Are you lonely this Christmas? Come talk to a mentor.

In 1962 I was preaching in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was single and it was Christmas time. I was heading home to Michigan to enjoy the holidays with my family.

It was an extremely cold day and it was snowing. The wind was howling out of the north, blowing thick clouds of fine flakes across the road – it was like a blizzard. The roads were icy in places and there was little traffic. Somewhere near Ft. Wayne, Indiana, I saw a soldier standing under an overpass.

He had a green army cap pulled as tight and low as possible over his head, his collar was pulled up around his ears, his hands were shoved down in his pockets and he had a stuffed duffel bag standing beside him.

Surely I can’t pick him up…

I was driving a Chevrolet Corvette and I was going very fast – faster than I should have been, considering the road conditions. As I sped by, the soldier jerked one hand out of his pocket and raised his thumb.

My Corvette had two seats – not a front and a back seat, but two seats side by side – and I was in one of them. The trunk was big enough to hold three loaves of bread and a pound of lunchmeat. Not only was my limited trunk space stuffed full with the clothes and boots I would need for my stay in Michigan, the front seat was stacked high as well, with the presents that I had purchased for my folks and my nieces and nephews.

When I saw the soldier, I was going much too fast to stop and I was well down the highway before I gave it much thought.

I told myself that I couldn’t possibly get him and his duffel bag in the car – I debated about the terrible inconvenience and delay it would cause if I did, and by the time I decided that perhaps I ought to at least offer to help, I was two miles down the road and out of sight.

But my Christmas conscience really went to work on me. It was so cold, traffic was almost nonexistent – he was a soldier – and it was Christmas. The inner battle raged for another three miles. Finally, I decided I would never get any peace unless I offered to help, so I made a u-turn and went back. I hoped with all my heart that someone else had picked him up. That way, I could satisfy my conscience and not be inconvenienced – wouldn’t that be great?

No such luck

But he was still there, looking more forlorn, lonely and cold than ever. I was disgusted. I pulled up and rolled down the window. He came running, stumbling on his numb feet, dragging the duffel bag. He leaned over and stuck his head in the window. His face was bluish, his teeth were chattering, his eyebrows and eyelashes were matted with frozen snow and he could scarcely speak intelligibly.

“Thanks so much for stopping.” He said. “I had about given up hope.” That was not what I wanted to hear.

“Where are you going?” I asked, hoping that it was in some direction that would alleviate me from further responsibility.

“I live in Michigan, in Taylor Township,” he said hopefully. That was really discouraging. It wasn’t directly on my way, but it wasn’t too much out of my way either.

“I’m going to Royal Oak,” I said reluctantly.

“Oh,” he said, “I know where that is. That’s great! If I could just ride with you to Ann Arbor, it would mean a lot to me. I’m almost frozen; I can’t feel my ears or feet any more,” he said plaintively.

“I don’t think I can possibly get both you and your things in.” I said.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll get in – I promise you. I’ve been standing here for three hours.”

I told him to try getting in and we begin rearranging things. The duffel bag was almost as big as he was and there was only one place for it – the passenger seat. No matter how he put it in the car, he couldn’t get in himself. I suggested that maybe he could hide it somewhere and come back for it later. He said he couldn’t possibly do that; it had his kids’ Christmas presents in it and he wasn’t going anywhere without it. I finally got out, walked around the car, and told him to sit in the passenger seat. As he sat there, I wedged the duffel bag between his legs and between the floor and the roof of the car. I sandwiched all of my presents around him – and I slammed the door. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t see out either the windshield or his side window – but he was in. I still don’t know how we did it.

Doing the right thing

Once he began to get warm, he began to talk. I found out he was stationed at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri.

“Didn’t I see you go by about five minutes ago?” he asked. I really felt stupid.

“Yes.” I said very matter of factly.

“You mean you turned around and came back?” I nodded an affirmative.

“Why would you do that?” I paused a long moment.

“Well, you see, I was raised in a home where helping people who were in need was very important. In addition, I’m a minister – actually, it’s more than that – I’m a Christian, and if it weren’t for that, I’d probably still be going. I have as hard a time doing the right thing as most folks. I fought with this decision for five miles – it’s Jesus who makes me do things like turn around and come back. When I don’t do the right thing, I have this feeling He’s looking at me and He’s so disappointed that I can’t stand it.”

Conviction sets in

“Oh!” he said. “You don’t know how that convicts me. I’m going to tell you something I never thought I’d tell anybody. I’m no Christian, but my wife is the best person in the whole world and she goes to church all the time and takes the kids. Truthfully, I’ve done everything I could to discourage her, but she just keeps going. She’s trying all the time to get me to go, telling me that someday I’m going to wish I had.

