This post originally appeared in Jonathan McKee’s blog on www.TheSource4Parents.com  

“If no one watches, they don’t have a game!” –Gale

It’s a little ironic that some parents are objecting to the violent premise of The Hunger Games. “It’s kids killing other kids!” In actuality, The Hunger Games compels the audience to value life, mourn death, and literally gasp at violence.

It’s sad that The Hunger Games is being compared to Twilight and other teenage fodder, because truly…there’s no comparison. The Hunger Games has proven to be so much more. The film, based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling book, was powerful and thought provoking, an amazing social commentary about our society’s growing callousness toward violence.

If you caught my blog a few days ago, I shared four important questions I encouraged parents to ask about films to help them teach their kids discernment:

1. Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
2. Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
3. Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
4. Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Now that I have seen The Hunger Games, I not only vehemently express my approval for the film, I can also attest that it didn’t include any of those four inappropriate or irresponsible elements.

The film was superior on so many levels, but I think one element that resonated with me the most was the glaring contrast between the impoverished districts struggling day to day for a meager existence, fighting for mere scraps of food, while the haughty Capital City lived pampered, overindulgent lives. The Capital City’s condescending attitude was disheartening, but their callous disregard for human life is what took the cake. A gladiatoresque reality show featuring kids killing kids was pure entertainment to these monsters.

At this point I almost expect someone to scroll down to my comment section and suggest, “Aren’t we similar monsters if we watch the movie?”

Before you do, allow me a moment to propose two responses to this accusation:

First, are we never to tell any tales of such monsters?
Is it improper to tell a story about good and evil? Should we steer our kids clear of any of these cold realities about human nature?

The Bible is full of horrific stories of rampant sin and its consequence: Cain and Able (kids killing kids), Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his daughters (Eeew!). Fairy tales have long told anecdotes about evil villains luring kids into ovens, deceiving young girls to eat poison apples, and even wolves disguised as Grandma enticing cute little granddaughters close enough to eat. C.S. Lewis told marvelous stories about kids traveling to an imaginary land where they fought bloody battles against an entire army and an evil witch. Several of these films have made it to the big screen.

Someone call Westboro Baptist. We should protest all of these stories!

Perhaps we should stop over-reacting, and instead, begin interacting with our kids about good vs. evil, even using some of these amazing pieces of literature as a discussion springboard.

Second, The Hunger Games film responsibly made good look good, and evil look evil.
Sadly, today’s media often makes bad look good. Not the case with The Hunger Games. This 2-hour-and-22 minute film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, it paints a stark contrast between good and evil. It won’t take audiences long to recognize the many appearances of evil: hypocrisy, injustice, exploitation, complete disregard for human life…and plain ol’ murder.

Then there’s Katniss.

I’m not really giving away much of a spoiler when I tell you that Katniss, our heroine, begins the film by selflessly sacrificing herself, instead of a loved one, to take part in the heinous fight to the death known as the Hunger Games. Katniss demonstrates honor, mercy and self sacrifice throughout the film. Some might be bothered that she isn’t a pacifist—she does defend herself and others. But Katniss is a true hero, something we don’t always see or read about in stories today.

Social Commentary… without Selling Out
Let’s be real. The filmmakers had a tough job. How do you provide social commentary about a society entertained by “gladiators” … without becoming the very society you depict? I was impressed, if not amazed with director Gary Ross’ finished product. Ross artistically transformed the novel’s first person perspective so that audiences connected with Katniss, quickly empathizing with her, carrying her burdens…feeling her pain.

There’s a moment in the film where two lives are taken in one moment…and something happened in my theatre that I haven’t heard in years. The theatre literally gasped. Sadly, today’s movies are so chock-full of senseless violence, I’ve often heard laughter or cheers when someone is killed onscreen.

Not in The Hunger Games.

Ross created a mood that recognized the horror of killing. In The Hunger Games death is mourned. Noble heroes wept in this film. Many in the audience cried as well. I cried twice…but I cry easy.

In a way it reminds me of what Clint Eastwood did with his powerful film, Unforgiven. How often do films portray the mental anguish that one experiences after killing someone? In Unforgiven, we repeatedly see people experience the guilt and complete change of heart that occurs when they take someone else’s life. This is contrasted to a few characters who are numb to the effects of pulling the trigger.

Hunger Games paints a similar distinction. Killing isn’t to be taken lightly. Ethical lines are drawn in the sand.

Too intense for most kids under 13

And for the icing on the cake, Ross magically refrains from showing gratuitous violence. Don’t get me wrong. This film is probably too intense for most kids under 13. At times we see glimpses of the horror taking place, but Ross shows incredible discernment, making sure that his film doesn’t become a spectacle like the games themselves.

