This account of Jesus healing the leper early in his earthy ministry is peculiar.  It runs against the grain that anyone new in town with an agenda to make a difference would tell people he helped to stay mum about it.  Can you image politicians running for office cautioning people in their riding “Now be careful! Don’t tell others what I’ve done for you to make your life better!”  It just doesn’t make sense.

Well, yes and no.  Have you ever had a secret you wanted to keep for a while for strategic reasons?  When my wife and I became pregnant with our first child, we were ecstatic.  We wanted to tell the world, but we didn’t.  We knew that some babies don’t make it past the first twelve weeks, so we didn’t tell the world.  We called her folks and mine, her sister and my siblings.  After two more months, we told others.  Timing was key.

Jesus did similarly with regard to his identity as the Messiah—the Savior of the world.  He did not refer to himself as the Messiah when he began his ministry, rather, he called himself the Son of Man, another term for “human being” (as Ezekiel used the term) who had godly power and authority (as Daniel used the term).  He knew his early 1st-century Jewish audience had distinct expectations associated with “Messiah”—such as military ruler, earthly king, and another high priest.  He didn’t want to muddy the waters of his identity until they were more prepared for it, even though it was very good news.  Yet later he did.  Timing was key.

Sometimes we have good news that needs to be handled carefully.  An acquaintance of mine had yearned for a new job on the west coast. He and his wife had discussed it, and he was sure she supported him in pursuing it.  He applied, and a few weeks later received a phone call inviting him to a new and exciting role.  In a flash he picked up the phone and called his wife who was busy at home with three kids.  “I was offered the job!  And accepted!  We’re headed for British Columbia!”  Not until he got home six hours later did he realize his wife had had a horrible time processing his bold declaration, with no discussion, and alone with three kids.  She was a wreck and the two had to work through it.  Years later he told me he wished he had handled that disclosure more carefully.

In all these instances it those with good news had a decision—to tell or not to tell, right away or later, while in tune or not to those they told.  Without doubt good news is worth sharing, yet timing is key.

Questions:  How do you handle big news?  Do you post it online at first chance?  How might you share it discerningly?

There’s another way your abuse could be impacting you and that’s in your enjoyment and desire for sex with your spouse.

One of the most confusing things for the sexual abuse victim is how their bodies responded during the abuse. How can something that feels scary, wrong and shameful also feel so good? Often a strategic pedophile grooms his victim by awakening their sexual desire making them a more willing, pliable participant. Now something that God designed for a holy, precious union between a husband and a wife has been seared on the young person’s brain as something shameful, dirty, and painful.

Then they get married to the person of their dreams. They’re madly in love. They want to have sex with this person; except, when their sexual desire is aroused, the unexpected happens. The old familiar feelings of shame, disgust and the sense that this is wrong squelches their desire and causes them to shrink back from the loving touch of their spouse. Or if their abuse was violent causing fear and feelings of helplessness, those same emotions will arise during sexual intimacy, even though this is a safe person. You see, sexual abuse not only robs a child of their childhood, but also steals from their future. The result is an emotional and physical withdrawal on the part of the sexual abuse victim fracturing the marriage union at its foundation.

If this is you, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for all that’s been robbed from you–your yesterday and your today. There is hope for you. It no longer has to rob you of your future. You can choose today to break its hold on you, to heal from the pain and shame to love and live in freedom and wholeness.

I can hear some of you saying to yourself, “But I’ve done all the counseling…I’ve tried everything I can think of, and nothing has worked.” You may not like my answer, but I’m going to encourage you to not give up. Don’t give up. Healing is a journey, a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Along with the support of a professional counselor I encourage you to try the steps of healing offered – “How to Heal from Your Sexual Past”. I’ve seen God transform and heal the lives of hundreds of women as they’ve brought their hurts and pain to Him.

There is hope for healing. God can heal anyone.  He can heal anything. He’s done it for me, and countless others. And He wants to do it for you.

Please, just don’t give up.