“Do you know why I’m here hitchhiking? Let me tell you a little story. I was turned down for holiday leave because I got drunk and caused some trouble at the base. I was sick about it. I haven’t seen my wife and kids for six months. A friend of mine, who’s single, found out at the last minute that his folks were coming to visit some relatives who live close to the base during the holidays. He went to our commanding officer and volunteered to take my duty, if he would let me go home.

“He gave me permission, but I had spent all my money buying presents, which I was going to mail home, so I decided to start hitchhiking. My family doesn’t even know I’m coming. I wasn’t sure I’d make it and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I’ve been standing there for three hours, thinking. I watched folks drive by and it occurred to me that some of them must be Christians and it made me feel pretty bitter – until I got to thinking about what a lousy person I am, and I knew if I was them, that I probably wouldn’t stop either.

“Let me tell you something embarrassing – I got so cold, so lonely and so desperate that I started to pray – honest to God I did – it was so humiliating. I told God that if he would help me, I’d do better. And you know what? About that time you showed up and you told me that you came back because of Jesus – now what do you make of that?

“Well, first I’d say that maybe there’s more to Christianity than either of us thought, and second, I’d say you’d better start doing better.”

I found out exactly where he lived and we agreed that I could get him pretty close before I had to go in another direction. I think I knew what I was going to do long before I actually said anything. As we approached where I was going to let him out, I told him that I had made up my mind to take him home.

Home for Christmas

About two hours later, we pulled up in his driveway. It was almost dark. He was really excited. He asked me to blow my horn, and I did. A few minutes passed and the inside door opened slowly. The glass in the outside door was frosted over and whoever was looking out could only tell that there was a car in the driveway. The outside door opened, and a five or six year old, barefooted, pyjamaed boy peeked around the door. When he saw my sports car, he came out on the porch and peered intently at us. His dad opened the door and stepped out.

“Hi David, it’s Daddy. I’m home for Christmas!” He started to say more, but the boy had seen the uniform and heard the voice.

The boy’s face lit up and he turned back into the house. I could hear him distinctly – “Mama, Daddy’s home,” he yelled shrilly. “Daddy’s home! Mama! Mama! Daddy’s home for Christmas!”

The door opened again and it didn’t open slowly this time – it was thrown open. A woman dressed in a bathrobe and house slippers came running down the steps, her hair flying in the wind, oblivious to the snow and the cold, eyes and mouth opened wide with excitement with joy etched in every line of her face.

“Oh, Carl,” she said. “Oh, Carl, you’re home. Praise God, you’re home. The kids and I have been praying every day that, somehow, God would send you home.” She was followed by a skinny, fair-haired, ten-year-old girl.

They kissed and hugged and laughed and cried, and they danced in the cold and the snow until the soldier finally disentangled himself from them long enough to introduce me.

Incredible reunion

“This is John,” he said. “He’s a minister and he’s also a Christian, and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m going to tell you something, Sandy right here and now. I told John that I promised God that I was going to do better and I am. I’m going to stop drinking, be a better husband, a better father – a better man – and we’re going to start going to church together.”

I have never witnessed such gratitude in my life. They all had to hug me and kiss me – even the two-year-old – and they told me what a blessing I was to them and that they owed me a debt they could never pay.

Carl was home.

I think at that moment, home meant more to him perhaps, than it would ever mean again. Home was somehow brighter, warmer, more dear to me than it had ever been before.

Every human longing – bound up in the inherent yearning to be loved and to be “home” and to experience the peace and security that “home” signifies – has found its fulfillment in Jesus who said, “I go to prepare a place for you.” Everything we ever dreamed of home being – what it was or was not – is in that place. Jesus has given purpose, even to the dream of death, because for those who know God – that is the way home. Jesus comes to us in many ways. He came to me in the form of a freezing soldier trying to get home for Christmas. He came to a freezing soldier in the form of a young minister trying to find his way to God. Either one of us could have missed Him. Jesus will come to you this Christmas, too, and His coming will be in an unexpected way – don’t miss Him.

Do you want to know God and have him heal your life? God wants to meet you right where you are, He loves you, and wants to be in your life. He wants to heal you and to give you and abundant life. Why don’t you pray the prayer below and ask Jesus to be Lord over your life?

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be. Amen.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John testified concerning him. He cried out, saying, “This is the one I spoke about when I said, ‘He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’”) Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.” (John 1:14 – 18)

If personal faith plays a major role in a family’s life, their observance of Jesus’ birthday will reflect their beliefs. But all too often, we see people drifting away from celebrating Christmas for its true meaning. Whether through indifference, ignorance, or deception, culture is heading down the path of least resistance – away from God and all that is sacred.

