It’s a subject that none of us want to think about.

Getting started

So let’s do something today that we don’t want to do. Let’s evaluate your estate planning and see if it’s adequate for the job. For the record, I am not an attorney and this is not meant to be legal advice. I have been a financial planner and often referred clients to get competent legal advice. This is meant to do the same.

First, let’s create working definitions for a couple of commonly used terms. “Estate” refers to what financial and physical assets that you own (or partially own) at the time of your death. “Estate planning” is the planning that you do before your death to make sure that your wishes are followed after death. A “will” is the most commonly used document to make your wishes known to those who survive you and any appropriate government authorities.

Estate planning

We’ll begin with estate planning. You’ll need to decide what you want your estate plan to do. Someone will need to be named the “executor” or boss of your estate. They’ll assume the responsibility of executing your last wishes. That person does not need to be a lawyer.
Any adult with good judgment will do. Often a family member is chosen but you may want someone from outside the family like a lawyer or bank to do the job.

You’ll want something that will provide instructions on how to distribute your financial assets and physical property. You may want specific items to go to designated persons. Or you may want to make it clear that certain persons are to be excluded from any inheritance.

If you have children you’ll want to specify who you want to raise your kids. Remember that they’ll need someone to take care of them both physically and to manage their finances until they reach adulthood. Quite often minor children are left financial assets in a parent’s estate.

You’ll also want to consider whether any estate taxes could apply. If so, you may be able to take steps to reduce the tax burden your heirs will face. OK, now that we’ve spent some time thinking about what we want to happen after we’re gone, let’s talk about how we make sure that it does happen.

Wills matter
In most cases the primary document is a ‘will’ or ‘last will and testament.’ A will is a very specific document. It’s not a list of items with names next to them that you keep in your safe deposit box or post it notes pasted on a silver tea service that you want to go to little Sally.

A will is a legal document that contains certain elements that are required by state law. While none of these elements are difficult, failure to include them could invalidate the will. And, to complicate matters, each state has slightly different requirements. Make sure that your will is legal in your state of residence. Have it rechecked if you’ve moved to a new state since it was written.

Many single adults think that they don’t need a will. Typically they’re wrong. Without a will it take could months to have someone assigned to sell a car owned by the deceased or pay any bills. There could even be a problem finding someone to pay funeral expenses.

Another common misconception is that married couples can solve the problem by putting everything into joint accounts. Unfortunately not everything can be titled jointly (think of jewelry or home electronics). And, even if everything is held jointly, what happens if both spouses go in a joint accident?

Dying without a will can leave a real mess. State law will determine who is the executor and how your property will be distributed. That might not produce the results you want. For instance, in some cases law dictates that some inheritance goes to children before the surviving spouse.

It’s especially important for unmarried couples. State laws are a patchwork. In some places they recognize common-law marriage the same as one registered with the state. In other places, a life-long live-in partner is accorded no more rights than a complete stranger.

State laws are also problematic for couples in a second marriage. You may think that certain assets that you brought into a second marriage should go to the children of your first marriage. The state might think otherwise.

Bottom line? Just about everyone who has reached adulthood should have a will.

Making a will

Being frugal it’s tempting to want to write your own will or buy a form where you just fill in the blanks. Normally I encourage do-it-yourself efforts. But in this case that could be a mistake.
Remember that if something isn’t done right no one will know until after you’re gone and can’t correct it. A small mistake could be very costly. This might be one of those cases where hiring a professional is good money management.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t shop around to save some money. If you’ve already thought about what you want your estate plan to accomplish you’ll reduce the number of hours the attorney will spend preparing your will. That will save you some money.

Finally, you’ll want to make sure that your executor has access to a copy of your will when you die. They will need it as proof that they can make decisions for you. Give them have a copy of the will, or, if you’d prefer that they not see it, give a copy to your lawyer and let the executor know who the lawyer is. Don’t put the only copy in your bank box. The bank will not let the executor enter just because they say they have a right. The bank will require proof. And that proof is locked in your box.

Planning for your estate does not need to be expensive. Unless your financial or personal affairs are complicated getting the documents prepared isn’t that expensive. But, it is important. Don’t leave a financial mess as a last memory of you for your loved ones.

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Editor’s Note: It is always our hope that a couple is able to reconcile. If your own marriage is in trouble our mentors are available to help. 

It is difficult to deal with everyday life when you’re going through a divorce. You feel lousy both physically and emotionally. But in spite of that, you need to take care of your financial situation as soon as possible. After meeting with your attorney, you need to sort out all the assets and get a general feeling of who is going to get what. This includes bank accounts, retirement accounts, real estate investments, life insurance, stock plans and the martial home.

