Paralysis was God’s plan?

I had so many questions. I believed in God, but I was angry with Him. How could my circumstance be a demonstration of His love and power? Surely He could have stopped it from happening. How can permanent, lifelong paralysis be a part of His loving plan for me? Unless I found answers, I didn’t see how this God could be worthy of my trust.

Steve, a friend of mine, took on my questions. He pointed me to Christ.

Now I believe that God’s purpose in my accident was to turn a stubborn kid into a woman who would reflect patience, endurance and a lively, optimistic hope of the heavenly glories above.

A new perspective

My wheelchair used to symbolize alienation and confinement. But God has changed its meaning because I have trusted in Him. Now my wheelchair symbolizes independence. It is a choice I made and one that anyone can make.

I have discovered many good things that have come from my disability. I used to think happiness was a Friday night date, a size 12 dress, and a future with Ethan Allen furniture and 2.5 children. Now I know better. What matters is love.

Good things for the future

I live with the heightened awareness that better things are coming. The good things in this life are only a foreshadowing of more glorious, grand things in heaven.

The words of this song capture the thrilling perspective that I have come to know in the years since my accident:

I rejoice with him whose pain my Saviour heals.
And I weep with him who still his anguish feels.
But earthly joys and earthly tears are confined to earthly years,
And greater good, the Word of God reveals.
In this life we have a cross that we must bear;
It’s just a tiny part of Jesus’ death that we can share.
And one day we’ll lay it down, ’cause He’s promised us a crown
To which our suffering can never be compared.

That’s why Heaven is nearer to me, and at times it is all I can see.
Sweet music I hear, coming down to my ear,
And I know that it’s playing for me.
For I am Christ the Saviour’s own bride,
And redeemed I shall stand by His side.
He will say, “Shall we dance?” and our endless romance
Will be worth all the tears I have cried.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

We have been married for over 50 years. Ed and I met while going to university and were married at age 21 – that makes us over 75 years old. We now have two children and four grandchildren.

The early years of our marriage were not happy years, but were filled with stresses and strains. We really had nothing in common. Our likes and dislikes were totally different. Our ways of spending money were different. Our ideas of an enjoyable vacation were different. I even lived with the fear that he was going to leave me.

How it all changed

We moved to Canada from the United States 38 years ago and I started to attend a Bible study. I had always believed in God and knew the Bible was true, but I really didn’t know what it said. I believed I would go to heaven just because I was a morally good person and tried to be kind and helpful to my family and friends.

It was through studying the Bible that I learned I could have a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ. It was this personal relationship that gave me the peace and direction I needed to carry on with life and making the right decisions in raising my family.

I’m not talking about a specific church or religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus. I prayed and asked His forgiveness for the sin of wanting to control my own life, and I asked God to take charge of my life. That decision didn’t mean that my life was going to be trouble free; it meant He was always there to help me through the hard times that came, because I now had a new foundation based on the solid rock of God.

Ed was not interested in spiritual things, so I continued to go to my Bible study but the rest of the time I followed the life Ed wanted to lead; however, I continued to pray for Ed and asked the Lord to do anything that it would take to bring him to know God as I did – even if that meant taking my life – but God had a different plan.

Tragedy strikes

After I had been a Christian for about ten years, we went through a time of severe testing when our son was in the hospital undergoing many operations to correct the proper drainage of fluid in his brain. To our sadness, after several months, he lost his battle with what later turned out to be an inoperable brain tumor and died; however, to our joy, this brought Ed to know and trust the Lord and it also strengthened my faith.

I became totally aware of the sovereignty of God. Because of God’s grace, even as a loving mother I never became angry or blamed Him. I never asked, “Why did you allow this to happen to my son?” or “Why did this happen to me?”

I truly learned that, “ALL things work together for the good for those who love the Lord” – just as the Bible says. We knew God’s purpose would be worked out. We didn’t know what good would come from our sorrow, but God did.

Encouraging others

Perhaps the part of the good that came is being able to encourage each of you to have the Lord as head of your family. Our family was together for Ed and my 50th wedding celebration and our grandson, who was then 19, said that our 50 years together was a great example for him and he wanted to know our secret. I told him that it took three to make a good marriage: the husband, the wife and the Lord. It doesn’t mean you won’t have differences, but by each of you seeking guidance from the Bible and God through prayer, you will be able to work out your differences.

