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You can know God personally
Why did Jesus suffer?
Are you lonely?

Have you ever had an experience that separated you from the people around you? For some of us it was a divorce, for others, a failure. Sometimes it’s our finances that makes us different, or our health (or the lack of it). If you’ve ever felt like you were on the outside looking in, there is hope for you. Watch the video.

Take the next step:
Are you lonely? Life is very lonely when you don’t feel like you belong
Craving intimacy? You are not alone.
If you feel lonely, come talk to a mentor

Feeling low this Christmas season?  You’re not alone.  Amid cheery songs, festive parties, gifts and good wishes, many lonely people are crying or dying on the inside.  Maybe you’re one of them.  I was.

During a horrible year, my wife of 20 years divorced me, my employer of 25 years fired me, and I had a cancer scare.  As I drove home one night, lovely Christmas music came on the radio.  Melancholy aching evidenced the deep pain of abandonment and loss that I was still processing.

No fun.

Blue Christmas

Romantic estrangement, family strife, and bereavement can make your holidays dismal.  One of Elvis Presley’s most popular songs was “Blue Christmas.”  A lonely crooner mourns heartbreaking lost love.  Performers from The Beach Boys to Celine Dion, Loretta Lynn, and Jon Bon Jovi have recorded it.

Does even thinking about that song make you depressed?  The spoofed “Porky Pig” version could get you laughing.  Google will take you there.  But please … wait until finishing this short article to search, OK?!

Several factors can produce Christmas blues.¹ Hectic activity can bring physical and emotional stress.  Overspending can produce financial pressure.  Year-end reflection and focus on loss can magnify sorrow.

McGill University psychologist Dr. Michael Spevack notes, “Overeating and over drinking combined with a decreased amount of sleep is also a formula for extreme emotional swings.”  Depression can lead to thoughts of suicide, especially among the socially isolated, he says.²

The “empty chair”

Is your family apart this season by necessity or choice?  Maybe an “empty chair” reminds you of your pain.  Does Christmas “Ho, Ho, Ho” contrast with your deep anguish?

One widow recalled how she felt during the Christmas after her husband’s death:  “Little mattered to me. I didn’t want to hear carols. I didn’t want to be cheered up. I didn’t want to look at perky Christmas cards. I wanted the same thing I’d wanted every day for eight months: the strength to force myself out of bed in the morning, to brush my teeth and to eat.”³

One possible influence, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a form of depression the medical community doesn’t completely understand.  The Mayo Clinic says genetics, age and body chemistry could be the culprits.  Mayo recommends seeing your doctor if you feel down for days and have motivation problems.  Symptoms can include changing sleep patterns and appetite, feeling hopeless, contemplating suicide, or seeking comfort in alcohol.⁴

Coping

How can you cope with Christmas loneliness?  Some suggestions:

• Spend time with people, especially positive ones who lift your spirits.  Perhaps you’ll be grateful for their cheer.
• Exercise regularly. Blood pumping can help clear your mind.
• Eat right.  Chocaholics beware.  Overindulgence can mean temporary highs followed by disappointing flab.
• Lights on!  Enjoy sunlight, outdoors if possible.  Brighten up your home and workplace.  Light therapy sometimes helps SAD.
• Budget your gift spending and stick with your budget.  Prevent January bill shock.
• Talk about your feelings.  Keeping them bottled up can mean anxiety, ulcers, sour disposition, and/or explosion.  Need a trusted, listening friend?  Try a local church.
• Give to others.  Volunteer.  Medical professor Stephen Post, PhD, is convinced that giving is essential for optimum physical and mental health in our fragmented society.  He says some California physicians give volunteerism “prescriptions” to their Medicare patients.⁵
• Seek counsel.  I used to be embarrassed to obtain professional counsel.  Now I recommend it.  We all can use good advice navigating life’s storms.
• Develop spiritual roots.  I’m glad that before my dark days began, I had a friendship with God.