There are many things you can do to protect yourself. If you’ve yet to be served with divorce papers from your soon-to-be-ex, you can change your will so that half of your estate goes to your family (children, siblings, parents) if you die before the divorce decree gets signed. Otherwise, your entire estate could go to the woman you’re divorcing (check your state’s laws or consult with an attorney). You can also change the beneficiary of your life insurance plan as well.

1. Close joint banking and credit card accounts. One other important thing to do before you’re served is to close out joint banking and credit card accounts. Open up new ones in your name only. I made the mistake of not knowing my ex-wife was on one of my checking accounts and she took $1,300 out of it. I’ll never get that back.

2. If you’re in the US, don’t forget about your health insurance. If you’re on her plan, she has to keep you there until the divorce decree is signed, or vice-versa. If don’t have your own health insurance, start shopping now so that you’re ready when everything’s done. It is a terrible idea to be without major medical coverage.

3. Figure out how much you’re going to need to live on. Stay on a budget if you’ve moved out and keep track of your expenses. In many cases, men now have legal rights to spousal support if your ex-wife-to-be earned more than you did.

If you do not have a current document of the net wealth you and your ex have accumulated, you need to get that in order too. Most attorneys or your CPA can provide you with a simple file to input that information. It is basically assets minus liabilities to get a good idea of how much your estate is valued.

Taken from the ebook, 9 Secrets A Man Needs To Know About Divorce.  Used with permission.

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How are the two of you doing?

The first thing you need to know is this: a baby won’t fix your marriage struggles. If you feel this is a good way to help your relationship then you are totally wrong. A baby complicates issues. You don’t have to have a perfect marriage, just don’t decide to have a baby as a cure.

Are you physically ready?

Schedule a checkup with your doctor for each of you and tell him/her what you are planning. You can get great advice on vitamins, supplements and discover any problems that need to be dealt with.  Just a heads up, especially for the guys: your sex life will change when baby arrives. You need to be prepared to take a back seat with your needs. Each woman is different but be ready for change.

Are you financially ready?

See a Financial Planner. You don’t need money to talk with a planner and most are free. Tell them your plans and ask for their advice. Ask about Disability Insurance and Life Insurance. Get a second opinion if you want. Start putting aside money right now for the baby’s needs. Talk with friends discretely about what you will need to purchase just to start out. Also make sure you have a current will. Check to see what policies your employer has for Leave of Absence, child care and any other benefits they may offer.

Take a Trip!

It’s great to celebrate your decision as a couple by taking a trip. Make sure you aren’t spending all your “baby” money but have fun!  This could be your last, “just the two of us” trip for some time, so make the most of it.

Waiting for the perfect situation?

Circumstances are never perfect.  For some couples waiting until they can “afford” a baby will launch them well past the age of fertility.  So keep this list in mind but don’t wait for life to be perfect, jump in!  Keep in mind that you afford what is important, both in time and in finances. Your children will be important.  You won’t have all the answers and life won’t be perfect, but you can do it!

So now that you have taken care of those details, end the birth control, learn your cycle and let the “trying” begin!

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This is the time of year when many people look at their debt situation and shudder.

They’ll begin with high hopes. But many of them will quit before reaching their goal, disappointed, discouraged and defeated. Is there something that they could have done differently that would have given them a better chance at success? I think so.

You can find all kinds of advice about how to get out of debt. The web is full of the stuff. But, when you boil it all down, there are three things that form a foundation for a get out of debt effort.

1. Don’t expect immediate results. You won’t be getting out of debt in a matter of days or weeks. The only way to eliminate your debts quickly is to inherit a large sum of money, win the lottery or declare bankruptcy. The first two are unlikely. The third may remove debts quickly, but you’ll suffer with a lower credit score for years to come.

Recognize that it will probably take about as long to get out of debt as it took you to get into it. You can speed up the process but you won’t eliminate debt that took 10 years to accumulate in 10 months. You can shorten the time by being aggressive in your payback plan, but it still will be a long process.

What’s the take-away? You need to be prepared for a marathon race. This is not a sprint. If you’re prepared for the long haul you won’t be disappointed and discouraged when a year passes and you haven’t eliminated all your debts. You’ll expect a long battle and be ready to fight it.

2. You need a good plan. A good plan will stand the test of time. The longer you work with a good plan, the more you appreciate its usefulness. There are a number of good plans readily available. You may find that one is particularly well suited to your situation.

