When my children were first born, I did something radical. I didn’t really decorate their room.

But part of it was also a conscious choice. I figured they were babies; what did it matter what their rooms looked like as long as they had a comfortable place to sleep with an interesting mobile above the crib to look at? So we bought a sturdy crib, a practical change table, and a rocking chair where I could feed them. Everything else was kind of boring. In fact, until my oldest was four we actually stored our Christmas decorations in their room, in a pile in the corner.

Here’s the clincher: I knew that throughout the day, they would be spending most of their time in the family room, not in their bedrooms. They would need to be where I was; so why put all kinds of money and time into a room that they really only used for sleeping? I wanted to keep the living room in our small house as fun for them as possible, so I often sacrificed some of the comfort in their bedrooms–where they rarely were–for the family space we all shared.

A cool room can be a bad thing

I think modern parents pay far too much attention to children’s rooms. We want to create a fairytale for them, but honestly, how important is that? I have seen 3-year-olds with televisions in their rooms. I have seen six-year-olds with video games and computers in their rooms. And it’s a big mistake.

When children hit the teenage years, they will need some privacy. Giving them a nice, bright, comfortable room where they can do homework, read, and practice an instrument or something is good. When they’re 8, they don’t need that. What they do need is an incentive to be with the family. We spend far too much time in North America cocooning in our own individual places than we do hanging out, all together, in common space.

I respect the urge to try to create a comfortable home for your child; I really do. It is admirable to want to provide for your child and to nurture your child. What I don’t agree with, though, is how our society comes to define “providing for” and “nurturing”. We think that this means that our kids should have access to all the latest gear. Really, I think nurturing our children means giving kids access to each other and to us. They need family far more than they need a television.

What happens when kids have a television in their bedroom? They sleep less. They gain weight. They score lower on reading and math tests. And perhaps most importantly, they’re more likely tostart smoking and get involved in other delinquent activities, even controlling for all other factors.

Living separate lives

While the health and educational factors are important, it’s that last one I want to talk about. When kids have televisions and computers in their room, they are more likely to make lifestyle and moral choices that you would not approve of. Why would you want your kids doing that?

The reason they do that is because their lives have now become more and more separate from you. Kids with TVs in their rooms live in their rooms, not in the kitchen or the family room, where they can hang out with you. And perhaps just as importantly, they tend to live solitary lives, not lives with their siblings. If you’ve ever wondered why our kids squabble so much, perhaps it’s because they aren’t forced to play together or cure boredom together. Instead, they just retreat to their rooms to be entertained on their own.

I really can’t think of anything much more destructive in a family than encouraging your child to coccoon, all without you. Kids need input from us. They need conversation. They need meal times. They need to have fun! But we’re letting them grow up by themselves, in their wonderfully decorated room with every little gadget. It’s wrong.

This year my family started enforcing family games night. We’ve had it theoretically for years, but somehow other things often intruded: meetings or dinner engagements or kids’ activities. Not so now. It’s every Tuesday night. I’ve stopped accepting speaking engagements on Tuesdays. The kids don’t work or get together with friends on that night. We have a great dinner, and then pull out the board games and laugh and laugh altogether.

Let’s provide for our kids. Let’s give them a great living environment. But that environment should not be in their own rooms, where they’re encouraged to spend time far away from the rest of the family. It should be altogether.

I find that my girls need to talk about the stuff of life, but that conversation usually only comes after we’ve been together for a while. They need to be comfortable opening up. After we’ve been goofing around or chatting or cooking together for a little bit, suddenly out will come this torrent of feelings about friends, or youth group, or their futures, or whatever. But it only comes after that initial bonding time.

If your lives consist mostly of gathering the children for the practical functions of life, like putting food on their plates or collecting homework or ascertaining everybody’s schedules, and then you separate during your leisure times, I doubt that kind of opening up will happen. If your children hang out in their own rooms, rather than in the family room with siblings, I doubt great friendships will develop.

So here’s an idea: think about how you want your kids to turn out. What values do you want them to have? How do you want them to act? Now, does your physical home reflect those values, or are you undermining them? If your kids cocoon, you’re undermining them. And maybe it’s time for a readjustment.

