He says, “Here’s what I realized: I could continue to be selfish, or I could be happily married. But I couldn’t do both.”

If you’re ready to improve your own relationship watch the video to see how Neil deals with his own selfishness.  At thirty years and counting, he must be doing something right.

Give your relationship a boost with a Weekend to Remember couple’s conference.  Here’s what other couples are saying:

Gave a roadmap to making our relationship work.
It has been like a breath of fresh air.
This weekend saved my family
Great reset button for us. 

Conferences take place throughout the year all across the US and Canada.

The difference God Makes:

How to Know Jesus Personally

Are You Experiencing the Spirit Filled Life?

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Marriage in a rut? Focus on your strengths
Learn how to make decisions together
If you have questions about marriage, ask a mentor  (It’s private and free.)

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Have you been suffering?
Dealing with death
Are you experiencing a crisis? Talk to a mentor.

Take the next step:
Dealing with life’s hard questions 
Does God care?
Are you dealing with death and disease? Talk to a mentor.

I could see the fear and apprehension written so clearly on their faces when I went in the room to introduce myself. I tried to be encouraging as I asked questions concerning the pregnancy and assessed her condition. I too, had felt the same fear when I saw the blood present and began to pray silently that God, if it be his will, let this little one be carried full term.

My heart broke

This was not to be however. Several hours later, my heart broke when I saw the emergency light go off at the desk. Walking into the room, I learned the wife was going into labor and were about to lose their precious baby. I distinctly remember holding the patient tightly, rocking back and forth with her, tears falling down our cheeks. The sobs of her husband could be heard from the adjoining room. She was asked if she wanted to see the baby yet, and she declined.

The husband entered the small room and I knew it was time for me to leave. They needed to grieve alone. I helped the wife with her clothes and helped her back to bed. I cried all the way back to the nurse’s station.

The baby was a perfect little boy. He had everything he was supposed to have: ten tiny fingers and toes, small ears, nose and mouth. To me he appeared as if everything should have been fine. As I continued to look at him, I knew in that moment, that God had a better plan for this little guy than to suffer in this world this journey we call life. He would never have to know the heartache of losing a child, like his parents had. He would never have to suffer from a terminal illness or grow up in a world filled with temptations. He was where God wanted him to be, resting in the love and safety of God’s hand.

My hope holds on

I trust his parents will be reunited with him one day for eternity. That although they may not be with him in the present, that they will be together in the future. I hope that they too know of this perfect love from above. If not, I pray that they will discover it in this sorrowful step in their lives.

This experience, I am certain, changed them in ways they never wanted to be changed. I know this, because it changed me also. I saw the stark reality of losing a child and felt a small part of their loss. All I could do was cry. No words had been necessary and not one was spoken. Even when I returned later to check on them, silence, intermingled with quiet sobs, was all that echoed from the room.

This article is dedicated to all that have ever lost a child – whether it be one that was stillborn, or in life as they grew. God knows the tears you have shed and those that you will continue to shed. He has imprinted your hearts with a love that He too, knows very well; the love of a parent and the loss of losing a child. May He touch and comfort you with that same hand that holds your son or daughter in ways that only He can do.

Take the next step:
Unthinkable Loss: Miscarriage and Stillbirth
Starting over after a loss
Read the story of Ruth, a woman who lost a great deal and had to find the strength to start over.
Are you facing the loss of a child? We are here to talk.

What could be more romantic than receiving a love letter?

You don’t have to be Shakespeare to write the perfect love letter. All you need to know is how you feel. What makes a love letter so romantic is that it is deeply personal. It shows your beloved how well you know them, and that knowledge is the very stuff of love.

All you need to get started is a pen and some decent stationary. Use thick card stock rather than stationary with roses and cupids around the edges. The recipient is probably going to keep this letter for a long time. Writing on heavy card stock will help it last.  (You can find paper like this at scrap booking stores and some office supply outlets.)

As you are writing be specific. Tell him exactly how he makes you feel and what he does that makes you feel that way. Write in the second person ( use “you” ) so that your letter speaks directly to him. Before you start writing, take a few moments to think about your beloved.

The following questions can help to get your thoughts going:

• What is his greatest strength?
• What do you see in him that he doesn’t see in himself?
• What is the most romantic thing he has ever done for you?
• What does he do on a regular basis that shows you he cares about you?
• When did you fall in love with him?
• What about him pleasantly surprised you?
• What is your favorite memory of the two of you?
• How has your world changed since you got together?

You can start your letter anyway you like as long as you include his name. You don’t have to be super-mushy right from the start, a simple “Dear _____” works well. Begin your letter with a very specific quality that you appreciate about him. Make the sentence exclusive – for example “I’ve never met anyone as _______ as you” or “No one has ever made me feel as____ as you do when you ____” Starting out this way shows him that he ranks higher than anyone else in your books – a great way to start a love letter.

A Conversation about Love & God
You were designed for love. Believe it or not, love moves God to you. And there’s nothing this world needs more than people who have been changed by love.

As you write, tell him exactly how you feel. Use specific examples that show that you’ve been paying attention. Remind him of the things he has done that really meant something to you. Share a favorite memory and a hope for the future. Don’t forget to say “I love you.” It doesn’t matter how long or short your letter is, as long as it’s sincere.

