I’m the third of four children. From all outward aspects, we were the average suburban family, living outside a large city in eastern Canada. But we were not a perfect family – we had our “hidden secrets,” and our “we don’t ever talk about that” situations.

What people saw on the outside of our home was not necessarily a reflection of the inside. From an early age, there were events that took place in my life that left me with a longing to have a ‘new beginning’.

A hard beginning

As a teenager, the sudden death of my father was very difficult for me; my father and I were close, and he was my friend. The void in my heart increased with his passing. I was heading into rebellion, but his death – along with the ongoing deterioration of my relationship with my mother – hurled my life into self-destruction.

At nineteen, I left my family and moved to Canada’s Pacific coast, determined to have that new beginning. Within three months, I met Tom. Two months later, we began living together. We fought our way through the next year-and-a-half, and I believed the solution to the turmoil was to get married. The following year, in 1971, we did. In 1973, our son, Pernell, was born. One year later, I was pregnant again. After much turmoil, it was determined that I should have an abortion. In 1976, our daughter Sara was born.

By now our home was like my childhood home – what you saw on the outside was not a reflection of what was taking place on the inside. Once again, I had become a master at covering up the imperfections and pain, longing for a way to wipe the slate clean. By the age of thirty, I was becoming dependent on prescription drugs; as a consequence of post abortion syndrome, I experienced depression and thoughts of suicide.

Trying to cope

I took the two children and went back to see my family. I considered staying back east, to try and find a new beginning. I would have done so had my husband not called me several times and persuaded me that the children and I belonged with him, and that if I returned there would be changes. I knew I really loved him and I wanted our marriage to work. So I returned – to make a new beginning.

In 1981, Jonathan was born. My husband was laid off a year later and could not find a job. I went into the work force. Shortly after that, he stopped looking for work.

Our relationship was as stormy as ever, and my coping mechanism was to turn my energies to a career. I enjoyed the enormous amount of responsibility that came with my position, along with the great rewards of appreciation, elegant dinners, lots of positive attention and relationships outside of my marriage. But there was a price – long days and weekends at the office, regrets at night and an ever increasing longing within.

Five years later – having barely seen my children, having no relationship with my husband, having unhealthy relationships outside of my marriage and a career that was going somewhere when I was sober – my longtime friend Barb took me for a walk and said, “Sara, ever since I’ve known you, all you ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife. If you don’t make changes now, you will come home one day and find your kids have grown up without you and you will have missed it.”

I knew she was right. I thought about a solution: if I took the kids and left my husband, ended the unhealthy relationships, cut back on the drinking and the hours at the office, perhaps then I could have a new beginning. In October 1987, I put the kids in the car and drove away.

Learning of a new love

My first and biggest challenge as a single parent came within weeks, when I tried to obtain custody of our three children. As I had worked for five years outside the home, I could not presume that I would be granted custody. I left for the courtroom that day, very fearful that I would lose my children. Before I left the office, my manager, Jim, offered to pray for me. I had turned to him for advice because he was a gentleman whose life was a marked contrast to mine!

Jim did not smoke, drink, or swear. He was patient, calm, very wise in business and family and faithful to his wife of many years. Definitely a life under control – while mine was out of control. When Jim mentioned prayer, I said “Well great, you pray, I’ll go” – to which he replied, “Sit down.” Then I asked, “Will you be praying out loud?”, to which he answered “yes.” So I sat there, with my eyes open, while he prayed about the custody. As soon as he said “amen,” I bolted for the door.

At the courthouse, my lawyer advised me that I might have a better chance if I were to seek joint custody. But as my husband’s lawyer got up and gave a very uncomplimentary – but true – description of my lifestyle for the past five years, my head dropped. I felt the judge would never consider me a fit parent. Then, because of a technicality, the judge negated my lawyer’s efforts to defend me. I believed my dreams of motherhood were over at that point. Yet to my amazement, a few minutes later, the judge granted joint custody with equal access to each of us.

At last I knew that there was a God, who must love me – as Jim had often told me – and that this God had intervened on my behalf. I ran out of there to call Jim. As he answered the phone, I blurted out, “Okay – I want to know more about this God of yours. You obviously have a direct line and I’m prepared to listen.”

Rescued from hopelessness

In the following weeks, Jim shared more with me about Jesus, whom I had always thought of as merely a baby at Christmas and not much more. Jim told me often that God loved me and created me to know Him personally. Sometimes when I would come into the office with a hangover, Jim would patiently tell me that the reason I wasn’t experiencing God’s love in my life was because I was insisting on going my own way – and that way was sin. I always thought of sin as murder, stealing, lying . . . etc. Besides, I reasoned, I wasn’t any worse than the rest of the people in the office.

As Christmas approached that year, my problems remained the main thing on my mind. For the first time since becoming a mom, I would be spending Christmas Eve and morning alone without my children. On December 22, as I drove Jim to the airport, he said to me, “You know you have nothing left to lose. After thirty-seven years of you being at the controls, you don’t have a home, a husband or your kids. All you have is your car, and your job – and that’s only because I am your boss. So, why don’t you give control of your life to God and experience a new beginning.”

It wasn’t the first time Jim had made this suggestion. My first response came from my discouragement: “Well, that may be fine for you, but it won’t make any difference in my life. It’s easy for you – your life just goes along smooth no matter what.” Jim again patiently asked if I would repeat a prayer after him. Again I said, “You pray, I’ll listen.” With that, he told me that the Bible said if I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead, I could be rescued from my hopelessness. I challenged him: “Where does it say that?” He answered. Accurately. Word for word.

So I prayed, repeating what Jim was saying. It went something like this: Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

I never thought at that point that it would change anything, let alone give me that elusive fresh start. However, before I said “amen,” lifted my head and opened my eyes, something profound had happened inside me. I could not explain it, but I knew it was real. For the first time in my life – the emptiness inside me was gone. When Jim told me I was forgiven for all my sins, I knew what he said was real somehow and I felt very free. I didn’t know why, but I knew for the first time in my life I could really start over.

