Related Articles:
What Gives Life Meaning After the First Million?
What does your soul crave?

Related Articles:
In Search of an Abundant Life
Live your life to the fullest

Related Articles:
Something Missing
How can I find peace?

Are there issues you’re facing now as a leader you’ve been avoiding? Why have you been avoiding them, and who can you look to for help so that they don’t snowball any more than they already have?

Related Articles:
Courage in the Shadows
Does God care about me?

“That’s easy,” you might say. “Success is … for an athlete, winning the Super Bowl, the World Series, or a gold medal: for an entertainer, winning an Oscar, a Grammy, or an Emmy; for a businessperson, being a top executive with one of the Fortune 500 companies: for a university student, being elected to Phi Beta Kappa or student government.” But is it always so easy to define?

Several years ago Ranier, a German friend, spent three months with me in the U. S. Once, while he was watching his first baseball game on TV, the batter hit the ball out of the park for a home run. The fans went wild! Ranier turned to me with a puzzled look and asked, “Why are they cheering? They’ve lost the ball?” To the hometown fans the batter was a great success. To someone from another culture, the home run was a mystery.

The meaning of success also varies with individuals. One dictionary defines success as “the satisfactory accomplishment of a goal sought for.” To be successful, you must achieve the goal and be satisfied with the outcome. With this definition one wonders if “success” that does not include personal satisfaction–a sense of well-being–is really true success at all.

Keys to Success

Several factors contribute to success. Consider a few:

1. Positive Self-Concept. Imagine that you wake up one morning and your roommate is waiting to tell you something. He or she says, “I’ve been wanting to tell you what an outstanding roommate you are. You’re so kind, so thoughtful; you always keep the room so neat. Just being around you motivates me to be the most positive person I can be.”

After you recover from your cardiac arrest, you head off toward your first class of the day. Whom should you run into but your date of the previous evening, who says, “Am I ever glad I ran into you! I’d been hoping I’d get a chance to tell you again what a terrific time I had yesterday. My friends are so jealous of me. They think that I’m the luckiest person in the world to go out with someone like you, and I agree! You’re so friendly, so intelligent. You have a great sense of humor and good looks to boot! Why, when I’m with you, I feel like I’m in a dream!”

Then you float into your first class. Your professor is about to return the midterm exams you took last week, but before he distributes them he says, “I have an announcement I’d like to make. I want everyone to know what an outstanding job this student has done on this test.” He points to you in the front row and says, “You are a breath of fresh air to me as a professor. You always do your assignments on time. You often do even more than is expected of you. Why, if every student were like you, teaching would be a joy. I was even considering leaving teaching before you came along!”

Wouldn’t that help you have a great attitude about yourself? And wouldn’t it motivate you to be a better roommate, a better date, a better student? You’d say to yourself, “Why, I’m one sharp person. After all, my roommate, my date and my prof all think so … and they’re no dummies!” You wouldn’t argue with them for a minute! {1}

Of course, some people think so highly of themselves that their egos become problems. Nevertheless, many psychologists agree with Dr. Joyce Brothers when she says, ” . .  a strong, positive self- image is the best possible preparation for success in life.”{2}

2. Clearly Defined Goals. Aim at nothing and you’ll surely hit it. Aim at a specific goal and, even if you don’t hit it, chances are you’ll be a lot farther along than if you’d never aimed at all.

The U. S. Space Program has produced many successes and, sadly, a few tragic failures. The successes of NASA help illustrate the importance of goal setting. Perhaps you’ve heard of the three electricians who were working on the Apollo spacecraft. A reporter asked each what he was doing. The first said, “I’m inserting transistors into circuits.” The second answered, “I’m soldering these wires together.” The third explained, “I’m helping to put a man on the moon.”

Which one was more motivated and satisfied? Probably the one who saw how his activities fit into the overall goal.

Without a clear life’s goal, daily duties can become drudgery. Knowing your life’s goal can increase your motivation and satisfaction as you see how daily activities help accomplish that goal.

In the early 1960′s, President John F. Kennedy set a goal of putting an American on the moon by the end of the decade. In 1969, Neil Armstrong took his “one small step.” A specific goal helped NASA achieve a major milestone in history. Someone who desires success will set specific goals.

