an emotional affair!

#3) Basic rules for (online) civility and practical ideas for couples to create their own Facebook etiquette so that both husband and wife can decide what is and is not acceptable to post on Facebook!

#4) All sides of the issues related to public and private correspondences, as well as no-nonsense advice on what should and should not be written in updates and comments!

#5) Successful tools and skills that work so couples can have discussions about online issues, share concerns, and talk about their relationship so both sides are heard, understood and everyone wins!

Facebook and Your Marriage reads like a series of online discussion boards in book form, making it easier for couples to find answers to over 120 common questions and issues ranging from Facebook basics to marriage stressors!

Hopefully, Facebook and Your Marriage can help bring peace between husbands and wives…on Facebook and at home.

Buy the Book here:

http://store.powertochange.org/p-392-facebook-and-your-marriage.aspx

Related Articles:
The Secret to Long-term Romantic Bliss
Tools for Building an Intimate Marriage
How to Have a Good Fight: Resolving Marital Conflicts

Are you feeling ready to walk away from a relationship – are you possibly even considering divorce? We want to pray for you.

Everything had gone wrong in Job’s life. He’d lost his children, his possessions, his business and even his reputation as a righteous man. Throughout all of this, God was silent.  “If only God would tell me why, it would be easier to take.” Have you ever said that?

But is this really what we need most? Would an explanation really help us with our pain?

From experience I know that we don’t need answers as much as we need a comforting presence.  We need the assurance that we’re not alone. We need hope that we’ll get through this and good will come out of it eventually.

This became very real to me when I thought I’d lost everything I valued in life. “But you haven’t lost me,” I heard God saying. I knew then that I had what I need to get through it.  Many times God does not give us answers, He gives us Himself — for He Himself is the answer.

Job discovered this. “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you,” he exclaimed. “and I repent in dust and ashes.” When he saw the greatness of God, Job wondered, why did I ever doubt?

Dear Father, I want to trust you even when I don’t understand. I believe that you are lovingly and thoughtfully putting together this life-package for me. I want to know you in a deeper way. Amen.

Questions: How do you respond when it seems you have lost all that matters to you? What is it that one needs most in life?

About the Author Helen Grace Lescheid

Romance for Dummies
Romance is a vital part of the female persona. Men rarely, if ever, say something like: “Oh, how romantic, ” or, “My ideal woman is a true romantic.” While I really don’t have high romantic needs, my wife does. God created her with that built-in need, and He created me to meet it. So even though romance isn’t naturally a high priority for me, I need to enter into that realm for her benefit. It’s part of loving her sacrificially. Read the full article.

Take action: Our newly redesigned online interactive study Lovebusters: Dealing with Demands will help improve your marriage by focusing on the difference between selfish demands and thoughtful requests.

You said it: This week Ashley shared on the Lessons from Sodom women’s devotional, saying “WOW!!! I think this devotional really hit home with our sins and what we need to take responsibility for. Sometimes things are not as bad as they seem and we tend to overreact. Thanks!!!” Join the conversation on TheLife.com Devotional for Men and TheLife.com Devotional for Women, each updated daily!

Experience TheLife Blog: What’s Worth Fighting About?
Which issues that Christians should not be willing to compromise about, and which issues can Christians respectfully disagree but still hold fellowship together? Discuss on the Experience Blog! Read more

Devotional: God in Nature
Although God’s image which he imbued to us upon creation has been defaced by our sin, it can never be entirely erased. Similarly, although the world is corrupt, God’s glory continues to peek through the dark clouds, providing illumination for all who allow God’s light to shine in their hearts. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Cultivating Joy” Join us in the chat room July 16th 2009 @ 9:30pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

The Genesis Debate

- 24 Hour View: The days in Genesis 1 are six sequential days, each one being 24 hours long.

- Day-Age View: The days in Genesis 1 are six sequential ages of time, each one being of unspecified but finite duration.

- Framework View: The days in Genesis 1 are presented as normal days but are intended as a figurative expression of God creating and resting.

The question I’m curious about is not which of these views is right, but instead whether this issue is worth fighting about among Christians? All of these views attempt to take the biblical text seriously, and all affirm that “God created the heavens and the Earth.” (Genesis 1:1) I’m not at all suggesting that the issue is irrelevant, but should we be so fixated on the “how” that we lose sight of the “who” and the “why” behind creation?