A new life

In the ten years since that night, there have been many storms to go through. My son, Jonathan, fought a battle with lymphoma cancer. During his treatments, my mother suddenly passed away. My two oldest children have been off traveling the world, and had some very frightening and disappointing experiences. But my life slowly changed.

As I began to read the Bible and pray, listen to teaching tapes and then eventually start to go to church, my responses to life’s turmoil began to change. My old habits of smoking and drinking, angry tirades and unhealthy relationships all began to fade away. The strongest evidence has been that, if I am faithful to read my Bible and to pray, there is always an unexplainable peace that presides over every day and every circumstance.

Working through the ongoing and as yet unresolved issues with my children’s father, having to deal with the day to day aspects of life as a single parent, running a household and working full time . . . I cannot imagine trying to cope with life alone, without having the assurance that God is in control. I can honestly say that I have a new life. God gave me my new beginning.

Is this the life for me?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised. Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Just dragging the tree out and decorating the house left me feeling like my body was encased in cement.  Here was a season of hope and I felt numb. I could hardly wait to package up the tree, box up the decorations and put them in storage.  I could always try and imagine that the New Year would be better.

For some, Christmas time is a hard season. Hurtful memories and reminders come from childhood memories, an unfaithful spouse, a broken home, a death, still waiting to conceive a child, or a loved one fighting for our country. Whatever the reason, the feeling sits in the pit of the stomach.

I can’t candy coat it. We have to realize the reality for what it is.  Yet I can say, because I‘ve been there, that there is hope!  I believe it…I’ve lived it!  Your life, your walk may seem in despair today …… but from my heart to yours…. I know YOU CAN DO THIS!  This isn’t the time to throw in the towel or give up.

May I share 3 things with you that I learned in my journey through days of despair?

1. Don’t give up!

Believe that there is a very special reason you are here. Do you know that a God of Love created you, very specifically? Listen to these verses from Psalm 139: 13, 14, 16b (CEV), “You are the One who put me together inside my mother’s body and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me.  Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt….even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do.”

God believes in YOU.  He took the time to specially create your own DNA and place you on planet earth.  Outside circumstances come into our lives that are not marvelous, but it doesn’t change the fact that God wants us to move ahead. He wants to walk with us through the hard parts.  He thinks you are that important and now is the time to start believing it.

You have a gift to open this Christmas.  It is spelled with 4 letters - H O P E.  You can’t put a price on that.  It is the gift God wants to give you.

2. Don’t forget to take care of yourself!

When hopelessness threatens to swallow you do something for yourself that will encourage you. In times of despair for me I went to the library for books, went for a walk to think or pray, started to make a list of goals and dreams, or simply changed my furniture around.  You will find what is healthy just for you.

A friend gave me a journal book and I started to write down some thoughts and tried to put things in perspective.  Maybe it is time to set an appointment to see your medical doctor. Take care of YOU!  You are cherished by God who made you His treasure. The Psalmists continues to say in Psalm 139: 24b…”but lead me in the way that time has proven true.”  Grab hold of God’s heart. He really does care and wants to walk you through this. Hold on!

3. Don’t be exclusive!

One of the easiest things is to curl up and let the world around go on without us.  It feels like you can’t deal with anything.  I know. That is when you need to reach out for help.  I had to do that and now I am blessed with some good memories and some new dreams started. One Christmas when I was alone I helped at a dinner where people came who had nowhere to go.  It helped to reach out to others. In the quietness of your room allow yourself the freedom to grieve.  Just don’t stay there. It is ok to ask for help. Reach out.

Life can sometimes seem very low but don’t give up. There is always hope.  Circumstances may not change right away, but the gift of God’s hope and His peace is forever.

Psalm 119: 142-144 (CEV) “You will always do right, and your teachings are true.  I am in deep distress, but I love your teachings.  Your rules are always fair.  Help me to understand them and live”.

Today my body doesn’t feel like cement, and even though there are still scars and hurtful memories, they don’t control me. God has taken the deep distress of those hard days and did as He promised in His Word: “He always does right” and brings new life out of the broken pieces.

From my heart to yours, please never give up. There is hope.  Grab hold of it offered from the hand of God and watch your journey begin.

If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, God has given you the gift of His Holy Spirit who lives within you, to guide you and empower you to follow His ways in your life. Why not take a moment to pray this prayer and yield your life anew to God? He is faithful to keep His promises and desires for you to keep in step with His Spirit.

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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My daughter and I were flying to a family wedding in Pennsylvania and were waiting for a connecting flight in the Atlanta airport.

We sat and observed the people as they passed. Most were laughing and visiting with family and friends as they too, waited to catch their plane.

I watched as a lone figure passed in front of us. He took a seat across the aisle, placing a duffel bag at his feet. I studied him for a moment and my heart began to ache. He let his gaze drift above us.

I will never forget that solemn expression. It was a vacant, almost haunting look present in his eyes that somehow drew me to him repeatedly over the next few minutes.

He sat, staring almost without seeing, at the television in front of him. The channel was the news and I listened to the reporter’s words, telling about the war and fighting in Iraq. He sat quietly, absorbed in his own world unaware of the busy activity of the crowds.

Although people passed by him, even in front of him, his focus never drifted from the screen suspended from the ceiling. He appeared to be in his early to mid thirties and clean cut. His hair was neatly cropped and his face held no trace of whiskers. He was dressed in the traditional green army fatigues with laced up boots on his feet. From the thoughtful expression on his face, I could tell that he knew of what the reporter spoke of from a personal experience.

While I watched him, I felt God’s spirit whisper to me. Go, talk to him, the voice said. I sat in shock because of these words. I had not expected them.

I turned to look at my daughter and began small talk with her, hoping that the voice would leave. I didn’t know what to say to the young man, a complete stranger. Still, through our conversation, the nudging of God stirred me once again. But God, I began, trying to make excuses, I wouldn’t know what to say.

The feeling became stronger and I asked my daughter, “Do you see that soldier over there?” She let her eyes wander to where he was sitting and said, “Yes.” “God is telling me to go and talk to him and I don’t know why.” Without blinking an eye, she turned to look at me and promptly replied, “Well, then you’d better go.”