If you aren’t married I want to recommend that you and your betrothed establish that personal relationship with God before marriage. If you have children who aren’t married, do your best to persuade them that they need that relationship. To you who are already married, remember, it is never too late to have a much better marriage by having the Lord as head of your family.

Renewed purpose in life

Now Ed and I have a totally different focus and purpose for our lives. I lead Bible studies as well as attend them. I realize we should never stop learning from God’s word. Since we have the same goals, now our desire is to serve God and to serve each other. Since he is now a Godly person and desires to follow God’s commands, I no longer have the fear that he will leave me. As I get older, if I should become incapacitated in any way, I know he will always be there to encourage me and care for me. I also have the total assurance that we will be together for eternity.

So now, it’s a wonderful life.

If you, like Norma, have gone through deep sorrows or your marriage is shaky, you will do well to establish a personal relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. He will strengthen and help you. You can do that right now by praying and inviting Jesus Christ to be in control of your life. The following is a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.

I am writing about a very difficult situation with my mother, who is 67, diagnosed with terminal cancer, and unsaved. She is a very bitter, negative, critical, and prideful woman. She alienates all of her children and her friends.

She has never apologized once in my life, and I’m 46. I was raised Jewish–when I began seeking and practicing Christianity with intent to raise my own two children (now grown) as Christians, she disowned me.

With her diagnosis two years ago, I bawled like a baby at the prospect of her dying unsaved and have prayed regularly for God to work a miracle. (Even before her diagnosis, I prayed for my family’s salvation as the rest of my family is also unsaved).

My mom’s cancer went into remission, but recently has recurred. The prognosis is not good. More than anything else, I desire to see her come to the Lord, and I know that it’s the Holy Spirit and God that have to do it.

Advice: I’m sorry to hear about your mother. My step-father (who raised me), though he went to church with us all, never had anything good to say about the church. He appeared to be a practicing agnostic. Sounds a lot like your mother. All his life people shared with him how to know God, but it seemed to anger him to hear of such things. He had his own world and made me miserable while I lived in it. He continually seemed to have rejected Christ.

Each person makes their own peace with God or not. God in His sovereignty knows who will receive Christ. My natural father did it three days before he died. His last request was that my brother and I be raised in the church.

We cannot know who will receive Christ and who will not. We cannot make others do what they should. Continue to trust in the sovereign God as you continue to grow in Christ.

In Christ,
A Power to Change Ministries mentor

Eric and Tina were retired and quite happy with the way things were going.

Their daughter was married to Mark and they were raising three beautiful children: Cassie, Allison and Justin.  Their son-in-law Mark was a hard worker and provided very well for Debbie and the kids.  He was a long distance truck driver.  When he was away on the weekends, everyone came to stay at Grandma’s house.  Retirement seemed to be perfect for Eric and Tina.

Situations can change quickly in life

As you know, situations can change quickly in life.  The school called Debbie to let her know that Allison had fallen on the playground and was having trouble getting up.

Eric and Tina’s worst fears were realized three weeks later when their seven-year-old granddaughter was diagnosed with a rare spinal disease. She was now in a wheelchair and the local doctors reluctantly told the family that she probably wouldn’t walk again.

This family doesn’t give up easily and they had faith that something could be done.  Thank goodness for the Internet!  Debbie and her friends spent countless hours searching for other cases of this disease on medical sites.  Finally they found a short article about a child in Rhode Island with a spinal disease that matched Allison’s diagnosis.  This child’s family had located a surgeon at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix that had been prepared to perform and experimental operation.  She was walking again!  There was hope…

Hope with a huge price tag

Their new hope came with a huge price tag.  This operation was not covered by their medical insurance. The estimated costs were far more than the family could afford so they started searching for grants from charitable organizations.  None existed for this type of medical procedure.  They were stuck.

