What do you pray for your kids? Beth Scholes has some excellent prayers from a parent’s heart.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.” (Philippians 4:4-8)

There’s a picture on my windowsill of my three children, smiling back at the camera. Taken years ago, they’re so little in this picture.  Our daughter looks so much like me. God has made an extension, a likeness of myself. She is her own person and she lets us know it. She was created for her time, for such a time as this. However, she bears my image.

In that family image captured three years earlier I see our happiness and the closeness that we share, a closeness that is still growing today. I pray our children will have been blessed with an upbringing that will undergird their lives for the purposes the Lord has for them. May their childhoods adorn the testimony of their lives for the glory of the Lord.

We have a quiver of children. What are we aiming them at for the trajectory of their lives? What path are we setting for them in childhood? When we let the arrow go and they move out of our home, which target will they fly toward?

The child, unlike the arrow, has a mind of its own. That thought could make me anxious. So I bring this as well to the Lord in prayer.

Lord, I praise you for your never ending, never forsaking, always hoping, love for us. Thank you for the blessings you have bestowed on my family. Thank you for our love. Have your way in our family. Help us to serve you as you desire. Remove anything from our lives, from our relationships, that would be contrary to your will. May we be found at the end of our short time on earth faithful to you, and having fulfilled your purpose for our lives. I pray that in all things, we will display your image. May you be glorified. In the strong name of Jesus Christ I pray.

 Question: How can you help direct a child to Jesus in your life?

Are you lonely in your relationship and wish it was different? We want to pray for you.

The artist tossed a lump of clay onto the wheel, her hands moving deftly around the gray mass as the wheel began to turn. Slowly at first, then more quickly, the wheel began its rotation while the potter intentionally moved her fingers over the unrecognizable mound.

Just off to the side of the spinning wheel was a bowl of water. Regularly the potter dipped her fingers into the liquid and then back to the clay as she slowly formed it into the shape she envisioned. Because clay in its natural form is dry and “thirsty,” water is necessary for the finished product to be what its maker intends. Most of the water soaked into the clay but soon the wheel, the potter’s apron and even the floor was splashed.

God is lovingly determined to shape each of us into the image of Christ. The Holy Spirit is referred to as water.  “(Jesus) cried out, ‘If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says.’” (He said this in regard to the Spirit…) (John 7:38 and 39)

In addition, the word of God is used by the Spirit of God as cleansing water. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. (John 15:3) As we submit to the loving authority of the Holy Spirit—learning to regularly listen to His whispers—and drink deeply of the Word of God, we become beautiful vessels fit for the use intended by our Potter. And without our even being aware of it, God is being splashed into the lives around us.

Father, thank you for the dripping of your water into my life. And thank you, too, for the way you are splashing into the lives around me.

Questions: How is God shaping you into what He wants you to be? What is the job of the Holy Spirit?

About the Author Marilyn J. Ehle

Last summer my husband and I embarked on a ninety-day, 7000 mile road-trip

Forgive me if I particularly noticed the dirt. This might be offensive but to conserve costs, we showered about once a week. Of course we’d wash up in the water pump at the campground and use a generous amount of moist wipes. Even so, I would be pretty dirty after six days. And yet, my husband would tell me that I looked beautiful, even several days after our last shower.

I would usually respond with, “What, are you kidding? You can’t really think that.” I sure didn’t feel beautiful, I felt repulsive.  If I felt so gross then I couldn’t possible look anything but. Right?

Examining my thinking

I gradually came to understand that I needed to break that mental cycle. I was, perhaps subtly, accusing my husband of being a liar. At first, I dealt with that revelation by making a joke out of his complement. “Thanks honey. You must have to say that to remind yourself that underneath this grime is the cute woman you married.”

That response still didn’t go very far in demonstrating that I believed he was telling the truth. This was a difficult lesson for me to stomach. Of course I trusted my husband. He was my climbing partner, wasn’t he? That meant I trusted him with my safety, even my life. Is there a greater trust than that?

It would have been easy to brush it off. After all, it’s perfectly normal for a woman to feel down about her looks occasionally. But I felt convicted to break the habit. At the root of the problem, my insecurity created a barrier between us. That insecurity manifested itself as mistrust in multiple ways.

It wasn’t only his compliments I doubted. It could be a grouchy tone to his voice or a frustrated sigh in response to a question. It doesn’t matter that perhaps he could have responded more pleasantly—I need to acknowledge that as a temporary reaction and not make it representative of how he feels about me.

We have to take care not to internalize our partner’s actions—to learn to trust intentions more than their behavior. That trust frees me from the worry and fear that creates conflict. I don’t have to worry that he’s lying. I don’t have to fear that I’m not worth his compliments or his love.  I trust him.