In short, The Hunger Games was heart wrenching, powerful and thought-provoking. I’ll be seeing it with my girls (14 and 16) this week with no hesitation. Will it make it to my Blu Ray shelf? The odds are highly in favor.

Jonathan McKee, president of The Source for Youth Ministry, is the author of numerous books including the new Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, and youth ministry books like Ministry By Teenagers, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation, and the award winning book Do They Run When They See You Coming? Jonathan speaks and trains at conferences, churches and events across North America, all while providing free resources for youth workers and parents on his websites, TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. You can follow Jonathan on his blog, getting a regular dose of youth culture and parenting help. Jonathan and his wife Lori, and their three teenagers Alec, Alyssa and Ashley live in California.

New research shows young Americans are dramatically less likely to go to church or to participate in any form of organized religion than their parents and grandparents. Historically, the percentage of Americans who said they had no religious affiliation (pollsters refer to this group as the “nones”) has been very small, hovering between 5 percent and 10 percent. However, the percentage of “nones” has now skyrocketed to between 30 percent and 40 percent among younger Americans.

This trend started in the 1990s and continues through today. It includes people in both Generation X and Y. While these young “nones” may not belong to a church, they are not necessarily atheists. Many of them have spiritual values and opinions but grew up in a time when church membership meant little to their generation. This movement away from organized religion has enormous consequences for American culture and politics for years to come.

What is happening is that these un-churched are letting the media and entertainment industry define what they believe on an issue by issue basis. Even more alarming is that more and more people are opting for a “designer” religion where they form a set of religious beliefs that most comfortably fit them.

Paul told Timothy to be relentless in the proclamation of the Word during the last days and warned of those who would construct a a designer spirituality which builds their own theology around their passions and preferences instead of the Word of God.

For those who are not sure of what they are, there is a website (Beliefnet.com) where you can answer questions on your beliefs and find out which religion you are or are closest to.

But a designer Jesus will never disturb us, never judge us and never cut deep enough in transforming love to redeem us. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a designer Jesus who meets my preferences and interests. I want to know the real, living Christ healing and leading me.

I don’t want a savior who emulates me and my preferences, but rather one who says I am to deny myself, take up the cross and follow Him. If I want to know who and what I am spiritually, there is but one source, the Bible, the Holy Word of God.

Question: Who in your circle can you talk to about Christianity and the difference Christ has made in your life?

The carols try to tell us that this is a calm and silent time of year. But for most of us, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be anything but calm. You know the drill: office parties, shopping, baking, wrapping, relatives, Christmas plays and everyone’s favorite - family pictures. It’s enough to leave even the strongest among us exhausted. Can we slow things down a little so we can enjoy the season again? Does anyone have time for that?

Whatever your plans for the season, don’t let them overtake your holiday. Remember Dr. Seuss’s classic tale How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas will come without all the wrappings and bows, it will still come if the turkey isn’t perfect, if your tree is a little lop-sided or the dog decides to help you ‘redecorate’.

There are ways to put a little relaxation back into your Christmas season without adding too much to your busy schedule. As we get closer and closer to the 25th, try a couple of these simple ideas and remember what enjoying the holiday feels like.

1. Host a coloring party. Coloring parties are a tradition I learned from my Mom’s friend Gail. Every Christmas the local hospital sells large (3′ x 2′) coloring books as a fund raiser and Gail uses these as the center of her get together. Friends are invited to bring a little of their Christmas baking and come over for a morning of coffee and coloring. Upon arriving, everyone gathers around the coloring books on the kitchen table and dives into brand new packs of crayons with the glee of five-year-olds. The conversation flows. It is a relaxed, non threatening time, a great way to catch up with old friends, an easy way to get to know new neighbors.
2. Choose one or two people from your list and make their present. Making gifts gives you a great excuse to go off somewhere by yourself for a few hours. Put on your favorite music, light a pine scented candle and enjoy the quiet as you work. The possibilities for hand-made gifts are endless.
3. Attend a local highschool or college concert. Most school bands and choirs put on Christmas concerts and the entrance fee is almost always minimal. Grab a friend or the whole family and support local musicians while relaxing and getting into the Christmas spirit.
4. Read your favorite children’s Christmas story. Find a quiet corner, a cup of cocoa, and favorite blanket and curl up a read the story you most loved as a child. How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Night Before Christmas are classics, or better yet, read the original Christmas story in the Bible in the book of Luke (Luke 2:1-20).
5. Reflect on the season. Christmas is many things to many people, but at the heart of all the celebrating and festivities is a baby born in a manger. In Bethlehem, two thousand years ago God sent his son into the world. The Bible tells us that Jesus was not sent into the world to condemn it, but to save it. Many churches put on special Christmas pageants that portray the story of Jesus, who he is and what he came to earth to do. Why not take in a performance over the next few weeks and rediscover the true reason for the season?