There were many family meetings to strategize how to raise the money for Allison.  Eric had about half the money in savings and he willingly offered it with Tina’s blessing.  It still wasn’t enough…what were they going to do?  They agonized over the situation for a week and then came up with a solution:  grandparents Eric and Tina would sell their home and pay for the operation. They located a rental unit in a senior housing complex and made a reservation there.  This would wipe them out financially but they would still have their monthly pensions to get by on.  Without question, Allison was worth it!

The real estate sign went up in the yard and the buyer started coming through.  They had 15 showings in two weeks but no offers.  They were very discouraged.  “You mean we can’t even sell the house when we want to do this wonderful thing for our granddaughter?  How long will we have to wait?”

Offer from Heaven

On Monday morning a well-dressed couple came through with their realtor. Apparently they were looking for a home for their daughter.  (Eric and Tina were in the back yard trying to stay out of the way.)  The buyers took special interest in the vegetable garden and started talking to them.  They asked why they were selling and Tina felt she should tell them the whole story about their granddaughter.  The couple left with tears in their eyes.

On Wednesday Eric and Tina’s realtor called to say he had an offer to present to them. (What a relief) The buyer’s realtor would be there to explain things.  Could they meet at three?

This offer was unlike any other offer ever presented in the real estate business.  In the envelope was a financial commitment to pay for the entire amount of Allison’s surgery.  These buyers just happened to represent a family foundation that funded situations like this. A note attached read, “Take your ‘for sale’ sign down.  Enjoy your garden and your family…you deserve it.  Both realtors have been offered compensation and both have flatly refused.  They are so happy for you.”

Allison’s eighth birthday party was held in Grandpa and Grandma’s back yard.  The photo of her blowing out the candles showed grass stains on her new dress.  That pesky little brother Justin had been chasing her again….

© Allen Unrau

The decision to place a loved one in an assisted living facility is a difficult but frequently unavoidable one.

Even though the choice may be absolutely necessary, the person forced to make the decision for their spouse or parent often feels an overwhelming sense of guilt.

When the time came for me to decide to place my mother, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease, into assisted living, I knew as a nurse that it was the best decision for both my mother and me. All the same, I felt an enormous amount of guilt and when I came home after helping my mother move into her new community; I broke down, sobbing.

Today I work as a marketing counselor for the facility where my mother lives – so I see her every day and know firsthand that she receives excellent care – yet there are still times when I fail to hold back the tears.

Feelings of failure

Many caretakers who decide to put their loved one in an assisted living facility think they have failed them somehow, even if they have already spent years caring for them and simply cannot do so any more. I had been taking care of my mother for three years before bringing her to live in a long-term care community, helping her with daily tasks and spending every other night at her house. I even managed to make it a family effort, with my son easing much of the burden during his summers home from college. My mother did not want to leave her home and I did all I could to see that she would not have to leave.

But eventually that time came. In a fall my mother broke her foot, but she hid the injury from me. A fall like my mother’s is especially worrisome because Parkinson’s is an incurable disease which progressively and inevitably gets worse. Patients are often able to minimize the ill effects of the disease for a time, but eventually they will require frequent or constant assistance from a caregiver. My mother’s fall was a sure sign that she could no longer live on her own. When her doctor discovered that her foot was broken, he told her this in no uncertain terms. Now it became my responsibility to help her find a new home, and though part of me wanted to take care of her just as she had taken care of me as a child, I knew that I did not have the capability to care for her as her Parkinson’s progressed.

Alzheimer’s patients

In some respects my mother and I have been fortunate, in that she was aware of her doctor’s instruction and conscious of the reasons for entering an assisted living facility. Children and spouses of Alzheimer’s patients, on the other hand, must bear the full weight of responsibility when choosing the option of assisted living, though many spend months or even years denying this fact. Usually, when it comes time to seek out an assisted living facility for an Alzheimer’s patient, that patient has already reached an advanced stage of the disease and likely exhibits a number of disturbing symptoms. If the caregiver has decided that it is time to consider assisted living, the patient may already be in need of help with dressing, shaving, eating and even using the bathroom. Perhaps the patient has become delusional, convinced for instance that the caregiver wishes to harm them. These are all common symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease, and, like Parkinson’s, such symptoms will only get progressively worse. Recognizing that a patient whose Alzheimer’s has reached such a stage and may need to enter an assisted living facility is positive.