The force of her words jolted through me. I remember slowly rising to my feet, praying that God would give me the right words because at that moment I couldn’t remember my name, let alone know what to tell the man that had made no eye contact whatsoever with anyone. Making my way toward him, I sat on the vacant chair next to him. His eyes never left the screen in front as I asked quietly, “Coming or going?”

For the first time, he shifted slightly and turned, glancing over toward the people walking nearby.

“Coming.” he whispered softly.

“For how long?” I asked in the same quiet tone.

“Six weeks home and then I go back.”

“Where’s home?”

“Pittsburg, Pennsylvania.”

“Where are you stationed?”

“Iraq.”

I turned then to nod my head toward the television and asked, “Is it as bad as what they are saying?”

“Some areas, yes. But most are good and getting better. I wish they would report some of the good things we are doing so people can see our cause and why we are there.”

I let his words sink in a moment before I continued, “Were you in bad areas?”

“No, I was lucky.” I glanced at his name on his uniform and noticed it was Ryan*. I felt God prodding me once again and I quietly said his name.

“Ryan, can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” he said, letting his eyes drop to study the polished boots on his feet.

“Would it be alright if, when God brings you to my mind, I say a prayer for you and your family?” Something changed. He shifted, looked me directly in the eyes for the first time and smiled. Not a small, uncertain smile, but one that lit his whole face.

“Yes, of course. We would really appreciate it.”

“I will, and Ryan,” I told him before rising, “may God richly bless you and your family for serving and fighting for our country.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” he said, his eyes now filled with something more than that haunting look; they were filled with thankfulness, perhaps at the knowledge that someone cared and appreciated him.

I returned to my seat and felt the very presence of God surround me as I glorified Him. I had tears in my eyes and had to gather my composure before I could tell my daughter of what had happened. We watched as he boarded the plane and we followed a short time later. His eyes met mine as we took our seats and he smiled and nodded.

After we landed in Pittsburg, tears were present once again as we watched not only his joyful reunion with his wife and children, but witnessed his parents greet and embrace him. I was thankful that he had such a support system to return home to and once again I praised God.

It has been over two years and I still think of Ryan and pray for him and his family. I placed him in God’s care that day, knowing he could be in no better hands. I don’t know what impact, if any, that conversation at the airport had on him, but I know how it made a difference in my life.

A small act of obedience blessed me beyond measure. I had no idea what words I would say, but God gave me the right ones. I have found that if I take the first step, God will continue the journey. He gives us what we need, when we need it, if we are faithful to Him. That’s the hard part though, the first step.

If I had not been obedient, I would have missed out on the blessing of talking with a very special young man and of being able to pray for him and his family. God placed us at that airport that day, in the same terminal, and on the same plane for a reason. And that reason was to further His gospel of love.

*Names and placed have been changed

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Every morning debt stared us in the face. In addition to our regular jobs we have videography business.  We have humbly shared Christ and prayed with couples when filming their weddings.  Each time, watching them grow and reap a harvest while we remain bound by debt.

Two weeks after we got the foreclosure papers in the mail, my husband ended up in the hospital with complications caused by stress.  Still we pressed on believing that God would provide a way to keep this house.  We talked to foreclosure prevention counselors, we fasted, we prayed, we rebuked the enemy and pleaded with God to help us.  He did, but I never imagined the help would come in letting the house go.

I have watched my husband suffer from depression and respond in ways that damaged our marriage.  The stressful environment has caused me to snap on my children who’s only crime was acting their age.

When the phone call came and we found out the house was foreclosed after all we have been through, my husband and I sat down and laughed.  Have we cried too much?   Were we in denial?  No we are free. The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness there of.  God has a new place for us physically and spiritually.  No house, or job, or any amount of money is worth a broken family.  We are the righteousness of God and he has called us to live life more abundantly- John 10:10. I never thought I would be happy to move from this house.

By the Lord’s mercies, we are not consumed, because his compassion fails not.  I am convinced that this trial was sent to make us stronger, increase our ministry and glorify God through testimony.  He has a new home for us.  God has kept us and loved us through this entire process.  Even now as we have had to disclose the foreclosure to family and friends, I feel God’s love.  Rather than be ashamed, I try to focus on Mary and Martha, when they told Jesus, “If you would have been here, my brother wouldn’t have died.”  Jesus prayed and thanked God that others were standing by and afterwards performed a great miracle and resurrected Lazarus from the grave.

Remember, we can not be conformed to this world – Romans 12:1.  There is nothing on this earth that can satisfy me and make me whole like God.  When we wake up in the morning, He should be what we meditate on, because He has everything else in control.  God’s will came in a way that we didn’t expect but I welcome it and embrace it just the same.

As we pack our earthly possessions in this house and look for our new home, my family is covered in the peace and love of Christ. Although my address is changing, I am confident that “goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life: and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:6

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This doesn’t mean our circumstances change. Our only child remains sick in the hospital, the thread our marriage hangs on continues to splinter, and the hope we’ve held on to for years fades with increasing speed. Having prayed fervently about whatever issue you are facing too many times to count, it’s easy to feel your bank of patience depleting once again. On these days, let these reminders on the nature of patience be an encouragment to you as you continue to wait.

You are not alone in the waiting.

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” – Romans 8:22- 25 (New International Version)

Waiting is a common experience. All your brothers and sisters in faith, as well as all of creation know what it is like to wait on the Lord. Consider those who have waited before you: Job, David, a myriad of Prophets. There is plenty of encouragement in the Bible concerning a need for patience and those who have excelled in it. James 5:7, Colossians 1:10-12, Psalm 40:1 and Revelations 14:12 are just a few examples of the myriad of passages about the topic.

The New Bible Dictionary defines patience as “God given restraint in the face of opposition or oppression”. Patience is only needed when there is a reason to not wait. It is only necessary in the face of opposition. This is why seeking patience is in many senses a battle. The promise we can lean on here is that patience is God given restraint. The Lord is the one who provides us with spiritual armor to go into battle. We often think of patience as mere endurance, but such logic is faulty. We are not exercising restraint on our own strength. In truth, our only responsibility is to trust that God will provide the strength to hold on, and then act accordingly to our faith in that promise.