“Peace on Earth” is a phrase you see everywhere this time of year. For many of us, we have to wonder where that peace is? Who is at peace? What about countries that are at war? Is “Peace on Earth” even possible in this day and age? Peace on Earth is possible, and it can start with you. You can find peace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Christmas is a time to remember the gift of love that was given to us. May your days be merry and bright and may the love that sparked the season find you in the days and weeks to come.

Are you lonely this Christmas? Come talk to a mentor.

In 1962 I was preaching in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was single and it was Christmas time. I was heading home to Michigan to enjoy the holidays with my family.

It was an extremely cold day and it was snowing. The wind was howling out of the north, blowing thick clouds of fine flakes across the road – it was like a blizzard. The roads were icy in places and there was little traffic. Somewhere near Ft. Wayne, Indiana, I saw a soldier standing under an overpass.

He had a green army cap pulled as tight and low as possible over his head, his collar was pulled up around his ears, his hands were shoved down in his pockets and he had a stuffed duffel bag standing beside him.

Surely I can’t pick him up…

I was driving a Chevrolet Corvette and I was going very fast – faster than I should have been, considering the road conditions. As I sped by, the soldier jerked one hand out of his pocket and raised his thumb.

My Corvette had two seats – not a front and a back seat, but two seats side by side – and I was in one of them. The trunk was big enough to hold three loaves of bread and a pound of lunchmeat. Not only was my limited trunk space stuffed full with the clothes and boots I would need for my stay in Michigan, the front seat was stacked high as well, with the presents that I had purchased for my folks and my nieces and nephews.

When I saw the soldier, I was going much too fast to stop and I was well down the highway before I gave it much thought.

I told myself that I couldn’t possibly get him and his duffel bag in the car – I debated about the terrible inconvenience and delay it would cause if I did, and by the time I decided that perhaps I ought to at least offer to help, I was two miles down the road and out of sight.

But my Christmas conscience really went to work on me. It was so cold, traffic was almost nonexistent – he was a soldier – and it was Christmas. The inner battle raged for another three miles. Finally, I decided I would never get any peace unless I offered to help, so I made a u-turn and went back. I hoped with all my heart that someone else had picked him up. That way, I could satisfy my conscience and not be inconvenienced – wouldn’t that be great?

No such luck

But he was still there, looking more forlorn, lonely and cold than ever. I was disgusted. I pulled up and rolled down the window. He came running, stumbling on his numb feet, dragging the duffel bag. He leaned over and stuck his head in the window. His face was bluish, his teeth were chattering, his eyebrows and eyelashes were matted with frozen snow and he could scarcely speak intelligibly.

“Thanks so much for stopping.” He said. “I had about given up hope.” That was not what I wanted to hear.

“Where are you going?” I asked, hoping that it was in some direction that would alleviate me from further responsibility.

“I live in Michigan, in Taylor Township,” he said hopefully. That was really discouraging. It wasn’t directly on my way, but it wasn’t too much out of my way either.

“I’m going to Royal Oak,” I said reluctantly.

“Oh,” he said, “I know where that is. That’s great! If I could just ride with you to Ann Arbor, it would mean a lot to me. I’m almost frozen; I can’t feel my ears or feet any more,” he said plaintively.

“I don’t think I can possibly get both you and your things in.” I said.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll get in – I promise you. I’ve been standing here for three hours.”

I told him to try getting in and we begin rearranging things. The duffel bag was almost as big as he was and there was only one place for it – the passenger seat. No matter how he put it in the car, he couldn’t get in himself. I suggested that maybe he could hide it somewhere and come back for it later. He said he couldn’t possibly do that; it had his kids’ Christmas presents in it and he wasn’t going anywhere without it. I finally got out, walked around the car, and told him to sit in the passenger seat. As he sat there, I wedged the duffel bag between his legs and between the floor and the roof of the car. I sandwiched all of my presents around him – and I slammed the door. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t see out either the windshield or his side window – but he was in. I still don’t know how we did it.

Doing the right thing

Once he began to get warm, he began to talk. I found out he was stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri.

“Didn’t I see you go by about five minutes ago?” he asked. I really felt stupid.

“Yes.” I said very matter of factly.

“You mean you turned around and came back?” I nodded an affirmative.

“Why would you do that?” I paused a long moment.

“Well, you see, I was raised in a home where helping people who were in need was very important. In addition, I’m a minister – actually, it’s more than that – I’m a Christian, and if it weren’t for that, I’d probably still be going. I have as hard a time doing the right thing as most folks. I fought with this decision for five miles – it’s Jesus who makes me do things like turn around and come back. When I don’t do the right thing, I have this feeling He’s looking at me and He’s so disappointed that I can’t stand it.”

