What can you do when a friend fails you?

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3,10)

All I heard was yelling.  It was as if my head was submerged under water.  I could hear her speaking to me but couldn’t fathom what she was saying. It felt like I was  going to be sick.  What was she saying? What was I supposed to say? As I stood in my kitchen that day and listened to my dear friend yell at me, I wondered how we could have gotten to this place.

We had been doing life together for about 5 years, my friend and I – having babies, hanging out as families and doing ministry together.  We were the only two women in a world of men and we were allies.  But our roles had recently changed and she did not like the decisions I was making.  We were no longer allies or even friends and my heart was breaking.  Why couldn’t we just work this out?  Why did it have to be like this?  Didn’t she know me well enough that she could trust that I had her best interest at heart? 

I watched as our friendship blew up in my face and could do nothing to stop it.

I met with a mentor as I wrestled through what God wanted me to do in regards to our relationship.  As we were discussing the situation my mentor made a statement I’ve never forgotten.  He said, “What you’re seeing here, Kristi, is the purest form of legalism – she is saying, “it’s my way or the highway”.  God’s answer to legalism is grace.  And I believe God has given you an extra measure of grace to reach out to her and draw her back into fellowship.  But with that grace I believe that God is calling you to take the higher road, to humble yourself and go to her and seek to restore your friendship.”

I remember thinking at the time, “This is completely opposite of what the world would tell me to do.  The world would say, ‘she did you wrong, run as far away from her as possible.  You shouldn’t allow yourself to be treated like that.’” 

But I knew in my heart my mentor was right, that God was calling me to lay down my life for her and to go to her in humility and grace. I wish I could tell you that our relationship was restored but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way.  What I do know is that I did what God was calling me to do even though it was completely upside down from what the world would say I should do. He blessed me through my obedience.

In Matthew 5, Jesus talks about what it looks like to live in His upside down kingdom.  Jesus goes on to say, “But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too…You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies!Pray for those who persecute you!”  (Matthew 5:39-40 & 43-44, NLV)

When we follow Jesus, He calls us to a higher path – a road less followed, a road of radical obedience to His WAY.  The world will tell you that you will be walked on if you do things His way; that you will be trapped and misused, if you hold to that kind of lifestyle. But Jesus says that living in His Kingdom sets us apart and shows the world that we are different!  The truth is that when we live in His upside down kingdom we experience a life of true blessing and freedom.

Father, When you call me to do the unusual, upside down thing, help me to act swiftly trusting that the upside down thing is also the very best thing.  Amen. 

Question: Think about a time when you had to lay down your life in obedience to Jesus that went against your personal feelings. How were some ways you overcame?

Originally written by Charles H. Spurgeon, published in “Mornings & Evenings,” entry for May 2nd, AM.
Updated to modern English by Darren Hewer, 2011.

“I pray not that Thou shouldst take them out of the world.” John 17:15

It is a sweet and blessed event which will occur to all believers in God’s own time: Going home to be with Jesus. In a few more years the Lord’s soldiers, who are now fighting “the good fight of faith” (1 Timothy 6:12) will be done with conflict, and will enter into the joy of their Lord.

But although Christ prays that His people will eventually be with Him where He is, He does not ask that they may be taken at once away from this world to heaven. He wishes them to stay here. Yet how frequently does the wearied pilgrim put up the prayer, “Oh that I had wings like a dove! For then would I fly away and be at rest.” But Christ does not pray like that. He leaves us in His Father’s hands until, like corn fully ripe, we shall each be gathered into our Master’s presence.

Jesus does not plead for our instant removal by death. Our abiding in the flesh is needed for others if not profitable for ourselves. He asks that we be kept from evil, but He never asks for us to be admitted to the inheritance in glory until we are of full readiness.

Christians often want to die when they have any trouble. Ask them why, and they tell you, “Because we would be with the Lord.” I fear it is not so much because they are longing to be with the Lord, as because they desire to get rid of their troubles. If it were so, they would feel the same wish to die at other times when not under the pressure of trial. They want to go home, not so much for the Savior’s company, as to be at rest. Now it is quite right to desire to depart if we can do it in the same spirit that Paul did, because to be with Christ is far better, but the wish to escape from trouble is a selfish one. (Philippians 1:21-26)

Let your desire be to glorify God by your life here as long as He pleases, even though it is in the midst of toil, conflict, and suffering, leave Him to say when “it is enough.”

Question: How do you pray in times of toil, conflict, and suffering?

Are you feeling ready to walk away from a relationship – are you possibly even considering divorce?  We can pray for you.

No one likes to think of herself as needy. We prefer other adjectives for ourselves, words that reflect strength or wisdom. Just for a moment think about your own needs. It’s easier to think of someone else and how to help them but can you identify where you are needy?

There is a tool we can use to help us see our own need. It is the tool of paying attention to any conflict in our lives. Conflict often reflects unmet needs. Think about it for a moment.

Recall the last encounter you had with conflict. Most of us don’t have to dig very far into our memories. Sometimes the unmet need is basic and easy to remedy such as the need for sleep.

Yet often it is much deeper. The need to feel valued and heard or the need to be accepted or respected can cause conflict from a wounded heart.

Control and manipulation finds their roots in an unmet need. Trying to manage the outcome of all that is gong on around you is exhausting and causes conflict at many levels.