Tired of friends who betray, manipulate, disrespect, or desert you?  God won’t.  He cares for you, values you, will listen to you and comfort you.  You can trust Him.  He always wants your best.

One early believer put it this way: “Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?”⁶His point: God loved us enough to send Jesus, his only Son, to die on the cross to pay the penalty for our wrong, our sins.  What a demonstration of love!  I can trust a God like that.  Then Jesus rose from the dead so He could live inside us and become our friend.

Your choice

Would you like to meet Jesus, the best friend you could ever have?  Wouldn’t Christmas season be a great time to place your faith in Him?  You can tell Him something like this:

Jesus, I need you.  Thanks for dying and rising again for me.  Please forgive me, enter my life, and give me eternal life.  Help me to become good friends with you and learn to follow your lead.

End notes

1. “Christmas Holiday Depression,” 18 December 2005; www.medicalnewstoday.com.
2. Ibid.
3. Mary Cartledgehayes, “Blue Christmas – Grieving Through The Holidays,” Christian Century, December 27, 2003; www.findarticles.com.
4. “Seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” Mayo Clinic Staff, September 24, 2007; www.mayoclinic.com.
5. Stephen Post, PhD., and Jill Neimark, Why Good Things Happen to Good People (New York: Broadway Books, 2007).

Belonging is one of the deepest needs of the human heart. Belonging tells us who we are. It tells us who would miss us if we were gone and who is happy to see us at the end of the day.  Our need for community goes bone deep.  If you don’t belong anywhere it can feel like you’re just drifting through life.  Have you ever been on the outside looking in?

Take the next step:
Everyone longs to be part of community. Where do you belong?
When will this place feel like home?
Feeling alone? Talk to a mentor. We’re here to listen.

Take the next step:
Everyone longs to be part of community. Where do you belong?
Help others fit in: 10 ways to help your community
When will this place feel like home?
Feeling alone? Talk to a mentor. We’re here to listen.

Are you hiding behind secrets?

“God is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2. Peter 3:9)

During my visit in Senegal, West Africa, my daughter and I went to see a dear Senegalese friend. Fatima had just returned from a trip to Mecca and was she ever excited! Her eyes glowed as she said, “I was in the procession of millions of other believers; I performed all the ceremonies; I circled the Ka’aba (the cube shaped stone building); I said all the prayers. I did it all.” Then her eyes clouded as she lowered her voice, “Still, if Allah should call me tonight, I don’t know if he would receive me into his heaven,” she said. “That’s really his choice, isn’t it?”

“Fatima, we can know for sure,” my daughter replied. “Should God call me tonight, I know I’d go to heaven, not because of all the things I’ve done, but because of what Jesus has done for me.” She took Fatima’s hand and said softly, “And also for you – Jesus died for your sins also.”

An impersonal God requires ritual, rote prayers, sacrifices... and we can never be sure if we’ve done enough.

The Bible teaches that we have a personal God who wants a love relationship with us. He wants it so badly that He gave His only Son to die for our sins on the Cross.

Do you know of one person who doesn’t know Jesus personally? Perhaps she’s struggling with addictions, depression, loneliness or pride. What can you do to help her find Jesus?

1. Pray for her by name every day. Prayer breaks down spiritual barriers.

2. Spend time with her: Go for walks together, go out for coffee with her, help her with a project

3. Listen to her without giving advice. Listening affirms a person as a valued human being.

4. When you’ve gained her trust, share the good news of a personal, risen Savior who wants to set her free.

5. Continue to be her friend even if she doesn’t respond. Coming to Jesus is like being born again – there’s a gestation period. We need to continue to water the seed even though we don’t see a harvest.

Lord Jesus, you are still the good Shepherd who came to seek and to save the lost. I commit my friend to you right now…………(name her). I pray that your Holy Spirit will soften her heart and open her eyes to your salvation. Amen

Questions: Do you know someone who is struggling with life? How can you help her?  What can you do to help her find Jesus?

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