How is this strength given us?

We receive this strength by being filled with the Spirit. As Christians, we know that the ultimate source of patience lives within us. Our role is to trust that the Holy Spirit does live within us, and ask Him for strength to persevere in whatever situation we find ourselves in. This is a provision we can claim by faith as taught us in Romans 5:1-5.

Patience as listed in Galatians 5 is often called longsuffering. The original Greek word is makrothumio, meaning “long temper”. We are to keep a long and slow temper towards God, others and ourselves. This spiritual posture calls for grace. It is grace that compels us to trust God, grace that we can extend to others when they hurt us and grace to forgive ourselves when we stumble and fall.

The experience of waiting on God reminds us that our reality as Christians is not within our apparent circumstances, but rather in the truth of Christ’s love and life in us. This gives us hope as Romans 8:28 assures us that “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” It is not in our abilities to know the time or way in which God will work things out. Ecclesiastes 3:11 and Isaiah 55:8-9 are great reminders that these rest solely in the domain of God’s knowledge. Our role here is to trust the promise of Philippians 1:6 and wait with hope as God’s brings about to completion the good work He began in each of our lives.

What is our role in the battle?

Consider again the definition of patience as God given restraint. God allows us to access divine restraint, but it is our choice to accept it and act in willful obedience. Adam and Eve were given complete free will. They were gifted many provisions in the garden so they wouldn’t need to partake in the fruit that was forbidden. However, they chose to not exercise restraint and instead disobeyed God’s command. When we use God given restraint to wait on His will and timing, we renounce their fallen actions and step out in obedience towards God.

There is purpose in the process. Take a look at Hebrews 12:2. Waiting on God forces us to look to Him. It casts our eyes rightly to Christ as the source of our faith and the assurance of our salvation. It reminds us that Christ’s death and life is the reason we can be filled with and empowered by the Holy Spirit. Trials cause us to persevere by deepening our knowledge of God and relying on him more intentionally. As James 1:2-4 tells us it is here that a mature and complete faith is grown.

Standing patiently when we wait on the Lord does not mean being stuck at a standstill. Consider Ephesians 6 which instructs us to “put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then.” To hold ground by remaining obedient to the Lord while waiting is not passive. Note that the word stand is repeated three times. Patience is an act of the will to claim ground for the Kingdom of God, and is rewarded richly by Him. Revelations 3:10-11 tells us of God’s care for those who persevere through the battle.
Whether we feel we lack patience to wait on God, or to continue to love those that may be hard to love, we do in actuality have access to all the patience we need. We can trust God to give us the strength to bear our circumstances and instead use the time of waiting to grow in intimacy with the Lord.

Check out this interactive online study to explore how to develop God’s patient heart in your life.
Choose Patience: Whole-Hearted Enduring

Apparently John had pointed me out to his colleague, and said, “See that girl? I’m taking her home tonight.” He had a plan for me, and because I cooperated, it included a future, and a hope. It was supposed to last forever or at least until we were both in our nineties. However it ended 3 years ago when cancer took his body, and he started his new life in heaven way ahead of schedule.

Ever since I was a little girl I had hoped to be a teacher and to be married. Both of these dreams were realized very early on. Neither one was without its challenges, but they were both a very good fit for who I was. I loved being John’s wife, and I loved teaching people. I stopped teaching school when I was 26, but I found volunteer opportunities where I could teach adults, and I enjoyed that even more. Then, for the last 14 years, John and I had teamed up to bring marriage seminars to couples across Canada.

Living half a life

Soon after his passing, someone asked me, “Has a lot changed for you now?”

Without stopping to think, I answered, “Everything has changed!” At least that is how I felt. Did I still have a meaningful future? What was left to hope for?

John and I had both accepted the fact that when Jesus had died on the cross, he had done it so we could be freed to live forever with him in heaven. That future and that hope were a wonderful comfort. But for many months, the temptation was to believe that my real life here was over.

Since people soon wanted to know how I was coping, it was easy to conclude that learning to cope was essential. I had to keep earning a living, so I showed up at work. I had to have people in my life, so I kept going to church. I accepted pretty well every invitation that was extended to me . I lived one day at a time and even though it was like I was in a fog, doing only the “next thing” that I had to do, I felt I was coping quite well.

Joy and pain can co-exist

What I didn’t expect was that extreme pain and extreme joy could co-exist. I didn’t know that God also had his eye on me and he was going to court me so I would fall in love with him in a totally new way.

One day I awoke with a song on my mind. I wanted to know what it was, so I sang along with the melody. I realized that it was an old hymn. The words were, “Jesus will walk with me, He will talk with me, In joy or in sorrow, today or tomorrow, I know He will walk with me.” Overwhelmed, I wept at this message of his love, and also because of the love for God that swept over me in response.

Another day, I was listening to a speaker telling us to ask God some questions. He suggested, “Ask God how he sees you right now”. Again I was shocked by the unexpected, for immediately in my mind, I saw a visual of me in the shape of a heart, complete with eyes, arms and legs, but the heart was split almost in two, with jagged edges.

I kept puzzling about why this had occurred until one morning, two days later. I could almost hear God saying, ‘If you didn’t know it was broken, how could you ask me to heal it?’

“I don’t know,” I thought. “I just expected I would get better eventually. You know, the ‘time heals all wounds’ kind of thing.” Wounds do heal with time, but breaks don’t heal properly unless a physician attends to them and sets them first. Then came the question, “Do you want to be healed?”

What a good question! There were times later when I would think that dying might have been a better alternative. But I decided I did. “Yes.” God began that day by carefully putting his hands around my heart and holding the jagged edges together. Breaks, whether in the bone or in the heart, don’t heal without the touch of a physician. God is often referred to as “the Great Physician” and that day he set my heart so it could heal.

Finding a new “normal”

I knew that my life would never be “normal” again. Normal was living with John, laughing with him and eating meals at a table set for two. But in time there would be a new normal. There was hope that eventually I would stop feeling like a stranger in my own life.

