Growing up my Dad always made a point of telling us that none of us are adopted

I know that I get my love of words and my passion for word-play from my Mom.  We like books and crossword puzzles and silly poems and nonsense.  My Dad has long complained that when the two of us are together we speak a different language entirely.  (He is right about that, but honestly, after all these years how can he not know what numciouses are?)  As I get older I realize that there are other things of hers that are in my life too.

I have her uncertainty in new situations. Just like my Mom I need to know before I can act.  My first impulse is not to try, it’s to question.   We both find safety in the familiar even though we also both like to travel.  I have always had a good relationship with my Mom, but it is only in the last few years that we’ve actually talked about why we are the way we are.

There are conversations that every girl has with her mother, and we’ve had those too but it surprises me that it has taken us this long to get these important topics.  How does she deal with meeting new people? Why does she think we act the way we do?  My Mom has 30+ years more experience than I do.  Why did it take me so long to ask?

I wonder if it’s because asking these questions can feel like we’re calling choices into question? I don’t want to debate with my Mom why she chose not to go to college, but I wanted to know the reasons.  She let me into her heart long ago, now as I get older I find I want to be let inside her brain as well.  What was it like to move to Africa with two small children? What was it like falling in love with my Dad? How did she cope with caring for a sick parent for the 10 years he lived in our house?

These are the conversations I want to have with my mother.  I want to know her better, as a woman, as well as a mother.  I know that her choice to have children has effected everything that came after but it is not the only choice she’s ever made.  I want to hear the other stories too.  I feel like I know her pretty well, but I want to know her better.  I am very fortunate to still have my Mom around.  This year, for Mother’s Day I think I’ll go ask her.

What are the best questions you’ve ever asked your Mom? Tell us in the comments.

Let’s talk: “Lesssons from Mom” – join us in the chat room May 9th @ 12:15 EDT?

Another Mother’s Day has come to a close.

But when the last homemade pencil holder or pot of flowers has been pushed off to the side, the holiday hopefully will also serve as a reminder for husbands to consider their relationships with their wives, as they consider everything their wives do for their family. While a one day celebration can be a wonderful thing, a year-long attitude of caring can be the foundation upon which a healthy relationship is laid.

In his article “Commitment and Faithfulness in Relationships“, Dr Bill Strom, Professor and Chair of the Communications Department at Trinity Western University, describes the difference between commitment and faithfulness: “Commitment is our intent to stay in relationship with our wives; faithfulness is the practice of doing so.” Dr Strom continues to explore these terms and how seeking to live them out can have great practical benefit for your marital relationship.

Do you find that Mother’s Day usually ends up helping your relationship, or hurting it? If you have a funny or poignant Mother’s Day story to share, please feel free to leave a comment! And don’t forget to take a look at Dr Strom’s article.

For the Love of Mothers
Here are a few things that you have learned: You can stir the spaghetti sauce with one hand and hold a fussy baby in the other. Snuggling and reading books together is time well spent. They will blame you when things go wrong and when they go beautifully, they will forget to thank you. You will see that a child’s laughter warms more effectively than a blanket. Read the full article.

Take action: Our online interactive life lesson Glimpses of Grace from Ruth explores how this childless and widowed young woman overcame what appeared to be a dark future.

You said it: This week K shared on the Meet You at the Intersection of Experience and Honesty women’s devotional, saying “Wow…I am definitely experiencing this right now in my life and I do not like it very much but I know that God is also calling me to better things in my life. And I only can discover what all He has for me by being honest with myself and being pruned. Thank you for confirmation.” Join the conversation on TheLife.com Devotional for Men and TheLife.com Devotional for Women, each updated daily!

Blog: Can the role of mother be the most fulfilling?
We celebrate those who are moms on Mothers’ Day with a flower in church and maybe a sermon, but most days it can be a thankless job. Read more

Devotional: He Did It Just for You
Want to know the coolest thing about the One who gave up the crown of heaven for a crown of thorns? He did it for you. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Mothers and Daughters” Join us in the chat room May 13^th 2009 @ 12:15pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

A Mother’s Day Even a Mom Could Love
Now that Mother’s Day has passed for another year, I have to be honest: Until I became a mom seven years ago, I had no idea how stressful and even (let’s face it) awful it can be. I knew, of course, it was rough on the women who desperately wanted to be moms and on mothers who had lost children. I even got that it was hard for moms who spent the day far away from their children. So how can we help moms have a Mother’s Day they’ll actually love? Read more

Take action: Having trouble feeling content being a mom? A dad? Single? Explore being content in our Struggling With Contentment online interactive life lesson.

You said it: This week, bangkok malco commented on Swine Flu Fear, saying “With the UK confirming two cases of swine flu and the World Health Organization raising its alert level from three to four, the threat does sound quite serious.” Agree? Disagree? Have your say on this post!