Conviction sets in

“Oh!” he said. “You don’t know how that convicts me. I’m going to tell you something I never thought I’d tell anybody. I’m no Christian, but my wife is the best person in the whole world and she goes to church all the time and takes the kids. Truthfully, I’ve done everything I could to discourage her, but she just keeps going. She’s trying all the time to get me to go, telling me that someday I’m going to wish I had.

“Do you know why I’m here hitchhiking? Let me tell you a little story. I was turned down for holiday leave because I got drunk and caused some trouble at the base. I was sick about it. I haven’t seen my wife and kids for six months. A friend of mine, who’s single, found out at the last minute that his folks were coming to visit some relatives who live close to the base during the holidays. He went to our commanding officer and volunteered to take my duty, if he would let me go home.

“He gave me permission, but I had spent all my money buying presents, which I was going to mail home, so I decided to start hitchhiking. My family doesn’t even know I’m coming. I wasn’t sure I’d make it and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I’ve been standing there for three hours, thinking. I watched folks drive by and it occurred to me that some of them must be Christians and it made me feel pretty bitter – until I got to thinking about what a lousy person I am, and I knew if I was them, that I probably wouldn’t stop either.

“Let me tell you something embarrassing – I got so cold, so lonely and so desperate that I started to pray – honest to God I did – it was so humiliating. I told God that if he would help me, I’d do better. And you know what? About that time you showed up and you told me that you came back because of Jesus – now what do you make of that?

“Well, first I’d say that maybe there’s more to Christianity than either of us thought, and second, I’d say you’d better start doing better.”

I found out exactly where he lived and we agreed that I could get him pretty close before I had to go in another direction. I think I knew what I was going to do long before I actually said anything. As we approached where I was going to let him out, I told him that I had made up my mind to take him home.

Home for Christmas

About two hours later, we pulled up in his driveway. It was almost dark. He was really excited. He asked me to blow my horn, and I did. A few minutes passed and the inside door opened slowly. The glass in the outside door was frosted over and whoever was looking out could only tell that there was a car in the driveway. The outside door opened, and a five or six year old, barefooted, pyjamaed boy peeked around the door. When he saw my sports car, he came out on the porch and peered intently at us. His dad opened the door and stepped out.

“Hi David, it’s Daddy. I’m home for Christmas!” He started to say more, but the boy had seen the uniform and heard the voice.

The boy’s face lit up and he turned back into the house. I could hear him distinctly – “Mama, Daddy’s home,” he yelled shrilly. “Daddy’s home! Mama! Mama! Daddy’s home for Christmas!”

The door opened again and it didn’t open slowly this time – it was thrown open. A woman dressed in a bathrobe and house slippers came running down the steps, her hair flying in the wind, oblivious to the snow and the cold, eyes and mouth opened wide with excitement with joy etched in every line of her face.

“Oh, Carl,” she said. “Oh, Carl, you’re home. Praise God, you’re home. The kids and I have been praying every day that, somehow, God would send you home.” She was followed by a skinny, fair-haired, ten-year-old girl.

They kissed and hugged and laughed and cried, and they danced in the cold and the snow until the soldier finally disentangled himself from them long enough to introduce me.

Incredible reunion

“This is John,” he said. “He’s a minister and he’s also a Christian, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m going to tell you something, Sandy right here and now. I told John that I promised God that I was going to do better and I am. I’m going to stop drinking, be a better husband, a better father – a better man – and we’re going to start going to church together.”

I have never witnessed such gratitude in my life. They all had to hug me and kiss me – even the two-year-old – and they told me what a blessing I was to them and that they owed me a debt they could never pay.

Carl was home.

I think at that moment, home meant more to him perhaps, than it would ever mean again. Home was somehow brighter, warmer, more dear to me than it had ever been before.

Every human longing – bound up in the inherent yearning to be loved and to be “home” and to experience the peace and security that “home” signifies – has found its fulfillment in Jesus who said, “I go to prepare a place for you.” Everything we ever dreamed of home being – what it was or was not – is in that place. Jesus has given purpose, even to the dream of death, because for those who know God – that is the way home. Jesus comes to us in many ways. He came to me in the form of a freezing soldier trying to get home for Christmas. He came to a freezing soldier in the form of a young minister trying to find his way to God. Either one of us could have missed Him. Jesus will come to you this Christmas, too, and His coming will be in an unexpected way – don’t miss Him.

Do you want to know God and have him heal your life? God wants to meet you right where you are, He loves you, and wants to be in your life. He wants to heal you and to give you and abundant life. Why don’t you pray the prayer below and ask Jesus to be Lord over your life?

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be. Amen.

Need to talk? Power to Change offers a free mentoring program where you can talk privately with a trained mentor.

This is supposed to be a season of joy and happiness, but many people don’t feel it. Many people suffer from bouts of depression or the blues at different times during the year. During the holiday season people encounter memories of loved ones they have lost through death or divorce or friends who have moved away. People experience stress and difficult family reunions over the holidays. Depression is a growing problem. In fact, psychologists have said that we live in an “age of depression”.

