If that phrase, or Father’s Day in general, brings to mind unpleasant memories or present tensions between yourself and a parent, popular author Ney Bailey wants you to know that you are not alone. In this featured article, she explains how she was able to finally accept and reconcile her relationship with her father after many years:

As I grew older, I began to realize that some of the deepest hurts we’ll ever know come from those we care most about, and those relationships are often the hardest to heal. By the time I entered college, my bitterness toward my father-who provided many other experiences to fuel my feelings-had become deeply rooted and full grown.

To read the rest, visit our site here: Accepting My Father

If you have struggled with your relationship with a parent, and would like someone to talk with about it, please don’t hesitate to contact us today.

If that phrase, or Father’s Day in general, brings to mind unpleasant memories or present tensions between yourself and a parent, certified counselor H. Norman Wright wants you to know that you are not alone, in this excerpt from his bestselling book A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart:

There are many people walking around with a hole in their heart in the shape of their father. They are missing something from their father that should have been given. Or he responded to them in ways that were way beyond what any daughter should have to endure. Or he simply vanished one day from their lives and hasn’t reappeared. Any of these experiences can create a hole that seemingly cannot be filled by anything else. If you think you are alone, that your pain is unique to you and your family, I hope that this article will show you that this is not true.

To read the rest, visit our site here: Heart Problems: A Dad Shaped Hole

If you have struggled with your relationship with a parent, and would like someone to talk with about it, please don’t hesitate to contact us today.

Dads, Princesses, and the Power of Woo
I’ve been told by culture (and a few friends) that a father’s most important job is to provide. Be strong. Be courageous. And bring home the cash. On TV the only other option is to fill the role of a bumbling, awkward individual — the comedic outlet in the family fabric (see world-famous dad Homer Simpson). Is there room for a father to “woo” his daughter and reflect God’s heart for her? Are those moments as rare as a dance at a graduation, followed by another at her wedding? Read the full article.

Take action: Improve your home life for your kids by exploring our series of Marriage online interactive life lessons!

You said it: This week Rochelle shared on the Wait For It women’s devotional, saying “Thank you Suzanne, I love receiving the devotionals. I am a mom of 4-teens, and 1-8yr old. To answer the question. God has helped me to wait him with my children coming to him. Helping me to see that he is already working in their lives.” Join the conversation on TheLife.com Devotional for Men and TheLife.com Devotional for Women, each updated daily!

Video: A Father’s Love
Watch the heartfelt and inspiring story of “Team Hoyt” and how a father’s love for his son has touched so many lives. Read more

Experience TheLife Blog: Conversations: Who made God?
How can Christians eloquently and winsomely address the question “Who made God?” This hypothetical conversation imagines one way to respond. Read more

Devotional: Remember
Throughout the scriptures, we read that God pleaded for His people to remember Him and how He proved His faithfulness to them. God, the Father, wanted His children, to remind themselves of how He proved Himself time and time again in their lives. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Honoring Our Fathers” Join us in the chat room June 21st 2009 @ 12:15pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Atheist Recommends God
“As an atheist, I truly believe Africa needs God” says Times of London writer and former member of parliament Matthew Parris. It is unusual for an atheist to write favorably about faith. What led Parris to his surprising conclusion? He observes that “Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people’s hearts.” Interestingly, Parris’ carefully considered conclusion resonates with biblical statements … Read more

Take action: Interested in exploring “spirituality” but are looking for something more interactive? Explore our variety of online interactive life lessons.

Article: Dads, Princesses, and the Power of Woo
The role of father is vitally important to the emotional and spiritual (not to mention relational!) well-being of a daughter. Read more

Video: Street Level: A Father’s Influence
In this week’s video, we ask: How would you describe your father? Read more

On the Blog: National Safe Driving Month
June is National Safe Driving Month. Do the teens in your life have the skills they need to safely navigate the road? Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Honoring Our Fathers” Join us in the chat room June 21st 2009 @ 12:15pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

How would you describe your father? And what influence has your father had in your life?

Father’s day reading:
Why “Father” God? What adjectives come to mind when you hear God referred to as “Father”?
A Dad Shaped Hole When dad isn’t around …

It’s a sunny day here at the cottage. I’ve been sitting on the beach watching my kids play and thinking about the fact that Father’s Day is coming up this weekend.

I decided to write and tell you what it meant for me to grow up with you as my father. The highlights of my childhood were all those times that you carved out of your busy schedule just to be with us.

I remember sitting close to you on the sofa every Sunday afternoon, listening to “The Shadow” and “The Green Hornet” on the radio. And when the shows were done, we’d roll around on the floor or pretend sword fight with the cardboard centers out of coat hangers. One Sunday afternoon you must have made a hundred airplanes of every conceivable design. Then we coloured them together and flew them all around the house for hours.

