I’d been praying for a husband for a long time.

I revealed this request to a married friend, but she remarked, “You should be content no matter the circumstances,” then addressed how Hannah was wrong Hannah to “bargain with and try to manipulate” God.

I disagreed with her interpretation of Hannah, because her prayer seemed heartfelt and honest, and even as much as she wanted a child, it was not an, “If you do this, I’ll do this, God,” kind of bargain. She was simply making her requests known to her Lord, whom she knew personally and deeply.

That’s what I wanted to do with my request for a husband, but I also agreed with my friend that I should be content no matter what my circumstances. But was my request rooted in a lack of contentment?

In Philippians 4, the Apostle Paul talked about contentment. “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances,” he wrote. (Philippians 4:11) Yet Paul suffered through many hard times. He was imprisoned unjustly, and also he endured an unknown, constant physical affliction. And still he insisted he was content. The word he uses comes from the Greek “autarkace,” meaning to be satisfied with one’s lot or means independent of external circumstances.

So how does this compare with today’s Christian, especially those living in an increasingly materialistic world?

As humans, we’re born with an insatiable hunger for more. Children want more toys, different toys, bigger toys. When we grow up, we want nicer cars, more clothes, and exotic travel. If we’re single, we want to be married, if married we want children, if we live in an apartment, we want a house. Whatever it is, we have a propensity to want more and more. If you think, “I’ll be happy when/if (fill in the blank),” then that’s not true contentment.

Instead, we can actually take a lesson from Hannah, and ask God to change our circumstances, yet trust Him regardless of the outcome.

In a sense, true contentment is simply a matter of trust—trusting in God despite our situation, and accepting and finding satisfaction in whatever He gives us.

Even in my fervent prayers for a husband, I began to discover that contentment wasn’t really about getting what I wanted, but it was more a matter of changing my perspective to want what God gave me. More than that, it is about putting my confidence in the God who holds the whole world in His hand. Being content requires that we trust that God knows what He’s doing. (And He does!) Giving thanks in all circumstances helps us be, even the ones we don’t like. It’s an attitude, a choice.

Real contentment comes when we stand back and say to ourselves, “I don’t need this to be happy.”

But none of this happens without being confident in the Lord and His plan. Reading the Bible daily has made all the difference for me. It helps me get to know the Lord and continually aligns me with His will and reminds me that He can be trusted no matter the circumstances.

I didn’t like turning 30 without a diamond on my left ring finger. If I would have had my way, I would have gotten married at 21. But I knew that God had it under His control. I still hoped. I still prayed. My journals are jammed with prayers for a husband.

Similarly, friends of mine were unable to have children for a long time. They conceived and miscarried. They conceived a second time and lost the unborn baby again. Then they conceived yet again, and finally had a son. A few years after John was born, they miscarried again. They want more children, but to interact with them for any amount of time, you would think that all they ever wanted was their one child. They are satisfied with one. They delight in the one. Yes, they want more children, and they are honest about it—but they are enjoying the gift of a son that God has given them. They pray for more, but they know that God has a plan for their lives and that they are walking in it.

As they follow God, they understand that though they are not getting exactly what they want, God uses the trials and hardships to draw them—and us—closer to Him and make us more like Him.

Being content is not dependent on God’s provisions, material or otherwise—it’s consciously choosing to believe God.

The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “I am always content with what happens, for what God chooses is better than what I choose.”

I’ve been to a handful of the poorest countries in the world. I’ve seen people who did not know where their next meal would come from or if they’d have one, and yet, they often had a joyful spirit. They take care of their meager stash of belongings, and they love and value people. One family I met lives on the same amount in a year as what a middle-class American earns in a week. Yet, the middle class is often dissatisfied in life, wanting more.

For everything we have, we are simply stewards of it as a gift from God. Our money is His. Our cars are His. Our families are His. Everything that “belongs” to us really belongs to God. We deserve nothing and everything we do receive is a gift from God.

Including my husband.

For more than 10 years, I waited and hoped and prayed for a spouse. I understood the limitations of modeling Hannah’s prayer—just because God gave her a son (and later a full quiver) wasn’t a promise that He’d give me a husband. I simply wanted to make the desires of my heart known to my God.

And although God may not have brought Kevin into my life when I wanted Him to, I learned a bit about true contentment in the time of waiting.

Related reading:
Online interactive life study: Struggling with Contentment
Are you experiencing the Spirit-filled life?

