New to this series? Watch the introduction video here

You know, I often said that if we’re going to impact our children, we need to spend time with them. And one of my philosophies is when you spend time with them, have fun! Do in-ordinary things, do things that other fathers wouldn’t do.

Some examples of what Josh has done are:

1. Picked his children up from school in a horse and carriage
2. Sat at a different spot at the dinner table
3. Arranged to have a catered breakfast in the woods

Do the unusual and your kids will remember it. But it gives you time to talk with them. You don’t have to do the things I’ve done. Maybe you don’t have a carriage. But if you’re creative, you can think of things that you feel comfortable with.

Get more creative ideas:

Crafts for Kids
Making a Childhood Awesome

Related
Invest in the children in your community through an Athletes in Action program

The things that draw us together when dating and getting to know each other are often the very things that cause conflicts

In our twenty plus years of marriage, finances have been always been an area that brings out the  differences between my husband and I.  I remember finances coming up as an issue for the first time while we were dating.  I had received some money as a gift and was excited to have some money to spend, on me.  His first reaction and strong suggestion was that I put it toward my school bill.  YUCK!  That thought had not even crossed my mind. This money was prioritized for FUN, obviously!

Finding a budget that works for us

When we first were married, he drew up a budget. That was a very responsible and good thing to do as newlyweds with very limited resources.  Except that, I hate budgets!  I fully endorse wise financial decisions, and often a budget is a means to this end, but my personality hates budgets!  He asked me to keep track of every receipt so we could track our spending.  UGH!  It truly is not possible for me, and I was VERY frustrated when I tried to do it.

We have always lived on a budget, but it has morphed and changed over the years for a couple of reasons. First, I hate the word “budget”.  I feel myself choking just by saying that word, because I feel controlled by the “mighty budget”.  Believe it or not, changing that word to a “spending plan”, brings a much needed sigh of relief for me.  I can relax and know that I am in control of the plan to spend.

When we changed the terminology and tweaked a few ways of doing things, it made a huge difference for us.  To him it was just a word, but he never belittled me or mocked me. He recognized my need in this and now calls it by the new name.  I recognize his need to know where our money is going, and with the spending plan I can keep track of what goes where.

We made our differences work for us instead of against us. No two people are the same so they have different priorities.  There are several things that can help in understanding your personality differences and using this knowledge to enhance your marriage.

1. Understand what the differences are.

My idea of a fun birthday is “the more the merrier”.  A party is an excellent idea with games and great food and 15-20 minimum of my closest friends.  When we were first married I didn’t understand my husband’s desire to have birthdays and Christmas as just us.  The “us” has grown from the two of us to the five of us over the past 20 years.  I have come to accept this as one of our differences.  I gain energy from people.  My husband enjoys a select few people and is drained by interaction with people.  He gains energy from down time, quiet time and going out “just us”.  We have come to an agreement over the years that I get to throw him a party on the decade birthdays, and it is just us the rest of the time.

2.  Understand why the differences are that way. Often times we think the other person is doing that “thing” just to irritate us and they should stop, just because. . . In reality that “thing” is often an innate part of their personality that they really cannot change without great difficulty.  Doing a personality test is a great help to learn why you do what you do.  Here at FamilyLife Canada we use the Personal Style Indicator.  There are many options to choose from.

3. Accept the differences and stop trying to change each other. There are many things in our relationship where change is not necessary, acceptance is.  However, no one is perfect and owning our weaknesses is important. Each of us is a work in progress.  The first step is to turn your eyes back to yourself.  What complaints does your spouse have that you need to work on?  You cannot change anyone else so if change is needed, start with yourself.  Next, I suggest you make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about your spouse, remember the things that brought you together.  Look at that list and see how much you are drawn to the personality you married.  Then accept some of the things that may bug you, and let stuff go.  Perspective can make a huge difference.