Too often Christians find themselves fighting not against the sin and corruption in our fallen world (and in ourselves), but instead against one another. How can we as Christians know which issues are worth fighting about and which issues we can respectfully disagree? And how can we seek to have respectful dialogue among those with whom we disagree?

Related reading: Brigitte Straub’s devotional “The Call to Unity” explores the importance of being united in Christ.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19 NIV).

One of the most common causes of frustration and friction in relationships is that we don’t really listen to each other. Too often we talk at each other rather than with each other.

Fortunately, listening is a skill that can be developed.

The benefits of learning how to listen are enormous: fewer mistakes, better negotiating, greater wisdom, more friends, less arguments, and much more.

The Bible tells us to be “Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19 NIV).  If you master the first two skills, the third will be automatic.
Three things hinder our hearing:

Presumption: when we think we already know it all. “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13 NIV).

Impatience: when we interrupt and jump to conclusions. “There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking” (Proverbs 29:20 NLT).

Pride: when we’re defensive and unteachable. “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15 NIV). You can learn from anyone if you know the right questions to ask.

Let me suggest three hearing aids:

Listen with your eyes. Probably 80% of communication is non-verbal. Facial expressions and body language usually tell the real story. Look at people when you listen to them!

Listen with your heart. Be sympathetic. Tune in to the emotions behind the words.

Make time to listen to the people around you. In the business world, Tom Peters calls this “Managing by Walking Around,” or MBWA. Imagine how your relationships could be transformed if you focused on carefully listening to those around you.

Lord, open my ears to hear today. Amen.

Questions: Can you think of a situation where if you would have listened with patience that things would have resulted in a more positive way? Why do we have so much trouble listening to what people say? What is the result of good listening skills?

About this Author Rick Warren

Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, God Smiles when we Use our Abilities, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog

How many sentences stick out in your mind as those that took aim at a dream or challenged a purpose or pulled down a belief? Maybe one, maybe a dozen. It could be the story of your life – time and time again, your dreams fell prey to haphazard words and stinging remarks.  It could remain the story of your life or you could take these words, examine them for any worth and keep going. See, that’s the key with words. They have power, but only as much as you give them. So the great question is: how much power are you giving them?

For me, I escaped the junior high teasing and the last name mangling. The worst I got was the grade school song about being paired with a boy and “sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g”. I am so thankful I didn’t have to learn the power of negative words until I was old enough to better handle them.  I say that because, now at 24, I’ve taken in a few sharp jabs this year. The sharpest took a direct shot at my future and my dreams. I have a strong and healthy relationship with the person who said them, maybe that’s why it stung, because it was so unloving and out of character.

Careless words

I had just returned from traveling, and was telling family friends some stories. The question that inevitably follows is, “What are you going to do now?” Since I am forever full of wanderlust dreams, my mouth dove headfirst into my thoughts of places like Cambodia, Nepal and India. I mentioned my hope to grab my backpack, book a one-way flight and just go. The response? “Ah, well, someday you’ll stop trying to swim upstream.”

I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I had been asked to give up on my dreams, to be quiet and to let resignation run through my veins instead of adventure. I was too shocked to say anything at all. So I didn’t say a word. I just avoided responding and conversation turned to something else.

There were a lot of mixed feelings left in the wake of those words. In part, I was hurt and I was also quite angry. Then asked myself these questions: Why did they say that? Was it intentional? Do they know how that made me feel?  Words affect us. They linger.  When these words stuck around, I had two choices – take them to heart, or throw them out.

Take them to heart

I could have absorbed them right into my heart and allowed them to start tearing down my confidence. Negative thoughts and words can easily take the place of positive ones.   Before you know you’re repeating someone else’s unchecked words to yourself instead of strong assurances. Just one comment and out goes what you believed you could do.