For further reading in this series:

Childhood Sexual Abuse: How the past affects the present
How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?
Why do I feel this way?
How do I know if I need healing?
How can I heal from my sexual past? 

Would you like to talk to a mentor? Just use this form and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days.  Can we pray for you?

Recommended Reading:

On The Threshold of Hope by:  Diane Langberg
The Wounded Heart:  Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by:  Dan Allender
List of Barbara’s Books  Barbara covers many issues in her books including Sexual Abuse and much more.

Sometimes we can feel a certain way for so long that it starts to feel normal, c

I met a woman at a retreat who began to share with me that her abuse at 10 years old was surfacing again now that she was 40. Despite her efforts to will it away year after year by stuffing away the memories and emotions, instead it had grown to a frenzy of fear, shame and pain. Even worse, it was impacting the intimacy she longed to enjoy with her husband. She agreed that she needed to ‘deal’ with it, but in order to do that, she would need to bring the past into the open and that was just too scary.

I assured her of two things…the same two things I suggest to you. First: there is hope for healing. She can be free of the impact of the abuse. Not the memories, but the haunting control the memories were having on her life. Second, it was not going away on its own. Until she took the steps necessary to allow for healing, every morning for the rest of her life she’d wake up longing for peace from its torment.

So how do you know if your sexual past is still hurting you today? This list describes some of the ways that your abuse could still be impacting your day to day life:

• You’re having trouble functioning at home or work
• You’re suffering from severe fear, anxiety or depression
• You’re unable to form close, satisfying relationships
• You’re experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
• You’re avoiding more and more things that remind you of the abuse or trauma
• You’re feeling emotionally numb and disconnected from others
• You’re using alcohol or drugs to feel better, or to be able to be intimate with your spouse
• You’re not enjoying intimacy with your spouse, you feel like there should be more . . .

For further reading in this series:

Childhood Sexual Abuse: How the past affects the present
How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?
Why do I feel this way?
Why do I struggle with sexual intimacy?
How can I heal from my sexual past? 

Would you like to talk to a mentor? Just use this form and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days. Can we pray for you?

Recommended Reading:

On The Threshold of Hope by:  Diane Langberg
The Wounded Heart:  Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by:  Dan Allender
List of Barbara’s Books  Barbara covers many issues in her books including Sexual Abuse and much more.

• Self-blame: When children experience trauma, their inherent egocentrism leads them to believe that they are responsible. It’s important for them to understand and believe that the abuse was not their fault. Sexual abuse silences the victim. It takes away their voice. They live in secret, silent shame. They grow up believing their voice, opinion, and person does not matter.

• Powerlessness: Children who’ve been abused have a strong sense of powerlessness. This can impair their self-image, which follows them into adulthood increasing their potential to be victimized again. The powerlessness of sexual abuse damages the body. Not only the physical body, but how they feel about their own body. Children who’ve been abused have no sense of ownership or protection of their own bodies. They assume that their bodies are for public use. This can lead to a disregard for their own safety causing them to act out sexually with others, or being re-victimized over and over.

• Loss and Betrayal: Children lose a sense of safety and may feel a loss of security because people have not protected them, especially significant caregivers. Betrayal, which is essentially a loss of trust, shakes the very foundation of childhood development. They come to view the world as a threatening place they have no control over, and often believe they do not deserve any better than the traumatizing experience.

• Stigmatization: Children who’ve been abused feel stigmatized. They feel an internal sense of shame and alienation—feeling labeled, different than others. They can get stuck in a continual pursuit of acceptance and feeling good enough. As a result sexual abuse damages the emotions leaving them with feelings of helplessness, shame, betrayal, fear, guilt, anger and grief.

• Eroticization: Through the experience of sexual abuse and rape, children may perceive that their value comes primarily from being sexual, thus they often become eroticized and act out on themselves or others what’s been done to them.

• Destructiveness: Many children may lose their impulse control, establishing a self-defeating cycle of aggression and destructiveness–against others and themselves. This may lead to frightening displays of temper and release of rage. Other destructive behaviors may include eating disorders, cutting, substance abuse and addictions.

