How are the two of you doing?

The first thing you need to know is this: a baby won’t fix your marriage struggles. If you feel this is a good way to help your relationship then you are totally wrong. A baby complicates issues. You don’t have to have a perfect marriage, just don’t decide to have a baby as a cure.

Are you physically ready?

Schedule a checkup with your doctor for each of you and tell him/her what you are planning. You can get great advice on vitamins, supplements and discover any problems that need to be dealt with.  Just a heads up, especially for the guys: your sex life will change when baby arrives. You need to be prepared to take a back seat with your needs. Each woman is different but be ready for change.

Are you financially ready?

See a Financial Planner. You don’t need money to talk with a planner and most are free. Tell them your plans and ask for their advice. Ask about Disability Insurance and Life Insurance. Get a second opinion if you want. Start putting aside money right now for the baby’s needs. Talk with friends discretely about what you will need to purchase just to start out. Also make sure you have a current will. Check to see what policies your employer has for Leave of Absence, child care and any other benefits they may offer.

Take a Trip!

It’s great to celebrate your decision as a couple by taking a trip. Make sure you aren’t spending all your “baby” money but have fun!  This could be your last, “just the two of us” trip for some time, so make the most of it.

Waiting for the perfect situation?

Circumstances are never perfect.  For some couples waiting until they can “afford” a baby will launch them well past the age of fertility.  So keep this list in mind but don’t wait for life to be perfect, jump in!  Keep in mind that you afford what is important, both in time and in finances. Your children will be important.  You won’t have all the answers and life won’t be perfect, but you can do it!

So now that you have taken care of those details, end the birth control, learn your cycle and let the “trying” begin!

Take the next step:

Making the transition to motherhood
Choosing a name for baby
Video: And baby makes three
Tips for new Moms 

Related:
Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?
How Do I Have Faith After Losing My Child?

New life is always a celebration!

Thank God for this new life and celebrate!

New life always brings my thoughts back to the story of Hannah in the book of 1 Samuel in the Bible.

The story

Hannah longed for a child and was unable to conceive. In that ancient culture her husband had a second wife. She conceived often and had many children and Hannah’s heart was broken. To top it off the other wife was cruel and heartless in her torment of Hannah and continually taunted her with her childlessness.

In those times it was the custom to travel annually to a place where the people worshipped God. Together they not only celebrated God’s care for them in the past but also His blessing on that years crops.

At this particular celebration recorded in 1 Samuel, Hannah keenly felt her lack of children. During this event her rival was especially cruel in her taunting until Hannah was in tears and unable to eat. Her husband could not comfort her.

Finally, one evening when the feasting and drinking was over Hannah stood up, determined in her own heart to go and seek God. She went to the Lord’s temple, the place where God’s presence dwelt, and she poured out her heart to God.  The Bible tells us in “bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD”. We can just feel the longing in her heart!

As she prayed she submitted her burden to the Lord and vowed to God that if He blessed her with a son she would give him back to God.

What a desperate heart cry and what submission and willingness to honor God with the answer!

God answers with peace

The priest saw Hannah weeping and murmuring and thought she was drunk from the festivities. He tried to shoo her from the meeting tent but she spoke up and defended herself and resolutely told him that she was praying; she was pouring out her soul to the LORD in great anguish and grief.

The priest, Eli, then told her to “Go in peace and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him.”

It is very important to note that the Bible then tells us that Hannah went on her way, ate something and was no longer downcast! Her spirit was lifted!

It seemed she truly did “go in peace” – peace found in the presence of the LORD.

I love this story because it describes the fabric of a woman’s heart. It describes the depth of feelings that she had over the issue that rested heavily on her heart and mind. It describes her anguish. Yet it also describes her wisdom in finally coming to the point of unburdening herself to the God who could help her. She was honest before God about her emotional state. And she left that place of prayer no longer downcast!

As one who supports a new mom and for the young mom herself there will be times when each of you will feel overwhelmed with the issues surrounding you.

How to support a new Mom

Children challenge your life in many ways. It may be swallowing your pride that this birth did not come in the way you had hoped. It may be other challenges that you will support the young mom through. It may be as simple as when to wean the baby, or how to help him adjust to a new teacher, or deal with unkind friends.  Tiredness magnifies things and there will be days when a young mom will feel downcast and in anguish.