Over a year later when I felt there was still so much weakness, I worked up the courage to ask God another question. I wondered if I had made any progress. The words that kept coming to me were, “You are exactly where you are supposed to be”. I was neither ahead or behind of God’s schedule. I was right where I was supposed to be. There is so much comfort in that. God had not forgotten me.

I was amazed. God wasn’t looking for my performance. I didn’t have to be super-widow. He didn’t want me to cope; to self-medicate my pain; or even to just wait for it to go away. He said he would take care of it, and he is doing that. My part is to let him.

Now at the end of my third year into this journey, he is showing me that I am not too bad at functioning alone. My car still runs, and I haven’t burned my house down. He is showing me that there is life after death. Like before, I sometimes take two steps forward and three steps back, but his amazing acceptance and his love gifts have not stopped. He has kept me safe and healthy, and six months ago he gave me a new granddaughter to love!

These words that I found on a card say it best. “It is when we cannot understand His purpose that we most need to know His love.” One of my favorite verses in the Bible is in the book of Jude 1:21 (LB) where it says, “Keep yourselves where God can love you.”

Do you know the Great Physician who sets broken hearts and holds them while they heal? And if you do, are you letting Him love You? If your world is crashing around you, if you look in the mirror and see and unfamiliar life staring back at you, there is hope.

Joy and pain can co-exist. You can find peace and even joy in midst of your circumstances by relying on the promises of Christ and beginning a personal relationship with Him.

Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27). When we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we will experience His peace in our lives. You can know this peace today.

You can know peace and hope tonight. There is a line in an old hymn that says “Let there be peace in the world and let it begin with me.” Whether that means peace on a worldwide scale or peace in your own heart, it can begin with you right now. John 3:16 tells us that God loves the world so much that He sent Jesus, His only Son, to die for us so that everyone who believes in Him can have everlasting life.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord, I need you now more than ever. I want your peace of mind. In the midst of my broken heart and my pain, I turn to you. Jesus, I ask you to forgive my sins and to give me your peace and comfort. I open the door of my life and put my trust in you.

If you sincerely expressed that prayer to God, you can know that you have a personal relationship with Him. He will be your comfort in these troubled times. God promises us “peace that passes understanding” in other words peace in a world that doesn’t make sense. You can know peace and hope even when your world is in turmoil. God does not change. Ever.

“We can’t find a heartbeat. I’m sorry, your baby is gone.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing – there obviously had been some crazy mistake. At first I thought they must be in the wrong room. I felt sorry for that poor woman next door – I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes right now. Or maybe it was the ultrasound. These machines malfunction all the time.

I could still feel my baby moving and we had listened to the heartbeat just that morning. Why did this stubborn doctor keep insisting that my child was dead. I was angry that he was upsetting my husband, who was already so worried. I had to make him understand.

“Check it again! Check it again!” I screamed.

The nurse wheeled the doppler machine over to the bed and squirted the cold jelly on my swollen belly. When we heard a faint thump-thump-thump I was so relieved – but the nurse shook her head. It was my own pulse we were hearing, not the rapid swishing sound I had come to love. There was only silence.

It finally hit me – my baby was dead.

All the hopes and dreams that I had for him were gone in that instant. I have no words to describe the pain, the utter despair I felt then. I had always told myself that bad things happen to good people and someday I would be put to the test. I guess I didn’t really believe it though, because I was so surprised. It had never occurred to me that I might lose this baby.

He was our first child. After four years of wise and slightly less-than-patient waiting on both our parts we were ready to build a family. When we saw that pink line on the test stick we danced around our basement apartment like a couple of idiots. We wrapped up one pink bootie and one blue bootie and sent them to each of our parents.

Waiting for baby

Then began the wait – it seemed interminable. Everyone kept saying how the time would fly by – but to me it slowed to a crawl. Before long I had far more maternity clothes than regular outfits. We even began to pack for our move into a new house.

I gave no more than a passing thought to the concerns my husband had about my defective left kidney. After all it hadn’t worked most of my life and the doctors assured us that it was not a problem. Even when my blood pressure climbed we were told to relax. My right kidney function was excellent and I was being closely monitored. This defective kidney was little more than a nuisance. In fact we learned that even in a kidney transplant doctors will leave the old kidneys in.

It was our last week in the basement suite and I had just entered my sixth month when I began passing blood. Remembering our panicked trip to the ER just 2 weeks earlier with severe abdominal pains I was embarrassed to return. I had felt so silly to be sent home with what was probably indigestion, but this seemed to be an awful lot of blood.

Here we go again! I couldn’t believe this is happening now. We are moving that week and I still had a lot of packing to do. This was going to be one of my busiest weeks at work. I hoped they wouldn’t keep me in the hospital long.”

I was admitted that evening and started on a course of antibiotics for what was most likely a kidney infection. The next day each doctor who examined me had a new theory. Perhaps it was kidney stones. Or maybe it was a clot wash – rare, but not unheard of.

After a few hours of agony in the night and a small blood transfusion I began to feel much better. In fact the doctors began to talk about sending me home. We called all our friends and family with the good news. That morning I listened to my baby’s heartbeat for the last time.

This isn’t the way it was suppose to be

The days that followed are a blur – pain, my mom’s voice on the phone, a nurse holding my hand, our pastor praying for us, the pain when I cried, my husband’s worried face . . . I still “felt” the baby move. It was most likely bladder spasms or the very common “phantom kicks” often associated with in utero death.

A Cat Scan revealed what the doctors had no way of knowing- my kidney was bleeding profusely. It was not draining properly – so while everything appeared to be clearing up, in fact the blood was pooling in my kidney. As it filled up it began to expand, putting pressure on all my organs and my womb.

I was scheduled for surgery immediately. Before being wheeled away I received my 7th unit of blood. The doctor took my husband aside and explained that the kidney was a ticking time bomb which could rupture at any time – it was already approximately the size of a basketball.

I wasn’t afraid, in fact I didn’t really think much of it – I just wanted it all to be over. Less than a week after surgery I was wheeled up to Labor and Delivery. The next morning at 9:10 a.m. I gave birth to my son Noah William Hoos – 1 lb. 6 oz. and perfectly formed. It was the most bittersweet moment as I held his tiny body close to mine!