4.  Focus on your spouses’ needs. This will require some shifting for each of you.  A good starting point is asking yourselves if something is of larger importance to one of you than the other. Once you identify some of those things one of you shifts to accommodate the other.  For example, in our finance story I got hung up on the word “budget”.  My husband shifted to “spending plan” for me because the new terminology was no big deal for him.  This example was something kind of silly, but it mattered to me.  There will be things in every marriage that will be on the “kind of silly, but matters” list, and there will be things on the REALLY matters list.  Work together to identify some areas in which each of you can shift to accommodate each other.

Finally, communicate with each other.  Communication is so important! Talk things through, make a plan and celebrate the unique couple the two of you are together!  Find a book on personality styles to help you.  How do you see the differences in your marriage?  How have your differences helped you do life stronger and better?  What hurdles do you currently need to overcome, together?

Related Articles:
Ignite your marriage: Weekend to Remember conferences
Have a marriage question? Ask a mentor and get a personal reply via email

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Celebrating Love Without Limits
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The middle of summer brings out the blockbusters in full force, entertaining us and stealing our money. Or, like Captain Jack Sparrow might say, “borrowing” it.

My intent had been to see Pirates of the Caribbean on opening weekend. However, upon arriving at the theatre, we were met with long lineups and a sold-out show. We had a choice, we could pick another movie or we could wait until 10:30pm to see the next showing of the two and a half hour hit. We opted for another movie, The Legend of Sinbad, an entertaining though not as fulfilling pirate story.

This weekend I vowed not to make the same mistake again and purchased my tickets online around midday. We managed to arrive at the theatre 30 minutes before the movie started, and found the theatre packed full. With 30 minutes before the show started, we found our way to the very front of the theatre, in the worst possible seats, craning our necks to see the advertisements which played before our feature started.

Why is this the case? What made this movie so special? Was it the storyline? Perhaps it was the stunning special effects? Or maybe the costumes? Perhaps it was the actors? The theatre full of giggling teenage girls seemed to support the latter possibility.

The storyline, while not remotely believable, was definitely appealing. The costumes and the special effects will undoubtedly place this in the running for at least a few Oscar nominations. That is, at least, my hope. Some critics have even touted Johnny Depp as being a contender for the Best Actor category for his portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow.

There was, however, something deeper in the story; something that tugs at our hearts and appeals to the masses, young and old. There was heroism.

The story begins with a young girl named Elizabeth who spies a young boy near death, floating in the water. As the crew brings him on board, her father places him in her care. She spies a medallion around his neck, stamped with a skull and crossbones. Assuming he is a pirate, and knowing he would be killed for it, she takes the medallion and hides it. That medallion is the key to the story, and is part of a curse.

The story skips ahead eight years and finds Elizabeth and this boy, whose name we learn is William, much older and in love. Of course, to make the movie more romantic and appealing, it is a forbidden love. Mistaken for William’s sister, Elizabeth is kidnapped by the pirates, who need her blood and the gold medallion to end their curse.

You can trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, Jack Sparrow says. But you cannot trust an honest man. He will inevitably do something stupid. In this movie, “stupid” roughly translates to heroic self-sacrifice.

The movie bounces the idea of self-sacrifice around several characters, and even the sarcastic, less-than-sane Captain Jack has his turn with the opportunity to sacrifice himself for the good of someone else. William does several things that Jack considers to be incredibly “stupid”, yet for as stupid as Jack believes these actions to be, they are undeniably noble, so Jack goes along to help. They go after Elizabeth, breaking the law and making William a pirate and an outcast in the process. He is willing to shed his own blood to save the woman he loves.

William performed these heroic actions for the love of a beautiful woman. But what would we have thought of his character if he had performed these actions for the sole purpose of giving life back to the cursed pirates? That would have changed the story significantly. What if there was no Elizabeth in the story? Would William still have been driven to shed his blood to end the curse?

This leads me to wonder, is it love that makes or breaks a hero?

Page 2 >> Jesus: the ultimate hero who died for His enemies

Hannah is a recent business graduate from McMaster University in Ontario, Canada. She is currently a secretary for the Department of History, and enjoys writing in her free time.

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the Land of Mordor where Shadows lie.’