Remember this story from Hannah and be aware that when you sense those emotions in you or in a young mom, it is simply a call to prayer. Getting into God’s presence and unburdening yourself will lift the heaviness off your heart and allow you to walk in confident peace – no longer downcast – as Hannah discovered.

Getting into God’s presence and bringing that young Mom before God will open doors of opportunity to speak into her life and the life of her child.

This is one of the most precious truths of God’s word. When you get alone with God and pour out your heart to Him He lifts you above the heaviness and brings peace.

He is big enough for all the questions or overwhelmed feelings we have and He is the one who lifts the burden off our hearts, as we trust Him with it. Time in His presence will put the spring back in your step and allow the Holy Spirit to put wisdom and peace into your heart and mind.

This is a wife and mother’s greatest treasure. Always remember prayer is your greatest resource! Where prayer focuses, God power falls!

His peace will rest upon your heart.

The God of peace will Himself, equip you. You, in turn, can help another.

May the God of peace, … that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in you what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.  (Hebrews 13:20 & 21)

Can we pray for you? If you are facing an unexpected circumstance in your life we would love to pray for you.

At least you’re not alone in having butterflies. Joan Giesbrecht for example describes how “I Wasn’t Ready to be a Grandma!” but nevertheless was able to overcome her trepidation, with a little help. Eventually she could honestly say “When the time came, I was totally ready to be a Grandma.”

Are you going through the exciting and anxious time of pregnancy? Or experiencing the confusion and exhaustion of being a new parent? Contact an online mentor who is familiar with your concerns to talk about it today, it’s free and confidential.

Related reading:
Reflections on Becoming a Mother
“Our Teenage Daughter just Told Us that She’s Pregnant”
Need someone to talk to? Click here to talk with us

I did not want to be another divorce statistic, but the numbers were not in our favor.

My husband Rudy is a bus driver and I work in dentistry – both careers that rank high in divorce statistics. We have a severely handicapped son. We struggled financially. My husband has been fighting depression for most of his life. My life and my marriage were in overdrive and I wanted out.

It all started with the birth of our first son, David.

We had planned to have a baby when Rudy finished university. Like most parents to be we prayed and prayed for a healthy child. Our healthy baby arrived. Two and a half months later our beautiful baby boy suffered a high fever from his first vaccination and just kept screaming. No one could help us. We were on our own as our child screamed day and night.

We kept going to doctors, but there was no medical label to put on him. Test were ordered, then more tests, but we didn’t get any answers. The best they could come up with was, “oh, he’ll be fine.” It made me want to scream. Something was obviously very wrong, why wasn’t anyone helping my son? I felt so guilty. I felt like I had done something wrong and it was my fault he wasn’t developing the way he should. Mother’s Day was harder to face every year.

Our lives reduced to just taking care of David.

I stopped going to college. Our health suffered and the depression Rudy had fought before came back stronger than ever. He was suicidal. I was scared and tired and bitter. Neither of us wanted any more children. Secretly I wondered what is would be like to have a child ‘just like the other kids’ and I felt guilty about that too.

Four years later, in spite of birth control, I got pregnant. It was a stressful pregnancy. Rudy was angry and I could feel the unrest of my unborn child. We had a son and named him Richard. I honestly don’t remember much about the first years of his life — good thing I took pictures. My life was just survival. There was no energy for anything more. With all the responsibilities and sleepless nights of having a newborn in the house, we still had David to take care of. And David cried a lot.

There was no escape from the crying.

We would take turns walking and rocking him, feeding him, whatever it took to get our child to rest and relieve his pain. We put in countless all-nighters trying to help this child. I started walking a lot. It was my one chance at peace and quiet and sanity and I started to feel better.

Then along came baby number three. Richard was only 2 ½ years old and our lives were in over drive. We expected another boy, but this time it was a girl. All of the stresses of a newborn came back and now there were three children to take care of. Ours was not a calm house. Rudy was still struggling with depression and anger. I wanted to just walk away but I wasn’t ready to give up on my marriage completely. When I got married I promised forever and that still meant something. I still wanted this marriage to work, so I prayed and prayed and waited.

I started to see where God had answered my prayers.

