“I’m peculiar.”

If she said it once, she said it a million times. That was my mom.  For a number of years, my sister and her son lived with our mom. My nephew always lovingly told her she was “weird”. Her response? “I’m not weird; I’m just peculiar!”

She was correct. As one of God’s treasured possessions she was peculiar. Exodus 19:5a says, “Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people.” (KJV) Other versions define it as “special treasure”, “treasured possession” or something similar.

God separated His people to be a peculiar bunch, to make known His Name, and to be a glory to Him among all people. And that was Mom. Peculiar! What made her that way? She had an uncommon faith and a great strength. Though understandably shaken after her husband died suddenly, her strength bolstered her to continue living.

A godly mother

Mom was always full of grace, class, and love. By today’s standards, she would be considered old-fashioned. Being a fashionista did not enter her mind. She could not have cared less about being “in fashion” but she was always well dressed. She hadn’t changed her hairstyle in maybe fifty years, but it was always perfectly combed.

Everyone who knew her thought her a true lady. Known for her life in Christ, she shared her distinguishing qualities of generosity and caring with everyone. She was always ready to give a bear hug to those who wanted one. Though she suffered with arthritis, back and breathing problems, and years of pain she rarely complained. Mom died two days before her eighty-fourth birthday in 2008.

Unfortunately, not every child is blessed to have a godly mother. Some mothers are negative, abusive, cold, or uncaring. Some even abandon their children. Many adverse circumstances shape a mother’s life and contribute to her behavior. Maybe you have a mom that behaved badly toward you, abandoned you, or did not provide all that you needed from her. Maybe she was or is the farthest thing from the example of a godly mother.

Honour your mother

Scripture says, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you.” (Deut. 5:16a, NKJV) I know that in some cases this is extremely difficult to do, but this verse comes with a promise. It goes on to say, “…that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” This promise not only applied to God’s people Israel but applies to us today as well.

If your mom is still alive, honor her this Mother’s Day. Love her. Hug her. If she has hurt you, forgive her. You might just see a change in her. God gave you life through her for a reason. Praise Him for that.

Oh, how I miss my Peculiar Mom. I wish I could tell her once more that I love her and give her one of those bear hugs she loved so much. She left me my spiritual heritage, my Mother’s Day gift…the greatest gift she ever gave me besides physical life.

Don’t miss out on telling your mom that you love her. You never know when it might be your last time to tell her. If you do not have a godly heritage from your mother, be the first to start it for your future family. Live out your life as one whose heart is filled with the love of God.

I pray that you become that Peculiar Mom.

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Sometimes I wonder what the reality is. I was told, in bits and pieces, things about being a mother. Didn’t I hear about the great love mothers have for their children? From my own mother hadn’t I heard some tidbits of motherhood?

Perhaps you were told, but like me, you didn’t have the capacity or interest to listen and understand at the time. You weren’t a mother; you had no child. How could you have possibly known what to expect or prepare for?

And now, you are a mother of a precious child. You change diapers, wake at all hours, share you body with a nursing infant, feel your mind becoming frazzled, and just when you’ve learned to sleep through crying, you are pregnant again. Along comes child number two and then three, and one day you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Wow! Nothing could have prepared me for all of this! Nobody told me there would be days like this!”

Here are a few things that you have learned:

• You can stir the spaghetti sauce with one hand and hold a fussy baby in the other.
• Snuggling and reading books together is time well spent.
• Your heart is built stronger than a Samsonite suitcase, larger than the Montana sky, and like the Energizer battery, it will keep going and going because nothing beats like a mother’s heart.
• Your children will not always look like cherubs. One day they will have long hair, wear the same shirt for days and smell like teens only a mother could love.
• They will blame you when things go wrong and when they go beautifully, they will forget to thank you.
• Your thoughts will be filled with “I told you so” but you will learn to refrain from saying that line as your mother learned early on.
• You will see that a child’s laughter warms more effectively than a blanket.
• You will start to hear yourself saying those cliches your mother swore she’d never say. Things like, “Do you think money grows on trees?” and “If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?”
• You will learn how the expression to bend over backwards for someone came into our language.
• You will bend and break and mend and bend some more.
• And if a child dies, you will want to, too. You knew you loved, but the absent child will cause you to realize the vastness and incredible depth of a mother’s love. You will look for the simple, but magnificent of life — rainbows and sunsets– but nothing will fill that hole your child’s death leaves in your heart.
• Your children will beg for independence, and when you give it to them, they will ask you to be there, right next to them.
• You will grow old and hopefully watch your children grow older. They will make mistakes, cry, make mistakes again, and you will see your hands can heal and soothe and comfort.
• You will learn that sometimes all they need are pancakes for breakfast.
• And if you get to travel and see the Eiffel Tower you will feel kin to it — for you, too, are like steel. And as the sun sets behind the Eiffel Tower, and you marvel at the beauty, marvel at your own beauty. You are a priceless work of fine art.