• Attachment Disorders: Attachment is vital for survival, so it is understandable that threats to attachment are life and death issues for children. Sexual abuse damages one’s ability to build and sustain relationships. It affects relationships in areas of trust, boundaries and control. It is crucial for children who’ve endured sexual trauma to experience safety and a place to develop positive attachments.

Sexual abuse damages one’s thinking. Sexual abuse affects four areas of thought:

• Doublethink: Abuse puts the child’s mind into two contradictory thoughts at the same time. In order to survive the abuse, the mind has to do incredible things. One aspect of doublethink is finding a way to absolve your caretakers so that you can continue to feel cared for or safe. It’s thinking on the one hand that you have no hope of escape and on the other hand that it will be better tomorrow. The mind splits so that both realities can be true.

• Dissociation: Children cope with abuse through defense mechanisms of denial, repression and dissociation. Fragmentation and depersonalization can help protect the child from the overwhelming emotions that come from the abuse.
• Memory: Memories can be repressed and stored in the right side of the brain, or implicit memory where we may not be able to recall, or verbally describe the event.
• Lies and Truth: Sexual abuse damages our thinking through a set of lies. Healing requires bringing the lies into the light of God’s truth.

Sexual abuse damages the spirit, including faith. Trying to understand questions like, “How does a loving God allow something so bad to happen?” is incredibly confusing! This can cause the sexual abuse victim to believe that either God doesn’t exist, or he does exist but is not powerful enough to stop the evil. Or he’s either not a loving God, or he doesn’t love them.

Sexual abuse damages one’s ability to hope. The sexual abuse victim lives without hope in themselves, in others and in their future. To live without hope is to live in a dark, lonely place of despair.

Did you see yourself in the above list? If so, you’re not alone. And you’re not going crazy. What you’re feeling is real. Sexual abuse as a child is a significant trauma that affects every part of your being: spiritual, emotional, mental and physical. But there’s good news. Healing can reverse the lies and damage of abuse, and allow you to live free from the shame and torment that have followed you into adulthood.

For further reading in this series:

Childhood Sexual Abuse: How the past affects the present
How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?
Why do I feel this way?
How Do I know if I need healing?
Why do I struggle with sexual intimacy?
How can I heal from my sexual past? 

Would you like to talk to a mentor? Just use this form and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days.  Can we pray for you?

Recommended Reading:

On The Threshold of Hope by:  Diane Langberg
The Wounded Heart:  Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by:  Dan Allender
List of Barbara’s Books  Barbara covers many issues in her books including Sexual Abuse and much more.

Verbal sexual abuse includes sexual threats, sexual comments about your body, lewd or suggestive comments and inappropriate sexual conversations with children.

Visual sexual abuse includes exposure to pornographic, sexually explicit material or scenes, exhibitionism, and voyeurism.

Physical sexual abuse is much broader than intercourse. It also includes touching that is intended to arouse the victim or abuser.  It can include forced, unforced or simulated sex, sexual touch, and/or intercourse.

Psychological sexual abuse is less obvious, and more difficult to discern. It usually involves having an adult who violates a child’s privacy during bathing or dressing activities, especially an older child who is capable of doing this on their own.

An adult that walks in unasked or announced while a child is in the bathroom, or getting dressed in their room and who proceeds to inappropriately watch them, is a form of sexual abuse. It is much harder to discern because to do so you’d need to know the intent of the adult. But even when children or young adults sense that the intent of the intrusion is sexual in nature, they would have a hard time proving it, especially as the adult could deny any inappropriate intent. Another form of psychological sexual abuse is when a parent uses the child or young adult as a surrogate mate sharing their intimate needs or desires with them, or using the child to meet their emotional needs rather than a spouse.