Unfortunately, I have met many people who think they can convince their parent or spouse of their need to enter an assisted living community, when in fact it is only the children or spouse of Alzheimer’s patients who can ultimately make the decision.

Compounding the grief is that patients who have reached an advanced stage of Alzheimer’s often lose awareness of recent experiences and surroundings, and may even lose recognition of their caregiver and other loved ones. Because of this, the patient will probably be confused by the move and unaware of the suffering of the child or spouse responsible for placing them in assisted living. Like I did, people begin to cry at times.  Depression and anxiety, caused by guilt, sometimes become acute.

Diminishing the guilt

But there are a number of things that one can do to diminish feelings of guilt. In my case, besides visiting my mother every day, I always make sure that she has fresh flowers in her room. When she was able to, she spent a lot of time in her garden, and the flowers help her to experience a bit of the garden all the time.

On Sundays, I spend the day with my mother in my home, picking her up early in the morning and taking her back to her assisted living facility in the evening. I try never to miss a week.

Beyond that, it helps to remind oneself of the advantages that an assisted living facility affords. Working in the community where my mother resides provides me with some added insight into those advantages, for which I am grateful. Besides the obvious – the physical aspect of care – there is the always-important social aspect of continuing care communities. My mother, even before entering the facility, was very antisocial, and I even made a friendly bet with the staff that they would not be able to get her out of her room. For three and a half years I was winning that bet, but six months ago, after much persistence on the staff’s part, they finally got her to participate in the events.

One day recently, while I was with my mother, she took out a quarter from a drawer in her room.  Though Parkinson’s makes it difficult for her to speak, she managed to say, “cards” – my mother had won the quarter playing cards.  She never used to play cards.

Despite moments like these, which remind me of all that an assisted living facility offers that I alone could not, the guilt and the grief never entirely go away. But I know my decision was the right one and I know that I am not alone in feeling involuntary pangs of guilt. My hope is that others in my position share these same realizations.

Diabetes is a serious, permanent condition that affects the body’s ability to use sugar properly.

Identifying the disease

There are two types of diabetes:

• Type I, Insulin Dependent Diabetes Mellitus (IDDM) is traditionally known as juvenile or early-onset diabetes as it usually occurs before the age of 30. This makes up about 10 to 20 per cent of all diabetic cases. People with Type I diabetes must take insulin injection since their bodies fail to produce it.

• Type II, Non-Insulin Dependent Diabetes Mellitus (NIDDM) is known as adult-onset diabetes and is caused by a decrease in the production of insulin, or cells being resistant to insulin. It usually occurs later in life (after 40 of age) and peaks between 40 and 50. This type of diabetes can sometimes be due to carrying excess weight and makes up approximately 80 to 90 per cent of diabetic cases. If caught early enough, Type II diabetes can be well managed with diet, exercise and in some cases, oral medications instead of insulin injections.

Know the symptoms

Symptoms of diabetes can vary between people. Some of the common symptoms of diabetes include hunger, thirst, frequent urination, blurred vision, tiredness, numbness or tingling in the hands and feet and frequent infections. See your doctor for a simple blood sugar test if you suspect you have diabetes. If you have a family history of the disease and are over age 60, you may have a higher risk.

In contrast to common belief, eating too much sugar does not necessarily cause diabetes. Some of the contributing factors include being overweight or many years of inconsistent eating such as regularly leaving more than four hours between meals, missing meals, eating poorly on the run or frequently over eating. Excessive alcohol intake and even excessive exercise without eating properly may also be a factor.

Preventing diabetes

The prevention of diabetes therefore lies in recognizing the potential triggers and avoiding them. One of the best things you can do is exercise regularly to maintain a healthy weight.  This doesn’t mean you must strive to be skinny but try to reduce excess body fat. Make it a priority to eat three meals with a snack between each meal throughout the day. Listen for your body’s natural hunger and fullness cues and try to respond appropriately. Stop eating when you’re full, not stuffed, and try to reduce the simple sugars in your diet.