Terry and I knew you enjoyed those times as much as we did, and because of that I’ll never forget it. I want to be with my kids in the same fun way.

Then there were the things you would make and do for us. You built a swing set out back on 27^th Street. Nobody we knew had swings like that – steel pipe welded together and cemented in the ground. I still remember going with you to Max’s junkyard to get the pipe; the smells in the shed of oil and rust, the thick dust on everything. The swing set is still there behind the house, 30 years later. We drove by it on vacation and showed our kids what Grandpa had made for us.

Another memory I have is that of sitting in the sawdust on the concrete floor one summer morning watching you turn the garage into a bedroom for us. You knew how much we enjoyed playing shuffleboard, so you tiled one in for us to play in our own bedroom. On that specific warm day, I remember handing you the nails. The Milwaukee Braves were on the radio (I can still hear the sound of Earl Gillespie’s voice). Suddenly you’d stop hammering…Eddie Mathews or Hank Aaron had hit another home run.

Now my boys hand me the nails and screws. I know what they’re thinking. They’re proud of me, amazed that I can make things take shape the way I do. I learned it from you. They want to grow up and build things; I can see it in their faces. And they love to work with me just as I did with you.

You were always teaching us important things, too. In sports, you demonstrated not just the skills to play the games, but the right attitudes toward others and how to treat them fairly. Competition is good, you explained, but winning really isn’t the most important thing. What I teach my kids now, the words I say in encouragement, the way I show them how to hold the bat, all are echoes of your voice coming through me. That’s how I learned to love good play. I hope that I can give your brand of patient, enthusiastic encouragement to my own kids.

How many times did you lie on the floor and let us stand in the palms of your hands, lifting us high in the sky? “Don’t look down,” you’d say. “Look straight ahead.” Then you’d flip Terry and me off your knees and over your head, again and again, until we were so dizzy we couldn’t go on. I’ve never come up with better tricks to do. My kids are all crazy about being flipped. They think I’m great, but I got it all from you. I feel like a funnel through which your good fathering flows.

I have other memories, too. I can almost feel those frigid mornings on the Mississippi, slipping along the top of the icy water in our aluminum boat, heading for our favourite small-mouth bass lake. Remember the day we hit that big bass with our propeller?

When I’d get a backlash after a bad cast, you’d let me fish with your pole and reel while you worked on mine. And sometimes I’d foul your reel before you even got mine untangled. You’d just remind me then of some things I might be forgetting to do. I remember the look on your face when we’d drift along the calm surface of the lake as the sun peaked up over the horizon. I love the outdoors because you loved it and showed us your feelings and about the beauty of it all. You taught us to value God’s creation.

This morning, Jason caught a pretty good walleye from the shore here before breakfast. I thought he was going to lose it a dozen times, but he finally dragged it in. You can image the look on his face as he held it up for us all to see.

Gabriel has fished for hours without a bite; but he doesn’t seem a bit discouraged. I used to stand at the end of the dock at Balsam Lake and just as I see him doing today – patient, steadfast, cast after cast, fishing on into the night. The mosquitoes make no difference at all. There is a lot of you in me, and a lot of me in him.

So many images are coming back. When I was little, I would sneak into your room at night, slip under the covers, snuggle up close to your warm body and sleep with my head on your powerful arm. With a father this strong and warm and close, who could ever hurt me: How could I ever be afraid? Now I know why my kids want to hold my hand, and why they like to sneak into my bed at night and sleep with their heads on my arm.

Dad, you gave us your life – everything you had. I pray that I will be able to give myself to my own children in the same way. If I can, Jana, Jason, Joshua and Gabriel will grow up to teach their boys and girls what it means to love, passing me on through their lives the way I have passed you on through mine.

I wish you the very best Father’s Day! With all my respect and grateful love,
Your Son, Tom

Related reading:
A Dad-Shaped Hole – When fathers are absent
A Prodigal’s Story – At 16 years old, my father kicked me out

Used with permission of Focus on the Family. Copyright © 2003. International Copyright Secured. Printed in the June 1984 Edition of Focus on the Family.

The Vietnam War wounded our nation, but in an odd way, the unpopular war healed my relationship with my father.

I was 17 years old in 1967 and straining against my parental reins.  It seemed like everything I did bothered my dad.  His “get off the phone” or “turn down that music” echoed throughout our suburban Chicago home.  Our disagreements ranged from whom I should date to how often I should get to drive the family car.

To escape his constant harping, I spent my Saturdays at our local hospital, volunteering as a Candy Striper.  On the day before Father’s Day, I found myself assigned to Ward 5.  I didn’t look forward to it.  Most of the patients there were gravely ill.