Recognize their worth, and then throw them out

For me, it took about one night’s sleep to see right through these words. If someone points out that you’re fighting your way upstream, they’re most likely riding with the current and doing what everyone else is doing. There are a million reasons why they could have said it, but one thing is for sure: it wasn’t encouraging. It’s enough of a challenge to fight the current without people discouraging you from doing so.  I decided that I’m not going to make it any even bigger challenge by letting the noise of others’ opinions slow me down. Not now, not ever. Those words had no value so out they go.

Making a choice

I had a choice. You do too. You can choose to let discouraging words rip your dreams apart and make you feel small or you can refuse to let words with no value affect you. Be prepared to continue to make this choice over and over because, people are going to say reckless and off-handed things to you your whole life. The words could be about your purpose, appearance, choices or dreams. We’re human and no one will ever have complete control over their own tongue. But whatever they are taking aim at, it will always come down to a choice on your part.

So where do you stand today? Are you harboring hurt feelings over something that has been said to you? What particular instances or words still ring in your head? Take whatever words are coming to mind and look at how they have affected you and the emotions they evoke. If they stir up anger, revenge, bitterness, pain, or anything resembling heartache, then they are still hurting you now, long after they’ve been said. Acknowledge them and decide what to do with them.

Take them to heart? They will keep you small and continue to replace positive and true things that would serve to spur you on.  Recognize their worth and throw them out? That would require you facing them square-on and choosing to believe that they have no truth or influence over you. Leaving words behind in the dust is a conscious choice.

Choosing to act

If the words are still painful, they might be something you need to talk about with the person who said them. Not a confrontation or an argument, just a simple acknowledgment between two people. It gives you the opportunity to express how their words hurt your heart and it also gives the other person an opportunity to be aware of how their words affected you. Maybe they had long forgotten their remark and had no idea their words still lingered.

Either way, you need to bring those words under a microscope. If all they do is dictate what you’re incapable of doing or how silly your dreams are or make every imperfection you’ve ever felt stand out, then why are you hanging on to them? They don’t strengthen you or make you believe in yourself, so they need to go.

Today could be the day that you release your heart and your mind from the echo of hurtful words. I did. I’ve never looked back and wondered, “Could they be true?” I knew that they weren’t and kept going. I challenge you to do the same. Clean out the tapes of painful remarks and usher out their influence. Trust me, you won’t look back.

Looking for further help to balance your life? Or would you feel better talking out your situation with a patient listener?

More on communication:

5 Levels of communication
Where do we go from here?
Asking the right questions

Image credit: harold.lloyd (a most unexpected happening)

**Do you indulge in foolish arguments? Do you know how to stop quarreling?  http://thelife.com/interactive/share.html

“Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen” (2 Timothy 2:14).

“Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly” (2 Timothy 2:16).

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels” (2 Timothy 2:23).

A word idly spoken, an opinionated commentary on a neighbor’s life, the need to be right in every discussion, quarreling about semantics, godless chatter, arguing about foolish or meaningless things; how often to we allow ourselves to indulge in these kinds of verbal expressions that dishonor God?

Indulge is the perfect word here, because although we know it’s wrong, we give in to the urge and gratify our sinful desires.

What is the result?

Foolish arguments produce quarrels.

Quarreling about words destroys not only the speaker, but all who listen as well.

Godless chatter means we will become less and less like Jesus.

Obviously, how we talk is very important to God.

In another part of the Bible we read that a true believer must keep “a tight rein on his tongue” (James 1:26).

When we think before we speak, we discover that some things are better left unsaid.

We need to confess our failings to God and ask Him to be Lord of our conversations. It may mean avoiding, for a while, the situations where we are most tempted, whether it is the telephone, a chat room or the neighborhood coffee group. We need to surrender our need to be right, to be the centre of attention or to build ourselves up by tearing others down.

Then, with God’s help we can avoid godless chatter and grow in our understanding of what it means to bring words of life to those who listen.

~Forgive me Heavenly Father for indulging in foolish arguments and godless chatter. Reveal to me the reasons I do it and help me to keep a tight rein on my tongue and to be intentional in speaking words that bring life and encouragement. Amen.

Questions: When or where are the times that you are most tempted to indulge in godless chatter? What need are you trying to fill by engaging in foolish arguments? Where is one place today that you can choose to specifically speak life words?

About the Author:  http://talk.thelife.com/experience/devotionalforwomen/authors/suzanne-benner/