© 2000 Wellness Matters.  Used with permission. Visit the Wellness Matters web site for more great health and wellness information.

New research suggests ways patients can better control their life-long conditions

Research Triangle Park, N.C., – A landmark survey suggests that millions of Americans living with diabetes, asthma, heart disease, depression and other chronic illnesses may gain better control of their illnesses by working with their physicians to implement five specific steps.

“Chronic Care in America™,” a comprehensive survey conducted by Harris Interactive®, is the first to reveal positive behaviors across many chronic conditions, and demonstrate why some people succeed and others struggle to manage a long-term condition. While medical researchers, policy makers and the Bush administration develop strategies to control chronic illnesses and its costs, this new study reveals straightforward actions that patients can take to improve their health today. The actions are based on the behaviors of patients who indicated in the survey that they have succeeded in managing their condition, as well as observations of physicians.

125 million Americans, or more than 44% of the nation’s population, have a chronic condition (1), and many have more than one condition, especially among the Medicare population where 63% have two or more conditions (2). Medical costs for people with chronic diseases account for more than 70% of the $1 trillion spent on healthcare each year in the United States (3).

“While our medical system is well equipped to handle acute conditions, like the flu or ear aches, managing chronic disease is more of a challenge,” says Carolyn Britton, MD, member of the National Medical Association and an advisor on the survey. “The survey shows the impact of the information age and the empowered patient, giving us a fresh look at an old problem. It demonstrates the need for the patient and physician to truly work together to control life-long conditions.” Sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, the survey identified the five steps that positively influence a patient’s success in managing chronic illness.

Five steps for success

1. Get a “prescription for information”
Information is a form of therapy, helping patients understand, accept and manage their illness. The survey shows that patients who view themselves as being the most successful at living with their condition are more likely to read and learn about their condition than those who are unsuccessful. While they are accessing the abundant health information on the Internet, the survey showed that 86% of patients relied on their doctors for information more than any other source. And both patients and physicians feel the most important physician attribute is the ability to explain things in a way that patients can understand. Patients should ask questions and request information about their condition from their doctor.

2. Be aware of depression
More than just feeling down, depression is a serious barrier to long-term success. Depressed patients are less likely to succeed in managing their condition. Less than half (43%) of those who reported that they had been diagnosed with depression were successful at managing their condition. It is also important to note that those with chronic illnesses have a 25-33% chance of suffering from depression in addition to their other condition(s).  This is a significantly higher risk than found in the general population.

Patients and their caregivers need to be educated about the signs and symptoms of depression and alert the physician when problems arise. Physicians, in turn, can also help their patients by being on the lookout for signs of depression, either as a stand-alone or a co-morbid condition.

3. Make your physician a partner in care
The survey suggests that patients and physicians strike a balance of responsibility, moving toward greater collaboration in the management of illness. Today’s empowered consumer knows there are choices in care and therapy, and while patients look to their physician for information and advice, 55% of successful patients say their physician usually selects treatments with them, not for them.

Kurt Elward, MD, of the American Academy of Family Physicians and member of the advisory board, points to the emergence of a new bedside manner. “Patients want – and need – a more active role in their treatment decisions. They desire a new combination of ‘high tech and high touch,’ as they are guided in the selection and control of their condition. Given new treatment choices, and the many options for medical information, it seems more important than ever to be ‘in the boat’ with the patient as they try to navigate the course of their chronic condition,” says Dr. Elward. “Knowing that many patients see more than one physician, developing relationships with all doctors and helping coordinate care across specialties is also an important point of discussion between patients and their family physician.”

4. Take action immediately after your diagnosis
According to the survey, patients who have successfully managed their chronic condition responded to their diagnosis by swiftly thinking about the lifestyle changes needed and how to adapt to them. Conversely, those patients who were less successful tended to avoid the issue, deny the diagnosis, and withdraw. Specifically, 65% of unsuccessful patients wished their condition “would just go away” at diagnosis and 51% were afraid of becoming a burden. Patients were asked to think back to the diagnosis and talk about what would have been most helpful. The number one answer was learning more about their condition and symptoms earlier. However, an interesting disparity was identified between how much information physicians think they are providing and the amount of information patients believe they are receiving. Few patients said they had received information about websites from physicians, while more than half of the physicians interviewed said that they provided it.