There are many causes for this mood disorder. Reasons for depression range from grief, divorce, major changes, lack of sunlight or physical exercise, a general disappointment with life or friends, low self-worth, relationship, spiritual or anger problems, false beliefs about life and God, trauma from the past, deficiency of neurological chemicals and more.

What are some of the symptoms of depression? Check to see if you have been experiencing any of these symptoms:

1. Loss of appetite. Weight gain or loss.
2. Depressed affect. Children & Adolescents: cranky, irritable, angry/explosive outbursts.
3. Diminished interest in or enjoyment of activities.
4. Psychomotor agitation or retardation.
5. Sleeplessness or hypersomnia.
6. Lack of energy.
7. Poor concentration and indecisiveness.
8. Social withdrawal.
9. Suicidal thoughts and/or gestures.
10. Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, excessive or inappropriate guilt.
11. Low self-esteem.
12. Unresolved grief issues.
13. Hallucinations or delusions.

If you have 3 or more of the above symptoms which have lasted for over 2 weeks, you should seek medical help or professional counseling. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center.If you are suicidal please contact 911 (in the USA or Canada) or go to a hospital emergency room.

How do you move beyond depression?

Usually people who are feeling depressed are not doing what would help them feel better.

• Talking about your feelings with someone is very beneficial. Exploring with someone, especially a counselor, what is underlying your feelings can help you begin to problem-solve.
• Seeing your doctor for a physical exam and telling him/her about your depression can lead to further treatment for physiological causes. You may need to consider taking an anti-depressant.
• Regular exercise and proper diet, spending time with family and friends and reaching out to others is very helpful. Seeking a relationship with God and praying to Him brings hope and encouragement when you are feeling down-hearted.

If you or someone you know are trying these activities and still stuck in depression, it is wise to seek out professional Christian counseling.

Is there a spiritual dimension to depression?

Is there a spiritual dimension to depression that gets overlooked when we rush into taking medication? In other words, in our effort to “hurry up and feel good” do we possibly miss out on important lessons that God might be wanting to teach us? There most certainly is always a spiritual dimension to depression. In the book of Psalms in the Bible, David, one of the Kings of Israel wrote:

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Most people who walk in my office feeling depressed are spiritually hungry. Many have a general sense of distance from or disappointment with God. They struggle with periods of doubt about God’s love for them and begin to question whether He will help them through their problems. Some people express anger towards God wondering, “how a good God can allow suffering?”. Or they question whether God exists. This spiritual vacuum can actually be the basis for some of the hopelessness and despair they feel.

Depression is a complex disorder.

Since human beings are very complex it is necessary to address all the underlying causes of depression such as: low self-esteem, losses, physical pain, relationship or financial issues, guilt, shame, trauma, dysfunctional family issues, along with the spiritual and physiological reasons.

Medication can give people more motivation and energy to get through a depressive period in their life but it will not be a cure-all for depression. One must take steps to fight depression on all fronts: spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally and relationally.

The great news for this holiday season and throughout the year is that God does exist and whether you realize it right now or not, he loves you very much.  You are not in this alone. If you are looking for someone you can place your trust in, a foundation to build upon, you can find that safe place whether you’re in a relationship right now or not.  Place your trust in God and his promises.  Anchor your life to the hope that he brings.

He is the well deep enough to draw from when you need peace, hope and wisdom, insight and love, endurance and faith. He gave His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for all our sins.  Everyone feels unworthy sometimes, but God thinks you’re worth it—even worth the death of His Son.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desires of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus will come into your life, and forgive you of your sins forever, just as he promised.

1. Lower expectations: Don’t fall for the hype and myth-takes that can ruin your holiday. You’ll  make yourself crazy comparing your home, your holiday, your family, with anyone or anything that makes you feel less than perfect. Remember, you are not Martha Stewart! Stop trying to win the perfect holiday award for the best cookies, the most elaborate decorations, or the biggest gifts. Remember these four important words throughout the holiday season: Do less, enjoy more.

2. Change routines: Why do we feel that we must continue forever to do things just as we’ve always done them? Don’t be bound by past traditions. Think outside the box and consider new ways of doing things to make it easier on yourself.

• Instead of exchanging gifts with co-workers or extended family, how about choosing a charity to help?

• Who says you HAVE to cook a huge meal for 30 people every year? Could you, have a simple gathering instead? Better yet, let another relative take a turn at hosting this year’s celebration.

• When did we decide we needed 37 different varieties of Christmas cookies each year? If you MUST have a variety of cookies, go to or host a cookie exchange where everybody bakes one type but takes home several of all the other varieties.