Four steps to winning the war against temptation

Pornography is progressive; what starts as a glimpse becomes a gawk. It follows the law of diminishing returns – whet the appetite and we want more.

No seven-year-old chooses an XXX-rated movie at the video store. It starts smaller, wearing down convictions a little at a time. Therefore, any form of compromises is serious.

Here are some practical tips to fight the battle against pornography:

• Build a shield
  When Fred Stoeker found a Playboy magazine on top of a hotel ice machine, he considered the risks of one little compromise. He began to weigh the pros and cons in his mind – he was on a business trip; his wife would never know. Should he look at it or not? Then Fred recalled a Scripture memory verse, or as he calls it a shield verse: “Flee from sexual immorality…. You are not your own; you were bought with a price.  Therefore, honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NIV).

Fred realized, “I have no right to even consider looking at it. I haven’t the authority.” Memorizing Scripture to help combat the temptation to lust has aided him many times.

• Bounce your eyes
  Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey wrote Every Man’s Battle to help Christian men fight against lust and pornography. “If we define lusting as staring open-mouthed until drool pools at your feet, then a glance isn’t the same as lusting,” they write. “But if we define lusting as any look that creates a chemical high, that little pop, then we have something a bit more difficult to measure.”

  So train yourself to “bounce your eyes.” In other words, discipline your eyes to immediately look away from anything that might cause lust. The authors of Every Man’s Battle compare bouncing the eyes to yanking a hand away from a hot stove. “Not only did I train my eyes to bounce away from (sensual) ads, I also trained myself not to pick them up in the first place,” Fred explains.

  That’s key. If we seriously desire to prevent or stop a pornography problem, we must not allow ourselves to even look at it. Don’t buy the romance novels. Throw away the movies with scenes that might cause your mind to go where it shouldn’t. And don’t linger on the lingerie ads. Recognize the sources of “that little pop” and avoid it whatever causes it.

• Be accountable
  If you are serious enough about fighting temptation, you need to admit that you can’t trust yourself. So ask someone else to call you into account, to make sure you’re living according to God’s ways. “We must establish at least one to three supportive relationships for the purpose of accountability,” writes Russell Willingham in his book Breaking Free. “Without accountability we will be…unable to control our behavior.”

  The Bible puts it this way: “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28:13, NIV).

  Rob Andrescik, editor of New Man magazine, subscribes to Covenant Eyes, an Internet accountability program. The program sends Ron’s accountability partner a regular e-mailed report listing every single web site he visits. “When you know your accountability partner is going to see where you’ve been surfing,” says Rob, “it has a way of sucking the life out of temptation.”

• Be authentic
  While Gene served as an associate pastor, his tinkering with pornography escalated into a full-scale sexual addiction. Eventually his secret did get out and he was appropriately fired from his church. Yet not everybody close to Gene knew. He recoiled at the thought of being completely open with his friends. “My life continued to deteriorate until the day I visited a pastor friend,” Gene says. “Without having planned it, I confessed my deepest secrets to him, pouring out my failure and guilt. I was certain that he would loathe and reject me.”

  The other pastor came around his desk toward Gene. “I almost expected him to strike me in outrage,” he says. Instead, he pulled Gene into his arms, hugged him and wept over him. He didn’t validate the sin that Gene was entrenched in, but he catapulted the healing process. “There in that office, for the first time in my life, I understood that God loved me, because this friend showed me.”

  Being real and vulnerable with others – along with accountability, bouncing the eyes and memorizing Scripture – helps equip us in the spiritual battle. And this is a spiritual battle. “Christians who use pornography are attempting to satisfy legitimate needs for love, both human and divine – and satisfying legitimate needs for love, both human and divine – and satisfying neither kind,” writes Russell Willingham. “But the deception that perfect fulfillment is just one magazine or video away keeps us coming back,”

So as we fight the battle, we need to begin by seeking God for our satisfaction. We need to find our pleasure in Him.

Pornography may be a lifelong temptation. But if we’re equipped to battle it properly, we don’t have to lose the war. God will give us the strength we need to fight. And win.

Helping your husband battle pornography
Protect your kids from internet dangers

Relate to the Lord as freely as a friend.

Over Christmas vacation, my old high-school friends and I reunited at Jenny’s house. After completing our undergraduate degrees, we’d all gone different directions and now looked forward to catching up. We knew Shannon and Divine had just gotten engaged, so the rest of us took turns asking about their wedding plans. Sunny, a newlywed, offered a tip on choosing caterers and photographers. Celeste explained that she hadn’t spent much time or money coordinating those kind of details, yet pulled off her wedding well and really enjoyed the day. The rest of us reminisced about how other brides forced us to pay way too much for our dresses, and cautioned the soon-to-be brides to avoid making the same mistake.