“Diagnosis can be a frightening time for the patient. The patient may not hear or understand everything we have to say,” says Dr. Britton. ”But it is a teachable moment and important time for the doctor to arm patients with information for success, set them off on the right path, and see them soon after diagnosis to ensure they have what they need from the beginning to take charge of their health.”

5. Make a healthy investment in you
Let’s face it, change can be difficult, and most conditions require modifications in diet, exercise, and/or other day-to-day activities. While it is not surprising that successful patients are more likely to have made these types of changes, the question is what enables them to change. Remember, successful patients worked on a plan of action immediately following diagnosis and it’s essential to stick with that plan. There are other steps they took as well.

Successful patients didn’t simply separate themselves from the lives they had before diagnosis. Instead, they often relied on the people and things that had always been a source of strength to help them make constructive changes. Fifty-four percent of respondents said that their family and friends encouraged them to make needed changes in their lives. These patients made a “healthy investment” in time to integrate the management of their condition into a new routine that was both personally motivating and right for their illness. The survey found that physicians recognize their role in helping patients make these lifestyle changes and report their most frequent strategies are providing information, helping patients set goals, and encouraging participation in patient support groups.

“The findings from this survey can help us better manage chronic conditions and improve quality of life,” says Dr. Britton. “It demonstrates that true partnership between physician and patient is key to success, and by working together, we can make huge strides in treating and controlling chronic illness in this country.” To receive copies of a patient brochure on the five steps for success, please call #888-825-5249.

Advisory board

A national advisory board of leaders from organizations working to improve healthcare in America consulted on the survey with GlaxoSmithKline to find day-to-day solutions to the growing health concerns of chronic conditions. Members of the National Advisory Board who aided in design and interpretation of the survey include:

Chronic Care in America™ was conducted by Harris Interactive®, a worldwide market research and consulting firm, and was funded by GlaxoSmithKline. Surveys were conducted within the United States among samples of 3,291 adult patients (ages 18+) and among 1,005 physicians, both by telephone and online between November 11 and December 23, 2002. Figures for age, sex, race, education, income and propensity to be online were weighted where necessary to align them with their actual proportions in the population. In theory, with a probability sample of this size, one can say with 95% certainty that the results have a statistical precision of +/- 2.8 percentage points (for patient data) and +/- 3.1 percentage points (for physician data) of what they would be if the entire population had been polled with complete accuracy.

Gerard Anderson, Ph.D.
Director, Partnership for Solutions
Johns Hopkins University

Richard Bringewatt
President and CEO,
National Chronic Care Consortium

Carolyn Britton, MD,
Finance Chair, Board of Trustees
National Medical Association, and
Associate Professor of Clinical Neurology,
Columbia University

Kurt Elward, MD, MPH, FAAFP
American Academy of Family Physicians

Donald Fisher, Ph.D, CAE
President and CEO,
American Medical Group Association

David Lansky, Ph.D.
President,
FACCT: Foundation for Accountability

Gregg Lehman, Ph.D.
Former President and CEO,
National Business Coalition on Health

Barbara Rimer, Dr.P.H.
Professor, Health Behaviors and
Health Education Deputy Director,
Population Sciences
Lineberger Comprehensive Cancer Center
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Myrl Weinberg, CAE
President, National Health Council

GlaxoSmithKline, with U.S. operations in Philadelphia and Research Triangle Park, N.C., is one of the world’s leading research-based pharmaceutical and health care companies. GlaxoSmithKline is committed to improving the quality of human life by enabling people to do more, feel better and live longer.

References

1. Partnership for Solutions, The Problem: About Chronic Conditions, July 2002.

2. The Center for Medicare Advocacy, Inc., The Clinical Characteristics of Medicare Beneficiaries and the Implications for Medicare Reform, March 2002

3. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Unrealized Prevention Opportunities: Reducing the Health and Economic Burden of Chronic Disease, November 2000.