3. Hard Work. Any successful athlete knows that there would be no glory on the athletic field without hard work on the practice field. A true test of character is not just how well you perform in front of a crowd, but how hard you work when no one notices-in the office, in the library, in practice. President Calvin Coolidge believed “nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not … Genius will not … Education will not … Persistence, determination, and hard work make the difference.” {3}

“A true test of character is not just how well you perform in front of a crowd, but how hard you work when no one notices.”

“What is success?” asks British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. “I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing … hard work and a certain sense of purpose…. I think I had a flair for … (my work), but natural feelings are never enough. You have got to marry those natural feelings with really hard work.” {4}

The heavyweight-boxing champion of another era, James J. Corbett, often said, “You become the champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round.” {5}

Success requires hard work. Of course you can overdo it and become a workaholic. One workaholic businessman had a sign in his office that read, “Thank God It’s Monday!” We all need to balance work and recreation, but hard work is essential to success.

4. A Willingness to Take Risks. Theodore Roosevelt expressed the value of this asset in one of his most famous statements: “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the great twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat, ” {6}

Ingemar Stenmark, the great Olympic skier, says, “In order to win, you have to risk losing.” Consider this question: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” That question can expand your vision and enlarge your dreams. Maybe your desire is to be a great political leader, an entertainer, a top businessperson or academician, a star athlete. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Now ask, “Am I willing to risk a few possible failures in order to achieve that goal?” Success often involves risks.

An Obstacle to Success and Satisfaction

A positive self-concept, clear goals, hard work, and a willingness to take risks … all contribute to success. But there is a major obstacle to experiencing success and satisfaction in life.

In 1923 a very important meeting was held at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago. Attending this meeting were seven of the world’s most successful financiers-people who had found the secret of making money.

Consider what had happened to these men 25 years later. The president of the largest independent steel company, Charles Schwab, died in bankruptcy and lived on borrowed money for five years before his death. The president of the greatest utility company, Samuel Insull, died a fugitive from justice and broke in a foreign land. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, spent time in Sing Sing Penitentiary. A member of the President’s cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned so he could die at home. The greatest “bear” on Wall Street, Jesse Livermore, died a suicide. The head of the greatest monopoly, Ivan Krueger, died a suicide. The president of the Bank of International Settlements, Leon Fraser, died a suicide. All these had learned well, the art of success in making a living, but apparently they all struggled with learning how to live successfully. {7}

Pollster and social commentator Daniel Yankelovich quotes a $100,000/ year full partner in a public relations firm: “I have achieved success by the definition of others but am not fulfilled. I appear successful … I have published, lectured, exceeded my income goals, achieved ownership and a lot of people depend on me. So, I’ve adequately achieved the external goals but they are empty.”{8}

Dustin Hoffman is an extremely successful movie actor. His film career seems almost dazzling and includes an Oscar for his performance in “Kramer vs. Kramer.” Yet consider what he says about happiness and satisfaction: “I don’t know what happiness is …. life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness? I’d strike out happiness …. Walk down the street and look at the faces. When you demand happiness, aren’t you asking for something unrealistic?”{9}

Success in one area does not guarantee satisfaction in life. You can reach all your goals and still not be at peace with yourself. How can you both achieve your goals and be satisfied? And even if you feel a degree of satisfaction, could there be something more?

“You can reach all your goals, and still not be at peace with yourself.”

Successful and Satisfied

More and more psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing the need to develop the total person physically, psychologically, and spiritually–to produce real satisfaction. Often in our struggle for success, we focus on physical and psychological development at the expense of the spiritual.

Not long ago a group of counselors spent quite a bit of time in New York City interviewing some of the nation’s most successful executives. They interacted with editors of newspapers and magazines, executives with advertising agencies, banks, the TV networks, seeking to understand these leaders’ ideas about success.

One question these counselors asked involved the spiritual area: “What place do faith and spiritual values have in your fife?” In response, 75% conveyed that spiritual values were “important” or “very important” to both personal and professional development. Remarked one, “If they could be strengthened, a lot of these other things would fall into place.” Yet, surprisingly few of these leaders had clearly defined convictions in the spiritual area. As one radio broadcaster noted with a smile, “I am inspirable, but I can’t find anyone to inspire me!” {10}

Then these executives were told about someone who could inspire them, one of history’s most influential personalities, a person who stressed the importance of spiritual development as well as the physical and psychological. The life and teachings of this influential and very successful leader have made quite a positive impact on my own life, as well. Perhaps a bit of background will put my discovery in perspective.