What do you think? Does your family have a central place where you hang out? Where is it?

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

Teach your kids to cook so you don’t have to!

So at 11 they can make 1.
At 12 they can make 2.
At 13 they can make 3.

And so on, and so on, and so on. That way, when they move out at 18, the goal is that they can make seven different meals well, and one fancier meal for company.

This applies to both girls and boys. Do not raise your sons differently from your daughters in this regard. First of all, the average boy doesn’t marry until 27, so that’s 9 years away from home first, unless you want him living in your basement and eating your food the whole time. Even when he does marry, do you really want your daughter-in-law to have to do all the cooking? Train him for independence! You’re doing everyone a favor!

Getting started

So how do you figure out the meals to make? Think about your family’s favorite meals and start with the easiest one.  This is what has worked for me:

Year 11: Spaghetti. It’s easy, and most kids like it, and it’s mostly just stirring. You can start by just teaching them to make the pasta and heat up a can of sauce with some meat. Then teach them how to add some chopped veggies, like garlic or carrots or peppers. Then add some homemade garlic bread. (Just chop fresh garlic up, add it to butter with some parsley, and spread it on bread. Broil it, and you’re done! Just check the timer. I’m forever burning mine).

Year 12: Chicken pie/chicken rice casserole. This is one of my children’s favorite meals, so we taught it young. It’s not that difficult:

Start with leftover chicken and add
1 can cream-of-something soup (use whatever is in your cupboard)
1 cup gravy (leftover, or the instant kind, or a can)
a lot of frozen veggies, or chopped fresh carrots, etc.

Heat it all up, and then either put it in some pie shells and bake it, or add rice and a bit of sour cream to it, sprinkle with cheese and breadcrumbs, and cook as a rice casserole. It’s great either way!

Year 13: Chicken and potatoes (This is a great meal that makes leftovers so they have the leftover chicken to make chicken pie. But most kids feel very threatened by making a whole chicken, plus they think the meat is gross, so it’s best to leave this until a little bit later).

The biggest benefit of learning how to roast a chicken is that your realize how easy it is! If you teach your kids how to make different side dishes, from baked potatoes to mashed potatoes or rice, then they’re all set. Now no matter which meat they roast they can make a meal! Gravy is a little trickier, but my daughter Rebecca’s getting pretty good at it right now.

Year 14: Grilled ham. We make ours dipped in maple syrup and then grilled in a frying pan or on the barbecue, depending on the time of year. The kids love it! We usually splurge on Lipton’s sidekicks for this meal.

Year 15: Shepherd’s Pie. Again, it’s easy. But I leave it until later because I always find this meal takes a bit of time because of all the peeling of potatoes and chopping and mashing, and the kids don’t like doing that work as much. Here’s our recipe:

Brown 1 1/2 pounds ground beef.
Add 1 can of tomato soup
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
a bunch of garlic powder and salt and paprika

Layer this in a pan. Cover with frozen veggies. Add mashed potatoes on top of that. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake at 400 for half and hour. If it’s not brown on top, broil for a minute or two. We’ve started tripling this recipe and making three pans, because the kids love it and we leave it for leftovers.

So there you have five days of meals for your teens and preteens to start learning to make! That’s also our recipe plan for this week. None of these recipes cost very much. They’re all very affordable, and the kids like them. And one day, when they’re on their own, they’ll feel competent! What recipes do you use to teach children how to cook? And how are they doing at it?

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

“I pray for them.  I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.” John 17:9

Jesus reflected God’s own heart when he prayed for the disciples, and we reflect God’s heart when we pray for our children.

We can pray that our children will LIVE FOR CHRIST joyfully: “I pray these things while I’m still in the world so that they will have the same joy that I have” (John 17:13, GW).

We can pray that our children will GROW STRONG spiritually: “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one” (John 17:15, NLT).

We can pray that our children will SERVE CHRIST effectively: “Make them ready for your service through your truth; your teaching is truth” (John 17:17, NCV).

We can pray that our children will EXPERIENCE FELLOWSHIP with other believers: “My prayer is that they will be of one heart and mind, just as you and I are one, Father … and the world will believe you sent Me” (John 17:21, LB).