David is alive, not dead. He cannot speak, he cannot move his arms or his legs but he is part of this family. He will let you know that you are loved and accepted. You can feel good just sitting beside him. It still amazes me to see my kids together. SharaLynn loves to take care of David. Richard told David one day that there would be no bibs or wheelchairs in heaven. This past spring Rudy made some major changes in his life and our life as a family is changing for the better.

God did answer my prayers. I decided to stay with my family and so I am here to see the changes. I have learned to never stop praying. Even when it hurts. Just as I wanted to do anything I could to help David when he cried, so God is there to help us when we cry. Circumstances were against Rudy and I staying together, but God was for us. It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t easy, but God continues to carry us through. I am not another divorce statistic. I am a happily married woman and the mother of three. I have learned the value of prayer and with God in my life I have hope for the future.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Need to talk? You can talk privately with a trained mentor.
Be happy! Learn how to live your life to the fullest.

Parenting has not been an easy journey for me. I have had to face my own inadequacy and rely on God’s plan for my life and my children. Part of that process was God teaching me how to pray for my children. There is no exact science for this, but the Lord put it on my heart to write a prayer for each of my children.

Why write a prayer? I had so many things that I wanted to remember to pray for each of my children, and writing it out really helped me to be concise. The written prayers reflect each child’s uniqueness, while also covering the basics in such a way that I don’t feel like I’m forgetting any important issues. I’d encourage you to give it a try.

Begin with a decision to take the time to pray for your children. This sounds simple, but it takes follow-through and commitment. When it comes to prayer, there is no substitute for time, and writing a well-crafted prayer for each child takes extra effort. But you will find that it’s well worth it.

Next, sit down and brainstorm a list of all the things you want to pray for. What is important to you as you raise your children in this difficult culture we live in? Try to catch a glimpse of the future: what kind of adults do you want your kids to become? Here are a few items on my prayer list:

* (Editor’s Note: Try printing out these prayer items and insert it in your Bible so you can be reminded to pray for your kids.)

• Purity: I pray for purity both for my kids and for their future spouses. Their spouses are out there somewhere, growing up as children right now, and what happens in their lives will greatly affect the life of my children down the road.
• Relationships: Above all, I pray that my kids will develop strong relationships with the Lord. I also pray for healthy relationships with their siblings, with friends, and with my husband and I as their parents.
• Protection: The world is a dangerous place in many ways. I pray for physical, spiritual and emotional protection for each child.
• Personal weaknesses: Every child has their own struggles, whether it’s lying, angry outbursts, disrespect, or any number of other issues. I pray that God will shape their character and turn their weaknesses to strengths.
• Thanks: Each child also has unique strengths that are God’s gift to our family. For some it’s charm, for others leadership ability or a sense of humour. I thank God for these special qualities and ask Him to continue to develop these characteristics in our children.

After brainstorming your list, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in writing the prayer. Then it’s finally time to sit down and start writing! In addition to working from the list, I try to incorporate scripture passages that are applicable to the situation. Because the Bible is God’s perfect Word, I believe it is very powerful in prayer.

Here is an example of what I wrote as part of a prayer regarding purity:

For a daughter:

“Lord, we ask for purity in her life and that of her husband. We ask for protection over their innocence and purity; protect them from others and wrong choices, call them to a higher standard. We ask for wisdom and discernment in teaching and preparing her for a life of purity and modesty. I also ask that you grant her husband’s parents wisdom as they raise a man of integrity.”

For a son:

“Lord, we pray against pornography and lust and its evil effects on his life both as a child and as an adult. Give us wisdom in teaching him to respect girls and women. Put a calling of purity upon his life that he will never use, abuse, or take advantage of girls or women. We ask for wisdom and discernment in teaching and preparing him for a life of purity.”

I pray blessing and biblical qualities for my children. The Bible has a lot to say about how we speak and the power of the tongue to do damage, but also to bring healing. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).

“Father we thank You for (insert your daughter’s name here), You have heaped us with bounty and we praise You for entrusting us with her. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. You chose her for us and we thank You for the gift she is to us. We bless her and ask that You fill her with “Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, having virtue, or anything praiseworthy, let her think on these things.””

I pray for wisdom as a parent regarding specific issues for this child. The Bible says whoever lacks wisdom should ask…so I ask a lot! “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).

