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“As He was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met Him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

When He saw them, He said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed. One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then He said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well” (Luke 17:12-19).

My wife arrived home with flowers more beautiful than any I had ever given her. A dozen roses: pink, white, yellow, red, orange. They burst from the vase amid baby’s breath and leafy filler. And she wore a smile that told me she felt appreciated.

My wife is a career counselor and coach.  She helps people figure out why they can’t get employment or keep it. Each month she sees a dozen clients pass her way who struggle with issues related to work and home. Some lack schooling. Others perseverance. Still others carry deep wounds from hurtful pasts that make them seethe with anger—and it shows. For many their hurts act like leprosy, gnawing away at their vocational potential.

By the time clients leave the course they have picked up important insights into their personalities, how they manage time (or not), how they handle conflict (or don’t), as well as interview and resume-writing skills. During the program some people huff and gruff and argue “I know all this,” or “The problem isn’t me; it’s been my four bosses!” and they leave largely unchanged. Others show a more humble posture, listening, learning, soaking it in.

One attentive client was Nadia, and within a few weeks of finishing the program, she landed her dream job as office administrator and bookkeeper for a small construction firm. Days later she returned with the roses as a thank you. My wife will see a hundred clients a year, but only a handful return to say thanks. Like the nine lepers who were healed, the other ninety-some are busy about their lives, forgetting whom they might thank.

It really doesn’t matter who we are or what we’ve accomplished, we’re all lepers in some way. And along our journey others have helped. A teacher, a coach, a parent, a friend. May we be thankful for those who have invested in us, and let them know about it.

Question: Who has touched you? Who might you hand a dozen roses?

Do you see yourself as being self-motivated? What motivates you in your game? In life?

Related reading:
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The Lost Art of Leadership

A conflict coach is trained in conflict resolution and usually works with a couple for a limited, focused time, anywhere from one to three days.  The coach will help a couple identify problem areas and correct attitudes, actions, and wrong ideas so that a couple can reestablish communication. A conflict coach guides the couple to resolve each conflict so that a couple can move toward counseling having overcome the previous communication barrier.

A counselor, on the other hand, can help you work through a variety of issues—recovering from an affair, overcoming problems with in-laws, dealing with hurts or offenses from the past, learning how to forgive someone according to Scripture, etc. This may be a long-term process, depending on the depth of your hurt and how much it has affected your marriage. Counseling goes much deeper, but it depends on open communication.

Bottom line: When communication has broken down, conflict coaching can reestablish communication so that a couple can go on to seek counseling for the deep issues or problems that trouble their marriage.

Finding a Conflict Coach

In strategic alliance with Peacemaker® Ministries, FamilyLife USA now offers a list of trained conflict coaches who have earned the status of Certified Christian Conciliator™ from the Institute for Christian Conciliation of Peacemaker® Ministries.

FamilyLife Canada does not currently have such a list. 

All my life, I wanted to be a head football coach of an NFL team more than anything else.

At times, I even wanted it more than God or my family. I bought right into the world’s game plan. In my eyes, being a head coach would give me all the things I wanted, things like money and prestige. My goal became an obsession.

God gave me my first wake-up call in 1972 when I met a small, unassuming Sunday School teacher named George Tharel while I was coaching at the University of Arkansas. He was a man at peace with himself and God. Being driven was one of my strengths, but I envied people like George who could relax and enjoy life. By looking at George’s life, I started to see that there was another game plan besides the world’s. God’s plan was not based on money, position or winning football games. God was only concerned with me having a right relationship with Him. And even though I had become a Christian when I was nine-years-old, I had never made God a priority. George helped me to see this.

One night in church I went forward and confessed in my heart that though I knew God, I had not been living for Him. After re-dedicating my life to God that night, it became evident that I was different. Some of the changes were immediate; others have been a process.

One major process God took me through was being able to trust Him with my career. In 1978, my first year as the offensive coordinator for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I just knew I was one step away from being a head coach. That was until we finished the season 4 and 12 — the first unsuccessful program I’d ever been a part of. After that season, I was offered a job with the San Diego Chargers. The only problem was that the job was not as the offensive coordinator. I would have to be a backfield coach-go backwards in my career-and work under another assistant coach. My pride got in the way, and it really bothered me. I took the job, but I had no peace about it.

So I decided to go see George back in Arkansas. I got on a plane, but a snowstorm prevented me from making it to see him. I started asking God Why? Why are you doing this to me? Back at the airport, I came across a Bible. I picked it up and turned to the first chapter of James. Out of nowhere, a guy about my age tapped me on the shoulder and said, ‘I claimed the verses in that chapter about six months ago.’ Without me saying a word, this guy rattled off a story that paralleled mine almost exactly. He had the job that he’d always wanted, lost it and tried everything he could do to get it back. Then God, in His timing, gave it back to him. This was no coincidence! God brought this guy into my life to show me what I needed to do. So I turned my situation over to God. Within two weeks the offensive coordinator left, opening up the position for me. Two years later, I became the head coach of the Washington Redskins.

When I quit listening to the world’s myths about success and happiness and left the job of promoting me to a head coaching job in God’s hands, He did it. And even though I’ve always felt that my family was important, it wasn’t until God helped me get my priorities straight in other areas that I realized my wife and family needed to come before my career.

Like anyone else, I wanted to be happy and successful, and that was the path I had been on my whole life. I took the long road but discovered that what I was looking for was not something to be pursued. Success and happiness were by-products of a life given over to God. It seems I had to learn that lesson more than once, and in many ways I’m still learning it.

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

I still remember the look on the team doctor’s face when he announced that I had Multiple Myeloma,

Encouraging news

Things looked pretty bad, but my doctor told me not to worry about dying just yet. He prescribed a regimen of chemotherapy and arranged for a stem cell transplant. ‘That will keep you around for the next four or five years for sure,’ he said. ‘By then, they’ll have come up with some new things to help you. I was really encouraged by this news, especially once I found out I could keep coaching for the next two or three months.

Relying on God

It has been a year now since I was diagnosed with cancer. I am in remission and off all medication. The most important thing that got me through it all was my faith in God. There were many times I laid in the hospital wondering if I would ever get out. I would cry out to God and ask for His help and I always knew I could always rely on God.

I have been a Christian since I was a young kid and I have always felt that death is not something to be afraid of. Knowing Jesus means that when I die I am going to heaven. I have a place to go when it is all over.

In tribute

About 1,400 mourners attended a 90-minute tribute to Roger Neilson, at the Northview Pentecostal Church in Peterborough, ON {Canada } on Saturday June 28th, 2003. The 69-year-old former NHL coach died on June 21st, after a 3 year battle with cancer.

In December 1999, he had been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and had a successful stem cell transplant in March 2000. He was also diagnosed in January 2001 with malignant melanoma, the worst form of skin cancer. Roger Neilson 1934 – 2003.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.