For further reading in this series:

Childhood Sexual Abuse: How the past affects the present
Why do I feel this way?
How do I know if I need healing?
Why do I struggle with sexual intimacy?
How can I heal from my sexual past 

Would you like to talk to a mentor? Just use this form and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days.  Can we pray for you?

Recommended Reading:

On The Threshold of Hope by:  Diane Langberg
The Wounded Heart:  Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by:  Dan Allender
List of Barbara’s Books  Barbara covers many issues in her books including Sexual Abuse and much more.

Rough estimates put one in three girls and one in six boys in the US at risk for being sexually abused.

This is a difficult topic to write about and a hard topic to read as well. The thought of anyone using a child to gratify their own perverse sexual desires is an incomprehensible evil. It is an evil that has disgraced, destroyed and devalued the human race. But it’s real. It happens and the numbers of those affected by it are growing. Maybe it has happened to you.

Some of the questions I’ll attempt to address in this series are:

• How do you know if you were sexually abused as a child?
• If you were abused, how do you know if it’s still impacting you today?
• How do I know if I need healing?
• Why do I struggle with sexual intimacy?

I understand that you may want to stop reading at this point. If you have memories of sexual abuse, it can be painful to revisit those memories and the emotions associated with them. Or maybe, you are one that has no memory, but you have a ‘feeling’ that you were abused. You occasionally get an image of an event, a person, or of yourself in an uncomfortable situation and you wonder. Perhaps there is someone in your past that causes negative emotions to surface whenever you think of them or have to be around them. Again you wonder, but don’t know for sure.  Maybe you don’t want to know.

If so, I understand. What you’re feeling is typical. You’ve survived until now by shoving the abuse, the memories, that ‘wondering feeling’ deep down so that you could get on with your life.  Or you have minimized the abuse you do remember by saying, “it really was not that big of a deal”.  But lately it has been surfacing unexpectedly. You’re no longer able to keep it buried. It’s having an impact on your dreams, your marriage, your parenting, your ability to trust and to be intimate. Perhaps you need answers to questions like, “Am I this way because of what happened to me as a child?”

But there may be another reason you’d rather not keep reading. Shame. The shame that whispers, “You’re to blame. You didn’t say no. You asked for it. You wanted it. You allowed it to continue. It’s. All. Your. Fault!” I’ve led hundreds of women through sexual healing, and more than half of them experienced some form of sexual abuse or trauma, as in rape. And every single one of them had at some point believed that they were to blame.

It’s a lie, a horrible, evil lie! You were not to blame. It is not your fault. You were a child. Children have no sexual desire, unless that sexual desire is awakened against their will. I’m praying for you. Praying that you won’t let the shame, fear or the lies keep you from claiming the truth. God’s truth is this: you are not alone. It wasn’t your fault. You can be healed. There is hope.

For further reading in this series:

How do I know if I’ve been sexually abused?
Why do I feel this way?
How do I know if I need healing?
Why do I struggle with sexual intimacy?
How can I heal from my sexual past? 

Would you like to talk to a mentor? Just use this form and you’ll get a personal, private response from your mentor, usually within a couple of days. Can we pray for you?

Recommended Reading:

On The Threshold of Hope by:  Diane Langberg
The Wounded Heart:  Hope For Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by:  Dan Allender
List of Barbara’s Books  Barbara covers many issues in her books including Sexual Abuse and much more.  Titles include:  Break Free From Your Sexual Past, Invisible Bond, Kiss Me Again: Restoring Lost Intimacy in Marriage

“Is this not the fast that I have chosen; to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and that you break every yoke?” Isaiah 58:6 NKJV

The concept of fasting is that we sacrifice something for a time to draw nearer to the Lord. In the fast that Isaiah speaks of, we are challenged in a sense to fast our whole lives as we lay them down to care for the needs of others. It is the place of saying to God “here I am, use me” with no conditions or strings attached.  Its flat out, unquestioning willingness to be available to enter into the call of the Lord to be His hands and His feet to meet the needs of those around us.