We can pray that our children will BRING OTHERS TO CHRIST regularly: “I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in Me because of their message” (John 17:20, TEV).

If you are not a parent, you still can help others move toward the heart of God by praying for them.

Questions: If you are a parent, how can you pray more fervently for your children? If you are not a parent, who has God placed in your life to pray for?

Please open your Bible and read Psalm 78:1-4.

Little six-year-old Timothy skipped home at a leisurely pace with his older brother. His elementary school was only a 5 minute walk from his house, but it took him a lot longer than that to arrive at home, much to his brother’s chagrin!

It was the first day of spring. The sun shone brightly. The wind whistled gently through the air, and it seemed as though the entire world was blooming … alive after its winter slumber. At seemingly every turn, the natural world around him aroused his amazement and wonder: a dancing butterfly, a fuzzy caterpillar, a colorful flower, all alive with growth and life and wonder!

Sometimes we’re almost like polar opposites of little Timothy when it comes to God. We get accustomed to God’s grace. Blind to His glory. Oblivious to His love. When there’s work, plus family, plus church, plus everything else, it’s easy if we’re not careful to become distracted.

When was the last time you were in awe of God? While must constantly strive to increase our knowledge and understanding of our Lord, we should never lose the sense of wonder at who He is and all He has done for us.

Jesus called the children around Him, “took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” (Mark 10:16) Can you approach Jesus as a child, not with a childlike intellect (1 Corinthians 13:11) but with a childlike attitude? A childlike attitude will keep us humble as we continually are reminded of God’s high exaltation, our lowly place, and (despite of our lowly place) how God has lifted us up with Him when we put our trust in Him, so that He may even call us “friend”. (John 15:15)

“Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore. From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised.” Psalm 113:2-3

Question: What do you admire most about the natural beauty around us, and have you stopped to really see it lately?

Please open your Bible and read: 2 Timothy 3:14 -16

Scripture is filled with true stories about women who loved the Lord and became role models for future generations. With the approach of Mother’s Day, I want to share with you some of the meaningful lessons I learned from my mom.

Lesson 1: Loving God’s Word and Prayer. As a child, I came to understand what was important to my mother by watching what she said and did. Etched in my mind are memories of her love for the Bible and her diligent prayer for me.

Lesson 2: Trusting the Lord. Mother worked in a textile mill, and she made just enough to take care of us. Sometimes I would become a little frightened about whether our resources would be sufficient. She consistently responded by telling me to trust God – He would provide for our needs. She demonstrated a steady confidence in God.

Lesson 3: Obeying God. As a child, I knew that if I disobeyed my mother, discipline would follow. Obedience ranked very high in her book. By learning to follow her rules, I was being made ready to serve the Lord.

Lesson 4: Treating Others the Right Way. My mom lived by the principle that you behave towards others the way you want to be treated. Even if she was wronged, she responded to people in a godly way, and she urged me to do the same.

No matter the age of your children, you can influence them through your prayers and your life as you seek to follow Christ. What spiritual heritage will you be passing on?

Question: What spiritual heritage would you like to pass on?

Take a moment to think about your financial habits – good and bad.

As a parent, or grandparent, it’s important to think about the financial habits you’re modeling. It’s important for children to hear and see how decisions are made. By involving children in financial decisions in an age appropriate way, you give them the tools to make their own decisions later in life. Here are a few tips to help you teach your children good financial habits.

Tips for young children:

• Have your child decorate three jars – one for spending, one for saving and one for giving to church or charity.
• When your child receives money as a gift or she begins to get an allowance, talk with her about the importance of all three areas and help her to decide how much to spend, how much to save and how much to give.
• Help her create a chart to track her progress toward savings and giving goals.
• Help her decide where to give her money – a program at your church or an organization in your community – or choose a family project to support together.
• As children learn to save, you could match or supplement their savings to encourage their behavior and help them reach their goals.

Tips for older children:

• Go with your child to set up a savings account. Most banks or credit unions have no-fee accounts for children. Involve her in the process of deciding which account is best.
• Teach your child to keep track of her savings account activity. Starting now when it’s simple will help her as her finances gradually get more complicated.
• Again, you can agree to match or supplement her funds as she advances toward her goals. Or you could even help her find a high interest savings account and begin to teach her about investing.