In 1937, a professor of languages at Oxford University penned a novel that would spark the greatest fiction the world has ever known. That man was John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, or J.R.R. Tolkien. The book was called “The Hobbit.”

The book tells of a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins, who lives in a hole in the ground — not a dank, wet, nasty hole, but a comfortable hole, a hobbit hole. Bilbo is pushed by the wizard Gandalf out of a hobbit’s preferred quiet existence and simple enjoyment of food and life; Bilbo is swept into an adventure with dwarves and elves, dragons and gold.

Tolkien created a ring in this book, and this ring sparked another, greater tale, that has captured our hearts and imaginations for more than five decades.

One Book to Rule Them All, One Film to Bind Them All

Movies were made, but never captured the hearts and minds of the public the way the books did. The trilogy called The Lord Of The Rings was so great and so beautiful in its imagery and writing, that creating a movie was too daunting of a task. Along came director Peter Jackson, a round little man who reminds many of a Hobbit, undertook the translation of the books to film. The result was nothing short of stunning.

Of course, I am biased. I was a fan of the books before the name Peter Jackson meant anything. Though I cannot speak Elvish fluently, I could tell you the meaning of the line “ash nazg durbatuluuk ash nazg gimbatul ash nazg thrakatuluuk ash burzum-ishi krimpatul.” I could tell you that Tolkien penned an entire language for that single line. He created not just characters, but an entire world, complete with its own histories, spanned across 12 volumes (13 if you include the Silmarilion).

While not everyone is a fan of Tolkien’s writing style, his attention to detail made his books a wonderful classic of which everyone has heard, even if they have never read them.

Peter Jackson paid the same level of attention to detail, in undertaking the books as a project. There are many scenes in the movies which fans viewed and thought, “That was not in the book.” The greatest example is the love story between the immortal princess, Arwen, and the king of men, Aragorn. In the interest of a strong female presence in the movie, Jackson admittedly plays this story up to more detail than existed in the books. Where does the detail come from? From the appendices to “The Return of the King.”

Jackson also does a stunning of job of realizing special effects with the utmost detail. The result is convincing — It is a blur to tell where the “real” stuff ends and the special effects begin.

But the movies are not just a special-effects bonanza. The movies are a set of stories which, quite frankly, the world needs right now. The trailer for the third installment sums up the reasons why. “There can be no triumph without loss, no victory without suffering, no freedom without sacrifice.” It is a message that rings true to the message of Tolkien’s beloved novels, and resonates with the human spirit.

The Lord of the Rings follows the story of the ring that Bilbo Baggins finds on his adventure in “The Hobbit.” It is the One Ring, written about in the poem. The One Ring that the Dark Lord Sauron forged, the ring that will give him the power to conquer middle earth. The only way it can be destroyed is to cast it into the fire that it was forged from.

But anyone who holds the ring is corrupted by its power, so it cannot be destroyed. Frodo, who was given the ring by his uncle Bilbo, volunteers to take the ring to the fires of Mordor and cast it in. He does not understand what he is agreeing to, but his innocence and purity gives him the strength to undertake the task. Placing his own life in danger to save his little shire (and indeed, all of Middle Earth), Frodo sets out on his quest.

Written in a world that was still reeling from the tragedy of the First and Second World Wars, The Lord of the Rings offers the same hope then that it does now. There is hope. In the second movie, Samwise Gamgee, the pudgy but wise little hobbit offered Frodo this hope: There is some good in the world. There is something worth fighting for.

Hannah is a recent business graduate from McMaster University in Ontario, Canada. She is currently a secretary for the Department of History, and enjoys writing in her free time.

When faced with the never-ending task of laundry, there are four basic types of people, according to the Queen of Clean(R), Linda Cobb. Cobb, a best-selling author and radio and television personality, is one of America’s foremost authorities on housekeeping and laundry care.

“I’ve developed a motto for the four laundry personalities I’ve identified,” says Cobb.