As I stepped into the hospital elevator that morning, I was joined by a young man in military uniform.  Instantly I thought of my older brother, stationed in Vietnam.  We all missed him terribly.  In lieu of letters, he sent us cassette tapes so we could hear his voice.  Whenever we played them, Mom would cry.  Dad would simply leave the room.

I was tempted to ask the soldier if he knew my brother, but something in his eyes silence me.  Instead of returning my smile, he turned and stared at the stark gray elevator doors, kneading his hat in his hands.  We both exited on the 5^th floor.  He stood looking up and down the hallway, the lines on his forehead deepening.  Then Nurse Jenkins spied him.

“You must be Mr. Bates,” she said, grabbing his arm.  “Come with me.  Your father’s waiting.”  I wondered what Nurse Jenkins was doing on Ward 5.  She usually worked in the Emergency Room.  I asked her about the mysterious soldier.

“I was in E.R. when they brought in an elderly man who’d collapsed in the street,” she told me.  “He had no identification except for an old, smudged letter in his pocket.  It was from his son, Jim Bates.  You could tell the old guy had reread it hundreds of times.  It practically fell apart in my hands.”

Nurse Jenkins then contacted the Red Cross and their sources located Pvt. Bates at a military base in Kentucky.  He caught the next plane for O’Hare.

She sighed, “I’m glad they found him.  I don’t think his dad will make it to Father’s Day.”

Tears stung my eyes.  Silently, I prayed for both men.  Then I crept down the hall to see if I could help.

The soldier sat hunched over a straight chair next to the hospital bed.  As he gripped the old man’s limp hand, I sensed those squeezes of love and encouragement were more beneficial than anything modern medicine could offer.

“Excuse me,” I said.  “If you’d like to take a break, I’ll stay with your father awhile.”

When he didn’t turn around, I thought he hadn’t heard me.  Then he said softly, “Thank you. No. This is where I want to be.”

After my shift, the pair continued to haunt me.   I felt so helpless.  Why couldn’t I trust God to take care of them?  To make matters worse, my father and I quarrelled at dinner that night.  When my date arrived to pick me up, I stormed out of the house without saying goodbye.

The next morning, I decided to stop by the hospital.  When I arrived at the ward, I became apprehensive when I saw the solder standing at the nurses’ station. His words confirmed my worst fears.  “He’s gone.”
While one nurse rushed to the old man’s room, another touched the soldier’s arm and said, “I’m so sorry.”

His next words hit me like a thunderbolt.  “Who was that man?” asked the soldier.

The nurse pulled back.  “Why, he was your father, wasn’t he?”

“No, he wasn’t. I never saw him before in my life.  When I first set eyes on him, I knew there had been a mistake.  Then I realized he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his real son.  I figured he needed me, so I stayed.” With that, the soldier turned and left the hospital.

Suddenly I thought of Jesus hanging on the cross, separated from His Father in Heaven.  If I had been at Golgotha, would I have reached out to Jesus with the soldier’s same compassion?  I wanted to think so.  But that happened so long ago.

Then a stab of shame rose from my stomach.  There was someone I could reach out to who was still flesh and blood – my own father. Maybe his irritations with me were just a mask for the frustration he was feeling over my brother’s absence.  Could I, like the soldier, be there for him?

Those thoughts raced through my mind as I drove home.  Dad was mowing the lawn when I arrived.  Leaving the engine running and the door ajar, I flagged him down.  “Happy Father’s Day,” I cried, giving him a big bear hug.  “I love you,” I said, planting a wet kiss on his cheek.

He looked confused.  Then embarrassed.  “Aren’t you a little old to be kissing your father?” he said stiffly.

But my gesture of affection became a hairline fracture in the dam between us.  In the months ahead, our attitudes toward one another slowly softened.  By the time I graduated from the traumatic teens and my brother had returned safely from Vietnam, Dad and I were able to joke that the war “at home” was worse than the one abroad.

As for the mystery soldier, we later learned that the real son was contacted in time to attend his father’s funeral.  Apparently two soldiers with the same name had been stationed at the Kentucky base.  A clerical error led to the mix-up.

But what I experienced that Father’s Day was no error.  Until he died in 1977, I saw my Dad in a new light. My kisses never stopped, despite his feigned protests.  He once asked me why I wanted to hug an old coot like him.

I replied, “Because you’re my father who ‘aren’t’ in heaven – yet!”

Used with permission of Focus on the Family. Copyright © 2003. International Copyright Secured. Printed in the June 1989 edition of  Focus on the Family Magazine.

Yet with all his accomplishments, he has missed out on something crucially important to him – his father’s acceptance and recognition that what he has accomplished is valuable.