In high school I looked for success through athletics, academics and student government. And I found it. I lettered in basketball and track … our track team was undefeated. I ranked in the top of my class academically, was involved in student government, and was attending one of the nation’s leading prep schools. John F. Kennedy and Adlai Stevenson were graduates as were playwright Edward Albee and actor Michael Douglas.

I mention these details not to boast but to draw a contrast. Success in these areas had not brought the personal satisfaction I’d wanted. I was still an introvert, sometimes afraid to introduce myself to a stranger or ask a young woman for a date. My attitudes were often inconsistent with my behavior. Outwardly I could appear very positive and loving, while inwardly I might be negative and resentful of someone I didn’t like. Guilt, anxiety and a poor self-image often hindered me from taking risks or from being vulnerable in relationships.

Later, in college, I was still wrestling with these areas. Then I ran into a group of students who had something special about them, a love, joy, and enthusiasm I found very attractive. I especially appreciated the fact that they accepted me just the way I was. I didn’t have to try to impress them with a list of accomplishments, though they were sharp, attractive, and successful. Even in dating I didn’t feel the normal pressure to display a macho image. They seemed to like themselves and they accepted me, too.

These were Christian students and I knew that I wanted what they had. They told me they had found a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I couldn’t accept all that right away, yet I kept going back to their meetings because I was curious and because it was a good place to get a date. Especially because it was a good place to get a date!

An Open Door

The more I spent time around them, the more I saw how their faith affected their lives and relationships. They told me that God loved me unconditionally, but that I was separated from Him by a condition of alienation called sin. They said that He had sent His unique Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins and rise from the grave to offer new life. When I placed my faith in Him, they explained, He would enter my life, forgive me of my sin, and begin to produce the fulfillment I’d been looking for.

Finally, through a simple, silent attitude of my heart, I said, “Jesus Christ, I need you. Thanks for dying and rising again for me. I want to accept your free gift of forgiveness. I open the door of my heart and invite you in. Give me the fulfilling life you promised.” There was no thunder and lightning. Angels didn’t rise in the background singing the “Hallelujah Chorus” and I didn’t become perfect. But gradually, I began to see change. I had a new inner peace that didn’t fluctuate with circumstances. I found a freedom from guilt and a new purpose for living. I saw my self-image improve and felt freer to take risks, to love others less conditionally.

There are many examples of Christians who are both successful and satisfied: Roger Staubach, former quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys; Julius Erving, star professional basketball player; J. C. Penney, founder of the department store chain; Dr. Charles Malik, past president of the UN General Assembly: Mark Hatfield, U. S. Senator from Oregon; Janet Lynn, a figure skater; Jerome Hines, Amy Grant, Pat Boone and Debby Boone as entertainers: and many more. Being a Christian doesn’t guarantee supreme success. Christians have their failures, too. But a relationship with God can enhance your self-concept, help clarify your goals, strengthen your determination and help you improve whatever you do. The personal satisfaction Christ provides can make a positive difference, too.

“What a tragedy to … climb the ladder of success, only to reach the top and find the ladder leaning against the wrong wall.”

Here’s how: Remember the earlier illustration about your roommate, date and professor showering praise on you? Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen every day. But God thinks you are very special, so special that He sent His only Son to die in your place. When you come to know Christ personally and realize the magnitude of His love for you, you can find strength to accept yourself and greater freedom to take prudent risks. You can face rejection with the security that even if everyone else turns on you, God still loves you. Knowing He wants the best for you can increase your determination to work hard for worthwhile goals.

What about you? Does your definition of success include personal satisfaction? Have you found success? Will your success be enough to sustain you through any rough times that may lie ahead? Have you found personal satisfaction?