The first, and most common, motto is “So much laundry, so little time.” Typically, these people have no time to spare and have perfected the art of multi-tasking. While appearance may be important to this person, doing laundry is just a means to an end.”
Cobb’s tips for the time-crunched can help streamline the laundry process. She recommends:

• Emptying the dryer’s lint-clogged vent regularly so clothes will dry faster.
• Changing the setting on the washer to suit the load size, especially for small loads.
• Using detergent tabs rather than powder or liquid — just drop them in and go!

The motto for the second group is, “Don’t do laundry today that you can put off until tomorrow.” This type believes that nothing is so pressing that it has to be done immediately — especially laundry! These folks know every excuse in the book to put off laundry — or getting someone else to do it for them.
Laundry procrastinators can make the chore easier using these tips:

• Pre-sort dirty clothes into color-coded baskets or bins as soon as you take them off.
• If you leave a load of clean clothes in the dryer and they become a wrinkled mess, simply toss a damp towel in with the load and re-run the dryer for a few minutes.
• Stock up on laundry products so you have what you need on hand, resulting in fewer trips to the store.
• Don’t overstuff the washer or dryer, since it will cause clothes to come out wrinkled and not as clean.

The third group believes “If you want laundry done right, you have to do it yourself.” These people’s lives are orderly and methodical, and so is their approach to laundry. They tend to make laundry part of their daily routine and approach it with a full arsenal of laundry products that give them a good value for their money, such as Purex laundry detergent, which is about half the cost of the leading brand.
Even these well-organized people can benefit from some of Cobb’s tips:

• Zip up the laundry routine by doing exactly that: zip zippers, button buttons and hook hooks. That way, you’ll avoid catching, pulling and tearing fabric during the wash cycle.
• Before storing seasonal clothes, be sure to launder them first to avoid letting undetected stains set or attracting moths or other insects.
• Always check garments for colorfastness when using stain removers, even if the garments have already been laundered.

The fourth school of thought believes that “a little dirt never hurt anyone.” The last thing that bothers these people is a pile of dirty laundry. And since they don’t worry much about appearance, they don’t think twice about wearing the same clothes two days in a row.

Cobb’s tips for this laundry type include:

• Instead of folding or hanging clean clothes, toss t-shirts, gym clothes or other active wear onto an over-the-door shoe rack.
• If you happen to leave a piece of tissue in a pocket and it makes a mess in the washer or dryer, put a piece of nylon netting in the dryer with the clothes to catch the fuzz.
• Use a fragrant detergent to keep clothes smelling fresh longer.
• Use a super-concentrated stain remover, such as Zout, and let it sit on fabric for five to 10 minutes for best stain removal.

Cobb has tested hundreds of laundry products and recommends only the best of each category on her Web site, www.queenofclean.com. Two products she recommends to make anyone’s laundry routine easier are Purex detergent and Zout stain remover. You can also visit these sites for helpful housekeeping tips. Content courtesy of ARA Content.

• Free weekly newspapers offer listings of inexpensive or free events going on in your city.
• Right on campus you’ll find loads of inexpensive entertainment ideas. Pick up your student newspaper for listings of plays, recitals, art shows, sports games, special lectures, or readings.
• Keep your eyes up! Check out poster boards on campus for inexpensive event listings.
• Sign up for the online newsletter of your local video store. You’ll get coupons for free rentals, and can enter fun contests to win cool movie stuff. Other favourite stores may also have an online newsletter advertising specials and deals.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Redeem some fun