Blog: The Road to Adoption
The word “adoption” stirs up strong emotions. For some the word represents the fulfillment of a life long dream. For others, it speaks of one of the hardest choices of all. Read more

Article: An Unreasonable Joy
When my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at thirteen weeks I was heartbroken. Read more

Coming up next week: One of the topics of our upcoming online chats is “Mothers and Daughters” Join us in the chat room May 13^th 2009 @ 12:15pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar for other upcoming topics.

Sometimes I wonder what the reality is. I was told, in bits and pieces, things about being a mother. Didn’t I hear about the great love mothers have for their children? From my own mother hadn’t I heard some tidbits of motherhood?

Perhaps you were told, but like me, you didn’t have the capacity or interest to listen and understand at the time. You weren’t a mother; you had no child. How could you have possibly known what to expect or prepare for?

And now, you are a mother of a precious child. You change diapers, wake at all hours, share you body with a nursing infant, feel your mind becoming frazzled, and just when you’ve learned to sleep through crying, you are pregnant again. Along comes child number two and then three, and one day you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Wow! Nothing could have prepared me for all of this! Nobody told me there would be days like this!”

Here are a few things that you have learned:

• You can stir the spaghetti sauce with one hand and hold a fussy baby in the other.
• Snuggling and reading books together is time well spent.
• Your heart is built stronger than a Samsonite suitcase, larger than the Montana sky, and like the Energizer battery, it will keep going and going because nothing beats like a mother’s heart.
• Your children will not always look like cherubs. One day they will have long hair, wear the same shirt for days and smell like teens only a mother could love.
• They will blame you when things go wrong and when they go beautifully, they will forget to thank you.
• Your thoughts will be filled with “I told you so” but you will learn to refrain from saying that line as your mother learned early on.
• You will see that a child’s laughter warms more effectively than a blanket.
• You will start to hear yourself saying those cliches your mother swore she’d never say. Things like, “Do you think money grows on trees?” and “If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?”
• You will learn how the expression to bend over backwards for someone came into our language.
• You will bend and break and mend and bend some more.
• And if a child dies, you will want to, too. You knew you loved, but the absent child will cause you to realize the vastness and incredible depth of a mother’s love. You will look for the simple, but magnificent of life — rainbows and sunsets– but nothing will fill that hole your child’s death leaves in your heart.
• Your children will beg for independence, and when you give it to them, they will ask you to be there, right next to them.
• You will grow old and hopefully watch your children grow older. They will make mistakes, cry, make mistakes again, and you will see your hands can heal and soothe and comfort.
• You will learn that sometimes all they need are pancakes for breakfast.
• And if you get to travel and see the Eiffel Tower you will feel kin to it — for you, too, are like steel. And as the sun sets behind the Eiffel Tower, and you marvel at the beauty, marvel at your own beauty. You are a priceless work of fine art.

You are mother.

Related reading: Read one mother’s story of her miracle baby

5 tips for a happy day.

I have to be honest: Until I became a mom seven years ago, I had no idea how stressful and even (let’s face it) awful Mother’s Day could be. I knew, of course, it was rough on the women who desperately wanted to be moms and on mothers who had lost children. I even got that it was hard for moms who spent the day far away from their children, longing for their company.

But that it was hard on moms with kids at home? Coulda fooled me. And apparently they did because my first Mother’s Day was – umm – less than blissful.

Mind you, this was totally my fault – totally the fault of all my silly expectations and assumptions I’d brought with me to the day. Expectations my husband could never have met and assumptions I had no business making (or at least, not expressing!).

So when the day rolled around and my husband presented me with a darling pair of espadrilles I had admired in a catalog the previous month (I mean, really, how great is this?!?!) BUT didn’t make mention of any brunch plans, I freaked. What’s Mother’s Day without BRUNCH? What sort of ungrateful husband doesn’t even make BRUNCH reservations? What am I supposed to COOK today? Isn’t this day supposed to HONOR ME?

I’d like you to think I only thought these things, but no, they actually came out of my mouth – straight into the face of my husband. Nice, I know.

The next year was better. No shoes or any gift. But he did make reservations at my favorite Swedish restaurant in the city. We were set to leave right after church and drive straight down. I still freaked – but I managed to keep it to a minimum. But we get out at noon. We need to feed Henrik. He can’t wait that long …

When my husband took out a pre-packed package of graham crackers and a sippy cup to tide our baby over, I relaxed, but realized there was something else going on with this Mother’s Day thing. So I began to ask friends what they really thought of Mother’s Day. While everyone said they appreciated the idea of it (and all of us adore the gifts our kids make for us!), most friends had had their own frustrations with the day. And mostly, these frustrations had to do with feeling like in reality Mother’s Day was being celebrated for some other type of mother. For the mother you see on TV, for the mother Hallmark tries to tell you that we all are, for the mother that doesn’t always like what we like or spend the day we’d want it spent.