What a tragedy it would be to spend an entire lifetime climbing the ladder of success only to reach the top and find the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. Are you willing to consider how Jesus Christ can make a difference in your life?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Notes

1. Illustration adapted from Zig Ziglar, See You at the Top (Gretna, LA: Pelican Publishing Co., 1979), p. 46.

2. Ibid., p. 49.

3. Ibid, p. 319.

4. Prince Michael of Greece, “I Am Fantastically Lucky,” Parade Magazine, July 13, 1986, p. 4.

5. Ziglar, op. cit.

6. Hugh Sidey, To Dare Mighty Things,” Time, June 9, 1980, p. 15.

7. Adapted from Bill Bright, “The Uniqueness of Jesus” (San Bernardino, CA: Campus Crusade for Christ, 1968) pp. 14-15.

8. Daniel Yankelovich, New, Rules,p-69.

9. Gerald Clarke. “A Father Finds His Son,” “Time,” December 3, 1979, p. 79.

10. Patty Burgin, “A View From the Top,” Collegiate Challenge, 1980, p. ii.

©1986 Rusty Wright. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

I must confess I had enjoyed the “juiciness” of the scoop she was giving me, right up until the point when she started sharing the information that was just so damaging to the image I had of this well-respected person. I suppose I should have changed the subject when it turned sour, but instead, I let her continue, my eyes growing as big as saucers as I took in each morsel of gossip.

While her talk had enticed me to listen to the whole story, regretfully, I am now faced with some very negative images of one of my mentors engaged in unseemly conduct, an affair no less.

Most gossip would appear to be harmless, and doesn’t carry the same repercussions as the above scenario. Our culture tends to treat gossip lightly. While most people think it is a bad habit, gossip is a generally accepted pastime that people share in when they congregate around the lunch table, or the water cooler. We may innocently “dish,” “get the goods,” or hear the “dirt,” on someone, but God doesn’t take the whole matter so lightly. He says that our tongues are set on fire by hell (James 3:6).

God is not pleased when we gossip in the workplace, and neither is your employer. According to Human Resources Specialist, Cassie Dibiase, who owns Resources and Results Consulting in Houston, Texas, “Listening or contributing to gossip in the workplace is probably the single most destructive behavior for anyone hoping to succeed in the business world.” Consider these key points:

• Gossipers in the workplace are viewed as untrustworthy and are less likely to receive promotions or key assignments
• Important lines of communication between employees and supervisors are often disrupted because of a lack of trust created by gossip
• What might appear to be simple gossip can often result in a full-blown investigation, causing irreparable damage to an individual’s reputation, and to the gossiper’s reputation as well.

What are some ways to avoid getting caught in the snare of gossip?

Know if it is gossip

The dictionary defines gossip as rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature. To know if you’re gossiping, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself how you would feel if the person you were discussing suddenly happened upon your conversation. Would you be embarrassed? Chances are, as a Christian, you know when you are gossiping. You get that unsettled feeling from the Holy Spirit that maybe what you’re discussing isn’t quite appropriate.

God’s view of gossip

Not only does the Holy Spirit convict us, but God commands us through scripture not to gossip. Proverbs 4:24 reminds us to “keep corrupt talk from our lips.” God doesn’t want us listening to gossip either. Hearing the gossip is about as bad as spreading it, since you can’t erase the negative words you’ve heard about a person. Proverbs 26:22 says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.”

The Philippians 4:8 principle

To help us remember what is and isn’t acceptable to discuss, use Philippians 4:8 as a guide: “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” While the writer, Paul, instructs us to think about these things, it seems to me that Philippians 4:8 is a good way to measure our conversations too.

Gossip just plain hurts

Simply put, gossip hurts people. When my dearest friend and co-worker went through a divorce a few years ago, many of our colleagues came to me looking for information. My friend was so devastated and shocked over the divorce, that to discuss her hurt and raw emotions with anyone seemed unthinkable. Furthermore, I ran the risk of seeing mixed rumors circulate about my friend. Ms. Dibiase points out, “Just think back to the playground… when someone spread untrue tales around the schoolyard. They were hurtful, unproductive and damaged friendships. Playground rules still apply. The only difference is professional reputations are taken more seriously – the stakes are higher.”

Setting parameters in your conversations

Melissa and her friend Monique are close confidants. As Christians, they were both worried about crossing the line of gossip in their daily conversations. They came up with a way of setting “parameters” in their conversations. When their speech began to tread into gossip territory, one gently reminded the other that they needed to steer their conversation to a more edifying topic. Surrounding yourself with close friends who are Christians and like-minded in spirit always helps keep gossip in check.

Steering the conversation

While maintaining ties with fellow believers is a helpful way of keeping our tongues in check, we don’t always share office space with other Christians. How do you keep gossip under control when you are with people who aren’t necessarily focused on guarding their talk? While my first impulse is to stay away from situations that would put me in the middle of gossip, I am reminded that Jesus himself broke bread with non-believers and those who gossiped, among other things.