3. Don’t do it all yourself: Involve every member of the family right down to the toddlers. If you can’t do it together, then maybe it’s not something you need to do at all. Turn decorating, shopping, gift-wrapping, baking, and even house cleaning into family-time activities.

4. Plan ahead: Work smarter, not harder. Do as much as you can in the months before Christmas to leave December open for spontaneous joy. Get the car serviced in the Fall so it will be ready for holiday travel, bake and freeze cookies throughout November, start addressing Christmas card envelopes during the summer while you’re sitting in the sun sipping lemonade.

5. Spend less money: Nothing adds stress to the season like worrying about how you’ll pay the credit card bill come January. Remember that it’s the thought that counts. Think of creative gifts you can give that cost less but express your love. Keep a journal of all your expenditures. Know each day how much you’ve spent so far. Shop fast.  The more time you spend in the store, the more money it will cost you.

6. Simplify gift shopping: Plan ahead, make a list, and stick to it. Shop throughout the year rather than doing it all at the last minute.Instead of individual gifts, buy one item for an entire family such as a board game.

7. Celebrate family and community: Schedule time for fun and relaxing together. Put it on your calendar and make it top priority. Don’t let anything get in your way. If you’re too busy to drive through the neighborhood with the kids looking at the lights and listening to Christmas music, re-arrange your schedule. Whatever you’re planning to do, share it with someone and make it quality time.

8.  Create lasting, loving memories: Be selective. Don’t fill every moment of the season with frantic activity. Think quality, not quantity. Reading stories together, a relaxed tree-trimming, singing carols, making snow angels, or just enjoying the evening stars and sharing a cup of hot cocoa can be more enjoyable than attending every play, concert, and party of the season. Volunteer as a family to sort food at a food bank, organize a toy or coat drive, deliver meals on wheels, or serve Christmas dinner at a shelter. These are memories you’ll cherish forever.

9. Tame the greedies: Steer  the family’s focus toward the needs of others and how your family can render service. Help everyone to develop an attitude of gratitude instead of always wanting something more. Talk about ways to share the season’s joy with others. Instead of wish lists, make a list of ways to practice generosity. These might include helping someone with shoveling, shopping, decorating, or baking. Or choose a volunteer project you can work on together as a family. Keep the TV turned off as much as possible to avoid commercials.

10. Create fun new traditions: Buy a new cookie cutter each year to add to a collection, or shop as a family to buy an early Christmas present for yourselves like a board game you can play throughout  December.

It’s the little things that make life more meaningful. I like the idea of starting a Christmas tradition of practicing not-so-random acts of  kindness each holiday season and maybe even extending this kindness throughout the year.

Volunteering is a great way to teach children compassion. It develops character, leadership, self esteem and a sense of community. Volunteering also helps offset the materialism of our culture. The key is finding a cause the whole family can identify with.Find some children who need cheery mail and work as a family making cards for them. There are hundreds of such children in need of smiles featured on the HUGS and HOPE Club’s web site. Your family can also sponsor a child for Christmas through the Hugs and Hope Elf Program. It’s fun to shop for and wrap items from your sponsored child’s wish list.

Then you can RELAX

Now that you’ve learned how to tame your inner Grinch . . .  take a deep breath, turn on the tree lights, gather your loved ones around you, relax in your favorite chair,  and watch angel Clarence earn his wings for the forty-third time. Only  this year, you’ll be able to affirm with George Bailey that it really is “A Wonderful Life.”

Take the next step:

Have a simple, beautiful Christmas
Tips for dealing with challenging family members at Christmas
Take a lesson: Beat stress today

1. On the first day of Christmas - Buy your mate one box of their favorite cereal and lace it with lots of “prizes.” Throw in some golf tees, Hershey kisses, toy cars or whatever would bring out the child in them.
2. On the second day of Christmas – Take out your two engraved toasting glasses from the china cabinet and use them. Reminisce about the day you first sipped from them. If you never had any, engrave your own by buying some stencils and etching paste at a craft store.
3. On the third day of Christmas – Have three meals together. You could go all out with breakfast in bed, a picnic lunch and a candlelit dinner. Better yet, spend less time preparing the meal and more time sharing it together.
4. On the fourth day of Christmas – Put the pedal to the metal and four on the floor. Take a peaceful drive for the day. Go to the country, sight see in the city or cruise around looking at Christmas lights.
5. On the fifth day of Christmas – Fax or deliver a photocopy of your five fingers (plus the rest of your hand) to your love at work. Tell them you can’t wait to be together to hold the real thing.
6. On the sixth day of Christmas – Give her a half dozen of her favorite flower – one at a time. Leave one on the pillow, one on her car seat, one at her office, etc.
7. On the seventh day of Christmas – Count your lucky stars by gazing into the  seventh heaven. If the night is overcast, arrange for glow-in-the-dark stars on the bedroom ceiling.
8. On the eighth day of Christmas – Buy an eight- pack of crayons and together design and color a personalized coloring book of happy memories you have shared.
9. On the ninth day of Christmas – Dress to the nines and head out to a swanky restaurant. If a full meal would be too much on the budget, simply go for cocktails or dessert.
10. On the tenth day of Christmas – Massage your sweetheart’s aching shoulders for ten minutes. Throw in a back scratch, a foot massage and a hair brushing if you are feeling extra generous.
11. On the eleventh day of Christmas – Bake him eleven of his favorite cookies (since most recipes make one dozen, these will be bigger than usual – he won’t complain). Stick a wooden skewer through the side of each cookie and then wrap the cookie in a colored plastic wrap. Place them in a box or vase as you would a dozen roses.
12. On the twelfth day of Christmas – Present your sweetheart with a custom made twelve- month calendar for the new year. Use personal photographs or your own drawings to make it unique. Highlight special days for the new year.