• Carry your student identification card everywhere, and always ask if astudent discount is available. You’ll be surprised at how many businesses offer student prices, but don’t advertise it.
• Look for coupons or free offers everywhere — in junk mail flyers, newspapers left out on a desk, and even your phone bill may come with coupons. You can find coupons online at save.ca or coupons.com.
• Many cities have an entertainment coupon book for a reasonable fee which usually goes to a good cause as part of local fundraising efforts. Save money in the long haul and discover places in your town you didn’t even know were around!
• Check your Student Union for any special deals they have collected for you. Edmonton, Calgary and Red Deer students can pick up a Student Union Ticket Pak and receive coupons for entertainment, merchandise and restaurants.
• Liquor stores often have free memberships that get your great prices –become a member if you shop there often. Coupons are a lifesaver! You’ll find coupons for most every attraction in your city, as well as deals on restaurants, services, and even grocery stores. Keep ones you may use on the fly in your wallet for quick access.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Sarah Deveau is a graduate of the University of Calgary. Born in Halifax, Nova Scotia, she spent her teenager years living in Hamilton and Calgary, where she now resides with her husband Keith, and her cat, Parker. During her five years in university, and her husband’s seven years, they incurred a combined debt of just $6,000. Through the use of scholarships, part-time and full-time jobs, Sarah and Keith paid for their education even while getting married, moving out, and buying vehicles. She is the author of Sink or Swim: Get Your Degree Without Drowning in Debt (Dundurn), a ‘how to’ guide to obtaining a post-secondary education without incurring massive student loans. This book guides students through their post-secondary education, encouraging them to live within their means by being creative with their lifestyle. Article reprinted with permission of author.

• Take time to appreciate street artists in Busker Festivals in your part of the world. [For Canadians, catch the busker festival in Halifax, Street Performers Festival in Edmonton, Celebrate Toronto Street Festival, Saskatoon International Fringe Festival, Visit www.festivalseeker.com for a complete listing of festivals across Canada.]
• Laugh a lot for little. Attend a local comedy improv troupe show for just a few bucks.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Sweet shopping

• Spend your Saturday at the flea market — snack on free samples while touring relics from your parent’s era. Pick up toy icons from your childhood like an old My Little Pony or My Buddy doll for nostalgia’s sake and offer that as a Christmas gift to a friend who will appreciate it.
• Attend a country flea market or auction for the experience and fresh produce.
• Think like a tourist — go for a stroll your city’s shopping districts, window shopping only. Visit the historic spots you’ve only driven by.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Go girly

• Instead of girl’s night out, host a sleepover. Pop popcorn, watch a chick flick, and reconnect with your girlfriends.
• Spend an afternoon with the girls giving each other manicures, trying out new hairstyles, and gabbing.
• For a small donation, you can get a free makeover at the Body Shop.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Share your (non-monetary) wealth

• Swap old magazines with friends or family members for a little light reading.
• Chances are, one of your friends is a movie freak. Share your book collection in return for access to your friend’s DVD collection, and you both get to enjoy something new, for free!back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Enjoy the comforts of home sweet home

• How long has it been since you’ve had home-made cookies? Spend a day baking proper cookies, or a pre-packaged cake mix, and invite friends over to share the calories.
• Grab a deck of cards and round up a few friends for card night. Play a few favourites, and have everyone try and teach the group a new game.
• Dust off the Monopoly board – invite friends over to play old board games from your childhood. Have them bring their favourites.
• Cable TV may just be your biggest entertainment expense. Most nights you can find a show or two to watch instead of going to a movie or going out to the bar. If you’re busy a few nights in a row, tape your favourite shows to watch when you have more time. Tape a few weeks of shows and have a personal television marathon.
• Instead of going to a movie theatre, rent the latest flick to watch them from the comfort of your home instead. The seating is more comfortable, the food cheaper and better, and you can pause for a bathroom break.
• Connect with an old friend by writing them a long letter and sending it by regular mail.back to index of “how to get a life on a budget”

Sarah Deveau is a graduate of the University of Calgary. Born in Halifax, Nova Scotia, she spent her teenager years living in Hamilton and Calgary, where she now resides with her husband Keith, and her cat, Parker. During her five years in university, and her husband’s seven years, they incurred a combined debt of just $6,000. Through the use of scholarships, part-time and full-time jobs, Sarah and Keith paid for their education even while getting married, moving out, and buying vehicles. She is the author of Sink or Swim: Get Your Degree Without Drowning in Debt (Dundurn), a ‘how to’ guide to obtaining a post-secondary education without incurring massive student loans. This book guides students through their post-secondary education, encouraging them to live within their means by being creative with their lifestyle. Article reprinted with permission of author.