The Bible says a lot about trust—about trusting God. He is the only one that can be trusted completely, being without sin. It doesn’t command us to trust anyone else, in fact it warns against placing trust in people. Fortunately I trust God in many aspects surrounding our marriage.

I trust He had my best intentions in mind when he brought me and my husband together. I trust He is at work in my husband’s life—continually shaping him into a man after His own heart. I know He will respond to my husband’s prayers—for the grace to stay in God’s will and keep his commands, like the one to love and cherish his wife. Trusting my husband is a representation of my trust in God. Only He can provide the supernatural peace that I need to be free from fear and self-doubt.

So now, even if I’m covered in dirt and sweat when my husband tells me I look beautiful, I do my best to respond with a smile and a sincere “thank you”.

Miley Cyrus recently told the Associated Press that “I’m not trying to be ‘slutty’… [I'm trying] to make a point with my record and look consistent.”

As Miley Cyrus grows too old to continue portraying the family-friendly Hanna Montana character, she has instead recently began to adopt the look and persona of a, let’s say sultry pop star. Although Cyrus claims she is just trying to be consistent with the sound of her album and her personality, it also seems to be a prudent business move to help keep her in the spotlight.

But maybe this sultry approach is beginning to lose its effectiveness?

Author and speaker Rusty Wright comments on a recent CNN article when he says:

Some university students are giving up casual sexual activity because they feel it’s not fulfilling. I am not making this up.

Take, for instance, Vanderbilt University student Frannie Boyle.  She told CNN that, in the past, she sometimes drank to excess before parties and hooked up with a stranger or acquaintance before the night was over.

“I saw it [hooking up] as a way to be recognized and get satisfaction,” Boyle admits.  But satisfaction eluded her.  “I felt so empty then,” she laments.

Read the rest here. Maybe if people are beginning to shy away from casual sex, they will also find sex-focused entertainment less appealing? Could it be that people are realizing that many of their cravings are merely symptoms of deeper longing for real intimacy?

Although they produced great products, Bill and Becky neglected to build the bakery’s image around their premium, high-quality items. Casual customers perceived the shop as an average bakery rather than as a purveyor of top-flight desserts. Why?

First, the owners presented their company as an old-fashioned corner bakery. Their window displays and signage were neat but simple, not conveying an upscale image. Inside, the counters and display cases were filled with an abundance of baked goods, but the high-end desserts were jammed in alongside the breads and rolls. A sign listing the daily specials was handwritten. The staff were neatly dressed but without a uniform appearance.

“Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV). Unfortunately, if the outward appearance of a business doesn’t clearly communicate a company’s unique strengths, customers may not understand everything the company has to offer. Bill and Becky did a good job of merchandising their everyday items, but they failed to capitalize on the potential of their high-margin desserts.

The first step in building your company’s image is to clearly understand your key competitive advantage in the marketplace, and then to craft your image around that advantage. For example, Wholegrain Bakery had several competitors for bagels and bread, but these other shops couldn’t match the bakery’s array of high-quality dessert items.

When Bill and Becky invested in an image makeover, they began to concentrate on merchandising their upscale dessert items, while still maintaining their inventory of basic baked goods. First, they repainted the exterior of the building and added new signs that replaced the corner bakery image with a more upscale, high-quality feel. Next, they replaced the old tables and chairs with some sharp-looking new furniture. They then rearranged the display cases to more effectively showcase the desserts. To create room, they kept all the extra bread, rolls, and bagels in the back until needed. The result was a sharp increase in the sale of desserts!

Creating an image for your company is only the first step, however; you must also support and maintain your image through your actions. Here’s a key equation to keep in mind: Customer expectations minus the reality they experience equals customer disappointment. Make sure that the image you present to your customers is accurate. When I was shopping for window blinds recently, I was drawn to a local store that advertised, “We beat all prices by 20 percent.” However, the quote I received from this company was the same as from other stores. As a result, the “discount” store lost all credibility with me. Once you have determined what your image should be, you must strive to deliver that image to your customers. Heed the wise words of King Solomon, who wrote, “Put away from you a deceitful mouth” (Proverbs 4:24, NASB).

Upscale isn’t necessarily the best image for every business. The point is to make sure that your image accurately reflects your company’s unique strengths. For example, a nearby vacuum repair business that offers great repair service and used vacuums operates out of a small shop cluttered with merchandise, and customers can see the repair staff fixing machines. This folksy setup conveys the company’s signature strengths: reliable repair service and low-cost vacuums. Or consider Sam’s Club and Costco: Their concrete floors and merchandise piled high to the ceiling reinforces the idea that you are getting warehouse-style bargains.

Some business owners mistakenly believe that advertising creates their company’s image. Instead, I believe that a company’s advertising should highlight the image the owners have defined for their business and what they deliver to their customers.