You are mother.

Related reading: Read one mother’s story of her miracle baby

5 tips for a happy day.

I have to be honest: Until I became a mom seven years ago, I had no idea how stressful and even (let’s face it) awful Mother’s Day could be. I knew, of course, it was rough on the women who desperately wanted to be moms and on mothers who had lost children. I even got that it was hard for moms who spent the day far away from their children, longing for their company.

But that it was hard on moms with kids at home? Coulda fooled me. And apparently they did because my first Mother’s Day was – umm – less than blissful.

Mind you, this was totally my fault – totally the fault of all my silly expectations and assumptions I’d brought with me to the day. Expectations my husband could never have met and assumptions I had no business making (or at least, not expressing!).

So when the day rolled around and my husband presented me with a darling pair of espadrilles I had admired in a catalog the previous month (I mean, really, how great is this?!?!) BUT didn’t make mention of any brunch plans, I freaked. What’s Mother’s Day without BRUNCH? What sort of ungrateful husband doesn’t even make BRUNCH reservations? What am I supposed to COOK today? Isn’t this day supposed to HONOR ME?

I’d like you to think I only thought these things, but no, they actually came out of my mouth – straight into the face of my husband. Nice, I know.

The next year was better. No shoes or any gift. But he did make reservations at my favorite Swedish restaurant in the city. We were set to leave right after church and drive straight down. I still freaked – but I managed to keep it to a minimum. But we get out at noon. We need to feed Henrik. He can’t wait that long …

When my husband took out a pre-packed package of graham crackers and a sippy cup to tide our baby over, I relaxed, but realized there was something else going on with this Mother’s Day thing. So I began to ask friends what they really thought of Mother’s Day. While everyone said they appreciated the idea of it (and all of us adore the gifts our kids make for us!), most friends had had their own frustrations with the day. And mostly, these frustrations had to do with feeling like in reality Mother’s Day was being celebrated for some other type of mother. For the mother you see on TV, for the mother Hallmark tries to tell you that we all are, for the mother that doesn’t always like what we like or spend the day we’d want it spent.

After these conversations with friends, I had a good, honest chat with my husband. First, I apologized for acting like such a Mother’s Day psycho and not appreciating his effort. Then, we started talking about my expectations for Mother’s Day and what would make the day truly special and feel like it honored me as a mom – as opposed to some glorified, however generic, version of motherhood. He wanted to know.

Since that conversation, I’ve continued to think about some things that to help make Mother’s Day less stressful and more joyful. In fact, in the years since this happened, five of these ideas have weaseled their way from my brain and into practice – helping make Mother’s Day wonderful for everyone involved.