The prevailing attitude today, even in some churches, is that Christmas is secular rather than religious. There is frequently more interest in exchanging gifts than in sharing the good news of this special day. Many people prefer the more “tolerant” word holiday as a substitute for Christmas. But believers should not think this way. As Christ – followers who realize that our eternal future is in the Savior’s hand, we need to know and demonstrate the difference between a holiday and a holy day.

Christmas is a commemoration of the historic moment when God became man in order to live among us. The creator and sustainer of life died on a cross so that we could live sinless before the Father. If we have experienced the amazing grace of Jesus Christ, we certainly have cause to celebrate. And we have reason to share our faith with as many people as possible – in that way, their joy on this day can be as full and rich as our own.

We cannot allow ourselves to drift into a materialistic view of Christmas along with the rest of the world. In a month of colored lights and glowing candles, we should be burning brighter than ever as His lights to the world.

One of the simplest ways to reach out to your community is start with what you are already doing.

When it comes to donating I tend to think of the basics.  If someone is hungry my concern is feeding him or her, I don’t really worry about making it pretty.  But if I’m feeding the people I love, I take that time.  I wondered what it would look like if I took that same care and effort on something I was planning to give away.  A couple of years ago I did just that, getting together with friends and family to make really fancy Christmas cookies that weren’t for us.  It turned out to be such a good thing that we’ve done it ever since.

Cookies as ministry

Last year we used the ovens in the church kitchen to bake 12 dozen sugar cookies. Then we spent a delightful Saturday afternoon icing snowmen and angels, Christmas trees and reindeer.  We had Christmas music playing and lots of hot chocolate. It was a wonderful day.  When it was all finished we took the cookies to our local drop in center for homeless teens.  As we dropped them off I wondered, “When was the last time someone did something special for one of these kids?”

We’ve made cookies for a women’s shelter and a men’s halfway house.  They are always very well received and they’re not hard for me to do, I was baking cookies anyway.  The groceries to make a few dozen cookies cost less than $20 and the time it takes is no hardship because I like making cookies, it’s fun.  (Plus, this way I get the fun of making more cookies than our small family could eat.)

It is impossible to overestimate the power of a personal touch in the lives of people who feel forgotten.  I confess that there have been times when I have turned away from the homeless while walking along a busy downtown street.  The truth is that I don’t want to see them. I don’t like being reminded that there are people who have so little and people in other countries who have even less.  The cookies are one way to turn back toward them instead of turning away.  A cookie isn’t going to change the world, but it can change someone’s day.  It’s a reminder that Christmas is for them too.

Stretch what you’re already doing

If you’re not much of baker, just take a look at what it is that you’re already doing.  Are you hanging Christmas lights? Find someone else who needs help hanging his or her lights.  Are you shopping for gifts for your kids? Put an extra toy in your cart and find somewhere to give it away.  Ask God to show you how you can take what you are already doing and stretch it a little further.  What you have might not seem like much, but God is really good at taking our little offering and doing something spectacular with it.

At church this past Sunday our pastor talked a little about generosity. He said that he often hears people say that if they had more money they’d be generous and his answer to them is, “No you wouldn’t. Generosity has nothing to do with your money.” He’s right.  Generosity has nothing to do with what you can afford; generosity it all about what you make room for.

In my family we make room by rolling out a few extra cookies and decorating them as if we were planning to keep them. It may look different in your family but the heart of it is the same. Generosity is not about the extra, the leftovers, or surplus. Generosity happens when I say, “I was going to have this, I was planning to spend it on me, but here, I want you to have it instead.” Generosity comes out of our own comfort, our willingness to make a little room.  Start with what you have in your hands and make a little extra.  Ask God to use it and you’ll be amazed at what He does.

Take the next step:

Do you have the Christmas spirit?
Take a lesson: The Gifts of Christmas
Trusting God enough to give

Togetherness is a part of Christmas celebrations. Even with family squabbles, the Christmas season is packed with family functions. Spending time with family makes us happy. When stress plays a larger part in Christmas than family it’s hard to be joyful. Peace can be hard to come by in a busy household. This year, rediscover the joy of the season. Find out what really makes you happy this Christmas.

Take the next step:

Decorating on a small budget
Eating Christmas favourites without the guilt
Stay healthy over the Christmas season
Tips for stress-free company parties this season

One of my fondest childhood memories

Every day we would open one of the cardboard doors and behind each one we’d find a tiny chocolate. Every one of the chocolates was uniquely molded in a Christmas related shape. It was a fun diversion for us as kids as we impatiently awaited the arrival of Christmas day. But it doesn’t tell us much about the actual season of Advent. What is Advent?