Take a step back. Determine your company’s key advantage in the marketplace. Then determine whether your current image fits that advantage. Are you effectively highlighting your key benefits? If not, identify three steps you can take to hit the mark. If you determine that your operation is out of step with your image, make the commitment to either align your image with your operation, or make changes in your operation to match your image.

my fantasy world | food and image | my hope in life

Living in the real world:

I struggle with living in reality versus living in my fantasy world. When I was a teen, I had no idea that my safe haven was living in my dream world. When I was upset, I would start dreaming about life ever after in a world where I was living with prince charming, where he made me feel safe, secure and loved. My mother and fiance had made comments about it, but I had no idea what they were talking about.

After my fiance and I broke up, a counselor helped me to see more clearly. When I was dealing with issues, I came to realize that escapting to my fantasy world was a coping mechanism.

God is helping me through it by making me aware of the times I am letting myself run away, whereas before I wasn’t even aware of it. When I recognize it, sometimes I still stay there, sometimes I pray and ask God for help. I often repeat things to myself, ‘No don’t go there, this is not a good thing." Or "Stop it Christina, remember that this isn’t reality." God wants to give me strength to live in the present reality.

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Struggling with food and image:

I tend to rely on outward appearance and looking good for confidence. So I struggle with my image and controlling my eating. In high school I was close to becoming anorexic. My parents realized it when we were on vacation. My mom talked to me and took me to a doctor to see what my healthy weight was, to help me to see what was normal. I didn’t care.

I struggled with weight and food issues all through high school. I was thinking I needed to deal with it, but didn’t do much about it. I talked to someone, who recommended a book, and I eventually finished that. It wasn’t until I broke up with my fiance that I began talking to a counselor specializing in eating disorders. She gave me homework every week, not always related to food, often related to other things. I saw a nutritionist who’s helped me see what healthy eating patterns are and helped me be accountable which I did not like.

My counselor gave me a prayer to pray every day that another food addict had written, which helped me tremendously. It’s a prayer of choosing to give my life to Jesus, choosing the truth of Jesus satisfying more than the empty promises of food, choosing not to be controlled like a puppet by my unsurrendered desires, choosing to give control to God who is my loving Father who accepts me just as I am.

Knowing God’s love for me comforts me when I felt like crap, and has given me the strength to face my suppressed emotions and thoughts; he helps me to face the truth because he’s a loving God.

I still struggle with it. Every time I share it with people, I’m reminded. I know what I should do but I don’t do it. I want to be free, I don’t want to continue living like this… I know I need accountability and ask me how I’m doing so that I learn how to take responsibility for my actions. What I need is accountability. You can’t explain your actions, you need to take responsibility.

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Knowing God through difficulties:

God is my source of comfort every time that I am feeling down with situations — like feeling I don’t have any friends or wanting a relationship with a guy to work out. Or there are times when I feel like my problems are unsolvable and life spins out of control with too little time to do everything.

Very rarely is there an answer in the practical sense — I don’t get a clear voice that says "This is what you should do." But as I look to God and choose to trust him that he knows what he’s doing, a peace comes from trusting that if I look to him he’ll work things out for my good according to his purposes. But if I don’t look at him, my focus is unclear. He does have a purpose and plan for my life. Then the answer unfolds. Not knowing adds excitment, even though I hate not knowing! It really is a journey and an adventure to follow Jesus.

Knowing God personally gives you hope. It means that there’s someone to help you through your problems. There’s someone who affirms you and believes in you when everyone else doesn’t. There’s hope.

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More about Christina . . .

Related reading:

• Questions about spirituality? Read our spirituality articles
• What’s your Spiritual Interest Quotient? Take our SIQ quiz and find out
• How you can know God personally
• Back to Student Profiles

Copyright iamnext.com 2003. May not be reprinted without permission.

A police officer pulls a car over for a routine traffic stop. The officer strides confidently up to the car, hands on his hips, with a bravado swagger as if he is fully in control of the situation. He peers into the driver’s window. Suddenly, the man in the car pulls a gun and fires several shots. The officer falls to the ground, screaming and crying in a frenzy, "I’ve been shot! I’ve been shot! Call an ambulance! I’ve been shot!"

When the paramedics arrive, they discover the officer has no’t even been wounded. All the shots missed. The only observable damage is that this tough cop wet his pants.

This is an illustration of how identity works. In one flash, all of the officer’s self-assured control leaves him, and he is reduced to the helplessness of a baby. The police officer’s identity of courage is not real; he is not confident underneath his tough image which crumbles during a dangerous unexpected encounter.

Like the police officer, illusions of who we think we are — and who we claim to be — evaporate like smoke. Our true Identity is obscured and ignored to make way for our made-up image-the way we want others to see us.