On May 25, 2001, Doug Rae of North Vancouver, British Columbia lost his wife Judy to cancer when she was only 61-years-old. What follows is an interview that occurred just over one year later. Hopefully it will provide a point of contact and inspiration to readers who are currently going through similar circumstances.

Kevin: Describe your initial reaction to the news that Judy had cancer.

Doug: Surprise! The cancer was minute, undetected on an earlier mammogram. As chemotherapy started and the ‘news’ spread, we met many cancer survivors. We were upbeat about it, joking that Judy had only 30 more years to live.

Kevin: How did your attitude towards Judy’s illness change once you learned the cancer was terminal?

Doug: Judy never did experience a time of remission. It went right from the breast, to the lymph nodes, to the chest cavity and then to the liver. When we realized the seriousness of it, we took a two-week holiday with friends in Hawaii. I phoned our children to let them know that the next time they saw us, Mom would be in a wheelchair. Immediately upon our return, an emergency CAT scan revealed multiple metastases in the brain. Our oncologist’s report of March 19, 2001, concluded with, ‘Sadly, this is indeed the beginning of the end.’

Kevin: What were some of the main issues you faced during her illness?

Doug: A sudden change in priorities. Hospital and doctor visits, chemotherapy, surgery and radiation became the focal point of our planning instead of entertaining, overseas mission trips or home-based Bible discussion groups.

Kevin: How did the illness impact your marriage?

Doug: When eternity is being faced realistically, trivialities become just that, and the real issues of life and death – and eternal life to follow – become the central focus. We were drawn much closer together during these times and we really began to understand the meaning of unconditional love.

Kevin: How did the illness impact your family?

Doug: Very deeply. We are a close-knit family that has always, and still does, take significant holidays together. Judy, with her infectious personality and generosity, was clearly a strong bonding agent among us.

Kevin: What were your main struggles during this time?

Doug: I believe Judy struggled the most. She loved to serve the Lord, her family and her friends.  As her steadily increasing weakness took away her gift of hospitality, it was difficult for her to become the one being served. For me, the biggest difficulty was a feeling of helplessness. My family, friends and I regularly prayed for Judy’s healing, but it was God’s plan to take his special treasure home to heaven. While we were certainly disappointed with God’s timing and would wish that she were still with us, nonetheless, we know that ‘All things work together for good to those who love God’ (Romans 8:28).

Kevin: What were some of your joys?

Doug: Judy was very gifted in creating fabric folk art, and the Lord enabled her to do this until just over a week before her “home-going.” We also enjoyed reading the Bible together, especially treasuring many of God’s eternal promises like: ‘For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us’ (Romans 8:18).

Kevin: Did you experience any regrets?

Doug: Although we both thought we were Christians when we married, neither one of us knew Christ personally as our Lord and Saviour. I came to trust in Jesus the year we married and Judy became a Christian fifteen years later. The most serious ‘regret’ we have is that her older brother has never declared his personal faith in Jesus. A holiday in the Maritimes is also something that we had to delay – permanently. Instead, Judy has gone on an eternal universe adventure tour.

Kevin: How did Judy’s illness impact your faith?

Doug: Her illness took us to our knees in prayer, with the result that our faith grew stronger.  Although it was the Lord’s will not to heal her, she was joyful and victorious to the finish, filled to overflowing with his supernatural peace and love, knowing in her heart that ‘the best was yet to come.’ The radiant reality on her face spoke volumes as her faith blossomed in the deep valley, which truly strengthened the faith of all she met, especially as she finished her race and kept the faith.

Kevin: What was the most important thing that got you through this experience?

Doug: Our total trust in the finished and perfect work of our Lord Jesus is the essential ingredient to overcoming life’s last enemy, death. For the believer, death is swallowed up in victory. We all miss Judy, but she is now in glory, fully cured and we shall see her again.

Kevin: What advice can you give to others who are currently going through this process?

Doug: First: Be certain you have a living, vital, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.  Do not substitute religion, good works or church traditions, which are all centred in man. True Christian faith trusts in what Christ has done for us, not what we do for him. Second: Read God’s Word, the Bible, and be doers of His word, not just hearers who end up fooling themselves. When His word is a living reality in one’s life, His Spirit will sustain anyone through whatever trials He may allow.