We all chipped in with our opinions about nuptial do’s and don’ts, each contributing a memory, idea, question or comment. We chatted about the various aspects of matrimony—from honeymoon spots to wedding-cake flavors—for about an hour. No one preached a 15-minute monologue on the topic, nor did anyone suddenly change the subject to something unrelated. We talked about the various aspects of marriage until the subject was exhausted.

Likewise, group prayer—when seen as a discussion between two or more people and God—can have the same flavor. “Conversational” prayer focuses on worship of our Savior, intercession for ourselves and others, confession of sin, and thankfulness to God. Each prayer is brief. As in a normal conversation between friends or family members, no one person monopolizes the discussion, but each one contributes a few sentences at a time. Those who are praying change the subject naturally when necessary, and they accept silence.

Some believers dread prayer meetings. Perhaps they’ve lost interest during meetings where each person prayed a monologue covering everything on the list. Or maybe they’ve gotten bored when one person prayed on a subject until he’d covered everything, then the next person prayed on a completely different subject for several minutes, and the third person continued the pattern.

People not praying might “zone out,” plan their grocery lists or dream about the next event in their Day-Timer. Group prayer need not be like that and, with conversational prayer, doesn’t have to be. Monologues have no part in this type of prayer. One person brings up a subject, and others contribute.

For conversational prayer to really work, the people praying should all be acquainted with each other—they need not be dear friends, but it helps to at least have met others in the group.

For example:

Adam: We love you, Lord. Thank You for being here.

Barbara: Yes, Father. We praise Your name.

Christy: Thank You for friendships.

Dan: Jesus, I especially thank You for my friendship with Josh. I pray that he comes to know You personally, and soon.

Adam: I agree, Lord. I ask that You will use me and Dan in Josh’s life in any way You see fit to bring You glory.

Elizabeth: Lord God, I confess that lately I’ve been ashamed to tell my unbelieving friends about You.

Christy: Jesus, assure Elizabeth of Your forgiveness.

Dan: Extend Your grace to her, and use her in a mighty way. Remind her daily of Your love.

Notice from the example that each prayer is short and specific. As Rosalind Rinker, author of Conversational Prayer writes, “Hidden in that simplicity is the sharp edge of the Holy Spirit piercing our carefully shielded complacency and privacy.”

Not only was each prayer brief and precise, but also personal. Elizabeth confessed her own sin, rather than conceding that Christians don’t tell others about Jesus often enough. “Be honest in prayer,” advises Vonette Bright, author of Learn How You Can Help Change the World Thru Prayer. “Say ‘I’ when you mean ‘I,’ say ‘we’ when you mean ‘we.’” Once Elizabeth took responsibility for her sin, the others validated her.

Vonette recommends that Christians pray short, concise prayers so as not to intimidate new believers or newcomers at the prayer meeting. Often she challenges people to pray six-word prayers. That way, all can participate, no one looks more “spiritual” than another and everyone feels comfortable. She and Rinker encourage praying through predetermined categories.

For example, the group might begin by thanking God for one thing that happened in the past week. Then they pray for a friend who does not know the Lord. And so on.

“Revealing personal need breaks down barriers between people and removes masks,” explains Rinker. “There is an immediate outgoingness. Anxiety and guilt are relieved. Someone cares.”

We were created to pray. God designed us to be relational beings. When we converse among friends, we talk about deep issues, laugh, fight for airtime and thoroughly enjoy ourselves. The same ought to be true of meeting with God. It should set our hearts free.

Reprinted with permission from Worldwide Challenge, the award-winning magazine of Campus Crusade for Christ.

Most of us are not bold enough to reject a phone call from a royal, let alone a friend or loved one, simply to spend time alone with God. But what if we scheduled one day away from the hubbub of life to spend with Him? Leave the briefcase and cell phone at home, and make ourselves completely unreachable to everyone but God.

Ryan Smith, an American missionary with Campus Crusade for Christ in Malaga, Spain, steals away twice a year for that very purpose.

He gathers his current and past journals, his Bible and maybe a Christian book he’s reading. Then he catches a bus to Fuengirola, a city on the Mediterranean Sea. There, Ryan sprawls on a beach sprinkled with seashells about the size of his palm, and spends a day of solitude with the Almighty. He reflects on his past months of ministry, reads his Bible, prays and records what he’s learning.