When gossip begins around you, try to cut it off with a gentle remark to sway the conversation. Or, better still, turn to your gossiping co-worker and ask her about what’s happening in her life. It has been said that a gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about herself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. It’s an almost guaranteed way to change the conversation.

After you read this article, you’ll probably try harder to avoid gossip, but since we are only human, you might still have to catch yourself every now and then. As my friend Melissa puts it, “Gossiping is something we always have to keep in check with the Lord.” Why not pray this simple prayer in faith today and release the control of your speech back into God’s hands.

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life and accommodating gossip and other conversations that are hurtful to others and not glorifying to You. But I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

This self-diagnostic test will give you helpful (maybe surprising) insights into your “financial responsibility index.”

1. I have no real idea of my income, expenses, or net worth.
2. I don’t have the discipline to be good with money.
3. I am near, at, or over the limit on my credit cards.
4. I’ve bounced more than three checks in the past year.
5. I often use this month’s income to cover last month’s bills.
6. I can’t imagine living without credit.
7. I’ve never been concerned about money because my spouse takes care of it.
8. I worry about money quite a bit.
9. I hide the mail.
10. I don’t have a formal savings program.
11. If I just had more money, I’d be fine.
12. I have lied to my spouse or creditors about making payments.
13. I know I should give money to charity, but there isn’t enough right now.
14. I’ve taken a cash advance on one credit card to make the payment on another.

0 True – You are a financially responsible person, and my heroine.
1-2 True – You are basically responsible, but should consider these red flags.
3-5 True – You are definitely headed down the road to financial trouble.
6+ True – You are in imminent danger of financial meltdown. Get help now!

Gender differences, especially with regard to communication, have been the cause for much laughter and interesting conversation where I work. Yet it has also helped me to gain a better understanding and appreciation for the way God has built men.

My intention is not to generalize about gender differences. There are always exceptions to the rule because of the diversity of human beings. Yet there are certain generalities than can be helpful to us if we are willing to take note of them. Most of all, gender differences are a lot of fun – especially in the workplace! Here are some differences we can learn from.

Contrast #1: Thought processes
Men are more linear and factual thinkers, while women, on the other hand, tend to think more conceptually and with associations. Women’s minds are like underground subway systems – everything is connected. Men’s minds are like ships sailing along the ocean, going from point A to point B.

Contrast #2: Giving orders
Men tend to be more direct, while women give orders using softened demands and tag lines. Women are naturally disposed to maintain harmony, so they will follow up a demand with something like, “If you don’t mind.”

Contrast #3: Compartmentalizing
Men can work with people they don’t like. Women generally can’t. This is because men can compartmentalize – work is work. But women naturally make associations (see contrast #1). Joan will find it harder to work with Steve on Tuesday if she witnessed him being needlessly rude to the waiter at the restaurant on Monday night.

Contrast #4: Expressing feelings
If a man wants to express his feelings, he’ll talk to his wife or girlfriend. Women are willing to talk to more than just close friends about their feelings – coworkers, hairdressers, doctors, people on the bus, the other lady standing in line at the store, call-in radio hosts, Oprah…

Contrast #5: Handling problems
If there’s a problem, men think about it. For women, it isn’t enough to just think about the problem on their own. They need to articulate their thoughts without even necessarily wanting solutions. They want to discuss it and have someone lend an ear and their time to them. Men want solutions. They like to fix problems and not just discuss them. So when you’re talking to a man, you can expect some sort of solution, even if all you intended was simply to be heard.

Contrast #6: Goals
While men and women are both dedicated to achieving goals, they do so in their own way. Men tend to focus more on the end result. They are task-oriented. Women are more concerned with the process involved in accomplishing those goals and tend to be more people-oriented. So if you’re at a meeting where two men are involved in a heated discussion about something, remember that it doesn’t always imply a bad relationship.

Contrast #7: Feedback
Men can be more direct and blunt when giving feedback about something, whereas women tend to use more tact and sensitivity. That’s why when you ask a man for an opinion about your idea, and he says something to the effect of, “It stinks!” he wonders why you’re upset. Expect a brutally honest response. And remember that they’re responding to the idea and not the person – it’s not a personal attack.