10. Tools. Unless she’s a handywoman or she’s told you her great desire to take out the bathtub and build a new one, I’d save the wrenches for someone else—maybe yourself.

9. A vacuum. Any cleaning or kitchen appliance says, “Honey, clean the house for me.” Your wife or girlfriend wants to be more than the housekeeper in your life.

8. A cookbook. “She has to cook all the time,” the rationale may go, “I’ll get her a cookbook!” But see the rationale for #9: She wants to be reminded how she is special and appreciated at Christmas time, not given more work to do!

7. Clothes. Now, some men are very good at buying clothes and they know the exact size of their woman. However, you must keep in mind that women are shaped very differently and sizes can vary depending on the store. For example, I am a size 2 at one store and a size 4 at another, and I have shirts that are size small or large. To avoid complications, I suggest buying a gift certificate at your wife or girlfriend’s favorite mall, or bring her sister or best friend to pick out the clothing with you!

6. Tickets to the monster truck rally. I have a feeling that I’m in the minority when it comes to women who might enjoy a monster truck rally, so if I were you, I wouldn’t even bother lining up for tickets. And yes, this includes the car show, the motorcycle show, the boat show, NASCAR races…OK, you get my point.

5. Tires. Continuing the car theme, while your wife might need new tires for her car, she doesn’t necessarily want them as a Christmas gift. In fact, unless she’s a real greasemonkey or you’re buying her a completely new car, it’d be best to avoid car-related gifts entirely.

4. Computer equipment. There is a short list of tech gadgets, like an iPad, that are a good gift. But whether it’s a new printer or a copy of Microsoft Office or QuickTax, Christmas just isn’t the time to buy hardware or software for your wife or girlfriend. Wait until you’re both doing your taxes.

3. Socks. Yes, socks are useful, but they’re just not the type of Christmas gift a woman is thrilled about. I don’t feel a need to explain further.

2. Fruitcake. Yes, Christmas fruitcakes last about 12 years, but that’s because nobody eats them. And neither will your wife.

1. Membership to a diet program. Maybe she’s told you that she’s always wanted to join one. Maybe she’s told you that she thinks she’s fat. Does that mean you think she’s not beautiful and won’t be until she loses weight? I sure hope not. But that’s exactly what a membership to a diet program says. Exercise videos have the same effect. Men, flee from the infomercials that convince you otherwise! I suggest giving her something that makes her feel special and loved. Be thoughtful about it, and don’t forget to tell her how beautiful you think she is this holiday season.

Take the next step:

8 Ways to romance your wife 
Give her a gift she’ll treasure forever: How to write a love letter
10 Dates for any budget 

One solution is to nip and tuck your favorite dishes to increase health value, decrease the guilt factor, and still maintain taste.

The basics for modifying holiday recipes are quite simple and can be applied to food preparation year-round. Reduce, replace, substitute, experiment and use a smidgen when the recipe calls for a dollop. Don’t expect to cut back every time and decide what your priorities are. Two good questions you can ask yourself about any recipe are: Do all the extras need to be there? Can I leave some of it out?

Easy year-round tips

1. Use 1% milk instead of cream in cream-based soups, sauces and gravies.
2. Grate cheeses well and sprinkle into recipes.
3. Use low-fat mayonnaise and sour cream for dips, dressings and spreads.
4. Sautee with defatted broth, wine or tomato puree.
5. Season with minced tangy vegetables like onion, garlic, parsnip and parsley.
6. Start off using 1/4 of the fat and sugar the recipe calls for and adjust for taste.
7. When baking, substitute some butter or oil with pureed fruit like applesauce or pureed pears, using equal volumes fruit for fat.
8. Add only half the extras the recipe calls for, like chocolate chips, candy pieces or coconut.
9. Toast nuts and spices to enhance flavor. Chop finely and distribute evenly.