Too often we feel held back from reaching out to others because of our own needs, challenges, and shortfalls. Yet the irony in all of this is that Isaiah tells us that if we will lay down our lives for others, we also will get healed and set free. I have seen this to be true as I have witnessed people who were fighting with depression and health issues, who decided they would go out and find something to do to help others. After a while they got so involved in their “volunteer work” that their own symptoms and problems began to subside and they found joy in life again.

This is just typical of God’s way, “give and it will be given unto you.”  It doesn’t always seem to make sense, it just works!

Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8 NKJV

“In solemn truth I tell you, anyone believing in Me shall do the same miracles I have done, and even greater ones, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask Him for anything, using My name, and I will do it, for this will bring praise to the Father because of what I, the Son, will do for you.” (John 14:12,13)

For many years, during and after seminary, I asked leading theologians, pastors and students, “What does this passage mean? How can I and other believers do the same miracles that our Lord did when He was here in the flesh – and even greater ones?”

Surely there had to be some mistakes in the translation of this passage, for I saw little evidence of this supernatural power in the lives of the Christians around me or in my own life.

But I had wrongly interpreted what Jesus said. I was thinking only of the miracles of physical healing. God still heals the sick and almost daily I pray that He will touch the ailing bodies of ill ones. God sometimes heals them miraculously, though mostly He works through the skill of surgeons and the miracle of modern medicine.

Yet, while physical healing is certainly valid and very desirable, I realize more and more that a greater miracle is the miracle of new birth. For the body that is healed will one day die, but the person who is introduced to Christ and experiences salvation will live forever. The main reason our Lord came to this earth was to “seek and save the lost,” not primarily to perform miracles of physical healing. Frequently, we are privileged to experience the reality of our Lord’s promise as He enables us to “seek and save the lost” in greater numbers than He did while He was here in the flesh.

For example, in 1980, during the Korean Here’s Life World Evangelization Crusade we saw more than one million people indicate salvation decisions during the week.

Bible Reading: Matthew 21:21-22

Today’s Action Point: Beginning today, I will claim, in the name of Jesus, that He who dwells within me, who came to seek and to save the lost and is not willing that any should perish, will do even greater miracles in and through my life than He did while here in the flesh. By faith, I will experience and share the Supernatural life of Christ with others.

I lost my dad to suicide at the age of five.

No matter how much I tried to get better, I kept falling flat on my face. The unbearable anxiety and suicidal thoughts occupied my soul. The ugly reflection from my mirror flooded my mind with atrocious lies. You are never going to get well! You will remain living with this hell! You will never escape and be free! I picked up drinking again, hoping to find relief. Escaping from the monster in the mirror forced me to run towards things even more gruesome.

I needed a way out

Then one night my turbulent way of living caught up with me. I couldn’t handle my extreme highs, lows, and the stack of baffling conditions I juggled. I didn’t want to continue on the wild roller coaster ride any longer. I couldn’t handle the disabling hours in the bathroom, nor tolerate the self-destructive behavior in the bars. I felt ashamed of my life and needed the madness to end. Out of dire desperation, I prayed to God.

“God, I don’t want to wake up to see another day. I’d rather be dead! If you must keep me alive, then you have to help me get better. Please rescue me from this misery! God, let me die!”

To my surprise, when I awoke the following morning, I prayed to God to guide me into a church. It was Sunday morning and for some odd reason I longed to be in his presence. I fought a dreadful conflict in the bathroom as I prepared myself to get ready. The tormenting obsessions nearly destroyed me but I survived the onslaught, the hideous grooming ritual.

As I got into my car, a strange feeling encompassed me. I had no idea which church I was heading to. As I drove down the street, it felt as though a gentle hand was chauffeuring me. I pulled up along the side of an unfamiliar church. I hesitated for a moment, deciding whether to park my car or not. Is this the one? Look at all the people. Will they stare at me because I’m ugly? Should I go in or not? Within a few seconds, an incredible sensation empowered me, urging me inside.