“I love you so much my precious boy! I can’t wait to meet you someday! I am so sorry this happened!”

Where do we go from here?

I find it difficult to explain what I am going through. Grief, for me, comes in waves. It appears unexpectedly and sweeps through my soul. There are times when I had a smile on my face, I may say that I am fine, I may even convince myself that it is true, but just around the corner lurks another wave of sadness.

I am tossed like the ocean – pounding waves and crashing surf, yet only a few miles below the surface the deep waters are still and calm. Beneath the turmoil I have an abiding peace. It is what the Bible calls “a peace that passes understanding.” It doesn’t make any human sense to feel that peace right now – but I do. I know that everything will be okay. I know that I am not alone.

As a child I made the decision to trust Jesus Christ with my whole life. I did not understand everything about Him and I still do not, but I knew that He loved me and I believed that only He could take care of me. It was not very eloquent, but I meant every word when I prayed:

“Dear Jesus, I want to go to heaven when I die. I know that I do lots of bad things and I am not good enough on my own. Please forgive me. Come into my heart and stay with me always. Thank you for dying in my place. Amen.”

Because of this simple prayer, said so many years ago, not only do I have a peace that could only come from God, but I have hope. I know that one day I will see my baby boy again and what is even more amazing – one day I will see God face to face. I do not need to worry about my future, because it does not depend on what I do. Jesus has earned my place in heaven – all I had to do was ask.
The Bible says “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed . . . Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16)

Epilogue

It has been more than 5 years since I wrote this article about my firstborn son. Many people would be surprised at how much I still miss him. There have been times of struggle, of anger and hurt. Especially when our son Simon was also stillborn. Yet again, there was God himself walking beside me.

Life is so unfair and I don’t understand the “whys” of it all. But I do know that God is faithful, no matter how I feel in the moment. I am convinced that He is the answer.

Since many people have asked, yes, we have had other children. Noah has 3 little sisters here on earth. They are a blessing and a gift. I wonder if hearts that grieve do not have an even greater capacity for joy.

2. Find someone trustworthy and non-judgmental to listen to your story. Having someone listen and understand is a powerful part of healing. Journaling prayers to God, crying with a trusted friend, or seeking help from a qualified counselor are all effective.

3. Let yourself feel the pain. We all want to skip this part. Even Jesus prayed to the Father asking to skip the cross (Matthew 26:39). Yet the pain Jesus endured because of our sin was part of God’s plan. Often, we’d prefer to be angry because it hurts less. However, forgiveness requires allowing ourselves to feel and express the pain caused by others’ actions.

4. Know that some of your feelings will be ugly. It doesn’t help to tell yourself that you “shouldn’t feel that way.” The fact is you do feel that way. Facing the truth before God is the beginning of freedom (John 8:32).

5. Make an honest assessment of your reaction to the harm done to you. Often our reactions are as sinful as the offense against us. This awareness will help you keep a realistic perspective as you wade through your feelings.

6. Decide whether you want to confront the offender. The rule of thumb I use is simple. If it’s a relationship I want to preserve, I make the effort. If not, I let it go. We all have finite amounts of emotional energy. It isn’t wise to spend it in unprofitable places. Prayer will help clarify your decision.

7. Understand that human forgiveness takes time. Sometimes it takes years. Meanwhile, hold in mind your goal: to forgive and be forgiven. Jesus makes both steps possible.

1. Christians will face trials

James 1:1-12 issues a serious challenge to every believer. The first thing we should notice is James’s assurance in verse 2 that all Christians will in fact face trials of many kinds. The author leaves no room for doubt; he alludes to “when you encounter various trials,” which indicates the inevitability of such ordeals. Therefore, we should not ask how we can avoid trials–because we cannot–but rather we should ask God to show us how to deal with them when they appear.

The second thing we should notice in verse 2 is the seemingly ridiculous instruction to “count it all joy” whenever hardships assault our lives. This is a preposterous statement; trials and joy simply do not go together. Tears, discouragement, disillusionment, despair . . . these are the things that we associate with trials. But joy? James must have known that this would be a contradiction to our natural human reasoning; so, there must be an answer beyond what we perceive.

In James 1:5, in the midst of a discussion on trials, the author seems to change the subject mid-stream. He has just explained how trials produce spiritual endurance and maturity, and then he says, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God . . . and it will be given to him.”

Rather than switching topics, James is actually making a consistent argument regarding trials. In order for us to be able to “count it all joy” in the face of trials, we must view the matter from God’s perspective. This is what wisdom does. Beyond simply understanding God’s reasoning, we also must actively apply that wisdom. When we do this, we become more able to evaluate people and circumstances and are thus better prepared to make sound decisions.

A primary function of wisdom is to help us discern the source of our trials. Discovering the source is very helpful in understanding God’s purpose in each hardship. Sometimes, our trials come from making wrong decisions ourselves. These occasions are tough realizations because these are times when we cannot blame the problem on anyone else.

2. Trials come in the form of persecution

A second source of trials is the persecution of others. As we strive to live in a godly manner, Satan will begin looking for new ways to attack us. One effective assault is through other people sent to hurt, mock, or distract us.

3. We live in a sinful world

Another uncontrollable source is the simple fact that we live in a fallen world. There are earthquakes, floods, disease, suffering, war, and hardship in the world today that cannot be prevented.

A troublesome issue for many people is that, regardless of their specific source, God allows each and every trial that we encounter. Beyond that, He sometimes sends the trials Himself. This is why James instructs believers to ask God for wisdom in the midst of their hardship. Wisdom enables us to clearly see the source of the trial, and when we know the source, we are better prepared to evaluate, handle, and grow through the specific issue.

Understanding God and trials

Once we understand the source, we need wisdom to enable us to discern the purpose for the trials. In this, wisdom helps us to question the heart of God by asking, “Lord, why have you allowed this? What would you have me learn through this?”

Some people are not comfortable with the idea of asking God “why?” I assure you, though, that you will not disturb God at all by asking Him any question you wish. The fact is we need to ask Him why certain trials happen, because we want to extract as much good from our suffering as possible.