Joan: “I was thinking we should implement the program in the various departments before scheduling so that way we can save production costs. What do you think?”

Steve: “Yeah, right – and then what? Wait until everyone’s done testing it? That won’t help us in any way.”

At this point Joan is thinking to herself that Steve just called her an idiot when he really didn’t.

Contrast #8: Asking questions
Men rarely ask questions. Even if they do, it’s usually to gather information. Women ask questions more frequently, but for two purposes – to gather information and to cultivate the relationship. That’s why women sometimes ask questions they know the answer to, such as, “So you’re back from vacation?”

Contrast #9: Phone calls
Men like to keep calls brief. Women prefer to chat. See how Joan and Steve ask another coworker about packaging.

Joan: “Hi, Claire. How are you? So I heard you began your sailing lessons this week. Mmmhmm. My dad used to compete, y’know. Yes. That’s wonderful. So I was talking to Steve and we were wondering about the packaging and how you’ve been coming along with all of that…”

Steve: “Hey, Claire, packaging done yet?”

Contrast #10: Coffee breaks
Ever wondered why men don’t take coffee breaks?

For the 3rd time in a row…

Joan: “Coffee break?”

Steve: “No.”

Meanwhile, to themselves:

Joan: He never wants to chat; he must not like me very much.

Steve: I can’t believe she wants me to stop drinking coffee!

As you observe these and other contrasts between men and women in the workplace, remember neither one gender’s style is better than the other. Men are perfectly right to be more direct while women are perfectly right to be people-oriented, even in the workplace. Women are nurturers, and this quality can enhance any work situation. Men are natural providers. They are task-oriented and like to get the job done. These two styles compliment each other perfectly, as long as there is an openness and understanding on each part. Vive la difference!

At one end of the room over the fireplace hangs a picture of the Canadian Fathers at Confederation. The 34 men seem peaceful with no computers or Blackberries; I feel almost out of place with my computer and Blackberry buzzing on the table, as if I am violating their calm with my technology to allow me to do 10 things at the same time. Life must have been easier for those 34; I know that is not true from reading our history, for they had significant challenges and conflict which had led up to this famous session.

The difference was the speed of information and this rocket-like pace is now the order of the day and we are well beyond busy. If I do not have 10 balls in the air at once, I must not be accomplishing much, or so I think; that is a mind trap, which is false and keeps me crazy busy.

So, I write these words, more to myself than to you the reader; that being said, if they help, you are welcome to them. Here are what I refer to as my seven mind traps that keep me crazy busy.

1. We need to be wanted and needed and thus must be available at all times through our cells and email.

It is really a trap of wanting to please people; do you struggle with this? Understanding and acknowledging this trap is really half the battle. I am working through this and asking the question, “Who is in charge?” If it is a severe issue, then you may be struggling with an approval addiction. Look it up on the web, for there are great resources to help.

2. We say yes to too many things and lose focus on that which is best; the enemy of the best is the good.

Some of us are wired to say yes to almost everything, “Yes, I can take that on between 2 and 3 am.” Others are much more selective. I would like to counsel you to clearly understand your style ( there are many great Assessment Profiles available to you ). Again, self awareness is a major step to addressing this trap. I am currently in the process of handing off a role which I enjoy and have the skills for; the reality is that it is a good thing for me to do, but not the best. Understanding my strengths and leadership style is a must for me to make this decision. Remember, your strengths can become weaknesses.

3. We over commit or allow others to over commit us.

Over committing and under delivering is a trap which will have disastrous consequences for you. I don’t care if you as the reader are responsible for 1000’s of staff or 3 children ( which may feel like a 1000 staff to you ), you need to be able to control the commitments you take on. This goes back to my #2. Practice the word NO; stand in front of the mirror and say NO; did it hurt; did the mirror suddenly fall off the wall. Of course, it again means having clear priorities and also understanding what season of life you are currently in. That is probably another article, but I believe that we go through seasons of life and these seasons bring different responsibilities. You cannot compare yourself to another person who is in a different season of life from you.

4. Our technology runs us; we do run our technology.

The fact that I have not turned off my Blackberry as I write this article in this gorgeous calm setting reinforces my trap #4.

I have a good friend, who I believe has found a way to address this trap. He disciplines himself not to check emails or voice mail from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Not a bad strategy; I am attempting to practice this and when I slip up, I don’t beat myself up, but rather get back on the “wagon”.