Finding relief in a church

As I walked towards the entrance, several parishioners greeted me with open arms. This made me feel welcomed, so relieved. I found a seat and immediately participated in the singing taking place. I’d never done this before, but my heart longed to connect. The songs were uplifting and joyous.  I cried as I joined in. I don’t recall the exact message spoken, but it infiltrated my heart. As service was about to end, the pastor asked everyone to close their eyes and bow their heads for prayer. After a minute or two of prayer, he announced an altar call, something unfamiliar to me.

He asked, “Is there anyone who would like to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior? Please raise your hand.”

Without hesitation, I raised my hand.  I knew in my heart, right there and then, that I needed Jesus Christ in my life. I had no idea the pastor was going to ask all of us, who raised their hands, to go up for additional prayer. Right away, I walked up to the front. The pastor had me recite a special prayer, accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord.

Shortly after, elders of the church prayed over me. Tears poured down my face as we prayed together. Later, as I walked towards my car, I felt different. I didn’t feel dirty and ugly. I wasn’t troubled! I feel like I was finally alive!

Everything changed

Something inside me vanished. I felt all cleaned up inside. The obsessions and anxiety disappeared. For the first time in years, I felt good about myself in a healthy way, not in a self-destructive manner. I attended church on a weekly basis. I began to break out of the shell I was locked up in. The greatest feeling anyone could ever experience—imagine a prisoner, set free after being wrongfully locked up for over thirty years.

If you feel lost there is hope for you. There is hope for the aching heart that can not love. There is hope to the one that might be thinking about taking their life. Cry out to God and He will send you help.

For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” (2 Corinthians 6:2)

God is ready to help you right now. Today is the day of salvation.

Do you want to accept Jesus just as Barbara did? All you need to do is pray. Prayer is just talking to God. There is no right or wrong way to do it. God is not concerned about the words that you choose, he cares about the state of your heart. He hears you, the words aren’t that important. You can pray a prayer something like this:

Jesus, I want to know you personally. I know that I am a sinner and that nothing I could do can make up for that. Thank you for dying in my place and paying the price for my sin. I know that my sin doesn’t separate me from God anymore. Thank you for forgiving me. I know that you love me and that I will spend eternity with you. I want you to be my Savior. Come into my life and take control, make me the person you want me to be.

God invites us into relationship with him. He’s not here to condemn, although our sin makes us guilty. God is inviting us back, ready to welcome us home.

When the DRIME team was here on their mission trip, I met a woman named Malee at one of our ministry times. She had many questions about God, and I decided that I would visit her once a week to continue to share about God, read the Bible, and pray with her. My friend Anun comes with me and together we are getting to know her and her family, as well as teaching them about who God is.

The last time we visited her, Anun shared from Acts 17:22-28 and taught Malee about how God is the creator of the world. Malee admitted that she always used to wonder why things are the way they are. Why it takes a man and a woman to have a child, why we are born the way we are, why there is male and female, why there is marriage, where life comes from, etc. She said she stopped asking those questions a while ago because she could not find any answers. She really liked learning about God as creator.

Malee also shared with us that the night before we came to visit she had a very bad stomach pain; it wouldn’t go away and it was keeping her from sleeping. Her husband and children were all sick so she was the one taking care of them, and so she couldn’t afford to be sick herself. So she decided to pray to Jesus and ask him to take away her stomach pain. She had no idea where that thought came from, because it never crossed her mind to pray to Jesus before. But she was desperate for help, so she did. A few minutes after she prayed, her stomach pain went away! She told us this, still a little bit in awe of the whole situation! We were so excited to hear that she was praying, and that God was answering her prayers.  We were encouraged by her story and in turn, we encouraged her to keep praying to Jesus. We assured her that he wants to hear from her!

I’m so excited to keep visiting with her, praying for her and teaching her more about the God who loves her so much! Would you pray for Malee with me? She is getting closer each day to knowing God as her personal Lord and Saviour.

Janna is serving as a base planter in Thailand until December 2011, and has been on staff with DRIME since 2009.