“Lord, grant us wisdom. We ask that you would impress upon him that lying is wrong. Help us to train him to be a man of integrity and honesty starting now. We ask that you would raise him up to be an upright man; one who is pro-active for what is right. May he not be passive, but aggressive for truth and what is honourable.”

Relationships will be a lifelong pursuit for your children: relationships with family, friends and especially with the Lord. My dad prayed faithfully for a good Christian friend for me in high school. I am so thankful for those prayers, and I believe God has answered them many times over in my life. I thank God for many wonderful friends over the years.

“We ask Father that you would fill her life with good relationships, first with you Lord. Help her to seek after Godly things. We ask your blessing on our relationship with her, help us to express to her and for her to feel unconditional love; may she rise up and call us blessed. We ask for good friends for her; that she may feel accepted and influenced by good kids. Keep her path straight. We ask your blessing on her life by causing Godly people to positively influence her life at the crossroads she will face. Go before her and prepare the way.”

I hope this glance into my heart as a mother will encourage you in your parenting journey. As I conclude this article I want to share that the first prayer I wrote was a turning point for our family. I wrote that prayer out of desperation because I had tried everything the world has to offer, and yet nothing had worked. Truly God wanted to begin a work in me, and it started with turning my eyes upon the Lord and looking to Him for answers. As I look back I see a faithful God working in our lives. The true changes began when I took my eyes off changing my child and started changing myself.

If you could choose the gender of your unborn child, would you?

The concept of “designer babies” is not a new one.  Arguments against preselecting or prescreening embryos usually focus on two main areas: how far is too far and what happens to the unwanted embryos? Popular opinion holds that is it wrong to preselect either in favor or against certain physical traits or medical conditions, but for some couples, the idea of selecting the gender of their child is not such a big deal.

A recent report on CNN explained:

It cost this child’s parents around $9,000 and it is why gender selection is fast becoming a boom area of medical tourism. It’s more expensive and illegal elsewhere. Couples flying in on baby holidays from China, Australia and Europe. Officially, some 4,000 test tube embryos are created each year in Thailand. Doctors estimate more than 30 percent are chosen for their gender to fulfill the couple’s desire to override nature and select the sex of their baby.

Is it wrong for a family that has all sons to want to know what it’s like to raise a daughter? Is there benefit in giving a child a same gender sibling? For many countries, the risk is not worth the reward.  Canada, Europe, Australia and China all ban gender selecting, yet there is nothing stopping couples from taking a vacation to Thailand and having the procedure done there.

Some call it “family balancing” others cite cultural reasons for wanting or even needing a child of a certain gender.   Parents have the legal right to choose for their child, and in many places have the right to choose to end a pregnancy.  Should parents get to choose the gender as well? What do you think?

If you’ve been following the Duggar family, you already know that 19 Kids and Counting (originally 17 Kids and Counting) is a reality television show centered around the Jim Bob and Michelle, along with their 19 kids.  Jim Bob and Michelle seem to be devoted parents who take good care of their children. They live debt-free and fully support themselves. Unlike other famous parents of multiples they do not use any type of fertility treatments.

They are also committed Christians. This led me to wonder … is this what God had in mind when He gave the command to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it”? (Genesis 1:28)  The Duggars follow the  “Quiverfull” Christian movement, which teaches that “children are God’s blessing and that husbands and wives should happily welcome every child they are given.” (Source: MSNBC)

I don’t disagree that children are a blessing from God, but does that necessarily mean we should have as many children as possible? Chocolate cake is a blessing too but that doesn’t mean I should eat it every day … okay, maybe that’s not the most apt analogy.

But what do you think? Should people who have the means to support them have as many children as possible? Do you think couples should explore other options, like adoption or helping out others with their children, instead? On one hand, I’m glad these kids are being raised in a caring and God-honoring home, but on the other hand, 19 children just seems excessive to me.

What do you think?

Related:
- Superwoman or Super God?: You don’t need to be a “Superwoman”
- The Legacy of a Christian Father: How one Christian father made an immutable difference in his child’s life.

Tired of trying to live the Christian life in your own power?

1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register.

4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Questions: Are you feeling lonely today? Do you have a bruised heart?

About the Author: The Holy Bible