• First, God allows our trials in order to test our faith.
  This is made perfectly clear in James 1:3, “Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” The word “testing” here means to be tested and found proven; that is, God is testing our faith in order to prove its strength.

  Unproven, untried faith is practically worthless. How do you know what you can face in life if your faith has not been tested? 1 Peter 1:6-7 explains this valuable aspect, “In this you greatly rejoice . . . you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith . . . may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

  The testing of our faith produces spiritual maturity, which leads to endurance. This enables us to withstand any assault, no matter what form the trials take. Being tested by God strengthens us so that we can face trial after trial and still endure.

• Second, God allows our trials in order to test our devotion to Jesus Christ. True devotion demands that we follow Jesus faithfully, regardless of our circumstances. Will you obey Him when you do not understand why bad things are happening? Will you obey Him when things are not going your way? These things are discovered during periods of trial and testing.

• Third, God allows trials in order to purify our lives. Trials have a way of putting pressure on us in the most secret parts of our being, bringing hidden sins, bad habits, and areas of neglect to the surface. These things must be dealt with in order to become the mature Christians God wants us to be.

• Fourth, our trials give God an opportunity to demonstrate His sustaining power for His children in tough times. This is an amazing testimony to unbelievers, who may witness you going through a horribly difficult situation while still maintaining the peace of the Holy Spirit.

• Fifth, a major purpose for our trials is to produce Christ-like character within us. Our trials reveal to us that we cannot live the Christian life apart from Him. This means that the Christian life is not made up of different “good things” that we do, but is actually Jesus Christ living in and through each one of us. This requires our total surrender to His will, so that our reactions to stress, trial, and suffering are actually His reactions lived out through our lives.

• Finally, trials equip us for service in the kingdom of God for the sake of others. Second Corinthians 1:4 makes this point clear, “[God] comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” Therefore, God is using our trials to make us more useful in helping others.

By fully understanding and identifying with someone else’s pain, we will be able to reach out to them in a way in which someone else may be unprepared for. The key to this type of service is simply knowing first hand what the other person is going through. If we have been through it ourselves, we will have an intimate understanding of what the hurting individual needs.

As we have seen, wisdom’s true value comes in its application. With that in mind, take a moment to review ten ways that a right understanding of God’s purposes for trials might lead us to the right response.

1. We must be persuaded that God is in control of the timing and intensity of our trials.
2. We must realize that God has a specific purpose for each trial in life.
3. We must understand that each trial is designed to meet a specific need that God sees in our lives.
4. We must accept that each trial is going to result in our own good if we respond in faith.
5. We must discover how each trial can strengthen our faith by proving that we can depend on the Lord for all of our needs.
6. We must rejoice in that each trial is an opportunity for God to demonstrate His power to sustain us under tremendous pressure.
7. We must submit ourselves to the development of Christ-like character that results from our trials.
8. We must take advantage of our trials’ usefulness in measuring our spiritual growth. For example, we may realize that we are capable of handling a powerful hardship that would have crippled us only a year or two ago. This is because our continuing trials have taught us that God will indeed empower us to prevail.
9. We must be convinced that God will walk us through every step of the trial(Hebrews 13:5).
10. We must have faith that by His grace and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, we will not only survive, but we will also conquer over each trial.

If you are a child of God, you have the means by which to stand firm in the face of any trial. Trust that God has a reason for your sufferings, and submit yourself to whatever He desires to teach you. The road may be rocky, but a wise response will lead you into the joy He has promised.

Copyright © IN TOUCH MINISTRIES. IN TOUCH Magazine. Used with permission. All rights reserved.

Kim Haller’s life seemed picture perfect – as a well-rounded teenager, she won a teen beauty pageant, and eventually went on to marry a professional hockey player, with whom she is raising two beautiful daughters. Recently she even embarked on a career in music. She had been a believer all her life, but happiness eluded her … that is, until she learned the key to living the Spirit-filled life.

Growing up on the family acreage north of Three Hills, Alberta, Kim Schimke was, in her own words, “a total farm girl.” She loved roaming the wide open country on horseback and helped her brother raise purebred Charlois cattle. While country living afforded marvelous freedom, it also provided early lessons in responsibility. Along with regular chores, Kim learned to take over the feeding of a threshing crew during harvest time, preparing dinner before she left for school in the morning. There was plenty of work, but the energetic girl seemed to love every minute. There was little time to plan for the next day, let alone wonder what life had in store down the road…

The beginning of faith

Errol and Joann Schimke worked hard to pass on a strong spiritual heritage to their children. At the age of five, Kim invited Jesus into her life and throughout thirteen years of Christian schooling at Prairie Bible Institute, was given a sound moral and scriptural grounding. “I should have been established in my faith and ready to fight the battles that life would bring,” says Kim, “But I wasn’t. I just took life as it happened and never really thought deeply about things. My prayer life was a one-way street, and whenever I tried to read the Bible through, I would get halfway into Genesis and become preoccupied with other things. I had learned to trust in myself, in my abilities and my family to make life as comfortable as possible.”

A born leader and natural athlete, Kim loved to sing and grew into a self-assured, adventure-loving teen. Noticing an advertisement in the local paper, her mother encouraged her to enter a pageant in a nearby city. Here was a wonderful opportunity to meet people and get involved in something new. Weeks of preparation and training paid off. Crowned Miss Teen Red Deer, Kim entered an exciting world of public appearances and modeling opportunities – a young girl’s dream. Soon she was off to Toronto for the Miss Teen Canada pageant. Though she finished second runner-up, the pageant was about to change her life.

In Regina, Saskatchewan, a young hockey player sat glued to the TV screen. Recognizing one of the contestants as a girl from his own hometown, 19-year-old Kevin Haller determined to make the acquaintance of this tall, dark-haired tenth grader.

Back home that summer he persuaded a friend to arrange a meeting and soon the pair were inseparable. When Kevin began his professional hockey career with the Buffalo Sabers, however, they suddenly found themselves in a long-distance relationship. To a young woman in love, the separation and repeated goodbyes were anything but welcome. “I really didn’t think about hockey or a glamorous lifestyle,” Kim remembers. “I just wanted us to be together.”