Any good plan will have a number of characteristics:

1. It will include all your debts. That’s important to help you see the whole picture.
2. It will help you evaluate exactly how bad your debt situation is. Not only will you know how much you owe, but you’ll know how much it’s costing you in interest each month/year.
3. It will include a priority of which debts to pay off first – smallest to biggest? Highest to lowest interest rate?
4. It will allow you to know how much money you’ll have each month to repay debts.
5. It will free you from having decisions to make each month. You know how much money you’ll have and which debt is being reduced first. The decision is already made. It’s just a matter of executing your plan.
6. It will allow you to calculate an approximate date that you’ll be debt free.
7. It will help you monitor your progress. You should be able to predict where you’ll be 6 months from now. And, then compare your actual results to that prediction.
8. It will take your personality into account. Some people need the motivation of seeing many small accounts being repaid quickly.
9. Others are happier watching the average interest rate their paying decrease each month. A good plan will be tailored to your personality.

A good plan will do all those things. Some offer other bells and whistles. But any good plan should do all of the above things. If your plan doesn’t do them, keep looking for one that does. This job is hard enough with a good plan. Don’t weigh yourself down with a bad one.

3.  Find a way to keep yourself motivated throughout the process. Once again, you’ll need to know what would encourage you when you’re thinking of quitting. For some people, rewards along the way work well. Perhaps a nice dinner or that coffee maker you’ve wanted would be a good reward when your car loan is repaid. Knowing that a reward is within reach could be enough to keep you going.

For others one big reward at the end is the best motivation. I know of people who’ve wanted to go on a cruise for years. They’ve added the cost of the cruise to their debts. And when it’s all paid off they’ll be packing their bags. To remind them now, they’ve posted pictures of cruise ships around the house as a continual reminder.

Getting out of debt is a tough challenge, but it’s a worthwhile one. And it’s one that you can accomplish with the right tools and sufficient determination!

Take the next step:
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Are you lonely?

Have you ever had an experience that separated you from the people around you? For some of us it was a divorce, for others, a failure. Sometimes it’s our finances that makes us different, or our health (or the lack of it). If you’ve ever felt like you were on the outside looking in, there is hope for you. Watch the video.

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If you feel lonely, come talk to a mentor

The carols try to tell us that this is a calm and silent time of year. But for most of us, the weeks leading up to Christmas can be anything but calm. You know the drill: office parties, shopping, baking, wrapping, relatives, Christmas plays and everyone’s favorite - family pictures. It’s enough to leave even the strongest among us exhausted. Can we slow things down a little so we can enjoy the season again? Does anyone have time for that?

Whatever your plans for the season, don’t let them overtake your holiday. Remember Dr. Seuss’s classic tale How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Christmas will come without all the wrappings and bows, it will still come if the turkey isn’t perfect, if your tree is a little lop-sided or the dog decides to help you ‘redecorate’.

There are ways to put a little relaxation back into your Christmas season without adding too much to your busy schedule. As we get closer and closer to the 25th, try a couple of these simple ideas and remember what enjoying the holiday feels like.

1. Host a coloring party. Coloring parties are a tradition I learned from my Mom’s friend Gail. Every Christmas the local hospital sells large (3′ x 2′) coloring books as a fund raiser and Gail uses these as the center of her get together. Friends are invited to bring a little of their Christmas baking and come over for a morning of coffee and coloring. Upon arriving, everyone gathers around the coloring books on the kitchen table and dives into brand new packs of crayons with the glee of five-year-olds. The conversation flows. It is a relaxed, non threatening time, a great way to catch up with old friends, an easy way to get to know new neighbors.
2. Choose one or two people from your list and make their present. Making gifts gives you a great excuse to go off somewhere by yourself for a few hours. Put on your favorite music, light a pine scented candle and enjoy the quiet as you work. The possibilities for hand-made gifts are endless.
3. Attend a local highschool or college concert. Most school bands and choirs put on Christmas concerts and the entrance fee is almost always minimal. Grab a friend or the whole family and support local musicians while relaxing and getting into the Christmas spirit.
4. Read your favorite children’s Christmas story. Find a quiet corner, a cup of cocoa, and favorite blanket and curl up a read the story you most loved as a child. How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Night Before Christmas are classics, or better yet, read the original Christmas story in the Bible in the book of Luke (Luke 2:1-20).
5. Reflect on the season. Christmas is many things to many people, but at the heart of all the celebrating and festivities is a baby born in a manger. In Bethlehem, two thousand years ago God sent his son into the world. The Bible tells us that Jesus was not sent into the world to condemn it, but to save it. Many churches put on special Christmas pageants that portray the story of Jesus, who he is and what he came to earth to do. Why not take in a performance over the next few weeks and rediscover the true reason for the season?

“Peace on Earth” is a phrase you see everywhere this time of year. For many of us, we have to wonder where that peace is? Who is at peace? What about countries that are at war? Is “Peace on Earth” even possible in this day and age? Peace on Earth is possible, and it can start with you. You can find peace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Christmas is a time to remember the gift of love that was given to us. May your days be merry and bright and may the love that sparked the season find you in the days and weeks to come.