“I look at the example of Christ, because He was constantly doing ministry,” Ryan says. “Crowds came after Him, and He escaped to be with the Father. He needed time with the Father. I figure if it’s good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me.”

Throughout Jesus’ ministry, and, indeed, before His crucifixion, He captured extended amounts of time to kneel before the Father, modeling the discipline of solitude.

Meeting with the Lord routinely for small blocks of time is an essential spiritual practice every day. Similarly, couples go on dates, but for an anniversary the couple may chisel time out of their routine to celebrate in a special way. Consider applying this idea to your relationship with God.

Being alone with God doesn’t mean being lonely. “We can cultivate an inner solitude and silence that sets us free from loneliness and fear,” wrote Richard J. Foster in Celebration of Discipline. “Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment.”

According to Ephesians 2:18, we have direct access to the Father, the King of the Universe, by the Holy Spirit. Why not take advantage of that right of entry?

Here’s how to do it:

• Plan. Pray beforehand, asking God to use that extended period to refine you. You may even want to fast during your day of solitude. If so, purchase juice or bottled water.

• Pick a place. Determine a spot to meet with the Lord. Maybe backpack up a mountain and sit at the peak. Rent a hotel room. Settle yourself behind the corner table at a coffee shop. Visit a park or the library. Just try to depart from your home and routine. “Filtering out external distractions will help you focus on what God wants to tell you,” wrote Peter Lord in Hearing God. “You can hear God better when you give Him quality time.”

• Proceed with a clear conscience. Start your day away with a soul-searching prayer. Ask God to reveal displeasing thoughts, words or actions. Then confess them, because sin hinders communication with God: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

• Praise God. The Book of Psalms constantly invites us to lift our voice in praise to God. Spend some time reading one of those Psalms, listening to a worship CD or browsing through a hymnal. And don’t be afraid to sing.

• Pray. In time alone with the Lord, you want to be God-focused, not self-focused. “The chief purpose of prayer, then, is to get our wills unbiased,” wrote Dan Hayes in Seven Reasons To Pray, Some Obvious, Some Not So Obvious. Ask God to revive you and His church.

• Plunge into the Bible. Meditate on Scripture: “For the Word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). The Bible is relevant to our lives today. Consider reading a book from the Bible, like one of the Gospels or Esther. Maybe zero in on one chapter or several specific verses.

• Put it on paper. Record what God shows you. For example, jot down a Bible verse that pierces your heart and write down your response to it. Then you can reflect later on lessons learned. During your day away, don’t feel compelled to follow an agenda. Simply enjoy God. He delights in you. Unlike other monarchs, the King of the Universe yearns to meet with us. He longs for fellowship — so much so that He parted with His only Son to bring us into relationship with Him. Schedule time with the King. He’s waiting.

Reprinted with permission from Worldwide Challenge, the award-winning magazine of Campus Crusade for Christ, International.

This is not the life I would have chosen for myself.

But that’s not my life. Instead, I’m not married. I have no children. I don’t drive an SUV. But I do lead the life God has chosen for me.

Surprisingly, I love it.

In the last year with my job I traveled around the United States and I zigzagged the globe, visiting the continents of Europe, Asia and Africa all for the first time. I saw ancient artifacts and artwork, learned about new cultures, took a dip in the Mediterranean Sea and tasted a plethora of new foods. I accrued enough frequent flyer miles in one year to qualify for another free trip to Europe.

If at the beginning of time, God pulled me aside and asked, “Jennifer, how would you like for me to orchestrate your life?” I wouldn’t have even thought to petition for overseas travel, because I’d have been so focused on getting married and having lots of little ones. But if I were married and a mother, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities to travel.

I still long to be married though. This year, just after turning 26, I got a not-so-gentle reminder from Newsweek magazine that my biological clock is ticking. It’s an uphill battle to conceive after 27, I read.

To make matters worse, my boyfriend, the man I thought I would marry, had just ended our relationship on my birthday. My adrenaline started pumping as if for a race to find a husband.

But then God delicately reminded me-and continues to remind me that “God withholds no good thing from those whose walks are blameless” (Psalm 84:11). As long as I harbor no unconfessed sin in my heart, then my walk is righteous, and I can trust that I am in the center of God’s will. I trust Him. So far this life has been much more of an adventure than I could have hoped for. It’s not what I would have chosen, but God’s wisdom is higher, and therefore, His choice better.