The season of Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas, somewhere between November 27 and December 3, depending on the year.  Advent is the period leading up to Christmas, which celebrates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, also known as Jesus Christ. It is unknown when this tradition first began, but this period of waiting is often seen in the Christian tradition as a reminder that the world remains waiting for Jesus’ return.

The traditional color of Advent is purple, the color often associated with royalty, although today blue and red are also used. Modern day celebrations of Advent include  Advent calendars, Advent wreaths, lighting special Advent candles, and a series of themed Sunday messages leading up to Christmas day.

Take the next step:

Was Jesus born on December 25th?
Take a lesson: Discovering Advent
Home Alone for the Holidays – When the most joyous time of year … isn’t.

Do you or your family have Advent traditions? Share them with us in the comments!

Image credit: tollens, used with permission, Creative Commons 2.0 License.

Feeling low this Christmas season?  You’re not alone.  Amid cheery songs, festive parties, gifts and good wishes, many lonely people are crying or dying on the inside.  Maybe you’re one of them.  I was.

During a horrible year, my wife of 20 years divorced me, my employer of 25 years fired me, and I had a cancer scare.  As I drove home one night, lovely Christmas music came on the radio.  Melancholy aching evidenced the deep pain of abandonment and loss that I was still processing.

No fun.

Blue Christmas

Romantic estrangement, family strife, and bereavement can make your holidays dismal.  One of Elvis Presley’s most popular songs was “Blue Christmas.”  A lonely crooner mourns heartbreaking lost love.  Performers from The Beach Boys to Celine Dion, Loretta Lynn, and Jon Bon Jovi have recorded it.

Does even thinking about that song make you depressed?  The spoofed “Porky Pig” version could get you laughing.  Google will take you there.  But please … wait until finishing this short article to search, OK?!

Several factors can produce Christmas blues.¹ Hectic activity can bring physical and emotional stress.  Overspending can produce financial pressure.  Year-end reflection and focus on loss can magnify sorrow.

McGill University psychologist Dr. Michael Spevack notes, “Overeating and over drinking combined with a decreased amount of sleep is also a formula for extreme emotional swings.”  Depression can lead to thoughts of suicide, especially among the socially isolated, he says.²

The “empty chair”

Is your family apart this season by necessity or choice?  Maybe an “empty chair” reminds you of your pain.  Does Christmas “Ho, Ho, Ho” contrast with your deep anguish?

One widow recalled how she felt during the Christmas after her husband’s death:  “Little mattered to me. I didn’t want to hear carols. I didn’t want to be cheered up. I didn’t want to look at perky Christmas cards. I wanted the same thing I’d wanted every day for eight months: the strength to force myself out of bed in the morning, to brush my teeth and to eat.”³

One possible influence, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression the medical community doesn’t completely understand.  The Mayo Clinic says genetics, age and body chemistry could be the culprits.  Mayo recommends seeing your doctor if you feel down for days and have motivation problems.  Symptoms can include changing sleep patterns and appetite, feeling hopeless, contemplating suicide, or seeking comfort in alcohol.⁴

Coping

How can you cope with Christmas loneliness?  Some suggestions:

• Spend time with people, especially positive ones who lift your spirits.  Perhaps you’ll be grateful for their cheer.
• Exercise regularly. Blood pumping can help clear your mind.
• Eat right.  Chocaholics beware.  Overindulgence can mean temporary highs followed by disappointing flab.
• Lights on!  Enjoy sunlight, outdoors if possible.  Brighten up your home and workplace.  Light therapy sometimes helps SAD.
• Budget your gift spending and stick with your budget.  Prevent January bill shock.
• Talk about your feelings.  Keeping them bottled up can mean anxiety, ulcers, sour disposition, and/or explosion.  Need a trusted, listening friend?  Try a local church.
• Give to others.  Volunteer.  Medical professor Stephen Post, PhD, is convinced that giving is essential for optimum physical and mental health in our fragmented society.  He says some California physicians give volunteerism “prescriptions” to their Medicare patients.⁵
• Seek counsel.  I used to be embarrassed to obtain professional counsel.  Now I recommend it.  We all can use good advice navigating life’s storms.
• Develop spiritual roots.  I’m glad that before my dark days began, I had a friendship with God.

Tired of friends who betray, manipulate, disrespect, or desert you?  God won’t.  He cares for you, values you, will listen to you and comfort you.  You can trust Him.  He always wants your best.

One early believer put it this way: “Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?”⁶His point: God loved us enough to send Jesus, his only Son, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our wrong, our sins.  What a demonstration of love!  I can trust a God like that.  Then Jesus rose from the dead so He could live inside us and become our friend.

