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Struggling with loving others? We are here to pray with you

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” (James 5:16, NLV)

Have you noticed how perfect people LOOK at church? They seem to have no problems, no messiness.   They’re in their nice “Sunday best” clothes with smiles on their faces, and everyone looks perfect regardless of how their week has gone.

On the other hand have you noticed how imperfect you FEEL when you get there?  Maybe you just couldn’t find the right clothes to wear or you’re reeling from an argument you just had with your spouse on the way?  Maybe your teenager has refused to get out of bed or you’ve had a terrible, awful, bad week?  We all arrive at church knowing our inside messiness and seeing only the outside perfectness of everyone else.  So we wear a mask in the hopes that it will disguise us enough that people won’t recognize how broken we really are. The mask wearing only leads to isolation and aloneness.

I have to wonder . . . is this what God intended for us to experience in the body of Christ?

I remember vividly the Sunday when I felt the messiest.  My seventeen-year-old son had been arrested over the weekend for shoplifting.  It was one of the lowest times of my life – I felt like such a failure.  As I carefully arranged my mask and stepped into the atrium area of our church on that Sunday after his arrest, I looked around and saw all the “perfect families” with their “perfect children” and it was all I could do to stay where I was and not run screaming from the building.

I wondered if anyone had problems like I had, whether they could see the sorrow in my eyes that I was trying to hide.  Did they know I was a failure?  Did they even care?  What would they say if they found out?  What would they think of me? That day it felt as if I had a big scarlet letter on my chest, warning people not to get too close.  It was all I could do to act like nothing was wrong and get to my car as fast as I could.

It wasn’t that my church family was insensitive or judgmental; it was my own perception and pride that would not allow me to be transparent. It isolated me from any intrusions into my pain. So why aren’t we more open and transparent?  Wouldn’t that really be more attractive to people than trying to prove that we are perfect?  James 5:16 (NLV) says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

God calls us to be open, vulnerable and honest about our failings and struggles because He knows that that is the place where we will find healing.   When we choose to keep our failures and difficulties to ourselves we move into a place of isolation and loneliness as we forge a path on our own.

And isn’t that just what Satan wants? He wants to keep us all in our own little fortresses “safe from the outside world” where no one can be a witness to our pain and discouragement and where we will be unable to care for and encourage someone else?  He doesn’t want us to be what God intended the church body to be to one another.

On that Sunday of my son’s arrest, I ran into a dear friend after church.   Knowing the brokenness she had experienced in her own life, I felt free to take off my mask.  Through many tears I poured out my heartache to her and experienced no judgment from her, only love and concern.  My friend was the church for me that day and I will always remember her love and care when I was in a very difficult and lonely place.

This Sunday, when you walk into your church building, remember that the people around you are not perfect, they might look like they are but they’re not.  Ask God to help you to have the courage to take off your mask and be transparent and to open your eyes and allow you to be the church to someone who is hurting and in need.

Father God, It’s so tempting to keep my mask on. Please gently peel the mask out of my hands so that I can truly be part of this community You’ve called me to. Help me to be willing to let others help me.  Amen

Question: Are you wearing a mask? Ask God for courage to be transparent or to be open to others who need your help.

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in [a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 28:18-19)

It was five am. Twenty young men gathered in the dark of the morning in running shorts and shoes dreading the next twelve minutes of their lives.  The instructions were pretty clear: “You’ve got twelve minutes to run two miles. Go.”

We were athletes, but not professionals, and certainly not runners. It was awful, but we knew that if we all made the time, we would never have to do this again. Twelve minutes later, lungs searing, legs weakening, some of us were still running. To our chagrin, we returned the next morning, and the next, and the next.  We kept at it until every man made the designated time.

Each morning we cheered our slower comrades on until someone got a bright idea: “Get behind them!” Everyone started to clue in. If we all took a few hundred yards and pushed our teammates, even slightly, we could help them remarkably! It was a revolutionary realization.

If we truly want to help someone, it’s best to come alongside him. Encouragement works the same way. Cheering from the sidelines can help somewhat, but physically being there is immeasurably better.

This is not a new idea. It’s ancient! In fact, the original meaning of the word “encouragement” refers to someone who is urging you on, while being close to you. It’s both vocal and proximal – it’s spoken and present. It’s a plea to continue on strong and a hand to help you do it.

Don’t just cheer from the sidelines. Get your hands dirty too. The Holy Spirit, our Comforter, is present with us because we need Him. His presence is life giving. If God has drawn near to us through His Spirit, isn’t it natural that we should be there for others too?

Pray: “Father God, thank You for Your Holy Spirit who is the Comforter. Spirit of God, dwell in me. Give me a love for others that naturally seeks to encourage them. Give me the humility and the confidence to draw near to my neighbor and physically help him in his time of need. Amen.”

Question: How have you been encouraged in the past?

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Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27: 17)

These days, especially in large metropolitan areas, the Christian has a lot to choose from. You can attend a small neighborhood church with dozen of members or you can attend a mega church with thousands of members. You can hear great preaching and sermons that spiritually excite you in person, on line or on television. You can hear wonderful Christian music that inspires you.

But no matter where you go or what you hear, unless you are involved in a small group experience, you are not sharpening your spiritual growth. I am talking about Bible fellowship classes, small group Bible studies, prayer groups and accountability partnerships.

All of us are the product of the people we meet, the places we go and the books we read. If we hang around with dogs, we get fleas. In life, we are an associational product. It’s not easy to love a “G Rated” life in an “X Rated world.

The best way to live a holy life is to hang around with those who do. Get involved in a Bible fellowship, a morning Bible and accountability group, or a weekly luncheon with Christian brethren.