Listen to what he had to say in a very candid interview about his relationship with his father: One day Keith asked his father, “Dad, I have a lifetime .300 batting average. What more do you want?” His father replied, “But someday you’re going to look back and say, ‘I could have done more.’”

When you hear God referred to as “Father”, what adjectives come to mind? For many, the list may look something like this:

• Demanding
• Unreliable
• Strict
• Emotionally distant
• Uncaring

Of course, not everyone had bad experiences with their father. But those who do often transfer those negative mental pictures to God. Really though, isn’t this looking at things entirely backwards?

Say for example your father’s job caused him to spend a lot of time traveling and you rarely saw him when you were growing up. This might cause you to associate the word “distant” with the word “father”; you wouldn’t expect him to be there for you. It might be natural, when God is referred to as “Father”, to think of God as also being “distant” and like the person who wasn’t there for you when you needed him.

But that seems backwards, since God is the standard of what a father is. God is the like the mold, the definition of “father”. Our own fathers (as wonderful or as miserable as they may be) are like the clay made from the mold, which imperfectly represent the original. Our own fathers cannot tell us much about our Father in Heaven, any more than imperfect copies of a great work of art can tell us much about the greatness of the original masterpiece.

This “Father in Heaven”, who you might have never cared to hear from before, has something to say to you today. Here’s a “Father’s Letter” to you, artfully comprised from various verses in the Bible:

• You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
• I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
• I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
• Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
• For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
• In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
• For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
• I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
• I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
• You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
• I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
• You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
• I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
• And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
• I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. John 8:41-44
• I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
• And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
• Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
• I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
• For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
• Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
• For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
• My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
• Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
• My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
• And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
• I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
• For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
• I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
• And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
• If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
• Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
• For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
• I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
• For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
• I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
• When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
• As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
• One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
• And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
• I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
• For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
• He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
• He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
• And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
• Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
• His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
• I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
• If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
• And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
• Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
• I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
• My question is: Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
• I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Your earthly father may have been wonderful, terrible, somewhere in between, or absent entirely. Regardless, he is not the measure of God. God is the measure of men and women. And God is ready to welcome you back to Him (or to know Him for the first time) with open arms, if you are willing to give your life to him, repent of your wrongdoings apart from Him, and put your trust in Him from now on.

God offers you a life with purpose through Jesus Christ, his Son, whom he gave up on the cross to die for our sins. This sin separates us from our heavenly Father, but Jesus, being at once fully God and fully human (Immanuel; “God with us”) gave His life in your place, taking the punishment we all deserve and offering you eternal life. He longs to have a relationship with you and give you the life you’ve longed for – life lived to its fullest, life everlasting.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart.

Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Teach me to strive to learn more about You and become more and more like you. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

“Although most men don’t enjoy shopping for clothes, they do enjoy looking good,” says Doug Ewert, executive vice president of merchandising for Men’s Wearhouse. “Men like gifts that are practical and when it comes to clothing, they look for comfortable, resilient and stylish items,” he adds. Ewert offers the following advice on the latest fashion trends for summer.

• Tan, taupe, lighter olives and blues, and softer yellows are the hottest colors for summer. Leave the navy blue, gray and black behind. Warmer weather and longer days call for lighter, more playful colors.
• Explore new fabrics as well. Sportswear made of linen and silk offers a comfortable and more stylish alternative to t-shirts. These luxurious fabrics are easier to care for than ever. This season you’ll also find silk blended with cotton to create more wearable casual clothing. Don’t be afraid of synthetics.

“Polyester shed its ugly image years ago and it’s back in softer, more fashionable forms,” says Ewert. “Microfiber pants and outerwear are virtual must-haves in any active man’s closet.”

As for styles, the retro look reigns this year. Camp collar shirts are everywhere. Solid colors are great for everyday wear, while printed silk choices are exceptionally comfortable and offer a slightly trendier look and feel. Cargo shorts are still a hot item; they are comfortable, versatile and the best ones are made of long-wearing canvas cotton.

Of course, not every summer day allows for casual shorts and airy shirts. “As companies return to business dress in the workplace, Dad may need to freshen his look,” notes Ewert. All-cotton dress shirts are terrific when a tie is in order, and a shirt and tie combination makes an ideal gift.

For dress casual offices or occasions, consider silk slacks; they’re cool, flattering, and sure to be a hit with Dad. Two-button and buttonless polo shirts are a modern alternative to the traditional three-button style. They can be dressed up with a relaxed sport coat for a business casual workplace, or dressed down for the weekend. For more weekend options, the Gary Player line offers wrinkle-free twill pants and knit golf shirts that look great on or off the links.

Content is courtesy of ARA Content