Special holiday tips

1. Offer an assortment of colorful roasted fresh vegetables; we eat with our eyes first!
2. Serve hot baked breads stuffed with artichokes, sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese. Stuffed breads make fabulous lower-fat appetizers.
3. Season mashed potatoes with plenty of garlic and herbs instead of butter. Roast garlic cloves in the oven; remove from skins and puree. Fold in mashed potatoes and low fat milk.
4. Try “creamed” pearl onions for a leaner, tasty white sauce. Whisk up low-fat milk, flour, salt, pepper and a pinch of grated, dry jack cheese. Add peeled onions and bake at 350°F until tender.
5. Top desserts with fat-free frozen yogurt or whipped evaporated skim milk.

Hey,” I’d say, trying to remember where I was, “It’s December 4^th. Christmas is in twenty more sleeps.”

In those days, December was bright with Christmas programs and sugar cookies and wrapping paper. And, though our children are older now, they still love the traditions we began all those years ago. For them, Christmas ain’t Christmas without the eating of Mandarin oranges and Christmas porridge—a thick cinnamon mixture—courtesy of our Norwegian ancestors. Mom sets the table, and the kids set an extra plate for Jesus. “We should light 2000 candles for Him,” Rachael once said. But we settle for one. After breakfast we gather impatiently in the living room as I read the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke. Then we open an array of gifts, small by today’s standards.

As a boy I began looking forward to Christmas vacation in early September, about the time Mr. Kowalski started handing out those Math assignments. By the time December arrived, my parents were whispering more than usual and I was wondering what magical things they had in store. There was little in the way of extra money, so one of those magical traditions was the making of colourful candles we would sell door to door, hoping to earn enough to buy gifts. Not all of the traditions were welcome. Sometimes my parents enjoyed travelling to visit relatives and friends. They had a highly sophisticated method of choosing whom we would visit, which involved the laying of a map of Canada on the floor and the tossing of relatives’ pictures in the air. Whoever had their picture land closest to their hometown would receive a complimentary weekend visit from the Callaways. Sometimes we’d end up in Carstairs, Alberta, and sometimes in Loon Lake, Saskatchewan. As I recall, my father never used a map, he went on faith. I always felt like the Wise Men must have felt, heading off on those trips.

Dad’s personal goal was to drive at least 500 miles without stopping at any restrooms. Every few hours, we’d tell him that we had “to go,” but he would respond, “Eh? You say something? I can’t hear you past these earmuffs.” Every once in awhile Mom would offer to drive on the slippery roads, knowing that Dad would not let her unless he went blind in both eyes or suffered a level three heart attack. On these trips, my sister and I sat in the back seat pinching and poking each other, and to this day, when I think of Christmas miracles, I think of the fact that my parents did not lock us both in the trunk and abandon the car.

Apart from these short forays, I loved Christmas vacation. Though my parents had no manuals on creating great vacations, they seemed intuitively to know how. For one thing, they invested in others. Our turkey was surrounded not only by ravenous relatives, but by famished friends. Mom and Dad were always on the prowl for lonely looks in the church foyer, or neighbors who had no family within driving distance. To my parents, relationships were more important than a perfect meal or a tidy house. From the time our children were small we have done simple things to teach them to help others. This has included buying small bags of groceries for needy families. In fact, it has turned into a family adventure. We leave the groceries on someone’s doorstep, bang on the door and run. In eighteen years, we have never been caught. Unless our neighbors are reading this.

My parents also unplugged the TV. Oh sure, we had some great times together watching classic movies, but as much as possible we were encouraged to be outside in that pre-Nintendo era. Mom and Dad were often there with us, throwing snowballs or building forts. With no television we learned to ice skate and carol sing and come up with our own entertainment. Perhaps that’s why my brother offered me a shiny nickel one icy Christmas Eve. All I had to do was lick a metal doorknob (yes, I obliged).

Perhaps, best of all, we were taught to remember that it is not our birthday we celebrate at Christmas. Once while I was drooling my way through the toy section of the Sears catalog, my Mother put her arm about my shoulder and kindly reminded me that the gifts would be a little meager this year. Sensing my disappointment, she asked if I thought Jesus got much for His birthday. I had to think about it, but I said He got gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which I thought might have been a plastic toy of some sort or maybe a casserole. “I think we can afford that much,” she laughed. I’ve forgotten most of the presents she bought me, but I remember the gift of her laughter.

At times I miss being pounced on by small children. Since our teens are in their prime sleeping years now, we’ve talked about what to do this Christmas. Perhaps we’ll switch the opening of the gifts to Christmas Eve. Then again, maybe not. Last year I bought each of them a loud alarm clock. On Christmas Eve I’ll sneak into their rooms and set them for 4 a.m.

Take the next step:

Start a new Christmas tradition
Read the Christmas story from the book of Luke