Think about where conflict exists in your life and ask God to help you identify any unmet need, yours or someone else’s that may exist at the root of it. Begin to pray about those needs.

When you see potential conflict on your horizon… stop… and use the opportunity as a tool to build into your own life or to pray into another’s. Look honestly at yourself and GROW through conflict.

G- Give God the opportunity to reveal to your heart any unmet need that may be at the root of this conflict. Be open to seeing your own need and to praying for the needs of another. It will help dissolve hostility too.

R- Recognize that God is the only One who can meet all of your needs.

O- Open your heart to God’s help, asking Him to be the Source you need for that unmet need in your life. Consider asking another Christian to pray for you in this.

W- Walk beside another in prayer as you pray for their unmet needs asking God to be their Source in meeting the needs of their soul.

God promises to be the Source for all of your needs.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

Father God, please help me to identify the unmet needs that exist in the conflicts I find myself in. Help me to turn to You to meet the deep needs of my heart. Help me to pray for the needs in the lives of those I have conflict with. Be the source of all I need today. In Jesus’ strong name I pray, Amen.

Questions: As you take time to think about your life, what would you say are your needs? What are some ways you can discover what your needs are?

Can we pray for you today?

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16)

If I asked you to identify any conflict in your life that is concerning you today, who or what jumps to your mind?

There is a tool we can use daily in helping us resolve conflict. Conflict very often reflects unmet needs.

Think about it for a moment. Recall the last encounter you had with conflict. Most of us don’t have to dig very far into our memories. Sometimes the unmet need is very basic and easy to remedy such as the need for sleep or food. We often see this with our children. Regular sleeping and eating does a world of good.

Yet conflict is often much deeper. The need to feel valued and heard or the need to be accepted or respected can cause conflict from a wounded heart. Control and manipulation can stem from an angry heart, rooted in a need to forgive others or oneself.

We all have ashes in our lives. A wise friend of mine has said, “Listen for the ashes in people’s lives and then pray into them.” Ashes exist where hope has burned up and need remains. Think about where conflict exists in your life and ask God to help you identify any unmet need, whether yours or someone else’s, that may exist at the root of it. Begin to pray into those needs.

The deep needs of our heart can only be adequately met by God. He is the one who promised to bring “beauty out of ashes” (Isaiah 61:3). When you see potential conflict lurking on your horizon… stop… and use the opportunity as a tool to build into your own life or to pray into another’s. Look honestly at yourself. Grow from it in these four ways:

Give God the opportunity to reveal to your heart any unmet need that may be at the root of this conflict. Be open to seeing your own need and be open to praying into the needs of another. It will help dissolve hostility too.

Recognize that God is the only One who can meet all of your needs.

Open your heart to God’s help, asking Him to be the Source you need for that unmet need in your life. Bring another Christian alongside who can pray for you in this as you move toward God’s healing and finding “beauty from ashes.”

Walk beside another in prayer as you pray for their unmet needs. Even if they may not be open to you, you can still pray into their life, asking God to be their Source in meeting the needs of their soul.

God invites us to ask for His help in our needs.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).

God promises to be the Source for all of our unmet needs.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

As we seek God in our conflicts and allow Him to reveal where we are needy, He will supply what we need and we will be equipped, in greater ways, to extend our hands to the needy in our pathway.

Father God, thank you that You are the Source for all of our needs…. for all of my needs today. Help me to allow You to GROW me in and through the deep needs of my heart. I thank You in the name of Jesus, amen.

Questions: Can you identify any conflict in your life that is concerning you today? Think about where conflict exists in your life and ask God to help you identify any unmet need, whether yours or someone else’s, that may exist at the root of it.

“Wherefore we would have come unto you … but Satan hindered us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:18 (KJV)

Since the first hour in which goodness came into conflict with evil, it has never ceased to be true in spiritual experience that Satan hinders us. From all points of the compass, all along the line of battle, in front and behind, at the dawn of day and in the midnight hour, Satan hinders us. If we toil in the field, he seeks to break the plow. If we build a wall, he labors to cast down the stones. If we serve God in suffering or in conflict, everywhere Satan hinders us.

He hinders us when we are first coming to Jesus Christ. Everyone experiences fierce conflicts with Satan when we first look to the cross and live. When we are saved, Satan endeavors to hinder the completeness of our personal character. You may be congratulating yourself, thinking “I have until now walked consistently and no one can challenge my integrity.” Beware of boasting, for your virtue will yet be tested. Satan will direct his efforts against that virtue for which you have become proud.

If you continue as a firm believer, your faith will soon be attacked. If you have been meek as Moses, expect to be tempted to speak unadvisedly with your lips. The birds will peck at your ripest fruit, and the wild boar will bludgeon his tusks against your choicest vines.

Satan is sure to hinder us when we are earnest in prayer. He attacks our persistence, and weakens our faith in order that, if possible, we may miss out on God’s blessing. Satan is vigilant in obstructing Christian effort. There was never a revival of religion without a revival of his opposition. As soon as Ezra and Nehemiah begin to labor, Sanballat and Tobiah are stirred up to hinder them.

We should not be alarmed when Satan hinders us. It is a proof that we are on the Lord’s side and are doing the Lord’s work. In His strength we shall win the victory, and triumph over our adversary.

Question: How have you been under spiritual attack lately? What resources has God provided to prevail against such attack?