Tips for teens:

• Give your child responsibility for some expenses. Perhaps paying for his entertainment, birthday gifts for friends, or some of his clothing. If he wants expensive clothes that don’t fit into the family budget, ask him to contribute. This will help him make good decisions and learn the value of money.
• When your older child gets a job, help him to set up a chequing account and learn to track his spending.
• Discuss setting up an automatic transfer to a savings account or investment to continue building good habits. It’s also a good time to talk with him about the power of compound interest. Starting to save early will have an amazing effect.

As you consider the financial habits you want to pass on to your children, think about the lessons of your own life: what’s important to you and what you wish you had known sooner? Make money discussions a regular part of life, not something secret or scary. Talk to your children about how you make decisions about a big purchase or how you decide what to give to your church or charity.

Train a child in the way she should go, and when she is old she will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Perhaps you need help getting your finances in order to ensure you are a positive role model for your children and to help you live a more generous life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.

Call 1-800-563-6237, or email moreinfo@faithlifefinancial.ca.

Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca

FOLLOW US ON Facebook and Twitter

Are kids more spoiled today than in years past?

On the assumption that lovingly caring for your kids is good, but spoiling them is not so good, here are some highlights from Harvard Medical School psychologist Richard Bromfield’s top-10 list  “How to Unspoil Your Children”:

COMMIT TO UNSPOILING. The surer your lead is, the quicker your children will follow.

CREATE A BRIBE-FREE HOME. Bribes work in the moment, but parents (and children) pay a high price for bribery in the long run.

BUY LESS FOR THE KIDS. It may sound obvious, but it’s both necessary and challenging.

BUY LESS FOR YOU TOO. Some parents roll their eyes at their children’s indulgence, even as they the parents spend much of their days buying, shopping …

TAKE PRIDE IN THE NEW YOU. Your children are obliged to protest and throw wrenches in your unspoiling efforts. But you know better than to surrender.

Read the full list here.

While thinking about the ways that parents spoil their kids, the phenomenon of “Helicopter Parenting” came to mind. The term refers to overprotective moms and dads who “swoop in” at a moments notice to protect their kids and prevent them from failing. Although they may think they are helping their kids, they can often be hindering them from learning how to fail. Similarly, parents who spoil their kids will have noble intentions, but may end up doing more harm than good in the long run.

Parents may want to give their children everything that they lacked growing up. That’s admirable, but if you go too far, it may make it even more difficult for your child to develop independence. In his article “A Dad Shaped Hole,” author H. Norman Wright notes that “My dad spoiled me, carried me in his arms or on his shoulders. He was kind, loving, indulgent, and oh so strong.” As great as that is, it can make it even more difficult if suddenly (like in Norman’s case) the child becomes separated from their father.

Do you think children are more spoiled now than before? Is that a problem? Do you think you spoil your own kids?

Related: Visit Family Life Canada for parenting help, relationship tips, and information about “A Weekend to Remember” marriage conferences occurring all around Canada.

Is anger defining your relationships? Talk to us.

Listen to His words of wisdom:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but (say) only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God…” (Ephesians 4:29).

Pray the following prayer for the relationship that is challenging you today. Make it personal and put in the name of the one whose relationship challenges you. Remember, you can only choose to change your own heart.

Dear Father in Heaven, it is not possible for me to keep my mouth from speaking things it should not. I need Your power to guard my tongue. Father, today help me to think before I speak. Help me to feel that nudge of Your Holy Spirit and respond before words rush out of my mouth unbidden.

Father, I need You to help me to know what to say that will be helpful in building __________up rather than saying words that tear down or hurt. Please make me aware, by Your divine power, of _______’s needs so I can respond in a way that benefits him/her. Help me to run to You when frustrations and anger bubble up and let You de-fuse it and send me back with grace on my lips. Help me to be bold when issues need addressing, but gentle and loving in the way I address them.