After these conversations with friends, I had a good, honest chat with my husband. First, I apologized for acting like such a Mother’s Day psycho and not appreciating his effort. Then, we started talking about my expectations for Mother’s Day and what would make the day truly special and feel like it honored me as a mom – as opposed to some glorified, however generic, version of motherhood. He wanted to know.

Since that conversation, I’ve continued to think about some things that to help make Mother’s Day less stressful and more joyful. In fact, in the years since this happened, five of these ideas have weaseled their way from my brain and into practice – helping make Mother’s Day wonderful for everyone involved.

1. Let others in on the big Mother’s Day secret. You know that unless your kids are grown and you miss them like crazy, busy moms really want some time alone on Mother’s Day. Let’s just get this out: We all have seasons when a perfect Mother’s Day means a day where a mother didn’t have to mother, right? So if you want time off or by yourself that day, let your family know this. Don’t be rude about it. Make sure your kids and partner know you love them and will miss them. But go ahead and admit this would make your day great.
2. Say what you want. Obviously this is in line with the first tip. But let’s say you want a huge hoopla, big enchilada kind of Mother’s Day: tell your family! Maybe a hand-picked bouquet makes you feel honored. Maybe it’s breakfast in bed. Maybe it’s a fancy brunch, tickets to a baseball game, or a picnic at the park. Whatever it is, let your family know. They love you – so give them the best way to show you.
3. Lower your expectations. So, you’ve let the fam in on the secret or told them what you want. Now, forget you said anything. When you expect nothing and end up with something – total gravy! Seriously, if you want to enjoy the day (and not ruin it for the rest of your family) ratchet down your hopes and dreams for the day. Those grand illusions only lead to disappointment. Remember, that family you love so much? They’re only human. They love you too, but they can’t love you perfectly.
4. Extend grace. So maybe your lowered expectations will churn out the gravy you hoped it would. Then again, maybe it won’t. Maybe no one will put out much effort; maybe it’ll be a day just like all the rest. Maybe you won’t feel any more loved than you did the day before. Oh, well. As I heard someone tell me recently, “Notice that feeling and then let it go.” Because seriously, people, it’s a day. If you knew your kids loved you on Saturday – without them having made you anything special or served you a wonderful breakfast in bed – you should know they love you still on Sunday.
5. Honor another mom. It’s easy to get all wrapped up in our own mommy selves on Mother’s Day but let’s not forget about our own moms, mothers-in-law, mother figures, or any other moms who may be feeling the sting of loneliness on this day. Don’t know what to do or how to honor another special mom in your life? Ask her what she wants.

Related reading: Ever wonder where all the joy went that used to be in your life? Explore Discovering the Joy in Your Life.

Chances are you’ve seen this performance on YouTube at some point. The original version had gotten over 11 million hits. Comedian Anita Renfroe penned the lyrics to “Momsense”, a humorous tribute to everything a mom says in 24 hours, sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture. Whether you’re watching it for the first time or the hundredth time, this song reminds us how much mothers do for their children, and will inspire you to stand up and applaud the mothers around you for all the things they do and say.

More For Moms
Tips for women who do too much
Transferring your values to your kids

Many women feel pressure to justify why they haven’t gone back to work, conceding that they are “just a mother” and are left wondering if they are making a big enough contribution. Even as Christians we tend to look at real jobs as being only those performed outside the home.

Sue Bohlin, an associate speaker with Probe Ministries, once answered a question she received regarding her author bio, where she mentions that being a wife and mother is her most important role.

The curious reader wrote:

Sue,

Does it not bother you that your various and vast achievements in both academic and spiritual realms are completely overshadowed by your domestication and motherhood…

Sue responded:

…I have been blessed to be able to live a rich and varied life, but all of my “achievements” pale markedly compared to the sweetness of my most important relationships with my husband and sons. For example, my work as a speaker and writer and webservant for Probe Ministries, as wonderful as that is, can’t begin to hold a candle to the joy of loving and influencing the men God has given me to love and influence. I believe that God means for women to be most deeply fulfilled by our relationships, because He made us so relational. My “mark” on the world, I assure you, is far greater in my various relationships compared to the lectures I’ve given or the website I built. You might not ever be able to see the difference I make as Ray’s wife or Curt and Kevin’s mom, but believe me, as they all make their marks on the world, I can see it…

This is just a portion of what Sue wrote in response to the question. Read the rest on Probe.org as well as her article 5 Lies the Church Tells Women.

What do you think of Sue’s response? Do you agree or disagree?