5. Being busy means that we must be accomplishing more than others; it really is an issue of insecurity.

Some authors have called it a status symbol. What are your insecurities? It may help you to be honest here. You don’t need to report back to me, just to yourself.

I just consulted with a leadership team, who is struggling with this trap. I suggested that they use a “storyboard” approach. It means going on the offense by writing the story they would like to see for themselves and their organization 3-5 years in the future. It is to be no more than 2 pages. I am already receiving feedback on the positives on this strategy. The result will be that this team will establish the key priorities for them to address; as others come up, they will be measured against this new template. Actually this process works well for individuals as well and it addresses the other traps which I have mentioned. Try it!

6. Running fast becomes an escape, for it means that we do not have the time to focus on those issues which cause pain.

My wife and I are a speaker couple for the Family Life Marriage Weekends. We see this in life after life as couples come and share their pain with us. Many men confess to me that they have poured themselves into their career to compensate for the dysfunction of their marriage. If this is hitting a sore spot for you, then seek out help. My experience is that as you leave this unattended, it will become worse; if you need additional resources contact us at ….

7. We live our lives in the future; once I accomplish this, then I can slow down.

I have lived my life in the future. Early in my career, I often would think and at times verbalize, “when I ….. I will…. Now on this side of 50, I realize how wrong I was, for I did not take time to enjoy that season of life. I would ask you to seriously consider what season of life you are in. I know I mentioned this in # 3, but it bears repeating. Ask yourself 4 questions:

1. How would I define this season of my life?
2. What will the next season look like?
3. What are the traps which I need to avoid in this season?
4. What can I do now to properly prepare for the next season?

Well, there you have my 7 traps; maybe you were too busy to even read them and skimmed to this last paragraph. In the painting of Confederation, there are 2 men out of the 34 who have arms crossed with scowls on their faces; what is going through their minds; were they to be the ones which John A MacDonald would need to convince. The Nation does not rest on you; but then again, your future effectiveness does and perhaps survival.

However, with every good thing, precautions and considerations must be taken. Now that wireless Internet has gotten so popular, it is no surprise that hackers and Internet thieves have found ways to tap into wireless networks.

Hackers are more common than you think

Many people think a hacker is someone who sits in their basement and writes codes to find ways to do malicious things to business and government sites alone. While this can be the case, it’s not true for the most part; there are many benefits to hacking into someone’s personal computer, such as retrieving the information you send out on the Internet—bank account numbers, credit card numbers and private emails to name a few.

People with wireless Internet often forget to secure their networks, leaving them an easy target for hackers and thieves. We decided to test and see how many people leave their networks open, so we drove around the city with a laptop and found that we could connect to over 50 unsecured wireless networks. People can tap into any of these open networks and use software to track valuable information that is exchanged through the Internet.

Your neighbor can be an Internet thief

It is also common for people living in an apartment building to go on an unsecured wireless network and use that network owner’s Internet connection. Some people will steal a connection so they don’t have to pay for it. Be careful—the people using your Internet connection can log onto illegal sites (such as child pornography sites) and you can be blamed for it. There are even people who make maps of places in the city where there are open networks.

Here are a few tips to avoid unauthorized access to your wireless network:

1. Read your manual. It is so easy to just hook up your router and start surfing, but it’s worth it to take the time to read your manual and follow the instructions on how to encrypt your home wireless network.

2. Get WPA encryption. For people who are setting up security on new networks, WPA (Wifi Protected Access) is the best way to go because it is more secure than WEP encryption. VPN and DES are also the new attempts to secure wireless networks.

3. The 64 bit WEP or 128 bit WEP setting is better than the “Off” setting. 64 bit WEP (Wired Equivalent Privacy) is the standard encryption. It is faster than 128 bit WEP but less secure. WEP has three settings: Off (no security), 64-bit (weak security), 128-bit (a bit better security). However, WEP is not difficult to crack, and using it slightly reduces performance. If you run a network where WEP is turned off, any of your neighbors can log on to your network and use your Internet connection.

4. Buy the same brand for your network card and router or access point. When you have the same brand for these devices, setting up a secured wireless network is much easier.

The world has indeed gone wireless and so can you, but before you hook up your router and throw the manual aside, consider protecting yourself first. High security is better than no security.