Your choice

Would you like to meet Jesus, the best friend you could ever have?  Wouldn’t Christmas season be a great time to place your faith in Him?  You can tell Him something like this:

Jesus, I need you.  Thanks for dying and rising again for me.  Please forgive me, enter my life, and give me eternal life.  Help me to become good friends with you and learn to follow your lead.

End notes

1. “Christmas Holiday Depression,” 18 December 2005; www.medicalnewstoday.com.
2. Ibid.
3. Mary Cartledgehayes, “Blue Christmas – Grieving Through The Holidays,” Christian Century, December 27, 2003; www.findarticles.com.
4. “Seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” Mayo Clinic Staff, September 24, 2007; www.mayoclinic.com.
5. Stephen Post, PhD., and Jill Neimark, Why Good Things Happen to Good People (New York: Broadway Books, 2007).

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

The In Flanders Fields poem was written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on May 3 1915. He wrote it after witnessing the death of his friend on the battlefield the day before. It is a solemn reminder of the atrocities of war and an admonishment to steadfastly remain vigilant even when faced with terrifying adversity.

On this day we honor those who bravely fought for freedom and justice, and many of whom bravely gave their lives for the noble cause. It goes by different names in different places, including Remembrance Day, Veteran’s Day, Poppy Day, and Armistice Day, but the sentiment is the same: Not to glorify the tragedy of war, but to commemorate the valor of those who fought to defend their country.

Brigadier General (ret.) Robinson Risner, a veteran pilot who fought in World War 2, the Korean War and the Vietnam War, is one of those brave military soldiers who we should remember today. Despite being shot down twice over enemy territory, and being captured and tortured, each time it happened he wasted no time taking to the skies again, ready to serve his country. Read his story: Enduring Torture in a POW Camp

Please feel free to share your own stories of remembrance or commemoration in the comments below. If you feel the need to speak with someone in private, our online mentors are always available to listen.

Are you lonely in your relationship? There is someone you can talk to.

“Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone” (James 2:17, KJV).

“How is Brandy?” I asked my aunt as we were standing in the kitchen of her home one holiday afternoon.

“She’s fine”, my aunt replied as she took the turkey out of the oven. “She writes a list of all the things that she wants to do with her life. She doesn’t do anything with it. She reminds me of how you were a long time ago.” Then, in an exasperated voice, she said, “Do something!”

I had to laugh to myself as I was convicted by her words. I knew God was speaking to me through my aunt. He had just told me, again, to walk in my destiny. And what was I doing? I was still acting the same way I did almost twenty years ago. Writing down the plans and goals that He gave me but not stepping out on faith to get it done. What was I waiting for?

When we are unwilling to do what God tells us to do, we are acting in fear and disobedience. James 2:17 states that “faith without works is dead.” We can believe in our hearts that what God says is true. But if we don’t respond to the truth, it is like not believing at all. We are double minded (James 1:8).

We cannot let fear and unbelief hinder us from our divine assignments. These assignments are given to us to advance the kingdom. God is waiting for us to be willing vessels that He can use as His hands and feet here on the earth. He has already anointed and equipped us with everything we need to get the assignment done (Joshua 1:9).

There is a lost world that needs to see God. The body of Christ represents God. When we are doing what God tells us to do, we are taking God to the world. So take another look at that written vision. Then do something!

Father, thank You for the gifts You have given me to be a blessing to others. Forgive me for not trusting You to carry out the plans that You have for me. Holy Spirit, I submit myself to You. I will continue to remember that this is not about me. The purpose of my calling is all about You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Questions: What assignment has God given you to do that you are hesitant about starting? What is one step that you can take today, by faith, to get you started on your assignment?

How do you feel about your family times this holiday?  Tell us what you think

Are you dreading Christmas this year? Popular indie musician Sufjan Stevens sings in his song “That Was the Worst Christmas Ever”:
Riding a sled down the hillside, hillside
Can you say what you want?
Silent night, Holy night
Silent night, Nothing feels right

What is on your mind this Christmas? Is the stress of the season, or the inevitable lull that follows, getting to you? There is likely no quick fix out there, but maybe there is a tougher but ultimately more fulfilling answer within, specifically within the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

Related reading:
Read a more uplifting story of coming home for Christmas
Could you explain The Christmas Story is someone asked you what it’s about?
Have you got the “Christmas spirit“?

Take the next step:
What do you think about Santa giving baby Jesus to the boy?  Join the discussion
Get the ultimate gift: The gift of forgiveness
Are you fulfilled? Learn how to live life to the fullest