Living a holy life is not easy, but in order to do so, we must live in fellowship with God and have the flavor of God in our life. All of that goes with the development of a healthy and godly fear in our lives. To live a holy life, I must be identified with God and with Holy living. The best way to do that is to hang around with holy people.

Since I became a Christian I don’t do what I used to and I am not who I once was. But, I am human and I can slip and slide, especially when I hang around with the wrong people, read the wrong books (TV’s shows, movies and the like) and go the wrong places. No matter how solid my faith, there are limits to the temptation I can resist.

Getting saved is something I have to do alone. It is a private and personal thing between God and me. But living the Christian life is something that is best done in a group setting. It needs to be done with others and, like putting on your clothes, it is something that needs to be done daily. Daily, I must walk with the Spirit or risk walking in the flesh.

Living the Christian life is not easy in this demoralized world, but a team approach makes any task easier. Iron does sharpen iron, as Christians sharpen one another. So, pull along others and grow together.

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10 Ways to help your community
How to give cheerfully
What does your community say about you?
Are you struggling to belong? We are here to listen.

One of the simplest ways to reach out to your community is start with what you are already doing.

When it comes to donating I tend to think of the basics.  If someone is hungry my concern is feeding him or her, I don’t really worry about making it pretty.  But if I’m feeding the people I love, I take that time.  I wondered what it would look like if I took that same care and effort on something I was planning to give away.  A couple of years ago I did just that, getting together with friends and family to make really fancy Christmas cookies that weren’t for us.  It turned out to be such a good thing that we’ve done it ever since.

Cookies as ministry

Last year we used the ovens in the church kitchen to bake 12 dozen sugar cookies. Then we spent a delightful Saturday afternoon icing snowmen and angels, Christmas trees and reindeer.  We had Christmas music playing and lots of hot chocolate. It was a wonderful day.  When it was all finished we took the cookies to our local drop in center for homeless teens.  As we dropped them off I wondered, “When was the last time someone did something special for one of these kids?”

We’ve made cookies for a women’s shelter and a men’s halfway house.  They are always very well received and they’re not hard for me to do, I was baking cookies anyway.  The groceries to make a few dozen cookies cost less than $20 and the time it takes is no hardship because I like making cookies, it’s fun.  (Plus, this way I get the fun of making more cookies than our small family could eat.)

It is impossible to overestimate the power of a personal touch in the lives of people who feel forgotten.  I confess that there have been times when I have turned away from the homeless while walking along a busy downtown street.  The truth is that I don’t want to see them. I don’t like being reminded that there are people who have so little and people in other countries who have even less.  The cookies are one way to turn back toward them instead of turning away.  A cookie isn’t going to change the world, but it can change someone’s day.  It’s a reminder that Christmas is for them too.

Stretch what you’re already doing

If you’re not much of baker, just take a look at what it is that you’re already doing.  Are you hanging Christmas lights? Find someone else who needs help hanging his or her lights.  Are you shopping for gifts for your kids? Put an extra toy in your cart and find somewhere to give it away.  Ask God to show you how you can take what you are already doing and stretch it a little further.  What you have might not seem like much, but God is really good at taking our little offering and doing something spectacular with it.

At church this past Sunday our pastor talked a little about generosity. He said that he often hears people say that if they had more money they’d be generous and his answer to them is, “No you wouldn’t. Generosity has nothing to do with your money.” He’s right.  Generosity has nothing to do with what you can afford; generosity it all about what you make room for.

In my family we make room by rolling out a few extra cookies and decorating them as if we were planning to keep them. It may look different in your family but the heart of it is the same. Generosity is not about the extra, the leftovers, or surplus. Generosity happens when I say, “I was going to have this, I was planning to spend it on me, but here, I want you to have it instead.” Generosity comes out of our own comfort, our willingness to make a little room.  Start with what you have in your hands and make a little extra.  Ask God to use it and you’ll be amazed at what He does.

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Do you have the Christmas spirit?
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Trusting God enough to give

Belonging is one of the deepest needs of the human heart. Belonging tells us who we are. It tells us who would miss us if we were gone and who is happy to see us at the end of the day.  Our need for community goes bone deep.  If you don’t belong anywhere it can feel like you’re just drifting through life.  Have you ever been on the outside looking in?

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Everyone longs to be part of community. Where do you belong?
When will this place feel like home?
Feeling alone? Talk to a mentor. We’re here to listen.

Take the next step:
Everyone longs to be part of community. Where do you belong?
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Feeling alone? Talk to a mentor. We’re here to listen.

 “From him the whole body … grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”  Ephesians 4:16

A church needs more than just a pastor or a worship leader. Whether it’s a new church or one that’s been around for years, it takes all kinds of people to grow a church.

Are you good at math, organization, or working with children? How about sign painting? All of these abilities are needed. So what can you contribute to your church?

When Kay and I started Saddleback Church, we had one service with 15 people that grew to a core of 60 people by the end of the first year. These people weren’t preachers or teachers; they were just normal people doing different kinds of normal things. Thirty-one years later those people are still at the heart of our church. And if you ask any of them if the time and abilities they have contributed were worth it, they would tell you “yes”.

Serving the church is probably the most important and significant thing you will do in your life, because the church will outlast everything. Your job and hobbies will not go into eternity. Even nations and governments will not go into eternity. The church, the family of God, is the only thing that’s going to last forever.

The Bible says, “When you meet together, one person has a song, and another has a teaching. Another has a new truth from God. Another speaks in a different language …. The purpose of all these things should be to help the church grow ….” (1 Corinthians 14:26, NCV). Everybody should bring what they are good at to the table, because no one person is good at everything.

You have God-given gifts and abilities that the church needs. Whether it’s your home church that you’ve attended for years or a new church plant that’s just getting started, what will your contribution be?

Question: How would you like to serve in your local church or other Christian community?