Father, You are the only one who can perform this miracle in my life. I look to You today to set a guard at my heart and my mouth for I do not want to grieve You. Forgive me for the times I have and walk with me so closely today for I need the help of Your Holy Spirit in dealing with _______________. Thank you. I pray this in Jesus Name, amen.

Questions: Is there someone in your life right now that you are having difficulty relating to? What could be your first step in helping you to improve the relationship?

About the Author Gail Rodgers

Have you been able to escape your family legacy?

For example, Frank Zappa was a rock musician, and one of the most talented and influential of the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s. He was the father of four children: Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva. Besides the relatively uncommon last name Zappa, you’d think it’d be rather difficult for children with such unusual names to escape the legacy of their famous father. In fact, all four have been involved in the music business to some degree as performers.

This isn’t necessarily a good or a bad thing. Often children want to follow in their parents’ footsteps, and there’s nothing wrong with that. In a way it would be an ideal situation, since the parents could act like mentors to their children in their careers.

However the parental situations we face are often less than ideal. Kelita Haverland is one example. Although she is now a successful singer, her father was a closet alcoholic and suffered from depression. She tells her story in an article called “Power to Change” which we hope will encourage anyone who is struggling to overcome their legacy.

What is the legacy left to you by your parents? If positive, have you sought to embrace it, or do you prefer to head in your own direction? And if it has been negative, how have you tried to overcome it? If you would like to speak with someone privately about it, please contact a mentor today to talk via email; it’s free and confidential.

Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “Relationships and Identity” on October 19 at 12:15 pm EDT Please join us to discuss how you identify your self and how that effects your relationships

Jack decided he wanted to attend a Christian school and after a few months of praying and investigating, we moved forward with that decision. In doing so, I found out that Jack would have assignments to complete before school started up again. Yee-haw. I’m such a fan of homework (see http://elisabethcorcoran.blogspot.com/2009/09/homework-woes.html). Let alone SUMMER homework.

It started with Jack’s homework

But part of Jack’s homework was to read a book called Just Like Jesus by Max Lucado and it’s been needling both of us, albeit in very different ways. Today’s reading was Mr. Lucado’s take on what the leper must’ve felt who was healed by Jesus. Jack wrote that it reminded him of being at Feed My Starving Children earlier that day.

Jack went with some friends for a packing session where they packed meals for children in third-world countries. While we were reading Just Like Jesus later that night, he said, “Did you know that for only ten dollars, you could feed two children for a month?”

“I didn’t know that, bud…that’s amazing,” I said.

I could tell his mind was going a mile a minute.  For months we’ve been kicking around ideas of different ways he could use basketball to raise money for Africa, like Austin Gutwein did.  I prayed with him before putting him to bed and asked Jesus that if He thought this was a good idea, that He would help us be creative and make it happen. When I stopped praying, Jack said, “I think I know how we’re supposed to do this.” I grabbed a notebook and took down his thoughts. It was pretty sweet. I pointed out that the Holy Spirit just told him what we should do. I gave him a kiss and told him we’d work on it tomorrow.

Hearing from God

Jack came and got me a few minutes later to show me something. He pointed out what when the light hit the wall across from his bed, the shadows looked like letters. He told me he was asking God to help him see what it said in case it were a message, and before he could tell me, I saw it, “B A L L.”

“I think it says ‘B A L L’,” Jack said.

Now, it wasn’t like the handwriting on the wall with Daniel or anything, but it was clear enough that I teared up. “Jesus must be trying to encourage you, hon,” I said.

“I’ve never had Him do that for me before,” Jack said with a smile.

“Jesus is cool that way, baby,” I said as I walked back out, with my own big smile.

Jack came back out a couple minutes later. “I think it maybe also says ‘F A I L’,” he said, looking dejected.

“Jack, which word do you think Jesus would be saying to you right now — BALL or FAIL?”

“Ball,” he answered.

“Then we’re going with that,” I said reassuring him.

The lessons here are many and deep, but I’ll just point out a couple. God can speak to us at any time and in any way. Never discount what God wants to do through a child. Always acknowledge a God-thing…I think He loves it when we give Him credit.  Encouraging our children’s very personal walk with God will build their faith and our own.

And for heaven’s sakes…when the writing on the wall is positive, assume it’s from Jesus.