There’s no rule that says you have to use poetry in a love letter, but if you’re stumped finding just the right words, one or two carefully chosen lines can work really well. If you don’t have a poem in mind, there’s a lot to choose from online. If you want to use something other than the usual classics, I highly recommend “Dance Me to the End of Love” by Leonard Cohen.

Once your letter is complete, read it over carefully and check for errors. This letter will be read over and over. You don’t want a mistake spoiling the mood.If you want to add an extra special touch, seal the envelope with wax. Sealing kits are available at most fine stationary stores, but a regular taper candle in a dark color works just as well. Simply light the candle and carefully drip a small puddle of wax about the size of a quarter over the flap.

Once the letter is complete, drop it in the mail and wait for a great response. If you’re lucky, you just might get a love letter yourself.

Take the next step:

What’s your love language? Take this lesson to find out.
Unlock the secret to love
Do you know how much God loves you?

Through the curtains my husband handed me a towel.  As I wrapped the fresh white towel around my shivering shoulders, deep warmth wrapped itself all around my thawing frame.  My husband had warmed the towel in the dryer!  I cannot describe how magical it felt.

The warmth of the towel seeped into my skin as my husband’s thoughtfulness saturated my soul.  I felt loved.  What a gift! It was a simple act of kindness that warmed my body and heart.

Now… before you start thinking that this kind of romance naturally occurs within the Born household, can I set the record straight?  This wasn’t my hubby’s own idea.  Nope.  He didn’t come up with this on his own. He got it from a book.  But… who cares? As I enshrouded my body with that warm towel, I didn’t give a hoot where the idea came from.  I was relishing in his implementation of the idea. That was the gift.

Have you got a Christmas gift for your spouse yet?  According to the guy on the radio, if you don’t have your gifts by now… it’s too late.  But I don’t believe him.  Come on, they’ve been playing Christmas music for months already.  The pressure tactics of consumerism are little over the top.

For Christmas this year, my husband and I are giving each other the gift of attending a marriage conference together.  Now, marriage conferences aren’t cheap, so we’ll be saving up for it. But I’m thinking it’ll be more like an investment. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is the desire to learn new ways of saying “I love you” – whether the ideas come from a book, a marriage seminar or from your own creativity.  No matter what stage a marriage is at (and we’ve been through ebbs and flows of our own) there is always hope for a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

So with the warm towel in mind, think about giving a gift that will change your relationship.  Find out new ways to say I love you.  Pick up a marriage book.  Plan to attend a marriage seminar.  Go for coffee with a friend and share some ideas.  Choosing to learn new ways to love your spouse is a life-changing gift. Now that’s a real gift.

Take the next step:

Find a marriage conference near you: US schedule Canadian schedule
Do you have questions about marriage? Come talk to a mentor

Originally posted on dorisdoumaborn.wordpress.com . Used with permission.

“It’s my party and I can cry if I want to.” This was my attitude when my husband, a Marine pilot, was deployed over the holidays.

The first few holidays David was deployed, I went back to Canada where my parents live so I wouldn’t have to be by myself. But that became costly and it was too much work dragging four kids on the airplane.

I remember the day I determined to finally spend Christmas at home without running away. I imagined waking up Christmas morning, with my four children tugging on my pajamas, excited to see what was under the tree. Then I felt anxious, knowing I would miss out on what I knew so many other couples were doing… drinking eggnog together, making pancakes, dancing to Christmas music.

And what about David? I knew he was having just as difficult a time. It was just different. What was he eating in Iraq during Thanksgiving? At least I was invited to a friend’s house, no matter how awkward it felt sitting at a formal dining room table with her and her husband. David was probably eating hot dogs and chips, perhaps the candy I sent him. And then he would take a baby wipe and wash his hands afterwards, seeing as there was lack of sinks and water. Of course, he would be imagining what I was doing with our kids, wanting to be home to fry a turkey and make a bon-fire, and just hang out.

As Christmas approached, he was probably looking in his mailbox wondering when a gift would come for him. What about a card? Was anybody back home thinking about him?

A new celebration

After languishing through the holidays during David’s first few deployments, it hit me: Why load the holidays with such expectations? Why not see every day as a holiday, a day of celebration?

I began to sit down with my children and make banners and gifts for their father on a daily basis. I would buy the kids gifts on non-calendar holiday days just to show them I celebrated them all the time. Sometimes, it was the simple things they longed to do… reading a book, or playing Frisbee, making crafts, even sitting down on the couch and watching a movie.

We found creative ways to celebrate, even without Daddy around. Every day became Christmas, in a way. Every day became a day of Thanks, and every day became a day of Love in our home. David would even find ways to celebrate with us by sending handmade cards to each of the kids on a regular basis. One year, I received around seven different Valentine cards in a week. I laughed. He knew.

“Choose life!”

In many ways…we can choose life…living to the fullest, seeing every day as a day of opportunity to celebrate. I have realized it is in all our perspective and how we choose to look at things. I choose life… every day! What about you?

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His deployment changed everything
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