How we define ourselves

In defining our image, we take all the things that appeal to us in the world to create how we want to see ourselves. We set out to make ourselves visible in the world so our images are reflected back to us through the desire of others.

We can try to define our identity according to how we want to be seen — by others and by ourselves — but this is an incomplete view of what true identity really represents because often the things we find appealing reveal what we feel is missing in our own lives.(1)

Image is so important to us because we all want to belong to something meaningful, desirable and important. The precisely fashioned images we show others are supposed proof of our value.

Since image is largely derived from the world around us, it may be helpful to note a few of the most powerful influences that pressure us. Influences shape our beliefs and ultimately what we truly value; what we value is a reflection of what is in our hearts.

Feeling the peer pressure

Peer pressure has a tremendous effect on all of us. Have you ever had a teacher or friend that had a positive and profound influence upon you? They probably influenced your values, which affected the image you portrayed and in turn impacted your lifestyle.

A study in the 1960s reveals the powerful influence of peer pressure cannot be ignored. Stanley Milgram, a psychologist at Yale University, conducted experiments attempting to prove the immense power of influence exerted through peer pressure and authority.

"Although controversial by today’s ethical standards, the experiments revealed a dark side of human nature: many subjects were quite willing to obey an authority even if such obedience meant inflicting severe pain on another person.

Even though the experiments were themselves a deception (that is, the electric shocks the subjects ‘administered’ to the victims were not real, and the ‘victims’ were pretending to feel pain as part of the experiment), many of the subjects suffered considerable trauma to discover that they had the capacity within themselves — in obedience to authority and peer pressure — to inflict such torture." (2)

The experiment illustrates that we really are no’t always consciously aware of how much influence those around us actually exert on us. Although another’s influence may not be presented as an authority, they can still have a tremendous effect on us.

In response to the influence of others, we image ourselves in a way that we think is appealing and desirable to our peers; we tend to want to "fall into line" because of our desire for acceptance. A self image created with the objective of pleasing others is unreliable and ultimately a hollow and disappointing endeavor because the opinion of others is always shifting and approval is fleeting.

Bombarded with media messages

Popular media is another influence worth exploring. Countless ideas of what image we should adopt to improve ourselves and bring true happiness are constantly coming at us through television, computers or radio.

Constructing our identity has become a requirement in our modern Western society where we are constantly facing choices of identity and lifestyle.(3) We have seen various ways in which popular ideas about "self" in society have changed, so that identity is seen today as more fluid and transformable than ever before.

Consider how popular media has contributed to the change of our traditional gender roles. One text traces shifting gender ideals like this:

"The traditional view of a woman as a housewife or low-status worker has been kick-boxed out of the picture by the feisty, successful ‘girl power’ icons. Meanwhile the masculine ideals of absolute toughness, stubborn self-reliance and emotional silence have been shaken by a new emphasis on men’s emotions, need for advice, and the problems of masculinity." (4)

Whether you believe the media is a reflection of changing societal values, or a leading force disposing of traditional social roles and values, media disseminates an enormous number of messages suggesting "better" forms of self-expression, gender, sexuality, and lifestyle. Although the public has its own robust and diverse set of feelings on subjects of gender, sexuality and lifestyle, the media uses seductive and proven methods of persuasion and represents a constant bombardment of image advice.

Even if we disagree with the images in our minds, they still can play on our emotions; the frequency of exposure to media suggestion can wear on even the most grounded person.

Peer and media influence are clearly not the only forces which may pressure us, but we are exposed to them every day, whether they be negative, positive, truthful, or fraudulent. These influences can be unreliable and inconsistent at best. As one text reminds us, "As long as you derive your identity from the world around you, you have to be concerned about losing it." (5)

Our attempts to define and image ourselves are a reaction to a deeper need within — the need to satisfy an intense yearning deep inside every human being, a need for purpose and belonging. The problem of defining our identity from exterior influences is they are unreliable; even seeking definition from within ourselves can be unreliable with our fluctuating emotions and confidence.

We need to look beyond ourselves and the world around us to a different realm — an infinite and unchanging reality called God.

What does God have to do with defining identity and purpose?

Matthew Palmer is a recent business grad who talks to himself a lot (he finds he has a lot in common with himself) and loves The Simpsons.

Related reading:

• Finding true identity and purpose
• Searching for self esteem
• Dealing with loneliness

Notes:

1. "Identity and Loneliness" A guide to Psychology and its Practice. Retrieved August 28, 2003.
2. Ibid.
3. Gauntlett, David (2002), Media, Gender and Identity: An Introduction, Routledge, London and New York.
4. Ibid.
5. "Identity and Loneliness"