1. Let others in on the big Mother’s Day secret. You know that unless your kids are grown and you miss them like crazy, busy moms really want some time alone on Mother’s Day. Let’s just get this out: We all have seasons when a perfect Mother’s Day means a day where a mother didn’t have to mother, right? So if you want time off or by yourself that day, let your family know this. Don’t be rude about it. Make sure your kids and partner know you love them and will miss them. But go ahead and admit this would make your day great.
2. Say what you want. Obviously this is in line with the first tip. But let’s say you want a huge hoopla, big enchilada kind of Mother’s Day: tell your family! Maybe a hand-picked bouquet makes you feel honored. Maybe it’s breakfast in bed. Maybe it’s a fancy brunch, tickets to a baseball game, or a picnic at the park. Whatever it is, let your family know. They love you – so give them the best way to show you.
3. Lower your expectations. So, you’ve let the fam in on the secret or told them what you want. Now, forget you said anything. When you expect nothing and end up with something – total gravy! Seriously, if you want to enjoy the day (and not ruin it for the rest of your family) ratchet down your hopes and dreams for the day. Those grand illusions only lead to disappointment. Remember, that family you love so much? They’re only human. They love you too, but they can’t love you perfectly.
4. Extend grace. So maybe your lowered expectations will churn out the gravy you hoped it would. Then again, maybe it won’t. Maybe no one will put out much effort; maybe it’ll be a day just like all the rest. Maybe you won’t feel any more loved than you did the day before. Oh, well. As I heard someone tell me recently, “Notice that feeling and then let it go.” Because seriously, people, it’s a day. If you knew your kids loved you on Saturday – without them having made you anything special or served you a wonderful breakfast in bed – you should know they love you still on Sunday.
5. Honor another mom. It’s easy to get all wrapped up in our own mommy selves on Mother’s Day but let’s not forget about our own moms, mothers-in-law, mother figures, or any other moms who may be feeling the sting of loneliness on this day. Don’t know what to do or how to honor another special mom in your life? Ask her what she wants.

Related reading: Ever wonder where all the joy went that used to be in your life? Explore Discovering the Joy in Your Life.

I can remember longing for the times when my kids would be watching a movie and I could sneak into the bathroom and read an entire article by myself, uninterrupted.  Back then those times were few and far between.

Now my kids are now 19 and 21.  I still see reflections of my old self in my every day travels. I see Moms looking tired, waiting for that break when they can look at a magazine, talk to other moms, exercise, go shopping or take a walk or close their eyes for a quick power nap.

When I owned my own music studio in Rochester, NY I remember moms coming in my office in tears. They’d tell me how they just wanted to have a conversation with other moms to see if they’re doing this parenting thing right. Some would say that they had forgotten who they were or their marriages have become routine. Their lives were a long list of “To Do’s”. Yes, the piano teacher does act as a therapist sometimes.  I actually thought about putting a sign on my door that said, “The Doctor Is In”.

Realistically though, let’s face it, we are not Wonder Woman or Supermom, no matter how together we think we are. I fear that what we have happening today is  a “mommy burnout” and that frightens me.  So, I’ve put together some suggestions to help you endure and survive those seemingly endless days of energy draining, sticky fingered, peanut-butter-smelling adorable little angels that we know we could not live without:

1. Take 15 minutes out of your day to spend with God & breathe! Find a quiet place with a devotional book and your Bible and read a psalm. Pray for your day.  Ask God to order your steps today, to bless and protect your children and husband and tell Him anything else that’s on your mind.   This may mean that you have to get up a few minutes earlier than your children but I can tell you for sure that this will make a huge difference in how your day goes and how you feel.
2. Ask your self this very important question:  “Am I taking care of myself?” If you’re like most Moms, the answer is no.  Running through the grocery store does not constitute exercise and eating a Pop-Tart may sound like a good idea but it isn’t the most nutritious meal choice.  Get out and walk, join a gym, hit the treadmill while watching Joyce Meyer or reading a book! No one else is going to do this for you.  You have to make your health a priority.
3. Re-evaluate your schedule. Are you constantly running?  Are your kids overbooked?  The key word here is balance. One or two activities is better than five or six.
4. Arrange a date night for you and your hubby — yes, a real date. This means finding a sitter, neighbor or friend to watch the kids.  Date nights do no have to cost a lot.  Go to a pizza place or grab an ice cream and walk along the pier or beach.  Spend time being a couple again.

You are a vital part of your kids lives.  You play a huge role in determining who they are, what they learn and who they will become.  If you’re healthy, they will be too. If you’re spiritually, emotionally and mentally fit, you will have more to give to them and to your husband too.

Life is short and time is precious. Each day is a gift. Stop and see the goodness of God all around you in the most precious gifts you have – your family.

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