Anxiety and loneliness

Three months before their wedding in June of 1992, Kevin joined the Montreal Canadians and the small town girl soon found herself 3,000 miles from home in a large city where almost everyone spoke another language. With her husband on the road, Kim withdrew into their 16th floor apartment, grappling with loneliness and anxiety.

To fill the lonely hours, she enrolled in some classes, involved herself in the team’s charity events, and was soon working full-time. Finding enough to do was no longer a problem. But at night rest eluded her as frustration and anger over her circumstances began to eat away at her peace of mind.

When Kim discovered she was pregnant, new anxieties took over. Would childbirth be too difficult? Would the baby be all right? On the day Kim went into labor, Kevin received word that he had been traded. And soon after baby Mikayla arrived, the Hallers left their Canadian apartment for a hotel in Philadelphia where they lived out of a suitcase for almost a year. Swept helplessly along in the current of events, Kim was determined to take back control of her life. She would become the perfect mother, attending to her baby’s every want. But Mikayla’s allergies made her a fussy child and Kim was soon suffering from lack of sleep, severe emotional fatigue and repeated infections.

As stress continued to build, the panic attacks began and Kim was caught in a web of fear and confusion as her physical and emotional health declined. After the birth of their second daughter a doctor recommended an antidepressant for severe post-partem depression. Kim refused. “I still believed that I could manage life on my own,” she remembers, “that I could control circumstances and keep everything together. I’d been a Christian for years, but had never moved beyond my salvation experience into a close, personal walk with Jesus. I had faith in the Lord to save me from sin, but didn’t know Him well enough to believe that He could care for all the details of my life.”

Ever the optimist, Kevin encouraged his wife to look on the bright side, but it was impossible for him to fathom the depth of her struggle. Things went from bad to worse. Kim stopped eating and was soon suffering from malnutrition. Sure that a change of circumstances would drive the misery away, she begged to move closer to her family. But a few weeks later they were transferred further east. What was God doing?

Depression lifts

Back home that Christmas, the festivities could not lift the depression hovering over Kim. While rocking little Madison to sleep late one night, she sat staring at the bottle of Prozac in her hand. Was this the only choice left? Tears flowed by the hour as the desperate young mother rocked back and forth, singing hymns and begging God for strength to go on.

“Something finally prompted me to open my Bible,” she recalls. “I started at Matthew and as I read, somehow my merciful Heavenly Father gave me a piece of hope to cling to in my darkness.” The next day Kim returned to the comforting pages and found herself experiencing a calmness she had never known. Soon there were not enough hours in the day to satisfy her thirst.

“Kim Haller, as I knew her, was gone,” she says. “The Lord began to show me what complete surrender was all about. Galatians 2:20 became a reality: ‘I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.’ The Lord was growing me up, embracing me with His love as I ran into His arms.”

For the first time Kim was beginning to understand faith and how to live it. “I believe there are times when God wants us to walk alone with Him and stop looking to everyone else to meet our needs. I wanted a doctor or my husband or my parents to give me the answers, but the answers were in the Word of God. The cure was trusting in Jesus to carry my burdens and make my load light.”

When Kevin was traded to North Carolina, Kim began to discover the joy of deep friendships with other godly women. “God wrapped His arms around me through their love,” she remembers fondly, “and gave me an opportunity to rest and grow.”

A test of faith

As the Hallers were finishing their vacation this past summer, however, the phone rang. Kevin had been traded once again. Instead of returning home, they were to head west to California. Kim struggled as she arranged long distance for friends in North Carolina to pack and sell the house. “The hardest part of being traded was saying goodbye to those dear friends so abruptly, but looking back, I thank God for such a difficult, yet fruitful time in my life. James 1:2-4 sums it up best: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face troubles of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

“I feel like a toddler who has just grown enough to peek up over the edge of the counter. God has given me a glimpse of His goodness and power and shown me that He never intended for His children to live as helpless victims of the enemy. Kevin and I believe God has placed us in the world of professional hockey to share His love and I am eager to see what He will accomplish as we learn to lean on Him.”

Where Kim is today

The Lord has continued to draw Kim through these and other experiences to greater trust and faith through these and other experiences. Getting to know His perfect love and care for her has led her to a deeper surrender of her right to herself, knowing that His sovereign plan is better than any dream she could hope to fulfill. All this said though, the surrender issue is one she revisits often. “Taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ requires moment by moment laying down my agenda in exchange for intimate relationship with my Lord,” she says. “The challenge is in giving this relationship its rightful place in our full, overflowing schedules.”

Kim is privileged to wear the hat of child of God, wife, mother, home-school teacher, chief cook and bottle-washer to name a few. She has also welcomed a new role of speaker/singer, when God opened up an opportunity to share her love for Him through song on a Christian contemporary album. God’s fingerprints can clearly be seen throughout the process of birthing a ministry she never expected.

“It has been one leap of faith after another as I am continually reminded of my inadequacies and weaknesses, but it is an absolute joy and gift to be about my Father’s business.”

“So we are embracing the journey itself, passing through the seasons of life where change is required and often difficult. Oswald Chambers once said that “everything of worth and excellence is difficult”. James 1:2-10 encouraged me recently to consider it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds because when I have persevered, the result is maturity and completeness, lacking nothing. I am excited for the opportunities the Lord is bringing to share the reasons for the hope within me through word and song. Like the title track of the album, our hearts’ cry remains “I’ll always trust in You, so take me Lord…wherever”.”

What about you? Are you just taking life as it happens, trying to manage it on your own? Or are you experiencing an intimate walk with Jesus? The truth is that He cares for you and all the details of your life. He is waiting for you to fully surrender your life to Him.

If you accepted Christ as your Savior, He has given you His Holy Spirit to help you and encourage you as you live your life for His glory. In John 14:26 Jesus said to His followers, “The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Why not take a moment right now to pray a simple prayer and ask God to empower you with His Holy Spirit?

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, we would love to hear about it!

Used by permission of Servant magazine, a ministry of Prairie Bible Institute.